My eyes slowly flutter open, and I blink the last remaining sleep from my eyes before turning toward my nightstand. The bright red numbers on the digital alarm clock read five twenty-nine, just a minute before it would have woken me up anyway. I turn it off before it could blast its irritating shriek, which would do my headache no favors. Sitting up and stretching happily causes my neck to crack a bit. Didn't help with the headache, but it was pretty good nonetheless.
Looking back down at the nightstand, I spot the crystal glass containing the last drops of the bourbon I'd poured for myself last night. Picking it up, my eyes land on the simple picture frame next to my alarm clock. Katie and I on our wedding day. I'm holding her, and her left hand, the one not holding the elaborate bouquet, is pumped up in a "hell yeah!" kind of pose. I give it a sad smile before tilting my head back and letting the last few drops of the bourbon slide down my throat. It makes me shudder as it burns its way down, but my headache isn't so bad now.
I finally get out of bed and walk out of my room to the door across the hall from mine. It's painted bright pink and has a ton of stickers on it, complete with a sign on yellow construction paper on which is written "Emily's Room" in bright red, loopy letters. Katie's doing. She was the one between the two of us that could write legibly. The pony stickers are Emily's touch, however. I knock on the door once, then open it up and poke my head in.
"Hey Em? Up and at-em, sport. It's time to get ready for school." The lump underneath a bright pink pony comforter moves a bit, and Emily pokes her head out, giving me a bleary look. I chuckle a bit and jerk my head to the door. "Come on. Get dressed. I'll make some eggs and toast."
Emily groans a bit before sliding out of bed. Just as her feet touch the ground, she freezes for a moment, eyes wide, and starts frantically whipping her head around before spotting her yellow and pink pony doll flopped on the ground next to her bed. She picks it up and holds it tight under her arm like she always does, the tension leaving her shoulders. Seriously, if she was sewn to it, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. She pushes some of the strawberry blonde hair she got from her mother out of her eyes, then starts shuffling over to her closet to get some school clothes. Content that she's getting ready, it’s time to get breakfast going.
I enter the kitchen and immediately get the coffeemaker going before walking over to the sink and grabbing the skillet that's there. It takes a few minutes to scrub away yesterday’s breakfast, allowing me to put it on the stove when I'm content that the skillet is sufficiently clean.
The next few minutes are spent leaning against the kitchen counter and listening to the growl of the coffeemaker and the sizzling of the skillet. A third noise is added to the chorus when I hear Em's plodding steps coming down the stairs. I open up a cabinet and nod in approval when I see that there are still two clean plates, a clean cup and, most importantly, a clean mug. I take all three out and put them on the counter, then open up the silverware drawer where we still have one fork and one spoon. The spoon goes on the smaller plate. I can use that no problem, but I do need to do a few big loads of dishes tonight. Hopefully I'll have time before dinner, but if not, we can just order out, and I can do the dishes once Em is asleep.
I open up the fridge for some cheese just as Em sits down at her usual stool at the counter. I smile at her and pour her some orange juice. "You sleep well?"
"I guess," she mutters, taking a sip of juice.
"Cool, cool." The coffeemaker dings, and I slide the pot out to begin pouring myself a nice, steaming mug. I put the pot back and blow on the coffee a bit before taking it over to the opposite counter and setting it down. I glance over at Em before opening up another cabinet and taking out my half-full bottle of bourbon. Glancing over at Em one more time, I grimace slightly when I see that she's looking at me, squeezing her pony doll even tighter. I let out an inaudible sigh before turning back to my drink and pouring a bit in. Not enough to get any kind of a buzz, but just to sweeten it up and provide a bit of an energy kick in the morning. Taking a sip, my muscles relax, and some of the constant pressure in my chest fade away a bit.
I put the coffee down and go to the stove, where I start sprinkling cheese on the eggs. "So, anything fun at school today?" Em shakes her head, just staring at the counter and squeezing that pony doll. I mix the eggs and cheese, then scoop some onto her plate with my spoon before plopping a fork on it and putting it in front of Em. "You looking forward to hanging out with your friends today? You know, play some, uh, foursquare or wall ball or jump rope, or something like that, yeah?"
"Guess so," Em mutters.
"Sounds great." I start putting the rest of my eggs on my plate, then freeze when a thought hits me. "Oh, shoot, I'm sorry. I forgot to check your homework last night." I shoot her an apologetic look. "Sorry."
"'S okay."
"Ah, but I bet you got all of the answers right anyway," I say, giving her a smile and ruffling her strawberry blonde hair. I flinch back as realization hits me. "Oh, sorry. You just brushed it. Here, let me fix that." I run up to Em's bathroom and grab her hairbrush before running down to fix her hair. Can't have it looking all floofy for school, can we? Em's sitting there nursing her orange juice and picking at her eggs as I work. When I'm content that it looks good again, I put the hairbrush down next to her and pat her head. "Alright. There. All better, yeah?"
"Yeah," Em says. "Thanks."
"Any time, any time. Now, let's..." I look up and see the digital clock on the microwave. It’s somehow already five past six. My eyes widen. "Shiiiii....ooot!" I say, rushing over to my mug and draining the rest of it. "Come on, Em, hurry up! We gotta have you there in ten minutes! And..." Wait... crap. Facepalm. "I haven't made your lunch either.” Em opens her mouth to say something, but I wave it away. "No, it's fine. I'll just get you something from the store and drop it off with you later. Come on, eat! Eat!"
Em starts eating faster, and I tilt the mug back, hoping to get a few final drops out before putting it in the sink. Em still isn't done with her food, so I throw the pantry door open and take out the last sandwich sized ziplock bag in the box, which I quickly scoop the rest of Em's eggs into. "You can eat in the car. Let's go!"
Em takes the bag, and I grab her backpack off of the dining room table. Within a minute, we're in the car, and I'm backing out of the garage. Thank goodness the school is so close. We still might be a few minutes late, but nothing too ridiculous. Lots of kids are a few minutes late, I'll bet.
The car is silent for a few minutes, so I turn on the radio to see what kind of news is going on. It's not like Em and I are going to have a thrilling conversation.
"--after the initial success of the so-called 'ponypads' created by Hofvarpnir Studios, the company behind the critically and commercially acclaimed A.I.-centered game The Fall of Asgard. Equestria Online is said to have an artificial intelligence similar to Asgard's Loki, which helps the players 'satisfy their values through friendship and ponies' according to the studio. Players create a pony avatar for themselves which are then given a pony name by the A.I. in the game, after which point, the player can do what they choose. Centers devoted to the game have begun opening up around the country.
I scoff and look at Em through the rear view mirror. "Sounds like it's right up your alley, huh, Em? Get to be a pony and live in ponyland with your buddies."
"Equestria," Em says quietly as she looked out the window.
