As Sunset pulled away from the hug, her smile was huge, genuine, kind. Wallflower‘s chest hurt just seeing it, even though she knew that was terrible. (She was not certain why it was terrible; she’d have to ask later. But it certainly somehow was.)
“It’s so great to see you!” Sunset enthused. “I saw you over there, but you looked pretty busy, so.”
“Aw, just some tax stuff for the farm,” the girl replied. “Dunno if you heard, but I’m getting into the whole business side of it. I ain’t never been big on planting and harvesting, but numbers, I’m good at.” Right, of course she was smart. She looked smart. The smirk she was putting on was clearly a smart-person smirk. “I was gonna come over and say hi, too, but you and your friend here seemed to be in your own little world.”
“Ahaaaha!” The noise Sunset made was mostly a nervous laugh but also choking, but she recovered well. “Maybe.” She paused slightly, then seemed to remember herself. “Oh! Um, yeah, Wallflower, this is Apple Bloom. Remember her?”
I mean, I don’t know, Sunset, I can’t keep track of all your kabillion gorgeous friends. “Um.” Wallflower tried to smile; this Apple Bloom chick really did look genuinely nice. “Hi.”
“Hey!” Apple Bloom grabbed her hand and shook it heartily, and it somehow didn’t feel like an uncomfortable violation of personal space. “You from here? I’d know you if you went to Canterlot, so, hm, lemme think. You one of them Crystal Prep people?”
“N…no. I, um.”
“Aw, man.” Apple Bloom scratched the back of her head charmingly. “You’re probably one of Vignette or Rara’s bigtime celebrity friends, huh? Sorry, I…”
“Wallflower did go to Canterlot,” Sunset interrupted, voice smooth. “And careful, kiddo. You might have been class president this year, but you didn’t know everyone cool on campus back when you were a little freshman.”
“Hey, now.” Apple Bloom sighed playfully. “Am I just always gonna be a freshman to you?”
“Forever and ever!” Pinkie Pie confirmed, looking up from busing Apple Bloom’s table.
Goddddd, Sunset did that perfectly. She completely changed the subject away from the thing making Wallflower uncomfortable, in a way Apple Bloom didn’t even notice because it was kind of an insult, but then she knew to throw in a compliment too so it was clear everyone was just playing around. It was perfect. She just completely knew how to be utterly perfect without even thinking about it.
Apple Bloom finished rolling her eyes and saying whatever she said back to Pinkie, and she regarded Sunset again. “Well anyways, I can’t believe Applejack or Rares hasn’t mentioned you’re in town. You just back for a visit, or the summer?”
“Whole summer! I got in a week ago, but I’ve been hermiting. Needed to decompress and get my work situation set up.” Wallflower glanced over in surprise. She and Sunset had hung out several times already, and they texted a lot in between. She must be seeing people; why would she lie to Apple Bloom like that? “You’ll get sick of me coming over to the farm pretty soon, I bet.”
Apple Bloom laughed. “I bet. Well, I’m heading home.” She smiled at Wallflower; it didn’t look fake at all. “Good to meet you again! Y’all are welcome over at the farm any time, too, just so long as you don’t mind hearing us talk your ear off about apples.”
“I like apples.”
That had been a very stupid thing to say, but she couldn’t think of anything else. Luckily, though, Apple Bloom was socially skilled enough to just respond with a huge grin and a wave.
Wallflower watched her walk to the door, noticing she felt pretty okay. “She’s nice,” she said, meaning it.
“Right? She’s always been a cool kid. I still can’t believe she’s graduated and going to college and everything, though.”
“I still can’t believe she thought I was a social media celebrity.”
A loud gasp rang out nearby, but she expected it enough to not be startled. “Wallflower!” Pinkie yipped, wiping down a nearby booth, “you’d be such an awesome social media celebrity! The people need someone to teach them how to arrange flowers and everything!”
Wallflower couldn’t help but smile at the compliment, but she noticed Sunset next to her laughing in a way that seemed forced. Pinkie obviously noticed, too; she frowned for just a split second before returning to her work.
“Oh!” Sunset glanced at her watch. (She’d picked it up sometime over the past year at school; it was one of those wide, black, digital ones. Indestructible and practical, just like Sunset herself.) “You guys closed ten minutes ago! Sorry, Pinkie, we’ll get out of your way.”
“Hm?” Pinkie looked up, hugely smiling. “Don’t worry about it! …But if you’re going, I’ll see you tomorrow with the girls, right?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” Sunset replied, smiling back, some of the tension dissipated. “It’ll be kinda weird without Twilight or Rainbow around, but it’ll be so good to see everyone else.”
“Ah, thanks for reminding me!” Pinkie yipped. “I’ll share you on the video chat schedule! You’re a night owl, but you miiigggggghhht have to get up early for talking to Twilight! I don’t want her to think we’re not thinking about her just because she’s all the way in Flankfurt!”
“She won’t. But I’m glad you’re on it.” Sunset had mostly relaxed by now, and she waved smoothly. “See you at lunch.”
Pinkie’s smile was huge. “Byyeee!” She looked at Wallflower; her smile stayed just as big. “I know you hate getting put on the spot about social things, so I won’t, like, acccccctively invite you, wink? But I know all the girls would love to see you any time!”
Wallflower nodded, feeling weirdly not overwhelmed. Pinkie was pretty great at people. “Thanks.”
“I mean, not as much as Sunset does,” Pinkie clarified. “But almost!”
Sunset made a weird snorting sound, and when Wallflower turned to look, she had her back to her, pressing a hand to her face.
“Hee hee hee hee hee.” Pinkie’s laugh was almost sinister, but still utterly benign at the same time. “Gniiight!”
As they stepped outside, Wallflower glanced over, raising an eyebrow. “Pinkie’s pretty random, huh?”
“Yep!” Sunset quickly agreed. “That’s her! Raaandom ol’ Pinkie!” She walked right to the passenger door of Wallflower’s car, which was still kind of surprising to see. “There’s really no one like her anywhere. Her and you. Those are the two people I’ve met who are just totally unique.”
“Ehhhm.” Wallflower unlocked the car bashfully, trying in vain to will her face to stop being red before getting in where it was light. “C’mon. There’s plenty of Wallflowers. You just wouldn’t know, because no one ever notices them.”
Sunset laughed, sliding her seatbelt on. “But I noticed you. Which means you are unique. QED.”
“Grf.” Wallflower did not mind the embarrassment she was feeling. It was actually pretty nice. “Well. Okay.” She started the engine and pulled out. “I don’t think you used ‘QED’ correctly.”
“Shush.” The silence between them was completely fine. Sunset-silence.
They’d been friends for years. Always texting on and off. But at some point over the past semester, they’d started texting more. And then more. And then every day. She had no idea how it happened.
She suddenly realized Sunset was staring at her. She glanced over, and Sunset reacted like a kid caught looking at a dirty magazine. “…What?”
“Nothing!” Sunset stared down at her own lap, rigid. “Just.”
“…Whaaaat?”
“Nooothhhinnng. I was just thinking. Um. Who could possibly not notice you?”
Wallflower surprised herself by continuing to be able to drive safely, though in every other way, she was totally falling apart. “See, this is why I didn’t want to say it. It was too dorky.”
Yeah, so what Sunset considered dorky was still somehow the sexiest thing ever.
Wallflower almost had one of her bad thoughts, so she reminded herself again that Sunset had a whole lot of friends, and she probably texted them all the time, too. Every single one of them probably thought there was ‘an energy’ when they were sitting in a car together, because that’s just how things worked for the friends of extremely hot bisexual people.
They just drove for a minute or two.
“It was cool seeing Apple Bloom,” Sunset remarked eventually. “I mostly know her as Applejack’s little sister, but I’ve been in touch with her more, recently. She and her friends have kind of taken over dealing with Equestrian magic flare-ups. We should probably figure out what we’re gonna do about that in the fall, huh.”
At the mention of equestrian magic, Wallflower tensed up. “Is that still a problem?” she asked, trying to sound neutral.
“No, just little things here and there. A magic, bottomless shopping bag. Something about a crystal that made mushrooms turn into cats? Didn’t really understand that one.” She paused, then seemed to realize something and looked over quickly. “I’m not saying all Equestrian magic is bad! Some of it’s good. Just, it’s also good to have people here, keeping on top of things.”
