Cancer: Literally Worse Than Death (Probably)
You may be wondering, "What am I reading? Where are the ponies? Why is some random nobody talking about sad depressing hospital related junk?" And to you I say: Be patient. The ponies will come, I promise. But first we must discuss how It came about that I first entered Ponyville. Otherwise you'd be like, "Why is this loser here? What is he doing? When do we get to see ponies?" Again, be patient. All your whining does is prolong the wait until you get to read about the ponies. And please, don't be so mean. I mean seriously, there is no need for name calling before you even finish the first paragraph. If you really don't want to wait for more than five seconds for ponies, then just pull up pretty much any site on the internet. You will find ponies, I promise.
Anyways, who am I? What is so significant about me that I had to write a whole introduction telling about me and not tiny Technicolor horses? Well, everything, really. You see, whenever I go to sleep, I wake up in Ponyville. No, really, I'm not messing around. I honestly got there every time I go to sleep. But before I can explain how I go there, I have to go back a little further.
"WHAT!?! HOW LONG CAN THIS TAKE!?!"
Oh hush! Who's telling this story anyway? If you don't like it, go write your own. Gosh.
It all started in December of 2011. I had had major leg pain for a few months now, and it was really making everyday tasks almost impossible. My family thought I had just pulled a muscle, and thought nothing of it. But on December 29, we went to go get it checked out, because it was just not getting better. They took my blood pressure, got my height, weight, nothing out of the ordinary. And then they took an x-ray of my leg, just to see if there was anything wrong with it. So I waited with my mom to get the results from the x-ray back. We didn't expect much, a pulled muscle or cracked bone at most. Boy were we mistaken.The Doctor came in and said, "Okay, I'm just gonna be straight up with you. The x-ray showed what appeared to be a tumor. Best case scenario, it's a bone infection. I'm sorry." Needless to say, I was speechless. On my way into that building, I thought I might just need to have a cast at most. Leaving, I didn't even know if I'd even stay alive.
Long story short, I had cancer. I went through all the ordinary stuff: MRI, CT scan, PET scan, you name it. We finally got the results back. It was osteosarcoma, a type of bone cancer that usually had a 60% to 80% chance of survival. So after about a month of going to nonstop doctor appointments everyday, it was finally time. Time to start chemo.
People ask me quite often, "What's it like to have chemo? What does it feel like? Is it as bad as it sounds?"
So I describe it as best as I can: Imagine getting the flu. Picture that, and then imagine a monkey taking a dump in your face and forcing you to eat it while you are being stomped on by a bull while constantly having poison shot up into you and having an endless supply of vomit that somehow comes up even if all you eat is one single cracker, and multiply that by ten. What you get is not even CLOSE to how bad chemo is.
So that had been going on for a couple of months, and I finally had a couple weeks off at home. After about three days straight of sleeping, I pulled up netflix and looked in the suggested top ten category, and the first thing that popped up was My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I had heard about it on the internet, and was kinda curious about it, but not enough to actually watch it, because that would be madness, right? Well, seeing as I was to tired to watch something that involved to much thinking, and my brothers were getting on my nerves and I just wanted some quiet, I decided to give it a try. I mean really, how bad could it be?
THAT. WAS. AWESOME!!! I mean, at first I wasn't sure. It was definitely easy to make fun of. I mean, come on, Twilight Sparkle? As in, the sparkly vampires from the movie Twilight? Really? But I gave it a chance. It was about the time when I first saw Pinkie Pie that I was convinced that this would at least be funny. And after watching the first three episodes, I was instantly hooked! That was all I watched for days. I guess you could even say that it made my life... wait for it... 20% Cooler!!! I know, I know, really overused pun, but who cares. I have cancer. Deal with it.
So after my brief "Vacation" from Hell (excuse me, the cancer clinic. Sometimes its hard to tell the two apart), It was time to go back. It's amazing how a couple of weeks in your own bed can make such a difference. Immediately, I was wishing I was back at home. The smells were bad, the food was literally worse than my vomit, and every four hours I was woken up to get my blood pressure, heart rate, and to check my temp. As much as they want you to rest, they sure don't let you have any.
