BAWSS, I HAVEA THA CANCA

by Spazz Kid

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Profanity, Random, Dark, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 1302

A strange pink creature has been spotted near Ponyville, shouting profanities, causing the Main 6 to be called to action. Stuff goes down.

A strange pink creature has been spotted near Ponyville, shouting profanities, causing the Main 6 to be called to action.

Stuff goes down.

(Rated M for very sexual and offensive stuff said by Pink Guy)

Published 2021-04-23 00:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-04-23 00:20:01 UTC

The Pink God

A pony is walking down the street of Ponyville.

Well, I mean, lots of ponies are walking down the street, but we're focusing on one, so shut up.

Anyway...ahem... a pony is walking down the street, minding her business, carrying a basket of oranges on her back.
She's humming a little song to herself, which I personally don't know the name of, but you probably do.

Wait, you can't hear it - fucking! Nevemind! The song she is humming is not important! All you need to know is that she is humming something!

She was so distracted by the fact that she was humming, or something like that, she walked all the way to the edge of town.
Now, she would have kept going, being unrealistically oblivious to everything around her, if not for a loud, mentally disturbed, shout next to her -

"Aye Bawss!"

The mare stopped immediately, and began to look around, thoroughly alarmed.
She had never heard the voice before.
Of course, she could have easily forgotten the voice.
She can't remember the voice AND name of everypony in town!
That's impossible!

After looking around for a solid 4 seconds, she found the source-

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaye, give me the pussy, please?" It was a tall, bipedal creature, which was wearing an odd, bright pink suit.
It stared down at her with a terrifying grin. "Please?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" The mare screamed, and ran away, dropping her precious oranges in the process.

"Bawss?" The pink-clad creature asked, sounding slightly worried, but wearing the same, unwavering grin.

***

It was approximately 12 minutes and 34 seconds since the orange obsessed mare spotted the pink biped, and Twilight Sparkle had gathered her friends to discuss what to do.

Twilight had some idea of what the creature could be, but not exactly how it got here.
Still, she thought it best to talk with her friends about it.

"So, let me get this straight." Rainbow Dash began. "There's a... hu-mane.. on the outskirts of town?"

"I think.." Twilight said, tapping her chin with her hoof. "I'm not entirely sure."

"So, do you think it'll hurt anypony? Has it hurt anypony?" Applejack asks.

Before Twilight could answer, something burst through the door.

"BAWSS, I HAVA THA CANCA!" A voice booms.

Everyone turned to see what it was-

There it was.

The human - like thing.

Rainbow Dash was the first to retaliate - like usual - standing up as quickly as possible, and jumping up to fly at it, before actually registering what it just said.

"Wait.. really?" She asked, actually worried.

The creature nodded quickly, breathing heavily.

"Why are you still smiling?" Rarity asked, somewhat skeptical.

The creature simply shrugged, no longer smiling, but instead frowning. "I dunno."

"What.." Applejack began.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT!!!" The pink creature screamed, pointing at Applejack.

Fluttershy fell out of her chair with a painful thump.

"Wh-"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It screamed once more, somehow louder, and sprinting at Applejack.

"HEY!" Twilight yelled at it. "STOP!"

The thing continued on, screaming and running at Applejack.

Nopony expected what happened next-

The thing swiped Applejack's stetson off of her head, and put it on with its unsettling grin, wiggling its tongue around, making odd noises.

Everyone watched as the creature laughed triumphantly, throwing its forelegs into the air.

"What the buck, dude?" Rainbow Dash yelled.

The creature slowly lowered its forelegs, and turned to look at Dash even slower as its grin widened. "Mmmm, yeeeesss."

"You don't do that!" A wild Rarity hopped into the conversation. "You scared us half to death!"

"Yeeeessss..." The creature... purred?... once more.

It then sprinted out of the throne room.

"Hey!" Applejack yelled. "GIVE ME BACK MAH HAT!" She then sprinted out after it.

Everypony sprinted out as well.
Well, by everypony, I mean everypony except Fluttershy and Spike.

Fluttershy because she was unconscious on the ground, Spike because he's a lazy fat-ass, and can't be bothered.

***

Pink Guy didn't really understand what was going on, but that didn't bother him.

All that mattered was that he had finally found a hat, like he initially planned.

Now, it's time to get of the closet.
It was a lot bigger than he remembered...

"HEY!" An annoying southern voice yelled from behind him. "STOP NOW, AND GIVE ME MAH HAT BACK!"

"🎶Shut the fuck up, you're a fucking cunt ~🎶"

"THE BUCK DID YA JUST SAY TO ME????" The horse thing yelled, running faster.

Luckily, Pink Guy runs from the cops regularly, so he had practice.

Unfortunately, he did not factor in the possibility that they could teleport, which is what the all purple did right in front of him.

Fortunately, Pink Guy was tall enough to jump over it.

"Oh no you don't!" It yelled at him, and something pulled on his foot, bringing it down to the ground.

"Hm?" Pink Guy looked down to the ground. "Wh - GAH!"

Suddenly, two small things things crashed into him with the force of a freight train.

***

"So, how are they, doc?" Twilight asked the doctor, who was looking at his clipboard.

"Well.." Doctor Ashnidon started. " Rainbow Dash and Applejack are going to be fine, with a few broken limbs at the most."

"And the human?"

"Uh..." Ashnidon looked to his clipboard, and nearly dropped it. "SWEET CELESTIA!"

"WHAT?" Twilight asked.

"He..." Ashnidon suddenly looked solemn. "He has the worst case of cancer I have ever seen."

Twilight gasped. "What?" She suddenly felt something stab at her heart.

Metaphorically, of course.

"See, bawss?" A voice behind them suddenly said, causing both of them to shout in alarm. "I hava the canca!"

"Mister... whatever your name is?" Ashnidon asked, absolutely astonished that the apparently terminally ill biped could even speak. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"Pizza." Pink - thing said simply.

"What?"

"Can I have sumofthe pizza please?" Pink Dude asked.

"We, uh..."

"Actually, nevermind." The pink human said, no longer smiling. He reaches up to his head, and pulls back the pink on it to reveal black hair. he pulled a pair of wire-rimmed glasses out from behind his back, and put them on. He adopted a deep, raspy voice. "Yeah, this isn't fucking funny anymore." He then turned to this left. "Well, yeah guess that's it. See you later, you disgustingly beautiful bastards!"

Then, to the shock to the doctor and Twilight, he simply vanished, never to be seen again.

And that is the legend of the Pink Guy. He is no longer in Equestria, though detectives have tried to find a single trace of his existence, but they only have eye witnesses to go off of.

Though, while he is gone, some of said, that if you listen closely, you can still hear something, a melody heard every night, exactly at 9 o'clock...

🎶It's Filthy Frank, motherfucker-🎶

"Well, that was stupid." Rainbow Dash said.

"Dash!" Sunset looked at her friend in disbelief, closing the story in front of them.

Sunset Shimmer and her friend Rainbow Dash were hanging out by themselves today, due to their friends having other plans today.

Now, because I want to stop writing this as quickly as possible, they heard a knock on a door.

"What the?"Sunset said, standing up. "COMING!"

She walked over to the door, and opened it.

There stood a tall black man wearing a blue cap, a white t-shirt, and a gold chain. He was pointing at his own eyebrows.

"Holy shit! It's Dababy!" Dash exclaimed.

"Less gooo!" Dababy replied.

Author's Note

Before you fucking say anything about how Filthy Frank hasn't been an actual thing since 2017, I know that, and I just wanted to fucking write about it

Leave me the hell alone.

Also, I'm sorry you had to be exposed to this flaming pile of shit covered garbage.