“Yeah.” Wallflower very much wanted to change the subject, but by the time she thought of a new topic, there had been a long enough pause that it probably didn’t even matter anymore. But she asked anyway, “Are, um. Are things okay between you and Pinkie? It seemed a little tense.”
Sunset paused in a poorly disguised attempt to feign surprise. But she gave that up quickly and sighed. “Yeah.” She rubbed the back of her neck, laughing nervously. “It’s no big. Just, um.” She was blushing; this was weird. “We just kind of had a thing last summer.”
“A… thing?”
“Yyyeeeah. Texting and video calls have been fine, but seeing her in person again just kind of hit me. I was mostly just surprised I wasn’t totally over it.”
Wallflower didn’t say anything. This had not been the subject she’d wanted to change the subject to.
“I’m kinda embarrassed you even noticed,” Sunset continued, babbling a little. “It’s really not a big deal. I just missed everyone a lot after my first year away, and when I got back into town, bam, Pinkie’s there being all huge and affectionate and herself, and… I mean. I got a crush on her.”
“Oh.”
“She’s pretty much straight. But Pinkie’s Pinkie, she doesn’t want to disappoint anyone, so she, um.” Sunset coughed. “…wow, I am just laying all this on you, huh? I thought I was over it. I mean, I am over Pinkie, just… you know how weird things can be when friends hook up.”
Wallflower absolutely had no clue how weird things could be when friends hooked up. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah! Yeah, just still kinda guilty over putting her in that position, you know? She’s told me a bunch of times it’s cool, and I believe her, but… um.”
“Believing and believing are different things.”
“Exactly.” Sunset nodded thoughtfully, then smiled. “Should’ve known you’d get me. You always seem to.”
Wallflower didn’t plan on feeling nice from that, but she did. She just drove, feeling nice for a bit. “Um,” she said finally, “it’s been really great seeing you so much. I know you have a lot of people you want to see now that you’re back, but I hope. Y’know. I hope we can still hang out a bunch.”
“That’s definitely my plan.” Sunset smiled at her. Wallflower smiled, too. She couldn’t help it. Yyyyyup, every time she’d seen her all week, she thought maybe she wasn’t totally head-over-heels. Then by the end of the night, that little fantasy was right out the window.
Sunset’s phone buzzed right as they reached her sublet. She fiddled with the screen for a few seconds awkwardly, then smiled as she read something. “Pinkie wants to make sure you understood you actually are invited to when we all hang out. That’s why she said ‘wink.’”
“Yeah. I got that.”
“Thought so.” Sunset fiddled some more, then gave up and put her phone back in her pocket. “Eh, sorry, this is just a new phone and I’m not really used to it yet.”
“When did you get it?”
“Just right after I got into town. I haven’t done anything with it yet but order food and. Well. Text you, pretty much.”
“Uhm. C’mon.”
“Really! You were my inaugural new phone text. It felt special, that way. Like it’s kinda your phone, too, somehow.”
Wallflower vaguely noticed Sunset gently touching her hand, then gently pulling her hand away. “I’m. Really dorky tonight! I guess. Ha ha.”
‘Please do not ever stop being dorky,’ Wallflower thought, but she absolutely didn’t say that out loud. Sunset was reaching out to her as a friend, and she was terrible for twisting that with wrong thoughts. “I’ll… see you soon?”
“Yeah! Yeah.” Sunset nodded quickly. “I’ll be in touch. Texting. Yeah.” She quickly hugged Wallflower, then threw open the door and jumped out, waving.
So, Sunset totally knew. Every one of her friends had probably fallen in love with her at some point (except Pinkie of all people??) so she was naturally going to be cool about it, but Wallflower still felt like a total jerk. She forced herself to smile as she pulled away.
She drove around the corner and pulled into a little office building’s parking lot. She took a deep, shaky breath.
This was bad. It was inevitable, of course, but bad bad bad bad. Inevitably bad. Inevitably Bad: The Wallflower Blush Story.
She was having thoughts. Specifically she was having thoughts that Sunset was… feeling things towards her that Sunset Shimmer would never feel towards her. It was gross of her, especially to think that about someone being such a good friend.
But. She had a remedy. She pulled out her phone and opened up her newest app. With a very obviously magical whoosh, the app came to life. Her phone glowed.
She held it up and spoke clearly into the air. “Hey, Juicy.”
brrmp
“How much more attractive is Pinkie Pie than me?”
Pinkamena Pie is eighty-one percent more attractive than Wallflower Blush.
She frowned. That was fine, but it sounded closer than it was. Pinkie had looks, but that wasn’t her real strength. “Hey, Juicy.”
brrmp
“How much better-liked is Pinkie Pie than me?”
Pinkamena Pie is liked by six hundred forty-three percent more people than Wallflower Blush.
Okay, right, there it was. Sunset wasn’t shallow; she wouldn’t just care about how pretty someone was. What pushed Pinkie up to her level was the social skills, the charm.
Wallflower clutched her phone tightly. This hurt, but it was right, so then.... well, so then something. What mattered was, it was right.
The app had just appeared on her phone a week or so earlier, and she would have worried it was some sort of virus if the icon hadn’t been glowing in a very distinctively Equestrian Magic kind of way.
It sure seemed harmless. No mind control or giant monsters. Just a promise: Ask Juicy anything. Juicy knows everything.
Once she established its legitimacy, she lasted about three hours before she asked it about Sunset. Specifically, she asked it how many people Sunset had ever kissed. The answer was twelve, which seemed low for how gorgeous Sunset was, but made more sense considering she hadn’t been around any people for the first two-thirds of her life.
Violating Sunset’s privacy made her feel gross, and she tried not to ask more questions like that. But she was glad she did it once, just to have that added perspective. She could quantify things: even with her handicap, Sunset was twelve times less of a loser than Wallflower was, if that one time with a drunk and experimenting Roseluck even counted, which it shouldn’t.
“Hey, Juicy.”
brrmp
“Does Sunset still…” She trailed off. She couldn’t ask if Sunset still liked Pinkie. That would be creepy and invasive. And it didn’t matter, anyway.
I’m sorry, I don’t understand your question.
“How much uglier am I than the ugliest person Sunset has ever kissed?”
Wallflower Blush is twenty-three percent uglier than Red Truth.
Right. That was what mattered, right there. Whoever this schlub was, they were the absolute baseline for how low Sunset would go, and Wallflower was even grosser than them. She just had to keep remembering that.
“Ummmmmmm.” Derpy scratched her forehead, leaving a trail of dirt behind. “I think, uhm, she might… like you?”
“She doesn’t,” Wallflower replied quickly. “I must’ve told it wrong, if you got that impression.”
“Yyyyeah. See, it’s just, the whole texting thing?”
“No! That was… grragh.” Wallflower did what no one should ever do and looked over to Trixie for help. “Tell her!”
Trixie glanced over the rims of her sunglasses but made no other effort to not lethargically sprawl across her lawn chair. “You must have told the story wrong,” she agreed. “Because I got bored with it and stopped listening midway through.”
“Grrpf.” Wallflower dropped her shovel and glared at Derpy. “She’s Sunset Shimmer. She doesn’t like me.”
“I mean, couldn’t you put some car chases in it or something? Spice things up?”
“Trixie, I swear to god.” Wallflower was always worried she wouldn’t be able to click into old grooves when she hadn’t seen her friends for a while, but she should have remembered that Trixie’s annoying personality was some kind of eternal fact of the universe.
“Chill out, Blush, jeez.” Trixie stretched, looking totally unconcerned. “We’re friends! It was very nice of me to give you a chance to do your little plant whatever, right? I could have invited you over to watch me practice my magic.”
Wallflower rolled her eyes. “First, that is a very weird way to phrase ‘come over and landscape my parents’ flower garden for free.’ And second, you totally did invite us over to watch you do magic, remember? We said no.”
“You said no,” Derpy corrected with a wide, childlike grin. “I wanna see, later! I just also want to be able to dig around in the dirt with you, Wally.”
Wallflower sighed. She wanted to just feel sour, but she couldn’t with Derpy friending at her like that. “Yeah. I missed it, too. Too bad Roseluck isn’t coming back this year.”