Well, this is when things turned around. I can't really explain what happened, so I'll have to do my best. They gave me a new chemo drug. It was a new drug that had just been approved for testing. Great. I get to be the guinea pig for this new drug that I don't even know if it will work or not. It was called Raridalilghtershappiepie. I called it C.R.A.P. for short. At first I felt no different than before. I was tired, nauseated, would've rather been dead than had to hear that unbelievably annoying noise of the machine pumping poison into me mess up for the thirty-thousandth time that day, and just all around felt like poop. Eventually I was able to go to sleep
Then I woke up. But I wasn't in the hospital anymore. I was lying on my back in a tree. My head hurt really bad, like I had landed on it. Before I knew what was happening, I was floating around the room. My head finally stopped hurting long enough for me to see what was the cause of me being airborne. There, right in front of me, was a small, purple unicorn. That's when I realized. I wasn't in the hospital anymore. I was in Equestria.
What the heck Is going on here? I looked down at the small purple unicorn that was standing in front of me. She had a look on her face that portrayed both fear and amazement. Finally, she spoke. "Um, excuse me. I'm not sure if you can understand me or not, but my name is Twilight Sparkle. I live here in Ponyville studying the magic of friendship for my teacher Princess Celestia, the ruler of Equestria. I was working on a spell that was supposed to... well... I'll get to that later. Basically, the Princess wanted me to summon you for something related to the Elements of Harmony, which are the... on second thought, now might not be the best time to go into that. Well..."
She stopped ranting long enough to see that I was staring at her in shear amazement. Oh. My. Gosh. I'm in the same room as Twilight Sparkle! She could tell that I was extremely excited about something, and cautiously proceeded towards me. "Um... I know you just got here, and I hate to sound rude, but who are you, exactly?" It occurred to me that all this time I hadn't said anything at all to the unicorn standing right in front of me. I guess the overall shock of having a magical lavender pony speaking to me had left me speechless. "Oh, I'm, um..." Come on, you bozo. Think! After about ten seconds of me stupidly staring straight at the mare in front of me, I was finally able to spit out my name. "Harrison. Me... Harrison." Me Harrison? Come on! Now she'll think I'm a total idiot! She looked at me a few more seconds, before turning to the staircase leading up to her bedroom. "Okay girls. I think it's safe to come down now."
I looked up, and saw five other ponies cautiously walking down the stairs. The first was an orange earth pony. She had on a cowgirl hat and had her blonde mane in a pony tale. Seriously, a pony with a pony tale. How ironic. She also had three apples on her flank, known as her cutie mark. She didn't really look scared, but you could tell that she was uneasy about the whole situation.
Following her was a white unicorn with a well kept purple mane. She was quite charming and had three blue diamonds for her cutie mark. You could tell she was the more well kept of the group, as she carefully trotted down the stairs glancing at my not so well kept body. Well excuse me if it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world to stay clean in the hospital.
The third to come down was a bright pink earth pony totally filled with energy. She had a puffy pink mane and balloons for her cutie mark. You could tell by her energy level that she loved to laugh and LOVED to party. While the others simply walked down the stairs, this pony somehow managed to hop down like they weren't even there.
The second to last pony to come down was an adorable, timid yellow pegasus. She had bright pink hair and had pink butterflies for her cutie mark. As adorable as she was (and she was ADORABLE), she looked over-struck with fear and and looked like she was on the verge of tears. Oh great. Less than five minutes here and I make Fluttershy cry. I'm sure that breaks some kind of brony law.
The final pony to come down was a cyan pegasus with a bright rainbow mane. Her cutie mark was a lightning bolt, and it was well deserved. Instead of walking down like the others, she zoomed down the stairs like they weren't even there. She was impressive, and was the only one from the group that I can honestly say didn't appear to have even a hint of fear from my presence.
They all cautiously gathered around me one by one, as Twilight Sparkle slowly stepped forward, taking care not to get too close to me. Finally she spoke. "Girls, this is Harrison. He's the one Princess Celestia told us about." She looked at me. "I believe some introductions are in order. These are my friends, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Flu..."
"Fluttershy!" I couldn't hold my excitement in any longer. I was sitting right in front of Fluttershy! I reached forward too try and hug her, but she immediately screamed and turned to run. Rainbow Dash swooped in between us and looked ready to fight.
"What's the big idea?" she yelled. "And how do you know her name?"
"I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed. "I wasn't trying to hurt her, I promise! It's just..."
"Just what? You just scream out her name, reach out to do who knows what to her, and expect us to just stand by and watch like nothing happened!?!"
"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight yelled. "The Princess wanted us to get him for a reason! So would you PLEASE calm down and stop crowding him?"
Rainbow Dash made one final glare at me before slowly walking away. What have I done? I just got here and everyone's already either angry or scared of me? What else could possibly go wrong?
I had to ask. At that very moment, the door opened, and Spike, the baby purple dragon, walked in. He looked at me for maybe three seconds before screaming and yelling for everyone to get out. "Monster! Twilight, get everypony out of here! Write a letter to the princess! Do something!"
