Celestia Needs A Husband (Seriously?!)

by Petalled

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Romance, Twilight Sparkle, Bulk Biceps, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 2739

Twilight Sparkle finds Princess Celestia the perfect stallion.

Princess Celestia is over one thousand years old yet still doesn't have a husband or a coltfriend. She gets an unexpected visit from a purple unicorn, also known as her protégé. Twilight Sparkle mentions this and tries to help her mentor into finding her the perfect stallion, with some help from her fellow number one assistant, Spike.

Published 2021-05-01 04:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-05-01 04:20:01 UTC

I will find you the perfect stallion!

There was a knock on the door of the Canterlot Castle throne room. Curious, Princess Celestia asked for the guards to step aside and let the visitor come in. As the door opened, there was a purple unicorn standing by with a purple dragon. They both grinned sheepishly before trotting forward to their princess, ignoring the guards beside them.

''Twilight Sparkle,'' said Princess Celestia, ''this was very unexpected of you to come to Canterlot without telling me. Is anything the matter, my faithful student?''

''No!'' she exclaimed. ''I mean yes, no, yes, no, maybe...?''

With a groan of annoyance, Spike slapped his face with his hand. ''What she means to say is that...''

Twilight's confidence towards the princess suddenly rose up because of her number one assistant. She quickly got to the point and finished off his sentence. ''Where is your husband?''

Princess Celestia's ear perked up at what she was hearing. Why would her faithful student be asking her that? That is none of her concern! With a sigh, she replied, ''I...I don't have one, my dear Twilight.''

Twilight's eyes widened. How can she not have a husband? I mean, she is over a thousand years old! Twilight approached her with another question hesitantly. ''W-What do you mean? You are a thousand years old and you are an amazing pony so I don't see why anystallion hasn't asked you out yet.''

Princess Celestia raised an eyebrow. ''Or a mare?''

Twilight's smile faded away. ''You are into mares?''

A twinge of annoyance had hit Spike which had made him wince.

''It could happen,'' she answered. ''Although, I don't think I am in need of a husband or a coltfriend at the moment but thanks anyway, Twilight and Spike.''

Spike, who was frozen in place, lifted his hand to wave. ''No problem.''

Twilight sighed in exasperation as she trotted towards the door again with Spike and mumbled, ''well, that was a waste of time for us to travel all the way here, but I don't care what she says! I am going to find her a coltfriend whether she likes it or not!'' She looked towards the baby dragon and held him up in the air. ''And you are going to help me!''

'Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into?' Spike thought to himself.

''Alright, Spike. There is so many colts here in Canterlot so who should we start off with?''

Twilight turned towards Spike as they trotted through the streets of Canterlot. Spike pondered to himself, trying to find a colt he knows that would be perfect for the princess of Equestria.

''I don't know,'' said Spike. ''How about Prince Blueblood, Rarity's date at the Grand Galloping Gala?''

''Spike!'' Twilight exclaimed. ''He is Princess Celestia's nephew. That is not right!''

''Oh,'' Spike uttered as he blushed in embarrassment. ''But why do you want to find her a husband?''

''Because I care about her, Spike. She is my mentor that has been by our side since we were foals and I want to make her happy in return, and the only way we are going to do that is to find her a husband!''

Her eye's twinkled as she stood tall with a presence of purple light struck behind her. Spike bluntly moved the background away which made Twilight raise an eyebrow.

''Well, if you care about her so much then how about you date her? I am sure Princess Celestia could accept your romantic feelings towards her in return.''

Twilight blushed. ''Feelings? What feelings? I don't have any feelings towards her!''

Spike examined the blush on her cheek and smirked in response. ''You don't say.''

Twilight groaned with a roll of her eyeballs. ''Anyways, let's get to finding that stallion for her!''

Twilight scattered through the streets of Canterlot but they were all snobby. She should have expected this. At last, she found herself talking with an old friend of hers from kindergarten. Although, she felt saddened by the fact she never cared about him or her other friends and had her nose stuck inside a book every time.

The stallion's teeth shined like pure silver. He had a yellow coat with a blue star as his cutiemark. His mane was also blue like the colour of his cutiemark. He blushed as the purple unicorn had approached him.

''Twilight?'' said the yellow unicorn. ''Is that you? My, how long has it been.''

''Yes, Comet Tail. It's me and I'm sorry but I had to leave Canterlot to make some friends in Ponyville as Princess Celestia's orders.''

''Friends?'' he repeated. ''But didn't you already have friends here in Canterlot? But then again, you never really talked to us and had yourself in a book most of the time.''

Twilight sighed. ''I'm sorry, but I just thought that Equestria didn't depend on me on making friends until I learnt my lesson by meeting Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Applejack.''

Comet Tail felt a little heartbroken. After all this time, he thought that Twilight was his friend but just cared about books more. Spike saw the disheartened look on his face and felt a little sympathetic towards this yellow unicorn. ''But...aren't I your friend?''

''You?'' said Twilight. ''Of course you are but I'm not here to talk about this right now. I'm on an important mission on finding Princess Celestia a husband or a coltfriend.'' She fluttered her eyelashes at him. ''Are you interested?''