“Oh yeah!” Trixie said, sitting up. “Where is your cute friend Roseluck? She’s not coming?”
“She’s in Manehattan all summer. Being straight. So forget it.” Wallflower shook her head, aggravated. “Look, we got off track.”
“...Wait, did Rose tell you she was straight? ...Huh.”
“What?”
Derpy shrugged. “Uh, nothing, nothing. Never mind.”
“Graaugh! Look. Listen to me. The point is, Sunset. Doesn’t. Like me.”
“Uh huh…” Derpy set her trowel aside and looked up hesitantly. “See, but, what if she does, though?”
“Then she shouldn’t.”
Derpy had no response to that. She just sighed, picked her trowel back up, and kept working. Wallflower didn’t feel as satisfied as she thought she would, but a win was a win. She went over to get her shovel.
So, Sunset was acting very much like someone who was attracted to Wallflower, which was really starting to get on Wallflower’s nerves. It was obviously all a coincidence, but, like, a reasonable person would be making these mistakes.
She suggested they prolong their nighttime hangout by swinging on the swingsets of a nearby playground, which was already a problem. And then Sunset had, as usual, said goodbye with a hug.
But when Sunset pulled back from the hug, she half-closed her eyes and leaned forward again, and come on, that was something very easy to get wrong ideas about. If Wallflower had been Pinkie or Flash Sentry or someone, this exact behavior would very reasonably lead to… certain conclusions. Kissy conclusions.
Wallflower froze in place. Sunset stopped, blinked as if realizing what was going on, then jerked back, looking terrified. “Uh!”
Thinking of Sunset’s exes and adjacent exes, something occurred to Wallflower. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “You know I’m gay, right?”
That would explain everything. Sunset just thought they were gal pals, because she thought Wallflower was straight, and so she could throw out these ambiguous cues without worrying if anyone would get the wrong idea.
Sunset’s eyes were as wide as if Wallflower had just pulled out a machine gun. “Yes?” she squeaked. “You. Um, you told me you were.” She paused. “You’ve told me a couple of times, actually.”
“Well. I am.”
Sunset was noticeably sweating. “So…?”
“So… yeah.”
Sunset tittered like a person who was losing their mind. “...Yeah?”
Wallflower realized she had totally messed this up. She mumbled something about seeing Sunset the next day and bolted. She didn’t look back.
When she got home, she almost cried but didn’t. This was all just really stupid and avoidable, but she couldn’t make herself really believe the facts.
“Hey, Juicy?”
brrmp
“Am I just the world’s hugest loser?”
‘Loser’ is a 1994 song by alternative rock musician Buck.
“Gaaagh!” She tossed her phone across the room and collapsed onto her bed.
“Soooooo. You were on a swingset in a kids’ playground in the middle of the night.”
“Uh huh.”
“And then when you said goodbye, she hugged you, and she…”
“I know! I know how it sounds. I know. It sounds like she wanted to kiss me. I know.”
Derpy shrugged. “Well. Kinda, yeah.”
“Did you kiss her?” Trixie asked, because of course she did.
“No, of course not!”
“Why ‘of course not?’”
“Because I know she wouldn’t want to.”
Derpy placed her hand on Wallflower’s arm, kindly. “Hon, I know it can be hard to believe good things about yourself sometimes, but…”
“No. You don’t get it.” Wallflower hesitated, then sighed. “It’s not about believing. It’s about knowing. I know she wouldn’t want to. For sure.”
“How could you know? That’s impossible.” Derpy took a step forward, being an extremely good friend, all things considered. “Hon, really. I understand how this can feel sometimes…”
“No, you really don’t understand! I actually do know! For real!”
“How?”
“Because…” She made the decision. This was fine, if it’d make them understand.
She pulled out her phone. “...I have this: Juicy.”
“Oh!” Trixie came as close as Wallflower had ever seen to blushing. “Well. I appreciate the nickname, but I don’t see what a phone has to do with…”
“No!” Wallflower snapped. “No. Juicy is an app. But, like… it’s also equestrian magic.”
“Ohh, huh. Like the cat mushrooms?”
“Yeah. It knows everything; it can answer any question. I’ve been using it to help with Sunset.”
“Whaaaaaat,” Trixie squawked, leaning forward. “You’re using pony magic to spy on your girlfriend? Don’t do that; that’s creepy.”
“She’s not my girlfriend. She wouldn’t…” Wallflower shook her head angrily. “This is the point. I use it to remind myself she shouldn’t like me. Look.” She held up the phone and spoke into it. “Hey, Juicy.”
brrmp
“How much uglier am I than the people Sunset has kissed?”
Wallflower Blush is two-hundred forty percent uglier than the average person Sunset Shimmer has kissed.
Derpy and Trixie just stood there for a moment. “Um.”
“Well first, yikes,” Trixie said. “Second, booorrrrring. If you’re gonna be a magic creep, at least get sexier info. Hey, Juicy!”
brrmp
“Who’s the hottest person Sunset Shimmer has ever made out with?”
The most attractive person Sunset Shimmer has kissed is Flash Sentry.
“Uggggh, nooooo, hey Juicy, who’s the hottest girl Sunset Shimmer has ever made out with?”
The most attractive girl Sunset Shimmer has kissed is Fleur de Lis.
“I don’t know who that is. Should I know who that is?”
“Trixie, cut it out,” Wallflower grunted. “I’m not trying to spy on Sunset.” Except if Fleur de Lis was who Wallflower thought she was, it was more useful information about how far Sunset was out of her league. “The point is not being into her, because of all the reasons I shouldn’t be.”
"I was kinda hoping it'd be Fluttershy. Or Roseluck. Or..."
“Hon…” Derpy interrupted Trixie, thankfully. But she trailed off, sighing. “Just…” She trailed off again.
“Whaaat?”
“Nothing. Never mind.” Derpy frowned, hugging her arm uncomfortably. “Just take care of yourself, okay?”
Wallflower nodded. “That’s all I’ve been doing.”
Okay, like. Come on.
The whole couch was open, but Sunset sat really close. Right up next to her.
Sunset was not making this easy. And then immediately after thinking that, Wallflower felt bad about it. This wasn’t Sunset’s fault. Sunset was being wonderful, kind, perfect Sunset. This was Wallflower’s fault, for getting stupid ideas in her head and then not being disciplined enough to get rid of them.
It was also Trixie’s fault. Probably. Somehow.
Sunset looked down, apparently noticing how close her knee was to touching Wallflower’s, and she scooted over a few centimeters away, cheeks red. Yeah, so Sunset totally knew, and it was uncomfortable, but she was still dedicated to being a good friend. Of course.
“Um,” Wallflower said, desperately trying to think of anything to say, “how’s work?”
“Oh! Yeah, it’s good!” Sunset’s smile was awkward, but she kept it smooth. “Not the most interesting stuff, but I was really lucky Dr. Certainty’s letting me keep working remotely. No way I wasn’t going to come back to town, but I reeaaally didn’t want to do sushi again.”
She wasn’t awkward because she liked Wallflower. She wasn’t. That didn’t make sense. Stop.
“And,” Sunset continued, “I mean, I’m not Twilight, off working with nobel laureates, but I should probably be thinking about grad school recs and everything.”
Wallflower noticed something in her voice, there. A hitch. “Are you disappointed she didn’t come back this year? And Rainbow Dash, too?”
Sunset glanced away, scratching her head in discomfort. “No? Well. A little, I guess. But I know it’s really important for what they want to do.”
“Yeah, but it makes sense you’d feel that way,” Wallflower pointed out. “It’d even be okay to be a little mad at them, as long as you weren’t a jerk about it or anything.”
“Yeah?” Wallflower nodded, and Sunset sighed. “Yeah, okay. I know that, but it means a lot you said it out loud. Thanks, Wally.”
Wallflower looked down and realized Sunset was holding her hand, now. She’d just reached out and entwined their fingers together, just like that.
Wallflower didn’t move. Sunset pulled her hand away quickly.
“Hey! Yeah!” Sunset stood up quickly and walked a few steps away. “Thanks! You’re a great friend! Thanks! For being such a great friend.” She paused. “Yeah.”
