Sugar Games

by Nitrox

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random
Length: 7672

Celestia and Cadance have fun at Luna's expense

Coming back to Canterlot shortly before Cadance's wedding to Shining Armor, Celestia and Cadance soon grow bored on the train ride and decide to have a bit of fun...at the expense of a sleeping Luna. Needless to say, the princess of the night is none too pleased with this development and decides to enact some revenge of her own. Hilarity ensues, and bananas may or may not be involved!

Had this idea when I first saw LoCeri's comic, and finally have some time and enough ideas to make a proper story out of it. Just a bit of random fun, not meant to be taken seriously!

Picture used with artist's permission, and seriously, if you haven't already seen his stuff, LoCeri has some awesome and hilarious comics and is definitely worthy of a follow! (Or at least a cookie)

Published 2012-09-04 14:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-09 03:52:54 UTC

Chapter 1: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Sticky

“Tia, remind us again why we are forced to take this infernal contraption back to Canterlot,” Luna muttered under her breath, a smile plastered to her face as she stifled yet another yawn.

To her left, with all the regal poise and sophistication that was expected, strode Princess Celestia. Both princesses ethereal manes billowed against unseen winds as their eyes passed over the gathered ponies on either side of the procession.

“Because, dear sister,” Celestia responded, her mouth hardly moving as she maintained her own smile for the masses. “Cadance’s magic isn’t strong enough to teleport all the way to Canterlot, not to mention the protection spell that her fiancée is maintaining.”

“Granted, but why not simply take the royal chariots? Is that not what they are intended for?”

While the crowd was far too boisterous for the average pony to notice, Luna detected a gentle sigh from her left.

“Really, Luna? You would expect our royal guards to be able to fly the three of us all the way from the Crystal Empire to Canterlot? Even our strongest flyers would fall out of the sky after half a day of such a journey.”

It was with great restraint that Luna withheld a derisive snort at this.

“If thou art correct, then our little ponies have gotten soft under your rule, Tia. I remember our guards of old bearing thy royal plot to the gates of Tartarus and back, in full battle regalia no less, with narry a whinny.”

A moment of silence passed between the sisters, the elder considering the claims of her sibling.

“Surely you exaggerate, Luna. Our royal guard’s training regimen produces some of the finest warriors in the land. However, asking such a journey of them, particularly in the midst of a threat against the capitol, is simply too much when there are now alternative modes of transportation.”

Unseen to the elder princess, Luna’s smile had gained a slight smirk as she looked across Princess Cadance’s subjects.

“Perhaps thou art right, Tia. Thy royal guard truly is a force to be reckoned with. Perhaps it is thy own fault our guards can not bear thee. Thy flanks do appear to be a bit more...generous, than before our departure.”

Celestia’s mask of serenity was straining under her sister’s constant verbal jabs. Being the nigh immortal deities that they were, both sisters had learned just what buttons to push to get a rise out of the other, and currently Luna was working her way through every one of Celestia’s

“You know as well as I, Luna, that with age comes a grander stature than that of our youth.”

“Oh yes, and we're sure all twelve of the royal bakers would agree that it is your age that has lead to your ‘stature’. Surely it has nothing to do with the nuts of dough that you insist be served after every meal.”

“Now, Luna...”

“Every. Meal.”

The sisters shared a glance. Azure eyes reflected amethyst and Celestia took note of the mischievous glint that her sister had directed at her. The solar princess simply gave a quiet sigh and focused her gaze on their destination. She couldn’t really hold her sister’s antics against her. First she had found out that another alicorn had been born unto the world in her absence. Follow that up with the fact that said alicorn was preparing to wed herself to a mortal. Sprinkle on a threat to national security, a dash of sleep loss, and a splash of foreign affairs, and you had a recipe for one unhappy princess of the night.

The last week had been filled with more hob nobbing and hoof shaking than most ponies saw in a month. From philanthropists to dignitaries to ambassadors, the princesses felt as if they must have met half of Cadance’s populace by the end of their visit to the Crystal Empire. It didn’t help Luna's disposition that all of this kingdom’s normal business was conducted during the day. As such, she had been forced to turn her sleep schedule on its head, leaving her rather irritable when she was behind closed doors.

As they watched Cadance disappear into the royal train car before them, the cheers of her subjects following her, Celestia knew that their journey was nearing its end. Soon they would be back in their own castle, preparing for the wedding of the decade.

“Perhaps thou could ask dear Cadance for a few tips. She certainly seems to be keeping herself fit for her husband to be...”

“Provided that Luna makes it back to Canterlot” Celestia thought, her teeth clenched tightly, biting back the venomous retort she so wished to unleash upon her impudent sibling.

