Just Another Normal Day in the Crystal Empire
Persistent ringing pierced into Cadance’s brain. Mercilessly, the noise shattered what tendrils of sleep still embraced her. She groaned, rolling over in the plush sheets of her and Shining's bed in the Crystal Palace. The piercing cry of whatever the heck it was that disturbed her continued to punch into her brain. She growled.
She twisted and thrashed about a bit more, catching some of the silken bedding on her hind hoof. She slowly wriggled closer and closer to the edge of the bed. The clanging continued to pound in her temples, and she squeezed her eyes tighter.
With a yelp, she tumbled over the side of the mattress, dragging the blankets with her and collapsing to the floor in a heap. She instantly shot up.
Her mind was no longer as clouded, and she glanced around the room once. Her vision was still obstructed. She whimpered for a moment. I've gone blind! Cadance scrambled to her hooves before tripping again.
After falling face-first into the crystal floor, she felt herself grow hot. It was just the blanket covering her face.
She flung it off hastily and sat on her haunches. Pressing her ears against her skull, she grumbled under her breath and cracked her neck. Once she got a pop, she inched her gaze to the object of her consternation.
The alarm clock was ringing. Both of the little pegasi on opposite ends of the bell were hammering it with tiny sledgehammers. While they were supposed to look cute, Cadance swore both of them wore demonic grins on their miniature faces.
She sighed. Furrowing her brow, she smacked the top of the clock with a hoof and exhaled when the insistent ringing stopped.
She glanced at the clock face. It was already nine in the morning. She blinked. Nine? That was early. What did she have on the go today?
Softly, she whined as she saw that the other end of her bed was empty. Pouting her lips, she whimpered to herself, And I was hoping to have some of our morning fun in bed.
Her haunches jittered. She groaned and lowered her head before slowly slinking toward the window at the far end of the chamber. As she made her way, she snatched her morning regalia and slipped them on.
The little bunny-shaped jewels along the rim of the golden shoe glittered back at her.
Wrapping a robe around her torso, she smirked as she approached the window. Outside, the sun was already well into the sky. Celestia had probably gotten up well before the scheduled dawn. Given that it was summer—or what passed for it in the Crystal Empire—that meant she was awake before five in the morning.
Sticking out her tongue, Cadance held back a faint wretch. That was far too early for any civilized activities to be going on. Heck, even her being awake now was a bit much.
The sunlight bore down on the Crystal City, the shimmering capital of the Crystal Empire. It was a very original name. Granted, she suggested changing it to Loveopolis and the Empire of Love when she got in charge, but it never took off. It left the impression it was a whorehouse.
Whatever the case, Cadance rolled her shoulders and got a couple more cracks from her stiff joints. As always, the crystal ponies below were trotting around like ants. From this height, they appeared as tiny glints of light, their brilliant coats easily reflecting the sunlight.
With little care, they trounced around, darting between shops and mingling in the streets to chat. An almost invisible wave of affection radiated from the shining streets below. It pulsed upwards, eventually absorbing into Cadance.
She moaned contentedly. While she couldn't sustain herself off love like a changeling, she definitely could feel it.
It was remarkable, really, given how quickly the city had recovered from the freak snowstorm. Only a couple of weeks prior, the entire land had been covered in blankets of white powder, exceeding the height of even the statue of Spike!
Once the Crystal Heart was repaired, thanks primarily to the quick thinking of Sunburst, the work began in clearing away the snow and fixing what was broken.
While the snow looked harmless enough, there was a lot of damage regardless. From smashed up houses to crumpled carts, the insurance claims were endless. At least she didn't have to personally pay for all of it. It came out of the city's taxes anyway.
With a chuckle, she pictured Starlight waving goodbye to Sunburst as he held onto Flurry Heart. As he was the new crystaller—which was basically a glorified foalsitter—he stayed in the Empire while she had to depart.
Although it was faint, Cadance caught a small spark of lust go through Starlight's eyes as she departed. Starlight had blushed when a gust of wind ripped through Sunburst's cloak and revealed his flank, although Cadance could tell that she didn't want to look away.
