“Why are they fighting again?” Queen Honeycomb asked as they all stared up at the two behemoths.
Sapphire Breeze shrugged. “Something about pineapple and mushrooms on pizza, I think.” She shook her head, “This is the third or fourth time with this.”
“And she has the nerve to keep reminding me about my greed-growth,” Spike grumped.
High above them, a wyvern and an oversized draconequus were trading blows on top of Equestria’s largest airship. How the vessel was supporting their weight and not falling to the earth below from their combined weight was something even Twilight Sparkle was having a hard time figuring out. Not that she was anywhere close by; pizza was just as bad as quesadillas in her opinion. The alicorn was currently taking cover in her anti-cheese panic room hidden deep in her castle. No-one would have wanted to hear her anti-cheese propaganda, anyway.
“FRUIT DOESN’T BELONG ON PIZZA!” Calypso bellowed, throwing a punch with her snowy owl right arm, a punch Midnight really should have seen coming a mile away but still got hit by.
“NEITHER DOES FUNGUS!” the wyvern roared back, blasting the chaos creature with a torrent of blue fire. Again, something that was very obviously telegraphed but somehow still hit. It also didn’t destroy the airship. Again, a good question for the resident princess/librarian with several PhDs, but again no-one wanted a lecture about how cheese was from Tartarus.
“Shouldn’t we stop them?” Windrunner asked.
“No. Let them fight.” Everyone turned to find Puzzle Mixer standing with them and observing the conflict above. “This will make a great addition to my book! Who knew the relationship between kirin and draconequi was so volatile!?”
Everyone groaned.
The groaned became a rumble and then the ground outside Ponyville erupted as something big, metallic, and vaguely reptile looking rose into view. It took everyone a few seconds to realize it was a giant, robot wyvern.
The flower ponies fainted, again, Berry decided now was a good time to try that new wine she’d gotten in stock (her panic room was in the middle of an upgrade, thus currently unusable), and a large rock that had been sent flying from the eruption landed on a cabbage cart in the middle of town square, sending the owner into hysterics.
Once the dirt, dust, and flying boulders had settled, a hatched opened up in the center of the giant robot’s chest and out of it came two figures riding an extending platform. “Citizens of Equestria!” yelled the taller of the two through a megaphone that the smaller one was holding up. “This… is MECHAMIDNIGHT!”
The robot roared.
“Hey, I just thought of something,” Pinkie said, ignoring the emo unicorn’s ranting, “why didn’t Calypso show up in the last movie?”
“Pinkie… what!?” AJ asked.
“Yeah! I mean, Discord was doing that whole “Summon all the other Titans!” thing, and Calypso’s a titan, so why didn’t she show up? And didn’t you die in that movie, Honeycomb?”
The young, golden changeling queen blinked slowly at the pink party pony. “No…” she said just as slowly.
“Oh yeah, that’s right, you get revived every time. And YOU still haven’t explained why you joined him, Dashie!”
“Pinkie, what in EQUESTRIA are you talking about!?” Yelled the prismatic pegasus, who was also probably gay as all get out. I mean, seriously, who has a natural rainbow-colored mane? Then again , my mother loves rainbows and is pissed whenever the subject of the gay community appropriating it comes up…
“The past movies, duh!” the ex rock-farmer explained naturally. “Thank goodness the first one with Midnight fighting those horny manticores didn’t completely tank, or we’d have another Midnight ’98 on our hooves. I mean, the TV show was awesome, but still…”
“Has anyone else checked out of the Crazy Pink or has it been just me?” Spike asked.
Fluttershy was just about to softly scold the young dragon that Pinkie wasn’t crazy, just eccentric (for the safety of her animal friends, as the loose psychiatric patient knew where she lived) when what looked like a mini thunderstorm erupted behind them and a silver chariot flew by so close it was amazing that it hadn’t taken any of them out.
Out of the chariot hopped… Calypso, wearing goggles and a lab coat. “Sapphire, great Irish!” she announced, rushing over. “We gotta go back, Sapphy! There’s no time!”
“N-n-n-n-o-o-o-o ti-i-i-i-m-m-m-e fo-or wh-a-a-a-a-t?” The pegasus asked as she was violently shaken.
“Your kids! Yours and Midnight’s! Something’s got to be done about them! I mean, one’s an alicorn and the other is Wiene from “Is It Wrong To Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?”! It’s all kinds of crazy!”
“I think we’ve got bigger problems right now.” Spine said, pointing up at the two feuding not-kaijus (for legal reasons).
Future Calypso looked up as well. “Oh, they’ll be down in a second.”
“AND NOW!” screamed the emo unicorn, who had been talking this whole time but had been ignored because no-one likes emos, “WITNESS THE FIREPOWER OF THIS FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL MECHA-PROTAGENIST!” The little badger-thing next to her put the megaphone away and gave her a small box with a button on it. The generic red button that did whatever the plot demanded; you know the brand. With a dash more flare that nobody saw because, again, who pays attention to emos (that’s what they want, anyway, and should never be rewarded for), she pressed the button.
Gears whirred and batteries hummed as the pseudo-wyvern aimed it’s head skyward. A red light began to flow up its body, because of course it was a red light. Emo-corn is a bad guy, remember? The red light seemed to gather in the false-draconic mouth until the light was nearly impossible to ignore, then it shot up and into the airship Midnight and Calypso, who had changed their fighting from pizza toppings to who was the better Air-Trotter (Midnight was adamant that it was Animal-Kin while Calypso swore it was a Mook).
The was a pregnant pause after the beam hit, then a screaming baby of action was born as the airship fell out of the sky, Loony Tunes style (yes TUNES, not TOONS. Learn your cartoon history, kids), directly onto the Mecha-Midnight, crushing it instantly. Both Midnight and Calypso looked down in confusion as neither had been harmed despite the drop.
“See! You wouldn’t have that kind of outcome with Ronald Reagan as president, would you?”
Everyone was too confused to answer.
“Now, we need to get back to that time further on from now that everyone tries to predict!” Future Calypso grabbed Present Sapphire, jumped back into the chariot, screamed “1.21!!!1!”, then disappeared in another small thunderstorm.
“Oh well, time to beat the oatmeal!” Pinkie said, trotting back towards Sugarcube Corner.”
“I’m… going to go lay down…” Honeycomb said.
“It was several hour later that I regained consciousness,” the emo-corn said sometime later that night, spontaneously narrating her life. ““Come Grubber!” I shouted, ignoring the broken bones! “We must prepare for tomorrow night!””
The small badger thing got up as well, somehow without injury. “Why? What are we doing tomorrow night, Tempest? Oh! Visiting a bakery? I could really go for some sponge cake or black and white cookies.”
““NO! The same thing we do every night, Grubber!” I said condescendingly, “Try to take over Eques-!””
She was quickly cut off by a giant black and blue egg flattening her. Unfortunately, this is a cartoon so she’ll be fine.
“Sequel Bait!” Derpy yelled from above.
THE END!
Maybe!
Yes!
No!
We’ll See!