He blushed in embarrassment. ''N-No, I have a crush on somepony else.''

Twilight sighed in frustration. ''That's alright, we'll just be going and I'll promise to visit you and our Canterlot friends some other time but right now, I am busy to talk.''

She turned towards Spike. ''Come on, Spike.'' She levitated the baby dragon onto her back and trotted away.

''Wait!'' Comet Tail called. ''I wanted to tell you that my crush was...'' He swayed his head and kicked a pebble. ''Oh, never mind, forget it. Who am I kidding?''

Derpy flew towards him to pat him on the back for comfort. Comet Tail looked at her in confusion and groaned in his hooves.

Twilight had teleported herself at the Ponyville train station along with Spike. They waited for the train to Ponyville to come so they could find some stallions there since most of the population of colts in Canterlot were snobs. Princess Celestia can do better than that!

''Twilight, are you sure?'' asked Spike.

''What do you mean, Spike?'' Twilight replied, raising her eyebrows.

Spike opened his mouth to answer but he was interrupted by a squeal of the rails and a horn coming from a train. Twilight and Spike trotted inside as the conductor announced his line. They both sat in there seats and noticed their friend Bulk Biceps was sitting in front of them. To not sound rude, Twilight greeted him.

''Hey there, Bulk Biceps!'' Twilight greeted. ''What got you here?''

Blushing, the muscular stallion hesitantly replied, ''I, uh, was off to Ponyville to Fluttershy's cottage for a tea party she will be hosting.''

''Fluttershy? Tea party? You mean like a date?''

His eyes widened. ''How did you know?''

Twilight chuckled. ''I am smart, although did she say it was a date or are you just thinking that? Because I am pretty sure Fluttershy has a crush on Discord, not to burst your bubble or happiness.''

His ears flopped down. ''Yeah, I knew that but don't worry because I am going to shine myself with my charm and muscles towards her!''

''I don't think that is what Fluttershy looks for in colts,'' Spike whispered to Twilight.

Suddenly, the train came to a halt and they all hopped off the train. As Bulk Biceps went towards the direction of Fluttershy's cottage, Twilight and Spike went to the opposite direction of him.

''Ooh!'' Twilight piped. ''There is a cutie in town for our royal highness!''

''What?!'' Spike yelled. ''I thought I was the only cute one towards you.''

Twilight trotted towards a pink earth pony with a platinum mane. She tapped him on the shoulder to make him face her.

''Hey there, Twilight!'' the colt said in a squeaky voice.

''Hey, um...who are you? How do you know my name?''

The colt laughed as he bounced himself up and down. He stopped bouncing for a moment to take off his platinum wig and he now had a poofy pink mane. He splattered water all over his cutiemark.

''Now do you know?''

Twilight's eyes widened and blushed in embarrassment. ''Pinkie Pie?!''

Spike trotted towards them with a laugh. Twilight groaned as she nudged him in the side. Pinkie Pie joined the laughter as well with the baby dragon.

''W-Why would you do that, Pinkie Pie?!''

''What?'' Pinkie Pie whined. ''I wanted to have a bit of fun with everypony!''

''B-B-B-But...''

Pinkie Pie giggled. ''Did I get you?''

''No, you did not get me but do you know anystallions around town for Princess Celestia?''

Pinkie Pie gasped dramatically and squinted her eyes at the purple unicorn. ''I know what you are doing!''

''Huh?'' Twilight and Spike uttered in unison.

''You are trying to get somepony that has the same cake addiction as Princess Celestia so she could munch on some cake with them!'' Pinkie Pie bounced. ''Ooh! Why didn't you come to me sooner? I would love to, Twilight Sparkle!''

She attacked the purple unicorn in a hug.

Twilight squealed, ''no, I meant a...coltfriend or a...husband.''

Pinkie Pie pulled away from the tight embrace and gasped dramatically once again. ''How dare she like to cheat on her husband she already has?!''

Spike paused. ''Wait, Princess Celestia has a husband?''

''Well, duh! Everypony knows that! Although, she doesn't like to share it with anypony because it's a bit embarrassing even for her.''

''Okay,'' Twilight uttered. ''Number one, why would she hide that from anypony? Number two, how do you know that? Number three, why would she be embarrassed on having a husband? And number four, why did you say 'everypony' when she didn't like to share it with anypony?''

Pinkie Pie giggled and patted the purple unicorn on the head. ''Silly, Twilight, you still have a lot to learn. Hey, by the way, do you want to know who her husband is?''

Spike groaned. ''Isn't that what we are trying to figure out at the moment?''

''Nuh-uh!'' Pinkie Pie replied. ''You never said specifically, hehe! Anyways, come closer so I could tell you two.''

Twilight and Spike got closer as she told them to. Pinkie Pie pulled them even closer and searched if anypony was listening to them. But in her sight, there was nopony so faced her two friends in the eye.

''Her husband is,'' said Pinkie Pie, ''cake!''

Twilight's and Spike's smiles faded away. ''What?''