Suddenly, there was a clatter and a blast, and she heard a pony scream as she turned toward her bedroom door. Her reverie broken, she huffed and trotted heavily toward it.
A few more beams of magic resounded, and there was another crash as a clearly masculine voice screamed like a filly. "I-I don't think I'm getting paid enough for this!" the pony cried.
Cadance sighed. Flurry Heart was awake.
As she grabbed her crown, she groaned when a beam of gold magic shattered the door. Small wisps of smoke radiated through it, and she heard the stallion cry again, "This, this I didn't s-sign up for!" There was another bang, and a loud whine from Flurry, and then another shot of magic pierced the other end of the doorframe.
Both doors collapsed inward, and Cadance groaned. With a single shake, she put on a forced smile and trotted forward. Tucked in a corner, near the entrance, was her trusty AKM, Tempest Heart. Snatching it by the hoofguard, she gave it a soft kiss before she cantered into the halls.
Surprisingly, they were not on fire yet, and she giggled to herself. Now she remembered why she got up early today. This was going to be exciting.
She pranced forward gleefully, ignoring Sunburst as he galloped by. His mane was singed, and his cloak was mostly incinerated. Also, his glasses were bent. All in all, an adorable dork.
For a second, Cadance was tempted to teleport Starlight there and tell her to have at it, but she shook her head. Starlight would have to do it herself. It was that much more satisfying.
As Flurry cried again, Cadance beamed and tittered. "Coming, my little darling! Mommy's going to get you some breakfast!" With that, she skipped down the hallway, her rifle dangling lightly against her torso.
***
With a shake, Cadance clip-clopped—Flurry Heart and Tempest held lightly in her magic—into the small kitchen in one of the legs of the castle and sighed. The smell of coffee filled her nostrils and instantly sent a small jolt of energy through her head.
Tail swishing, she cantered the last few feet toward the pony sitting at the end of the small table, and she giggled. Before he could react, she pulled down the newspaper that he was holding in his hooves and pecked him on the nose.
"Good morning, soldier boy," she chuckled, giving a slight, playful growl as Shining Armor lowered the paper and gazed back at her.
For a second, he wiggled his muzzle before he shot her a warm grin and replied, "Hey, Cadey." With a whinny, he shot up from his chair and quickly grabbed her around the barrel. He pulled her into an embrace and tenderly nuzzled her neck. Biting at her ear, he added, "Good morning my little ball of death!"
"Pffft!" Flurry spat back. She wriggled her hooves and smiled at him. Blinking, she sneezed softly. Her horn sputtered, and a few sparks dropped onto the table.
Instantly, the crystal tabletop caught fire, and Shining sighed. In a flash, he teleported in a cup of water and poured it over the counter. It sizzled and fizzled out.
Cadance powered her horn and dried up the spill. Clicking her tongue, she waggled a hoof at Flurry, who just batted at it with her own.
Seeing an opening, Cadance sneered as she dove her shoed hoof between Flurry's and gave her a tickle. With a squeal, the filly wiggled and splayed her wings out, whacking Cadance in the face.
Cadance spat a few feathers out and pulled back her foreleg with a huff. Flurry managed to twist around in her grip and started straining to touch the barrel of Tempest behind her.
Whining, Flurry glanced back at Cadance before reaching again for the gun. She whimpered softly when Cadance moved it further away. Some tears began to well up in her eyes.
With a few sniffles, she screeched and ignited her magic, dragging the butt of the rifle toward herself.
Quietly huffing, Cadance rolled her eyes and glanced at Shining. She quickly teleported Tempest to the other side of the room. Flurry whined plaintively. She crossed her forearms and blew a raspberry at Cadance. Cadance winced and flicked away the spit.
A wry chortle escaped Shining's throat, and he sat back down at the head of the table. Taking a sip of coffee, he straightened out the newspaper. Its headline read: Sombra Back from the Dead? Reports of Dark Figure Lurking in Crystal City!