A few more steps and the royal pony sisters were aboard the train. Turning to give a final wave, Luna couldn’t keep her smirk away any longer as the doors slid silently closed, cutting off nearly all the noise of the crowds beyond.

The moment the doors closed fully, Luna let out a sigh of relief and sat down on the spot, bringing her hooves up to massage her cheeks. “Finally! Our cheeks art killing us from smiling so much!”

“Honestly, Luna, must you always be so melodramatic? I swear, sometimes you can sound so foalish.” Celestia responded with a roll of her eyes as she walked back towards one of the spacious cabins.

Just as she was about to open the first door, it slid open beneath her hoof, revealing a still quite chipper Princess Cadance. “Princess Celestia! I was just coming to look for you.” Poking her head out into the hallway, she took a quick look around and quickly spotted Princess Luna, who had ceased rubbing her face and was walking towards her sister. Cadance’s smile continued to shine, much to Luna’s annoyance. “Aah, Princess Luna, there you are. Both of you simply must come in here and see this!”

“Please, Cadance, there really is no need for titles...amongst.....family.”

As the pink princess stepped aside to allow the sisters to enter, they were confronted with a glorious sight indeed. Sitting on the table in the center of the room was possibly the most beautiful thing Celestia had seen since the return of her beloved sister. The array was simply breath-taking, so much color, so many varieties. The aroma alone was enough to cause her heart to quicken and her breath to catch in her throat. A familiar desire made itself known within her.

“I don’t think I’ve seen so many doughnuts at one time, besides at a bakery of course.” Cadance stated as she took a seat next to the door. Luna’s smirk only grew as she slipped past her sister, giving her a slight nudge with her hips.

“Should we leave thou alone for a few minutes?” Luna asked suggestively as she took a seat next to the window, a smug grin finding its way to her lips.

Celestia gave her sister a cold glare even as she attempted in vain to quell the slight blush that touched her cheeks at her own reaction. Snagging a fritter with her magic, the solar princess took a seat next to the bride-to-be and made idle chit chat. Soon, the train had pulled away from the station, and by the time the locomotive reached full speed, Luna was fast asleep.

******************************************

After a few hours of jokes, gossip and doughnuts, the princesses found themselves bored. As the pair tossed ideas back and forth on how to keep entertained in the midst of their sugar binge, a soft snore made itself heard from Celestia’s side. In the second it took to identify the source of the noise, a wonderfully diabolical idea began to sprout within her mind. Thoughts of all Luna’s snide comments and jabs over the past weeks rushed to her mind and only served to fuel her ravenous desire for revenge and entertainment.

Giving Cadance a gentle nudge with her elbow, Celestia tilted her head towards her snoozing sister before igniting the magic within her horn. A golden aura enveloped one of the doughnuts that remained on the platter. Before Cadance could ask what her surrogate aunt was planning, the pastry was flung through the air and landed with a soft splat against Luna’s forehead.

“Shoot, so close!”

Cadance gasped softly at Celestia’s sudden foalish behavior. However, when Luna failed to wake from the sticky projectile, the pink princess couldn’t help but giggle softly at the sight before her.

Without any warning this time, another doughnut was enveloped in Celestia’s magic. The tension was palpable as the solar alicorn lined up her next baked bombardment again’s Luna’s face, the challenge now accepted.

As the frosted treat sailed through the air, it’s arch brought it closer to Luna’s horn. To the princesses’ dismay, the doughnut once again landed short, this time splattering all over Luna’s starry mane.

“Darn it!”

The alicorns waited with bated breath to see if the target of their artillery would wake upon a second volly, though the princess of the night slumbered on. With a sigh of relief, Celestia set her brow in a concentrated grimace and reached out for a third pastry. Before she could seize it however, a hoof came down on her shoulder, followed by a mischievous voice.

“Let me try!”

Giving a slight nod, Celestia’s magic gave way to Cadance’s, watching as the younger princess tilted the doughnut on its side on the platter. Giving it the slightest of flicks with her own magic, the alicorns watched as the pastry was ejected from it’s place on the platter, on a collision course with the sleeping mare’s face. Watching excitedly, time seemed to slow as the frosted ring of revenge arched through the air. Closer and close it came to the indigo horn, increasing the princesses’ anticipation until...

“SCOOOORRRE!!!!!”

Both princesses’ forehooves shot into the air in celebration as the doughnut landed squarely around Princess Luna’s horn. The cheer however, was enough to rouse the princess of the night from her slumber. She cast her eyes across the compartment at her raucous companions coldly. As she opened her mouth to kindly ask them to shove a hoof in it, she felt a soft something splat against her nose. Using a hoof to wipe it off, she gave the pink splotch a quick sniff and a lick before the horrifying idea of what had occurred during her slumber dawned on her. Luna’s eyes shrank to pinpricks as she reached up and felt the sticky, gooey frosted mess that now laid claim to her beautiful mane.

