Week 1: That's How You Do It!
Starlight Glimmer stared at the newcomers in disbelief. She knew asking the Tree of Harmony for help was a long shot. The six ponies needed to really use its powers were indisposed at the time. So, it made sense that her hopes rose when it actually lit up after her plea. That being said, what could an extra blue earth pony stallion and a red bat pony mare do?
The new stallion smiled and waved a hoof. "Beep po?"
"Pardon?" Starlight blinked twice.
The new mare brushed her mane with her right wing. "What's going down?"
Starlight cleared her throat. "Right, well... I realize Twilight made rules against this, but this is an emergency." Her horn and eyes glowed white. "Tahloongus Deedantridos!"
A couple bursts of magic shot the newcomers in their foreheads. Their eyes went wide as a bunch of nonsensical pictures flashed. As soon as it had started, the light show ended. Their vision of the brightly lit cave returned to normal. The stallion belched before quickly covering his mouth. In that magical exchange, Starlight had also learned the newcomers' names.
Girlfriend chuckled. "Sure, we can help with that."
The Boyfriend lifted a hoof, glanced at its flat surface, and then promptly did a quick lowering motion with his hat. He smiled with a hint of a twinkle in his eye.
Starlight grimaced. "Are you sure? I know I should trust the Tree's judgment, but this situation isn't like the usual magic-related disasters."
A new voice echoed through the cave. "And what, pray tell, is your usual magic-related disaster?"
The unicorn gasped before slowly turning around. A shadow reached out along the floor. Its wings threatened to cover all three of the occupants. Standing against the only exit was the embodiment of eternal darkness: Nightmare Moon. Starlight lowered her head and lit up her horn. She unleashed a large magical laser. Yet, it bounced off the Nightmare into the ceiling.
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Nightmare Moon smirked. "My foolish little pony, if the Princess of Friendship's magic couldn't hurt me while I have this rap demon's power, what made you think yours would fare any better?"
The Boyfriend promptly trotted in front of the mare. He pulled out a wireless microphone from thin air, twirled it around, and held it right below his mouth. "Bep skiboop!"
"Hmph." Part of Nightmare's mane funneled around and took the shape of a microphone. "I'll take that gibberish as a challenge."
Girlfriend whipped out a boombox from her mane, put it on the floor, and slapped "Play" with her tail.
(BF vs. Nightmare Moon)
~You little foals think you can defeat me?~
~We're full adults, thanks. You're just a meanie~
~Don't you know who I am? Tremble before me!~
~Sure! You're Nightmare Moon. But you're still a pony~
~The night will last forever! That was my life-long decree!
I will not back down ever! Prepare for nasty, broken dreams!~
~You think you're being clever? But you come across edgy
We say, "Never say never!" Your flow is falling at the seams~
~Ohhhh... so... lowly pony~
~Whoaaa... no... problem for me~
~You have no flight or magic! My night will leave you beaten!
The morning will never come... walk in darkness, lowly heathen~
~Your story may be tragic, and envy left you weakened
But tomorrow always comes. Step into the light and breathe in~
Girlfriend cheered, "Sick!"
Starlight rubbed her eyes. "What was all of that? So many cardinal arrows..."
Nightmare Moon had fallen to her knees. In her heated rap battle, she had marched further inside the cave. She was panting for breath. In contrast, TB was still standing firm. He even puffed up his chest for good measure. He tilted his head. Cracks were forming in the dark alicorn's helmet.
"Found you!"
A lighter presence made its way into the cave. The Boyfriend and Girlfriend looked uncertain. However, Starlight sighed in relief. The recent arrival stared at the tired Nightmare.
"Luna, please come back to us." Celestia reached out a hoof.
Nightmare chuckled defiantly. "Sorry, but your sister is in another cave."
Celestia glared. "What are you talking about?"
The helmet cracked and fell off in several pieces. As the shards of metal hit the ground, the Nightmare's body turned translucent. In a matter of moments, she vanished completely. Before any creature could say anything, a giant green fist reached out of the ground. It grabbed all of the sapphire-colored shards and pulled them away. There was a hideous shriek before the ground zipped back up. There was no trace of the damage the fist had made.
Girlfriend swiveled to look at her partner. "Was that who I think it was?"
TB nodded his head with fervent affirmation. "Mm."
"And who might you two be?" Celestia gave a curious glance at the ponies.
After some basic introductions were passed around, Starlight rubbed her head. "I really thought we'd be done with magic-proof enemies after Thorax destroyed Chrysalis's throne. But now, our enemy is some creature who can only be beaten by a rap battle of all things!"
Girlfriend shrugged her wings. "Just another Friday for us."
