Epic Storyby CumCockCityChaptersThe mediocre walk through a desolate Forrest full of treesThe non desolate Forrest and flying shark peopleThe Great War part 1: Juan are unbreakableThe Great War Part 2: Juan silver windThe Great War part 3: The Juanese conflictThe mediocre walk through a desolate Forrest full of treesOn a dark night, somewhere in Ponyville, the stallion known as Juan went on a walk through a large, impregnable forrest, it was not a good one, though, as when he reached the T junction, a great feeling of unease struck him, this sadly resulted in his untimely death. “Cum, Shishapangma”, Princess Luna screeched, calmly, it was a dark and depressing day in canterlot, sadly Juan was revived, no one knew what to do, the wonderbolts had, under orders from celestia, crashed into the castle, this was deemed as terrorism and celestia ordered the war on disharmony against the minority changelings. Juan then woke up after being revived, and vowed eternal revenge on the royals, the princess society murdered his wife, and he is going to mess them up big time. “shall it be the mare on the market?” Juan said, “well, maybe, but I think weapons smuggling is good”, Rainbow Dash responded, Rainbow was a resistance fighter against the oppressive dictatorship of the two sisters, and orchestrated the war to destabilise equestria so she could bring justice to the land, her callsign was Margaret, or Snaejon in Latin. Juan then went off with Rainbow Dash, both of them carrying Ross Rifles, made by Jonathon Ross Inc, they soon decided, however, that flying was preferable to death, so they flew. Meanwhile. Celestia is enjoying an afternoon oil bath from the war profits, when she suddenly is highly disturbed by a great, growing presence nearby, she hops into the anti aircraft truck nearby (because Celestia hides modern tech to screw with the peasants), and lets off approximately 92 missiles. Juan and Rainbow Dash look down concernly, and decide to kamikaze into the missiles, this works, and they find Celestia, who by now is a crazed gun wielding maniac. “I feast on the blood of the insignificant, sometimes”, Celestia says begrudgedly. “art thou dong hiei”, Rainbow Dash replies. “Very well then, small pony with short hooves I’ll cuck you in half” , Celestia agrees. [KACHOW] Rainbow dash breaks Celestias neck, however it regenerates. “Oi fuck she’s hacking”, Rainbow Dash says. “I swear on me mother!”, Juan says in agreement, Juan runs over to the AA truck from earlier, and using some extra money he stole from illegally selling off parts of the moon to unlock premium missiles, it takes 50 seconds however for it to reload. “OI LUV CUCK HER UP!” Juan says to Rainbow Dash aka Callsign Snaejon. “with pleasure”, Rainbow Dash responds, Rainbow does super rainbow attack which temporarily instakills Celestia, by now the missiles have reloaded, and Juan lets them off on Celestia (who is now regenerating), however, Rainbow Dash by now was dashing towards Celestia. Juan screams “NOOOOOOO”, The premium tier 5 missiles decimate Celestias now very dead existence, however also kill Rainbow Dash. Ten seconds later. “What have a done to Callsign Snaejon?”, Juan questions, Well, at least her death was not in vain, maybe Twilight can fix this up, who knows, Juan then leaves the scene before the Royal Guard comes and performs immensely uncomfortable sex on his now mentally scared psyche. Fifthteen and a half weeks later. “Oi Twilight I maybe just killed your pal”, Juan says sadly “Juan! That’s not funny!” Twilight said in response. “IM SERIOUS AND IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE ME I HAVE VIDEO PROOF”, Juan shouted, collectedly. “Oh, guess Starlight is promoted then, besides, she’ll come back, right?”, Twilight questioned. “Well that’s why I’m here, do you have a spell to fix this injustice, hm? Juan asked. “Well no, but probably yes, there is a valley, in a land, far far away from here, like a solid 500000 hoofs that way (points north) and 700000000000 hoofs that way (points east), however to get to it, you must go through multiple forests”- “dear god”, Juan says in response to the mentioning of forests, “As I was saying, there’s multiple forests to reach it, at least two active volcanoes, one of which is inhabitated by the dreaded flying shark people, after those there’s twenty one canyons, the famed 20 maze formation of the late ruler, Prince Amogus, a group of tribes who are known to be very humanoid, at least and if not more than 700 river crossings, including the ponazon crossing to get to the city of Rio de Poneiro, a active war zone between the Ponitinians and Ponuguayans, and ferry service with very bad seating, the almighty ponehara desert which is famed for for the fact that no one is quite sure what it is, A hunting range, a nuclear reactor which can’t be bypassed, another forest, a lot of moorland, a ascent of Mount Fillymanejaro without oxygen, the ponestralian outback, the ponges river, and finally a gruelling and tiring boss fight with the sentient lamppost of the east”. “Woah, that’s pretty deep”, Juan says. “Well duh! It is the most important thing in the whole land you know?” Twilight says angrily. “I know, it’s just frustrating, I’m going for a lie down now”, Juan says. “Ok, good night and don’t mess this up, or I’ll have Celestia execute your ass”, Twilight threatens with intent. “She’s fucking dead you moron, die in a hole”, Juan says accusingly. “I will, but not before we have aggresive opposite lesbian sex together”, Twilight says. “You’re on”, Juan says back. A second later. “Mmmmmmm, cum”, Twilight says. “I know right?” Juan says. Juan inserts his obscenely large boy penis into Twilights equally large anus, this goes on for far longer than it should, some extra intercoursely actitivites occur however they are so obscene and horrific that instead I’ll sum it up now, basically. Juan starts the foreplay off by literally backflipping into Twilights tender pony pussy, this was very fun, however they went further, Juan does the same thing but in anus, causing irreparable damage to her anatomy, not anything terrible though since magic can fix it up, funny that, regardless, Juan then put his dong up Twilights throat at fucking lightspeed, prompting Twilight to utter “OH YES MY GUY, UNFFFFFFFFFFFF”, being the slut she probably is, she pukes on his cock and then proceeds to drink it, at this point Juan runs for his life. Twilight sits heartbroken and defeated, is this the end? Find out next time on Epic Story, part number 2. Author's Note Yo this is fuckin rad dude The non desolate Forrest and flying shark peopleJuan thought to himself “well if there is a Forrest, why aren’t thou seen it thee?”, minutes later he came across a small, uninteresting Forrest, he walked for 501 miles through it, hunted the souls of poor people, and lived off solely plot convenience very witty stories. Speaking of which.... You are reading Epic Story Part 2, the first action packed novel from your man CumCock. Midway through the great Forrest, Juan encountered the Temple of the cum gods, he broke inside to pay his respect to his great forebearers, however, found jet pack equipped starlight glimmer in it. “Oi crikeys pal you’re hard” said Juan. “I always am” said Starlight. Juan grabbed a knife from his back pocket and stabbed her in the neck, briefly dazed, she charged back at him with the aid of hellfire demons of the oferworlds Kgjamp. “I WILL NEVER FORGET MY MOTHER, EVERY DAY, EVERY NIGHT IN MY DREAMS WHEN I WAS 20 SHE WOULD TELL ME GOOD THINGS AND ENCOURAGE MY GREAT RULERSHIP, AND YOU DESECREATE HER LEGACY, THOU CRETIN, THOU SHALL BE DEATH SOON I SAY, BUT BEFORE THAT WE WILL MAKE THIS AN OUTING TO REMEMBER” Starlohht screeched, quietly. The two then got in the nearby helicopter and fired on local civilians, starlight then died. “MOTHER I WAS NOT ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH THE MISSION”, STARLIGHT SAID calmly. Ok, anyways. At the end of the Forrest he encountered a strange, ominous noise in the Forrest, upon close and througough evaluation, it turned out to be the sounds of a distressed deer called velvedere, Juan thought “hm. Guess you ought die tonight you spastic underling”, he then ate it, it was sub par. Later that day he was crowned prince of the Forrest number 2 by Luna, but she was the one who revived him, this made many accuse the equestrian government of being a deep state racist organisation, and it promptly collapsed, Juan, eager to spread his influence in this age of chaos, visited his former friend Twilight Sparkle, with a bold and daring plan. “Oi cunt I have a cunning plan, we divide the Land between us and Luna, and violently anally ravage her in her sleep, shell enjoy it so she’ll give us the land again. “Oi fuck you shortface”, Juan said agreeably. “Thou aren’t worthy of being thy leader, thou art dumb!” Twilight rebutted. This continued for a few dozen moons until Twilight decided to join Juan in the epic quest to secure the land. In reality is was all a ploy, Twilight was assigned secretariat of the Juanese Workers Heavenly Lovers of Freedom and Patriotic Horses (the JAHLFPH), whilst he went on a holy crusade to save codename snaejon. He set off into the land of the flying shark peoples, a mythically organisation of ground based mice centaurs, who ruled the famed Mt Ponaya active volcano, on first arrival he was murdered, however thanks to some quick thinking, he lived, he then went on a pacification campaign (in reality a forced cultural genocide) and conquered the land, however, destiny had a different cause, he died one week later. However You are watching, Epic story part 2. Juan had a child with the deer from earlier on, called Juan the Brave and Glorious, Great and Powerful, Princess and Prince of all the Forrest’s, saviour of the land, the second. Juan 2 set out on a different path than his father, instead of embracing edginess trying to revive Snaejon, he instead went on a holy crusade to kill princess cadance. “I do not consent to this”, Cadance said, furiously. “You do yet now don’t you you spastic weird overrated cum rag dumpster fire, spicther guzzling mutant wombat, trisexual deviant, now perish”, Juan 2 said. And with that, Cadance’s neck imploded as the sheer wait of his speech made her bust a lung, however before she died, she said. “Actually pretty big fan also the lamppost has the chromium reserves go get that bro”. “Oh, sorry about that”, Juan said happily. “K whatever nerd, catch you in hell” Cadance said back, disagreeably. Juan then left the scene. “Oi fuck twilight we gotta go fuck up the lamppost”, Juan said eagerly “🐍🦑🐙🐢” Twilight replied “Shoot back at him then.” An ominous voice said. And so they set off again. Multiple decades later.... “Oi twilight” “Ya?” “This is canyon” “Ya” “Want to go through the canyon” “Hello” And so they went through the canyon. And then another. And then another. And then another. Until they reached the lands of Amogus, “AL BAQARA HENAN SHKEA” “Oi wtf bro hacks confirmed reported” Juan said sadly. And now, epic story, part 2, the sequel to desolate Forrest full of trees. Both twilight and Juan 2 were captured by the Amogusi tribe. “Oi bro were fucking hammed in the basket hmmm?”, Twilight said. “No escpapin’ or wae gon fuck up, you do not know the way” the Guard of Amogus camp 1 said. “Oh fuck I read about this in the two sister journal, the famed concentration camps of Amogus, lovely place, really, just look at the pool!” Juan proceeds to jump into the pool, instantly teleporting him to the 20 maze formation. “THOU SHANT NOT DIE IN THEES MAZE” a cheerful voice said. It was him. “Shan’t it be mare on the market?” Pinkie pie said King Amgous the 5002th of wales. Juan spent a while trying to escape, luckily twilight came and she had wings so they flew away, amateurs. “So where to now then?” Juan said. “Shit if I know, maybe the humanoidians” Twilight said in a exceptional desperate voice. “Hmmm, let us walk then” Juan said agreeably. “Isn’t as if we have wings, anyways” and the two walked for a while. Meanwhile. “Prince amogous! Twilight sparkle is here to join our side” the large talking dog said. “Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton“ Prince Amgous said. Subscribe to my patron and click the bell icon for this and over good films. He had mild drugs, this made him nonsensical, in a clever, intellectual way, what he was referring to was the ancient cotton trade between amogian lands and equestria via the great canoe, the national boat of the two nations is the canoe, they bonded over this, and lead to the creations of the royal sisters, the canoe sisters in old Amogian. Amohia was once a thriving place, full of cotton stores, cotton dealers, the cotton trade, the cottonangular trade, the cottonese civil war, the cotton rebellion, the 3 cottons war, and the cotton intercourse war, all of which killed a combined 58@); people. The theme song then plays for Juan. Temgachi l Monami Konami Nanemo Nanemo It then ended. Tired and sexually frustratedly Juan went to bed that night a happy and fulfilled dog, he would never lick his balls again. Author's Note Hey guys please subscribe and hit the bell icon also this was very fun to write please like like I never thought anyone outside of my friend grouo would see this any attention is good thank you! The Great War part 1: Juan are unbreakableJuan walked over to his newly gained alley, Prince Amogus of the Amogese lands, wearing a body suit inscribed with the letters 666. “Owo a sinner thou art?” Amogus said eagerly. “Da, just like Ma used to say, AIDS is not funny”, Juan said back, beckoning with hostility. “Ah, such formal speak is pleasuring, May I propose a political union”, Amogus said, calmly. “Well sure” Juan said. Juan went on a holy tour of his new land, preaching the word of the lord and vanquishing all the sinners, he gained the allegiance of the flying shark people and together, planned an invasion of the lands claimed by prince Amongous, the 5002th ruler of the amogian lands. “Art cum thou shsihapinga imum 120, cameo, Mike Tyson”, Amogus said. “Ah yes, the famous 394 dash line of the ancestors” Juan said. “It was my families great honour to have ruled over this land in past, not by cum extracted, but by lineage, we ruled the ponazon, we ruled fillmanejaro, we ruled everything, whether it be his father, or his father, or his father, or his father, or his father, or his father, we still ruled, we knew the way, and the enemies, didn’t.” Amogus said, furiously. The crowd then applauded the two horses like there was no tomorrow, they died of heat exhaustion later, as the air conditioner was off. The theme of Juan then played: Temgachi l Monami Konami Nanemo Nanemo This is Epic Story, part 3, the first action packed novel by your man CumCock, and now, Epic Story, the war. In all the seconds they’d been gone from celestia grave, they had forgotten, she was the mouse and they were the springtrap, ready to be tuned to the mass likings, the love was gone, and celestia was still dead. “Art thou bro of thou art dumb thou art dumb cum imum Ezra?” Luna said curiously. “Thank you very much” Juan said back, lovingly. But then Twilight walks into the room with a shotgun. “OI YOU CHEATED IN ME, RACIST FUCKER I WILL END YOUR MOTHER FUCK YOUUUUYUUUUUUUUUUUUU” Twilight said, calmly. “Oi fuck twilight gonna get us rekt the big t8me if we shant’nt Team up to defeat this great monster” Juan said to Luna. “ART THOU RULE BRITANNIA” Luna says joyously. A firce due, then starts, the shotgun was a toy from the local hasbro store, speaking of which. This story is sponsored by Has-bro corporation, made by the has brothers. Twilight cuts Juans left leg off, he falls to the ground, she had finally beaten Juan Tamara Rodriguez. But wait! He is still alive. Juan goes on a melee with his wings and crashes into every building in canterlot, pummelling Twilight’s now very red body into them. “THIS IS FOR MOTHER YOU PIG BIG” Juan says strictly. “Bro I never killed her, **he** did” Twilight says confusedly. “HIM?! I WILL RAZE THE MULTIVERSE TO DESTROY HIS ASS” Juan says angrily. Both sides retreat for a refreshing cup of American soup at the tasty treat, now bought out by local government companies. “Velcome to zen tasting treat” Corander Cumin says sadly”. “Oi luv nice place I can just feel the freedom in here” Juan says. “America is number 1” Coranda says. The soul was nice, if very greasy, Juan uses his 20 dollars of gift cards to buy endless refunds, they were quite good though, he said they were probably 9/10 if the milk wasnt included. Meanwhile. You are reading epic story part 3, the first action packed story by your guy CumCock “OI LUV GHEYVE BROKEN THROUGH OUR LINES AND WE ARE GOING TO DIE THIS IS PANIC” Generic army Sargent 1 says. “Brb I need a ciggerte” Juan says. Juan then flies over, setting 50 world records on the way, he takes out 50 enemies by sheer will power, and then another 200 by repeat anti air combos, he then gets his personal anti air truck, and fires on the enemy city, accidentally missing the military and only hitting the housing estate, luckily, only 20000 were killed out of a population of 500, war refugees do that. And there in lies the beauty of this scene, we can see Juan 2 descend from an upstanding, brave, defender of justice and honour, into a cold blooded thief warlord tyrant who only cares about protecting his rank and being a sexual deviant, this, this is sin, and he will pay the price. SUDDENLY A LARGE ROC FLIES DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS. “KAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKKAKAAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKA AKAKAKAKKAKAM AK K AKMAK A K A KAKMKAMK AK A KAK AK K K AKA KAK AK K A KAK A KAK AK K AK A KAK AK A KKA K A KAK AK A” THE ROC SAYS “ITS DWAYNE, RUN!” Juan says. But it is too late, soon the roc is ascending to the heavens again, and now Juan is living in affordable housing, rather than a field tent, he complains about this, commits suicide mark 2, and gets to heaven part 2. —JUAN THE THIRD— Though not directly related to the Juan bloodline, Juan the third was still a dashing, intelligent, a brave individual, after hearing the news of his forebearers deaths, he vowed to unite the land and set up a coalition to kill the roc, and to restore order and peace to the nobility of old. “GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS, THE GREAT AND GLORIOUS, CUM MINER, GRAND ADMIRAL, SUPREME TANK COMMANDER, AND AA TRUCK HALF CYBORD, ASKS FOR YOUR SERVICES, WHAT WE HAVE SEEN TODAY HAS BEEN A COLLOSAL MILTARY DEFEAT, MADE WORSE BY THE FACT, THAT DESPITE HIS GREAT CRIMES, HE IS STILL UNTOUCHED, I CALL UPON YOU ALL, TO BAND TOGETHER AS ONE, AND DESTROY THE ROC, WE WILL ACCEPT ANYONE IN THIS GREAT PATRIOTIC ACT OF VENGEANCE, AND THE ONE TO BRING ME HIS HEAD WILL BE AWARDED WELL, LONG LIVE EMPEROR JUAN THE THIRD!” Juans letter to the warlords says. “Very good speech, my guy” Prince Amogus says. “Thx bro just spent 20 minutes writing that” Juan says back. Meanwhile. “Hey so Juan is back and wants to take us out big time.” The messenger pony says. “That’s what they all say” a mysterious voice says. “But he already owns the great south lands” messenger pony rebates. “Hmph, this Juan fellow may be quite the obstacle” Fluttershy says. She then has angry lesbian sex with herself, laughing maniacally, getting off to the mere thought of fucking up Juan. What will happen next! Will Juan III be victorious against the roc? Will fluttershy fuck him up? Find out next t8me on the epic story! Author's Note Yo guys get this when writing this, I was petting my dog. The Great War Part 2: Juan silver windJuan the third stepped out of the amogus castle, by now it was concrete, due to la coubersire. “It has been long, longer than mincemeat in a cheery summers eve!” Prince amogus said, cautiously “Indeed, my friend, the other to rule the land lays before us, but first, order of business comes first, malady” Juan 3 said, knowingly -gay sex- Meanwhile, in canterlot “OI LADS LISTEN UP, WEVE GIT JUAN IN IUR SITES, HE IS DESECRATOR OF THE HOLY TROMBOLA, AND MOST BE PUNISHED, ANU CANNE DE LAMPORE THE FITHEEN YE DAFT CUNT”, Twilight sparkle, princess of the colour purple said. And so the war began Juan gazed upon the 700 river crossings, however was blocked by wall “PAY ¥20 AND GET PAST, LIMITED TIME OFFER” he was not amused. Juan flew to canterlot to ask for a student loan, but then. “CLOP POLICE, DO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHEYENNE”? the police said “Nope, sorry” Juan said. “Oh, sorry then, go along!” The police said Juan then broke into canterlot castle, where he faced down twilight for the last time. “So this is where it ends, eyyyyy?” Twilight said, ferociously “I guess so” Juan 3 said Silence Silence Silence Juan then bloated at twilights left rib, breaking it into 5 Twilight then uppercuts his crotch, he was a transgender though, so he was fine “HAHA, YOURE DUMB IF YOU THINK I HAVE BALLS” Juan said laghilbale “That’d explain a lot” twilight said, sneakily Twilight then punched Juan seventy times, Juan then pile dried her into the floor, then they both shouted “ow”. “OW” they both shouted. Twilight then blew up the north tower, causing it to come crashing down upon Juan, Juan, unamused, promptly activated his jet pack and used premium tier 5 missiles to fuck her up, twilight died, but then. “CACWCACWCCACWCWCCACACWCCACWW” THE PATRIOTIC BIRDS ARRIVED Hawk 1 stabbed Juan in the neck, not because they didn’t get along, but because of a code error, hawk 2 swoops in “CAWCA CAW CAW CA WCACCWCWCACCACWCCWC CAW” it groaned. Juan pulled out the knife of truth, stabs the hawks in half’s, and eats their hearts. “ classy” Juan said to himself, calmly. A day passes Then another And then one more. Juan sang some song, and muttered, “arteth this immense boredom?” “Aye pal, but we’ve gotten no clue where they’ve went” Twilight said after recovering from her untimely demise. The two then ate the deer of destiny, it was commonly described as being the most tender meat anyone could ever taste, however Juan the thirds cock was more so, so he was not amused, they both rated the deer highly, congratulating it on doing well in tasting good, the deer became the national boat of Equestria, because Juan IIi is now emperor of equestria. “Wait, I am here to save Snaejon, am I not?” Juan wondered. “Oh yea we should probably do that” Twilight agreed. Meanwhile. Princess Luna has set up a castle in the city of Rio de poneiro and the ponazon river was now her horizontal shower, it was a nice castle, but Juan knew of those all too well. “SHISHAPANGMA SHISH KEBAB IS WHAT I ASK FOR YOU CRETIN”, Princess Luna says to the humanoid tribesman Luna was once ruler of equestria, now she is fighting a gorilla movement against those who had usurped her, she fights like Bruce Lee, we call her, Bruce Pony. Meanwhile Juan and Twilight are following the great flows of the Ponazon down the Rio de Poneiro, but then “GAH THERES AN ARROW” Juan said disagreeably. “Oi these must be the humanoids, we must meet with them” Twilight said agreeably. “Fair words, but aren’t they enemy?” Juan said “Yes!” twilight said. They then swooped down to a dike in the river to meet with the chief of the local humanoid club. “Oui las baguette monsieur de la etats unis” the humanoid chief said. Twilight and Juan proceed to follow the chief down to Rio de Poneiro, however Juan’s hoofs are hurt from carrying, so he collapses. Multiple days later “Gotten fuck where am I?” Juan said “B O A T” Twilight said back They were on a boat. “Where are we headed?” Juan said “THE FUCKING CITY YOU CUNT” Twilight said. They then arrived in Rio de Poneiro, the place smelled very bad, likely due to the cheese facilities, Juan went to the Castle to murder a Princess Luna and continue his quest, but first he needed maps to the route beyond to save Snaejon. “Ah, greetings fellow pony, how do you do?” Luna said “ I do your mom” Juan said The two then went for a lovely stroll, Luna didn’t know what Juan III looked like, so she took him straight to the maps he needed. “Ah, there’s the maps, how did you find it?” Luna said “yes!” Juan said. Juan then flew to twilight who was on the boat, but then. Luna blasted the boat apart, babies were killed, the pets were killed, the tea was spilt, it was quite a state, Juan teleported to a random location to get away from it all with twilight, they ended up in the middle of the Ponazon Jungle, however. THE MAP WAS BURNT IN A BIT This meant that Juan couldn’t see where to go after section 81, meaning their whole mission may now be doomed. But then. A humanoid centipede approached, it was the messenger of the gods. “Aye pal Juan you are lit bruv” it said It then flew away. With this divine providence, Juan was reenvigruated and set out immediately north, befriending the people groups along the way, building up an empire to take on the warring states ahead, he may not have known where he was headed, but he was sure of one ting. Snaejon Must Be Saved. (sMBs) Juan was then hit by a premium artillery shell and subsequently died, leaving his reincarnate, Juan the IIII, to continue the great legacy and dynasty. WILL JUAN THE FOURTH BY VICTORIOUS? WILL Snaejon BE SAVED? WILL LUNA STOP HIS GREAT VISION? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON EPIC STORY, PART 4, PART 3 OF THE GREAT WAR, COMING TO YOU IN A FEW MONTHS TIME. Author's Note It is done. The Great War part 3: The Juanese conflictJuan the fourth woke up from his mediocre bed, it was a bed of average quality, much like the bed of a 2 star hotel. “Oi pal we’ve got work to do” Twilight sparkle said chastisingly “aye” Juan said The Great War between Juan and Luna has been going on for 502 hours now, Juan needed to murder “Oi cunt we’ve gonna go invade” Juan said, joyously And so they set off to the great city of Rio De Poneiro, to kill “YOU CHALLENGE ME WITH TRICKERY? I DONT BELIEVE IN MAGIC” Luna says calmly as Juan approaches On a double deck gay barge party boat. Juan then teleports beside Luna “Nothing” “Personal “Bro” He then stabs her abdomen twenty times before getting hit in the eye, he now has an eyepatch, he looks very cool. Then the theme song plays. Temgachi l Monami Konami Nanemo Nanemo It then ended. “THOU HAVETH BROUGHTEH 100000 NIGHTS OF TROMENTOUS FURY, BY THE WRATH OF MOTHER CELESTIA WE WILL END YOU FROM THE HEAVENS WITH OUR UNBREAKABLE THUNDER GODDESS POWERS, OBSERVE INFIDELS THE MIRACLES WEOUGT BY THE HEAVENNSSSSSSS” Luna said before dying and promptly dying Just then a flying bus dolphin hits twilight in the face, killing her tenporarily. “oh fucken daym” Juan said And now he was the controller of equestria, he spent his time passing news laws, abolishing racism, banning the House of Lords, burning down charity hospitals, erecting giant statues of himself, transitioning equestria into a parliamentary democracy, you know, commie stuff. But then he remembered... “SNAEJOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNN” And thus he set off the finish his quest, by now snaejon was but a smattering of bones on the ground, but he might fix it You are watching Juan part 5 the first action packed story from your man cumcock And now the great quest to find the good things. Juan sets off into ponugyuan, the war state led by infamous populist leader ponald orbpone, he was an unreasonable pony, he had a very pointed horn which he would sometimes use to shank people with. Juan then meets up with Orbpone. “Aye pal need help I enjoy freedom” Juan said “Los senoras de peripanere” Orbpone says “Yes, kill the bus dolphin?” Juan says “Los belore Los giantess dos Las uno dos Sahara Nevado Mexico Cuba medilin cocacabana sugarloaf mountain Christ the redeemer Los hombres des Palma Los etatas unis fuerte bueno suerte, si senor. Orbpone said whilst smoking a black and red cigar which had his marking on it. “Yo that is a sick cutie mark” Juan says, pointing vaguely down at the horses cutie mark. “Diagrams” Orbpone says happily. And thus they set out for war against the freely elected democratic nation of Ponitinia But first they needed a solid pretext So they blow up the south tower of canterlot and blame it on the Ponitiniana, despite their leader, President Poney, denying it. And thus the war begins. The 200 divisions of the Ponugyuan armada charge into Ponitinia, killing millions of ponies and committing vast amounts of accidentally war crimes You are reading the firth chapter of Juan epic story, and now the war, who will win????? Juan charges into the enemy lines like a large dog, he then dies of liver failure The deer of destiny then is summoned, causing s nuclear explsooons destroy all of the battlefield Juan is reborn and stabs the enemy comander five times, ending the battle in a decisive Orbpone victory. The Ponitiniana then deploy the ultra boat, formerly the poorly made ferry from later, but now crewed by Captain Pones, his intent is to go to the capital city of Ponugyuans, Poneville, and kill 999999 people. “WE ARE SEEKING TO RESTORE ORDER TO THE UNIVERSE WE WILL END JUAN AND HIS TYRANCY HE IS ONLY IN THIS FOR OIL WE WILL SHOOT DOWN ANY UNLISCNENSED PEGASUS AND YOU HAVE ALL FORFIETED YOUR RIGHT TO LIVE CEASE T9 BE NOW OR ELSE” Pones says “Oh fuck” Juan says, flying into the ferry. “DONT YOU MURDER I HAVE TO SAVE SNAEJON I HAVE A FAMILY THERE” Juan says “SO WHAT? YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A POORLY DESIGNED POORLY MADE CHARATCER WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO BE THE BEST” Pones says clams “I WILL BRING HELLFIRE UPON YOU MY HEART IS AS SHARP AS A KNIFE AND I WILL CUT YOU DOWN” Juan says happily “KILL THE PONEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIEEEEESSSSS” Pones says “Nein” Juan says. Juan then punches Pones across the face, momentarily dazing him, ponies responds by piledriving juan into the ground with upgraded fish hook, bloodied, Juan gets Pones in a headlock and dropkics him into a nearby mountain, causing it to erupt and become a new volcano, the onlooking Ponugyuans flock to it and it becomes a great tourist magnet. Ponies then drop kicks Juan in turn all the way back to canterlot, destroying the rebuilt south tower, they then both teleport to the top of canterlot mountain as it is cool, like Juan. “FOR SNAEJON SHISHAPANGMA LUKAS DAS KONGISDABTH” Juan says whilst furiously biting Pones tail off, which also reveals that his genitals were fake, and that he is a millennial. “HOW CAN IT BEEEEE??????” Juan says cauusitously Then, Pones smashing Juan into the peak of the mountain, it is very edgy, so it stabs a hole in his chest, causing him to bleed a lot. “IF YOU LET ME KILL THE PEOPLE THEN THE WORLD WILL HAVE SALVATION” Pones says “NOT ON MY TERMS” Juan says should radeoing in backup in the form of Twilight. “Oi cunt let’s fuckin gettem” Twilight says Juan and twilight then touch their heads and direct a large massive beam at Pones, this beam is so large it wipes off the top of Canterlot mountain, meaning canterlot is now at the top of it, also making everyone in equestria blind. “YOU WILL SOON SEE- THE ERROR- IN YOUR WAYS-” says Pones, befor collapsing into a pool Juan then kicks Pones back to Ponugyuan, then uppercuts him into his ferry. Pones sits down at the back of the ferry, exhausted and dying of death. “EQUESTRIA IS NOW A BLIND STATE, FIGHTING WARS WITHOUT REASON, WATSING TAXPAYERS DOLLARS ON FRUITLESS ATTEMPTS AT WORLD PEACE, WHAT WILL KIILLING ME DO???” pones says before dying “Idk bruv but imo go get so diagirono pizza” Juan says. Juan then travels to the crystal empire to get some pizza from the now deposed Cadacne, it was meat feast with extra sauce, it was agreeable. He pondered then what to do, continue fighting or save snaejon. “AYYYYYYEEEEE WERE GONNA FUCKEM UP BRUV” Juan said. Juan the 4th then ran over to Ponitinia to meet with Orbpone. “Ohoh Los gigantism de Malaga puerto Los vienos mi amore amore Los diagres Los textbook photo Dias grandes, mi amore” Orbpone said “Sorry bro but you’re on” Juan said regrettably Juan then killed Orbpone, he then travelled to Ponitinia To discuss bus dolphin and the armistice, it was a good armistice, which stood up for most things which most people stood up for, but for now, the conflict was over, it was the end... Or was it? Snajon Snaejo SNAEJON JUAN REMEMEBRED HIS QUEST, AND WITH THE AID OF HSI GREAT ALLIES, HE WENT ONWARDS But now, snaejons corpse was a lame bird “Oi pal this is so hot” Juan said as he had intercourse with twilight in the Ponehara, this was funny as the desert was hot, and the sex was hot, it is very hot. “Ikr?” Twilight said agreeingly They were now nearing the hunting range and nuclear reactor, legends say cheese lived here, they were untrue. But then Juan noticed something odd “OI PAL WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A LARGE CIRCLE” Juan said! “By god” Twiilight said It then collapsed As it turned out the large circle was the cooling tower for the nuclear reactor long ago buried by the sands of time, there they met the deer of destiny and asked for its blessing for the trip ahead, it obliged, and then magicked in some moped-dongos, the premium car you can buy form your man Cumnock for ¥9.50 today! After negotiating the now dead forest, they entered the Fillymanejaro zone. “This fucking sucks” Twilight said “ I agree” Juan said back They were camping on the top of Fillymanejaro, the bruvshack is what they called it here, they have a large bar, marecum juice was the order of the day, and it was pretty nice honestly. “So where now?” twilight said “Ponestralia” Juan said grimly, before having an edema and dying. This was expected as there was no oxygen but he was just that good. He was then reborn as Juan the IIIII, the ultimate Juan. “YO CHECK U OUT BRUV PRAISE BE” Twilight said calmly “Yoyo my guy lets save Snajeon” and thus they set off Ponestralia was a boring place, hot, cold, and really mild, they gave it a low score because they found it really boring, but always remember SMBS Then began the final leg of the ultimate journey and epic story, the Ponges, Juan sat and reflected upon his 200 years of quests. “Uh, Juan bruv, why’d you stop the war back there?” “We were merely pawns in a larger geopolitical game, we had no individuality, we were guns for hire, and you know something bruv? I’m not going to die for some third world dictator who’s only goal is to distract the people from their suffering, all for the sake of some fossil liquid, are we as a society so bound to the idea of freedom that we’re willing to sacrifice what makes us civil? What makes us... Ponies? I love equestria but I would never kill needlessly for it, regardless of the potential gains in doing so” “Damn Juan that’s as epic a quest as any” Twilight said And with that they went to bed in a poorly made tent, which would soon be refunded. Wondering what’”” happen next on this... EPIC STORY Yo-yo thank you guys for reading epic story part 5 the end of the arc is near and we are soon to be enetering a new age of greatness. Author's Note Yo yo shout out to cumcockplays subscribe click the bell icon for good luck and a big Brian will cum to your god bless peace in Palestine god save cumcock
The mediocre walk through a desolate Forrest full of treesOn a dark night, somewhere in Ponyville, the stallion known as Juan went on a walk through a large, impregnable forrest, it was not a good one, though, as when he reached the T junction, a great feeling of unease struck him, this sadly resulted in his untimely death. “Cum, Shishapangma”, Princess Luna screeched, calmly, it was a dark and depressing day in canterlot, sadly Juan was revived, no one knew what to do, the wonderbolts had, under orders from celestia, crashed into the castle, this was deemed as terrorism and celestia ordered the war on disharmony against the minority changelings. Juan then woke up after being revived, and vowed eternal revenge on the royals, the princess society murdered his wife, and he is going to mess them up big time. “shall it be the mare on the market?” Juan said, “well, maybe, but I think weapons smuggling is good”, Rainbow Dash responded, Rainbow was a resistance fighter against the oppressive dictatorship of the two sisters, and orchestrated the war to destabilise equestria so she could bring justice to the land, her callsign was Margaret, or Snaejon in Latin. Juan then went off with Rainbow Dash, both of them carrying Ross Rifles, made by Jonathon Ross Inc, they soon decided, however, that flying was preferable to death, so they flew. Meanwhile. Celestia is enjoying an afternoon oil bath from the war profits, when she suddenly is highly disturbed by a great, growing presence nearby, she hops into the anti aircraft truck nearby (because Celestia hides modern tech to screw with the peasants), and lets off approximately 92 missiles. Juan and Rainbow Dash look down concernly, and decide to kamikaze into the missiles, this works, and they find Celestia, who by now is a crazed gun wielding maniac. “I feast on the blood of the insignificant, sometimes”, Celestia says begrudgedly. “art thou dong hiei”, Rainbow Dash replies. “Very well then, small pony with short hooves I’ll cuck you in half” , Celestia agrees. [KACHOW] Rainbow dash breaks Celestias neck, however it regenerates. “Oi fuck she’s hacking”, Rainbow Dash says. “I swear on me mother!”, Juan says in agreement, Juan runs over to the AA truck from earlier, and using some extra money he stole from illegally selling off parts of the moon to unlock premium missiles, it takes 50 seconds however for it to reload. “OI LUV CUCK HER UP!” Juan says to Rainbow Dash aka Callsign Snaejon. “with pleasure”, Rainbow Dash responds, Rainbow does super rainbow attack which temporarily instakills Celestia, by now the missiles have reloaded, and Juan lets them off on Celestia (who is now regenerating), however, Rainbow Dash by now was dashing towards Celestia. Juan screams “NOOOOOOO”, The premium tier 5 missiles decimate Celestias now very dead existence, however also kill Rainbow Dash. Ten seconds later. “What have a done to Callsign Snaejon?”, Juan questions, Well, at least her death was not in vain, maybe Twilight can fix this up, who knows, Juan then leaves the scene before the Royal Guard comes and performs immensely uncomfortable sex on his now mentally scared psyche. Fifthteen and a half weeks later. “Oi Twilight I maybe just killed your pal”, Juan says sadly “Juan! That’s not funny!” Twilight said in response. “IM SERIOUS AND IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE ME I HAVE VIDEO PROOF”, Juan shouted, collectedly. “Oh, guess Starlight is promoted then, besides, she’ll come back, right?”, Twilight questioned. “Well that’s why I’m here, do you have a spell to fix this injustice, hm? Juan asked. “Well no, but probably yes, there is a valley, in a land, far far away from here, like a solid 500000 hoofs that way (points north) and 700000000000 hoofs that way (points east), however to get to it, you must go through multiple forests”- “dear god”, Juan says in response to the mentioning of forests, “As I was saying, there’s multiple forests to reach it, at least two active volcanoes, one of which is inhabitated by the dreaded flying shark people, after those there’s twenty one canyons, the famed 20 maze formation of the late ruler, Prince Amogus, a group of tribes who are known to be very humanoid, at least and if not more than 700 river crossings, including the ponazon crossing to get to the city of Rio de Poneiro, a active war zone between the Ponitinians and Ponuguayans, and ferry service with very bad seating, the almighty ponehara desert which is famed for for the fact that no one is quite sure what it is, A hunting range, a nuclear reactor which can’t be bypassed, another forest, a lot of moorland, a ascent of Mount Fillymanejaro without oxygen, the ponestralian outback, the ponges river, and finally a gruelling and tiring boss fight with the sentient lamppost of the east”. “Woah, that’s pretty deep”, Juan says. “Well duh! It is the most important thing in the whole land you know?” Twilight says angrily. “I know, it’s just frustrating, I’m going for a lie down now”, Juan says. “Ok, good night and don’t mess this up, or I’ll have Celestia execute your ass”, Twilight threatens with intent. “She’s fucking dead you moron, die in a hole”, Juan says accusingly. “I will, but not before we have aggresive opposite lesbian sex together”, Twilight says. “You’re on”, Juan says back. A second later. “Mmmmmmm, cum”, Twilight says. “I know right?” Juan says. Juan inserts his obscenely large boy penis into Twilights equally large anus, this goes on for far longer than it should, some extra intercoursely actitivites occur however they are so obscene and horrific that instead I’ll sum it up now, basically. Juan starts the foreplay off by literally backflipping into Twilights tender pony pussy, this was very fun, however they went further, Juan does the same thing but in anus, causing irreparable damage to her anatomy, not anything terrible though since magic can fix it up, funny that, regardless, Juan then put his dong up Twilights throat at fucking lightspeed, prompting Twilight to utter “OH YES MY GUY, UNFFFFFFFFFFFF”, being the slut she probably is, she pukes on his cock and then proceeds to drink it, at this point Juan runs for his life. Twilight sits heartbroken and defeated, is this the end? Find out next time on Epic Story, part number 2. Author's Note Yo this is fuckin rad dude
The non desolate Forrest and flying shark peopleJuan thought to himself “well if there is a Forrest, why aren’t thou seen it thee?”, minutes later he came across a small, uninteresting Forrest, he walked for 501 miles through it, hunted the souls of poor people, and lived off solely plot convenience very witty stories. Speaking of which.... You are reading Epic Story Part 2, the first action packed novel from your man CumCock. Midway through the great Forrest, Juan encountered the Temple of the cum gods, he broke inside to pay his respect to his great forebearers, however, found jet pack equipped starlight glimmer in it. “Oi crikeys pal you’re hard” said Juan. “I always am” said Starlight. Juan grabbed a knife from his back pocket and stabbed her in the neck, briefly dazed, she charged back at him with the aid of hellfire demons of the oferworlds Kgjamp. “I WILL NEVER FORGET MY MOTHER, EVERY DAY, EVERY NIGHT IN MY DREAMS WHEN I WAS 20 SHE WOULD TELL ME GOOD THINGS AND ENCOURAGE MY GREAT RULERSHIP, AND YOU DESECREATE HER LEGACY, THOU CRETIN, THOU SHALL BE DEATH SOON I SAY, BUT BEFORE THAT WE WILL MAKE THIS AN OUTING TO REMEMBER” Starlohht screeched, quietly. The two then got in the nearby helicopter and fired on local civilians, starlight then died. “MOTHER I WAS NOT ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH THE MISSION”, STARLIGHT SAID calmly. Ok, anyways. At the end of the Forrest he encountered a strange, ominous noise in the Forrest, upon close and througough evaluation, it turned out to be the sounds of a distressed deer called velvedere, Juan thought “hm. Guess you ought die tonight you spastic underling”, he then ate it, it was sub par. Later that day he was crowned prince of the Forrest number 2 by Luna, but she was the one who revived him, this made many accuse the equestrian government of being a deep state racist organisation, and it promptly collapsed, Juan, eager to spread his influence in this age of chaos, visited his former friend Twilight Sparkle, with a bold and daring plan. “Oi cunt I have a cunning plan, we divide the Land between us and Luna, and violently anally ravage her in her sleep, shell enjoy it so she’ll give us the land again. “Oi fuck you shortface”, Juan said agreeably. “Thou aren’t worthy of being thy leader, thou art dumb!” Twilight rebutted. This continued for a few dozen moons until Twilight decided to join Juan in the epic quest to secure the land. In reality is was all a ploy, Twilight was assigned secretariat of the Juanese Workers Heavenly Lovers of Freedom and Patriotic Horses (the JAHLFPH), whilst he went on a holy crusade to save codename snaejon. He set off into the land of the flying shark peoples, a mythically organisation of ground based mice centaurs, who ruled the famed Mt Ponaya active volcano, on first arrival he was murdered, however thanks to some quick thinking, he lived, he then went on a pacification campaign (in reality a forced cultural genocide) and conquered the land, however, destiny had a different cause, he died one week later. However You are watching, Epic story part 2. Juan had a child with the deer from earlier on, called Juan the Brave and Glorious, Great and Powerful, Princess and Prince of all the Forrest’s, saviour of the land, the second. Juan 2 set out on a different path than his father, instead of embracing edginess trying to revive Snaejon, he instead went on a holy crusade to kill princess cadance. “I do not consent to this”, Cadance said, furiously. “You do yet now don’t you you spastic weird overrated cum rag dumpster fire, spicther guzzling mutant wombat, trisexual deviant, now perish”, Juan 2 said. And with that, Cadance’s neck imploded as the sheer wait of his speech made her bust a lung, however before she died, she said. “Actually pretty big fan also the lamppost has the chromium reserves go get that bro”. “Oh, sorry about that”, Juan said happily. “K whatever nerd, catch you in hell” Cadance said back, disagreeably. Juan then left the scene. “Oi fuck twilight we gotta go fuck up the lamppost”, Juan said eagerly “🐍🦑🐙🐢” Twilight replied “Shoot back at him then.” An ominous voice said. And so they set off again. Multiple decades later.... “Oi twilight” “Ya?” “This is canyon” “Ya” “Want to go through the canyon” “Hello” And so they went through the canyon. And then another. And then another. And then another. Until they reached the lands of Amogus, “AL BAQARA HENAN SHKEA” “Oi wtf bro hacks confirmed reported” Juan said sadly. And now, epic story, part 2, the sequel to desolate Forrest full of trees. Both twilight and Juan 2 were captured by the Amogusi tribe. “Oi bro were fucking hammed in the basket hmmm?”, Twilight said. “No escpapin’ or wae gon fuck up, you do not know the way” the Guard of Amogus camp 1 said. “Oh fuck I read about this in the two sister journal, the famed concentration camps of Amogus, lovely place, really, just look at the pool!” Juan proceeds to jump into the pool, instantly teleporting him to the 20 maze formation. “THOU SHANT NOT DIE IN THEES MAZE” a cheerful voice said. It was him. “Shan’t it be mare on the market?” Pinkie pie said King Amgous the 5002th of wales. Juan spent a while trying to escape, luckily twilight came and she had wings so they flew away, amateurs. “So where to now then?” Juan said. “Shit if I know, maybe the humanoidians” Twilight said in a exceptional desperate voice. “Hmmm, let us walk then” Juan said agreeably. “Isn’t as if we have wings, anyways” and the two walked for a while. Meanwhile. “Prince amogous! Twilight sparkle is here to join our side” the large talking dog said. “Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton Cotton“ Prince Amgous said. Subscribe to my patron and click the bell icon for this and over good films. He had mild drugs, this made him nonsensical, in a clever, intellectual way, what he was referring to was the ancient cotton trade between amogian lands and equestria via the great canoe, the national boat of the two nations is the canoe, they bonded over this, and lead to the creations of the royal sisters, the canoe sisters in old Amogian. Amohia was once a thriving place, full of cotton stores, cotton dealers, the cotton trade, the cottonangular trade, the cottonese civil war, the cotton rebellion, the 3 cottons war, and the cotton intercourse war, all of which killed a combined 58@); people. The theme song then plays for Juan. Temgachi l Monami Konami Nanemo Nanemo It then ended. Tired and sexually frustratedly Juan went to bed that night a happy and fulfilled dog, he would never lick his balls again. Author's Note Hey guys please subscribe and hit the bell icon also this was very fun to write please like like I never thought anyone outside of my friend grouo would see this any attention is good thank you!
The Great War part 1: Juan are unbreakableJuan walked over to his newly gained alley, Prince Amogus of the Amogese lands, wearing a body suit inscribed with the letters 666. “Owo a sinner thou art?” Amogus said eagerly. “Da, just like Ma used to say, AIDS is not funny”, Juan said back, beckoning with hostility. “Ah, such formal speak is pleasuring, May I propose a political union”, Amogus said, calmly. “Well sure” Juan said. Juan went on a holy tour of his new land, preaching the word of the lord and vanquishing all the sinners, he gained the allegiance of the flying shark people and together, planned an invasion of the lands claimed by prince Amongous, the 5002th ruler of the amogian lands. “Art cum thou shsihapinga imum 120, cameo, Mike Tyson”, Amogus said. “Ah yes, the famous 394 dash line of the ancestors” Juan said. “It was my families great honour to have ruled over this land in past, not by cum extracted, but by lineage, we ruled the ponazon, we ruled fillmanejaro, we ruled everything, whether it be his father, or his father, or his father, or his father, or his father, or his father, we still ruled, we knew the way, and the enemies, didn’t.” Amogus said, furiously. The crowd then applauded the two horses like there was no tomorrow, they died of heat exhaustion later, as the air conditioner was off. The theme of Juan then played: Temgachi l Monami Konami Nanemo Nanemo This is Epic Story, part 3, the first action packed novel by your man CumCock, and now, Epic Story, the war. In all the seconds they’d been gone from celestia grave, they had forgotten, she was the mouse and they were the springtrap, ready to be tuned to the mass likings, the love was gone, and celestia was still dead. “Art thou bro of thou art dumb thou art dumb cum imum Ezra?” Luna said curiously. “Thank you very much” Juan said back, lovingly. But then Twilight walks into the room with a shotgun. “OI YOU CHEATED IN ME, RACIST FUCKER I WILL END YOUR MOTHER FUCK YOUUUUYUUUUUUUUUUUUU” Twilight said, calmly. “Oi fuck twilight gonna get us rekt the big t8me if we shant’nt Team up to defeat this great monster” Juan said to Luna. “ART THOU RULE BRITANNIA” Luna says joyously. A firce due, then starts, the shotgun was a toy from the local hasbro store, speaking of which. This story is sponsored by Has-bro corporation, made by the has brothers. Twilight cuts Juans left leg off, he falls to the ground, she had finally beaten Juan Tamara Rodriguez. But wait! He is still alive. Juan goes on a melee with his wings and crashes into every building in canterlot, pummelling Twilight’s now very red body into them. “THIS IS FOR MOTHER YOU PIG BIG” Juan says strictly. “Bro I never killed her, **he** did” Twilight says confusedly. “HIM?! I WILL RAZE THE MULTIVERSE TO DESTROY HIS ASS” Juan says angrily. Both sides retreat for a refreshing cup of American soup at the tasty treat, now bought out by local government companies. “Velcome to zen tasting treat” Corander Cumin says sadly”. “Oi luv nice place I can just feel the freedom in here” Juan says. “America is number 1” Coranda says. The soul was nice, if very greasy, Juan uses his 20 dollars of gift cards to buy endless refunds, they were quite good though, he said they were probably 9/10 if the milk wasnt included. Meanwhile. You are reading epic story part 3, the first action packed story by your guy CumCock “OI LUV GHEYVE BROKEN THROUGH OUR LINES AND WE ARE GOING TO DIE THIS IS PANIC” Generic army Sargent 1 says. “Brb I need a ciggerte” Juan says. Juan then flies over, setting 50 world records on the way, he takes out 50 enemies by sheer will power, and then another 200 by repeat anti air combos, he then gets his personal anti air truck, and fires on the enemy city, accidentally missing the military and only hitting the housing estate, luckily, only 20000 were killed out of a population of 500, war refugees do that. And there in lies the beauty of this scene, we can see Juan 2 descend from an upstanding, brave, defender of justice and honour, into a cold blooded thief warlord tyrant who only cares about protecting his rank and being a sexual deviant, this, this is sin, and he will pay the price. SUDDENLY A LARGE ROC FLIES DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS. “KAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKKAKAAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKA AKAKAKAKKAKAM AK K AKMAK A K A KAKMKAMK AK A KAK AK K K AKA KAK AK K A KAK A KAK AK K AK A KAK AK A KKA K A KAK AK A” THE ROC SAYS “ITS DWAYNE, RUN!” Juan says. But it is too late, soon the roc is ascending to the heavens again, and now Juan is living in affordable housing, rather than a field tent, he complains about this, commits suicide mark 2, and gets to heaven part 2. —JUAN THE THIRD— Though not directly related to the Juan bloodline, Juan the third was still a dashing, intelligent, a brave individual, after hearing the news of his forebearers deaths, he vowed to unite the land and set up a coalition to kill the roc, and to restore order and peace to the nobility of old. “GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS, THE GREAT AND GLORIOUS, CUM MINER, GRAND ADMIRAL, SUPREME TANK COMMANDER, AND AA TRUCK HALF CYBORD, ASKS FOR YOUR SERVICES, WHAT WE HAVE SEEN TODAY HAS BEEN A COLLOSAL MILTARY DEFEAT, MADE WORSE BY THE FACT, THAT DESPITE HIS GREAT CRIMES, HE IS STILL UNTOUCHED, I CALL UPON YOU ALL, TO BAND TOGETHER AS ONE, AND DESTROY THE ROC, WE WILL ACCEPT ANYONE IN THIS GREAT PATRIOTIC ACT OF VENGEANCE, AND THE ONE TO BRING ME HIS HEAD WILL BE AWARDED WELL, LONG LIVE EMPEROR JUAN THE THIRD!” Juans letter to the warlords says. “Very good speech, my guy” Prince Amogus says. “Thx bro just spent 20 minutes writing that” Juan says back. Meanwhile. “Hey so Juan is back and wants to take us out big time.” The messenger pony says. “That’s what they all say” a mysterious voice says. “But he already owns the great south lands” messenger pony rebates. “Hmph, this Juan fellow may be quite the obstacle” Fluttershy says. She then has angry lesbian sex with herself, laughing maniacally, getting off to the mere thought of fucking up Juan. What will happen next! Will Juan III be victorious against the roc? Will fluttershy fuck him up? Find out next t8me on the epic story! Author's Note Yo guys get this when writing this, I was petting my dog.
The Great War Part 2: Juan silver windJuan the third stepped out of the amogus castle, by now it was concrete, due to la coubersire. “It has been long, longer than mincemeat in a cheery summers eve!” Prince amogus said, cautiously “Indeed, my friend, the other to rule the land lays before us, but first, order of business comes first, malady” Juan 3 said, knowingly -gay sex- Meanwhile, in canterlot “OI LADS LISTEN UP, WEVE GIT JUAN IN IUR SITES, HE IS DESECRATOR OF THE HOLY TROMBOLA, AND MOST BE PUNISHED, ANU CANNE DE LAMPORE THE FITHEEN YE DAFT CUNT”, Twilight sparkle, princess of the colour purple said. And so the war began Juan gazed upon the 700 river crossings, however was blocked by wall “PAY ¥20 AND GET PAST, LIMITED TIME OFFER” he was not amused. Juan flew to canterlot to ask for a student loan, but then. “CLOP POLICE, DO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHEYENNE”? the police said “Nope, sorry” Juan said. “Oh, sorry then, go along!” The police said Juan then broke into canterlot castle, where he faced down twilight for the last time. “So this is where it ends, eyyyyy?” Twilight said, ferociously “I guess so” Juan 3 said Silence Silence Silence Juan then bloated at twilights left rib, breaking it into 5 Twilight then uppercuts his crotch, he was a transgender though, so he was fine “HAHA, YOURE DUMB IF YOU THINK I HAVE BALLS” Juan said laghilbale “That’d explain a lot” twilight said, sneakily Twilight then punched Juan seventy times, Juan then pile dried her into the floor, then they both shouted “ow”. “OW” they both shouted. Twilight then blew up the north tower, causing it to come crashing down upon Juan, Juan, unamused, promptly activated his jet pack and used premium tier 5 missiles to fuck her up, twilight died, but then. “CACWCACWCCACWCWCCACACWCCACWW” THE PATRIOTIC BIRDS ARRIVED Hawk 1 stabbed Juan in the neck, not because they didn’t get along, but because of a code error, hawk 2 swoops in “CAWCA CAW CAW CA WCACCWCWCACCACWCCWC CAW” it groaned. Juan pulled out the knife of truth, stabs the hawks in half’s, and eats their hearts. “ classy” Juan said to himself, calmly. A day passes Then another And then one more. Juan sang some song, and muttered, “arteth this immense boredom?” “Aye pal, but we’ve gotten no clue where they’ve went” Twilight said after recovering from her untimely demise. The two then ate the deer of destiny, it was commonly described as being the most tender meat anyone could ever taste, however Juan the thirds cock was more so, so he was not amused, they both rated the deer highly, congratulating it on doing well in tasting good, the deer became the national boat of Equestria, because Juan IIi is now emperor of equestria. “Wait, I am here to save Snaejon, am I not?” Juan wondered. “Oh yea we should probably do that” Twilight agreed. Meanwhile. Princess Luna has set up a castle in the city of Rio de poneiro and the ponazon river was now her horizontal shower, it was a nice castle, but Juan knew of those all too well. “SHISHAPANGMA SHISH KEBAB IS WHAT I ASK FOR YOU CRETIN”, Princess Luna says to the humanoid tribesman Luna was once ruler of equestria, now she is fighting a gorilla movement against those who had usurped her, she fights like Bruce Lee, we call her, Bruce Pony. Meanwhile Juan and Twilight are following the great flows of the Ponazon down the Rio de Poneiro, but then “GAH THERES AN ARROW” Juan said disagreeably. “Oi these must be the humanoids, we must meet with them” Twilight said agreeably. “Fair words, but aren’t they enemy?” Juan said “Yes!” twilight said. They then swooped down to a dike in the river to meet with the chief of the local humanoid club. “Oui las baguette monsieur de la etats unis” the humanoid chief said. Twilight and Juan proceed to follow the chief down to Rio de Poneiro, however Juan’s hoofs are hurt from carrying, so he collapses. Multiple days later “Gotten fuck where am I?” Juan said “B O A T” Twilight said back They were on a boat. “Where are we headed?” Juan said “THE FUCKING CITY YOU CUNT” Twilight said. They then arrived in Rio de Poneiro, the place smelled very bad, likely due to the cheese facilities, Juan went to the Castle to murder a Princess Luna and continue his quest, but first he needed maps to the route beyond to save Snaejon. “Ah, greetings fellow pony, how do you do?” Luna said “ I do your mom” Juan said The two then went for a lovely stroll, Luna didn’t know what Juan III looked like, so she took him straight to the maps he needed. “Ah, there’s the maps, how did you find it?” Luna said “yes!” Juan said. Juan then flew to twilight who was on the boat, but then. Luna blasted the boat apart, babies were killed, the pets were killed, the tea was spilt, it was quite a state, Juan teleported to a random location to get away from it all with twilight, they ended up in the middle of the Ponazon Jungle, however. THE MAP WAS BURNT IN A BIT This meant that Juan couldn’t see where to go after section 81, meaning their whole mission may now be doomed. But then. A humanoid centipede approached, it was the messenger of the gods. “Aye pal Juan you are lit bruv” it said It then flew away. With this divine providence, Juan was reenvigruated and set out immediately north, befriending the people groups along the way, building up an empire to take on the warring states ahead, he may not have known where he was headed, but he was sure of one ting. Snaejon Must Be Saved. (sMBs) Juan was then hit by a premium artillery shell and subsequently died, leaving his reincarnate, Juan the IIII, to continue the great legacy and dynasty. WILL JUAN THE FOURTH BY VICTORIOUS? WILL Snaejon BE SAVED? WILL LUNA STOP HIS GREAT VISION? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON EPIC STORY, PART 4, PART 3 OF THE GREAT WAR, COMING TO YOU IN A FEW MONTHS TIME. Author's Note It is done.
The Great War part 3: The Juanese conflictJuan the fourth woke up from his mediocre bed, it was a bed of average quality, much like the bed of a 2 star hotel. “Oi pal we’ve got work to do” Twilight sparkle said chastisingly “aye” Juan said The Great War between Juan and Luna has been going on for 502 hours now, Juan needed to murder “Oi cunt we’ve gonna go invade” Juan said, joyously And so they set off to the great city of Rio De Poneiro, to kill “YOU CHALLENGE ME WITH TRICKERY? I DONT BELIEVE IN MAGIC” Luna says calmly as Juan approaches On a double deck gay barge party boat. Juan then teleports beside Luna “Nothing” “Personal “Bro” He then stabs her abdomen twenty times before getting hit in the eye, he now has an eyepatch, he looks very cool. Then the theme song plays. Temgachi l Monami Konami Nanemo Nanemo It then ended. “THOU HAVETH BROUGHTEH 100000 NIGHTS OF TROMENTOUS FURY, BY THE WRATH OF MOTHER CELESTIA WE WILL END YOU FROM THE HEAVENS WITH OUR UNBREAKABLE THUNDER GODDESS POWERS, OBSERVE INFIDELS THE MIRACLES WEOUGT BY THE HEAVENNSSSSSSS” Luna said before dying and promptly dying Just then a flying bus dolphin hits twilight in the face, killing her tenporarily. “oh fucken daym” Juan said And now he was the controller of equestria, he spent his time passing news laws, abolishing racism, banning the House of Lords, burning down charity hospitals, erecting giant statues of himself, transitioning equestria into a parliamentary democracy, you know, commie stuff. But then he remembered... “SNAEJOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNN” And thus he set off the finish his quest, by now snaejon was but a smattering of bones on the ground, but he might fix it You are watching Juan part 5 the first action packed story from your man cumcock And now the great quest to find the good things. Juan sets off into ponugyuan, the war state led by infamous populist leader ponald orbpone, he was an unreasonable pony, he had a very pointed horn which he would sometimes use to shank people with. Juan then meets up with Orbpone. “Aye pal need help I enjoy freedom” Juan said “Los senoras de peripanere” Orbpone says “Yes, kill the bus dolphin?” Juan says “Los belore Los giantess dos Las uno dos Sahara Nevado Mexico Cuba medilin cocacabana sugarloaf mountain Christ the redeemer Los hombres des Palma Los etatas unis fuerte bueno suerte, si senor. Orbpone said whilst smoking a black and red cigar which had his marking on it. “Yo that is a sick cutie mark” Juan says, pointing vaguely down at the horses cutie mark. “Diagrams” Orbpone says happily. And thus they set out for war against the freely elected democratic nation of Ponitinia But first they needed a solid pretext So they blow up the south tower of canterlot and blame it on the Ponitiniana, despite their leader, President Poney, denying it. And thus the war begins. The 200 divisions of the Ponugyuan armada charge into Ponitinia, killing millions of ponies and committing vast amounts of accidentally war crimes You are reading the firth chapter of Juan epic story, and now the war, who will win????? Juan charges into the enemy lines like a large dog, he then dies of liver failure The deer of destiny then is summoned, causing s nuclear explsooons destroy all of the battlefield Juan is reborn and stabs the enemy comander five times, ending the battle in a decisive Orbpone victory. The Ponitiniana then deploy the ultra boat, formerly the poorly made ferry from later, but now crewed by Captain Pones, his intent is to go to the capital city of Ponugyuans, Poneville, and kill 999999 people. “WE ARE SEEKING TO RESTORE ORDER TO THE UNIVERSE WE WILL END JUAN AND HIS TYRANCY HE IS ONLY IN THIS FOR OIL WE WILL SHOOT DOWN ANY UNLISCNENSED PEGASUS AND YOU HAVE ALL FORFIETED YOUR RIGHT TO LIVE CEASE T9 BE NOW OR ELSE” Pones says “Oh fuck” Juan says, flying into the ferry. “DONT YOU MURDER I HAVE TO SAVE SNAEJON I HAVE A FAMILY THERE” Juan says “SO WHAT? YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A POORLY DESIGNED POORLY MADE CHARATCER WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO BE THE BEST” Pones says clams “I WILL BRING HELLFIRE UPON YOU MY HEART IS AS SHARP AS A KNIFE AND I WILL CUT YOU DOWN” Juan says happily “KILL THE PONEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIEEEEESSSSS” Pones says “Nein” Juan says. Juan then punches Pones across the face, momentarily dazing him, ponies responds by piledriving juan into the ground with upgraded fish hook, bloodied, Juan gets Pones in a headlock and dropkics him into a nearby mountain, causing it to erupt and become a new volcano, the onlooking Ponugyuans flock to it and it becomes a great tourist magnet. Ponies then drop kicks Juan in turn all the way back to canterlot, destroying the rebuilt south tower, they then both teleport to the top of canterlot mountain as it is cool, like Juan. “FOR SNAEJON SHISHAPANGMA LUKAS DAS KONGISDABTH” Juan says whilst furiously biting Pones tail off, which also reveals that his genitals were fake, and that he is a millennial. “HOW CAN IT BEEEEE??????” Juan says cauusitously Then, Pones smashing Juan into the peak of the mountain, it is very edgy, so it stabs a hole in his chest, causing him to bleed a lot. “IF YOU LET ME KILL THE PEOPLE THEN THE WORLD WILL HAVE SALVATION” Pones says “NOT ON MY TERMS” Juan says should radeoing in backup in the form of Twilight. “Oi cunt let’s fuckin gettem” Twilight says Juan and twilight then touch their heads and direct a large massive beam at Pones, this beam is so large it wipes off the top of Canterlot mountain, meaning canterlot is now at the top of it, also making everyone in equestria blind. “YOU WILL SOON SEE- THE ERROR- IN YOUR WAYS-” says Pones, befor collapsing into a pool Juan then kicks Pones back to Ponugyuan, then uppercuts him into his ferry. Pones sits down at the back of the ferry, exhausted and dying of death. “EQUESTRIA IS NOW A BLIND STATE, FIGHTING WARS WITHOUT REASON, WATSING TAXPAYERS DOLLARS ON FRUITLESS ATTEMPTS AT WORLD PEACE, WHAT WILL KIILLING ME DO???” pones says before dying “Idk bruv but imo go get so diagirono pizza” Juan says. Juan then travels to the crystal empire to get some pizza from the now deposed Cadacne, it was meat feast with extra sauce, it was agreeable. He pondered then what to do, continue fighting or save snaejon. “AYYYYYYEEEEE WERE GONNA FUCKEM UP BRUV” Juan said. Juan the 4th then ran over to Ponitinia to meet with Orbpone. “Ohoh Los gigantism de Malaga puerto Los vienos mi amore amore Los diagres Los textbook photo Dias grandes, mi amore” Orbpone said “Sorry bro but you’re on” Juan said regrettably Juan then killed Orbpone, he then travelled to Ponitinia To discuss bus dolphin and the armistice, it was a good armistice, which stood up for most things which most people stood up for, but for now, the conflict was over, it was the end... Or was it? Snajon Snaejo SNAEJON JUAN REMEMEBRED HIS QUEST, AND WITH THE AID OF HSI GREAT ALLIES, HE WENT ONWARDS But now, snaejons corpse was a lame bird “Oi pal this is so hot” Juan said as he had intercourse with twilight in the Ponehara, this was funny as the desert was hot, and the sex was hot, it is very hot. “Ikr?” Twilight said agreeingly They were now nearing the hunting range and nuclear reactor, legends say cheese lived here, they were untrue. But then Juan noticed something odd “OI PAL WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A LARGE CIRCLE” Juan said! “By god” Twiilight said It then collapsed As it turned out the large circle was the cooling tower for the nuclear reactor long ago buried by the sands of time, there they met the deer of destiny and asked for its blessing for the trip ahead, it obliged, and then magicked in some moped-dongos, the premium car you can buy form your man Cumnock for ¥9.50 today! After negotiating the now dead forest, they entered the Fillymanejaro zone. “This fucking sucks” Twilight said “ I agree” Juan said back They were camping on the top of Fillymanejaro, the bruvshack is what they called it here, they have a large bar, marecum juice was the order of the day, and it was pretty nice honestly. “So where now?” twilight said “Ponestralia” Juan said grimly, before having an edema and dying. This was expected as there was no oxygen but he was just that good. He was then reborn as Juan the IIIII, the ultimate Juan. “YO CHECK U OUT BRUV PRAISE BE” Twilight said calmly “Yoyo my guy lets save Snajeon” and thus they set off Ponestralia was a boring place, hot, cold, and really mild, they gave it a low score because they found it really boring, but always remember SMBS Then began the final leg of the ultimate journey and epic story, the Ponges, Juan sat and reflected upon his 200 years of quests. “Uh, Juan bruv, why’d you stop the war back there?” “We were merely pawns in a larger geopolitical game, we had no individuality, we were guns for hire, and you know something bruv? I’m not going to die for some third world dictator who’s only goal is to distract the people from their suffering, all for the sake of some fossil liquid, are we as a society so bound to the idea of freedom that we’re willing to sacrifice what makes us civil? What makes us... Ponies? I love equestria but I would never kill needlessly for it, regardless of the potential gains in doing so” “Damn Juan that’s as epic a quest as any” Twilight said And with that they went to bed in a poorly made tent, which would soon be refunded. Wondering what’”” happen next on this... EPIC STORY Yo-yo thank you guys for reading epic story part 5 the end of the arc is near and we are soon to be enetering a new age of greatness. Author's Note Yo yo shout out to cumcockplays subscribe click the bell icon for good luck and a big Brian will cum to your god bless peace in Palestine god save cumcock