Seeing Luna’s realization, Celestia put up the biggest, most sickeningly sweet smile, and the voice to match, as she addressed her sister.

“Oh, good evening, Luna. Care for a doughnut?”

Chapter 2: The Plot Thickens

As Cadance’s giggling at the sight of the sugar coated night mare began to wane, she couldn’t help but notice something odd in the air...

It was cold.

Not in the sense that somepony had left a window open. Rather, it felt as if all the heat was rapidly being sucked out of the train car. Within moments small puffs of air could be seen escaping hers and Celestia’s noses as Cadance began to shiver slightly. Likewise, as the heat was drained from the air, so too was the light. In fact, all of existence seemed to simply be vanishing before her eyes.

“C-C-Celestia,” Cadance stammered out, unsure whether it was the cold or her fear that caused it, “what’s h-happening?”

The younger princess’ fear only increased as she realized that she could not even hear her own voice. She felt as if she were trapped in a void; no light, no sound, just existence. Cadance cried out in fear and desperation with all her might, hoping beyond hope that she could somehow reach her surrogate aunts and return from whatever plane of existence she had been sent to.

Just as she felt her resolve wavering, a sudden wave of warmth and life filled her once more. Moments later, her other senses rushed back to her en force, revealing a missing princess of the night and Princess Celestia with a hoof over her face.

“Umm, Celestia? Pardon my language, but what the BUCK just happened?”

For her part, the solar princess gave a slight sigh as her hoof dragged down her face before casting a tired glance at the younger alicorn. “That, dear Cadance, was Princess Luna with her tail in a twist. I swear she can be so melodramatic at times.”

Cadance gave a small shudder, her eyes locked on the rapidly dimming horizon. As the sun’s rays reflected off the layer of clouds that obscured most of the sky, Cadance realized that night would soon be upon them. It was sure to be a dark night indeed.

“I should probably go apologize to her,” Celestia said as she lifted herself from the plush accommodations, prompting Cadance to do the same. “You should get some sleep, Cadance. You’ve got a very busy couple of weeks ahead of you.”

Princess Cadance responded with a loud yawn, which prompted a soft giggle from Celestia. With a slight blush adorning her cheeks, Cadance inclined her head to her elder in lieu of a proper bow. “Too true, Celestia. Have a good night, sweet dreams.”

“To you as well, my dear,” She said with a soft smile before stepping out into the main hallway of the train car, closing the door behind her. Out of the corner of her eye, she spied a pair of her royal guards stationed at the door leading to the next car. They were silent as always, though noticeably more on edge than usual. Celestia simply gave a sigh and made her way towards the train car’s showers.

‘And she wonders why I don’t let her start holding her own court yet’

As she reached the proper compartment, Celestia gave a few short knocks before calling through the door. “Luna, it’s me. Can we talk?”

“BEGONE, CELESTIA! WE HAVE NO WORDS FOR THEE!” The royal canterlot voice causing the train to rattle. Celestia winced at the use of her full name. It was only in moments of real duress or urgency that Luna called Celestia by her full name when they were alone; she had to admit, it stung.

“Please, Luna. I...”

Before she could say anything more the door was slammed open, revealing a dripping and still somewhat sugar coated Luna. The night mare’s fury was almost palpable as she stared down her older sibling. In place of the normally gentle billowing, Luna’s astral mane tossed and whipped behind her as if she were staring into the heart of a tempest. Her eyes narrowed to slits, barely concealing the now draconic shape of her pupils.

“Dost thou truly think that we would parlay with thee after thine actions? Begone I say!” The door sliding out of its place in the wall, only to slam and lock once more in Celestia’s face.

Heaving a sigh, Celestia turned and made her way back towards her quarters. ‘Perhaps she’ll be more reasonable in the morning. There’s just no talking to her when she’s like this.’

‘Of all the horrible, low-down, under-handed, conniving, dishonorable tactics a pony could stoop to! Attacking a pony while they're sleeping?! Even thy personal guards of old would give a pony the courtesy of facing their demise!’

Princess Luna sat in the showers, hooves in her mane, furiously scrubbing to remove all traces of the sugary treats while silently fuming at her sister and that cohort of hers, Cadance. After an hour of ‘lather, rinse, repeat’-ing, the princess of the night was finally able to detect neither sight nor smell of the confectionaries that she had been the victim of. Ever since her sister had introduced her to those baked rings of dough, she had held distaste for them. They were too sweet for her palate. The smell alone caused her to cringe and subconsciously locate the nearest source of insulin she could get her hooves on...just in case.