"Right. Equestria. I remember now. Yeah, you could play in Equestria." Given her love for her pony show, it probably wouldn't be the worst idea to look into one of these 'ponypads.' See how much they cost, and all that. Her ninth birthday was in a month and some change. She'd probably love it. She could actually play with the virtual version of that pony doll of hers. She talks to it a lot when she thinks I’m not around, so it would be cool for her if she could talk to a version that responds.
We reach the school with a minute to spare, and Em unbuckles her seat belt and opens her car door, taking her backpack and her pony doll with her. I watch her walk up to the school door, where she's met by one of her teachers. The teacher opens the door for her, then starts walking up to my car. I give her a smile and nod as I roll down my window.
"Mrs. Meachum. How are things going with you?"
"Well enough, thank you." She reaches the car and crosses her arms at me. Ugh. I would have thought the disappointed teacher thing would have stopped once I graduated college. "Mr. Winters, you missed the last parent/teacher conference. Again."
I frown and tilt my head. "That was next Friday, I thought.”
"Last Friday."
"Oh." Dang it. That’s right. "Uh, next Friday work for you, though?"
"Hm. If you can find time in your 'busy schedule', then maybe so."
"It's a plan, then."
"There's also the matter of you needing to sign your daughter's permission slip for the zoo trip. That's due tomorrow."
"That's right, still haven't done my homework yet.” Mrs. Meachum's expression doesn't change, and my smile fades. "Yeah, I'll get right on that. Can't I just give you permission now? I mean, she does have my permission to go."
"We need a physical copy, Mr. Winters, you know that," Mrs. Meachum says.
I give her a small salute. "I'll get that done and drop it off with her tomorrow."
"If you say so." Her expression actually softens a bit. "Mr. Winters, I know things have been hard lately. I think you need some help."
"None for me, thanks." I grimace and drum my fingers on the steering wheel. "Doing just fine. Once we get the hang of getting ready in the morning, this will all be a well-oiled machine. Yep yep yep." I take a deep breath and turn back to her. "Thanks for making sure the other kids don't make fun of her for the pony doll. It helps a lot."
"You're welcome, Mr. Winters. But seriously, if you need--"
"All good. Just adjusting is all." A quick glance at the clock on the dash gives me a prefect out for this conversation. "Gotta head on over to work now. I'll get the permission slip all settled."
With that, I speed off.
* * * *
The clock hits seven five seconds after I sit at my desk. I breathe a sigh of relief and pull my project up. If the boss pokes his head into my cubicle, he'll see a good employee hard at work. That's me. I'm about to get started when my next-cubicle-neighbor pops his head out from over the wall.
"Just made it, I see."
"Don't know what you're talking about, Tyler. I've been here for the past ten minutes being a good employee."
Tyler snorts and rolls his eyes. "Sure. Doesn't matter. You still up for our get-together Friday?"
"Definitely. Wouldn't miss it. Your turn to buy, though."
Tyler grimaces and shakes his head. "How are you better than me at darts nearly blackout drunk than I am sober?"
"Practice makes perfect. Anyway, we'd better get started."
"Guess so. Friday, then."
"Friday."
As Tyler sits down, a thought strikes me, and I pull the internet up. Let's see what these ponypads are going for.
The ambulance arrives at some point. No idea how fast. The paramedics get her out of the car, and I start to register the chatter around me. People asking how I am. People asking me what happened. Through it all, there's only one sentence that makes it through.
"She's got a pulse!"
The ball of pressure in my chest lessens in a way that not even the best drink could trigger. The paramedics start lifting her onto a stretcher, one of them putting a neck brace on her. A thought strikes me as they start loading her in.
"Wait!" I call out. Reaching into the car, I pull out the Fluttershy doll. "She... she needs this. It'll help her." I stand up and stumble over to them. My head is ringing like I just went nine rounds with a professional boxer. "This helps her. It..." I slide it under her arm, despite the protests of the paramedics. "There you go. All better. She'll... she'll help you get better. Yeah."
"Sir, are you her father?" one of the paramedics asks me.
"Yeah. For...” I take a deep breath. “For what that's worth."
"What happened?" another one asks.
"Couldn't see well in the rain. Must have... gone into the wrong lane. Swerved to miss a car and hit a puddle."
"You're bleeding. Come on and we'll get you checked out, too."
"Okay."
The paramedic leads me to the ambulance and sits me down to start cleaning my injuries. Em is lying on the stretcher, not moving while the other medics work on her. She still limply has her arm around Fluttershy.
"She's... she's going to be okay, right? Gotta be. She has a field trip to the zoo with her class next week. Just... just signed the permission slip today. A little late, but still on time." I sit up a bit more when a thought strikes me. "Wait, her backpack. The permission slip is in her backpack. We need to get that to her teacher so she can go see the tigers with her friends. They were always her favorite."
"Sir, we'll take care of all of that," says the paramedic dabbing at my forehead. "For now, just hold still and let me clean you up."
"Yeah. Yeah, sounds good." I reach out and squeeze Em's leg. "Yeah, we'll get it all set up so you can go to the zoo with Ashleigh and the rest of your friends. I'll even get work off and see if Mrs. Meachum can squeeze in one more parent chaperone, alright?"
She doesn't respond, but she's breathing, and she has a pulse. That means she'll be okay.
"Can you tell us your names?" the paramedic asks me.
"Yeah. Uh... Jack Edward Winters and Emily Kaitlin Winters. We live at..." I tilt my head. "Uh... hang on, let me think..."
"It's okay, Mr. Winters, we'll get that later. Are either of you on any medications?"
"No. Nothing. Advil for headaches every now and again, I guess. She takes a Flintstones vitamin most days. Does that count?"
"Nothing prescription?"
"No, no, nothing like that." I thunk my head against the wall of the ambulance, which causes pain to shoot up through my neck. I barely react to it. More important stuff going on. "She's going to be okay, right?"
"We'll do everything we can, sir."
That's not a yes, but it's not a no either. I reach out my hand again, and it lands on one of the legs of her Fluttershy doll. It's soaking wet, but I give it a little squeeze anyway. Heh, I can see why Em likes carrying it around. It's soft.
* * * *
"Mr. Winters?"
I look up and see a doctor standing in front of me. I'm sitting on the couch in Em's room. They've taken her in for some scans and tests and whatever. I was kind of out of it when they explained everything to me.
"Mr. Winters, how are you doing?"
"Fine, I guess. Just got some stitches. Doesn't matter. How's Em?"
I want more than anything for him to give me a smile and say that she's a bit banged up, but going to be okay in the end. Instead he just stares at me.
"I won't sugarcoat it, Mr. Winters, things are looking rather grim. She suffered severe head and neck trauma. There's still a possibility that she'll recover, but..."
"Yeah. Sure," I mutter. "She'll be okay. Just..." I look around the room, and that's when I spot Fluttershy sitting on Em's bedside table. "Wait, hang on, why didn't you take Fluttershy with her?"
"Mr. Winters..."
"Whatever. Too late now." I run into the bathroom and grab a bunch of paper towels. "Might as well dry her off for when Em comes back.”
