I Have A Penis?!? WHAT?!?!

by Kuromi Blue

Rating: mature
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Romance, Fluttershy, Sex, Profanity, Discord, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2383

The morning seemed like any other - until it wasn't.

A year after rescuing Twilight Sparkle and her friends from Queen Chrysalis, Starlight Glimmer is awoken in the early hours of the morning by her marefriend Kyra's terrified screams. Upon investigation, she finds out that Kyra - for some inexplicable reason - has suddenly sprouted a penis. Things quickly escalate hilariously after that, as the two try to figure out what could possibly be behind this phallic phenomenon.

Published 2021-04-16 01:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-05-10 03:23:27 UTC

What the Hell?!?

It seemed the morning began like any other. Kyra woke early as she always had, pausing before getting up to kiss her marefriend Starlight's forehead, before walking off to the bathroom, rumbling a sleepy yawn as she did so. Walking over to the shower, Kyra turned the knobs until the water was at the right temperature, before quickly stepping inside, sighing as she felt the warm water strike her fur.

Shortly after finishing with shampooing and rinsing her mane, Kyra reached for her coat soap, being sure to cover her forelegs and shoulders before gradually moving down. Here she stopped, eyes opening in surprise, as her hooves came into contact with something down south that had most definitely not been there the night before. No sooner had she glanced down, that a terrified shriek pierced the morning air - so loud that the ponies outside on their morning commute paused momentarily with expressions of confusion and concern. The sound woke Starlight with a start, and she quickly scrambled out of bed, darting into the bathroom with a worried look on her face - duvet still tangled comically around her.

"Kyra?" she said. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Ah! It's nothing!" Kyra said behind the curtain. Sweet mother of Celestia, I can't let her see me like this! she thought. "I- I just thought I saw a bug or something! I'm perfectly fine, I swear!"

On the other side of the curtain, Starlight rolled her eyes in exasperation. Okay, so she doesn't want to tell me the truth. Fine. In the next instant, she'd pulled the shower curtain aside, causing Kyra to flinch in surprise.

"Starlight!"

Starlight payed no attention. Ignoring Kyra's splutter, her eyes darted around the shower before settling suspiciously on her marefriend's flustered face. Kyra's blue eyes were wide, and her face was stained a brilliant shade of pink. Her ears were pinned back against her skull, clearly embarrassed at the situation she found herself in. Frozen, she dared not say a word as Starlight's eyes moved down her body, pupils shrinking in bewilderment as she spotted the reason for Kyra's dismay. For a few moments Starlight stared blankly at it, before quietly saying "You... have a penis."

Kyra rolled her eyes, letting out an annoyed huff of air through her nostrils. The awkwardness of the situation and Starlight's statement of the obvious not helping in the slightest.

"No shit, Sherlock!" she said. "And for Faust's sake, will you quit staring at it already!"

"Oh, sorry!" Starlight answered, her eyes snapping back to her marefriend's irritable expression. "Um... I'll let you get back to your shower now. After that, we should try and get to the bottom of what's caused this."

"Right," Kyra said. "I should be done soon."

Pulling the shower curtain closed again, Starlight made her way out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Walking into the living room, she sat down on the couch, feeling stunned and more than a little confused. How in Equestria was something like this even possible? Obviously, mares didn't just go around inexplicably growing penises overnight. There had to be an explanation for this, somehow.

It was right about then, as Starlight sat puzzling over the current predicament, that she remembered a conversation that had transpired the day before. While out for lunch at their favorite restaurant and Kyra had been discussing the possibility of having a foal of their own, with the general idea between the pair of them being it might be best to simply adopt one. Starlight had suggested the possibility of finding a surrogate mother, but Kyra had disagreed, arguing that doing so posed the risk of said surrogate mother becoming attached to the foal when it was born, and besides, finding a surrogate mother also tended to be rather expensive, not to mention the mountain of legal paperwork that always came with such things. In the end, it had been decided that they would see if there were any orphanages nearby that they could adopt a foal from.

Starlight also remembered, that later that same day, they had met Twilight Sparkle and their other friends at the nearby lake. While Kyra played beach ball with Rainbow Dash against Apple Jack and Pinkie Pie, Starlight had found herself talking to Fluttershy and Twilight about the plans she and Kyra had made. Fluttershy and Twilight had been rather supportive, with Fluttershy remarking that Kyra and Starlight would make fantastic parents.