Cadance shook her head and mumbled to herself, “Just a bunch of hearsay.”
In the article, which she quickly skimmed as she sat Flurry down in her seat, the reporter interviewed a few ponies on the street. They weren’t passing it off as opinion. No, they claimed it was fact. All they had was one pony droning on about seeing Sombra return.
About the only thing of interest was the lack of censorship. One of the ponies asked, a Mr. Some Bro, explained his experience. "'I'm informing you, he was very real. And very handsome. Strikingly so. Mares were falling for him left and right!'
Mr. Bro shuddered, and asked that we refrain from sharing his next experience. All he would tell us in the end was that 'He said he was back, bitches.'" The article went on to prattle a bit more, but barely managed to come to a point.
After making sure Flurry was fastened, and that a quick dampening spell was cast around her horn, Cadance trotted to the fridge behind Shining and cracked it open. Pulling out some fruit, hay, and butter, she went about making breakfast.
Soon enough, the kitchen was filled with aromas of savory hayfries and fresh-cut strawberries and peaches. Shining sniffed once and moaned happily. With a chuckle, he stated, "Smells great, honey. Almost makes me regret grabbing haybacon this morning."
Cadance chortled back. "Well, there's always tomorrow. If you just stayed in bed, we could have had our meal together..." She wiggled her rump and cooed softly at him, but he just shrugged and went back to his paper.
Snorting, Cadance furrowed her brow and continued making breakfast. After a couple of minutes, she plopped the hayfries into a bowl with the fruit and trotted over next to Flurry. Flurry eyed the concoction with worry.
As Cadance’s stomach grumbled, she powered her horn and pulled out a small bottle of puréed fruit and cracked it open. Instantly, Flurry stopped whining about the other food, and her eyes went wide as she drooled at the sight.
Cadance plopped a spoon into it and then jammed the utensil into Flurry's mouth. Flurry gagged before swallowing.
"That... doesn't look as appetizing now, Cadance," Shining muttered as he glanced over his newspaper.
Cadance sighed and rolled her eyes. "Hey, when you have to squeeze that—" she jabbed a hoof at Flurry "—out your backside, you can complain about my food choices." She munched on a hayfry before popping in a peach slice.
Before Shining could respond, Cadance fluttered her eyelashes and asked, "Oh, by the way, can I borrow Love and Peace for the morning?"
"Sure, honey." Shining chuckled, teleporting in two gold-plated Desert Eagles and placing them on the table. He checked their safeties once before sliding them over to Cadance. "Just be sure to treat them gently."
"It won't be me, it'll be Flurry," Cadance answered, her voice cracking a bit in excitement.
"Oh, that's nice," he replied, going back to reading his newspaper.
Flurry whimpered and stretched toward one of the pistols. On its side was the inscription “Love”. Its barrel glittered faintly in the morning light, and Flurry strained harder to grab it. Faintly, a greedy glimmer shone in her eyes, and she beat her hooves against the table as it remained out of reach.
With a sputter, she fought back as Cadance jammed another spoonful of mushy foal food into her mouth. As she couldn't get free, she just whined instead and leaned toward Love.
Lightly snickering, Cadance cooed, "Okay, my little blizzard, you can play with Daddy's guns." She floated Love over and let Flurry hold onto it.
With a happy cry, Flurry started spinning it as best she could in her grip, finally letting the barrel point directly toward her muzzle. Gasping, her pupils dilated as she stared down the dark, metallic bore of the gun. A large caliber round faintly shimmered inside as the sunlight exposed it.
Her eyes sparkling, Flurry opened her mouth and stuck the barrel inside. "Ahm nom nom nom," she mumbled, drool sliding down the length of the gun. Her hooves twitched around the safety, and a soft click flicked through the kitchen.
Pulling down his paper, Shining finally snorted and stared at her, his muzzle scrunched and an eyebrow arched. "Uh, honey, did you say that Flurry, our six-month old daughter, will be using my guns?"