The Boyfriend smiled. "Beep beep, boppy-boo bop!"
"Oh?" Girlfriend tapped her chin. "That might work."
Celestia shook her head. "My apologies, I didn't quite catch that."
Girlfriend did some impromptu wing-curls with her boombox. "Why don't we teach you the basics of the rap? That way, you won't be stuck playing moral support."
"Hmm..." Starlight nodded. "Okay, I guess it couldn't hurt."
"We would be remiss to pass this opportunity." Celestia watched patiently. "How shall we start?"
"Like so!" Girlfriend set down the boombox and hit "Play". She opened her wings to their full span.
(Tutorial - Normal)
~Left... Right... Left... Right~
~One... Two... One... Two~
That's how you do it!
~Up... Down... Up... Down~
~Three... Four... Three... Four~
~Down, down, up... Down, down, right~
~Watch the beat... sing with me~
~Down-up-down-up... Right~
~Feel confident... and~
~Face the foe with heart and joyful noise~
...
~And a bit of ad-lib~
Both of the local ponies stared at the stallion in bewilderment. He seemed quite pleased with himself.
"What was that for?" Starlight asked. "The music was over."
"Skibop a doo." The Boyfriend grinned.
"Huh." Celestia looked down briefly. "I never thought of it that way."
"So, where's the next rap demon's hangout?" Girlfriend shoved her boombox away into the aether.
Starlight closed her eyes and her horn glowed. "If I recall what I saw on the castle's map correctly, it should be somewhere around..."
"... here!"
Before them was a window in the middle of nowhere. It radiated greens and purples in irregular spirals. Celestia's mane stopped waving for a split second as she stared at the opening. Girlfriend twiddled the claws of her wings.
"Bop... doo..." The Boyfriend breathed deeply. He held Girlfriend's hoof against his own. She smiled a little in reassurance, yet her tail remained stiff as the group ventured beyond the veil.
"Be careful not to trust anything as sacred here," Celestia warned the couple. "This realm is home to Discord, a master of chaos. He can make the rules of what is sensible completely void with a... wave?" She blinked twice.
Pillars with lights were floating perfectly level to each other's height. Geese were dressed up in suits and bowing politely to passing monkeys. A fountain of ordinary drinking water was spraying mist above a petite tub. Cockatrices had their eyes closed while paving the road to a simple house. Celestia and Starlight looked at each other with wide eyes before returning their stares to the setting before them.
"Somehow, this is more unsettling than the Chasm of Unending Spikers." Starlight trotted along, avoiding the critters working on the road.
"Or the bloodthirsty pianos," added Celestia as she briskly followed.
The Boyfriend and Girlfriend shared a shrug before tagging along with the ponies. The door opened, beckoning them to enter. Upon doing so, Starlight's jaw dropped. This room looked almost tit-for-tat like Fluttershy's living room, right down to a white bunny rabbit.
"Ah, yes. Come right on in, my little unexpected guests."
A pair of mismatched limbs hopped down the staircase two steps at a time. The body attached to those limbs was dressed up with a black suit. Coattails curled on either side of the creature's actual tail. A lion's paw and eagle's talon adjusted a red tie and a white mustache before lightly tapping a monocle.
"Discord?" asked Starlight.
"Oh, that was the chaotically rubbish that was the old me." Two different horns lowered behind the draconequus's ears. "I go by the title Accord now." He held his arms open. "How do you like what I've done with the place? Perfectly orderly, yes? I've convinced all the dust to leave before any pony arrived."
"Bop boo?" The Boyfriend tilted his head.
"Not that I know of." Celestia whispered back. "The last letter I received from Fluttershy indicated that Discord would cease to exist if he wasn't chaotic enough."
"Not a problem, Celestia." Accord smiled. "As long as I serve the rap demons, I can exist regardless of my alignment. What better way to ensure our breath with complete and infallible order?"
"They took our friends away and bound them!" Starlight shook her head. "Don't you at least care what they did to Fluttershy?"
His mustache twitched. "Not at all. She broke the demons' rules; she faced the consequences. Case closed."
The Boyfriend straightened out his ball cap and stomped his hoof. "Beep bop boh!"
"Ah, the competition that allows us to follow-through with our threats in this day and age. Very well." Accord clapped his front limbs.
Starlight Glimmer blinked. In that moment, she found herself strapped to a chair. Her horn was covered in a dark red cube. She tried to scream and move, but found she could no longer feel her jaw or anything that was supposed to be attached to it. All she could emit were muffled approximations of her voice. Accord clapped four more times. The Boyfriend and Girlfriend were zapped into the same predicament as Starlight.