Having remembered this, Starlight began to feel worried, and even suspicious. It was common knowledge among their friends, of course, that Fluttershy was often visited by Discord. The more Starlight thought about it, it seemed highly probable that Fluttershy may have repeated their conversation to Discord. Knowing how mischievous the former lord of chaos was, Starlight had a growing suspicion that he was likely responsible for Kyra's current problem. But whether it was his idea of a prank or Discord being helpful in his uniquely odd way, she didn't know for sure.

There was only one thing for it. They'd just have to ask Discord himself.

That Escalated Quickly

Roughly two hours later, Kyra and Starlight had arrived at Fluttershy's cottage. Although it had taken a half hour of arguing, Starlight had eventually convinced Kyra to make the trip with her. Unsurprisingly, Kyra had been petrified of ponies seeing her in her current state. Eventually it was decided that they would take the long way to Fluttershy's cottage, with Kyra wearing one of her old travelling cloaks as an extra precaution. Now, as they stood outside Fluttershy's cottage, Starlight wondered how they could even begin to explain the reason for their unannounced visit.

Still though, they had come this far. And Starlight was determined that they wouldn't leave until Discord changed Kyra back to her original state. At the very least, they would have confirmation of her suspicions, one way or another. Raising her hoof, Starlight knocked on Fluttershy's door.

"Fluttershy, are you in there? It's Starlight and Kyra."

The door opened. Fluttershy stood there, looking surprised. "Oh. Hello Starlight." Noticing Kyra's uncomfortable expression, she looked at Starlight. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm afraid not," Starlight answered. "Is Discord with you by any chance?"

"No," answered Fluttershy. "But he should be here soon. He never misses tea time." She paused, one eyebrow furrowing in concern. "Is that the reason you're here? Did Discord do something?"

Rather than say anything, both Kyra and Starlight nodded. Fluttershy sighed. "Oh dear. Well, you'd better come inside and have a seat. I'll fix us some tea while we wait. How does that sound?"

"Thank you, Fluttershy."

.....

While Kyra and Starlight waited for Discord to arrive, they somewhat sheepishly explained the situation to Fluttershy, who listened with eyes that grew progressively wider with each word. When they had finished, the shy pegasus softly facehoofed. Oh Fluttershy, you're such a loudmouth! she scolded herself.

"I'm sorry," she said at last. "I should've known he'd do something like this when I mentioned it to him."

"Hey, there's no use crying over spilled milk," Kyra reminded her gently. "Besides, it's Discord for goodness sake. Knowing him, he probably would have done it anyway, sooner or later."

"That still doesn't make it okay, though!" Fluttershy said. "He should know better than to meddle with such things."

Just then, there came a knock at the door.

"Speak of the Devil." Kyra grimaced.

Rather than go to the front door, Fluttershy remained motionless, her face taking on a stern expression. Moments later Discord appeared in front of the three mares, grinning broadly.

"Hello, Fluttershy!" he said. "Oh, and Kyra and Starlight. What a surprise!"

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow, and Discord's smile vanished instantly. "Have I missed something?" he said, feigning a look of innocence that fooled no one.

"I believe you owe Kyra and Starlight an apology." Fluttershy's voice was firm, eyes narrowed as she spoke to him like a mother scolding a child.

"An apology?" repeated Discord. "For what?"

"You know perfectly well what for!" Kyra snapped. "You gave me a... a..." she couldn't even finish the sentence - her face turning a bright shade of red with embarrassment. Then, as Discord raised an eyebrow in amusement, Fluttershy said it instead.

"You gave her a penis, Discord!"

Discord pressed his lips together for a moment, for a moment his eyes watered - then he burst out laughing. The draconequus fell onto his back, legs kicking madly in the air as he cackled with glee.

"Will you stop laughing already?" Fluttershy said. "This isn't funny, Discord!"

"I'm sorry, it's not funny?" Discord repeated. "I beg to differ, my dear Fluttershy. This is some of the best fun I've had in a while! Besides..." Discord's eyes narrowed, his smile changing to one of devious delight. "I think you fail to see the opportunity you've been given here, sweet little Kyra."

"Opportunity?" Kyra repeated, utterly confused. "What the Hell are you talking about?"

