It's Always Been You, Even After All This Time...

by The Bricklayer

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Slice of Life, Drama, Pipp Petals, My Little Pony: A New Generation, Romance, Original Character
Length: 4261

It's all been for naught though, eyeing him. Because his attention is never on him, isn't it...? Isn't it? (Written for the 2021 M/M Shipping Contest)

Jabari Swift always held feelings for his bandmate, and fellow musician Coldcast. The griffin, always while up on stage has made magic all while dressed in tight leather.

...it's all been for naught though, eyeing him. Because his attention is never on him, isn't it...? Isn't it?

(Genderfluid original character x bisexual original male character, written for the 2021 M/M Shipping Contest)

Published 2021-11-02 19:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-02 19:10:01 UTC

I really like how you do all the things that you do, I really like how you say all the things that you say

Author's Note

Had this one in the back of my head for ages, since late Gen-4 and I've figured it was as good a time as any to use it.

I really like how you do all the things that you do, I really like how you say all the things that you say

“Scratching hag, rake your claws and gnash your crooked teeth
You've taken slaves like ocean waves, now feel the ocean seethe…”

The lights, the sound, that’s what they loved. The roar of the guitar over the cheering crowd. The burning spotlight all on her as he let out a wicked solo.

Jabari couldn’t help but let out a whooping cry as he played, all caught up in the moment.

A squealing guitar joined in his own solo, and he found his eyes drifting to its origin. A pure white griffon, standing alone playing a blue guitar with sharp edges.

Ah yes, the real star of the show. The one everyone came to see. Jabari knew that as soon as all eyes turned to him, well Coldcast was going to be the one on everyone’s mind.

Nature of the beast and all that. Was the zorse jealous? Probably. Everyone loved the guitarist.

As he watched the crowd, he tried to ignore the pang in his soul as mares screamed out the griffon’s name.

If he played a little louder, a little faster to try and get the eyes back on him, well nobody needed to know right?

“....this war, between the dark and light
In their songs let their wrongs bring dissolution's night, yeah!”

The afterparties were the worst, in Jabari’s mind. It wasn’t that he was shy, not really. Hell, he felt honored to be invited to the first Grand Galloping Gala in what was probably, oh, centuries?

Still, he felt somewhat out of place. Tugging at his tie in an anxious fashion, the zorse frowned. Nobody knew him, at least by comparison when asked about the rest of the band.

Even the bassist was one of the more popular attractions, damn him. It had to have been the mane. Or the winning smile or maybe it was both.

He grabbed a wine glass and downed it, making his way through the crowd whispering apologies.

His golden-black mane hung over one side of his face, giving him a shy and frankly demure vibe. Not exactly what he’d been going for, honestly. Jabari had been told the look was apparently stylish.

That it was hot and it was ‘in’ right now. Pipp Petals never lied. Like the mare knew exactly what her fans liked.

Was it playing to the crowd, somewhat manipulative? Maybe yeah, but then again, the zorse wasn’t exactly interested in attracting attention from the crowd.

Just attracting attention from one.

Ah yeah, there he was, at the far end of the room next to a window. Already, mares had surrounded him like they always did. Giggling and laughing at his bad jokes, listening to tales from the road he was regaling them.

“Selfish whorses,” the bitter part of Jabari said. “As if they honestly really care for the griffon himself, all they want is for him to bend their strings. Make them scream like he does his guitar.”

He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, and hoped nobody had heard him. The stallion knew that would be in the papers by tomorrow.

Trouble in paradise, the headlines would scream. Children of the Grave on the verge of breaking up due to infighting?

Jabari downed another wine glass.

Well, he’d hate for that to happen. Worryingly, the traitorous part of his brain seemed to actually like that idea. It was saying he’d have Coldcast all to himself then, that he’d be able to console the albino griffon.

“Ah, ah, I know that longing stare,” Pipp said, the pegasus walking up with her sister. Both in were equally beautiful dresses, both garments hugging their figures nicely. “You’re wishing you were in place of those mares right?”

Thank you Celestia! Pipp had come just at the right time to pull him out of his own brain, before it got any more yandere.

“Yeah, but well, what can I do? I mean, unless I’m a mare 100% of the time, which you know isn’t my style, I'm not exactly going to be attracting Coldcast’s attention,” Jabari said, trying to disguise his insecurities with small talk. “I’ve tried being female 100% of the time, it’s not exactly something I recommend. Have you tried it? Terrible, horrible experience, better to split the difference and go both ways.”

