Wrong Ways to Fantasize: Cadance Tries To Plan Her Daughter's Life

Chapters

Gecko-Roaman Style
Unpowered Flight
Love Makes Us Stronger
Bells of Brass

Gecko-Roaman Style

Sitting next to each other on the train, Shining Armor and Cadance watched their adorable little foal sleeping in her pram.

"Cady? Do you ever wonder what our little Flurry will be like, when she's older?"

Cadance smiled serenely. Smiling serenely was one of the most important princess skills, and she was VERY good at it.

"Sometimes," Cadance admitted. "I'm sure she'll be a good daughter. Or good enough, at least."

"Good ENOUGH?"

"Nopony's perfect. But I'm sure she'll be a credit to the Crystal Empire."

***

In a wrestling ring, teenage Flurry Heart charged at the much larger minotaur Iron Will. "RARRR!" she shouted.

Iron Will jumped out of the way. "Nice try, pipsqeak!" he said. "I've met turtles that were harder to dodge."

"You leave Tank out of this!" Flurry yelled. "Just for that, I'm going to tie you in TWO knots at the same time!" The young alicorn sprang into the air, using her wing assist to leap all the way across the ring at Iron and tackle him to the mat. Faster than the eye could see, she had him in a sleeper hold.

In one of the many tiers of seats above, Shining shouted, "Don't hurt him! We're running low on practice partners!"

Beside him, Cadance cheered. "You show him! Smash him for Tank! Rainbow will appreciate it!"

Shining yelled, "Rainbow isn't even here! And SHE wouldn't want you to run out of sparring partners either!" Shining stood up, hop-hop-hopped sideways into the aisle, and ran down to the ring. He checked Iron Will's vital signs. "Don't kill him, Flurry."

"Ok." Flurry let the enormous minotaur go. Then for good measure, she practiced artificial respiration and all the different CPR techniques on him.

When Iron Will woke up, he said with a slurred voice, "I thought the PRINCE was supposed to kiss the PRINCESS to wake her up."

By then, Cadance had joined her husband at ringside. "Flurry Heart is going to be different."

Iron Will asked, "But why? Isn't it enough to be a good alicorn princess?"

Anger flashed in Cadance's eyes. "Years ago, I thought Princess Celestia's magic could protect all of Equestria. But when Nightmare Moon tried to capture Auntie? Auntie Cee went down without a fight. And what about the wedding, when Chrysalis revealed she was impersonating me? Celestia tried to use her magic, but that nasty changeling queen's own magic was more than a match for Celestia's. And later, villains like Tirek sucked all the alicorn magic right up like it was nothing. And Cozy Glow was able to steal everycreature's magic just by being Tirek's pen pal! An eight year old foal!"

"Wow," Iron Will said. "Magic sucks."

"No kidding. That's why I'm determined that if magic fails my daughter, she'll have something else to fall back on."

"Just don't let her fall on ME again. I don't think I could take it."

Flurry Heart spoke up. "I've learned something important," she said. "So many times, some big, strong creature has held me tightly in his arms...his body so close to mine...touching and grabbing each other just about everywhere..."

Cadance blinked, but didn't interrupt. Although she looked like she really, really wanted to.

"Boys suck."

Shining said, "What, Flurry dear?"

"Boys suck. They're stupid weaklings."

"Well, honey...I suppose mares are fine too."

"I've wrestled mares too. They're not much good either. There's only one way that I think I could be happy."

Shining swallowed nervously, dreading the answer. "How? I mean..I HOPE..who?"

"The sister of one of Auntie Twilight's friends introduced me to somecreature nice." Flurry Heart reached out of the ring, into her athletic bag. She pulled out a small pebble and held it high. "Meet Prince Feldspar, the next Royal Consort of the Crystal Empire!"

***

Cadance's awareness returned to the non-fantastical train car in which she, Shining, and their little foal rode. The train was slowing down.

"Wow," Cadance said. "Is it just that being the Princess of Love tends to overpower things, or do my daydreams mean I'm really, really weird? Because I still think it's mostly a good plan."

Shining told his wife, "You're sweet, and caring, and...I know you love our daughter very much. Also, it's almost time to get off the train."

Unpowered Flight

"Mom, you know how sometimes a colt and a filly can do things together that can get them in a lot of trouble?"

Cadance wasn't really paying attention. "Yes, dear?"

"Well, it turned out that colt wasn't really an alicorn at all. He'd just glued fake wings to his back to try to impress me."

Cadance blinked at her daughter. "How did you find out, dear?"

"I told him, hey, let's go to the palace and play a game that my mom and my pop used to play together. If it wasn't for this game, I never would have even had a chance to be born!"

"Dear, I think you might have given him the wrong--"

"So I led him into the palace, and up the stairs to the balcony, and I grabbed him and picked him up and threw him off the balcony. Just like dad used to do with you."

"Dear, I think...WAIT. Wasn't a DIFFERENT fantasy the one where you were a super-wrestler? How did you--"

"Aw, Mom! You know a true alicorn has earth pony strength."

Cadance frowned. "I guess that's true. But about this colt! How is he? Is he alive? Is he in the hospital? Should we send him flowers?"

Flurry Heart explained, "Mom, you know if colts get away with LYING to try to...YOU KNOW WHAT with me, we'll never hear the end of it. The Crystal Empire will be wall-to-wall scrubs. Haven't you ever met Fluttershy's brother, Zephyr Breeze?"

"I've never MET him. I've heard stories."

"Do you want the entire Crystal Empire to be six ponies deep in stallions just like him, waiting in line to try out their stupid lines on ME?"

"Ah. So, you don't want to send flowers, or a get well card, to this unfortunate colt?"

"I took pictures of him in his stupid fake alicorn wings. Both before, when he was so handsome, AND after he'd crashed and broken his stupid face. Let's make lots of prints, and give them to the newspapers. I want everypony in the world to know what happens if you--"

"Doesn't that seem a little harsh? What will ponies think? Will colts be afraid to ask you out on a date even if they're telling the truth?"

"Also, mom, I think I'm a lesbian."

Cadance sighed. "Well, if we want a real dynasty, with grandfoals, I guess Shining and I can try again..."

An elderly pony in old-fashioned clothes wandered into the room. "I can't stand for this!" he said. "Alicorns are immortal, and they eat a lot, and you are trying to fill the Crystal Empire with wall-to-wall useless royals--"

Shining's voice came from somewhere. "Cadance! Cadance!"

"What is it, Chancellor Puddinghead?" Cadance's eyes opened. She must have fallen asleep at the breakfast table again, but now she was awake.

"It's time to go to the meeting with Parliament. Also, PLEASE don't call any of the MPs 'Chancellor Puddinghead' again, when you're there."

Cadance smiled serenely. "I wouldn't dream of it."

Love Makes Us Stronger

"Isn't our daughter lovable?" Cadance said.

"You know she is," Shining agreed.

"I mean, isn't she the most lovable little filly in all of Equestria?"

Shining looked at the foal sleeping in her crib. "I suppose? But you know, a lot of other parents love their foals more than anypony else in the world, too."

Cadance seemed a little petulant. "But Shiny, honey...our daughter's love, and the whole Empire's love for her, powers the Crystal Heart that guards all of us from the nasty, cold blizzards outside the borders. She's like a one pony Windigo smashing machine! And she's still a little foal. Imagine how much stronger she'll be when she grows up."

Shining knew better than to argue with his wife, when she got into a mood like this.

"She's so good with love magic already. By the time she's an adolescent, she'll probably be able to draw unlimited strength from everypony's love for her, and use it to crush her enemies."

Shining couldn't stay silent. "But honey...you're making her sound like a changeling."

"She won't HURT anypony. She'll accept their love, and return it even stronger. She'll be like a little love monster. OUR love monster. She'll be like a GOOD changeling."

"With King Thorax and his friends, we already HAVE good changelings." Shining scratched his already frazzled head. "Honey, are you thinking about a dynastic marriage with Thorax? I'm not saying that would be bad, but I am saying it's too soon to decide something like that."

Cadance shook her head. "Our daughter won't be like a good changeling. She'll be like the BEST changeling." Cadance gently patted her daughter. "Don't you think Thorax and all the other changelings would fall down and worship anypony so adorable, asking nothing in return?"

"Sure, dear. Let's start a new cult."

"I knew you'd understand!" Cadance said. "So anyway...let's go to bed now. I think I'm so tired I'm delirious."

Shining put his wife's nearest foreleg over his shoulders. "I think you're right." He helped her to bed.

Bells of Brass

As Flurry Heart had grown from foal to filly, and grown into an older filly, she'd explored some different hobbies. This hobby, however, she liked best of all.

"Mom," Flurry said, "You remember how Grogar's Bell was the key to controlling his power, and preventing him from conquering all of Equestria and the Crystal Empire?"

Cadance reached up to touch the ear protectors covering her head. "What, dear? Did you say something?"

Flurry pulled off her own pair. "Yes! I did!"

Cadance meanwhile was pulling off her own. "No need to shout, dear. Just wave at me and take off yours, and I'll take off mine."

Flurry laid her hammer down gently on the forge, and raised a large brass object high. "Behold! I have recreated Grogar's Bell!"

"That's very nice, dear."

"But mom! It's the key to saving all Equestria! If Grogar ever comes back, I mean."

Cadance stepped closer. She looked at the bell. "May I?" she asked.

Flurry nodded, and Cadance took the bell in her own magical levitation field. She examined it closely. "I suppose it does look a lot like the pictures in the books. But how do you know it really works?"

Flurry smiled proudly. "Because I made a whole test batch!"

"Huh?"

Flurry pulled another bell out of a drawer. "Behold! Cadance's Bell!"

"What?" Cadance squawked.

Flurry rang the second bell, and the one in Cadance's field fell. Cadance's magical glow was gone. "Now tell me to wash my hooves! And tell me I can't stay out until eleven with colts from the Vocational Ed program!"

Cadance's mouth opened and shut, but no sounds came out.

Flurry Heart smiled mischievously as she pulled out another two bells. "Watch me make my Grandaunties move the sun and moon up and down at my command!" She grabbed her mother by a fetlock and led her outside.

Cadance sat up in bed, suddenly awake. She elbowed Shining.

"Whut?" Shining muttered.

"Dear? We should be more careful what we eat at those diplomatic banquets. Although I DID just have an interesting idea. I wonder if it might work?"

Shining grumbled, "Was it another idea to make our daughter the most powerful creature in all of Equestria and beyond?"

"It...MIGHT have been..."

"Tell me about it in the morning. But now, let's go to sleep." Shining rolled over, and soon he was snoring away.

Cadance pouted. "It MIGHT work. You can't prove it wouldn't. Not unless we try it first. I wonder how long it would take to teach our daughter to be a master smith?"