"Yep!" Cadance chirped and nodded. Her mane bobbed slightly with the motion. At Shining's confused glance, she batted her eyelashes at him and bit her lip. "Don't worry, I'll make it up to you tonight." She bounced her eyebrows up and down suggestively.
A second passed. Shining continued to gaze at Cadance, and she emphasized her point more by raising her rump in the air and giving a low growl.
Finally, he smiled and declared, "Okay! Sounds good to me!" As he turned the page on the newspaper and continued his reading, he added, "Hope Flurry has fun!"
"Oh, I'm sure she—Flurry!" Cadance screeched, diving toward the filly and yanking Love out of her grip. When she did, Flurry whimpered softly and tears started to stream down her face. A dribble of foal food worked its way down her muzzle as she bawled.
Furrowing her brow, Cadance scolded, "You almost gave me a heart attack!" She clicked her tongue and glanced around. A glowing splotch of mushed fruit oozed on the table. Thankfully, she had reacted before Flurry spilt more on the surface.
She tsked and waggled a hoof. “Think of how much work the maids would have if that splattered everywhere!”
Flurry continued to cry, and she cringed away from Cadance.
With a small smile, Cadance tutted and gently placed a hoof on Flurry's muzzle. "Hush, little avalanche."
Flurry giggled and spluttered, gumming on Cadance's hoof.
Grinning, Cadance pulled her out of her seat and snatched the two pistols plus her rifle. She shuddered and knocked off her robe, and hastily teleported in her normal regalia. She glanced at Flurry. "Let's go to the range, shall we? It's time you learned how to defend yourself!"
With that, Flurry babbled and rocked back and forth, and Cadance charged her horn. They were gone in a flash, sending a few specks of dust flying around the room.
Sipping on his coffee, Shining called out, "Don't shoot your eye out!"
***
With a pop, Cadance and Flurry materialized outside the nearest gun range in the Crystal Empire. After the news of Twilight's successful handling of Tirek with her own firearm, ranges became a hot item. Their popularity practically shot through the roof.
Outside, ponies were mingling about, mostly staring at a few of the displays of ammo and other gear. Their crystal coats shimmered in the sun, and Cadance smiled as she cantered between them.
A small section parted way for her and Flurry as she approached the doors, and she peered up at the sign. Gunning for You, was the name. On its sign, there was a suave-looking pony, dressed in a pinstripe suit. His eyes gazed into Cadance's longingly.
Briefly, she felt her heart swoon before she shook her head. Shining is hunky enough, but still... She licked her lips before checking on Flurry.
Flurry was once again munching on the barrel of Love. When she saw her mother's look, she burbled and spat a few bubbles of spit.
As a bit splattered on Cadance's nose, Flurry giggled and whacked the safety. It clicked, and the mechanism cycled. At the last second, Cadance pulled it away and shook her head.
When the barrel left Flurry's mouth, there was a sudden explosion from the end. A zinging bullet shot through the air and ricocheted off the ground. Some more pings and plinks resounded as the bullet bounced between a planter, a bit of the exterior wall of the gun range, and finally into the statue of Princess Amore. It left a gaping hole in its forehead.
Eyes growing wide, Flurry gazed at the gun and whined as Cadance opened the door to the range.
"Don't worry, Flurry," Cadance huffed as she properly shouldered the foal in her foreleg. "You'll get to try it out soon."
Behind her, there was a shriek as cracks pierced through the street. Tumbling rock collapsed, and Cadance turned to see that the head of the statue had fallen off. A pony lay underneath, groaning and trying to fling the heavy thing off.
"I think it ruptured my spleen!"
Nickering, Cadance rolled her eyes and called back, "Just walk it off! That happens to mine every other week!"
"Do you even know anatomy?!" he screeched at her, his face growing red.
"I know enough where it matters!" Cadance chortled back and flicked her tail. Before he could respond, she brushed aside her mane and slammed the door. She muttered softly to herself, "He'll be fine. It'll help build some character. Heck, mares dig scars."
Inside, the breeze of recirculated air worked its way underneath her mane. She sighed, closing her eyes for a second. Suddenly, there was a chorus of pops and snaps as ponies began to let loose loads of hot lead.