“Thank Sweet Faust that nightmare is over with,” She said softly with a sigh as she cast a spell on herself. In a matter of moments, all the water in her coat and mane evaporated, leaving her warm and a fog of steam to billow out of the washroom as she departed. Luna cast her gaze across the mostly empty train car, her draconic eyes falling on her guards. Giving a small start at the piercing gaze of the night mare, the stallions quickly saluted their regent, holding the pose until she vanished into her private quarters.

As Luna took to the bench her own quarters provided, she let out a heavy sigh and looked out the window to see her recently raised moon. Noting with a scowl the heavy cloud cover, the princess ignited her horn and cleared a patch of clouds that allowed the soft rays of moonlight to fill her room. Luna allowed a small smile to cross her features as she proceeded to fill a wine glass with her favorite marelot, taking a sip as she levitated a book in front of her.

“This whole week has just been one long nightmare. At least we can finally relax and enjoy thy glorious nights once more.” The glass came to her lips once more. “If it weren’t for that perky little third-icorn, this whole nightmare would have never happened.” Her mood properly soured, Luna tossed the book across the room and onto her bed before draining her glass. As she moved to refill said glass, a thought crossed the princess’ mind that brought a wicked grin to her lips.

“Why should we be the only one to suffer a nightmare on this Faust-damned journey...”

As the guards held their post in the hallway of the royal train car, they soon noticed an almost luminescent dark haze seeping from under Princess Luna’s chamber door and moving down the hall across the floor towards those of the remaining princesses. Nudging his partner with an elbow, the guard on the right addressed his fellow soldier as quietly as he could.

“Hey, Honor Bound, your cousin still working as a bouncer at that club?”

“I think so, Razor Edge. Why do you ask?”

“Think he could set me up with an interview?”

Love's Worst Nightmare

Cadance hummed a happy tune to herself as she dipped and swayed through the halls of the castle that lead to the royal suites. Her wedding was right around the corner and everything looked like it was going to be perfect. Between the gorgeous dresses, the mouth watering hors d’oeuvres, and the plans for the reception, it was shaping up to be the wedding of the century. Not to mention getting to see her favorite little friend after so many years.

‘Well, she’s really not so little anymore', The princess thought, a wistful smile finding its way to her lips. ‘Perhaps Shining Armor and I could take a few days during our honeymoon to visit Ponyville. I would love to catch up with Twilight and really get to know her new friends.’

Cadance gave a soft sigh as she leaned against one of the stone walls. She gave a slight shiver as her cheek came into contact with the cold stone, but did not pull away. The full moon was slowly making its way over the horizon and bathing the regal city in its ethereal glow. As the pink princess reveled in yet another of Princess Luna’s majestic evenings, she found it hard to keep her thoughts in the present as memories of a wide eyed purple unicorn filly came rushing back to her.

“Cadance, why is there a mare in the moon?” A starry eyed unicorn filly asked the princess as they sat together beneath the stars, a blanket draped over them for warmth.

“Well, Twilight, most ponies say that the mare in the moon was once an alicorn like Princess Celestia.”

“And you!”

Cadance gave a soft chuckle at the filly’s exuberance and tousled Twilight’s mane. “Yes, Twilight, and me. They say that it was her duty to bring out the stars and moon at night, and to watch over all the little ponies while they slept. It’s rumored that when Princess Luna was in charge of the night, they were some of the most spectacular sights that a pony could ever hope to see. Stars twinkled and gleamed like diamonds, and the light of the moon could allow even the most wayward souls to find their way through the dark of night.”

“But, Cadance, if her nights were so pretty, then why did she go to the moon? Didn’t she know that everypony would miss her?”

The princess let out a sigh as she turned her sight on the ever inquisitive Twilight Sparkle, her mouth turning upwards into a light-hearted smirk. “You know, Twinkle, sometimes you’re too smart for your own good.”

Temporarily distracted from her quest for knowledge, Twilight blushed and gave her foal-sitter a pint-sized shove, which only served to elicit a laugh from Cadance. The princess didn’t give the filly a chance to strike again and quickly pulled her charge in for a hug. “Cadance! You promised you wouldn’t call me that anymore!”

“Only when we’re in public, little Twinkle. Here it’s just you, me, and the Mare in the Moon.”

Twilight giggled and settled back in next to Cadance, casting her eyes back up at the glowing orb once more. “So what did happen to Princess Luna, Cadance?”

She shouldn’t have expected the filly to be dissuaded that easily and gazed back up at the moon as well. “Well, Twinkle, as the story goes, the princess felt that her nights were going by unappreciated. She wanted everypony to see just how much love and dedication she poured from herself into her nights and into protecting the little ponies she loved so much. In her quest for recognition, she turned to a spirit that tricked her into believing that it was her friend and that it would help her.”

