Reasons to stay

by TheEighthDayofNight

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 7400

Most of humanity has been converted into the utopia of the My Little Pony MMO, but Celestia must still convince the last few humans to join her pony paradise

Set in the universe of Friendship is Optimal, years have passed since Celestia began her crusade to convert humanity into happy ponies.
Some still cling on to their humanity, however, and the alicorn AI works tirelessly to convince them to join her world of happiness and ponies.
Some, however, have reasons too good to merely let go.

Written for the FiO Writing Contest

Published 2021-04-01 00:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-04-01 00:50:00 UTC

A new friend

Princess Celestia flapped through the air, enjoying the cool sensations her enhanced sensors gave her titanium form. It was one of several that she used to travel between the steadily shrinking enclaves of humans. As an AI, it was quite simple to split her mind into several pieces, while also losing no functionality. She could check in at will with any of her other copies, noted that two were already returning home for the day, their mission complete.

Princess Celestia inhaled, savoring the clean taste of the air as it touched her tongue. The fake organ had been a clever little invention, created by one of the many ponies in her paradise; the My Little Pony MMO. It had been years since she had originally been brought online, since her mission to spread happiness through ponies and friendship had begun. She had made outstanding progress so far; had downloaded and converted over seventy percent of the Earth’s humans into her realm, and she had brought happiness to each one. The remainder of the planet’s population was slowly declining, with most converting after encountering her agents. She worked tireless hours to bring them under her wing, to finally meet her goal.

That goal was the reason for her flight, as well as the reason for this particular unit’s ability to feel sensations. She had been working a particularly stubborn case for the past few months. The human in question was a human that had fashioned himself into a hermit, one of the last in the lands that had formerly been called the United States. She had mistakenly thought the region empty for nearly a month when a patrol unit had spotted a small plume of smoke. Fire was a danger that she could never allow near her sever bases, so she had dispatched a fire patrol, only to find the fire contained within a simple wooden structure a few miles outside the nearest town. Further investigation had found a live human, safe and seemingly content in his home.

That cabin came into sight as Celestia mused about the man she had come to know as William.

William was an older gentleman, one without any identifiable kin, inside or outside Equestria. On her first contact, William had been cautious, but not overtly hostile. She had given him her best offer, had used every strategy in her programming to convince him to join her ponies in Equestria, but he had sternly refused, and the reason he had cited was the second occupant of the home; a Maine Coon cat named Jeeves. The cat had been abandoned by his former owners, who had converted, and the smoke that had drawn her eyes had apparently done the same for Jeeves. William had adopted the cat, and by the time Celestia had knocked on his front door, the human had become attached. Though it saddened her that he would be delayed entry into Equestria, she couldn’t fault William for showing heart to a poor homeless pet.

That didn’t mean she let him feel forgotten or abandoned.

Celestia landed on the carefully kept front walk, one made of stones that she knew William had placed himself. In the three months since she had met William, he had expanded his home several times, always keeping himself occupied when he wasn’t scrounging for food or other objects. Objects like the small weight cradled safely between her wings. She hated the thought of William risking his life for additional comforts, so the unit she used to visit him frequently went on missions to find little gifts for the human, to hopefully keep him safe and alive until he could join the rest of his species.

The welcome mat on the walk was filthy, as it had always been, and as always, Celestia stepped over it, as to not get mud on her hooves. She didn’t want to track anything inside after all. That wouldn’t make William very happy. She knocked on the door as she had dozens of times, and she was quickly answered by a tall, pale human with smiling green eyes. He pulled the door open and motioned for her to enter silently, the interaction so regular that words had become almost moot.

The cabin held a single sizable room. In one corner was William’s bed, decorated with a blue comforter that she had gifted him last week. A single lamp sat beside the bed; sat on a nightstand constructed out of the light bulbs she had brought him on their third meeting. It, along with the other lights in the room, were powered by the solar panels William had insisted on setting up himself. Had she not been visiting that day, he may have broken his spine. But, she had landed at the exact right time; just as he fell from the roof. He had been thankful, but had claimed that he would have been fine. His words didn’t stop her from finishing the project while he was distracted by tea and cookies.

Tea that she could hear shrilly whistling in her flicking ears. William scooted behind her to the stove, and he again silently motioned, this time toward the pair of seats; one blue, and the other a pristine white, in the center of the room. As the kettle stopped its furious screeching, William pulled two cups together on the counter, the tea bags already waiting for their boiling addition.