“...you do realize who you’re talking to right?” Pipp raised an eyebrow, with Zipp snickering. The white mare towered over her sister, Jabari realized. “Mare, 100% of the time right here.”

He honestly owed Pipp a thank you, given it was really her who’d first discovered Children. Said it was the hot new band that you needed to check out.

And because Pipp’s fans did anything she told them to, music sales soared. And why wouldn’t they? In a world which was having magic and friendship slowly return to it, suddenly a band made up of different species seemed like a really neat idea.

It had been a crazy idea, suddenly seeming pretty sane and something everyone wanted to check out.

They were ambassadors to the rest of the world, their lead singer often said. The unicorn had been apparently too crazy for the rest of his village, but not for anyone else. Nations remembered old alliances, even if Equestria itself had forgotten.

And then suddenly it remembered and they were bigger than ever. Blowing up like dynamite, which coincidentally or not was their first really huge single.

Pipp had discovered it, said that it was something worth listening to and well here Jabari was, amongst the well-to-do and who was who of ponykind. Tartarus, he swore he saw the new Princess somewhere around here.

Just… wow, this was his life now. It wasn’t that bad but it’d be even better if he had everything he ever wanted as possessive as that sounded.

“Anyways, I don’t see what you’re so worried about,” Pipp said. “Bi ponies exist, and so do bi griffins. Bi the way, have you considered maybe Coldcast is one?”

She giggled at her own bad joke, her sister rolling her eyes.

“I dunno, it’s just well I’ve never seen Coldcast ever take interest in any stallion I’ve seen.”

“That you’ve seen,” Pipp pointed out.

“I’m with him everywhere he goes, I’m basically a stalker, and yeah I realize that probably doesn’t help my case,” Jabari said with snort. “But you get my point.”

“Everywhere he goes?” Pipp asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, no!” Jabari flushed. “I don’t follow him into the bathroom if that’s what you mean. Not my sort of kink!”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Pipp said bluntly. “Just go up to Coldcast, drag him away from those mares and ask him: “Hey, do you want to be my forever and ever mate? My best birb?”

“I mean, I suppose, but what if I make a fool of myself?” Jabari stammered. “What if he laughs in my face?”

“Well then he’s not worth having,” Zipp finally spoke. “Nothing worth doing is ever easy, there’s no free rides to anything worth having. Returning magic to the land wasn’t easy, and neither is this.”

“I think returning magic to the land i-is a bit d-different from-”

“Bup bup bup,” Pipp raised a hoof. “No more excuses, just go over there and talk to your crush. Ask him if you want to build a nest together, lay a few eggs!”

“I don’t lay eggs!”

“You know what I mean!” Pipp said, practically shoving him over Coldcast’s way.

His fear didn’t stay his hooves this time, Pipp was right. All he had to do was walk up and talk to Coldcast, all there was to it.

He’d either say no or he’d gasp and nearly fall over and say: “Oh Jabari, I’ve been waiting for you to ask me you doof! You should have spoken up before!”

Okay, maybe not in those exact words. It’d probably be something like: “Well, you want to tune up my guitar? Be my plug in baby?”

Yeah, now that sounded more like Coldcast.

Jabari tried to ignore how furiously he was thinking that the griffon spouted those cheesy pick-up lines to any mare who raised their tail at him.

And oh yeah, Jabari would love to plug himself in to Coldcast so he needed to be confident, carry himself with a head-turning gait that showed off how sexy he was.

Well, he was assuming this was a sexy trot. Goodness knows he’d seen enough models do it on the catwalk.

Heads held high, looking somewhat unapproachable but still tantalizingly close for mere mortals. Like they could touch the sun and not get burned.

And well, Jabari was hoping he wouldn’t get burned tonight.

“Lovely crowd tonight right?” Coldcast laughed as he watched him walk up. “Mhmmm, like I know they’re lovely every night but damn suddenly we’re appreciated y’know?”

“Yeah,” Jabari said, searching for an opening. “I know.”

“Damn, just a few weeks ago we were barely managing to save up enough bits for table scraps,” Coldcast said, walking over to the window and looking down at the stage below.

Even now, it felt hard to believe that the field surrounding it had been filled with ponies just a little under an hour ago. There was barely even any breathing room, and just managing to get to a good spot, according to Pipp when she was trying to find a good seat to stream from, had almost been a battle.

“But now,” Coldcast said with another laugh. “But now nosotros podemos tener todo el pastel! Am I right?”