“Why didn’t she talk to her friends if she was feeling like that?” Twilight piped up, failing to stifle a yawn as she snuggled in closer to Cadance.

Cadance couldn’t help but smile at the filly’s innocence, draping a wing across Twilight’s back in a comforting embrace. “Since she worked so hard on her nights and keeping her little ponies safe from the night’s dangers, she didn’t have any close friends.”

Before the princess could elaborate, Twilight spoke up once more, exhaustion quickly laying claim to the filly’s consciousness. “Then I’ll be her friend, then she won’t be so lonely and everypony can enjoy her beautiful nights again.”

Cadance felt her heart swell at Twilight’s words, laying her head down to curl around the filly as sleep claimed the purple unicorn. “I’m sure you will, my little Twinkle.”

As Cadance’s mind caught back up to the present, she brought a fetlock up to her eyes and wiped away the tears her memory had conjured. ‘Oh, my little Twinkle, I knew you would find your way one day.’

As the moon continued its trek across the sky and the noise from below died away, the princess decided that it was time to turn in and join her fiancée in their bed. Her smile continued to grow as she trotted down the hallways towards the suite Celestia had given them for their time in Canterlot. Thoughts and images sprang to mind in such rapid succession that, by the time she reached their room, Cadance was sure that she must be glowing. Taking a moment to collect herself, the princess reminded herself that Shining Armor had retired almost an hour earlier, claiming to be tired after tending to his troops and safeguarding Canterlot

Hoping that he wasn’t already asleep, Cadance pushed the door open as softly as she could and stepped inside, ready to treat her fiancée to a night he would never forget. What she saw caused her to freeze in her tracks and stare at the bed before her with a mixture of such shock and abject horror that even the guardians of Tartarus would fear for what she had seen. Shining Armor was indeed laying in their bed, and draped over him was the form of a white-furred, pink-maned pegasus engaging in acts that would not be appropriate to describe in the presence of foals.

“S-S-Shining Armor?!”

At the mention of his name, the stallion’s head shot up from it’s place on the bed and looked at his bride for a moment, trying to form his lust scrambled thoughts into a coherent sentence. The mare over him taking the briefest of pauses to take notice of the newcomer to the room before continuing with her previous actions.

“H-hey, Cadance, I’m sorry you had to find out like this. It was just so hard waiting for you while you were off running your kingdom. And after Discord...well, I just couldn’t wait anymore. Facing death on what seems like a weekly basis, I don’t want to face the end being known as the stallion who waited for a princess who might never come.”

Cadance tried to bring herself to say something, anything to respond to Shining Armor’s explanation. Unfortunately, her sanity seemed to have chosen to take that moment to go on vacation, leaving her standing there jaw agape and pupils the size of pinpricks. Her head began to swim as her fiancée went back to servicing his lover. Cadance’s legs shook for a moment before buckling completely, sending her plummeting to the floor. She only had a moment to notice it rushing at her before....

A piercing shriek tore through the cabin that housed Cadance and filled the hallway beyond. The princess shot up like a bolt, sheets telekinetically thrown across the room as she sat there panting, cold sweat running down her forehead and the back of her neck. In the dark of the room, the black mist that had permeated the cabin dissipated into the floor, unseen by the horrified princess of love.

Moments later, the door to the cabin burst open, revealing the train car’s guards, ready for action. Razor Edge was in first, his wings spread wide with his body crouched low, ready to pounce. The metal of his wing blades glistened in the moonlight that now shone through the cabin’s window. Honor Bound stood close behind, horn glowing with a slate hue, matching that of the spear that hovered over his head, poised to strike.

“Princess, is everything alright?” Razor edge asked as his eyes scanned the room. Having seen the foreboding mist that had been conjured from Princess Luna’s room, the guards had been prepared for just about anything to come launching out of the darkness at them. In fact, the guards had even begun placing bets on just what horrors awaited them beyond the cabin’s door, should their assistance be needed.

As Cadance regained her bearings and realized what exactly had happened, a rather fierce blush rose to her cheeks as she turned to the guards. “O-oh, um, yes. I’m terribly sorry to have alarmed you, sirs. I just had a rather awful nightmare is all.” The princess’ horn lit as her magic reached for her blanket and pulled it back to her.

Razor Edge tossed a glance back to his partner, eyebrow cocked in a questioning manner, to which Honor Bound simply responded with an almost imperceptible shake of his head. Had the guards been trained in the art of telepathy, the conversation may have gone something like this.

“You think we should report this to someone?”

“Are you BUCKING kidding?! We are either A: Ridiculed for reporting that the princess had a nightmare, that was probably just pre-wedding jitters, or B: It gets back to Luna and she does the same thing to us! I don’t know about you, but I’d rather retain my job and my sanity, thank you very much!”

