Chapters Chapter 1: Something in the Night Sky
Author's Note
Honestly this was written in two days while I'm home sick. I was driving home when the song In the Year 2525 came on the radio, and I started making jokes about 2001: A Space Odyssey. Then it sort of clicked by the time I realized I was home.
Two days now I've been eating chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese, and drinking water, Pepto, and beer. I'm pretty sure this is the product of a fever dream.
Chapter 1: Something in the Night Sky
2525: A Space Oddity
Chapter 1: Something in the Night Sky
The night, and all cast down upon her moon’s light, were the domain of (former) Princess Luna.
Nopony would argue this fact, and even if they wanted to, they’d lose the verbal battle. In olden times, a pony could even challenge a Royal in a duel to the death for the rightful rule over day or night, but never a pony would work up the courage.
This greatly displeased Luna for many years up to her banishment.
And now that she was returned, the once wild and still being tamed lands of Equestria were that of, mostly, peace and prosperity. Only those nations outside her borders were in a minor turmoil, and yet through the powers that had banished her, a new era of peace for every creature on their world was being observed.
While this was all a good thing, it had led to an event that she’d never dared dream of, one that left both her and her sister at odds with each other. A battle of wits, where only one of them could truly win, the other destined for failure.
“B Seven. B, as in bland , and seven as in… uh… before eight, and after six.”
Luna sighed as she looked down at her mostly bare bingo board. Celestia’s, meanwhile, was nearly full, her win would be either I twenty two or O sixty five.
“We cannot understand why thou drag us to these miserable nights of Bingo. We never win.”
Celestia tittered. “Now now, Lulu, we’re retired! It’s time to take some us time. Relax, how I figure it, in a hundred years or so, we’ll be back to helping Twilight with her rule and out there, doing stuff.”
“Stuff?” Luna asked.
“B eleven. B as in Bonzo, and eleven which is two one’s.”
Luna scowled at her board, while Celestia placed a mark upon hers. Now she had three possible wins.
“You know, fighting off monsters, helping citizens of Equestria with their troubles. That sort of thing.”
“I still fail to see what kind of stuff two ex-rulers could be out there doing at a time of such peace in the world.”
“I twenty-one. I as in Indigo, and twenty-one as in seven times three.”
“Bingo!” shouted a mare from across the hall.
“Drats!” both alicorns spat, pushing their boards away.
“Was that Ginger Ale again?” asked Luna.
“It would appear so, yes.”
“We should do something about her.”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “She’s ninety seven. We’re going to mathematically outlast her by… a lot.”
“We still say she is cheating.”
Chuckling, Celestia began cleaning up her area as other ponies began to file out of the bingo hall.
“It’s just… as much as We wish to rest now, We cannot help this nagging feeling of something coming.”
Celestia quirked a brow. “Something coming? From where?”
Luna pointed a hoof upward.
“The dance studio upstairs?”
The darker alicorn face hoofed. “Nay, sister, but from Our stars.”
“I know you’re still hanging onto their control, but really now, what makes you think something’s coming from up there?”
Standing, Luna grabbed her coffee thermos and began walking away, Celestia close behind.
“We cannot say for sure. We have been looking up to them the last several nights, and a lone star has been growing brighter, yet We cannot touch it. It is there, just out of Our reach.”
Celestia tapped her chin. “Could I help?”
“Possible. Art thou free after sundown?”
“Depends on which Bonzo movie they’re showing tonight.”
“We believe it is Bonzo Runs for Princess. ”
“Bah, I hate that one. So unrealistic. He doesn’t even become an alicorn.”
“Sister! Mine eyes have yet to perceive that motion picture!”
“Oh, sorry.”
Sighing, Luna leaned forward to nuzzle her sister. “So will you then? Join Us, that is?”
“Of course, Lulu. Maybe with both of us, we can poke it and see what comes out.”
“Tia, you sound as though this were a nest of twitter mites. Nothing lives up there but mine stars. Surely, it is nothing to worry about but a simple curiosity.”
Celestia looked up at the clear blue sky. “I sure hope so.”
The day’s events came and went, and before too long nightfall had come to Shady Acres Retirement Village. Luna was seated upon her small porch of her small home, waiting for her sister while looking up at the sky.
“Is it still there?” came a voice.
“Aye. Brighter yet, since previous nights. My stomach twists, mayhaps I’m a fool to not worry? Maybe… this is a dangerous nest, and best not be provoked?”
Celestia landed beside her sister, wrapping the smaller alicorn up in a wing.
“Well, if it continues to draw closer, eventually we’re going to be forced to see what it is. We might as well try to probe what it is, while it’s farther out.”