“I have to go to the bathroom.” Wallflower stood up and stiffly walked, as quickly as she could, away. Once she was in the bathroom, she shut the door and locked it behind her.
She’d taken psychology classes. She knew how this worked! People see what they want to see. They interpret things based on what they want to be true. Sunset deserved better than her friend having all these ideas!
She pulled out her phone and, as quietly as she could, said, “Hey Juicy.”
brrmp
“Does Sunset only think of me as a friend?”
I’m sorry, I don’t understand your question.
Right, just like every other time she’d asked that. Juicy was omniscient, but there were some questions it couldn’t answer, and that was one of them. She just had to try, though.
But she had plenty of backup plans. “Hey, Juicy.”
brrmp
“How much smarter than me is Sunset?”
Sunset Shimmer is three hundred twenty-one percent smarter than Wallflower Blush.
“Hey, Juicy.”
brrmp
“How many people who are smarter than me and better-looking than me could Sunset call up right now and ask them out and they’d say yes?”
Sunset Shimmer knows forty-three people she could start dating right now who are better-looking and smarter than Wallflower Blush.
Good. Right. Okay.
Wallflower took a deep breath. She opened the door and stepped out, ready to continue this entirely platonic evening.
But she’d only taken one step into the hallway when she heard it, very clearly. It was a distinctive voice, one she knew well.
...set Shimmer has hurt Twilight Sparkle’s feelings seventy-three times.
What.
Sunset had… a Juicy? Why did Sunset…
But then she decided it didn’t matter. Equestrian magic was weird; why wouldn’t Sunset have a Juicy, too? The important part was, she was apparently using it to find out things that had gone wrong in her friendships? Why would Sunset Shimmer ever worry about that?
And seventy-three?? That seemed ridiculously high. How had Sunset phrased that question?
Sunset’s voice flitted out of the living room: “Hey, Juicy.” Anxious to hear more, Wallflower walked closer… but she apparently wasn’t careful enough, because Sunset yipped. “Wah! You done?!”
Juicy is never done.
“Gah, not you, you stupid…” As Wallflower walked into the room, Sunset whirled around, smiling fakely. “Hey! Sorry, just… checking my voicemail!”
“...Yeah.” Wallflower couldn’t think of any way to productively get into anything, so she just squeezed her hands uncomfortably. “...Anything important?”
“Nope! Just… y’know, work stuff.” Sunset relaxed in obvious relief.
Wallflower frowned, but she couldn’t think of any way to help. “Want to play Forbidden Fruit Trees? I saw you streaming it, but I bet I’m better.”
“What, no way!” Sunset protested, grinning. “C’mon.” She sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to her. Wallflower sat down. Not too close.
Sunset pulled back from the hug, which Wallflower probably hadn’t even wanted, and which was probably the exact worst decision about how to say goodbye Sunset could have made. Wallflower was great; she was strong in ways Sunset could barely imagine. But there were ways she was fragile too, and they definitely had to do with hugs.
God, Sunset just couldn’t help herself. She was so gross, to keep putting Wallflower in uncomfortable positions.
“Um.” Cheeks red, Wallflower turned to walk away, then turned back. “Hey, just.” She trailed off.
“Yeah?”
“Mf.”
“It’s okay, Wally, what is it?” Sunset’s chest ached; Wallflower was just so sweet, deep down. She didn't even try.
“Just. I meant to say this a while ago, but…” She looked up into Sunset’s eyes with pure kindness. “Look, if you need someone to talk to about missing Twilight and Rainbow, then you really can talk to me. I don’t know them super-well, but I know they see you as a really, really important friend, and. Uh.” Her shoulders were caving in on themselves as she spoke, but she finished clearly. “I don’t want you to feel bad, is all.”
Sunset felt intensely, overwhelmingly miserable for a split-second. This girl just kept getting more and more wonderful, and Sunset couldn’t just be cool about it. “Thanks. I think I’m fine, really. But I promise I’ll talk about it if I’m not.”
“Okay.” Wallflower smiled with blinding adorability and stepped out into the apartment building hallway. Sunset closed the door behind her.
She somehow always forgot: when it’s most important to be careful, that’s when it’s hardest to be careful. She especially should have known here, right? This all started from a random text sent right after the whole Red Truth debacle. She had tried to be light and friendly to a person removed from everything, just a random friend from back home, but Wallflower somehow suspected she might be upset, and it was a tiny gesture but wow it had sparked something not tiny at all for Sunset.
But. Here she was, not being careful at all with someone she could hurt, again.
She walked over to her phone and picked it up. “Hey, Juicy.”
brmmp
“How many times did I lie to Flash Sentry?”
The phone was silent for a moment, either processing the answer or mimicking thoughtfulness.
Sunset Shimmer lied to Flash Sentry one hundred and twenty-four times.
Sunset frowned. That was actually lower than she’d been expecting; they had dated for several months, after all, and that was the absolute peak of her Lying Years. “Hey, Juicy?”
brrmp
“How many times did I make Pinkie cry last summer?”
Sunset Shimmer made Pinkamena Pie cry four times last summer.
That one was a little more on-the-mark. Only a real monster would make Pinkie cry, especially that many times. She wasn’t a monster-monster; she knew that. Just a little monstery. Monstery enough where it was useful to remember it, sometimes. “Hey, Juicy.”
brrmp
“How long after I’d decided to break up with Red did I actually do it?”
Sunset Shimmer broke up with Red Truth four weeks and one day after she had already decided to end things.
Right. Red was a sensitive guy, which was part of why he was so popular with the girls around the department. Sunset knew that. She even respected it. Even without her geode, she had always been good at reading people.
And it’s why she should have known better, should have been more careful. She got smug and careless. Every time she thought of herself as someone who could be trusted, things went wrong. She just had to keep herself from forgetting that.
Luckily, she had an app that was really useful, there.
“Uhhm, wait. Wait.” Derpy squinted in thought. “Sunset has the same magic app? Ummmmm… you know that can’t be a coincidence, right?”
“Maybe not, but who even knows how pony magic works? It’s probably something you’d have to be Twilight Sparkle to explain." Wallflower poked at the dirt of Trixie's parents' yard, equally anxious and annoyed. "But what I'm saying is, Sunset is using it wrong. She’s using it just to make herself feel bad, when she shouldn’t!”
“Rrrrriiiiight,” Derpy said hesitantly, wringing her hands. “Uhhhmmmm. I’ve just been thinking about it, and it really seems like that app might be…. um…. evil? Sorta?”
“Duh, of course it’s evil,” Trixie said, sipping the iced coffee she had definitely not offered to either of her guests when they came over. “But whatever, you know? Evil things can be good.”
“See, but, no they can’t…”
“It’s just facts,” Wallflower interrupted.
It annoyed her more than she wanted to admit to hear Juicy called evil. She had been using it a lot. Losing sleep over it, actually. Often the same questions over and over, the same ways she was objectively pathetic. “Facts aren’t good or evil, they just are.”
“But. Well.” Derpy scratched the back of her head in confusion. “Then how could Sunset be using the app wrong?”
“Because…” Wallflower trailed off, realizing she had no clue how to answer that question. “Because Sunset shouldn’t feel bad. She’s a really good person, right?”
“Yyyyyeah? But… the way you’re using it…”
“I’m using it because I’m actually bad!” Wallflower snapped.
Derpy blinked at her. “Um. But. I don't think you're bad."
"Well, you're wrong." Wallflower vaguely realized her voice was harsh and bitter, and Derpy stepped back, looking almost afraid. "You're blind and wrong. If you like hanging out with a loser like me, maybe that says something about you, doesn't it?"
"...Oh." Derpy laughed nervously and awkwardly, apparently not knowing what to say. Behind her, Trixie looked, of all things, concerned.
"Gagh, this isn't even..." Wallflower sighed angrily; their insistence on missing the point had derailed things enough. “Look. I have all these ideas in my head about Sunset, and I shouldn’t. I keep almost forgetting she’s too good for me! In fact…” She pulled out her phone. “Hey, Juicy?”
brrmp
“Is Sunset too good for me?”
Sunset Shimmer is too good for Wallflower Blush.
“See?” Wallflower’s voice was getting loud, which was so satisfying, she barely noticed a couple of tears had slipped out of her eyes. “I’m just dumb and I’m just ugly, and I’ll keep using this thing until I can get it through my dumb, ugly skull!”