At this point it was total chaos. Everypony was panicking, yelling at each other, and running around the library looking for anywhere to hide. Twilight sighed. Things were not going at all as she planed. She cleared her throat, and yelled, "QUIET!!!" Everyone was silent. "Now, we are going to get nowhere if we all don't just take a deep breath and calm down. Sure, he may be huge and not look like us, but what has he done?"
"He scared Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash yelled.
"I didn't mean to! I'm really sorry!" I exclaimed.
"Oh yea? Then why did you try to grab her?"
Twilight interrupted. "Rainbow, he said he was sorry. And to be fair, Fluttershy's not exactly the bravest pony in Ponyville... no offense, Fluttershy." Fluttershy squeaked from the desk she was hiding under. She turned to me. "However, I do have one question. How did you know her name? None of us had mentioned it yet, and you had just woken up."
I sighed. What was I thinking? Of course now I'd have to tell them of how I knew about them. Of how they were just a television show, and how I knew basically everything about them. And how was I going to convince them that I wasn't either lying or crazy? And would they be scared of me, seeing as I basically knew everything about them. I sighed. There wasn't going to be an easy way out of this. So I took a deep breath, and explained basically everything to them there was to explain:
I told them that where I was from, they were characters in a cartoon called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. (I left out the part of its target audience being little girls. I was given a rough enough time on earth for liking it as it was.) After a brief explanation of what a television was, I explained how I knew pretty much everything they'd been through in Ponyville, from the return of Nightmare Moon, to the return of Discord, and finally how they fought off the changelings at Princess Cadence's and Shining Armor's wedding.
I told them I knew of the time that Trixie had bragged about defeating an ursa major, but how she couldn't even scare off an ursa minor, and how Twilight had saved the day. Twilight blushed slightly at this. I went on to tell of the time that Rainbow Dash had gotten to caught up with the fame of being the town hero, that her friends had to pretend to be the Mysterious Mare Do Well, and how she ended up making a fool of herself in front of the whole town. They all slightly giggled, except for Rainbow Dash. But after I mentioned how she was still 20% cooler than any other super heroes, real or fake, she instantly lightened up. She even laughed a little herself.
I finally told of how when the giant dragon had gone to sleep in the cave near Ponyville and covered their town in smoke, that it was non other than Fluttershy who saved the day, and that even though she was scared of dragons more than anything else, her love for her friends gave her the courage to stand up to that dragon and made him leave town, never to mess with them again. After hearing this, Fluttershy smiled. She still looked scared, but had slowly made her way out from under the desk she had been hiding under from up to this point. They all seemed like they had started to loosen up, but weren't quite ready to accept me yet. I didn't expect them to by this point, but it was still nice to see that they weren't totally freaked out by me anymore.
After I was done, there was a brief silence. Finally, Applejack spoke up:
"So... what you're sayin' is that from where you come from, we're just imaginary? Doesn't really make any since to me."
"Maybe he just imagined it all when he slept. Could that be a possibility?" asked Rarity.
"No way! That was WAY to spot on to be imaginary," Rainbow Dash pointed out.
"Oooo! I just LOVE mysteries! They just make me wanna PARTY!!!" Exclaimed Pinkie Pie.
"Darling, this simply isn't the time or place for a party."
"Awww! But I just thought..."
"QUIET!!!" Twilight exclaimed. Everyone fell silent. She trotted over to one of her bookshelves. After examining the shelf for a moment, she found what she was looking for. She used her magic to pull down a book entitled Inter-dimensional Studies: An Egghead's Guide to Inter-dimensional Beings and Their Relationship With Us. She opened the book up and skimmed over it for about a minute, before exclaiming that she had found what she had wanted. She began to read:
"Our planet is just a small speck in our universe. As small as this is, it doesn't even compare to how small our universe really is in the grand scheme of things. Our universe is in its own separate dimension. Each dimension, being totally unique and independent, are part of the megaverse, which everything in existence is apart of. Although each dimension is totally separate from each other, sometimes certain types of gateways might open up from one dimension to another. In this case, dimension A might see what is happening in dimension B without dimension B even being aware of any changes."
Twilight Sparkle closed the book and said, "I think this is what happened to you. This 'Television' as you call it, seems to be a mirror into other dimensions."
"Haha, and my mom said that tv was a waist of my time! If only she could see me now."
Applejack cut in. "Okay, I'll buy that he could see us through some inter-dimensional mumbo jumbo. But why were we supposed to pick him? Why not anypony else?"