At the back of the range, she could hear clunks and clanks as the rounds impacted the dummies, and she grinned. It was good to finally get away from the hustle and bustle of being a royal. At least for a couple of hours.
While the booming blasts of firearms cracking through the range were comforting to Cadance, Flurry was beginning to grow nervous. She shifted and fought Cadance's grip, moaning and yelping a bit.
"Bhla!" she protested as she pointed to a pair of workers on the far-left side of the room.
Stationed behind a counter, a couple of employees were chatting between each other. Both looked to Cadance as she and Flurry entered. One looked to be no more than about seventeen, and she was shivering as she laid her eyes on Cadance. Some acne was splayed across her face, and her chattering teeth revealed sparkling braces.
Cadance smiled and trotted forward. As she approached, she made out the other employee, who was chuckling to himself.
The dark stallion seemed familiar somehow. He was tall and wore a dark red uniform which flowed down his withers and rump. A luxurious black mane done up in a ponytail flopped lightly against his back, with the rest tucked underneath a bright red hat that read, Make the Empire Crystal Again. He was hunched over the end of the counter. Leering forward a bit more, he watched as a stallion trotted up to one of the stations and leveled his rifle.
As he fumbled, the employee groaned and snapped, "It's not hard! Just... pull the trigger!"
"The what?"
"That tiny thing under the—Fine! I'll just have to do it myself!" With a huff, he hopped over the counter and tromped up to the customer. "I swear, you've gotten stup—" He cut himself off and grinned. "I meant to say, you've gotten this mixed up!"
With a click, he flipped the safety and pointed it toward the end of the range. Pulling the trigger, he unleashed a maelstrom of lead at the target, chewing it to pieces. Blowing softly on the barrel, he stated, "There, now it works." Growling, he pressed his face up to the pony and snarled, "Don't do it again, slave!"
"What?"
"I mean, customer!"
Shaking her head, Cadance smirked at the pony behind the desk. The young mare whimpered softly.
"I'd like to purchase some ammo for these," she said as she let Tempest, Peace, and Love, gently fall to the desk.
Squeaking, the mare nodded and stuttered, "H-How much, P-Princess Cadance?"
"Oh, enough to..." Cadance tapped her chin. Her eyes flashing, she grinned and declared, "How about enough to wipe out a small changeling army. That sound good?" She giggled as the employee moaned and rolled back her eyes.
After a second, the teen whimpered, "I'll give you the Guns Galore special, Princess." With that, she trotted off to the cabinets behind her. Fumbling a bit, she unlocked it and woofed as she dragged out five crates of ammo.
Cadance yelped as she yanked her guns off the desk. Instantly, the pony let the boxes smash onto the desk and wheezed, "That'll be... a thousand bits, Your Highness." She wiped at her brow.
"Seriously? It was just eight hundred last month!" Cadance whined, teleporting in a bag of bits and dropping it on the pony's head. With a huff, she grabbed the ammo and trotted over to the first open range. Flurry held the weapons, much to her glee.
"Hey, Some Bro!" the teen behind the desk called. "Make sure the princess is treated special, okay?" Faintly, over the popping of guns, she whimpered, "Don't need to clean up all the blood like last time."
Some Bro blinked. He glanced back at the young mare and pointed at his chest. When he received a vigorous nod, he hunched forward and bared his teeth. He vigorously shook his head and crossed his forehooves. With a muted grunt, the teen pointed again at Cadance and Flurry. Squeaking softly, she sliced a hoof across her neck, thrust it at Some Bro, then mimed him getting punted out the door. Some Bro blinked, then sighed.
Groaning, Some Bro flopped from his seat at a nearby table and food bar, and he trudged over to Cadance. His muzzle twisted into a scowl, he leveled a glare at the two of them and grunted, "Is there anything I can do—" he shuddered and stuck out his tongue "—to help?"
For a few seconds, Cadance peered at Some Bro. He was awfully familiar, but she couldn't quite place it.