She absolutely had been yelling by the end of that, and she was definitely outright crying. Without waiting for anything else, she stomped out of Trixie’s parents’ yard.
Sunset had been using Juicy a lot. She’d been losing sleep over it, in fact. She wasn’t a low self-esteem person by nature (another way to say she ‘was a total narcissist’) so she had to keep training with it. Reminding herself of who she’d hurt and how badly. Remind herself of important things.
So it took a few days, but she was ready. Ready to do what she needed to do.
She knew she shouldn’t have been doing this in the Sweet Shoppe. She shouldn’t have been doing it in public at all, but something about the presence of onlookers, even if they didn’t know what she was doing, kept her motivated. This sucked. But it was necessary.
“You’ve been really wonderful,” the text said. “I looked forward to our texts every day, over the past month, and after I came back, all I’ve wanted to do is see you. But”
She backed up. That was way too much. The point was making this easy for Wallflower, not lingering over everything that would be great about them being together.
“Hey, Sunsetttttt!!” And right there, that was the main reason she shouldn’t be doing this in the Sweet Shoppe. Pinkie swooped down upon her, huge grin first. “Texting?!” Her grin turned sly. “Texting Walllllllflower?”
“No.” Sunset’s voice was harsh, which made Pinkie pull back in surprise and dismay. “I mean. Yeah. Actually.”
“Oh. Things not going well?”
“That’s not really…” Sunset trailed off, realizing the place was empty except for the two of them. “Ah, damn,” she muttered, glancing at her watch. “Did I stay past the time you close again? I’m sorry, Pinkie.”
“No way, I like it when I get to hang out with one of my friends after closing! Otherwise it’s just me and the cleaning supplies, and they’re great at what they do but not so awesome at conversation.”
Sunset wasn’t sure what to say.
Pinkie took a step back, frowning. “I was trying to be all silly because you looked sad, and…” She trailed off.
“What.”
Pinkie literally winced at Sunset’s tone, which immediately made Sunset feel twice as bad, which she hadn’t thought was possible. “What are you trying to say, Pinkie?”
“The girls are worried about you. I talked to Applejack, and she said you were kind of a meanie to her yesterday.”
Yes, she had totally snapped at Applejack when she had run into her. It had been completely unfair, but Applejack had been trying to compliment her, and Sunset very much did not want to be complimented. “Pinkie, you can drink legally. Don’t say ‘meanie.’”
“Oh. Um. Okay.”
Aaaaand she was doing it again, of course, just moreso. Punishing her friends for trying to be nice.
“It’s just, you’re not acting like yourself. And um. Either you’re dating Wallflower, or you want to be dating her, and so maybe. I just thought if things weren’t going well there, that was why you were unhappy.”
Sunset grunted in frustration. “That’s not even the right question. It doesn’t matter if they’re going well. They shouldn’t be going at all.”
Pinkie blinked, looking utterly confused. “Whyyyy… not?”
“Because Wallflower shouldn’t have to be with someone who… someone like me. Someone who’d hurt everyone.”
Pinkie didn’t say anything for what felt like forever. Eventually, wringing her hands, she asked miserably, “Do…I have anything to do with this? Is this at all about last year?”
“No! Why would you think that?”
“Because. Because I should have told you how I felt instead of leading you on, and things have been weird, and we barely even ever talked about it.”
“No, Pinkie…” Sunset sighed, exasperated. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who always messes up. That’s the point. I always end up hurting the people I love, and I somehow just forget.”
“Sunset, you didn’t hurt me! And you won’t hurt Wallflower! I just felt so sad I couldn’t make you happy like you wanted, and…”
“Not everything is about you, Pinkie! God!”
Pinkie stared at her, eyes huge and watery. “I know. I just thought… well. Never mind.”
She sniffled, then turned and walked towards the kitchen. “Um. Hey!” She turned back, a grotesque parody of a smile on her face. “Hey, I’m super-sorry, Sunset, but we’re closed, now. Could you go so I can start cleaning up?”
Sunset knew this wasn’t okay. As she gathered her things and stepped out into the night, she completely knew that yes, she had made herself feel appropriately guilty and bad, but it had been at the expense of Pinkie’s feelings and that was completely not okay.
She quickly fumbled into her pocket and pulled out her phone. “Hey, Juicy.”
brrmp
“Am I the world’s biggest bitch, or what?”
“Bitch” is a 1997 song by singer-songwriter Meredith Broncs.
“Gaaaghhhh!” Sunset let out a loud cry of frustration. A passing stranger gave her a judgmental look. Appropriately.
Maybe going into The Sweet Shoppe was the right move after all. She probably hadn’t felt bad enough to actually write and send the text; she hadn’t really believed she was gross enough to have to. But now, she knew.
Wallflower had written about thirty different versions of the text by the time Sunset’s arrived. It was pretty much the same message she’d been trying to pass on, but, of course, much better-written than anything Wallflower could come up with.
“Please don’t think I don’t care about you,”the text said,“I really, really do. But I don’t think we should keep hanging out.”
It was for the best, she reminded herself. It was what she’d wanted, too; Sunset was just strong enough to actually press send. This was the only thing to do to keep everyone from feeling bad.
She was already sobbing.
Things were totally awkward when Wallflower saw her friends the next morning. That was of course their fault for not understanding why Wallflower had to do the things she did. But she still felt bad.
She also felt bad because she’d cried for a billion hours the night before, and then spent the rest of the time asking Juicy for more reasons to cry.
When she first showed up, she had tried to smooth things over to Derpy. “All that stuff we were arguing about last time is settled,” she’d said. “Sunset said we shouldn’t hang out any more. She accepted I’m too ugly and dumb. So it’s over, and we don’t have anything to fight about, right? We can just garden?”
Derpy hadn’t said anything in reply. Wallflower figured it was what she deserved.
They gardened (and, in Trixie’s case, lounged) for half an hour. It wasn’t actually that bad. Hanging out in this nice, suburban front yard, feeling both the warm sun and the cool dirt. Except for all the awful stuff, mornings didn’t get better than this.
Derpy finished up her row of flowers, stood, and regarded them critically. After a moment, she nodded to herself, took a deep breath, and turned to Wallflower. “All right, I’ve built up the courage!”
“Freakin’ finally,” Trixie said.
“Uhm?” Wallflower raised an eyebrow, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“This!” Trixie announced, posing, “Is an intervention!!”
Wallflower’s eyes narrowed. “What.”
Derpy glared over at Trixie. “You said you weren’t going to be dramatic about it.”
“That doesn’t sound like me.”
“What!” Wallflower grunted. “Wait, are you serious? You think I’m on drugs?!”
“No. It’s for Juicy.”
Wallflower’s hand flew to her pocket; she grabbed her phone and held it to her chest. “What?”
“You’re using it to make yourself feel bad,” Derpy said. “It’s not healthy.”
“This is ridiculous!” Wallflower snapped. “I’m only feeling bad in, like, specifically just the healthy ways! Don’t be stupid!”
Derpy shut her mouth tightly. “Please don’t call me stupid,” she said after a moment.
Wallflower glowered down at the ground. “Okay. Sorry. But I don’t need an intervention for my phone app. It just tells me things I need to know. Objective. Facts.”
“Oh, please,” Trixie grunted dismissively. “If you’re all worried about being objectively correct, or whatever, why’re you making such a big deal about Sunset? Yeah, she’s hot, fine, but come on. She’s no Roseluck, or anyone.”
Wallflower gaped, then shook her head. “What are you… Gah, Sunset is more attractive than Roseluck, anyway, but… but I’d do the same for anyone! I wouldn’t want to go around thinking Roseluck would like me, either!”
“Uhhm.” Derpy wiggled her fingers awkwardly. “Roseluck… did… like you?”
Wallflower almost dropped her phone. She couldn’t think of a response; she was too addled trying to figure out why Derpy would say such a thing.
“Like. All of senior year. And then you hooked up, and… well, she thought you rejected her. You apparently didn’t even know she was interested.”
“This is insane,” Wallflower growled. “You… look, I know you’re not dumb, but you somehow misunderstood things.”
“Hey, Juicy,” Trixie said, “Did Roseluck like Wallflower?”