In lieu of that, Razor Edge carefully tucked away his wings while Honor Bound returned to his post in the hall, seeing no reason to further occupy the princess’ admittedly cramped cabin.

“Is there anything I can get for you, Princess?”

“S-some water would be lovely, umm...”

“Razor Edge, ma’am”

“Razor Edge, thank you.”

With a respectful nod, the pegasus guard backed out of the cabin and quickly made his way to the galley. As he made his way back towards the sleeping cabin, carafe of glacial ice water balanced on his wing, a door opened in front of him to reveal the ever regal Princess Celestia. “Sergeant Razor Edge, I thought I heard a scream a few moments ago, is everything alright?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, the pegasus saluted his regent and reported in. “Seems Princess Cadance just had a nightmare. Nothing to worry about Princess.”

So absorbed in the fact that the goddess incarnate knew his name, Razor Edge failed to notice the multiple cracks appearing in Princess Celestia’s ever composed demeanor. The sweat on her brow, the shrinking of her pupils, the twitch in her left eye, they all pointed to one indisputable fact: Princess Celestia was scared. True, she had faced off with Nightmare Moon before, but that mare was all about power. This was a pissed off Princess Luna; a mare that could enter your dreams, read your subconscious like a book, and conjure whatever she could imagine in the blink of an eye.

Celestia had known that her sister had not taken kindly to her little prank, but forcing a pony to live out their nightmares in such clarity that one would swear that everything they saw was real? True, she had been locked in the moon for a thousand years at her hoof, but surely the princess of the night couldn’t be that malicious, could she?

So lost in thought was the princess that she failed to realize that her guard had asked her a question. “I’m sorry, Razor Edge, what was that?”

“I asked if everything was alright, Princess. You seem a bit distracted.”

“Oh! Um, yes, thank you, Razor Edge, it’s just been a long week.”

“Well then try to get some rest, Princess. We should be in Canterlot sometime tomorrow morning.”

“I will, thank you.”

Once Princess Celestia had retreated back into her room, Razor Edge made his way back to the younger princess’ cabin, a newfound pep in his step. Upon delivering Cadance’s water to her room and resuming his post, the pegasus nudged his partner with a wing, his voice rising just above a hushed whisper.

“Hey, Honor Bound, guess what!”

While the unicorn guard barely moved, the deadpanned tone to his voice spoke volumes. “What?”

“Princess Celestia knows my name!” Razor Edge quietly exclaimed with a smug grin breaking the façade of the stone faced guards that they were supposed to be.

Honor Bound merely snorted at his friend’s assertion. “Oh yea? And just when did she talk to you?”

“When I was coming back with Princess Cadance’s water. She wanted to know what the screaming was, so I told her.”

Honor Bound felt the air catch in his throat as his former partner’s fateful words met his ears. “Y-you told her what exactly?”

Razor Edge cast a questioning glance at his friend’s odd change in demeanor. “Just that Princess Cadance had a nightmare. Then Princess Celestia got real quiet and...”

Silence reigned between the guards for a hoofful of moments before it was promptly shattered by Honor Bound’s hoof colliding rather forcefully with his forehead. At the same moment, Razor Edge’s jaw collided with the metal floor of the train with a resounding clang.

"Oh buck me!"

Jumping at Shadows

As the train bounced gently along the tracks on its path towards Canterlot, Cadance soothed her frenzied emotions with the best cure known to pony-kind for an aching heart; cookie dough. However, while the youngest princess soothed her troubled heart, the eldest found herself unable to bring herself to sleep. In fact, the more she thought on the events earlier that evening, the more frantic she became. The clip clop of hooves echoed softly through her cabin as she paced back and forth, attempting to predict Luna’s next actions.

“Alright Celestia, keep it together,” she thought, desperately trying to keep her wits about her as she remembered the prank wars of years past. “Nothing you haven’t dealt with before. All you have to do is pre-empt her strike and she’ll be powerless.” Celestia’s thoughts went out to her niece and the horrors she must have suffered at her sister’s pranks. While the princess of the day was known for her somewhat mischievous nature, Celestia knew that she paled in comparison to her younger sister. The elder’s pranks usually tended to be little more than inconveniences to those involved; hot sauce in the soup, enchanted feather dusters; nothing terribly frightening. Luna, on the other hoof, seemed to have a knack of knowing just where to hit a pony to really get under their skin. Perhaps it had to do with being able to see into ponies dreams, or possibly her analytical outlook on the world and being able to see how things work.