Beside her, Flurry was flapping her wings frantically and screaming the foal equivalent of bloody murder. She powered her horn and glowered at Some Bro.
In return, the stallion snapped, "I don't do children, so please make it quick." Faintly, he added under his breath, "You empire-snatching whore."
Cadance shook her head. "Nope, I don't need anything. Thanks for the offer!" She smiled as Some Bro turned around and prepared to leave. Before he did, she hummed and asked, "Say, have we met before?"
Sweat pouring down the back of his face, he stuttered, "O-Oh! No, we haven't, although, I have been mistaken for another dashing unicorn." He chuckled and brushed back his mane.
With another chortle, he continued, "So, uh, it's a common mistake!" He flashed her a wide smile, his canines clearly visible. "It does help bring in the mares!"
"In your dreams!" the pony behind the counter snarked back.
"I will have you know that I have had many deliciously immoral escapades with attractive ponies!" Some Bro snapped back. With a huff, he cried, "I don't deserve this!" Flinging up his hooves, he grunted and walked off, planting his rump back down on the stool in front of the food bar and slurping on a fruit smoothie. After a minute, he went into the room behind the counter.
Shaking her head, Cadance turned back to Flurry who was still glaring at Some Bro. She stuck out her tongue at the stallion.
"Flurry, don't be rude," Cadance barked, giving her a firm tap on the muzzle. As Flurry sniffled, Cadance sighed and grumbled, "Mommy won’t buy you your first gun unless you behave."
Instantly, Flurry stopped and gurgled at Cadance. There was a small glimmer in her eye, and she cried, "Guh!"
"Yes! 'Guh!'" Cadance mimicked, jumping up and down. She squealed like a little filly. Grinning widely, she felt her cheeks begin to hurt from how long she held the smile. She gasped and exclaimed, "Your first word! Oh! If only Shiny were here to see this!" She pulled up Flurry and gave her a hug, the foal gagging as she was squeezed tightly into Cadance's chest.
After a moment, Cadance released and patted Flurry on the head. Flurry's lips were a bit blue, and she gasped for air. She moaned and reached for Love, repeating "Guh!"
"Yes, icepick, Mommy will show you how to fire it," Cadance cooed, lying down next to Flurry and grabbing Peace. She checked both safeties, then made sure Peace was loaded like Love.
Casting a faint cyan field of magic around the barrel of Peace, she floated it over and wrapped both of Flurry's gimpy arms around the grip of it. Flurry gurgled faintly as she tilted it back to try and stare down its muzzle.
Clicking her tongue, Cadance shook her head and tutted, "No, Flurry." She snatched Love. She grimaced a bit as she rubbed the end of it on her chest to wipe off the excess foal drool.
Once done, she pressed herself up and stated, "Just watch Mommy, my snowsquall!" She pulled the barrel of Peace out of Flurry's mouth. Rolling her eyes, she sighed and took aim with Love.
Peering down the small sights, she lined up the tip of the gun with the center of the target and let off a series of pops. Each shot knocked the barrel higher, and the last shot sped right through the head of the target.
A faint trail of smoke left the end of Peace's muzzle. Cadance blew it away, smirking as she eyed her work. With the sudden cracks of the gun, her ears rang, and she could barely make out that Flurry was bawling on the ground.
Chuckling, she wiped a few tears from her daughter's face and cooed, "Don't worry, sugar plum, Mommy's ears hurt too the first time she tried one." She gently petted Flurry's head. "It'll be better soon."
It didn't get better. All Flurry continued to do was wail as she rocked back and forth in the small shooting cell. A few ponies had started to glare Cadance's way, and she tittered to herself. Faintly, she could feel her cheeks getting hot. This wasn't the kind of attention she was keen on.
As Flurry continued to cry, Cadance's mind started to race. Glancing around, she sighed and snatched Love from the ground. With a single motion, she released the magazine, which dropped to the floor with a clatter. The cartridges inside clinked out and scattered on the floor.
"Look, Flurry! Shiny!" she called, waving the golden barrel of Love in front of Flurry's face.