I’m sorry, I don’t understand your question.
“Mm-hmm.” Trixie put her hands on her hips, smirking. “Isn’t that convenient. I bet it does this all the time, right? It just won’t ‘understand a question’ if the answer isn’t something that would make you feel bad about yourself.”
“Listen.” Wallflower glared. “It’s just objective facts. That’s all that’s important.”
“Give me a thousand breaks. If it was objective facts, you’d be into Roseluck instead of Sunset, anyway. Or, um.” Trixie spread her arms. “Hello?”
Wallflower looked at Trixie, then at Derpy, then back at Trixie. “....Hello what?”
“Um, right here? I’m obviously the most gorgeous person you know, but you’re into Sunset. Objective facts aren’t everything.”
Again, Wallflower glanced at Derpy, then back to Trixie.
“Oh, come on!” Trixie snapped. “Hey, Juicy?”
brrmp
“How much hotter is Trixie than Sunset?”
Trixie Lulamoon is negative twelve percent hotter than Sunset Shimmer.
Trixie started to speak, then stopped. “Oh, well, here’s your problem,” she said eventually, glancing over at Wallflower. “Your damn phone is a damn liar.”
“My phone is not a liar!”
Wallflower Blush’s phone is not a liar.
“See?!”
“Oh, well, if the obviously lying phone says so, then sure.” Trixie rolled her eyes magnificently. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Uh hey?” Derpy spoke up, raising her index finger in the air in a mostly vain attempt to get attention, “you didn’t ask it a question just now, and it spoke up on its own. I reaaaaaaally think it might be evil.”
“It just. Tells. The truth.” Wallflower hugged the phone to her chest protectively. “Just because it’s not what I want to hear, that doesn’t mean I should just ignore it!”
“What does that even mean, though?” Derpy asked, scratching her head. “‘More attractive’ according to who? Meaning what?”
“It… look, don’t overcomplicate this!” Wallflower growled. “It’s just the truth!”
“Yeah, but…” Derpy looked around vaguely, confused. “Hey, Juicy? What does it even mean that you say someone’s more attractive than someone else?”
brmmp
Uh.
Wallflower blinked. Juicy had just actually said ‘uh.’
It regained its neutral tone as it continued, though: Trixie Lulamoon is found to be attractive by an average of twelve percent fewer potential partners than Sunset Shimmer.
“Liar!” Trixie snapped.
I am not a liar.
“It’s not a liar!” Wallflower confirmed. She could be nicely certain of that compared to everything Derpy was saying, so that was nice.
“But… wait, but ‘potential partners?’” Derpy argued, starting to look pretty annoyed. “What makes someone a potential partner? And what does ‘found to be attractive’ mean? Is there some threshold? If someone likes me but then my eye goes weird and they stop, would that count?”
I’m sorry, I don’t understand your…
“Wait, and hold on, ‘an average of twelve percent?!’” Derpy was yelling at the phone, now. “I’ve just taken one stats class, and even I know you can’t average percentages!”
I’m sorry, I…
“And what are the percents even of?! Why do you even have different percentages to average in the first place?! Graagh, this is making less and less sense the more I think about it!”
“That’s because you’re ignoring the important part!” Wallflower insisted. She stood in front of her friends, feeling very very sure of herself. “You’re just talking about all this peripheral stuff that doesn’t even matter, and…”
Trixie interrupted Wallflower by grabbing the phone out of her hands and throwing it into the street, where it was immediately run over by a truck.
No one moved for what felt like an extremely long time. The wreckage of Wallflower’s phone kept getting run over by cars.
For a few more seconds, no one moved.
Finally, Wallflower turned to Trixie, mouth hanging open in gobsmacked horror. “....What!” she barked.
Trixie raised an eyebrow at her. “What what?”
Wallflower waved her hands around ineffectually, somehow gathering the wherewithal to finish her question. “...What did you just do?!”
“I just made your problem…” Trixie waved her fingers around mysteriously, “...disappear.”
“How could you! What! But!” Expressing frustration to Trixie was not usually a difficult thing to do, but Wallflower was having a hard time with it, all of a sudden. The world shifted, and a second later she realized her knees had buckled, and Derpy was holding her up. “Uh?”
Derpy guided her down to a seated position. It felt like Wallflower’s brain was trying to escape through both ears.
“Are you okay, hon?” Derpy’s voice was kind, which helped.
“I’m…” Wallflower took a deep breath, then forced open her eyes. “No. Yes?”
“I’m sorry I got so mad. I really can’t stand it when people say someone just ‘is ugly’ or ‘is dumb.’ It doesn’t do anything but make people feel bad.”
“That was the point.”
“The point was hurting you. But. Ummmm.” Derpy glowered. “It was also hurting me, and I don’t think you realized that.”
“And me!” Trixie snapped huffily. “You’re not the one the stupid liar phone told a bunch of lying lies about!”
“I’m sorry,” Wallflower said, mostly to Derpy. “Uh. Wow. Yeah, okay. My head is killing me. I wanted what it was selling, but it totally had me zonked, too.”
She suddenly realized how enormously tense her entire body was, and how it'd been that way for days. "...Why did I want it so much? The magic made me keep wanting it, but why was I so desperate to feel bad?"
Derpy smiled sadly, one eye kind and gentle. "I think sometimes it's way scarier to think people aren't looking down on you?" Her other eye drifted. "Because. Then if they are, you at least aren't dumb for getting your hopes up."
Even though she was sprawled out in Derpy's lap, Wallflower somehow collapsed upwards into a full embrace. Either affectionate or simply tired of being ignored, Trixie wrapped her arms around both of them. They just sat there for a little while.
When Derpy pulled away, she looked firm and strong again. “Are you okay, hon? Do you want to lie down?”
“No.” Wallflower took a deep breath, then forced herself to a standing position. “Sunset’s got one of these, too. We have to help her. Let me just…” She reached to her pants pocket, felt nothing inside it, and sighed. “Right. Actually, could someone else text her to find out where she is?”
“Don’t need to!” Trixie asserted. “Because this was actually just half an intervention!”
Derpy nodded. “Pinkie called me last night. You aren’t the only one who needed help.”
Rarity and Applejack hadn’t said much all morning, and Sunset felt sour about it. They had tried to talk to her about Wallflower, which was the absolute worst thing they could have done, but they acted like she was being weird, and then she just felt like a jerk.
“Are you saying she isn’t attracted to you?” Rarity asked.
“No. Look. It’s settled. Okay? We’re not going to hang out any more. It’s done.”
Of course they didn’t get it; they were just both equally good people, perfectly matched. She felt intensely sad all of a sudden: she might be able to have something like that with Wallflower if only she wasn’t… her.
“Look,” she grunted, “Why’d you want me to come over to the farm and just sit around outside? I was up really late last night” (crying) “and I didn’t really want to get up early.”
Rarity cleared her throat. “Well. We were wondering if we could speak with you about a... substantial matter."
Sunset sighed. “Is this about Pinkie?”
“Not precisely.” She glanced at Applejack, both clearly uncomfortable, but they were rescued by a shrill voice rolling over the fields.
“Don’t worry!!” it called. “Trixie is here!” And yes, Trixie bounded up to them from seemingly out of nowhere,
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Huh. So she is.” She stood up and waved. “Y’all are done already?”
Sunset realized Trixie wasn’t alone, and with dread, she saw who was with her.
“Trixie found a way to finish things up quickly,” Wallflower said. She was just standing there, shy, but with Derpy behind her, supportive hand on her shoulder, she looked strong and certain, too.
Rarity walked up to stand beside her girlfriend. “Well, now I’m embarrassed. We hadn’t even really started yet.”
“Started what?” Sunset grunted. “What is going on?”
“It’s an intervention!” Trixie declared, somehow trilling the r. “We’re here to help you!”
“It’s for Juicy,” Wallflower clarified. “You need to get rid of it.”
“Wait.” Sunset felt the urge to slap her own forehead, but she didn’t. “Wait. You arranged an intervention for an app?!”
“It’s not just an app,” Wallflower explained. “It’s Equestrian magic. Come on, Sunset, you have to know it is.”
“I don’t…” The denial died in her throat. She sighed. “Okay. Yes. But it’s not bad.”