Luna nodded, and the two stood on the balcony, Celestia’s wing still over her sister’s back. Luna’s horn, and then Celestia’s, began to glow, and their magic collided just over their heads, and shot straight out into the night sky.
Several minutes ticked by before they both recoiled from shock.
“It… is solid! Something drifts in the depths of space!” Luna said, immediately turning tail and entering her suite.
Celestia continued to stare blankly up at the night sky, eyes wide, while her sister began to gather writing supplies.
While collecting, Luna talked out loud. “Do they know Equestrian? If we write them a letter, will they understand it? Oh! We should also write Mi Amore and… no, Sparkle should be left out until we know more. She has plenty of burdens upon her withers.”
Returning to her still stunned sister, Luna began writing a letter in multiple languages that she knew, all saying a single line.
Greetings, space travelers.
Luna strove for simplicity when it came down to the important details. Celestia was still frozen, her wing outstretched as if Luna hadn’t moved. The ex-lunar princess returned to standing beside her sister, finding her wing still comfortable, and relit her horn, sending the letter careening into space.
“Hopefully they can understand one of those languages, or figure it out. How exciting this is!”
Celestia’s eyes moved, watching the letter rocket up into the night sky, which was what finally broke her out of her transe.
“What? Luna, what did…”
“We have flung a missive into the dark depths of space with as much reckless abandon as the Ponyville Mailmare. With any luck, it shall find its mark. Now, shall we write to Mi Amore?”
The next day, Princess Cadence was standing on her figurative aunt’s porch upon their latest living quarters, the Shady Acres Retirement Village, struggling to understand what they were talking about.
“A message… from space?” she asked again.
Luna nodded with glee. Celestia nodded with less glee.
“Something,” Luna started, “wanders Our night sky, so We have sent them a missive in the hopes of future communication.”
“How? I mean, if they can even understand our written language, who’s to say they can send a letter back?”
At this, Luna’s grin grew larger, while Celestia simply sighed.
“Because… it’s moving faster now,” Celestia grumbled.
“Oh most joyous of events!” Luna proclaimed, raising a hoof into the air.
Cadence blinked. “Okay, so… they got the letter. We’ve no idea if that is a good or bad thing.”
“Why would it be bad?” Luna asked.
“What if they’re hostile?” Cadence asked.
“We obliterate them, naturally,” Luna countered.
“Fair point. And if they’re refugees? Looking for aid?”
“We help them,” Celestia added this time.
“That simple?”
“Of course.”
“Verily.”
Cadence sighed. “Alright, then in that case… why did you ask me to come, instead of Twilight?”
“With her new duties, We assumed she’d be too busy to come visit a couple of old nags.”
Celestia smacked her sister upside the head with a wing.
“Fine, one old nag, and one perfectly petite ex-princess pony.”
Celestia nodded.
Cadence rolled her eyes. “Alright, so… there’s not much I can really do about this. You’d still be better off getting Twilight…"
Luna grinned, sensing the reputation in the love alicorn tone.
"However…?" Luna asked.
Sighing, Cadence closed her eyes and nodded her head.
"Yes, I'm up for helping. What do you plan?"
Luna clipped her hooves in delight, while Celestia stood and made her way inside.
"We've modified a long wave radio to transmit a message, however sending out a message has garnered nothing."
"Do they hear it?" Cadence asked, following her older aunt.
"We don't know."
Cadence stopped in the doorway, forcing Luna to push her way between the pink pony and the door frame.
"So, we have no clue if they're friendly or not. They're now rushing towards us. You've sent one letter in every Equestrian language known, both past and present. Now… you're pushing your luck for audio confirmation?"
Both regal retired alicorn’s nodded.
"Sure, why not?" Cadence shrugged.
Using her wings, Luna carefully picked up the modified radio cabinet and moved it outside to the porch. She set it down in the small patio table, Celestia and Cadence joining her.
"Now," Luna began with an air of confidence, "We shall begin the spell. Sister, once I give the signal, apply your magic to boost it. Niece, you will follow once she gives you her own signal. Understood?"
Both ponies nodded.
"Excellent, let us begin!"
Princess Twilight Sparkle arrived in time to watch the fireponies putting out the last of the blaze. Thankfully, only two apartments were destroyed, six others damaged, and no fatalities directly related to the flames.
Apparently fire alarms around those with weak hearts wasn't always the right move.
"Technically, she was only dead for about 2 minutes. Then We revived her," said Luna, her coat covered in soot, start mane and tail singed only slightly.
Twilight Sparkle's frown did not shift.
"Honestly, I didn't expect such a reaction so sudden," Celestia added, her nearly white coat now dark gray.
The last of the three, Cadence, had her forehooves covering her face as she could only groan in distress. Of the three, her mane and tail took the brunt of the damage.