Instantly, the foal stopped and mumbled, "Guh?" She beat her hooves on the floor and belted out, "Mah guh!" She yanked it with a strong pull of magic from Cadance and held it in front of her. She stared deeply into the reflection before putting the barrel again in her mouth.
She licked around the edges, a dopey smile beginning to grow on her face. Closing her eyes contentedly, she slurped as more drool slid around the barrel.
Cadance sighed and pressed a hoof to her muzzle. This was going to go nowhere. That was plain enough to see. Maybe Flurry just wasn't quite ready? Should have waited another month. She would have been more mature by then, she mused to herself and furrowed her brow.
Slowly, a headache was beginning to form, and she knew there was only one answer: Booze. It had helped her a lot during the first few weeks of Flurry's life.
Taking one look at Flurry, she waved a hoof dismissively. Flurry was fine. Cadance had emptied the magazine in Love, so it wasn't like Flurry could hurt herself. Besides, Cadance would be in full view the entire time.
Trotting up to the bar, she slammed a hoof down and snapped, "Give me a whiskey." She twisted a fetlock to wave them on.
The two teens that were working the counter glanced between each other before one stammered, "Uh, we... don't serve that here, Princess."
"I said, get me a whiskey!" she snapped back, furrowing her brow snarling. With a growl she swished her tail and pressed her muzzle against the younger of the two.
For a few seconds, he stared at her before whimpering, "I'll see what I can find!" With that, he darted back into the rear of the range, nearly bumping into Some Bro as he stepped out. He was wearing a steel crown, and his uniform had gotten a white fringe to it and flowed like a cape. In his magic he carried a number of helmets.
"Ha!" he bellowed. With glee, he sprang over Cadance and declared, "You have fallen into my trap, Cadance! With these helmets," he chucked one into the air and sent it toward another customer, "I'll have you outnumbered. Then the Crystal Empire will be mine again!"
With a thud, the helmet landed on the pony, instantly activating with a green glow around the eyes. He went rigid, then swiveled on his hooves to point his gun at Cadance.
Effortlessly, Some Bro tossed a couple more helmets into the air and whacked them like they were volleyballs. Each landed precisely on other customers, and they went stiff as well. In a matter of seconds, Some Bro had placed helmets on the roughly thirty or so armed ponies in the range.
In unison, they started to trudge toward Cadance, who yawned and scratched her chest. Flurry was still behind Some Bro fiddling with Love. She cried when it fell out of her grip.
"Here's your—" The server reemerged with a roiling concoction of something vaguely intoxicating and froze when he saw the small army before him. Groaning, he fainted to the floor, and Cadance sighed when the glass shattered and scattered the booze everywhere.
Arching a brow, she turned back to Some Bro and stated, "You know, you're really familiar. You sure we haven't met?"
Snarling, Some Bro beat a hoof against his chest and snapped, "You stupid mare! It is I! The handsome and brilliant Som—!" He gagged as a loud bang echoed through the room. For a second, he stood still, then pressed a fetlock against his chest as black sludge oozed out of his chest.
There was a gaping hole there, and he staggered forward once before croaking out, "Beaten by a foal! I can't be beaten by a babbling, drooling moron of a foal!" He coughed once more, the fringes of his cape and rump beginning to float off into the air. "Damn you, Cadance! Damn you to Tartarus!"
With that, he collapsed to the ground, the rest of his body fading away into dust. A small stain of black was all that was left of him. Cadance shrugged.
"Okay, whatever. Guess I won't know where I saw him." When she saw Flurry lying beside Love, her hooves splayed in the air, she gasped. "Flurry!" She darted back to her and pressed a hoof against her daughter's chest. Burbling, Flurry twitched and then curled her hooves around Cadance’s fetlock.
"Guh kah!" she cried, pointing a wingtip to where Some Bro had been a moment before.
"Yes, Flurry, guns can kill, and Mommy's very mad that you shot that nice pony." She shook her head and scowled. Whimpering, Flurry bowed her head. "Mommy's going to have to get Sunburst to teach you better trigger control. That is if he comes back tomorrow."