“We shoulda guessed it was magic pony stuff, with you acting so unlike yourself,” Applejack muttered. “Pinkie figured it out last night, and then she talked with Derpy, and everything came together.”
Sunset squeezed her fist tightly. “You’ve all been talking about me behind my back?”
“Yes, we absolutely have,” Rarity answered. “Because every time we’ve tried to talk to you, you clam up.”
“But I can't talk to you about this! You would just want me to go date Wallflower and be happy, or whatever."
“Yep," Applejack replied, "you nailed it.”
“Agggh!” Sunset groaned, shaking her head. “Look. It’s not a big deal!” She grabbed her phone from her pocket and waved it around. “It’s just an app. It just keeps me from forgetting stuff I should be remembering.”
“But it’s hurting you.” Wallflower’s voice was soft, a little scared. “Right?”
“I’m just using it to protect you!” Sunset insisted. “I’m really good at pretending to be a good person, but I can’t do that when it’s important!”
“Pretending to…” Rarity and Applejack shared a look. “Sunset, you’ve proven yourself more than enough times.”
Sunset shook her head firmly. “No. Look, I’ll prove it. Hey, Juicy.”
brrmp
“How many promises have I broken?”
Sunset Shimmer has broken one hundred fifty-five promises.
“See?”
“No, this is the trick,” Wallflower said. “Hey, Juicy, how much more or less is that than the average person Sunset’s age?”
I’m sorry, I don’t understand your question.
“I had that app too, Sunset. And that’s how it works. It’ll only answer questions that confirm what you already think, and it twists how it talks about them.”
“You had…” Sunset stepped forward, suddenly alarmed. "Wait, you weren't using it to feel bad about yourself, were you?"
Applejack put her hands on her hips, glowering. "Seriously, Sunset?"
Sunset glowered back. "Wallflower's just an amazing person, and she beats herself up too much!"
"Seriously, Sunset?? It's affecting you so strongly, you don't even realize how you're using it?"
"Affecting me? Why..." Sunset trailed off, then shook her head as if shaking off a distraction. “No, look, come on, that doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s making a lot of sense to me,” Applejack replied. “I really shoulda known something was weird, from the way you’ve been acting.”
“You’re not listening!” Sunset snapped, face starting to burn with frustration. “What about Flash?” She held up her phone smartly. “Thanks to this, I know exactly how long I led him on. Six months, one week, and two days.”
Applejack threw her arms up in the air. “Why would you even…”
“Flash is fine,” Rarity cut in hesitantly. “Flash is dating a different model every time I see him. ...Actually, if anything, he’s been getting a little cocky.”
Sunset could not believe her friends’ continued ability to miss the point. “I… look, this guy in my program last year was really into me, and I dated him for two months, even though I knew I wasn’t that attracted to him. I thought I could, like, learn to like him, but it kept not working out.”
“...Is that how it is for me?” Wallflower asked softly. Sunset didn’t answer, so she continued, louder: “You don’t really like me, but you, um, know I like you, and that’s a problem?”
“No, that’s not what I mean!” Sunset promised. “I just wasn’t careful. He was such a sweet guy, and he was really upset about everything, and…”
“Sunset, please.” Rarity reached out a hand, but did not look confident enough to actually touch her fingers to her friend’s arm. “Sometimes relationships don’t work out. Are you so determined to beat yourself up about it?”
“Ugh,” Applejack grunted, “and do you not even remember how we’re best friends, and you told us all about this as it was going on? In detail?”
Sunset frowned. “I… yeah.”
“Including how nice you were to him about everything?”
“Um.”
“And about how he got a new girlfriend a month later, and you even bought him a beer to celebrate?” Applejack glared sternly. “Were you lying about that back then, or are you lying to yourself now, to keep feeling bad?”
“...No, but…” Sunset glanced over at Wallflower, face sloshed with shame. “...but what about Pinkie, too? I hurt Pinkie, and…”
“Pinkie is sad because she thinks you’re sad,” Rarity ventured. “She only wishes you’d talk to her, and I hope you will, too. But that’s the only thing anyone cares about.”
“...It’s the app,” Wallflower said quietly. “It’s twisting the ways you think about things.”
“It’s not doing anything like that,” Sunset said, trying to ignore the calmness that just automatically came when she heard Wallflower’s voice. “It just knows things. It just tells the truth.”
“Ha!” Trixie grunted, but Sunset successfully ignored it.
“It’s… Applejack, come on, help me explain it, okay?” Sunset turned to her friend, who looked back stoically. “It’s just forcing me to be honest with myself. You of all people should be in favor of that.”
“Don’t put those words in my mouth, there,” Applejack replied testily. “I ain’t in favor of anything that hurts my friend like that.”
“That’s because you don’t know…”
“Nuh uh. In fact…” Applejack walked forward and grabbed Sunset’s phone. “Gimme that.” She pulled, without super-strength but still almost enough to grasp it away.
Sunset felt herself almost panic; she’d have to do it. She’d have to. She hadn't realized before she started using Juicy, but she had huge 'Sunset is a terrible person' bombs she could drop for a wide variety of combinations of her friends, just in case she ever needed to convince any of them. This was Rarity and Applejack's. She'd have to use it.
“I was going to out you.”
Applejack froze, still holding on to the phone but not trying to pull it away any more. “What, now?”
“Back in high school. I had a whole, big plan.” Sunset yanked her phone away. This wasn’t something she’d told them about, where they’d already drawn some wrong conclusion about things. This was clear-cut. “If you hadn’t stopped talking to Rainbow, I was going to lead you on and have someone take pictures of us and... leak them. It was how I was going to get rid of you.”
This wasn’t something Wallflower knew, either. But Sunset was almost glad she was there. She glanced up at Applejack. Maybe she’d get punched in the face.
But Applejack didn’t seem very upset. Sunset looked at Rarity, who also didn’t look upset. They must not have believed her. “It’s true!” Sunset insisted.
“Sunset…”
“I’ll prove it!” Sunset interrupted, almost frantic. “Hey, Juicy? Did I plan to out Applejack in high school?”
“No, Sugarcube…”
Sunset Shimmer planned to out Applejac...
Applejack glared at the phone. “For pete’s sake, shut up!” Juicy fell silent, and Applejack sighed. “Sunset. Why are you telling me this as if I didn’t know you used to be meaner than you are now?”
Sunset held her phone to her chest possessively. “That’s… look, you knew I was mean, but outing you crosses a line. Right? Why aren’t you mad?”
“Ohh, I’m getting mad,” Applejack confirmed, rolling her eyes in exasperation. “Lord sakes, Sunset, I stopped trusting you like a year before that, and I was already out to everyone who mattered, anyway. You didn’t do it, you couldn’t have done it, and it wouldn’t have mattered if you did.”
“How can you…” Sunset waved her hands around in bewildered frustration, noticing for the first time her cheeks were wet. “That was supposed to work! How can you just…”
“Sunset!” Wallflower’s voice wasn’t shy and hesitant any more. “Sunset. Stop. Just…” She actually did take that extra step forward, and Sunset felt her cool fingers on her arm, surprisingly solid. “Your friends are too nice, and Juicy is too mean. Can we just talk? Just us.”
Sunset squeezed her phone tightly and just stared at Wallflower. She couldn’t think of any way to react, because this whole discussion was just so frustrating and also because Wallflower being all assertive was enormously distracting.
“Please?” Wallflower asked, tracing her fingertips down Sunset’s arm to softly but firmly grasp her hand. She looked over at Applejack, frowning. “Is there anywhere…”
“If you don’t mind hanging out in a barn, it’s nice and private.” Applejack indicated the nearby structure, which was actually completely charming and rustic, with a tip of her head. “But Sunset’s gotta hand over her phone.”
She found herself squeezing it even tighter upon hearing that, but Wallflower’s gaze was even firmer. “Sunset? You’ll get it back. Let’s just talk.”
So, she passed it over to Rarity, and she wasn’t sure if the immediately subsequent daze was magical or just the result of noticing Wallflower was actually pretty strong as she pulled her along down the dirt path and into the nearby barn. Wallflower had always been sinewy under her bulky clothes, but Sunset had never actually felt that strength demonstrated on her. Even if it was just fingers around her hand, it was overwhelming.