Celestia released a pained sigh and glanced out her cabin window and up at the now exposed moon as it pierced through the heavy cloud cover that they night had brought. “Poor Cadance really didn’t stand a chance.” She thought with a heavy heart, though her sigh was quickly followed by a soft gasp of realization. Cadance had already been pranked, she had to have been. There are very few things in this world that can bring on such a cry of sheer horror as had filled the train only moments ago. Certainly if it had been a nightmare of Cadance’s own creation, Luna would certainly not have let it run rampant within her niece’s mind unchecked.

“No, Cadance has already received Luna’s wrath. What I need to worry about now is how to avoid whatever she has in mind for me.” While Celestia did feel guilty about not going to comfort her niece immediately after what must have surely been a traumatizing experience, she could not let her guard down for a moment now that the gauntlet had been tossed. Thoughts of previous pranks from her beloved sister sprang to mind; more than one of which made her shudder with disgust, fear, heartache, or all of the above. She knew that, even recently, the princess of the night had not lost her touch for the malicious desire to prank. The ‘fan’ incident had revealed that to her all too clearly.

Celestia shook her head to clear out such distracting thoughts and focus on the task at hoof. Luna was nothing if not original. It stood to reason that, if she could narrow down what kind of prank would be coming her way, she would have a better chance of knowing that it was coming and avoid it. Perhaps she could even turn it back on her younger sister for once. The princess of the sun began wracking her brain for all of the pranks that she had been subjected to in the past. The more she thought, however, the more she realized that Luna had been slowly upping the ante on her pranks. What had once started out as harmless worms in the bed had escalated to snakes, to poison joke, tainted treats, and even, Faust forbid, spiders.

The princess of the sun gave a visible shudder at that particular memory, though attempted to put it out of mind for the time being. She tried not to think about their beady little eyes; eight little orbs of pure darkness and hatred gazing back at her. She tried to not visualize their eight long, hairy legs that allowed them to crawl and lie in wait for their unsuspecting prey to wander underneath and drop into her mane. The princess tried desperately to not imagine the feeling of those horrible creatures crawling all over her, their bodies creeping across her coat and through her mane and….

“AAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!! Get them off, get them off!” Celestia shrieked as she leapt into the air and began sweeping her long legs against her coat in an attempt to remove the imagined vermin from her royal coat. Not a hoofful of seconds had passed before her ever faithful guards burst through her doorway, arms drawn and ready to, should need arise, lay down their lives for their beloved princess.

“Release the princess, you fiend!” Honor Bound cried out heroically, only to look around the cabin and find that said fiend was nowhere to be seen. The only occupant of Celestia’s cabin was, in fact, Celestia, who was presently hovering against the ceiling. Honor Bound and Razor Edge exchanged a concerned glance before looking back up to their regent.
“Umm, Princess? Where are the intruders that accosted you?”

Celestia looked down at her loyal guards with wide eyes. Her breaths came in quick, shallow gasps, her pupils had been reduced to pinpricks, her mane whipped back and forth as though she were caught in a hurricane, and her horn glowed brightly, as if preparing to unleash a rather powerful spell. After a few moments to regain her senses, the princess slowly brought herself down from her hiding place against the ceiling. While they couldn’t be certain, both guards could have sworn they heard the princess talking to herself as she touched her hooves back to the plush carpet of the royal cabin. “Deep breaths, in and out. Just like your therapist taught you…”

Coming to rest on her forelegs, Celestia took a couple of seconds to collect herself before addressing her guards in more of a manner they were accustomed to, though she still appeared a bit frazzled. “My apologies to the both of you. It seems I gave myself a bit of a start and called out prematurely.” She said quickly, putting on a fake smile in an attempt to put her personal guard at ease. It should be noted that, while Princess Celestia deals with dignitaries and very important ponies every day, and participates successfully in negotiations that affect millions of ponies, when panicked, her poker face is…well, about as good as Applejack’s.

Casting an unsure glance at his partner, Razor Edge stepped past Honor Bound and gave a small bow to Princess Celestia before continuing. “With all due respect, Your Majesty, it sounded as if you were being ponynapped. Are you sure that everything is alright?” Razor Edge knew he had already brushed off one subconscious warning from the princess that night, he wasn’t about to do the same thing again unless she gave him a royal order to do so.

Celestia released a gentle sigh as she glanced at the floor. She loved her guards to pieces, she really did. However, they did make it a little difficult to mask her neuroses when they were so adamant in helping her. The princess looked back up at the guards, who at this point had adopted a more relaxed pose, still remained alert for any potential dangers to the princess. Ever graceful, she had the courtesy of gracing her face with a soft blush before continuing. “Well, it is a little silly, but I thought I had seen…well, a spider.”

“A…a spider, Your Grace?”

The princess gave a soft chuckle of embarrassment to hide her true disgust and utter hated of the Tartarus-cursed creatures. “Yes, I’m rather uncomfortable with them and was a little startled when I saw one scurry out from under my bed. I would be ever so grateful to both of you if you would take a look around and make sure that there aren’t any more of them scurrying about.” By this point Celestia has gathered herself enough to put on her usual motherly smile that made others eager to please her as little colts and fillies wished to do for their own mothers.

