Deep within the hidden changeling hive in Equestria's Badlands, the swarm stood arrayed and motionless. Chrysalis paced before them, the muted green glow of bio-luminescent fungi giving her a harsh and unyielding countenance as she looked over her children. Every changeling in the hive gave the Queen their full attention, two of her personal guards stationary behind her with the rest standing at review. She tried to project an aura of authority and command as she addressed her subjects.
"I have finished going over the reports," she said, her voice naturally carrying to every corner of the cave. "I am most displeased with the results of our operation against the Storm King and his army. With our failure to curtail his expansion into the Minotaur lands, there will be nothing to stop that overgrown ape from attacking Equestria!"
One changeling a few rows from the front knit his brow together in thought for a moment before speaking up. "Technically, he's a baboon."
Chrysalis spun angrily on her hooves. "Who said that!? Who dares interrupt me? I am your Queen!" She looked side-to-side across the sea of chitin before her, not noticing one changeling a few rows deep trying to make himself small as inconspicuously as possible. After fuming for a moment, Chrysalis let out a huff and resumed her pacing. "If, no, when the Storm King succeeds in conquering Equestria, our largest source of food will be gone! Enslaved ponies feel no love for anything, all they know is fear and boredom."
Another changeling further back in the swarm rolled his blue, pupilless eyes. "Can't imagine how that feels." A few changelings nearby chuckled under their breath.
"Who said that!? Who bucking said that!?" Chrysalis shouted at her swarm. After several seconds of silence with noling stepping forward, she raised her lips and snarled with her exposed fangs. "The next drone that speaks out of turn will regret it! Do not test my patience further." After several more seconds of staring down her children, she relaxed her expression and let out a deep sigh before continuing to pace. "Now, without ponies for sustenance, our survival is threatened. We will need to-"
"Balls!"
Chrysalis's expression turned furious as she snapped her head back to the swarm. "Who said that!?" Several changelings giggled in the crowd, but the Queen was far from amused. "Who said balls!?"
"Balls." A changeling far in the back smirked to his giggling neighbor after using his hoof to partially cover his mouth.
Chrysalis whipped her gaze to the back of the swarm. "Who was that!" She yelled. "I demand you stop that!"
"Balls," a changeling near the front said out of the side of his mouth, careful not to move his head.
The Queen fumed in frustration and rage as more of the swarm started laughing, stomping one hoof into the cave floor and sending a crack through the stone. How dare her children treat her this way? "Who is saying that? Stop saying balls!" She shouted, her eyes wide open and her pupils shrunken to tiny dots.
"Balls!" Said a changeling in the middle, having to raise his voice just to be heard over the swarm's amusement. Clumps of drones started to lose their composure, openly laughing at the situation.
"I am not amused at this one bit," she bellowed over the crowd's din, tilting her head back and filling the cavernous space with her voice. She fed magic to her jagged horn, giving it a brilliant green glow. "Stop this immediately! Stop saying balls! The next drone to-"
"Balls!"
As the last call rang out, the hive went dead quiet. All the previously-laughing changelings stared towards their motionless Queen in wide-eyed fear. After several agonizing seconds of anticipation, she slowly straightened up, her expression an obvious mask of calm. With the unease in the cave becoming palpable, she turned her head with excruciating slowness to her right. There, frozen in fright with his hoof still cupping his mouth, stood one of her personal guards; the unmistakable source of the final taunt.
Narrowing her eyes dangerously, the Queen of the changelings squared up her stance and lowered her head to point her horn directly at the offending guard. He gulped, trembling in fear before his enraged ruler, before turning and racing for the closest exit tunnel. He was only a few hooflengths away when the Queen's magic caught up to him, holding him in place before he disappeared in a blinding flash.
Chrysalis turned back to the swarm and stood up to her full height, tattered wings flared to her sides. With a manufactured tone of sweetness and a smile with too many teeth, she asked, "Now, did anyling else have anything they wanted to say? Anything at all?" Silence was her only answer.
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A squad of Equestrian pegasi troops on loan to the Crystal Empire marched through the frozen terrain, following behind Spike. They stopped at an intersection of paths through the snow, while their sergeant addressed the local hero. "Spike the Brave and Glorious, you've faced evil changelings before. What can you tell us?"
Spike walked a few steps forward, thinking on his feet. "Oh. Uh. Well, they are changelings, so, they can, change?" It wasn't his strength.
"You hear that?" The sergeant looked to his squad. "These monsters can look like any of us, so be on guard, guards! Even more than normal."
Seeing his 'advice' being accepted, Spike smiled and spoke with more confidence. "And, they could be anywhere!" The squad snorted in acknowledgment. "So, we should cover as much ground as possible!"
Feeling the rush of legitimacy, Spike pointed towards some of the guards and said, "You, search that way!" The troops rushed to carry out his orders, and Spike pointed to the sergeant and remaining guards, "And you, search that way!" They were off in a flash. Speaking to himself, Spike muttered, "And, I'll just search...here, I guess. Not many places to hide."
Spike proceeded to changleling-check a rock by kicking it and ended up sliding down a hole underground, narrowly avoiding a fall at the end down a sheer drop. Feeling his earlier burst of confidence all but vanish, he turned to find a way back up and saw a perfect copy of himself. Since Spike wasn't a dog, he passed the mirror-test but failed the changeling-test. Walking away from his copy, he heard it slip in the snow and turned back in time to see it brushing off the snow it landed in.
Realizing the jig was up, the second Spike revealed itself to be a changeling. Screaming in terror, Spike ran blindly away, colliding with a rock and falling over the edge of the sheer drop. The changeling darted down and caught Spike's tail in its mouth, flying them both back up and away from the drop. His initial fear dispelled, Spike expressed his confusion, stopping the changeling as it was about to fly away.
"Wait, I don't understand. Changelings are supposed to be evil, right?"
"Evil? Oh, not me. I just wanted a friend."
"Where's the rest of your hive?" Spike tilted his head. "Why are you out here all alone?"
"Oh, balls-" the changeling quickly shook its head, "I mean, uhh, b-bahh-buh-banished! Yep, I was banished, because...I was too nice! So they kicked me out and now I'm ball alo- I mean ALL alone, and starving!"
Spike had tears in his eyes. "That's terrible! You should come to the Crystal Empire with me, it's got the Crystal Heart and the Princess of Love and her new kid! There's tons of love for you to eat! Oh, and my name is Spike, I'll vouch for you even though I just met you!"
"Wow. Thanks, Spike! My name's Thorax. I can't believe you want to help me!"
"Well, I do work for the Princess of Friendship. As long as Cadance and Shining Armor are willing to play ball, you've got nothing to worry about!" Spike missed Thorax's wince.
Author's Note
Just a one-shot I felt like doing. Comments are appreciated, especially for dislikes; how else can one improve?