"It's simple," Discord replied. "Your wifey wants a baby. Well, now you have the means to giver her one." Then, as all three mares gaped in shock, he grinned. "You should know, I didn't intentionally hit you with the spell. In fact I was aiming for Starlight here." Discord frowned down at his paws. "Guess my aim isn't what it used to be. But I'm sure that won't be a problem for you, Kyra, now will it?"

"So what you're saying is you intentionally used a spell just so Kyra could get me pregnant?"

"Yes. No need to thank me though," Discord said happily. "I can see you're clearly overwhelmed by gratitude."

Next to Starlight, Kyra leaned forward and put her face in her hooves. She couldn't believe it. This was all too much. She still had one question left - one she was almost too afraid to ask.

"How long can I expect to to be stuck like this?" she muttered.

"Depends," Discord answered with a chuckle. "How many times do you think you'll need?"

Kyra's head snapped up, staring at Discord in pale, wide-eyed terror.

"Oh dear, we are in trouble," the lord of chaos mused. "I'd get busy if I were you."

With that Discord disappeared, his cackling laughter still echoing throughout the room.

Oh My...

Later that night, Starlight lay in bed beside Kyra, thinking.

Since talking to Discord had resulted in a complete failure, Starlight had pondered the possibility that there may be some alternative solution to their problem. At first, she'd thought perhaps she could find a spell of some sort, but she'd just as quickly dismissed the idea. There were plenty of reasons, but the two that jumped up and down were that one - the last time she'd used magic to solve a problem, it had ended in disaster for everyone involved, and the second, more embarrassing reason was that even if there was a spell that might help - but really, the odds of that were slim - there was no way she could see herself trying to explain to Twilight why she was seeking such a thing. Yeah, that wouldn't be an awkward conversation, Starlight thought sarcastically. Nothing weird about trying to explain your wife being cursed with a penis by Discord, OR the fact you're hoping a spell might fix it. Totally nothing awkward or to be suspicious of there at all.

Turning onto her back, Starlight sighed in frustration. She supposed, in the end, there was really one solution to this.

It had been staring her in the face since she'd first glimpsed Kyra's new... equipment that morning in the shower. And now, as she lay thinking about it, Starlight knew she must be honest with herself: Seeing Kyra so flustered and exposed like that, with her cheeks stained a bright shade of scarlet... Oh, dear sweet Celestia. She couldn't remember ever seeing anything so adorable. Nor so arousing.

Besides, if Kyra was going to be stuck like this for a while, why not try to make the best of a bad situation? At the very least, Starlight knew she had to do something to help her... relax.

Turning her head, she looked at Kyra, who lay on her back, her pale blue eyes fixed on the ceiling, staring into space. Having noticed Starlight looking at her, she turned her head so that they stared directly into each other's eyes. Although Kyra's expression was unreadable, Starlight would have been lying if she'd said her heart didn't start thumping faster in her chest right then, or that her mouth didn't suddenly feel dry as a desert.

There seemed to be a question in her eyes. For a moment, Starlight contemplated saying anything first, but in the end, she supposed it didn't matter either way.

So she moved closer, and kissed Kyra's mouth.

At first, nothing happened. Kyra was motionless under Starlight's mouth for a few seconds before she attempted to move closer, a needy whimper sounding in the back of her throat. Without pulling away, Starlight pushed herself against Kyra with a bit more force, turning the grey unicorn on her back, so that they now lay with their hips pressed together, with Starlight's back legs straddling Kyra's.

It was at this point, with Kyra lying pliant under her, that Starlight began to grind her hips, ever so slightly, against her.

The instant she did, Kyra's eyes shot open, and she jerked her head back, gasping. Starlight stilled her movements, feeling a corresponding jolt of arousal in her own marehood as Kyra made a soft keening sound at the back of her throat.

Starlight didn't even have to ask to know what it meant, either.

Kyra didn't just want this. She needed this.

However, there was a look in her eye that Starlight recognized - a look of questioning uncertainty that Starlight understood at once.

Leaning forward, Starlight whispered in Kyra's ear, grinding her marehood gently against her lover's - her warm breath tickling the mare's cheek, the slow movement of her hips quickly reducing her to shuddering whimpers; eyes flickering shut again. Starlight made a low sound of amusement. Kyra was so sensitive to her touch.

"Shh, shh. Hey. Just stay still, sweetheart," she whispered. "Mommy's got it all under control."