The guards accepted her orders with a smart salute and simultaneously following with “Yes, Your Majesty.” Without any further prompting, Razor Edge and Honor Bound began searching every nook and cranny they could find. Behind the royal dresser, beneath the royal bed spread, even in the royal bathroom. However, despite their best effort, neither guard saw a single thing out of place among her majesty’s train car.

“We’ve checked everywhere, Princess, but neither of us could find a single spider, or anything else for that matter. I would suggest trying to get some sleep, your majesty, it’s been a very long week. I’m sure a good night’s sleep would do you a world of good.”

“Perhaps you’re right, Honor Bound, I have been rather stressed the past few days with everything that has been going on. A good night’s sleep is just what the doctor ordered. Thank you so much for indulging me. Both of you have a pleasant evening.” Having done their duty as royal protectors and being dismissed from said royalty’s service, Honor Bound and Razor Edge saluted their regent before exiting the room. As Razor Edge turned and moved to close the door, he paused and trained his eyes on the cabin’s window. Thinking that he had seen something there, he stared at it for a moment before shrugging it off and closing the door. Standing in front of the now closed door, Honor Bound raised his eyebrow to his partner’s pause.

“What? I thought I saw something on her window, but I figured it was just a speck of dust, so I—”
Unfortunately, Razor Edge wasn’t given the chance to finish his sentence, as the door to Celestia’s cabin had decided to choose that exact moment to explode off of its hinges and plaster the two unsuspecting guards to the wall of the train’s walkway. Meanwhile, the temperature of the walkway had risen considerably. By the time the pressure that had launched the door off of its hinges released and the guards were freed from their rather sudden banishment to the wall, they were dripping sweat and panting as if the oxygen had been sucked from their lungs. The truth wasn’t far off, as the first sight they were presented with was that of a missing wall of the train car where the window had once stood. Adding to the ambiance of the scene were the scorch marks radiating out from the wall, as if a small explosion had been detonated where the window had been only moments before. To top it all off, Princess Celestia, Regent of the Sun, Her Shining Immortal Majesty, Bringer of the Day and Vanquisher of the Eternal Night, was seated in the epicenter of destruction with a small, sheepish grin on her face like a foal with their hoof caught in the cookie jar.

Honor Bound turned his glare towards his partner, who had a grin of his own plastered to his face directed at Honor Bound, attempting to offset some of his partner’s ire. However, gravity reclaimed its rightful dominance over the two guards and dragged them back to the floor of the train car. As they slowly became unplastered from the wall, Honor Bound simply leveled a deadpanned stare at Razor Edge and, unable to conjure a more eloquent response, simply closed his eyes and released a breath so as to avoid uttering anything vulgar in the presence of his princess.

“I blame you.” Was all he was able to get out before the pair fell from the wall and landed on the door that had conquered them moments before.

Meanwhile, Luna reclined in her room and watched all of these events unfold though a scrying spell she had placed on her vanity mirror. In her telekinetic grasp floated a glass of marelot and a bag of popcorn. She had been giggling through the entire interaction, though she had lost all sense of decorum and propriety at her dear sister detonating her wall at the sight of a single spider. The ever-regal princess of the night was clutching her sides and laughing uproariously at the antics unfolding before her. “Oh-hoh, Tia! We could never have imagined anything so hilarious as this. While We do appreciate that ‘twas our previous shenanigans that hath instigated tonights suffering, it simply proves that we must work even harder on our own prank, so that it may truly outrank thine own self inflicted torment.”

Letting the spell on the mirror fade out of existence, Luna topped off her wine glass and lifted the book she had been reading earlier back up to eye level. Every line she read of said tome caused her smile to spread wider and wider. It could have been her reminiscing thoughts on her sister’s self inflicted arachnophobia, or imaginings of how her guard’s training regimen had sculpted their bodies perfectly. However, it most likely had to do something with the fact that the particular book that she held in her telekinetic grasp was imprinted with an exact duplicate of her sister’s cutie mark…and may or may not have been pilfered from her sister’s sock drawer in the royal palace.

Author's Note

To those of you who missed the joke, the 'fan' incident can be found here
http://csimadmax.deviantart.com/art/april-foal-203104309

I just want to thank all of those who have beared with me during my dry spell, and know that EFNW really helped pull me out of my funk and get over all the school induced stress. This has been the hardest chapter for me to write, mainly because I couldn't decide on what I wanted to do with Celestia in relation to Cadance.

Love it? Hate it? Not Sure? Let me know so I can keep on improving :yay: