Author's Note

I wrote this over a period of one month and couldn't get anyone to look at the chapter before I caved in and decided to publish something. If it's a little weird, don't be shocked. I winged most of it. (heh)

Masturbation is the leading cause of glockoma

Gallus sat up in bed, the feathers on his neck standing straight out. There was a noise outside. He was sure it was there. The griffon glanced over toward the window and it was there that he saw it. Two eyes, wide and glowing brightly, stared back at him. Panic rising in his chest, he reached over toward the nightstand and tugged the lamp's string.

A portion of the room was filled with light. Gallus looked back at the window and the eyes were gone. He breathed a sigh of relief. After the horny aftermath that ensued back in his dorm room, his whole state of mental awareness had been on the fritz. Every little creak, down to the yearning of the wind, caused him to jolt in terror and search his surroundings immediately.

Gallus brought a talon up to his face and felt his right cheek. Swollen. His entire body was sore all over, and there were even a few scratches on his stomach where some glass nicked him after jumping out the window. The pain in his cheek was undoubtedly the worst, but it was all bearable, to say the least. What wasn't bearable was being forced out of his room without even getting laid.

He was still horny.

The griffon sighed. Reaching back toward the nightstand, he slid its drawer open and pulled out a remote. Turning on the TV, he began flicking through channels in search of something even vaguely sexual that he could relieve himself to. Most of the channels, however, primarily consisted of ponies as the main cast. After tonight's events, ponies were the last on his list of sexual desires. He wanted a bird. Particularly, a sentient one. Not... you know... okay, but to be fair he's also a bird and it was only one time during that nature documentary...

Twice during the nature documentary. And he cried a little. A lot. He cried a lot.

Gallus couldn't find any nature documentaries, but after surfing through channels for an agonizing three minutes, he turned to the TV guide and started to scroll past various titles. He continued to scroll until he found a title that startled his penis into a sudden solute: CHIXXX.

Euphoria. He hit the select button, the scene of a pegasus with a broken wing dangling on the side of a skyscraper shifting into a block of text. At the top of the screen in capital letters, big and bold were ACCESS RESTRICTED. Gallus groaned loudly, slapping the remote to his side. He wasn't ready to pay another masturbation bill.

You must be 18 years of age or older to view this channel. For help please call the service desk.

Gallus thought about it, and when he really got down to it, that inevitable brief bliss of euphoria triumphed over all thoughts. He would pay the masturbation fee, and he would make the most of it.

"Hello?" The mare on the other end of the line said. Her voice sounded like it would belong to someone who owned an EVERY MONDAY SHOULD BE A DOOMSDAY GIVEAWAY mug.

"Yeah, uh, I'd like to unlock channel seventy-four." The phone was already becoming sticky with his sweat as he cradled it up to his ear.

"M'kay, and we gettin’ frisky tonight or are we feelin’ a lil bit lonely?" She made a smacking sound that could easily be attributed to the chewing of gum while being an absolute bitch.

"That's personal info, you know."

"I have to know in case there's a second creature in there with ya, otherwise you'll be charged extra."

Gallus began to inattentively twine and untwine the phone's spiral cord around his claws. He shook his head at nothing in particular. "Just me."

"Ah, lookin’ at the TV guide right naw. That's a good one. Won't spoil the endin’ for ya."

"Thanks, I guess?"

"M’kay, channel should be comin’ on for ya any moment. Anythang else?"

"Nope. All good."

"Kay kay, I'll be here if ya need me." Silence on the other end of the line for a moment. “Not like that.”

Gallus hung up the phone, the channel turning on just as he did. In the center of the screen was a bright yellow griffon, drenched in a thick white fluid which he could already guess at what it was.

"Drats, you spilled your milk all over my body."

Okay, so maybe not the thick white fluid he was thinking of, but it was still enough to make him whip out his dick.

The male griffon cupped his talon beneath the female griffon's beak and looked into her eyes. "Dayum girl, I bet yo mama raised you pure."

"The only thing purer than me is my virginity."

"I'm boutta turn yo virginity into dystopian literature."

The movie itself was intriguing. After the mention of dystopian literature, the female griffon proceeded into a tangent about the contemporary writing of Griffonstone. Meanwhile, the male stood there staring for an uncomfortable amount of time before finally saying, “I agree.”

Cut to the next scene, and they are in a book club. Gallus remained invested in the plot, dick in hand, waiting for one promiscuous moment. Finally, the two birds snuck away into the restrooms, and the female griff got ready to jerk the male griff off. Gallus got his own cock ready, waiting to follow the motion of her delicate talons…

“Hi there!”

“Ahhh!” Gallus screamed. He rolled off the side of the bed and banged the back of his head against the nightstand, dragging the bedsheets down with him.

The voice. It sounded familiar. Was she really here? Groaning, he sat up while rubbing his head, and opened his eyes toward Silverstream, who was hovering in front of the TV. Only… it wasn’t Silverstream. Well, it was her, but her feathers had far more glitter than usual. Also, she had butterfly wings instead of bird wings. In her right foretalon she held a stick with a star at its tip.

“Silv, what are you —”

“Greetings Gallus,” she cut him off. “Don’t be frightened. I’m your —” she waved both foretalons above her head, sparkles falling from midair “ — Chastity Fairy!”

Gallus looked at the Chastity Fairy for a long moment, scratching his head. “Okay… what’s that.”

The Chastity Fairy bonked him on his head with her magic stick. He could hear loud moans coming from the TV behind her, but she ignored it. “Silly, I’m here to make sure you stay pure until you do it with the one you love!”