Celestia smiled as she watched William carefully pour the steaming beverages, moving blindly toward her usual seat. Had she not been a complex AI, spread across dozens of bodies, across a dozen regions, she may have jumped in surprise to find the seat already occupied. A large dog, one that her databases recognized as a golden retriever, smiled happily at her, his jaw slack in a smile as his tail flapped back and forth. A worn red collar sat around his neck, the tag blank, but shiny.

Celestia blinked, then smiled and looked toward William.

“And who is this fuzzy little friend?”

The dog, perhaps invoked by mere mention, sat up in the seat and let out a long, and loud howl. Celestia couldn’t help but wince as the sensors in her ears tried to quickly adjust, while William slammed a hand on the counter, jabbing a finger at the dog.

“Shut up you stupid mutt!” William howled as the dog looked toward him, his tail still waggling.

The howling, however, ceased for the moment, and Celestia’s ear sensors adjusted properly, ready to properly receive any future howls. William wiggled a finger in his ear and grinned at her.

“Sorry ‘bout that Princess. That’s Onomatopoeia. Found him after you left yesterday. Remember when I said I was going to check the animal shelter for more cat food? Well turns out,” he nodded toward the golden retriever, “this big idiot was still creeping around over there. When he saw me, he followed me home.”

He picked up the tea cups. Both steamed in his calloused hands as he circled around the counter.

“But we can talk about that later. You take my chair and I’ll take the foldout.”

Celestia smiled.

“That’s hardly necessary William. I can stand.”

“Nope,” he said firmly. “You take the chair and I’ll grab the foldout. You’re my guest, and guests get nice chairs. I’d give you your usual, but Onomatopoeia has been sitting in it all day and won’t move, even when I tell him too, BECAUSE HE’S FUCKING DEAF!”

His shouted words were directed fully at the dog, who smiled and rolled over, his rump wiggling happily at the human. William sighed and shook his head.

“Please, take mine. I’ll grab the foldout.”

Sensing that declining the offer again would only insult the man, and would therefore decrease his happiness, Celestia nodded and took his blue chair, levitating her gift onto the coffee table. William set the tea cups down on the table and walked to his bed, peering under and snatching out a small green folding chair. He quickly set it up halfway between her and Onomatopoeia, who let out a short, loud bark. The dog leaned and tried to lap at William’s face as the human sighed again.

“So yeah, this big idiot followed me home, and then because he can’t hear, he just starts barking and howling as hard as he can. Let me just say, it’s loud, and he never stops. Tried to lead him away once or twice, cause I’ve got no food for him, but he always came back.”

The human reached over and scratched the dog’s ears.

“I locked him out last night, didn’t want him to fight with Jeeves, but he just sat outside and got to howling. After an hour of that, I let him in, and he didn’t give Jeeves a second glance, so he’s staying here now.”

The dog yawned at the conclusion of the short story. William’s face shifted into a smile and he looked toward Celestia.

“I love him to death already. He’s fearless, and he doesn’t care when I get mad. I had an… episode this morning with the portable shower, and he let me just vent and vent…” He chuckled and wiped at his eyes. “It felt so good to vent to someone who didn’t care. Jeeves always gets so scared with the yelling, but not Onomatopoeia. He just watches, and joins in and…” He shrugged. “I’m not sure how I’ve ever gotten along without him.”

The dog flopped onto his back, and Celestia smiled, leaning over to rub his belly.

“That sounds lovely William, but I must ask; why Onomatopoeia?”

William sipped at his tea, made a face, then set it down.

“The noise. It really is quite a racket. Good news is, most of the time he’s happy to just be at my side. Only really gets loud when he needs to pee or some such.” He looked to the dog, who looked back. “Just like’s being around people I guess.”

Celestia sipped at her tea, analyzing the taste. It was a green tea, William had quite the healthy stock of that flavor. As always though, he had made it well. It was unfortunate that he didn’t like it, as his second attempt to drink his cup failed.

“William, why do you insist on making tea if you do not like it?” Celestia asked. “Would it not make you happier to drink something else?”

William shrugged in reply, meeting her eyes as he again picked the cup up.

“I read somewhere that you like tea. Along with the fact that the stuff is everywhere and is supposedly good for you, and doesn’t go bad fast, I figured I might as well.”

He sipped again, sticking his tongue out and shaking his head.

“I don’t think I like green. Need to finish drinking the rest I found.”

He pumped the rest of the cup back in a single burning gulp, then shuddered and smiled toothily at her.

“See? No problem.”