''Didn't you hear me?'' she bounced. ''I said cake!''

''Of course!'' said Spike. ''Who didn't know that? It's no wonder she found it embarrassing to ponies.''

''Oh, come on!'' a pony exclaimed from the bushes but another pony hushed and ducked them back down.

Twilight took a deep breath of exasperation as she started trotting through Ponyville with Spike.

''I never knew finding a husband for the princess would be so aggravating.''

''Right!'' Spike responded. ''So maybe you should stop!''

''No, no, no,'' she taunted as she shook her head. ''I want to make the princess happy and the only way to solve that happiness is to find her a husband!''

''Who says she even wants one?''

Twilight stopped at a immediate halt and glanced at him.

''I mean, what makes you think that the key to happiness for Princess Celestia is to find her a husband? Maybe she finds herself happy in other things like talking to you or stuffing her face in some cake.''

Twilight smiled. ''I appreciate you for comforting me after a long day of this, Spike, but I have to do this no matter how long it takes for me to find one for her!''

''Good luck,'' Spike mumbled.

She yelled as Twilight picked him up from the ground.

''Like I said before,'' she reminded, ''you are going to help me whether you like it or not!''

Rolling his eyes, he muttered, ''let's get this over with.''

''That's the spirit!'' Twilight exclaimed with a cheerful smile on her face.

They found themselves at an ice-cream parlour and met a brown pony with white hair. His cutiemark was three green gemstones and his eyes were blue like the ocean. He was sitting on a table with another pony.

Twilight's excitement bloomed and trotted on over towards the brown unicorn.

''Uh, Twilight?'' Spike uttered. ''I don't think he is sing-''

''Hey there!'' Twilight piped. ''Are you interested in dating our royal highness?''

The pony sitting opposite the brown unicorn raised an eyebrow in response. He bit his lip as he glanced between the pony opposite him and the purple unicorn who had a cheerful smile on her face.

''N-No, I am married.''

Twilight's smiled faded away as the two ponies huffed and trotted outside of the ice-cream parlour. Spike placed an assuring hoof on her shoulder for comfort.

''Don't worry, Twilight. I'm sure you will find the perfect stallion for her.''

''And I thought you didn't want me to.''

''Well, yes but this is actually pretty fun but not when you stress out.''

''What?!'' Twilight yelled. ''Since when have I stressed out about this?''

''Ahem,'' Spike uttered as he cleared up his throat. ''You are doing it right now.''

Twilight opened her mouth but closed it again. ''Huh.''

Spike nodded. ''You have nothing to worry about, Twilight.''

Twilight took a deep breath. ''You are right, Spike.''

Spike smiled in response.

''Although, I should still head to Canterlot to apologise to Princess Celestia at once for failing her!'' she announced, having a purple light struck behind her. She ran out the door, leaving Spike slap himself.

At the Canterlot Castle, Twilight and Spike found themselves at the throne room with the princess once again. Princess Celestia rubbed her arm awkwardly in response.

''I appreciate everything you have done for me, Twilight Sparkle, but I don't feel comfortable at the moment. Besides, you shouldn't worry about me because I have got plenty of time in my lifetime to worry about this.''

''Yes, but one thousand years of life and still no coltfriend?''

She sighed. ''Twilight-''

''I mean, a pony like you should have gotten her coltfriend (or husband) a long time ago. You shouldn't have your husband be cake only, Princess Celery Stick-I mean, Celestia. What I mean is that anycolt (or mare) would be lucky to-''

She was suddenly interrupted as Princess Celestia dragged her into a kiss, leaving Spike's eyes widen in shock.

'Well, I didn't mean it literally,' Spike thought to himself.

Twilight's eyes widened at first as Princess Celestia wrapped her wing around her. Twilight couldn't admit this out loud but for a pony who had never had her first kiss, she was a good kisser, plus her lips tasted...sweet. Perhaps she was preparing for this all along? Anyway, she shook out of her thoughts and slowly went into the lingering and blissful kiss.

The both pulled away and there was a blush spreading across Twilight's muzzle which Princess Celestia had found it cute on her. Spike stood frozen in place, trying to process his mind at what he had just witnessed.

''P-Princess C-Celestia...'' Twilight trailed off.

''Yes, Twilight. The reason why I didn't wanted a coltfriend, or a marefriend, was because I liked you all along.

''W-What?!'' Spike exclaimed. ''You mean my Twilestia shipping wasn't a joke at all?''

Princess Celestia glanced at Twilight. ''What is he talking about?''

Twilight blushed. ''N-Nothing, your highness. We better be going back to Ponyville again. I can't wait to tell the others that I'm dating a princess and my mentor! Although, you are an alicorn and immortal but you might as well make me into one so we could live together forever just like I ever dreamed!''

She excitedly bounced outside of the throne room door with hearts circulating over her head, not realising the guards who blankly looked at each other.

''H-How did she know?'' Princess Celestia thought to herself aloud.

''Wait. You mean you will?'' Spike uttered, having Princess Celestia stare at him.

Author's Note

Haha, looks like I am not the only one who ships Twilestia, but Spike too!