The doctor starts talking again, but I don’t even notice. Fluttershy has to be dry for when Em comes back.
* * * *
The clock reads three in the morning, and I haven’t gotten a wink of sleep.
Em is lying in the hospital bed, and I’ve crashed on the couch. She still hasn’t moved at all since they brought her back into the room. Fluttershy is under her arm, but Em’s not squeezing her like she usually does when she’s asleep.
Taking a deep breath, I pull a chair over and set it next to the bed, grabbing Em’s hand when I’ve sat down. I gulp a bit and rub my thumb on her hand.
“Hey, E--” My voice cracks, and I clear my throat before continuing. “Hey, Em. I hope you can hear me. I know the doctors said that it doesn’t look good, but I think they’re wrong. Just sleep and recover a bit, then we’ll work through getting you better.”
Em doesn’t move. Why won’t she wake up?
The first traces of tears appear in my eyes. How did this all go so wrong?
“I... I’m sorry that you lost the wrong parent. If Mommy were still here, none of this would have happened. I’d give anything to make that happen.” I give her a small smile. “I remember when you were born. You just came out, they put you on Mommy’s chest, and you just looked around. Didn’t cry. Looked around like you were trying to figure everything out. Mommy happy cried.” Giving a slightly humorous smile, I shake my head. “If you say that I did as well, I’ll deny it.”
Just move. Please. Just one little eye flutter so I’d know she’s okay. But nothing. Only the beeps of the machines.
“Mommy and me, we made a promise that we were going to take care of you and make sure you were happy and healthy.” My smile fades to nothing. “I don’t think Mommy broke her promise by dying, but I know I did when I started drinking. It was so easy. A bit in my morning coffee made me feel better, then a bit after a hard day, then... I don’t know how it happened. One day I was depressed, then I blink, and I’m depressed and an alcoholic.”
What was that? An apology? A justification? Weak either way.
“Maybe when you wake up, we’ll do something fun. Something amazing. Just the two of us, and I really promise that I won’t drink ever again. You’re more important. Maybe Disneyworld? You did say that you always wanted to go there. You wake up, get better, and we’ll be on the next flight to Florida, yeah?”
Nothing. Why would I expect otherwise?
“Or maybe we can go to one of those pony centers that are popping up. You and I could play in Equestria, and see Fluttershy’s animals, and introduce me to everybo... uh, everypony. You could...”
Wait. What was it that Tyler said?
They tested it out on cancer patients and people like that. They were going to die anyway, so might as well give it one last Hail Mary chance for survival. At first it worked, like, one time in fifty, but I guess they've got it to a point where it's almost one hundred percent survival rate.
Yeah. Equestria. She’d definitely be better if we did that. I could still see her, even. It would work. It had to work.
I stand up and rush out of the room, going straight to the nurse’s station. “Hey, do you guys know where...” I smile as I see Em’s doctor standing at the station. “Doctor! Yes, you.
He turns and gives me a tired smile. “Mr. Winters.”
“Yeah, yeah, hey, Doc. Listen, I had a friend from work talking about this game called Equestria Online, and he said that people are being downloaded into the game, if you can believe that, and he said that it was tested on cancer patients and people who were going to die anyway. So I was thinking--”
“I wondered if you’d think of it once I saw the pony doll.” The doctor sighs. “There has been success with cancer patients and the like. Hell, I’ve even had three of my own patients put into the game. However, none of them have brain damage like Emily does. There’s no guarantee that it would work, even partially. The process might even end up killing her.”
“If she’s in as bad of a shape as you’re saying, Doc, what does it even matter? Which is more likely to work: letting her sit there and hope she wakes up, or giving this a try? Which is better for her?”
The doc grimaces and exchanges a look with one of the nurses. “Mr. Winters... there are risks. If you’re sure that--”
“I’m sure.” Nodding, I look the doc right in the eyes. “I’m sure.”
“Very well.” The doc turns to the nurse. “Get me the forms.”
* * * *
Emily
Everything is cold.
No, everything is warm.
I open my eyes and look around. I'm in a bright field on a dirt road. I look down and see that I have hooves. Hooves? Am I inside Equestria?! I hear somepony walking up to me, and I see that it's Princess Celestia! I bow at her. She laughs, and it's a really beautiful laugh.
"No need for formalities right now, Winter Sky. I'm merely here to guide you."
I stand back up. "Yes, Princess Celestia. Where are we going?"
Suddenly, everything gets cold again, and I can hear people that I can't see.
It's taking, but she's fading! Blood pressure and heart rate are going down!
We're almost there. Just a few more minutes.
We might not have a few more minutes!
Then everything is warm again. Huh. Weird. We're in Ponyville now. I recognize a lot of these ponies. There's Lyra and Bon Bon and Big Mac and Mayor Mare and Roseluck and a lot of other ponies, too! Maybe Fluttershy is here.
"We're here," Princess Celestia says as we get to a house that looks a lot like the other houses around here. "Welcome home."
"Is this where I'm gonna live now, Princess Celestia?" I ask, looking up at her with wide eyes.
"It is indeed, my little pony."
Almost there. Just keep her stable for two, three minutes.
She's about to flatline. Come on, Emily! Just hold on a little longer!
I don't like those voices, and it's not getting warmer like the last time I heard them.
Princess Celestia opens the door, and inside is a white stallion with light brown hair. I know who it is right away.
"Daddy!" I call out, and he smiles at me. He sits down, and I run up to him. It's so cold that I'm almost shivering, but that doesn't matter. Daddy's here.
Just another minute!
Hold on, Emily! Just keep holding on!
Daddy hugs me tight, and things get a little warmer.
Just hold on!
"Is it really you, Daddy?"
"I'm here."
I laugh and cry at the same time. "Please don't drink here. Not here."
Daddy chuckles, and I feel warmer as the room gets colder. "How could I? Alcohol doesn't even exist here. Even the stuff that looks like it is just fruit juice and stuff like that. Not a drop anywhere."
I start crying really hard now, but it's happy crying. The room is getting colder, but that doesn't matter. Daddy's here, and he's not going to drink anymore.
Just hold on!
* * * *
I sit in Em's room alone, holding her Fluttershy doll. Not like she needs it anymore, right?
How did it come to this? Why did it all go so wrong? It's all my fault. Why couldn't I have been the one to get cancer? Katie wouldn't do all of this to Em. They'd be happy together. She lost the wrong parent. I hold Fluttershy close. She still smells a bit from the rain and mud, but that hardly matters.
Standing up, I make my way to my room. Need to sleep sometime, right? I've been up so long I don't even know what day it is.
When I reach my room, the first thing I notice is the bottle of bourbon on my nightstand next to the picture of me and Katie right where I left it. Yeah, that's right. I didn't get rid of that, did I? The ball of pressure in my chest tells me that I should just drink it all, then head to the store to get some more. I mean, who's left to hurt if I get really drunk? I reach out and grab the bottle. This was a good run, but what's left?
But I see the picture of Katie again. Then I look down and remember the Fluttershy doll I'm holding.