With a huff, she picked up Flurry and grabbed her guns. The entire day was ruined, but at least she still had the evening to look forward to. As she cantered out, she glanced at the teen who manned the register, and she frowned. Tossing some bits toward her, Cadance stated, "Sorry about the mess." With that, she sauntered out, Flurry blowing a raspberry as they teleported away.
***
Moaning, Cadance flopped back into her plush bed and flicked her tail enticingly at Shining. He was looking at her, scratching his muzzle and nickering to himself. Finally, he stated, "I don't get."
Rolling her eyes, Cadance huffed, "Honey, don't use your brain. Just, come here." She batted her lashes at him.
"I still don't get it. I thought you meant you were going to make me breakfast in bed." He pouted and gazed at her, and his stomach rumbled a bit.
How did he ever figure out how to have a kid? "Shining, it's almost midnight. Why would you want breakfast now?" Cadance rolled onto her stomach. The mood was killed at this point.
"Well, it's midnight, it’s the next day, which means morning, and morning means breakfast, which means I want breakfast in bed." He snorted and sat down beside Cadance. Giving her a nuzzle, he added, "But I guess we can just snuggle instead."
"Yes, 'snuggle,'" Cadance cooed, pushing him down on the mattress and eyeing him lustfully. Licking her lips, she got up and froze. There was a creak of the door, and the patter of tiny pairs of hooves.
Face beet red, Cadance whipped her head around and saw Flurry trundling in. In the foal's magic, a massive, slightly dinged up minigun floated. Additionally, there was a single underslung grenade launcher attached to the drum feed.
"Flurry!" both adults cried in unison.
Flurry pointed to an inscription scratched onto the barrel feed of the gun. In scrawling letters, the name Flurry was written. She snorted and stamped a hoof. "Muh guh?" she demanded, jabbing a hoof again at the minigun.
Gulping, Cadance stuttered, "F-Flurry, icy cheeks, put Flurry down, and we can talk about today."
"What happened today?" Shining demanded, his voice growing a bit shrill as he gazed at the minigun. There were a number of slashes on the drum feed. If peered at hard enough, they looked like changeling heads.
"Nothing happened! Flurry was perfectly fine!" Cadance hastily snapped back as a few beads of sweat formed on her back. She raised her hooves cautiously. "Flurry. Just, put down Flurry the gun, and we can talk about this."
Shaking her head, Flurry growled, "Nuh! Muh guh!" She stuck out her tongue and started to play with the trigger mechanism. As the barrels started to whirl up, she giggled and repeated, "Muh guh goh buh!"
"Oh no," Cadance whimpered as she saw Flurry fiddle with the grenade launcher.
"Ka-buh!"
A massive explosion ripped through the palace. Plumes of orange and red flames shot out the windows, and the entire building groaned. After a few seconds, it teetered, and with a resounding crash, the westward side collapsed in a giant pile of rubble.
As the dust settled, a small pink form floated through the air. Giggling, Flurry settled on the debris, which slowly shifted as Cadance and Shining pushed their way out.
With a groan, Cadance looked up at Flurry.
Spluttering and spitting, Flurry laughed and cried, "Guh ka-buh! Ka-buh!" She smacked Cadance on the head.
As Shining clambered out, Cadance flopped forward and muttered, "Well, I guess she takes after the family." She chuckled as Flurry burbled again. Gulping, her eyes shrunk as Flurry pulled another grenade from her diaper.
"Ka-buh!"
"Oh buck!"
FIN
Author's Note
Well, that was another adventure of writing things in two days. 
While I didn't plan this as a sequel originally to A Canterlot Leaddening, when I saw the Cadance is a terrible mother competition, this was the first idea that popped to mind. After all, why doesn't an already overpowered alicorn foal who can vaporize crystal with a single blast need a gun? It's clearly a crime against ponydom!
Anyway, thanks again to EverfreePony for their fast response time on getting to editing this thing. It was a blast to write, edit, and reread. 
T4E