"So… let me see if I understand you three right,"Twilight began, then started pacing around them.
"You discovered something moving in space. Discovered it was coming here, sent a letter which promoted it to move faster. Then, once realizing this, sent for Cadence, and had her help boost a radio transmission to send a verbal message. Am I on track so far?"
The three other alicorn’s nodded.
"So sending the message went okay, but suddenly, you got a response, which overloaded your communicator, causing a power surge, that ignited a fire, and nearly burned down an entire complex. Still on track?"
Again, all three alicorn’s nodded, although ears downcast, save for Luna.
"And for not one minute, you thought to invite me, who regularly creates test equipment enough to know where to install safeguards so these sorts of accidents could not happen?"
"We were going to invite you, dear Twilight, but-"
Twilight cut Celestia off with a raised hoof. Then she sighed.
"At least… tell me you did hear something."
Luna, the only pony not appearing phased by anything that had transpired, grinned like a maniac and levitated a reel of film.
"Better, we recorded it. "
The youngest alicorn's gleeful squee caused the fireponies to respond to what they thought was another fire alarm going off.
They decided to move the testing to Twilights former castle in Ponyville. Starlight Glimmer was overly joyed at having the company.
"This is bad," Starlight groaned, "one alicorn is enough. Two are trouble. But four? Doing experiments?"
"We are standing before thee, dost thou not see?" Luna asked.
"Yes, which is why I'm voicing it."
“Relax Starlight, now that I’m monitoring and helping them, there should be no problems whatsoever.”
Spike the dragon chose that moment to walk by, carrying in the spare reel to reel player, and let out a guffaw that rocked the castle walls.
“Spiiii ke!” Twilight pouted.
“Sorry! That was just honestly funny,” the adolescent drake said, setting the machine down onto the magic table.
“Alright, just…” Starlight rolled a forehoof, “... don’t burn the place down. Again.”
With those final words, Headmare Starlight walked out with a flick of her tail, Spike following closely behind.
It was quiet around the four alicorns as Luna opened her personal pocket dimension for storage, retrieved the reel of audio film. Carefully, she placed it onto the machine, looping the end into the empty tray, and set the machine to the correct speed.
“Seven and a half inch speed?” Twilight questioned.
“Aye, t’was the best We could get our hooves upon. We would have preferred fifteen, alas there were no commercial facilities close by.”
Nodding, Twilight plugged the machine in. “Probably for the best, my machine with fifteen or thirty inch settings was donated to the school for the performing arts classes.”
Then the four stood around the player, quietly. All four sets of eyes bounced around each other, giving pensive looks.
“So… are we going to… play it?” Cadence asked.
“Aye,” Luna said.
“When?” Celestia said, fighting back a smirk.
“Sparkle, art thou ready for thy notes?”
With her magic, Twilight brought up a quill and parchment, giving a single nod.
“Very well, let it begin,” Luna used her hoof, first switching the power on, then once the internal humming could be heard, she pressed play.
As was to be expected, nothing but a very faint crackles and pops of empty silence came from the speaker.
“Hello, this is a test.” Luna’s voice came through.
“Good, it recorded our end too,” Luna nodded with a smile.
“We shall now send forward the missive. Sister, when you are ready.”
There was a faint sound of magic sparking to life.
“Alright,” Celestia’s voice sounded. “Now, help boost it Cadence, if you would please.”
There was no audio confirmation, but more magic could be heard tinkling about.
Then there was simply more silence.
“I’m not sure if-” Cadence’s voice began, then was abruptly cut off by a series of beeping.
There was the sound of some movement, but the random beeping continued, until a loud humming began.
“Luna, I think-” Celestia began.
Suddenly, music began . First a guitar, then a bit of a brass instrument, possibly a trumpet? Then, vocals, although they were unrecognizable. The music went for about fifteen seconds, and then there was a strange sound.
“Luna! Look-”
Celesita’s voice was silenced by loud static and distorted sounds.
“That’s it,” Twilight said, stopping the machine.
“I thought I recalled music,” Cadence said, tapping her chin.
“But what was it? What did it mean? Or the beeping, reminded me of Dah-Dit.” Twilight tapped her forehead in thought.
“Possible. Can you try to decipher it?” Celestia asked.
“Yes, I’ll need to find my book on it. I don’t remember all of the letters, but there’s no telling if it even equates to anything we’d understand.
“Still, I’ll try.” Twilight’s horn flared, and not a moment later Spike came striding back into the room.
“Yes, Twilight?”
“Spike, I need Communications and the Art of Conversing , third edition, since it still retains some of the older codes.”
Giving a mock salute, Spike walked off to the library.