Twilight answered, "I'm not sure. All I know is that the Princess made it very clear that he was the one to retrieve. But..." She looked at me. "Before we can do anything else, I need to know some basic information about you. Like for instance, why do you look so... how do I word this correctly..."
"Sick," Rainbow Dash cut in. "She wants to know why you look so sick."
"Rainbow!" exclaimed Applejack. "Can't yall be anymore considerate?"
"What? Just look at him! It looks like he hasn't been outside in weeks!"
"She does have a point, darling," stated Rarity. "The poor thing looks like he hasn't slept in days."
"Or Partied!" Exclaimed Pinkie Pie. "I can't even IMAGINE not being able to Party!"
"Regardless..." cut in Twilight Sparkle, "there is a reason he's in his current condition." She looked at me. "Harrison, I really don't mean to get into your personal space, but I really need to know what's wrong with you. Otherwise our mission will be pointless."
I sighed. I knew this was unavoidable. So I began to tell the same story I've told about a million times by now. I told how my right leg had been hurting for months. How when I went to the doctors office, I was diagnosed with cancer. How that I apparently had a huge hole in my femur that would snap in two if I kept walking on it. And how for the past few months, I had been taking chemotherapy, a drug that was slowly but surely sucking the very life out of me. And how the last thing I remembered was being given a new drug, falling asleep, and waking up here.
Everypony looked shocked. None of them knew what to say. Then, slowly, Fluttershy walked towards me. She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears. She grabbed me and gave me the biggest, kindest, most sweetest hug I'd had in a long time. My heart melted. There I was, a guy with a life threatening disease, who mere hours ago hated even the thought of having to interact with anyone whatsoever, was now trying to comfort an adorable yellow pegasus who not long ago was scared to even look at me.
Soon Pinkie Pie started crying to. She ran over to me and gave me a huge pony hug, saying how I was amazingly super awesomely awesome and how she couldn't wait for me to get better so she could throw me a party, but not until I got better, but that when I did it would be so totally epic.
"My, I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like. You sure are tough, partner," Applejack said. She looked like she really meant it, but wouldn't really make eye contact. Even in Ponyville, people just won't look a sick person in the eye. But what do you expect? A weird giant from another dimension suddenly appears and knows everything about you and then tells you all he's been through. You'd be nervous too.
After a few minutes of telling me how much of a fighter I was and how they each wanted me to get better, Spike let out a large burp. Out of his mouth popped a letter to Twilight from Princess Celestia herself. "A letter from the Princess!" exclaimed Twilight. "Read it to us, Spike!"
"Sorry Twi, but the letter said that it should only be read by you."
Puzzled, Twilight grabbed the letter and read it to herself. When she was done reading, she spoke to all of us.
"It appears that I must go see the Princess right away. I'm sorry Harrison, but in the condition you're in, I can't leave you hear alone. But apparently Zecora, a zebra who lives... oh yea, you already know about her... well, she is working on making you a cure for your cancer that should kick in by tomorrow."
"A cure!?! You mean I'm going to be cured? This is all to good to be true!" After I calmed down a little bit, Twilight continued.
"Seeing as you can't stay here, and Zecora lives in the Everfree Forest, you should probably stay with Fluttershy, at least for tonight. Is that ok, Fluttershy?"
"Oh... well, of course. He can stay as long as he needs. But how are we going to get him there?"
"Already taken care of," Twilight proudly declared. She pointed out the window. Outside her house was a royal chariot pulled by Princess Celestia's own personal guards. After saying goodbye to everypony, me and Fluttershy got on the chariot and flew to Fluttershy's cottage.
There, Zecora was already waiting for us. She gave me an herbal soup that she had made, and said, "It is very important you go to bed, unless you want to end up dead. So, naturally, I got onto Fluttershy's couch and closed my eyes. And it was a good thing too, because I was exhausted. Before I went to sleep, Fluttershy leaned down beside me, and whispered, "I hope you get better soon. You really are brave to go through all of this." She gave me one last hug, and I was out.
BEEP!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!!!
"Harrison, get up! It's time to take your blood pressure!"
Darn. It was only a dream. I realized that I had dreamed the whole thing. Ponyville, possibly getting better, and Fluttershy making me actually feel truly happy. So I let them take all there pointless vital signs, tried to eat again, and threw up more than I had all week. Great, this just keeps getting better and better.
After I had taken all that I could handle, I was FINALLY able to drift back to sleep.
"Umm... Harrison? It's morning now. I made you breakfast, that is, if you want it."
Slowly, I forced my eyes open, and sitting right in front of me, was Fluttershy.