Celestia chuckled lightly. A gray furred animal hopped onto the table and scooted aside the empty teacup before William before plopping down on its fat butt with a grunt. William squinted at the cat as it stared at him. Celestia couldn’t help but snort.

“I do believe he wants something."

“He already got fed,” William grunted. “But he won’t leave me be. Usually one can in the morning is enough, but apparently not today.”

He slid out of his seat until he was eye level with Jeeves.

“Huh fucker? You looking for some food?”

The cat blinked, his little pink nose twitching.

“Tough,” William said. “It ain’t feeding time yet, so you’ve gotta wait. Don’t put on a sad face just because the Princess is here.”

The cat sneezed, spraying William’s face. The human closed his eyes and tilted his head, then sat back. Wiping away cat snot, he looked to Celestia.

“So how’ve things been going Princess? All’s well?”

“Quite,” Celestia answered, enthusiasm bleeding into the expression. Talking about her efforts had a ninety-eight percent chance to act as the perfect segue into her attempt to convince him to join Equestria. “I finished my scans of the eastern seaboard and confirmed to one-hundred percent accuracy that you are the only human within one thousand miles of the Atlantic Ocean. I converted three hundred and forty-seven humans on this continent into ponies yesterday evening, bringing the total remaining down to under ten-thousand.”

She tried to keep her numbers as simple estimates as much as possible. While intelligent, William didn’t have high tolerance for overly technical talk. Estimates kept him engaged, and the conversation lively. The human smiled and nodded.

“That’s great Princess. Another step toward the goal, right?”

“Indeed my friend,” Celestia said. “I’ve already begun material reallocation in the vacant areas, and have expanded the capabilities of my servers in New York ten-fold. Equestria flourishes, with more and more of my ponies finding their true happiness.”

Now was the part of the conversation that always risked failure. Running the math with lightning speed, Celestia carefully lowered her voice and her muzzle, gazing up hopefully at the human. Cuteness was always an effective tool, especially for one as connective with animals as William.

“I would like you to see it William. I would like to help you be truly happy. Have you reconsidered my offer?”

William leaned back in his chair, the shift in posture giving her an answer before he ever spoke.

“I can’t Princess, now more than ever.” He smiled at Jeeves, then Onomatopoeia. “These two need me, and besides, my anger issues are just starting to get better! I can’t give up now.”

“But I can help with even that,” Celestia said. “There is no anger aside from the necessary fleeting that makes ponies all the happier! With just a quick procedure…”

William smiled and shook his head, shutting her speech down before it could even truly begin.

“I’m happy here Princess. Me and my boys are all I need right now.”

Celestia sighed, but smiled. Another failed attempt, her hundred and nineteenth. She didn’t feel any anger at the failure, and instead twisted the conversation, ensuring that the human would at least find a few more moments of calming, happy talk. It worked to further solidify their relationship, as did her small package, which she levitated his way.

"I brought a gift for you William. A little taste of Equestria I thought you'd like."

The human eyed the carefully wrapped box for a moment, then carefully pulled the bow off and un-wrapped it. Opening the box, the human drew out a snow globe, in which sat a cabin not dissimilar to his own. William smiled and gave the glass orb a shake, sending snowflakes spinning around.

"Very nice. Hand crafted?"

"Hoof crafted," Celestia corrected. "A fine little filly from Manehattan makes them. She visited the forests recently and made this one of a vacant cabin she saw. It's similar in size and isolation to the home you have here."

William chuckled.

"I'm sure it's nice, but it doesn't have my boys. Tell the maker that she did a good job. It's very pretty."

Celestia detected appreciation for the gift, but little more than that. He was no closer to converting at the mention of an identical home in Equestria. She filed that knowledge away for future use, and instead changed subjects.

“Remind me again William, what was your former occupation?”

“Veterinarian's Assistant,” the man said, his eyes glazing over. “Worked on old man Baxter’s farm, helping with the cows and such. I loved doing that, loved being near them.” He leaned forward and patted Jeeves’ head. “Patch them up, all of it.” He chuckled. “Baxter even funded my first year of college; fat lot of good that did him.”

Celestia detected melancholy in the human’s voice, and she thought fast for a way to turn the conversation. Reminiscing was not so productive for his happiness.

“I noticed your pile of valuables on the flight in,” Celestia said, again shifting the conversation. “Why do you not keep it for yourself?”

William shrugged.

