Dark of the Moon

Am I alive and dreaming, or dead and remembering?

Everything is wrong. Everything feels like a dream. My dreams- nightmares. My nightmares- reality.

It’s falling apart. Crumbling like rock under water. The tides unrelenting. Her, pulling them forward, dragging the waters of my destruction. You misunderstand us….

The only times it feels right is when I’m dreaming of dying. I wish I could. It’s the only thing that could save me. us.

We’re merely helping…..

It won’t be long now. Not long before she assumes absolute control, and doesn’t need me. I can’t, I won’t fight back. I want this…

My mind isn’t whole. She’s corrupting it. I can see things. Things to be, or have already become I cannot tell. I can see her face. That tortured look of defeat. Why couldn’t you fight back!? Weak. And I thought of you as the stronger one. Pitiful…..

We can’t. We mustn’t give in. This has happened before. Will happen again. The darkness. Spreading. She stopped us once before. We must stop her….

She calls for it. The end is nigh. Like the coming dawn. Dawn of the final day maybe. If all goes well…

No. I still can do something. I can fight back. There are still things she does not know. But this power. So much. Overwhelming. I can use it. We can use it. We will show them the way….

This is it. The final hours before our victory... I know what I must do. Everything is fading. Like looking through a frosted window, I can see shapes. The cold taking hold. All that is left is what I possess. My soul. My salvation.

My prison.

She’s taking control. Taking all that I have left. Burning my last thread. But it’s still tied to something. She doesn’t sense it. Our impending doom. If I can just pull hard enough. I can save them all. If I can’t control them, I’ll destroy them….

Yes... We will destroy them all. And I weep for them. For what I am about to do. There’s no turning back now. The sands have started falling. Picking up speed. It’s too late now; it will all be over soon. For everyone. The darkness is coming. A hellfire from the sky. She now knows what’s happening, but it’s too late. It’s unstoppable. I just hope they understand it’s what’s best for them. I cannot, will not let them fall under tyranny. They will call me a monster. What good will it do? Would they rather live with one?

I just want to go to them. To tell them it will all be okay. That they will feel no pain.
But I can’t. She would not allow it. And I cannot bear to lie to them. She would understand. She would tell me it’s okay. That I’m not a monster. If only….

Here it is. Our final moments. The screaming. It’s everywhere. Terrible. Children and adults alike all screaming in terror as one. They know what I’ve done. They curse my name. Call me everything they can think of. Oh how I wish I could have made things better. Not fallen to darkness. Stayed banished for a thousand years more. Not that it would have made a difference. I just want to apologize to them. To tell them it’s not my fault. That I’m not the monster; but saving them from it. From myself….

If a hell exists, I wish to go there, it is certain to be nicer than this place. The screaming is dying out. They are accepting their fate. Condemning me to being a demon. They don’t understand, and they never will. I am glad it will be over soon. I could not live with the guilt. It won’t be long now. And I grow sadder as it nears.

There’s just one thing….

Who do I pray to for forgiveness?

Do I even deserve it?