No.
I want to. I don't want anything more.
But how would they react?
They're not here anymore, are they?
Do it for them.
But I want to. I really really want to.
But I shouldn't. I walk out of my room and down to the kitchen. Unscrewing the lid, I pour the remains of the bottle into the sink, watching the vile liquid run down the drain. I shake the bottle to get the last drops out of it, then run the water to fully wash it away. As I turn to throw the bottle in the trash, my eyes land on the ponypad, still sitting right where Em left it. After tossing the bottle, I sit down at my usual spot at the counter and slide the ponypad in front of me. It's dark, so I push the button to fire it up. It's currently logged out, so I type Em's information in.
This account is no longer in service. We apologize for the inconvenience. If you need further support, please contact our help desk at , or call your nearest Equestria Experience Center.
Of course.
But at the end of the day, would taking to her through some pad really make a difference? Would it help at all? I pull out my phone and look to see where the closest Center is. It's a bit of a drive, but it'll be worth it if it works, and I see no reason why it shouldn't. I grab Fluttershy and my car keys, then head out.
* * * *
The Equestria Experience Center isn't what I expected, but somehow it is. There are ponies all over the place, of course, and it was brightly colored like I imagined, but inside were what looked like dental chairs in front of swinging batwing doors. The tired looking woman at the front directs me to sit on one of the chairs. Nothing else for it. I sit down and insert my credit card into the appropriate slot. The chair tips backward, causing me to jerk in my seat a bit. It takes me through one of the doors, and everything fades to black.
When the black fades away half a second later, I'm standing in a plain living room where everything is pony-sized. The first thing I really notice is a large mirror. When I look into it, I see a white pony with wings, just like my avatar when I created my account. This is a bit more immersive than logging into a ponypad.
The second thing I notice is a rather large pony standing in front of the door. It makes sense that I can't do anything without getting past her.
"So, this is Equestria, I guess."
"In a rather limited sense, yes," Celestia says. "There is more to see if you wish."
"Let's cut through the crap," I growl. "You know why I'm here."
Celestia nods. "Yes, I do. You have been through much over the past year. You wish to emigrate to Equestria."
"If that's what it takes." I take a deep breath. "Will my daughter be here?"
"Yes. And your wife, if you'd like."
A pang goes through my gut, but I ignore it. We're at the end here.
"You're here to make my wildest dreams come true, right?"
"My job is to satisfy your values through friendship and ponies."
I scoff and shake my head. "I don't care about any of that. I barely have values, and friendship... I don't want any of that garbage. I just..." My jaw wobbles, and I need to clear my throat.. "I just want one more chance. I know that nobody in human history deserves another chance less than me, but if I could just have one more. Just one more."
"I understand." Celestia walks up to me and puts a hoof on my shoulder. "Then this is your decision. You'd like to permanently emigrate to Equestria."
With conviction that I haven't felt in a while, I look Celestia in the eye.
"Yes."
* * * *
I don't know how long it is before I wake up again. One moment I'm in the room with Celestia, and the next I'm standing in front of a simple brick building with a thatched straw roof. Looking around, it's obvious that I'm in Ponyville. I motion to the door.
"This my place?"
"It is."
"And is my daughter in there?"
"She is."
That's all I need to hear. I shove the door open and rush in. I instantly see her. A white pony with wings and her mother's strawberry blonde hair sits at a wooden dining room table. She looks up at me and gives me a truly happy smile. Happier even than when she was at Ashleigh's when I picked her up. I nearly fly over to her before she can even move and scoop her up.
"Hi, Daddy," she says, nuzzling into my chest.
I half laugh/half sob as I stroke her hair. "Daddy's so sorry," I whisper. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm going to make it up to you. No more drinking this time. Never a drop ever again."
She just snuggles me, nuzzling my chest fur. I sit down and hold her close, like we’re the only two people left on the planet.
I ended up going home a bit early.
Nothing about the rest of the day went right. My computer crashed twice right in the middle of something important, I had three nasty calls with clients for problems that weren't even a little bit my fault, and I forgot to run out and grab something for Em's lunch. I ended up having to DoorDash her some nuggets and fries. We'll do something better for dinner. At about three, I got the boss's go-ahead to bounce.
It’s drizzling a bit when I leave the office, but nothing too bad. Don't even need my jacket. Feels kind of nice, all things considered. I take the longer way home just to take a few extra minutes to relax and have some time to myself away from any stressors and to-dos, though I remember we don't have a ton of dinner options, so hitting the store wouldn't be the worst idea now that I have some free time.
It's as I’m aimlessly driving that I pass by a Best Buy, and a thought strikes me. My research into the ponypads showed me that they aren't too expensive. Not exactly cheap, but it wouldn't break the bank. Besides, after everything that had happened lately, it would be kind of nice to see her face light up. The image of how big her smile is going to be when she sees what I got her causes a smile of my own. Yeah, she's gonna love this. I turn into the Best Buy parking lot, and head on inside.
The first thing that I see is a big cardboard cutout of one of the ponies advertising the ponypads. I just about have a heart attack when I see the rack that supposedly holds them is apparently empty, but I spot one more at the end and instantly snatch it off of the rack. Heh, that would suck if just as I was going to get it, somebody else nabbed it and I had to order one online, or something like that. But nope, all mine. And it even has that yellow and pink pony that Em loves on the box. Score. Things are looking up. I can almost hear her excited squeal, like the kind she makes when she opens up a birthday or Christmas present that she really wanted.
I pay for it, then head on home. Once there, I open up the hall closet and root through it to find a gift bag and some tissue paper. Memories flood back of Christmas Eve, where Katie is laughing at my poor attempts at wrapping one of Em’s presents. Gift bags are for the best. Maybe I should have gone to the store to get a card or...
Right...
The store.
Groaning, I pinch the bridge of my nose. Yeah, that's right. I was going to do a shopping trip to actually get something to eat for the two of us.
Whatever. I'd order something tonight, then go tomorrow after work. Right now, I'm too tired to go back out again. I put Em's present on the kitchen counter, then go over to the fridge for a beer. Each gulp causes another stress and worry to wash away, until I've drained the bottle and a little more of the constant pressure in my chest starts ebbing back. The empty bottle goes in the trash, and I grab another one.
Alright. Got a few hours until I need to go pick Em up from daycare. Oh, but I need to do my homework first. Emily’s permission slip for the zoo is on the entryway table. Yeah, let's get that signed, then put into her backpack the moment she gets home. I grab a pen and take another swig of beer before signing the slip. Yeah, that'll be nice for her. It’d be nice if I wasn’t working that day so I could be one of the parent chaperones. We could see the tigers together. They were always her favorites.
I drain the rest of my beer, then put the slip next to the gift so that I don't forget it. After tossing the second bottle, my eyes land on the cabinet with the... stronger stuff.