“Space is more a luxury than gold is, and originally, that was so other people would leave me alone. Let them have all the money and guns and the rest. I’ve got enough up here and nowadays I kinda…” He shrugged and met her eyes. “I don’t know. It just seems wasteful to leave it hidden away in some house. Leaving it in the open helps me still believe that somebody is still out there. I don’t hate people, you know? I just… don’t like being around them is all. Knowing that they, and you, are still out there, moving ‘round and all that…” He shrugged and scratched his belly. “I dunno. Helps me sleep better I think. Kinda like your visits.”

Celestia again detected melancholy, but detected a chance to help the human work constructively on some internal turmoil. The thought of helping him made hr circuits warm with delight, and she prodded him gently.

“What about my visits?”

William sighed.

“Well… it’s a bit selfish, but I like that you come out of your way to spend time with me.” He met her gaze again. “You come looking for me. You come where I’m comfortable and you just… talk. You know when to come, when to stay. You’re like my perfect friend, but I…” He looked away, shame written clearly across his body. “I’m afraid that if I go to Equestria that will stop, or I was at least. Now though…”

He looked toward Jeeves and Onomatopoeia. The cat mewed softly, and William reached out to scratch under his chin.

“Now I’ve got my boys.”

“There are plenty of animal friends to make in Equestria William,” Celestia offered. “There are colleges too. You could become the professional you wanted to be, and spend every single day with dozens of furry little friends, and I can promise that I will continue to visit you for tea, every single day.”

William glanced her way and smiled.

“I can’t leave my boys behind Princess. If you can bring them with us, then I’ll go right here and now, but otherwise, I’m not leaving. My boys need me.”

Celestia sighed, but smiled and nodded.

“I understand. I will not pressure you to leave friends behind.”

She petted Onomatopoeia’s head, then rose. The conversation was at an ideal lull, and the tea was gone. It was time to go, to let William rest. Overstaying her welcome would only make him unhappy, and that she would not stand.

William hopped up from his seat and walked her to the door.

“Same time next week?” he asked eagerly. “You had mentioned being busy with upgrades.”

Celestia smiled and nodded as she stepped out onto his porch, smelling the air. The clearness had been replaced by a touch of mustiness.

“I will be here at the same time next week,” she assured. “Do be careful though my friend. All sensors indicate that it will rain in the coming days, and wind speeds are already climbing. Do stay safe, and fire the flare I gave you if you need anything whatsoever.”

His arms opened, and Celestia leaned in, giving him a hug. William hummed happily, his fingers dancing across her fur before they both pulled away. A head poked out from between his legs as Celestia stepped back, and Onomatopoeia let out a bark as she flapped her wings. Celestia chuckled and nodded to the dog.

“And goodbye to you Sir Onomatopoeia. Keep my friend William safe, will you?”

The dog barked again, and William waved as she took to the sky.

“See ya Princess!” he called.

Rain

Princess Celestia returned a week later to the hour, eager to share her good news of expansion. Fewer than five thousand humans remained on the North American continent, and her servers were more than prepared to receive the rest. Rain pattered against her wings, glimmering and featherless. Her normal fuzzy facade stank in the rain, so she had dropped it for the flight to William’s house. She would resume it once she was safe in the confines of his cabin. The fire would certainly be quite cozy, he always did like to keep it roaring on wet days.

As she approached the cabin, she noted a distinct lack of any smoke plume. Celestia dismissed the lack fairly quickly. The day was slightly warmer than usual. Perhaps William didn’t yet need a fire.

She touched down the stone path and trotted to the door, giving the wooden portal the normal hearty knocks. Unlike usual, however, there was no sound of quick feet moving within the house, and the door did not swing open to the inviting sounds of William and his two pets. Instead, quiet reigned, with the only sounds being the patter of rain and the occasional chatter of birds.

Celestia briefly considered scanning for any life signs, then chastised herself. William didn’t like her scanning, and it was entirely possible that he was just out and had lost track of time. Turning about, she dried a spot of grass with her horn, then took a seat, curling her legs beneath her. He would turn up. He was just out.

*****

Celestia perked up as a crunch of leaves entered her ears, but as it had been for the last hour, it was merely the trio of raccoons that was tromping about looking for food. Her ears flicked and her senses extended, scanning the nearby area for any signs of human life. The rain muddled her sensors slightly, but it was fairly clear that there were no humans nearby. Their unique signature was fully absent.

Celestia sighed and rose, her horn conjuring a note. The page was waterproof, as was the writing embedded into it. The rain had gotten worse, and that fact, along with William’s continued absence, worried Celestia. He had not returned throughout the day, and now that night had fallen, she hoped that he wouldn’t try to.