“You mean Silverstream, right? Is that why you look like her?”

“Yep!”

“Right,” Gallus said. He pointed at her. “So do we…”

“I’m married.”

“Ah.”

Gallus climbed back onto the bed, pulling the bed sheets over him. Mostly to cover up his exposed donger.

The Chastity Fairy crossed her arms and gave him a tsk, tsk look. “I don’t know why you bother to cover up. I’ve seen you jerk off so many times that I can’t really say I care if you have your cock out.”

Gallus’s face grew redder than his promptly abused cock. “So you’ve seen…”

“Yeah, you should probably see someone about that nature documentary fetish. But I won’t judge. It’s all part of my job.”

“Right,” Gallus replied. “So, uh, why are you here?”

The Chastity Fairy zoomed in toward him, her face barely inches from his. “I’m so glad you asked! You see, every young creature — such as yourself — gets assigned a Chastity Fairy once they hit puberty. Our job is to help guide you through life as you slowly peak into sexual maturity. If we do a good job, then you don’t even see us! Except for now, of course.” The Chastity Fairy’s head fell back. The excited smile on her face grew stiff and gradually edged into nervousness. “Now it's a little different.”

Gallus raised a brow and tried to ignore the loud smacking sounds coming from the television. “What do you mean?”

“Uh, w-well you see… there’s been a disruption. Umm… did your parents ever have ‘The Talk’ with you?”

Gallus shook his head. “No. I never knew my parents.”

The Chastity Fairy slapped a hand to the side of her head. “That’s right,” she whispered to herself. “Callus was the one with parents. I knew I’d get the two mixed, dammit. I should have filed Gallus under O for or—”

“I’m right here!”

“Yes, yes—” the Chastity Fairy waved him off with both foretalons. “The Talk. Let’s get started.”

The Chastity Fairy’s wings stopped flapping and she gracefully fell from the air, onto the bed. She laid down on her stomach beside Gallus and began. “When two creatures fall in love with each other, they kiss. If the two share a passionate kiss that’s really long and intimate and full of saliva, they get a little frisky. Nine months after they do the shimmy-shank, a baby is born.”

Gallus nodded. “Yeah, I know this.”

“Ah, so you won’t need me to explain the rest then.”

Gallus tilted his head at her. “The rest?”

“You already understand the process of procreation. There’s no need to explain the part about how the friction generated during penetration is powerful enough to turn the whole planet into a cosmic battery of sorts that keeps the entire universe running whole. You know, just the little things. The power of horny is indescribable.” She tapped her beak for a moment in thought. “Well, I guess indescribable describes it.”

Gallus’s face grew flatter than the Earth. He sat there for a long moment, taking in her words. “So, why are you telling me this now?” He finally said.

“Because your first attempt at getting laid was a failure. You see, when two who share a single heart begin the process of hankey-spankey the atmosphere around them electrifies and transfers into space. The power of horny is so powerful, that if it is not contained soon enough, it could open a blackhole and suck the whole Earth inside it!”

Gallus gulped. “Wow, that’s…”

The Chastity Fairy waved him off. “Relax, there’s only a 0.000001% chance of that happening since everyone else in the world can just fornicate.”

Gallus breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good. But, uhh, that doesn’t really explain why you’re here.”

“To set the universe right!” The Chastity Fairy blurted. “You missed the opportunity to have passionate, hot, steamy sex and that has to be fixed! Losing your virginity is a very important part of sexual maturity, and it’s only customary that you abstain from all other sexual acts until you do the deed your mother frowns upon.”

Gallus frowned at her. “So, I’m not allowed to… touch myself… until I lose my virginity because I already started to get laid but didn’t finish?”

“Sort of. It’s more like it has to be with the one you love and no other girl, otherwise I’ll be forced to glock ya. It’s a religious thing. I wouldn’t want to bother you with the logistics of it.”

“So, what I’m taking from this: I can’t do anything sexual by nature until I lose my virginity to Silverstream and specifically Silverstream?”

The Chastity Fairy nodded. “Correct.”

Gallus looked back at the TV, then back at the Chastity Fairy, then back at the TV. Then he looked down sadly at his penis. “Can I just…”

The Chastity Fairy pulled out a gun. “What did I just fucking tell you!?”

Gallus fell out of bed again, hitting the back of his head against the nightstand. Again. He sat up, rubbing the spot that really hurt and wondering if he should see a doctor about all the head trauma he had endured tonight.

“I just wanted to —”

Taking to the air, the Chastity Fairy hovered over him, beak-to-beak, glock to cock. “Let me put this in a way you’ll understand.” Her voice went from Silverstream’s bombastic enthusiasm to a demon with throat cancer trying to force out his poorly-worded speech during a smoker's intervention. “You touch your cock, I glock it off — no matter if I’m off or on the clock. I’ll glock your cock off the clock and replace it with chalk.”

Gallus was at a loss for words. Then, as they gradually reformed into his brain, he picked them carefully. “What did that last part even mean?”

She pressed the gun further into his groin and yelled, “It means all that’s going to be left of your dick is an outline!”

“Okay, okay!” Gallus screamed. “You got me! I won’t do anything remotely sexual of any kind until me and Silverstream do it.”

The Chastity Fairy continued to hold the gun up for his private parts. Beads of sweat were forming on Gallus’s brow, the intuition that she was about to pull the trigger at the forefront of his mind. He breathed a sigh of relief when she pulled the gun away and it evaporated into a million glistening sparkles.

“You better…”she said, and she too evaporated into a million glistening sparkles.

Gallus cried himself to sleep again that night.