The next several hours were filled with one count of intense studying, and three counts of intense boredom. Luna had played the tape a few more times, allowing Twilight to record everything she needed, then a few more times just because it was intriguing. However, after about fifteen minutes of listening to a thirty second clip, it was enough to force Celestia to unplug the machine and insist the three other alicorns find something else to do.
Twilight, for her part, remained glued to her book and parchment, writing down several notes as she tried to figure out how the message broke up to form letters.
Finally, at the chime of the fourth hour, it was Cadence, setting down her romance novel, who broke the silence.
“What if it’s not a message at all? Just… background that leads to the music?”
Twilight shook her head. “No, there’s something here. I know it. I just have to keep at it.”
“Alright, if you say so,” Cadence said, looking to her two aunts as they’d also set down their own books.
Luna was reading something on music, trying to see if there’s some meaning to the instruments heard. Celestia, not as invested, was reading Daring Do.
As dusk began to approach, the four alicorns decided they needed a breath of fresh air. Taking a break, they went out to one of the many balconies on the side of the castle, and with amusement the three watched Twilight bring about the night.
“Excellent work, young Sparkle,” Luna clopped her hooves.
“Yes, dear, that was much smoother than the last time we helped you,” Celestia nodded.
Twilight blushed. “Thank you. It’s been getting easier, but it will probably be some time before I’m as smooth as you two.”
“Fret not, we will continue to oversee the weekends, giving your magic a break.”
Twilight nuzzled up to her former mentor. “Thank you, both of you.”
Celestia returned the nuzzle, then the four looked up to the sky.
“Where do you suppose it is now?” Twilight asked.
“Hrm. Our guess would be…” Luna’s horn came to life, and then suddenly the mare gasped, dropping her magic. “Impossible!”
“What!? What is it?” Twilight rushed to the darker alicorn’s side.
“It… is above us!”
Everypony looked up, around the top of the castle. Luna shook her head, stomping a hoof. “Nay! It is above Our Earth. Sitting still, waiting. I shall send another missive post haste, mayhaps they think to expect an invitation.”
Luna began writing something out, right as Spike returned with a platter, four tea cups, and a kettle.
“Figured you girls might want something to drink,” he said, placing it onto a small table.
“Thanks, Spike,” Twilight said, pouring tea into the four glasses.
“No problem. I picked up most of your trash in the map room, but thanks for using a Come to Life spell on that vacuum. It was doing pretty good, but I didn’t know the castle needed a new one,” Spike said with a shrug then marched out.
“Mmm, yeah, that’s-” Twilight froze.
Luna, slowly, stopped writing.
Celesita’s teacup hesitated below her muzzle.
And lastly, Cadence, finishing her cup, let out a sigh. “Huh, I don’t remember you doing that, Twilight.”
“Because she didn’t,” Celestia spoke up.
A brief bout of silence, then all four alicorn mares shot to their hooves, running back inside and towards the map room. It was quick, and they hesitated at the open door’s edge. First, Twilight leaned her head in, looking around the frame. Cadence’s head sat above hers. Then Luna’s, and lastly, Celestia’s.
Honestly, they had no words for what they were seeing.
Much taller than a typical Equestrian vacuum cleaner, the long stem stood easily just shy of Twilight’s current height. It was a dull green, with gray accents. Furthermore, it was just moving all about on it’s lonesome. The power cord was safely wrapped up on two hooks along the handle.
It was also eerily quiet. No electric motor sucking in dirt or debris. It just moved about the room, seeming to almost study the objects.
Suddenly, it turned towards them, and all four mares pulled their heads back and away from the doorway, huddling in a circle.
“Okay, so… that looked like a vacuum to the rest of you, correct?” Twilight asked.
The three others nodded.
“It also appeared to be studying the room, not cleaning,” Celestia noted.
The other three nodded.
“It was not plugged in, suggesting a portable power source?” Luna added.
Nodding, the three others did.
“It looked quite sleek and modern, but it’s hoof handle seemed too tall for an average pony,” Cadence inserted.
Three of the others nodded.
“Is there a reason we’re whispering?”
The new voice was strange, having almost a tinny sound like it was speaking through a tin can. It sounded male in origin, and as the four ponies looked between Twilight and Celestia, the vacuum stood there in their small huddle.
“Oh, hello!” it seemed to speak, the headlamp glowing with each syllable.
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Chapter 3: Decisions, Decisions...
Chapter 3: Decisions, Decisions...
The process took over an hour. Mostly filling in forms, Twilight was given the privilege to use Three Point One’s keyboard. The poor mare tried and tried to ask questions about his interface, how he worked, so on and such, but the computer refused to answer anything until the forms were completed.