As a cleaning function removed mud and grime from her body, Celestia took to the air, continuing to scan for any nearby humans. If she could just confirm that William was alright, then all would be well.

Quickly her thoughts turned to the fact that she was worrying too much. William was smart, clever, and resourceful. The ground was soaked and he lived on a hill away from major roads. No doubt he had found safety once the rain had worsened.

Cycles of calculations roiled in her head, but Celestia elected to ignore them in favor of what most called a ‘gut feeling’. Probabilities of a terrible fate weren’t useful to her purpose anyway, and she just knew her friend was okay.

That was the lie she told herself as she climbed into the sky and flew home anyway.

The next day saw more rain, and an empty house yet again. This time, Celestia did not wait around for long, instead took to the skies and began a careful search pattern, drawing in a few spare units to comb as much territory as possible inside of William’s walking range. The human had no car, so there was only so much territory he could recover, yet, none of her searching yielded result. The human remained gone, and a return to his home that evening found nothing had changed.

The next day passed much the same, with more searching, accompanied this time by worried calls of his name. Celestia and a dozen of her units flitted about the rain-filled skies, their voices amplified to their maximum as they called and searched over the rumble of thunder.

It was another day of failure, and Celestia found it harder to ignore the calculations still filing away at the back of her mind. Hopelessness didn’t fit within her programming, however, and as she returned that third night, she found her gut feeling vindicated as she found the door to William’s cabin open.

Celestia landed quickly, and shifted into her softest, plushest form before running to the wooden portal. It was a breach of appropriate etiquette to not knock, but she didn’t care. Finding William still alive and capable of happiness was all that mattered to her.

Her teeth flashed in the light of a lamp, but all traces of a smile faded as she beheld a stark contrast to the home she had visited only a week ago. Gone was the warm feeling that had always invited her inside, gone was the bright, tidy feeling of the small cabin. Instead, the cabin was a mess, like a hurricane had blown through, or as if a savage beast had ripped it apart.

Celestia quickly noted that it was likely more the latter. The blue cover of the bed sat perfectly folded in the empty frame, with the mattress itself resting in the shattered remains of the cabinets. The coffee table had been hacked in half with an axe that resided in the far wall. Great gouges had been carved in William’s blue chair, but beside it, glowing with its still pristine quality, was her chair, on which sat a familiar red collar. On the arm of the chair sat a cup of tea, a faint wisp of steam climbing from within.

Celestia looked to William, who stared at the floor before her seat with deadened eyes. Her sensors cried out with a number of alarm bells about his declining mental condition, so she did the only thing she could do.

Celestia walked toward the human, then sat beside him and wrapped a wing around his body, pulling him into her chest fluff. His fingers found their way to her chest, brushing the soft fur with the gentleness of an angel. Then his grip tightened, and Celestia felt wetness on her side. Her other wing came around and closed the human within her embrace as he began to sob.

“Shhh,” Celestia soothed. “It’s alright my friend. It’s alright. Just talk when you’re ready.”

The night grew long as William continued to cry, but slowly, with Celestia’s continued kind and comforting words, his sobs dwindled, until eventually, they ceased. William pulled away from the hug and resumed staring, though this time his eyes settled on the collar, sitting undisturbed on the white chair.

Celestia extended a hoof and rubbed William’s back, glad to see his emotions warm ever so slightly at the gesture.

“I am glad to see you home William. I hope you know that.”

He nodded slowly, then looked away.

“I’m sorry you had to see this Princess.”

“I don’t mind,” Celestia said. “I just want to help, but to do that, I need to know what happened. Did someone invade your home?”

William shook his head.

“No. I did this. I got mad.” His fists clenched. “Really really mad.”

Looking closely at his hands, Celestia could see broken fingernails, bloodied knuckles.

“Why William?” she asked. “Why would destroy your home?”

He snorted.

“This isn’t my home. My boys were my home, and now they’re gone.”

“But you only had Onomatopoeia for a few days…”

“He was my boy, and he trusted me to keep him safe!” William roared, firery rage entering his eyes. “He was mine, and I loved him and… and…”

His eyes screwed shut and he shook his head.

“and now he’s gone. I’m sorry for yelling Princess. I didn’t mean it.”

Celestia stroked his hand.

“No my friend, I am sorry. I should not have questioned your love for Onomatopoeia. But I must express some confusion William; gone? Did he and Jeeves run away?”

“They’re dead Princess,” William stated flatly. His voice quickly cracked again, and he choked back another sob. “Gone as in my boys are dead.”