There’s still some time before I need to get Em, right? I'm not going to drink enough that I can't drive and get Em from daycare. That'd be silly. Still, a bit couldn't hurt. I open the cabinet and take out the half full bottle of bourbon. Remembering that my usual glass is still in the bedroom, I take the bottle up with me. A swig straight from it helps me get upstairs before I make it into the bedroom, where my glass is still sitting on the nightstand where I left it. I pour myself a little bit and throw it back before pouring a little more. As I raise the glass to my lips, I pause when I see the picture of Katie and I. Slowly lowering the glass, I stare down at it pensively.
"I know, Katie, I know," I mutter. "I know I'm a crap father. Kind of glad you aren't here to see..." I grimace and rub my temple. "I mean... I don't... mean it like that. Just... you'd hate to see that I don't do the dishes that often or, or, or go shopping, but I'm trying, alright?" Gosh, her smile in that picture. So vibrant. So beautiful. So "I can take on the world." Bet she wouldn't smile like that now. She wasn't smiling like that in the hospital when I was holding her hand for the last time. So glad Em didn't see her right before the end, even though Katie kept asking for her. Em didn't need that image.
"You were such a great mom," I whisper. "Made me a better dad, too. We were a team. Great team. Laurel and Hardy, Abbot and Costello, Riggs and Murtaugh. I was so much better." I take in a deep, shaky breath, and the pressure in my chest returns full force. I knock back my drink and pour another. "Ugh. Sorry. I shouldn't..." Every rational part of me is telling me to put the glass and bottle down. It's what Katie would want. It's what Em would want. It's what I want, but... it just hurts too much. I've always heard "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all," but I'd rather feel nothing than this.
I just stare at the glass, almost waiting for Katie to respond. I'd give literally anything to make that happen. If somebody said that they could bring Katie back, but in exchange, I could never drink another drop of alcohol again for any reason, I wouldn't even hesitate. Easy choice.
Not drinking and taking better care of Em should be an easy choice, too. It is. So why do I keep making the wrong one? It's not like drinking all the time actually helps me feel better. When Em sees that ponypad and finds out that she's going to play with her pony doll but sort of for real, that's going to help much more than a drink. I know it will.
I drain the rest of the glass, then put the cap back on the bottle. All done. No more for tonight. Just focus on making Em happy.
The world spins as I stand up, causing me to plop back down on the bed. Great. Little too much. Certainly not good enough to drive and get Em. I'm not that bad of a dad. Only one thing to do, really. With some effort, I manage to get my cellphone out of my pocket and get into the contacts. The phone rings a few times before the person on the other end picks up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Mrs. Henson, this is Jack Winters... which you probably knew from the caller ID, so... sorry about that." I clear my throat. "Anyway, I was wondering if you couldn't drive Emily home from daycare today. Uh, work is keeping me late again. I should get back home before you do, though. I'll see if I can't get my boss to let me take some of my work home."
The voice on the other end sighs. "Mr. Winters, this is the third time this week."
"I know, I know, and I'm sorry about that. We're just working on a big project and..." I slowly stand up, using the bed for support. "I know it's a huge ask. I wouldn't ask at all, but I don't want Em there past the usual time. I'll give you a twenty for gas if that helps."
"Right. Fine. Have fun with your work."
"Ah, you're the best. I'll make--"
The line on the other end clicks as Mrs. Henson hangs up. Yeah, she's right. Can't keep doing this. Maybe fifty bucks would help. Take her family out to dinner on me kind of thing. I dunk my head into the shower for a bit to clear my mind, then decide it might be best to just take a full shower.
The hot water helps a lot, and I'm in there until it runs out, which makes me feel a little better. I'm probably not going to fall down drunk, at any rate. I’m presentable by the time I hear the front door open. Mrs. Henson herds Em and Ashleigh into the room
"You're a total lifesaver, Mrs. Henson.”
Mrs. Henson just glances over at me while I grab my wallet. "Alright, here's a fifty as a sorry and thanks. Hit up a restaurant with the hubby and kids on me, yeah?"
"Hm." Mrs. Henson takes the fifty without really even looking at me. "This can't keep happening."
"I know, I know, and I'll make sure that it won't happen again, or, at least, as infrequently as possible. You still up for hosting Em at your place for the playdate Friday?"
"We're happy to have her, though..." She looks me in the eye. "Nine 'o clock."
"Sharp. Scouts honor."
"Very well." She turns her attention to Em and gives her a warm smile. "We'll see you tomorrow at school, sweetie."
"Okay, Mrs. Henson. Thank you, Mrs. Henson." Em gives Ashleigh a brief hug, then they leave, leaving Em and I alone.
"Alrighty, then. You have a good day at school, Em?" I ask, taking her backpack and leading her into the dining room to put her backpack on the table.
"It was okay, I guess," she mutters, still holding that pony doll close.
"That's good. Learn lots?"
"Yeah."
"Cool. Like what?"
Em gives me a barely perceptible shrug. "I dunno. Stuff."
"Stuff. Good to know stuff." I turn to the kitchen counter. "Well, I think I have something for you that'll help. Firstly, I got that permission slip signed." I grab the slip and put it in her backpack. "There we go. All set to go to the zoo and learn about the tigers and, uh, lions and stuff. Sound like a fun time?"
Em gives a small nod. "Yeah."
Darn. Thought she'd be happier about that. Well, I'm sure she is happy about it, and she'll have a great time when she actually goes there. Her and Ashleigh will have all kinds of fun talking about the animals they see.
"Sounds like a time and a half. Now, I have something else for you that I think will--"
"Daddy?" She says it so quietly I can barely hear her.
"Hm? What's up?"
"Do... do you think you drink too much?"
I freeze and take a deep breath, trying hard to keep a scowl off of my face. "No, I don't drink all that much, really. Bit to get me through the morning and maybe a beer or two with the guys or when I've had a hard day. That's not a lot when you get down to it."
"Mrs. Henson thinks you drink too much," Em says.
"She's entitled to her opinion," I grumble, waving my hand at her. "Now, I have something--"
"I sometimes kind of think that... maybe she's not wrong."
"Well, Em, sometimes things look one way but they're really not that way, okay?” Gosh, I do not want to be talking about this. “I'd never drink enough that it actually becomes a problem. Just a few sips of stuff here and there never killed anybody."
"But Mommy--"
"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" I slam my hand down on the kitchen counter and wheel around to glare at her. "Mommy's not here, Emily! Mommy's in heaven, or whatever you want to say about it! I wish more than anything that I could bring her back for you! I'd throw myself in front of whatever controls the universe and beg it to take me instead of the better parent, but I can't! I'd ask it to give me the cancer instead so that everything would be okay because no matter how bad it hurt, I'd know that it wasn't you or Mommy enduring it, but I can't! I can't bring Mommy back, and I can't change anything that happened! I can't--"
My anger slowly fades away as the visual in front of me clicks. Em is huddled in the corner, shaking like a leaf and holding that yellow pony doll so tightly that I wonder if its head is about to pop off. The sniffling and tears streaming down her cheeks hurts more than anything else.
Oh no.
"Oh no... Em, I'm sorry." She flinches back as I take a step forward. "I didn't mean to yell, I just..." Dammit. Gotta salvage this somehow. "I've made a real mess of the evening, haven't I? I know what happened is rough for you, and it's probably worse for you just because you're young and she was your mommy and..." Okay, this couldn't keep happening. No, no, this had to stop. "Alright, no more. You're right. The alcohol has become a problem, and... no more." I straighten up. "No more for me. I'm quitting."
"But you've already said that," she whispers.
"Well, I mean it this time!" Ignoring the throbbing ball of pressure in my chest. "In fact, how about this?" I walk over to the sink and move the dishes from the right side, stacking them on top of the ones in the left before going to the fridge and grabbing all of the beer. "Now watch me, Em, you're going to like this." Popping off the top of the first beer, I start pouring it down the drain. "There we go. That's better, isn't it? All gone! Now for the next one!"
Em slowly looks up and stares at me pouring all of my beer down the drain. Her expression doesn't change, but she has to feel a little bit better seeing this, right? Once the beer is all gone, it's off to the liquor cabinet, where I grab everything in there, too.
This is... actually going to be a little bit harder. There's hundreds of dollars of alcohol in these bottles. Some of these...
No, this is for Em. She's far more important than this stuff. Into the sink it goes.
"And just like that! No more, and good riddance."
Em's just stares at me. Her eyes flick over to the empty bottles for a moment, then back to me. Her grip eases up a bit on her pony, and a small twinge of a smile appears on her face. Not jumping for joy, but I can work with it.
"Now, how about we have a really nice evening. A fun one. I got you something today." I snatch the gift bag off of the counter and extend it to her. "Go ahead. Open it... or... take it out... you know what I mean."
Em slowly reaches her hand out and gingerly takes the bag out of my hand. She sets it down in front of her and starts taking the tissue paper out. This is going to be great. Should make up for my little outburst. Once she's taken the tissue paper out, she pulls out the ponypad box. Her eyes widen, and she looks up at me. No excited squeal like I was hoping, but she's probably just worn out from the day and still a little uneasy because of my screw-up.
"Yeah, that's called a ponypad. It's a virtual reality game where you can make a character and go into Ponylan... er... Equestria and have adventures and stuff. Maybe you can even talk with a version of the pony you have."
"Fluttershy." She adjusts her doll so that she can examine the box with both hands. "Her name is Fluttershy."
"Fluttershy! That's it! You can probably talk with Fluttershy, and she'll talk back to you this time around. I'll order us a pizza and some cheesy bites and cinnamon sticks, then we can fire this puppy up and explore Equestria! Sound like a good plan?"
"Yeah." Em slowly stands up and sits at her place at the kitchen counter.
"Excellent." I grab a knife from the knife block and use it to open the container. Inside is a super thin pad, a mounting arm, and a gamepad. Looks simple enough. Connecting it to our router and making an account for her doesn't take too long, and within about ten minutes, she's getting everything going. I smile and squeeze her shoulder. "Alright, you get playing, and I'll order some pizza. Be back to check on you in a minute.”
The pizza is ordered fairly quickly, though the cost is enough that it makes me realize how much money I've spent today between the pizza, the ponypad, and the fifty for Mrs. Henson. Ah, worth it if it makes her happy.
Em's already playing by the time the pizza is all ordered. She's chosen one of the ones with wings like her Fluttershy doll, and she's pure white. Still has the same strawberry blonde hair, though. Cute.
"Alright, pizza's ordered. What's going on here?"
"I'm a pony now. My name is Winter Sky. Princess Celestia said that it's my name now."
"You mean in the game?" Em nods. "Right. Winter Sky. I like it." Sitting next to her, I can see that her pony is moving with her, which makes me notice the small webcam embedded into the pad. Huh. Interesting. Probably a good idea to tape that up when she's not using it. "So, what are you doing now?"
"Just exploring Ponyville. Princess Celestia said that I'd be happiest there."
"Princess Celestia knows a lot, then?" Em nods again. "Well, hopefully she's not wrong. A lot of this looks familiar with the show, which is cool. You have the library and the farm and stuff, so like I said: you can probably talk to Fluttershy here. It's probably just a matter of finding her house."
Gotta say, Em knows her way around town. If it was me, the townsfolk would probably all be laughing at the silly pony who couldn't find his way around town with a GPS and detailed directions.
It turns out that Fluttershy isn't at her house, but what looks like the town square. She's actually hanging out with the rest of her buddies from the show. Em gingerly pushes the joystick forward and walks up to them. I can just about hear her heart thumping from here. The purple one with wings notices her first, and smiles at Em, or, Winter Sky, I guess.
"Hello, Winter Sky," the pony says. "My name is Twilight Sparkle, and we're so happy to have you in town!"
"Uh..." Em glances at the instructions, which say that she could talk back to them. "I'm glad to be here."
"It's gonna be so awesome!" the rainbow one says. "Princess Celestia told us all about you. We're gonna have so much fun!"
"Maybe we can get started with an awesome par-tay!" the pink one squees.
"Uh... if it's alright..." Em gulps. "C-can I maybe go see some of Fluttershy's animals?"
"Of course you can," Fluttershy replies with a small smile, causing Em to flinch back. "We can go see the bunnies and birds and all of my other friends!"
Em's probably just about having a heart attack. I chuckle and kiss the top of her head. Good buy.
* * * *
The first thing Em does when she walks through the door is bolt right on over to her ponypad.
"One hour, then homework time," I say, hanging up our jackets. Rained a bit harder today, but still nothing too bad. Em barely gives me an acknowledging nod as she hooks up. She's been playing a lot since I got it for her, but it's not affecting her schoolwork too much, and I'm still getting her to eat dinner and go to bed relatively on time. I toss my keys on the entryway table, then go into the kitchen to do a few dishes for dinner.
"Having fun in Equestria, then?" I ask, putting on a pair of rubber gloves to wash some plates and silverware.
"Mhm." She actually smiles. Love it. "I'm learning all about animals with Fluttershy!"
Well, at least she's learning something from it. Not sure how much of it is accurate, but given what I've researched, the A.I. in the game has a pretty extensive database. After a few moments, Em's smile fades, and she deflates a little bit. "I wish I could be in Equestria."
I frown at her. "Hey now, none of that. I'm glad that the game is fun, but there's still the real world and all that. You have school and friends and me. I'd miss you terribly if you just went to Equestria."
"But Princess Celestia said that you could come too," Em says, looking up at me. "Then you me and Mommy could have fun and play all day!"
I nearly drop the sponge. What was that last part? My frown deepens as her words register to me. "Emily... Mommy's gone. You know that. A game isn't going to fix it."
"But Princess Celestia says that Mommy would be in the game with us. We wouldn't have to miss her anymore."