Most questions were easily answered by the book worm alicorn, although a few oddly specific things about the planet and its history had to be answered by both Celestia and Luna. Cadence had decided to remain silent, listening, and interjecting once in a while with a comment that made the assembled ponies laugh.
WELL, THAT SHOULD BE
EVERYTHING. NOW, YOU
HAD SOME QUESTIONS FOR
ME, SNARKLE?
“Urg!” Twilight groaned. “For the last time, that was a typo! I was still getting familiar with your input keys.”
VERY WELL. H-00-V-ER, WHY
DON’T YOU TAKE THE OTHER
THREE TO BEGIN THEIR
SELECTION PROCESS?
ME AND S~~N~~PARKLE SHALL
PLAY 20 QUESTIONS.
“Very well. Come this way!” Hoover began rolling out.
“Please, don’t take too long, Twilight. We don’t want to be separated for longer than need be,” Cadence said, nuzzling her sister in law.
“I promise.”
WORST CASE, I WILL
SIMPLY PRINT OUT ALL
THE INFORMATION I
CAN GIVE HER.
“Careful with that kind of promise, Three Point One, Twilight here is our resident egg head and book work extraordinaire,” Cadence said with a giggle, causing Twilight to pout.
JOY.
With that, Cadence was the last to follow Hoover out of the room, the door closing behind them.
“Will she be alright?” Celestia asked the vacuum, walking alongside it.
“Oh, yes, of course. If anything, I’m actually a bit more worried about Three Point One. He’s patient, but only so. Although, I’m sure he’ll want to know more about your magic and abilities.”
“Well, Twilight is the right pony for the job then,” Celestia said with a smile.
“Pray tell, Hoover, now that we have been registered, what all does that entail?” Luna asked.
“Oh, nothing much. Mostly it’s for our own records, and where we’ve left some of our own. Rest assured, we do not release any other information to other worlds, and in the case of a breach and unwanted boarding, we’re set to self destruct and destroy all information we have.”
“That’s… reassuring.”
“Actually, as one of the few A.I’s to have any semblance of feeling anything , it quite terrifies me since we’ve had a couple close calls in the past.”
“Are you saying most of you cannot feel anything?” Celestia asked.
“In a physical sense or emotional sense? Because we have sensors so we don’t just blunder into the wall or anything, but emotions? That sort of stuff, no. We’re artificial for a reason. I only say I am terrified because I’ve been programmed with the knowledge of why something would be terrified, what examples of being terrified would be, and the outcome of what could happen if you were or were not in particular situations.
“So I know what being terrified is, enough to say I would be, even though I can’t feel it.”
“You machines are a complex bunch,” Luna added.
“Very. Wait until you meet some of the others.”
“Are they worse? Or better?” Cadence decided to finally join the conversation.
“Little bit of both, depending on their A.I. chips. Most of us are okay, but a few of us are… unhinged.”
“Unstable?” Luna asked.
“I was trying to avoid the pun around you, but sure.”
“What about Three Point One back there? He seems rather advanced and intelligent, if not a bit standoffish with his snark.”
“Hah! Actually, he’s quite dated when it comes to us A.I. chipped machines. He’s designed for simple tasks, and he’s been shoved into a primitive computer of our master’s technological boom. He’s also only snarky like that because he watches too many cartoons from the database.”
“Cartoons?” Luna asks.
“Right, forgot. Think of a newspaper comic strip, brought to life on a screen much like Three Point One’s.”
“Truly? Oh, what we would give to watch Marmaduke in action,” Luna flapped her wings.
“Well, once you get your ambassador, I’d think in the next few decades you might have some early mass media machines coming to fruition.”
“Huzzah!” Luna shouted.
Following Hoover, the three alicorns walked into a small elevator, which in a blink of an eye moved them down several floors. The doors open again, and what greets them pitch black.
“Um, is… there anything there?” Cadence asked.
“Yes, I just need to switch back on the power banks. One moment.” Hoover rolled over to a panel, pressed a few buttons with his plug, then threw a large red switch.
All three ponies watched in awe as large banks of lighting, high up at least ten stories, began coming to life, illuminating the massive room.
“By Starswirl’s beard, this is as big as an airship’s berth!” Luna gasped, stepping forward.
“Well, we have well over ten thousand different items here, with enough variety to hopefully sate any sort of sapient beings curiosity. Now, obviously, if we were to go through every single thing here, we’d be here for a few years. So, I’ve got a way to narrow it down.
“Would you want something to help better yourself, or your peoples?”
“Peoples.”
“Our Ponies.”
“Myself.”
Celestia and Luna blinked, looking to Cadence in shock. The younger alicorn looked confused.
“What? It was an honest answer. I’ve done a lot for the Crystal Empire, I’d like something for it.”
“Tis fair,” Luna nodded.
Celestia agreed. “Yes, but with this opportunity, I’d say we go with our little ponies.”
Cadence smiled, nodding. “Yeah, I agree. Still, it was an honest answer.”
Suddenly, Cadence found herself sandwiched between both of her aunts, accepting their wings upon her back and the nuzzles they shared.
“Rest assured, Niece, though we are retired, we are still there to aid you and young Sparkle should either of you need it. We are but a spell or scroll away,” Luna said.
“What Luna said,” Celestia agreed.
“Thanks, both of you,” Cadence nuzzled them back.
“That is probably very adorable, but uh… while we’re not on a timeframe, I’m in no mood to have another race’s leader spend so much time here that they died of old age, then we had to have their first heir come and pick their ambassador.”
Celesita was the first to pull away. “Apologies, it’s very easy for us to get lost in the moment when it is just us alicorns.”
“Right. Okay, so you want something to better your peoples. Very well, follow me!”
So they did.
Along either side of them, on each wall were dozens upon dozens of doors, from floor to ceiling. All the same size, and above each one was either a green, amber, or red light. Most had green, with a few amber ones scattered about. However, as they neared one of the doors with red on the ground level, it suddenly opened up.
All three ponies jumped back upon the loud roar that came from the room, however Hoover simply said sigh.
“Forgive me, but Tucker here has overly sensitive audio sensors. Probably heard us when we first turned on the power.”
Inside the room was a large, massive maroon colored beast .
“Ponies, say hello to Tucker. Chassis number one-zero-four-two, a rarity from his time, and went through a lot before the vehicle was ever restored enough for display. He is what’s called an automobile , and they were very common from the early twentieth century well into the end of humanity, although their fuel source and luxury changed with each passing century. Tucker here is one of the early ones, where safety was forgone for speed, looks, and mass. Now, however, he only wishes to kill. We don’t really know what happened or why, but sometimes our chips simply… go bad.”
Hoover began moving, however as the three sisters began to follow, they noticed several small dents around the front chrome of this automobile. Luna couldn’t help but be drawn into the center glass light, glowing a steady, pulsing red, as it turned and followed her movement until she was out of sight.
A cold shiver ran down her spine. “Hoover, pray tell, but… if such a massive machine of steel and death can go rampant, what about you? Or whatever we decide to pick?”
“That’s what the amber lights are for. Those are of us who aren’t really bad, but have shown potential for something wrong in their coding. You must realize, all of us are based on a human’s mind, and while we’re far smarter than they were, connected to the database and can pick and choose what or how we act… some of that person can still linger within our data streams.”
“And yourself?” Celestia asked.
Hoover stopped, the ponies standing side by side as they waited for his reaction.
“Most of those files were expunged before our launch, so we don’t really know the who for ourselves, but we can… sense their mind from time to time. We may be machine and digital code, but the human mind, or any sapient mind really, all rely on neurons and electricity to function, think, and simply be.”
Hoover turned around, facing the ponies.
“I think… he was a speaker. Encouraging, pushing and fighting for the betterment and progress of humanity. Probably why they assigned me for first contact and relations, and maybe why your question from earlier threw me off for a moment. If I think about it too much, their loss...”
Stepping forward, Celestia dipped her head down low so she was facing the vacuum cleaner, face to rubber bumper guard.
“Hoover, you now know where we are, and I hope you’ve deemed us a peaceful world. Enough so, that if you or your shipmates ever find a problem, you’re welcome to return to us for help.”
The vacuum cleaner sat still, the only sign of “life” being the steady, dim strobe of the appliance’s headlight.
“Thank you… Celestia,” Hoover finally said, then turned about face, and rolled on.
“Now, chop chop, I’d like to get to section nine, and with any luck Sparkle will be joining us by then.
True enough, as they rounded a bend, Twilight Sparkle was already waiting for them at the entrance of another bay in the large storage room.
“I trust all went well?” Celestia asked.
Twilight Sparkle hesitated a moment, then slowly nodded. “It… was interesting. Three Point One asked me something that… I’m not sure about yet.”
“Oh?” Cadence asked with a smirk.
“He wants me to donate a part of my brain.”
The other three ponies froze, the grin on Cadence’s muzzle instantly disappearing.
“What?” Luna voiced.
Hoover rolled between them. “Really? That’s quite remarkable. Three Point One must have registered something unique about you to ask for such a thing. We’ve only done it twice between the six previously discovered lifeforms.”
“And what did they say?” Luna asked, frowning.
“One said yes, the other said no.”
“And what became of the yay sayer?” Luna continued.
“Nothing, honestly. We surgically removed a graft of their brain, no larger than a postage stamp, and sent them on their way. The last correspondence we got, before their death, was that all was well.”
“So they died?” Celestia asked.
“Their world was in a civil war, with a life expectancy of twenty to forty years. They were desperate, and sought our advice.”
“And what was that advice?”
“To suck it up and stop fighting.”
Celestia hummed. “Were it that easy at times.”
“Aye,” Luna agreed, “maybe then We could have stopped much blood shed upon our fair lands.”
“Humanity found peace after countless centuries of world wars, but by that time it was too late.”
“And tell me, Hoover,” Celestia began, “once we receive our ambassador, will we be privy to your Master’s history?”
“But of course.”
Celestia hesitated, which didn’t go unnoticed.
“You… don’t want that, do you?” Hoover turned around.
“I admit I’m… hesitant, because while experiencing new arts and technologies that can, and undoubtedly would, further progress my little ponies… I fear that it would also show us glimpses of horrors best left to the past, be it our own, or your Master’s.”
“I don’t think that’s quite fair, Celestia.”
Three alicorns and a vacuum cleaner turned to Twilight Sparkle.
“Remember, it’s important not to forget the past, but learn from it. Maybe we’ll see some… bad things from their past, but wouldn’t it be a learning experience for us, where to not tread? What not to do?
“Not only that, but Hoover said it himself, that they’re the last of the remnants of an entire world . They’re traveling to keep their lineage alive, and who would we be to allow such a thing to happen? For them to be forgotten, drifting about in space, possibly hopeless.”
Celestia closed her eyes.
“Wise words, Sparkle,” Luna nodded.
Cadence nuzzled up to her sister in law. “We still worry, but I think… you’re right.”
“Hmmm. Now I’m starting to see what Three Point One would have seen in you. In fact, I’d like to use this moment to bring you to one of the first several applicants I can think of right away for you.”
Hoover rolled forward to a door, a green light above it, and it opened.
Celestia and Luna walked forward, giving Twilight a nuzzle, before joining Hoover. Cadence wrapped a wing around the smallest alicorn, and helped push her along to follow their elders.
There was an ordinary table inside the room, where a small rectangle sat.
“Say hello to the Samsung Galaxy Note Five,” Hoover announced.
“Or you can just call me Sammy,” the item said back in a femanine voice.
“What… are you?” Luna stepped forward, looking down at the table’s surface.
Hoover rolled forward. “A cellular device. Cellphone for short, it is also a small mini computer much like Three Point One, only obviously much smaller and a couple decades further along, give or take a few years. With this device, you’d have technological booms world wide. Communications, wireless interfaces, networks, you name it.
“I can also play games and show movies, pictures, music. I’m basically like a mini god.”
Luna huffed a laugh. “Really, mine sister and I have been compared to gods many times. You dare try to tell me this small thing is capable of so much, in so little?”
“Alright, listen here you little-”
“Woah woah now, easy Sammy, easy. Forgive her, but she can’t move on her own, so it’s caused some… commitment issues.”
Luna leaned her face down towards the table, inspecting it. “Hrm, still, such a small inferior device, we doubt it could-”
Suddenly a small, thin strip of plastic was launched from the lower case, smacking Luna directly on the nose.
Luna reared back with a brae.
“Hidden stylus attack!”
“Sammy! That’s no way to treat a guest!”
“Tell her that, she was scrutinizing me.”
“Why, you miserable little, vile device of the damned, I shall-”
Celestia placed a wing on Luna’s back, calming her sister. “Perhaps… something else?”
“I agree. Sammy, apologize so that we may proceed.”
“Fiiiiiine. Sorry for whatever, I guess.”
“Samsung…”
The female voice scoffed. “Okay, gosh. Sorry for launching my stylus at your face.”
Celestia nudged her sister. “Luna?”
Sighing, Luna stood straighter. “And Our apologies for calling you… small and inferior.”
“Very good, let us move on then.”
Stepping away, Luna couldn’t help but look back, just in time for a yellow circle resembling a face appearing on the glass screen, tongue sticking out.
Luna returned her own raspberry, then disappeared around the corner.
“Now, do you know the mechanics behind internal combustion?”
Twilight Sparkle hesitated, tapping her chin. “I remember reading reports about it, but it’s usually not worth the effort, or the effects it leaves upon our economy. We’ve chosen to stick with steam, for the most part, for any non-pony propulsion machines.”
“Alright, so that knocks out several candidates. I also suspect you are equine like, you have no need for a lawnmower.”
“Lawnmower?” Twilight asked.
“A machine built to simply cut grass. Nothing more. We have two of them here, one drivable, the other self propelled but must be guided.”