“Yeah, the whole pie…” Jabari repeated in basic Ponish, looking back towards the mares who’d suddenly found another pony to fawn over. “And for you that’d be the creamy sort right?”

“Haha, maybe. But none of them had been my type,”

“They were breathing weren’t they?” Jabari couldn’t resist the deadpan.

“Yeah, true pero, solo si llegaran a alguien más después. (but, only if they reached someone else later) I hate being used, I prefer it when mares prefer me for me,” Coldcast said. “I’d walk them backstage and then? Well! Me dejarían caer por algo más brillante really.” (They'd drop me for something shinier.)

The griffon rolled his eyes, while Jabari stared. If he wasn’t imagining things, he’d swore he’d just heard Coldcast admitting he had insecurities of his own. Now, admittedly, anything besides Ponish was a bit rusty but that’s what he thought he heard.

“I wouldn’t drop you for something shinier,” the zorse said, feeling a bit bold. “You’re an impressive specimen.”

God, that was dumb wasn’t it? He sounded like he was going to make Coldcast his latest science project, dissect him!

Well, Jabari did want to study Coldcast at any rate!

“Yeah, well, it’s nice to hear that, especially coming from you. But I’m still not feeling spectacular,” Coldcast said. “I still feel like I got used. Honestly, I need a drink.”

“It’s all wine here,” Jabari said as they walked. “Sorry to disappoint. There’s none of the usual rotgut you like.”

“Awwww bueno mierda. ¿No es solo una figura? (well shit. Doesn't that just about figure?) I’m not surprised really,” Coldcast said. “Most high-society ponies don’t know about the really good stuff. Hey, what’s this?”

His eyes were drifting to something on a plate passing by.

“I don’t know, it’s green and probably drinkable,” Jabari shrugged. “So it’s right up your alley then.”

He felt easier now, settling into his element and teasing his bandmate.

“Probably drinkable?” Coldcast said. “Well, you’re probably right there but I doubt it’d be a fun drinkable. I wouldn’t be seeing stars.”

“I’d be concerned if you were,” Jabari said. Sometimes Coldcast embodied too much of the traditional rockstar stereotype. He lived hard, he played hard and that really worried the zorse.

What was the point dating a guy if they were going to go by the ‘better to burn out than fade away’ mindset? That there was always that worry they were going to find them dead in a dumpster somewhere?

“If you want to see stars, you can just walk outside,” Jabari gestured, having opted to be brave and drink the green stuff. It was a little more wine than he usually had, but right now the stallion felt like he needed some liquid courage.

“You’re a braver buck than I am,” Coldcast said before pausing. “...those are your pronouns tonight right? I admit I don’t always keep track.”

Well, that wasn’t exactly surprising, Jabari thought even as he confirmed his pronouns with a nod. Really, the griffon wasn’t a bad bird to hang around but the only thing he could really be relied on to remember upon a regular basis were the notes for his solos.

“Ah, just checking,” Coldcast said. “You’re my best friend, pequeño dorado and I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

But unknowingly, he already had. Because of course Coldcast only saw him as a friend.

“Excuse me,” Jabari said, trying to hide the tears. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

Pipp found him crying, just out of sight of everyone else when returning from her trip to the little mares room.

“Ah, friend-zoned?” she said softly, nodding in understanding. “Well, chin up, it’s not like I’d expect his opinion of you to change overnight. At least he didn’t laugh in your face.”

“I wish he did,” Jabari said. “That way I’d know just how much of a fool I really am.”

“Shhhhhh,” Pipp said, nuzzling him. “You’re still a very attractive pony.”

“If you’re hitting on me, I’m sorry to say I’m not into mares,” Jabari laughed a little. “I’m gay, like gay gay gay Princess.”

“I’m only saying that maybe Coldcast hasn’t realized it yet,” Pipp said. “I know what I’m saying probably only sounds like wishful thinking, but let’s look at it this way. Who is he more likely to fall in love with? Some rando fan, or somepony he knows and works with? Somepony he sees up on stage every night in very tight leather.”

“I…” Jabari swallowed. “I see your point. So should I go back and grab my stagewear?”

“Just be you, okay?” Pipp soothed. “Confidence! Sure, you struck out once, but the night’s still young, okay?”

“Yeah, but how many times am I going to strike out before I resign myself to the bench?” Jabari wondered aloud.

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained right?” Pipp said with a little shrug. “So get back out there! Make Coldcast notice you, like strut boy strut! You’ve been on stage so you can work it.”