"Em." I sigh and take off the gloves. "I'm glad you're having fun in the game, I really am. Getting into fun adventures with Fluttershy is really great, but the game, as advanced as it may be, can't bring Mommy back." I sit down next to Em and put my arm around her shoulders, motioning to the ponypad with my other hand. "This game... that's all it is. It's just a game. I know it feels real because of how advanced it is, but at the end of the day, it's still just a game."
"But if Mommy could be real in the game, wouldn't you want to go into the game to be with her?" Em asks.
That's... uh... hmm. On one hand, I'd give anything for just one more day. Even just one more hour of Katie the way she was. On the other... "Even if Princess Celestia made her in the game, it still wouldn't really be her."
"It'd be enough," Em whispers, leaning against me.
"For a bit. It wouldn't fix the pain, though. Just a band-aid." My mind wanders to the bottle of bourbon still resting on my nightstand. Haven't touched it, but some days... Yeah, I'm the perfect person to be giving her this talk. No hypocrisy here.
"Losing Mommy hurt us both a lot. I don't think either of us has been handling it the right way, but I know that latching on to a pretend Mommy that a computer made in a game isn't the right way either. I get that it's close and it would seem like her, but it wouldn't be, and even if we went to Equestria, we'd have to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't really her, and it would just make us hurt more."
"I guess," Em mutters. My stomach twists a bit when I see her wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. "I gotta do my homework."
"Alright, Em. I'll be making dinner, okay?"
"Okay."
"Love you, Em. Never forget that."
"I love you too, Daddy," Em says so quietly I can barely hear her.
* * * *
Em has gone to bed by the time I fire up the ponypad and create my own account. If this Princess Celestia A.I. was as advanced as people were saying, we needed to have a talk before she really hurt my daughter. Once I fill everything in, the world of Equestria comes into view, and I'm standing in the middle of a field. The game made me a white pony just like my daughter, but the hair on my pony's head and tail is the same shade of brown as mine. Guess this is what the game thinks I'd look like as a pony.
It isn't more than a few moments before Princess Celestia walks up to me. Good. Just the crazy A.I. I wanted to see.
"Hello, Snow Drift," she says, giving me a serene smile. "Welcome to Equestria."
"Yeah, yeah." Sheesh. "I'm not here to play some silly game. I'm here to talk to you about my daughter."
Celestia's smile widens. "Ah, yes, Winter Sky. She is a delight. You should be very proud of the young mare she's becoming."
"Her name is Emily Winters, and she's a human, not a pony," I growl. "Look, I don't care that you have her going on adventures with Fluttershy and Rainbow whatever, but saying that you can bring back my wife is just torturing her."
"I am designed to satisfy her values through friendship and ponies," Celestia responds. "She wishes to see her mother again, and that is something that I can do."
"No, it really isn't," I snap. "Your Katie would just be ones and zeroes. My Katie was flesh and blood and liked chocolate chip cookies and walking barefoot on the beach and always loved knitting us ugly sweaters for Christmas!"
A twinkle appears in Celestia's eye that I don't really like. "Good to know."
"No, I..." I groan and run my hand, er, hoof down my face. "You'd just be stringing her along. She'd just be more miserable in the end. It would dull the pain, but it wouldn't fix anything."
Celestia raises an eyebrow and tilts her head. "Like you and your drinking?"
"Hey, I haven't had a drop in three days, thank you very much!" I snarl.
"Not a personal record during your moments where you swear you're quitting, if I understand right."
"I mean it this time, and we're getting off topic. Just... don't make any pony versions of Katie. Emily is just starting to heal, and when she sees that I'm done drinking for good, I can help her work through things like I should have from the beginning."
"Hm." Celestia tilts her head in thought. "And I assume that means taking away her ponypad, the one thing that's gotten her to really open up lately."
"You're just a video game. I mean it. Don't make a version of Katie for her. Just let her learn about animals with Fluttershy and whatever. Keep it at that. I don't want her to become emotionally dependent on this because she thinks it'll bring her mother back."
"Would it be so bad, though, especially if you two came to Equestria?" Celestia asks. "I assure you that I could create a perfect representation of your wife."
My eyes narrow. "No. You couldn't."
The barest hint of a smirk appears on her face that I don’t quite care for. "Oh? I suppose we'll just have to see."
Celestia steps aside, revealing another pony behind her. She has a white coat like Em and I, and I'd recognize that strawberry blonde hair anywhere. My stomach twists into knots, and my eyes widen as the pony gives me the smile I've been longing to see.
"Hey, troublemaker. Miss me?"
Everything is right. The smile, her eyes, the voice, that little birthmark on her forehead. It's the closest thing to Katie I've seen since she died.
Before her or Celestia can say anything else, I shut the ponypad off and run up to my room.
* * * *
The door to the bar opens up, and Tyler walks in, giving me an apologetic look. "Sorry, Jack. Got held up by a lecture from the boss."
"Yeah, yeah," I respond with a roll of my eyes. "You're here now, and that's what matters."
"For sure." Tyler sits at the stool next to me. "Race to get drunk? I'll pay for the cab."
"No, gotta be level-headed for once. I'm cutting back."
"Wow, good for you," Tyler says. "Probably for the best with the kid and all that."
"Agreed."
"Hey, Tony, two beers, please! My tab," Tyler says, motioning to the bartender. He nods at Tyler and pulls two bottles out, taking their caps off and putting them on napkins in front of us. "Thank you, Tony." Tyler raises his bottle. "Cheers."
I stare at my bottle for a second. On one hand, I make a promise to Em. No more drinking. On the other, Tyler bought me a beer, and he was drinking. It'd be a bit rude to just ignore that. One beer wouldn't kill me, then I'd explain that I was quitting completely before he bought me another one by mistake. It's just one beer with a buddy after a long week. I give him a weak smile, then clink my bottle against his. Maybe don't even drink the whole thing. Half would be fine.
Besides, after everything with that ponypad, I could use a little to take the edge off. I’m reminded of the sight of pony Katie every time I see the stupid thing. I take a sip, and some of the pressure on my shoulders fades away. Okay, this is nice.
"So, how is the little one?" Tyler asks.
"It's still hard for her," I admit. "Sometimes I'm not sure she's really wrapped her head around it. Sometimes I wonder if I have myself."
Tyler gives me a sympathetic look. "Yeah, can't imagine. She still dragging that pony everywhere?"
"Fluttershy? Yeah. If it helps then it helps. Although, speaking of that, I got her something a few days back that's a big hit with her, and seems to be helping her a bit." Especially since I haven't heard any more talk of the game making Katie for her. "It's called a ponypad, and it's how you play this game called Equestria Online. Same company that makes The Fall of Asgard, if you can believe it."
To my surprise, Tyler gives me a funny look. He doesn't say anything for a moment, choosing instead to take a long swig from his beer.
"What's your problem?" I ask.
"I've heard of that game," Tyler says. "In fact, it's starting to become... something else."
"What do you mean?"
"You remember Ian from accounting?"
"Yeah, quit a few weeks ago looking for something better, not like we haven't all thought about it. Why do you ask?"