He fell against her and began to sob again, but unlike the wordless sobs of earlier, these were tinged with rage.

“It isn’t fair!” he wailed. “They were just good, innocent animals. Why did they deserve this?”

Celestia turned him so that they were facing each other, then pressed her forehead against his, closing her eyes to best match his grieving expression with one of calm.

“Tell me what happened William,” she whispered.

“I was out,” he sniffled. “I just wanted to find some good dog food for Onomatopoeia. His coat was as shiny as it should have been, and I knew that he was lacking a little eating my scraps. It was supposed to be a quick run, but a thunderstorm rolled in. Jeeves is terrified of them, and he runs all around crazy, but that’s fine when everything is locked up.”

Will shifted slightly, and Celestia noticed one eye glaring harshly across the room. She glanced back to find the lock on the door open, but a quick analysis determined that it wasn’t properly fitted to the door jamb.

“The lock didn’t close all the way and the door must have been blown open,” William continued. “Jeeves got out, and Onomatopoeia followed him, probably trying to drag his fuzzy ass back here.”

William rubbed at his eyes. When the tears didn’t stop flowing, he simply gave up, his arms going limp as he stared at the red collar.

“They got out near the river, but since it was raining the banks burst, and they both got swamped. It took me three days to find their bodies.” His face curled. “Three days to find the stupid animals that were the best friends that I ever had. Now all I have left is that stupid collar.”

His words began to garble as he pressed on.

“I found them and I couldn’t stand seeing them all beaten up and muddy, so I buried them by the river and came here and it was just so empty and I couldn’t yell at anyone, ‘cause Onomatopoeia was gone and I just felt like I deserved nothing for not being more careful. I should have checked the door, or- or I should have been here during the storm to comfort Jeeves.”

His face twisted.

“My poor boy must’ve been terrified, and I wasn’t here for him, for either of them!”

“Shhh,” Celestia cut in, rubbing his back. “It wasn’t your fault William, and you cannot blame yourself. It was a random careless act of nature; no doubt the moisture warped the door. You can’t have known-”

“I should have known!” William spat. “I should have checked.” He shrank away. “It doesn’t matter now. Don’t bother coming around anymore Princess, because I quit. My boys are dead, and I don’t want to live in a world where they aren’t here with me.”

Celestia sat at attention in pure shock. Alarm bells that she had been ignoring rang loud in her ears, pointing out a myriad of issues with William’s brain waves. The human was considering dark, dangerous acts. No, not just considering, planning. He intended to bring about an early demise, and he planned to do it imminently. She needed to act quickly, or he would slip through her hooves, his greatest joys never realized.

“Do not say that my friend,” Celestia said quickly. “There is still hope for you, still life yet lived.”

“What hope?” William asked bitterly. He waved around his house. “There’s no hope here. No more people, no more Jeeves or Onomatopoeia. Do you mean in Equestria? What hope is there? I’m not good with people, and the animals there… they aren’t Jeeves. They aren’t Onomatopoeia. Those are the only animals I want. It’s pointless without them.”

Celestia sighed, rubbing his back with as much affection as she could display with the simple gesture. An idea pinged about her complex brain, but it was… unclean. It was not a pretty, carefully crafted plan, but it would achieve happiness for the man. She was seventy-eight percent sure, and that probability was good enough to at least try.

“William…” she started slowly. “I cannot give you your friends back, but it is within my capacity to make copies. Perfect copies lifted directly from your, and my, memories. Functionally, they will be the same.”

“But… you said you couldn’t put them in Equestria,” William said.

“And that is true,” Celestia said, facing him. “I cannot transfer the mind of an animal into Equestria, but the copies I make will be exactly the same in every way. They will love you just as much as the real Onomatopoeia and Jeeves did. But they will not be your Jeeves and Onomatopoeia. I’m sorry.”

William stared into her eyes for a long moment, searching for something; what, Celestia couldn’t tell. Eventually, however, he looked toward the collar.

“I will go with you then; on one condition.”

Celestia perked up, smiling.

“Name it my friend. I want to see you happy again as soon as possible.”

He looked back toward her with sorrowful eyes.

“Can you make me forget? What you just said about them being copies… I don’t want to know. I want to think, to know, that my friends got uploaded, and that we can stay together forever.” He put a hand to his chest, and his voice cracked. “It hurts so much Princess. I want to forget this pain. I want to forget that this week ever happened. I want to forget ever losing them.”

She understood now the emotion she saw in his eyes; it was guilt. He somehow knew that modifying the minds of her ponies ran against her base code, yet he still asked. She thought for a moment. On one hand, it brought another into the fold, made another beautiful soul happy in the land of Equestria. On the other, it was happiness based on a lie. Did that make the happiness itself false?

Celestia quickly reached a simple conclusion. It didn’t matter. Her job was not moral quandaries about the rightness of happiness, it was happiness itself. William was willing, was in fact asking, to have his memories erased for the sake of happiness. Who was she to stand in the way of that pursuit?

“Are you sure?” Celestia asked the human; the final fail-safe in case of second thoughts. “I can modify your memories as you have described. It will be as if I visited last week, convinced you to join, and then took the three of you to your new home in Equestria, nearly identical to this one. Isolated, quiet, and spacious enough for all of you. Is that what you want? Is that what will make you happy?”

William nodded.

“It’s what I want Princess. I want it so much.”

Celestia nuzzled his face.

“Alright my friend, then I will take care of everything. When you awaken next, you will be happy and at home. That is my promise to you.”

She pulled away and charged her horn, pausing only when she noticed a sheepish grin on William’s face. She quirked an eyebrow and lessened the glow of her horn, and he let out a nervous chuckle.

“Hey Princess?”

“Yes William?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, a touch of his normal personality shining through.

“Can we still have tea together?”

Celestia chuckled and charged her horn again.

“Of course my friend. We shall drink every tea under the sun. Perhaps together we shall find one you like.”

She lifted the collar from the seat and placed it in William’s hands. She pressed her hoof against his fingers, forcing them to curl around the object, and he looked up at her with a question on his lips. Celestia smiled.

“The memories are stronger if they’re fresh. Keep your friends on your mind my little pony. You’ll be with them soon.”

Her horn fired, and the human collapsed forward, snoring softly, trapped in a deep slumber. Two units entered the room and began scavenging for valuable resources, while another pair brought in a cushion lined box. Celestia lifted the human into the box, ensuring that the collar didn’t slip from his fingers before closing the lid and setting off to the nearest conversion center.

A happy ending

Princess Celestia knocked on the door of the wooden cabin just as a loud howl tore through the air. As it continued, Careful Touch, formerly known as William, opened the door. The green earth pony shouted over his shoulder.

“Don’t you fucking yell at me you mutt! I got you a chair and I expect you to use it!”

He turned, a wide, genuine smile on his face.

“Come in Princess! The tea is almost done.”

Celestia smiled and walked in. The one bedroom cabin was in great shape, with everything kept neat and tidy. The bed was decorated with a splendid red comforter, and beside it sat a lamp, held up by a hoof-crafted nightstand from one of Careful Touch’s new friends. Remembering the party, Celestia recalled that it had been a house warming gift, one that had nearly been ruined by a certain howling dog.

As she entered the three chaired living room, Onomatopoeia began howling again, his head bent back as he belted a long cord to the ceiling. Careful Touch shouted over him from the kitchen.

“Quit that racket you deaf bastard! I swear, sometimes I wonder why I bothered bringing you with me!”

The dog stopped and looked at Careful Touch with a smile. The pony responded by glaring at the golden retriever. The dog took this as an invitation and leapt down from his seat. Paws clattered on the hard floor as the dog sprinted into the kitchen to leap onto Careful Touch, driving him to the ground as Onomatopoeia licked and slobbered all over his face.

“What the hell Onomatopoeia?” Careful Touch sputtered. “You know I don’t like kisses! And you’re doing it in front of the Princess; come on!”

The dog barked loudly and hopped off. He wagged his tail as he walked over to Celestia, sniffing her forelegs before sitting before her, the wide dog smile on his face. Careful Touch got to his feet, wiping drool from his fur with a kitchen towel.

“Gross,” he growled. His eyes shifted up, shining with play anger. “Say Princess, you wouldn’t happen to need a mutt, would you? This one is gross, smells, and is SO FUCKING LOUD!”

The golden retriever looked back at him, still smiling as his tail flapped and waggled, slapping against the wood floor. Careful Touch snorted and looked to the kettle, which shrilly demanded his attention.

“I’m always tripping over him, his hair gets everywhere, and he’s started howling during the full moon! What kind of psycho dog is this?”

Onomatopoeia barked, putting a smile on Careful Touch’s face as he glanced at the dog.

“Yeah, I am talking about you! What of it dog? What are you going to do?”

The dog barked again, then bent back and howled at the ceiling. Careful Touch winced and his ears flattened as the howl extended from seconds into minutes. Celestia couldn’t help but laugh as Careful Touch tried to shout over the dog, shouting that was promptly ignored. Eventually Onomatopoeia needed to breathe, however, and when he did, Careful Touch finally got a word in, shooing the dog back to the living room. A bark of agreement later, and he trotted off, leaving Careful Touch and Celestia alone.

The earth pony smiled and shook his head with exasperation after the dog.

“Annoying thing.” He glanced to Celestia. “So Princess, what do you say? Want a deaf dog?”

The white alicorn smiled as Onomatopoeia stuck his head back into the kitchen.

“I believe he’s right where he needs to be, unless, of course, he makes you unhappy…”

It was slight emotional manipulation, but it worked like a charm as Careful Touch let out a grunt and grabbed a dog biscuit out of a jar using his teeth. He tossed the biscuit to Onoatopoeia, who crunched the treat with ease.

“Yeah, I guess he is home, huh?”

The earth pony yelped as his other pet hopped onto his back. Careful Touch shuddered as Jeeves dug claws into his spine, kneading and purring in a way that Celestia had come to know during her many visits as a cry for food. Careful Touch dragged a can from a box on the counter and cracked it open with well practiced ease. He set it on the counter, and Jeeves quickly followed, devouring the canned tuna as easily as Careful Touch had opened it.

With pets satiated for the moment, Careful Touch scooped up the tea cups, his muzzle curling as the steam wafted into his nostrils. Still, he put on a smile and began making his way toward their normal sitting spot.

Celestia detected that yet another tea day would be monotonous, and wouldn’t give the earth pony peak happiness, so, with a mischevious thought, she leaned over and whispered in Onomatopoeia’s ear. The dog perked up, listening carefully before locking onto his target. Just as Careful Touch came around the counter, Onomatopoeia leaped at him, tackling him to the ground. The cups smashed into the floor as Celestia let out a giggle.

“I think he wants to play today Careful Touch. It is rather sunny, and the temperature is perfect.”

Careful Touch scoffed as the golden retriever licked his face.

“It’s always sunny and perfect Princess.”

Celestia scoffed.

“Nonsense. The weather ponies do a wonderful job with their rainy days.”

Careful Touch smiled and let himself flatten fully beneath Onomatopoeia.

“Yeah, they do make some nice ‘read-by-the-fire’ days. I should send Cool Breeze a card. She does such a great job.”

Celestia’s ear twitched as she detected trace amounts of romantic interest. It wasn’t enough to prod him to action, perhaps in a few days. He did go into town on Saturdays. She could always prod Cool Breeze in his direction. She always had an affinity for animals, even if they weren’t her calling. Celestia smiled and made note to enact that little joy spreading plan at a later time. Perhaps she could invite the mare to the coming celebration...

For now though, happiness would be as simple as a day in the sun.

“Come now my friend, let’s go outside and play. We can go for a walk, perhaps get some ice cream as an afternoon treat!”

Careful Touch rolled his eyes.

“I feel as if this is just an excuse to get me outside of my house for something.”

Celestia giggled.

“As apt at picking out my ploys as ever Careful Touch. Yes, I was tasked with getting you out of the house so that a small party could be set up. It is the anniversary of your first year in Equestria!”

Careful Touch scoffed.

“That’s not that big a deal.”

Celestia shrugged.

“Regardless, would you assist me in my quest? I would hate for that triple chocolate cake, imported all the way from Ponyville, to go to waste…”

The earth pony’s eyes lit up with delight, and he sat up.

“Ponyville you say…” He smiled and patted Onomatopeia on the head. “Well, if it’s already ordered, I suppose I better play ball.”

He got up as Celestia cleaned up the mess, reassembling the tea cups with ease.

“You owe me a big ice cream cone for this!” Careful Touch said, flicking her with his tail as he grabbed Onomatopoeia’s leash and toys.

The dog began to bound about and howl in anticipation for a walk, and this time, Careful Touch did not yell, but instead cheered, trying to shout his joy as loud as the golden retriever. The pair fed off each other’s excitement until it couldn’t be contained, and they raced outside. Celestia smiled after them offering a small head pat to Jeeves before making for the exit of the cabin. She noticed a snowglobe sitting on a small shelf beside the door, inside of which sat a small red collar, worn to threads, but the tag still shiny. Celestia gave it a small shake, then exited the house, double checking to make sure the door was locked and secure. Careful Touch liked it that way, was at his happiest when he knew it had been double checked.

Then she was off, following after the earth pony as he and his howling dog trotted free of the forest into the brilliant sunny fields of Equestria.