"But seeing as you're the trespassers in my house, I get to decide on my opponent and the song." He dressed his eagle talon into a white glove and held a microphone aloft. "Win and you get to set them free. Lose and you'll never speak again."
Celestia took a deep breath and sighed. She magically floated The Boyfriend's mic in front of herself. "If I win, I'm setting all of you free." She stared directly into the draconequus's eyes.
"Now, didn't your mother teach you not to make promises you couldn't keep?" Accord tsk-tsked.
"My mother is dead." Celestia's mane waved over her eyes.
"I know." Accord's fang twinkled.
He nodded over to the white rabbit. Said creature cracked its nonexistent knuckles and proceeded to play a fast-paced introduction on a piano.
(Princess Celestia vs. Accord)
~There is a time and a place for all things
Order is the brand new fad and everything's so clean
Why not let the demons win? It's easier to give in
Do you think your mother would want you to fight?~
~But there's a time and a place for all things
Unexpected things happen all over any scene
Taking the harder path, may not yield safety from wrath
Yet fighting for a different reason's still our right~
~When has the power of choice ever been a beneficial one?
It's way too much stress to keep thinking when the task is done~
~A lack of differences lead to being puppets on a string
Just listen to how we improvise when we sing~
~Unity and destiny call all the shots
There is no room for letting chaos run amok
Surrender your struggling, let the demons do their thing
And stop resisting for your lost cause~
~But what about a pinch of spontaneity?
If you hadn't let Kindness knock and opened the door
You'd never have a respite or humility's light
To lead you to a friend and an ally's support~
"But-"
~In the brightest of days, or the darkest of grays
Remember that a bond with a care is yours~
The Boyfriend suddenly found he could move again. He, Girlfriend, and Starlight stood up hyperventilated for a few seconds. The screech of a fallen microphone caught their attention. Cracks formed around the neat and tidy living room. The draconequus ripped off his suit with his claws. An angry, electric guitar solo escaped his throat.
"Celestia, you goody-four-horseshoed neigh-knee! Why do you always have to get the last word?! You're a big, fat control freak! You know that?! No wonder your former student is such a neurotic mess!"
Celestia chuckled and let her magenta eyes show. "Welcome back, Discord."
His monocle popped off and splashed through the solid floor. He looked around at his abode and gasped. Quickly, he got to work snapping his talon. The white rabbit turned into a dust bunny and hopped underneath the couch. Misaligned stairs let up into an infinite climb to nowhere. A coffee table flipped over and gravitated toward the ceiling. Finally, the animals and road outside turned into a bunch of indescribable entities and structures.
"Cool," said Girlfriend.
"Beep," concurred The Boyfriend.
"Less importantly, who are the new lovebirds?" Discord crossed his arms while pointing with his tail.
"They're here to help us fight against the rap demons," said Starlight. "Will you come with us? If nothing else, at least for Fluttershy's sake?"
Discord twisted his horns around until they stopped in place. "As much as I'd love to rip a new black hole into the villain of the season, I can already see how my involvement would amount to Jack Squid... no offense." A passing blue squid warbled and shook its tentacle in irritation before floating away. "Any magic other than rapping won't do anything to them. Right?" His tail whacked the red cube off Starlight's horn.
Starlight rubbed a hoof against her horn. "Well, yes... but you could still be there for moral support."
"And hang out in the background with nothing to do?" A girl's prep school uniform suddenly wrapped around Discord's torso. "Have you even met me?"
"There's nothing wrong with standing behind the interesting stuff," said Girlfriend.
"I'm supposed to be the interesting stuff!" Discord waved his claws on either side of his face. "But I can't do that if our enemies cheat with magic-proof powers."
"Such as taking away body parts?" Celestia's tail stopped waving briefly.
"I only did that a few times." Discord stuck his tongue out. "Look, if you tell me where they are, I'll send you as close as I can. But I'm not going to hand myself over to them as a hostage. One time getting caught in a changeling cocoon was more than enough."
"That will be fine, Discord." Starlight lit up her horn and cast a small map display. "The next demon's signal is coming from around this spot."
Discord nodded once. "You'll bring Fluttershy back."
"Bop, beep-bo-bop." The Boyfriend placed his microphone into his inventory.
"Sure, the others too, if you must." Discord's wings shrugged before his tail fluff snapped.
They appeared at the entrance of a cave embedded in red rock. Starlight and Celestia lit up their horns as the group went inside. Aside from a few false alarm slips, the spelunking was uneventful. Eventually, the winding tunnel opened up to a more open room. Seven sets of eerie, red chains held up the missing ponies: Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Luna.
"It seems the cavalry has arrived," mocked a hissing voice.
"So they have," agreed a gruffer tone.
Panels opened to reveal two distinct figures. A formerly royal changeling and a large red centaur stepped into view.
Starlight magically pulled Girlfriend's microphone toward herself. "How about we just skip to the challenge?"
"Oh, I will enjoy verbally slaughtering you, Starlight Glimmer." Chrysalis stomped her hoof.
"Don't let your emotions blind you, Chryssie." Tirek tapped her on the head. "That's what defeated you twice."
"Projecting much, Tirek?" Chrysalis snapped. "You weren't exactly a robot when you lost your powers."
"Yes, but unlike you, I'm not afraid to admit when I've lost." Tirek crossed his arms.
"I didn't lose! Minor setbacks!" Chrysalis snorted.
"Go, Pico?" The Boyfriend asked.
"I think they're ignoring us," muttered Girlfriend.
"How did they ever work together this long?" Celestia shook her head in disbelief.
While everyone was busy watching the changeling and the centaur bicker, a gray stop sign on a pole swung in horizontally. The two villains' bodies glitched in a bit of static and dial-up noises. Almost as soon as the irregularity started, they vanished. A giant green fist was wrapped around the other end of the pole. The figure's face was covered in a gray hockey mask. Whoever this was, his entire body was jittering.
"So, is this guy on our side?" Starlight glanced around at her conscious friends.
The Boyfriend and Girlfriend shook their heads in the negative. Starlight turned forward to see a green index finger pointed in her direction. In the figure's hand was a microphone. While he didn't say anything, the word "Mistake" seemed to radiate off him.
(Starlight vs. Tricky the Clown)
*Unintelligible grunting noises*
~Shaking, twitching
Can't we talk about this?~
*More indistinguishable scratching throat sounds*
~I don't understand
But there's something amiss~
~Hack-hack-hack, cough-cough-cough, hack-cough-hack-cough
Tee-tee, cough-hack-cough, hack off, hack, heck tee-tee~
~We were kind of in the middle of a
Thing involving a rescue, until you dropped in~
~Hack, tee-cough-tee, cough-tee, hate, hate, hack-hack-hack, tee
Cough-cough, tee-tee-tee, stake, me-me, hack-tee-hack-tee-cough~
~While I might agree those two were really evil
That does not mean you can commit the greater of sins~
~Booting... hack-hack, tee-delete
Booting... hack-cough, dee-delete~
~Just who... do you think you are?
You think... killing will go far?~
Tricky's stop sign sliced off some of Starlight's mane. Celestia magically pulled the unicorn out of the way. At the same time, The Boyfriend galloped forward and slid into place with a grimace. Girlfriend took that as her cue to slap a different song into her portable speaker.
Meanwhile, the insane beast ripped off his mask. His mouth was open wide with jagged teeth. Those teeth were about the only significant feature on his face. He didn't have a nose or eyes. His bodily fidgeting was getting to a higher frequency.
(Tricky the Clown vs. BF)
~So much power, so much course
Seeing you all as mistakes to grind!~
~Since we've met, you've gotten worse
Like you will never be satisfied~
~Biting, teething, must reduce
Error-error-error, I must delete!~
~Calmly, swiftly, I retort
Even violence cannot beat~
~Grr! Mad! Kill! I'm gonna break until there's nothing left
None of you should have even been born
Burn this redacted world to putrid ash~
~Ah, ah, ah, I have to stop you there in your murder trek
You gain nothing from all of this scorn
Give your censored words a toss to the trash~
~Asdfrtyp... and die!
Zxcfmgbn... your cries!
Njkowqr... error!
Tfnzrstikv... suffer!~
~Bop, bop, beep, bop... bah, aye
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da... beep, bye
Ah, ah, ah, ah... hello?
In response to that how... 'bout no?~
~Improbable! Impossible! Give up in fire!
Control! Alternate! Delete! All the resources you eat!
Incomprehensible! Missing def! You are a plague!
Kill yourself and save yourself the wrath that is my blinding rage!~
~Options exist beyond what is purely black and white
Contain and redirect the hate! Gaining trust is a must! Don't waste your fate!
Possibilities are always shifting yet they exist. Never settled for a tryst.
It's a fact we watch our backs from the raps that miss!~
~Don't have ears, so I can't listen
To the lies that you are spitting!~
~Not dishonest, just pouring feelings
Into the battles that we are bringing~
~Don't have eyes, so I can't see
All the trash you throw at me~
~Standing here, it's plain to see
This rap isn't so tricky~
"You do not kill clown!" shouted Tricky. "Clown kills y-"
His entire essence was pulled backwards into a vortex. The end of that vortex spun right into one of Grogar's bells. However, the one utilizing the bell was not Grogar. It was a plain pegasus mare. Yet, she was rapidly growing the horn and the height of an alicorn pony. No, she grew even taller than most alicorn ponies.
Naturally, Celestia and Starlight gasped and stared in horror. They were sure that this particular pony had been sentenced to the Underworld. But here she was, filled with more power than what she had stolen previously at the school. The Boyfriend sweated as he felt an uncomfortable pressure in places he didn't know he had.
"Golly, you lot sure are stupid." Cozy Glow grinned. Fangs grew where flat teeth used to be. A pair of dark, curved horns grew on either side of her newly acquired alicorn. A dark blue helmet fixed itself back up and adorned her head. "Wasting all that time rap-battling the lesser demons. Now, I am the one and only rap-demon! With all these powers and immunity to non-rapping magic, all of Equestria's harmony will be reshaped in my image!"
Girlfriend inhaled deeply. "Sweetie, could you hold onto my boombox, please?" She placed the music player on the blue stallion's back.
"Beep?" The Boyfriend blinked in surprise.
"Wait, what are you doing?" Celestia asked as the microphone was snatched by an arrow-headed tail.
Starlight Glimmer fell to her knees as her strength left her. But the red mare flew overhead, with a red glow in her left eye. Cozy Glow kept using the bell. She tilted her head when Girlfriend didn't shrink. Instead, the bat pony's wings grew larger, her complexion more magenta, and a couple of small black horns through her mane.
Cozy Glow's jaw dropped. "Wait, you're a rap demon?"
"Always have been." Girlfriend smiled wickedly.
"Bop bop bop," laughed The Boyfriend.
"If you want your lucky vacuum cleaner to work on me, you know what you've got to do." Girlfriend spun her microphone.
"Hmph, fine." Cozy Glow activated an auto-tune spell. "There can be only one!"
(Cozy Glow vs. Girlfriend)
~Golly-golly-golly-golly
Golly-golly-golly-golly
Golly-golly-golly-golly
Golly-golly-golly-golly~
~Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah~
~Golly, golly, golly, golly-gosh
Golly, golly, golly, golly-gosh~
~Think you can just throw two words around?
Taking powers not yours to be found?~
~Who are you to criticize me?
You suck face with a guy who boop-bop-bees
Such a shady family hist'ry
How can you claim to fight for Harmony?~
~Racism, slander, and lies are your game
Driving the creatures apart in your name
Then you try to paint yourself as real plain
Who are you? Tsumugi Shirogane?~
~Golly-golly-golly-golly
Golly-golly-golly-golly
Golly-golly-golly-golly
Golly-golly-golly-golly~
~Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah~
~Golly-golly-golly-golly~
~Hallelujah, hallelujah~
~Golly-golly-golly-golly~
~Hallelujah, hallelujah~
~Golly-golly~
~Hallelujah~
~Golly-golly~
~Hallelujah~
~You're a filthy demon lady~
~Such a whiny, stuck-up baby~
~Golly-golly-golly-golly
Golly-golly-golly-golly
Golly-golly-golly-golly
Golly-golly-golly-golly~
~Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Ahhhh~
Cozy Glow's eyes glazed over. The bell in her possession rattled and clanged. As if someone flicked a switch, the entire instrument shattered in an explosion of colors. Cozy's size and extras were stripped away, leaving the bare body of a pegasus filly. Strength returned to the ponies on Girlfriend's side.
The captured ponies were released from their chains and fell to the floor. At the same time, three villain characters regained their existence in the physical plane. Chrysalis and Tirek immediately got into a tussle with their would-be ally, calling Cozy a traitor among other insults.
Rarity rubbed her head as her friends woke up in a similarly weary state. "What in Celestia's mane happened?"
"A lot of things happened," answered Celestia, "but none of them were in my mane."
Meanwhile, Luna blinked twice and tapped her face to make sure she was awake. "I wasn't expecting to see you like this."
"The feeling is mutual." Nightmare Moon stared back. "I'm not sure if losing that rap battle is what robbed my drive, or if I lost all of my interests by separating from you."
"What the hay is that supposed to mean?" Applejack leered.
"Maybe it means Black Snooty no longer wants eternal night!" Pinkie Pie turned on a light bulb that hovered over her head.
Nightmare glared metaphorical daggers before clearing her throat. "Laughter is correct. I do not desire a sunless eternity anymore."
"Then, what do you want?" asked Luna carefully.
Nightmare groaned. "For starters, I want that awful ruckus to be silent."
Every pony turned to watch the dust cloud, kicks, and gibberish between the trio of Grogar's former minions. The Boyfriend trotted up to his significant other. Girlfriend reverted back into the bat pony she was summoned as.
"Should we do anything?" asked Starlight Glimmer.
Without another word, Nightmare Moon stepped closer to the fray. She grit her teeth as a large pool of magic poured out of her horn. It splashed over the three bickering creatures. Everyone else watched aghast as stone encased all three of them: forever in anger, forever at each other's throats.
"Y-You can just petrify them? On your own?!" Twilight Sparkle's feathers went rigid.
"Hmm, maybe I do want something else." Nightmare Moon smirked.
She spun on her left hind leg to face everyone else in the cave. Her horn lit up in the same glow. Celestia and Starlight readied an action to counter spells, while the rest of the ponies braced themselves. As quickly as it started, Nightmare's magic fizzled.
"Wha...?" Rainbow Dash peeked.
Nightmare's smug look remained. "Oh, Tartarus. Looks like I'm out of magic. I suppose I'll have to wait a while before I can trap all of you in stone." She tapped her chin. "Five hundred years should suffice... maybe five millennia."
"You jest, surely?" asked Luna.
"Believe what you want." Nightmare waved her tail dismissively. "If you live the rest of your days in fear of the mere possibility that I'll petrify you, nothing would make me happier."
Fluttershy glanced across at her friends. "Um... are we supposed to thank her for... sparing us?"
Nightmare snorted while turning her gaze to the statues. "Save your gratitude for some creature that deserves it. In essence, the two artists that saved you from certain doom."
"Oh, right!" Starlight looked at the stallion and mare. "Thank you so much for everything. There's no way we could appreciate your help enough."
The Boyfriend shrugged and smiled. "Beep bop."
"It's what we do," added Girlfriend.
"I know how we can start showing thanks!" Pinkie Pie grabbed a widescreen bar and transitioned her whole group into the party scene.
Back in the cavern of a few minutes ago, Nightmare Moon continued to watch the three statues out of boredom. She trotted over to the petrified Tirek and applied magical pressure to his mouth. Cracks formed all the way through his hardened face.
~Your skin is freezing...~
Author's Note
I'm kind of surprised so few jumped onto this crossover idea.
Week 2: Would You Believe?
~Singing quickly is not enough
You've got to have sense of self
And you have to remain mindful of
Your opponent's state of mood~
~Getting sickly within the beat
Taking on the best of the best
Not as low as trick or treat
Gotta be awesome enough to pass the rest~
...
"Not bad, Rainbow." Starlight Glimmer glanced to the side. "Although, it looks like you broke your combo several times."
"Hey, as long as we're enjoying the competition, that's all that matters!" Rainbow Dash smirked.
After some refreshments at the party, someone had the bright idea to have some rap battles for fun. Starlight ended up taking on several rounds in a row against the others willing to try. The visitors The Boyfriend and Girlfriend had taken to sitting on top of the speakers. They were bouncing along to the various beats.
"Um, Princess?"
Twilight Sparkle turned to look at the voice.
Sweetie Belle tapped herself on the head before waving her hoof dismissively. "Sorry, I meant Princess Celestia."
Celestia lowered her neck so that her face was about eye-level with the filly. "Yes, Sweetie Belle?"
"I heard you also learned to rap battle against those demons. Is that true?"
Girlfriend's wings flapped several times while red sparkles danced in her eyes. "Oh my goodness, yes! You should have seen the look on Accord's face as she tore him down! Practically MasterCard!"
"Bop!" The Boyfriend seconded the excitement with a raised hoof.
Celestia smiled. "Oh, I'm sure anyone would have done the same in my position at the time."
"Aw, that's ridiculous." Spike crossed his arms. "Nobody can replace you down to a T."
"Thank you." Celestia brushed one of her feathers under her muzzle. "I think."
Sweetie gazed with wide eyes. "Wow. So, um... would you please show me what you can do in a rap battle?"
"What?!" Scootaloo tilted her head. "You want to take on Celestia herself?"
"Ah, that's not unbelievable." Apple Bloom gave Scootaloo a look. "It's not like she's asking for a magic or flying competition. Any creature that can talk can put words together."
Scootaloo remained unconvinced. "Some creatures can better than others."
"I don't see why not." Celestia looked over to the current set up. "Would that be alright with the rest of you?"
Rainbow Dash scratched behind her mane. "Well, I was about to beat my own score, but I guess I can wait for you, Princess."
On the other side, Applejack nodded and stepped down, forfeiting her turn. With that matter settled, Celestia and Sweetie Belle walked over next to the speakers. Several background ponies turned to watch this side of the room. They figured anything Celestia did was worth some attention.
(Sweetie Belle vs. Princess Celestia)
3... 2... 1... G-
"Excuse me!"
For a moment, everyone's faces looked dark blue and aghast. However, that moment immediately passed away. A mare with too many facial surgeries marched forward while dragging her filly along. Said filly with a crown accessory was avoiding eye contact with all of the stares.
"My daughter should take a turn now!" Spoiled Rich harrumphed.
The daughter tried and failed to pull away. "But I don't-"
"One minute, Diamond Tiara." Spoiled glanced at her before looking back at the princess. "If you have time to play with a blank-flank, then you have time for the next-in-line behind the richest pony in Equestria!"
Diamond Tiara looked incredulous. "Sweetie Belle isn't a blank-flank anymore-"
"I said, 'One minute, Diamond Tiara.' " Spoiled cleared her throat. "Now, you will let my daughter take part or you will hear from my husband about this! He won't be happy."
Applejack held Rainbow Dash by the tail. Twilight was busy countering whatever spell Starlight was charging up. Fluttershy hugged Pinkie Pie for support. Apple Bloom had her hooves tied up, restraining Scootaloo from galloping. Luna took a couple steps forward, but halted when Celestia shook her head. Sweetie Belle looked around at everyone, unsure of what to do.
Spike's ear fins twitched and he turned toward the new sound. The Boyfriend and Girlfriend were muttering to each other and chuckling. He pulled off his cap and gestured to the side. She nodded and flew over the small stage to face the mid-life crisis.
"Tell you what, hotshot." Girlfriend curled one wing out and the other wing inward. "How about a little warm-up first? If you win, you and your daughter can rap with the princess as much as you want. But if you lose, you've got to wait your turn."
"Excuse me?!" Spoiled Rich snarled.
"No, you're not excused." A stray glint reflected off Girlfriend's fangs. "That's my offer. What'll it be?"
Eyes gazed at the stammering Spoiled Rich. In that moment, Diamond Tiara slipped out of view. After adjusting her necklace, Spoiled regained a modicum of composure.
"A rap battle is just a sharp tongue and a strong wit!" Spoiled puffed up her chest. "Compared to my husband, you have neither!"
As the music started, The Boyfriend tapped his hooves to an impromptu percussion.
(Girlfriend vs. Spoiled ~~Milk~~ Rich)
"Aye!"
...
"Yeah!"
...
~All of that bark is a dog stuck on an old leash~
"Wait, what... Where did these arrows come from?"
~Haven't got any tricks to teach~
"Do I... go my left? Or her left?"
~Spoiled Rich, oh that's rich
Posing as a power-hoarding lich~
"H-Hey! That's not fair! I demand a restart!"
"Gyah!"
~Go call your husband, go call your daughter
That is all you are good for
But then the going gets you to lose all of your bets
Don't let the splinters from the wood hit you through the door~
"This just isn't my genre-"
*Crack*
*Beeoooo*
Retry?
Spoiled Rich fell over. Her tail firmly clamped itself between her legs. She was sweating bullets. Diamond Tiara slowly trotted into view, eyes wide and muzzle trembling. The rest of the party's attendees were clapping and congratulating Girlfriend's performance.
"Oh my Celestia!" Diamond shouted. "You killed my mother! You bat!"
Luna gasped. "How dare you falsely accuse my sister of wrong-doing?"
Celestia tapped Luna on the shoulder. "I think she was using a turn of phrase."
Luna groaned. "Can't children ever speak plainly anymore?"
Spike used his wings to hover in place. "This coming from Princess 'Royal Canterlot Voice'?"
"Not now, Spike!/Not now, Spike!" Twilight and Starlight shushed him in stereo.
Spoiled shakily lifted her hoof from the floor. "I'm... not... dead."
"In a minute, Mother!" Diamond flicked her tail.
With a bit of a dizzy haze, Spoiled chuckled. "Oh... that's... kind of... what I... said to... you... so funny..."
Diamond ignored her. "I demand to see your manager, and a wambulance for my mother's hindquarters!"
Girlfriend folded her wings. "Suit yourself." She turned around. "Sweety-kins, can you field this one?"
"Beep." The colt hopped off the speakers and galloped over.
"You?" Diamond tilted her head. "How are we supposed to come to an understanding through your thick accent?"
"Bop-bee boh?" The Boyfriend adjusted his hat.
"Didn't really want to do this, but fine. Whatever." Diamond sighed as the next song shuffled on.
(Diamond Tiara vs. The Boyfriend)
~What seems to be the problem, little pony, today?