“I play keyboards, I don’t strut. I sit behind a piano.”

“Just, oh you know what I mean,” Pipp said shooing him off before quickly tying his mane up above his head and out of his eyes. “There, now Cold can see those beautiful eyes! Like shit, you need to give yourself more credit. They’re mesmerizing dude!”

With that, she was shoving him back in Coldcast’s direction.

“Hey, you alright? You were gone for a while,” the griffon said, fretting over him like a mother hen.

“Yeah, no, it’s fine. Something just didn’t agree with me, that’s all.”

A nice little half-truth. Well, he wasn’t technically lying was he?

“You sure we don’t need to hurry you out the door?” Coldcast asked, still concerned and not getting the message to not pry any further. “A little too much partying for you?”

“I haven’t been poisoned!” Jabari said. “You’re acting like my mother, so stop it!”

“Good grief, try to help a guy…” Coldcast muttered to himself. “Come on, let’s get you some fresh air, you look like you need it if you ask me.”

And they found themselves wandering out onto the castle balcony, a million little stage lights shining down upon them in the purple velvet skies above.

“Beautiful night,” Jabari observed.

“Yeah…” Coldcast said. “You know, I used to imagine the stars above, they were millions of little fans just flashing their cameras for me.”

“You and your ego…” Jabari teased.

“I’m serious, so let me finish my story and don’t interrupt okay? Like I used to lie on my back and look up, and strum my guitar imagining I was playing to a live audience. Like all of those little stars were my own personal crowd listening to whatever I had to say,” Coldcast went on, pointing upwards. “See up there? I can still name most of them. That big one? That’s Agostino. Right next to it, Alva!”

“Well, now you’ve got your fans, real ones,” Jabari said, trying to hide the bitterness. Wishing that it was him that Coldcast was so enamored with. “All of them, cheering. Screaming your name.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, no I’m not,” Jabari wanted to say. “I’m the one who wants to be screaming your name!”

But he just continued to lie. It was better he didn’t ruin the griffon’s moment.

He allowed himself a brief moment of wistful imagination, lying next to the griffon on a hillside with the stars above them. Snuggling into his chest feathers and Coldcast wrapping his wings around him like a cocoon.

The griffon was small, at least by normal species standards but still larger than he. He would have made a perfect pillow on cold nights, something to cuddle up to on the long roads between gigs.

“You sound like you wish that ponies were screaming your name,” Coldcast said, closer to the truth than Jabari would have admittedly liked.

Well, it wasn’t ponies who he wished were screaming his name.

“I get it okay?” Coldcast said, wrapping a wing around Jabari and no his heart didn’t skip a beat! No, it didn’t! “You’re just the keyboard player, you’re not exactly the star of the show.”

Well, gee, rub it in why don’t you?

“So even when you’re comforting me you turn it into something about yourself.”

“I’m not propping myself up to make you look bad, doof,” Coldcast said, using his wing to smack him over the back of the head. “I’m sympathizing! I… admit I don’t always pay much attention to you either. I’m too caught up in the show and the sound sometimes.”

Huh, humility.

Sometimes he wondered why he loved Coldcast, but then in moments like these he remembered.

Because when the world all came down around him, well the griffon would have his back.

“I… I’m sorry about that,” Coldcast continued to say. “I’m just in love with who I am now, the stardom. It’s not something I’m used to having and maybe I’m taking it a bit too much for granted.”

Oh. Oh.

“You remember what life was like for me growing up, I was… well, I wasn’t exactly the most popular griff,” Coldcast laughed a little, before shaking his head. “I was an outcast, isolated. I had ideas above my station.”

Yeah, he remembered.

“You wanted out of that damn town,” Jabari said. “You wanted to see the world, be appreciated.”

“Music was my only escape from the isolation, and it fed into this vicious cycle. ¡Mierda! The more I played, well the more everyone else thought I was overtaken with delusions of grandeur,” Coldcast said, looking back down at the stage. “And… and sometimes I wonder if I’m still deluding myself, ¿sabes? That in the end when the stage lights go down, it’s not me who they came to see.”

“Well, that;s a lie and you know it,” Jabari said. “You’re the one they come to see. You’re regularly ruled the most talented of Children, not to mention the best looking.”

“Apparently not,” Coldcast said. “Given earlier tonight and all.”

“Those were whorses,” Jabari said. “Barely worth your time. Just for a quick one, back in a bathroom or behind a plant.”

“Yeah but…” Coldcast sighed, his wings drooping. “I’m just wanting to find somewhere to belong. Someone to belong to you know? ¿Tú sabes de qué estoy hablando, right?”