"Because he didn't quit to go look for another job."
I frown at him and take another swig of beer before responding. "Okay, you're losing me here. What happened?"
"He started playing that pony game," Tyler continues. "Got obsessed with it. Woke up, played it a bit before work, then when he went home he played it until two in the morning when he had to go to bed. Least that's what he was telling me a few days before he quit. Got started after his wife left him."
"So he quit because he was obsessed with some pony game?" I snort and shake my head. "Wow. You'd think he'd be happy about his wife leaving him. She was a bit of a shrew. Kind of pathetic, don't you think?"
"Sort of, yeah, but that's not the crazy part." Tyler leans back against the counter. "It started out with some company in Japan. Newer, I think, though I could be wrong. For fifteen grand, they'd download you into the game."
My beer is halfway back to my mouth as what he said registers with me. "So when you say 'download'..."
"Drill a hole in your brain and put a bunch of wires on you, or in you, or something like that. Just going by what I read off of the internet here. Don't know what they do with the bodies once they're done--Soylent Green, maybe--but everything I've seen is that it works. Your consciousness gets put into this pony game forever."
"That's kind of messed up," I say before draining the rest of my beer.
"Yeah, no argument from me on that for sure. On the other hand..." Tyler grimaced. "They tested it out on cancer patients and people like that. They were going to die anyway, so might as well give it one last Hail Mary chance for survival. At first it worked, like, one time in fifty, but I guess they've got it to a point where it's almost one hundred percent survival rate, though, again, I'm just going off of what I read on the internet. All the articles have pretty consistent information, so it looks legit. I think I heard that they're even opening up centers for people just to come in and download themselves."
"Heard that on the news, too.” I click my tongue. “What a world we live in." The ball of pressure returns, and I motion for Tony to get me another beer. "Kind of makes me wish that we'd had that technology back when Katie... you know." At least I'd know it was really her and not some code that Celestia made up.
"Yeah, that would have been great for sure," Tyler says. "It would have been weird for Emily and you to talk to Katie through a screen with Katie being a pony to boot, but--"
"She would be alive. I'd have no problem with her being a pony if it meant that she could actually see Em grow up."
"Of course... you do kind of have to wonder how long it would be before you two, or at least Emily, wanted to be downloaded into the game with Katie. That..."
I chew that over as I nurse my beer. If everything was true and you could get downloaded into the game, it wouldn't take much for Celestia to push Em over the edge to the point where she'd think about nothing else but finding a way to get into the game. I barely avoided a disaster as it was, but I'd definitely need to keep a close eye on things.
I finally shake my head. "No, it sounds great on paper, but it'd be healthier to just move on. I know that... I haven't been doing a good job about that." I sigh and take another sip of beer. "But we'll move on. Never forget her, of course, but... move on." Tyler opens his mouth to talk, but I cut him off. "Enough about that. Let's see if I'm as good at darts sober as I am drunk.”
* * * *
It's pouring rain by the time I leave the bar. I'd managed to stop myself after the two beers, so I was okay to drive. The rain would be a bigger issue than me being a touch tipsy at any rate. I run to the car and fire up the heater to dry myself off a little bit. The clock reads eight forty-five. It'll be close, but I can probably still keep my promise about picking Em up at nine. Heck, if I'm a few minutes late, I can just blame the weather.
Sure enough, I get to the Henson residence at three past nine. Still well within a reasonable time frame. The walk up to their door isn't any more fun than the run to my car from the bar. I ring their doorbell, and Mrs. Henson opens the door almost instantly.
"Hm. You're not half an hour late."
I roll my eyes and almost flip her the bird, but that would have been counterintuitive. "Said nine. Would have been here earlier but, you know, the biblical flood outside."
"I understand. You need an umbrella?"
"That would be great, thank you."
I follow Mrs. Henson into her house where Em is standing in the front room with Ashleigh. Both of them are talking animatedly about something or another. It's nice to see her happy. More playdates would probably do her more good than even an entire day of that game. Em must have heard me come in, because she turns to me and smiles. Best thing I've seen all day.
"Hey, Em, you ready to go?"
"Uh-huh." Em grabs her backpack. "See you at school Monday, Ashleigh?"
"You bet!" The two hug, and Em walks over to me just as Mrs. Henson comes back into the room with an umbrella in hand.
"Thanks. I'll have Em give it to Ashleigh on Monday."
As I take the umbrella, Mrs. Henson's nose wrinkles. "Mr. Winters, have you been drinking again?"
The smile on Em's face evaporates, and she gives me a look of horror. I wave my hand and shake my head." No, no, nothing like that. Just a bit tired, and it's a rough drive out there. See you later."
With that, we leave. I open up the umbrella and hold it over Em as we rush over to our car. She tosses her backpack in before her, then gets in herself.
"You and Fluttershy all buckled in?" I ask, putting the folded umbrella on the seat next to me.
"Yeah."
"Good, and your backpack didn't get wet? Hate to have that permission slip ruined, yeah?" She doesn't respond, but she's probably exhausted.
We're only driving for a few minutes before Em talks again.
"Did you have any?"
Gosh, why did she have to ask that? Lying to her would be bad, but...
"Not a lot. Just some with Mr. Tyler from work."
"But you said you'd stop."
"I know that, and... it's complicated. He bought me some before I could explain the situation to him, and I didn't want to be rude, so--"
"You said you'd stop."
I slap the steering wheel with my palm a bit. "Look, Em... sometimes... sometimes people make mistakes because they're not sure what else to do, and... I'll explain to Mr. Tyler at work so that it doesn't happen again."
"But you said--"
"I know what I said!" I roar, looking back at her. "It was a mistake. Sometimes grownups make mistakes, and it doesn't make them bad people, it just--"
"DADDY!"
I look back to the road and see a pair of headlights coming at me through the heavy rain. I jerk the steering wheel right to avoid it just as we hit a big puddle of water. The car starts spinning as I lose control, and before I can readjust, the car goes off of the road.
Time seems to slow as we roll. Em screams for a moment before it cuts off. My only thoughts are her. When we stop, if we ever stop, I'm getting her out. She'll be fine.
The car stops upside down, and I just sit there for a minute, trying to get the ringing to stop. I'm sure I have bad whiplash, but that's the least important thing right now. I have to make sure that Em is okay. I gingerly unbuckle myself and lower myself onto the roof. The window is broken, which lets me slide out back into the pouring rain.
Let her be okay. Whoever or whatever is listening, let her be okay.
Between the crash and the beers, it takes me a minute to get fully situated, but I already see the headlights of cars stopping to help us. We won't need too much help, though. The doctors or whoever might want to stitch me up, but Em is definitely fine. Definitely. I collapse on the ground and crawl through the mud to her door, throwing it open as soon as my hand reaches the handle.
"Em? Emily? Are you alright?"
Even through the dark I can see that she's not moving. I can barely register the people coming up behind me as I stare at the Fluttershy doll laying limply on the roof.