But once they actually got into the barn, Wallflower shrank again. She let go of Sunset and stood, facing away, shy and uncertain. “Um,” she said eventually, “what happens to magic once it stops enchanting something? You know all about that stuff, right? Where does it go?”
Even at her best, Sunset barely knew the answer to a question like that; not outside of Equestria where the rules had always been all weird. So she didn’t answer.
Wallflower hunched her shoulders. “I think it’s the memory stone,” she said. “I think it’s the same magic, and it found me because. Um. Because I wanted it again. Except I wanted it to do the opposite, this time. And then it spread to you, because you wanted it, too.”
“The… opposite?” Sunset hugged her arms to herself, feeling shivery. “What?”
“Because the point wasn’t ever forgetting,” Wallflower grunted. “The problem’s solved either way. If you don’t know anything, or if you know everything, then either way you don’t have to worry about it.”
She turned and very hesitantly took a step forward. “You, um. Everything you’ve been thinking is totally stupid.” Sunset must have looked offended at that, because Wallflower flinched, but it wasn’t enough to stop her. “You’re making it so you’re the villain no matter what. This dumb guy from college likes you and you don’t like him? You’re awful for rejecting him. You like Pinkie and she doesn’t like you? You’re awful for making her have to reject you. See?”
“You don’t…” Sunset paused, suddenly realizing she had a splitting headache. “You don’t get it, Wally, you…”
“I do get it!” Wallflower insisted. “I was doing the same thing, just a different way! I was using Juicy to tell me all the reasons why you’re too cool and beautiful and smart for me. But like, you shouldn’t… I mean. It’s not healthy for us to start something if I can’t believe you’d ever really like me.”
“I do like you,” Sunset said, without even thinking about it. “I really do.”
“Grph.” Wallflower paused, cheeks scarlet. She pressed both palms into her face and took a deep breath, then looked back up to Sunset. “Sorry. That was just.” She shook her head quickly. “Anyway, um… I don’t know you’re not lying about that.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Okay, but I can’t know that. Not for sure. But that’s gotta be okay, right? Because the alternative is just assuming you are lying, and god, that was so seductive. Almost as seductive as you, believe it or not.”
Sunset wanted to say “I wouldn’t lie to you about that!” but she totally would, right? Juicy could list a jillion people she’d lied to about stuff like that. But she knew better now. Except she didn’t. Or something.
Her thoughts weren’t making a lot of sense. The realization that this actually really did feel a lot like the effects of enchantment was the only one staying solid in all the confusion.
“But we can’t start something either unless you, uh.” Wallflower’s arms suddenly were around her, which didn’t help the addled feeling. “Sorry. You just looked really shaky. ...This is okay, right?”
“Yeah.” It was absolutely 100% okay, and even though some parts of her were trying to remind her this was dangerous territory, nothing changed. Being embraced by Wallflower Blush was very much okay.
Wallflower just held her for a few seconds, then she spoke up again. “I really do get it. If you’re just going to hurt me no matter what, then that sucks, but at least you don’t have to feel uncertain. You can just know.” She paused; she might have been tearing up. “But. Um. But that’s not fair. Because you’re just assuming you’re the one with all the power. And I can’t…” She coughed uncomfortably, but she kept going: “I can’t have a relationship if the person sees things as so unbalanced.”
Sunset wrapped her own arms around Wallflower, returning the embrace. She didn’t feel shivery anymore. “The magic was trying to help us, I think,” Wallflower was saying. “But what we wanted wasn’t right.”
“That’s…” Sunset paused, then sighed. “...Give me a second. I’m starting to be able to think again, but the only thought I’m capable of is ‘this hug is real nice.’”
“Grmph.” She was probably blushing and it was probably adorable.
Sunset was quiet for a long time, but soon she was ready. “It’s hard,” she admitted finally.
“I know.”
“I spent so long hurting people on purpose, you know? I feel like it’s this big responsibility I have to keep from ever doing that again, even by accident.”
“Yeah.” Wallflower sighed. “Sometimes I feel really small. And it’s arrogant to think anyone would even notice me.”
“Yeah.” Sunset squeezed, then regretfully pulled back, leaving her hands on Wallflower’s shoulders. “I like you. It’s your decision what you do about that. I wouldn’t want to try to make it for you.”
Wallflower looked dazed, but she also somehow kind of looked like an amazon warrior. “I want to be with you. If that makes sense to you, then I wouldn’t want to tell you that you don’t understand your own feelings.”
Sunset pressed her forehead against Wallflower’s and laughed gently. “This is, like, perfect kissing moment,” she said. “But I am way too magic-zonked.”
“Don’t worry,” Wallflower promised. “I’ll make sure we have plenty of perfect kissing moments.”
“Um, okay. See…” Sunset’s hand cupped Wallflower’s cheek, marveling. “See, you are way too good at that. I have to go apologize to a bunch of friends and then nap for a million hours, and you’re saying sexy things like that?”
“How about just one kiss?” Wallflower offered, hand gently touching Sunset’s side. “Just quick.”
“Yeah. Just one. Just a smooch.”
Fifteen minutes later, they walked out of the barn, holding hands. Everyone was sitting around drinking iced tea Granny Smith had probably brought out, looking totally comfortable. “So, she’s bi?” Trixie asked.
Derpy nodded. “I think so.”
“You know what this means. Road trip to Manehattan! Who’s in?”
“Uh, hi,” Sunset interrupted. Everyone looked at them, not a single speck of surprise on any of their faces.
“Oh, hello, darling,” Rarity replied smoothly. “Is everything better?”
“Yeah.” Sunset couldn’t help smiling. “Way better.”
“Hey, Wallflower,” Derpy called, looking absolutely delighted. “Introduce me to your new girlfriend!”
“Don’t tease me,” Wallflower snapped, blushing but smiling. Derpy just grinned back.
Sunset shrugged. Apparently this just wasn’t going to be a thing. After a squeeze, she let go of Wallflower’s hand and walked up to Applejack and Rarity. “I’m really sorry I was arguing with you guys like that,” she said. “You were just trying to help, and I wasn’t letting you.”
Applejack nodded. “It’s all right, sugarcube. You can pay us back by just giving yourself a break sometimes.”
“Now, well, hold on,” Rarity spoke up. “She can pay us back by giving herself a break sometimes… and by agreeing to go on the double dates I have planned!”
“Rares.” Applejack sighed, not looking the slightest bit upset.
“Double dates are the new brunch,” Rarity insisted. “They’re very urbane and chic!”
“That’s…” Sunset trailed off. She had looked at the picnic table they were all sitting at, and she noticed plastic scraps and electronic detritus strewn on it. “...Wait. Is that my phone?”
“Oh yeah,” Derpy said, smiling blithely. “Trixie smashed your phone with a hammer.”
“You’re welcome,” Trixie added.
Sunset blinked. “Where did she even get a hammer?”
“It was…” Trixie waved her fingers around mysteriously, “...magic.”
Sunset stared at her. Then she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.
Wallflower spoke up. “Double dates would be fun.”
Sunset nodded. She was too tired to do much else.
Sunset left her motorcycle at the farm; going back to get it later was a small price to pay if it meant she could rest her hand on Wallflower’s thigh while she drove.
“Our friends love us,” Wallflower mused, after just driving in silence for a few minutes.
“Yep. It’s great, isn’t it?”
“It really is.” More silence, comfortable, easy.
Finally, Wallflower spoke up again. “What do you want to do for the rest of the day?”
“Well, I am not getting any work done,” Sunset replied, glancing at her watch. “So first thing: naps.”
“Naps for sure,” Wallflower agreed.
“Then… yeesh, I really should talk to Pinkie, but I don’t think that’ll take long. So. Um. Tonight...”
Wallflower choked slightly. “Mm-hmm?”
“Tonight can be our first actual date. I guess.”
“We’ve been dating for two weeks. We just had to use magic to lie to ourselves about it.”
Sunset coughed. But she was smiling, too.
Wallflower grinned. “What do you want to do?”
“Huh.” Sunset paused, frowning. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know, either.”
Neither of them said anything.
“Let’s just wing it,” Sunset decided finally.
“Okay.” Wallflower briefly reached down to her lap to squeeze Sunset’s hand. “Sounds good to me.”