“You belong to the band,” Jabari said, wondering how suddenly he was the one doing the comforting now. “We took you in. You’re family. We’re all a bunch of misfits. Quality over quantity right? Better for a few people to love you than an entire town who’d drop you for the next shiny thing that came along.”

“Love?” Coldcast raised an eyebrow, one pink eye staring at him critically.

“Yeah, of course it’s love. Like we love you,” Jabari said, a hoof prodding him in the chest.

He was wishing it was an ‘I love you’ he was saying instead, and then he heard the gasp.

Oh buck. He’d actually said that hadn’t he? Well then! So much for that being his little secret.

“I’ll… I’ll just go then,” Jabari said. “I… I’ve said too much and I should just… I’ll go be with my keyboards.”

Talons gently grabbed one of his legs, stopping him. Jabari, fighting his anxieties, turned back to look at his crush. Coldcast’s eyes were wide, the gears turning in his head as he realized.

“How… Oh, I shouldn’t be asking how long should I?” Coldcast pondered, slapping himself in the forehead. “Like you’ve been gently looking at me from afar from so long, and I can’t blame you, I’m awesome but you’ve never said anything about it. I thought it was just idolation, but no pequeño dorado it’s adoration isn’t it?”

Jabari said nothing, he couldn’t really given he’d been caught. His secret exposed, suddenly words were failing him.

Talons cupped his cheek, running themselves through his fur. Not ripping into it, not drawing blood but just gently running themselves through it.

And then a beak gently pressed itself to his muzzle and at first Jabari let out a gasp before tilting his head a little to allow Coldcast better access.

His brain was short circuiting a little, though he didn’t need it right now. He acted upon instinct, gently pressing the griffon up against the balcony railing and running his hooves through his snow-white fur.

Coldcast’s wings wrapped around Jabari, just like they always did in his every idle daydream. The griffon kept him close as they continued kissing, a gasp escaping the zorse’s mouth.

Jabari wrapped his front legs around Coldcast, the griffon’s front talons clutching his shoulders as he stood on his hind legs.

The two continued kissing, only briefly coming up for air. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was that. Maybe in the morning they’d forget about all of this and Jabari would be left heartbroken.

So damn if he wasn't going to savor this moment while it lasted.

“You should have… you should have told me,” Coldcast said, eyes never leaving Jabari’s own. They were locked into the zorse’s emerald green orbs. Gently, he pressed his forehead to Coldcast’s own in a moment of brief bravery. “I’d have understood. Everyone wants a little piece of-”

“Stop treating this like a game, like I’m just another one of those mares you take back to your trailer,” Jabari whispered. “I’m not, I refuse to be one of your conquests. I just want you. I love you. I have for such a long time now. It's always been you even after all this time.”

“Oh pequeño dorado,” Coldcast said, gently kissing him. “You’re not going to be just another conquest for me. In fact, it’s probably the other way around. You completed a quest, you slayed the dragon that was my heart.”

“Don’t be poetic,” Jabari said, returning the kiss. “You’re not in this band to think up lyrics, so don’t start now.”

“You don’t believe in me? Oh, you’re crushing my heart. You’re walking all over me,” Coldcast teased. “I thought you believed I was the greatest thing to walk the face of Eques.”

“Even now it’s all about you,” Jabari said, teasingly affectionate and wondering if he should walk all over the griffon. The more he thought about it, the more he liked his hoof gently pressing into his head. “I’m going to have to break you of that habit.”

“Well then,” Coldcast grinned at the offered challenge. “Break me!”

“Deep beneath the surface
Lurks a mighty beast…”

Another town, another show, probably a few more hookah pipes to blow.

The fanbase for their part, well they ate up the new relationship. The new power couple.

Honestly, now that he had a bit more attention on him, Jabari wasn’t sure what to do with it. He just wanted to be known for his music not for being a slut for Coldcast.

Well, okay he was a slut for Coldcast but that was besides the point!

They were rocking and rolling all night and partying every day, well within reason of course. Jabari refused to let his boyfriend ruin himself with his usual lifestyle.

He was going to keep him alive and well, so he could know how much he was loved. Even now, in the middle of a guitar solo, Jabari caught Coldcast looking back his way.

Jabari returned the smile and tried to keep the blush off his face. He had to be professional during a show, not looking like he was totally simping.

Spoiler, he was totally simping.

The stage lights burned, but so did his love for the griffon under them.