Fallout Equestria: Mothership Eta

“Fuck me, what a trip.”

I returned to my own, familiar body as I felt the uplink cable detach itself from my head. I heard Dew grunt close behind me; she must have been released just after I was. “Ow. Anyone get the license plate of that skywagon?” And apparently had a rougher time than I did too.

“All right, we sat through your presentation,” I called out to the glowing blue face before us. “That’s all you needed, right?”

“Your perspective was recorded. The agreement has been fulfilled.”

“...all we needed…”

“...sufficient…”

“...so much data…”

“Good to know. Can we go now?” I asked.

“You may proceed on your journey. However, we ask if there is any other courtesy we may provide before you continue.”

“...it’s only right…”

“...help freely given…”

I was prepared to tell them I’d rather eat my own asshole than spend any more time with them, but Dew spoke before I could get any words out. “Actually, yes. That pink pony I saw towards the end? Is there any way I could see her? In real life?”

“This is acceptable. We will bring the oracle to you momentarily.”

“...the oracle…”

“...our greatest asset…”

I glared in Dew's direction. “Seriously? I’d like to get going, if you don’t mind.”

“It’ll only be a minute, Rusty. Then we can go.”

I tapped my hoof impatiently as I heard machinery start to grind in the distance. Before long, I detected one of the multitude of overhead cables beginning to flex. As it retracted into the central structure, it brought forward yet another stasis pod. It was identical to all the others we had seen, except for its glow: bright pink instead of vivid green.

The pod dropped down right beside us, casting its contrasting light over us. I was able to see small figures drawn on the inside of the glass. They looked like a series of dancing ponies. I noticed Dew’s mouth moving as if she was sounding out a word, before my attention was once again drawn to the oversized human face.

“Your request is fulfilled.”

“...a fair trade…”

“...we can”

KRACKOW! A blinding flash cut across my field of view. Dew had fired a shot at the screen! “Dew? What the fuck are you doing?!” I yelled at her.

“Hold on a second, Rusty. Something’s happening.”

I opened my mouth to continue chewing her out, but I was interrupted by the electronic shrieks coming from where her shot had hit. The blue face disappeared, the screen now covered with static. The noise built rapidly, and I saw indicator lights winking out along the lengths of every cable that extended from the twisted mass before us.

Every cable but one.

The screen resolved into an image, pink this time. It now displayed a pony head with wide eyes and a poofy mane. And emanating from the speakers was the same voice I had first heard in the Tragicians’ observation room, just an hour ago.

“Busty! Crewcrop! You made it!”

“Does somepony want to explain to me what the fuck just happened?”

“Pinkie?” Dew called out. “Do you want to tell him?”

“Oh, no, you can do it! You’ll do so much better than I will! Scrunchy tail, never fails!”

“All right.” Dew turned away from the screen and flashed me a quick smirk. “Sorry for the surprise, Rusty, but I couldn’t let the Analysts know what was happening.”

“Which of course begs the question why you had to hide shit from the Analysts.”

“That’s simple! They weren’t planning on letting you go after you watched their memories! They always want more ponies to plug into their brain-melty thing! Oops! Sorry, Screwy, I’m supposed to let you do the talking!”

“That’s fine, Pinkie, don’t worry about it,” Dew said to the pink figure which, despite having the power to see hundreds of years into the future, apparently couldn’t remember names for shit. “But yeah, they weren’t going to keep their end of the bargain. To them, sharing knowledge is the ultimate gift, and just getting our comments on it wasn’t nearly enough to make them happy. They were planning on absorbing our minds and leaving our bodies to decay, just like they do with every pony they requisition. So, yeah. Had to keep it a secret, or they would have grabbed us right away.”

“Okay. That explains the why, but there’s still the question of how you knew all this.” I was beginning to suspect our friend Pinkie was simply a logic sponge, removing it from her surroundings wherever she went.

“Two parts to that. She explained a little bit to me at the tail end of the Analysts’ memory dump. She was saving a backdoor through their access block for when you and I showed up, and added a message for me. Told me what she had done, what the Analysts were planning, and that I should ask to see her when it was over. The rest of it came when I saw her capsule. She had scratched a note in sema-forehoof on the inside of the glass telling me where to shoot. And so I did!”

“There was a note on the glass? How didn’t I see that?”

“You did, but you didn’t realize it meant anything. And neither did the Analysts. But thanks to my Pega-Scouts merit badge in sema-forehoof signals, I could read it!”

“‘Shoot yellow hole under screen!’ And that’s what you did! Perfect shot! Kablooie! Took them all out! Now I have access to all the systems the Analysts were using!”

Dew nodded in agreement. I felt I had to interject. “Sorry, Dew, but aren’t you the least bit worried about giving a crazy pony who’s been here for Celestia knows how long total control of the computer systems?”

“Don’t worry, Crusty! I haven’t waited two hundred nineteen years, one hundred eighty days, five hours, eleven minutes and twenty… three seconds just to turn on you! I told you, you’re the two most important ponies ever brought to the Eta! I’m going to do my absolutely utmost to make sure you succeed!”

“Sounds promising. Succeed in what, exactly?”

“Well… I’m not exactly sure. My mint-al supply ran out a few years ago and my Pinkie Sense isn’t the same without it. I do know it’s important, though, if that helps!”

“It really doesn’t.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll still watch out for you two, and if there’s any system I can access that’ll help, I’ll use it!”

I felt it was best to add a caveat to her offer. “Just make sure you check with us first before trying to help, okay?” I was definitely worried about what form of ‘help’ a deranged two-century-old pony would give.

“Okie-dokie-lokie! Bye Lusty! Bye Dewmop! Call me anytime!”

The screen faded to black and retracted upwards, revealing a staircase descending into the floor. A glowing sign at the far end stated, in red on a white background, “46.” Our destination.

“Well, Rusty? Ready to meet the Engineers?”

“I am. Let’s go.”

I followed her down the stairs, the screen sliding shut behind me as I crossed the threshold. Each step brought me closer to home, and farther away from the crazy pink pony. Let’s go indeed.