Caught up in the hustle, what do you want to say?~
~My mother's hurting and you are the sources to blame
Taking apart the elderly, have you no shame?~
~Can't be sorry for truth
Part of rapping is follow-through~
~Are you joking me, sir? Do you see this as just a game?~
~Singing and speaking is life
Whether it is for good or strife~
*Bass drop*
~I can't believe
That you can be good and still slander with your mouth~
~But don't you see?
That there is an art to the way that we say, "boop-bop-bee"~
~If I'm a diamond, then why do I feel so rough
I'm as hard as a stone; even that's not enough~
~Is there something deeper to this whole state of fury?
You seem distracted with things like turmoil and worry~
~This isn't about me
Stop pretending it's therapy~
~Were you pressured to live up to standards instead of free?~
~Leading's my destiny
Don't act like you know all of me!~
*Cymbal crash*
~Yes, I believe
That you always wished you could be somebody else~
~No, you can't see
The ways I have tried to be the pony I want to be~
Diamond Tiara wiped her eyes. Drops of water continued to spill from them. She turned around and stood beside her mother. Another filly, Lily Longsocks silently lifted the unconscious mare above her head. Diamond nodded as the two trotted out of Sugarcube Corner. Nurse Redheart put on her cap and trailed the small group.
"Well, I'm glad that was settled without too many casualties," said Starlight Glimmer.
"You two have beautiful voices," Sweetie Belle said.
"Bo beep," said The Boyfriend.
"Aw, thank you." Girlfriend nodded.
"Wait a minute!" Scootaloo interjected. "In all the excitement, you never got your turn!"
"Oh, yeah." Sweetie Belle scratched her head. "I forgot. Do we still have time for that?"
Celestia hummed. "I still have an hour before I need to lower the sun."
Apple Bloom tapped a floorboard. "Sounds like a yes to me!"
The Boyfriend and Girlfriend took their respective seats, dangling hooves off the speakers. The party crowd had thinned down, but those still present seemed intent on watching this match up. Pinkie Pie passed a foam finger to Luna. The latter simply stared at the prop in bewilderment.
(Princess Celestia vs. Sweetie Belle)
1... 2... 3... Hit it!
~I just realized I don't know the words to this song!~
~Do not worry so; with rhythm, just follow along~
~Do we need to throw in insults, or is that bad taste?~
~Only if you want to and you feel it fits the pace~
"Well, um... alright. Here I go!"
~Your cake is not a main food group, your tea is bittersweet
And pawning off your work to Twilight is an anti-treat~
*Collective gasp*
"Ha ha ha ha ha. That is a good one."
~Sometimes you sound indistinguishable from your other friends
Shouldn't you be old enough to know means don't justify ends?~
~This feels weird. Can we back off just a smidge?
It's like the floor is lava while the ceiling is a fridge~
~Fair enough, even though it's just a start
There is time for quips and compliments so sweetened yet so tart~
*Epic guitar solo*
1-2-3! Hit it!
~So, lay it all out
Emotions are high
Even without stakes~
~Oh, I am the stumped
Still got to try
Whatever it takes~
~For dusk or for dawn
Sing out your heart
Remember: have fun!~
~More trust than a~ "Pawn?"
~From the very start
Doesn't matter who's won~
~Round and round the verses go/Round and~ "Another round? I mean-" ~Go~
~No pony knows the end!/No pony knows the end?~
~Let's finish with a high-held note/Let's finish~ "Higher? Wait, no!" ~Note~
~My little/My little~
~Friend!~
Sweetie Belle swore she tasted iron. But when she wiped her mouth, only translucent saliva stuck to her hoof. She closed her eyes while taking several quick breaths. She didn't even realize some pony was talking to her until they were all gathered closely around her.
"W-What?" Sweetie blinked twice.
"That was amazing." Twilight tapped her feathers against each other.
"You did spectacularly, Sweetie Belle." Rarity nuzzled her little sister.
"But, I lost." Sweetie Belle raised her brow.
"So what?" Scootaloo scoffed. "You managed to stand your ground and keep fighting. I say that still counts as a brownie point."
"Speaking of which, brownie?" Pinkie Pie offered a plate of warm, fudge-filled squares.
"Uh, thanks." Sweetie Belle levitated one treat in a gentle green glow.
"I'm glad I finally had the chance to witness your performance first-hoof." Celestia briefly bowed her head. "Many thanks."
"Wha...?" Sweetie Belle blushed. "I should be thanking you!"
Girlfriend chuckled. "This has been a fun little romp."
"Dah!" The Boyfriend agreed.
Author's Note
What do you think? Too much? Too little? I'm never entirely sure.