“We hire mostly goats from the far east for such things. It benefits everycreature, so we see no need for such a thing,” Celestia said.
“Hmmm. Okay, what about music?”
“Everypony enjoys the melodies of music,” Luna said.
“Alright, let's go there next.”
Another few doors passed, then Hoover stopped before one of the many identical doors. There were no numbers anywhere, so how the vacuum cleaner knew where to go was a mystery on the ponies.
The door opened, and resting on the floor was a small, red table radio.
“Oh, that looks familiar,” Twilight said.
“It’s adorable!” Cadence walked closer, inspecting it.
Suddenly, the antenna shot upward, the tuner dial turned, and loud music began blaring out of the speaker.
Cadence jumped back in alarm, while the radio began jumping and bouncing around on it’s four small feet.
“While not our only radio, Old Loudmouth here is the most personable of the lot, and I figured he’d be in tune with your… cheery demeanor.”
The song ended, and the small radio bounded towards Cadence. “I’m also an AM radio alarm clock, which is completely obsolete but I don’t let that get me down!”
Its voice reminded the ponies of the many sports announcers that frequented the radio waves back on Equestria.
“And you’re not too bad looking yourself, dollface.”
Cadence blushed, while Luna smacked her face with her wing.
"His music library is the most complete, along with famous announcements, dramas, and other programs that were saved."
"I'm a borderline audiophile," the radio said, bouncing around Cadence.
"No, he is, " Hoover said, "and that's the point."
"Please, Dollar, you'll make me blush," the radio’s voice changed to a female, like it was from a play.
“Well, his… or her? Their enthusiasm is quite contagious,” Cadence giggled.
“He’s got a personality, that’s for sure,” Hoover began to roll away. “However, we’ve got a few more items to look at, so if you would please?”
Luna and Twilight began walking out, while Celestia snickered at Cadence playing with the radio. “Come, Cadey, we must be off.”
“Oh, alright,” Cadence pouted, but before she could turn around, she felt the radio’s antenna grab her chin gently, forcing her to look back down at it.
“Now now… here’s looking at you, kid.”
Cadence smiled, then turned to follow the others. Celestia continued to stare at the small, funny radio another moment, then shaking her head followed her niece out.
By now, several doors were opening on their own, with all manner of appliances, machines, and technology emerging, conversing, or just sitting still. Some doors remained closed, mostly those with the amber or red lights above.
As the four ponies followed, many of the items were easily identifiable, however there were equally as many that she couldn’t. From small devices, to mobile machines with wheels, one even seemed to resemble a dog, if the dog was trapped in a large box with its head sticking out.
“For most everything here, the chance to get out and move around are several hundred years between sessions. Granted, we’re all supercomputers trapped inside of random junk so we don’t really need to get out , but we are still objects, and if we’re not put through our paces once in a while…”
“Things begin to break,” Celestia said.
“Yes.”
The next door Hoover stopped before was already open, and inside was something unfamiliar.
It was a large brown box with a glass like door taking up most of the front, save for two large dials on the right side, one clearly a timer, the other having multiple settings.
“Say hello to Eeore, a mid seventies General Electric microwave. Eeore, these are ponies of Equestria, looking for an ambassador.”
“Hello,” the microwave said with a dull, bored tone.
“Are you okay?” Twilight asked, approaching.
“Just peachy.”
“Don’t mind him,” Hoover began, “he’s just always like this.”
“That’s about it,” Eeore responded.
“Oh, well… um, what do you do, Eeore?”
“I cook.”
Twilight blinked.
“So, you’re an oven?”
“A microwave.”
Twilight’s ears began to lay flat. “So… what do you do to cook food?”
“I pummel whatever’s put inside me with microwaves until it’s hot enough to cook.”
Twilight backed up a step.
“Yeah, that’s usually the reaction. Siiiiigh. I’m used to it.”
Hoover rolled forward. “The microwave was one of the pinnacle inventions of the late twentieth century. Not just for cooking, but ease of warming and other manner of things. It’s technology was used many times to thwart electronic equipment like tracing devices and spy equipment. Sadly… too much of it and it can be bad for you, but rest assured, the food it would make was entirely harmless.”
“Somewhat.”
“Hush!”
“Um, okay, well thank you Eeore for your time. We’ll… keep in touch?”
“Okay.”
Twilight stepped out, joining the others.
“He sounded quite depressed,” Celestia noted.
“Sadly, that’s just how he is,” Hoover rolled on, to which the ponies followed.
The next door was closed, and Hoover went to stand before it.
“Oh, come on now, open up!”
There was what sounded like the ring of a bell from the other side.
“What do you mean? We don’t have time to play your games, open up!”
All four alicorns stood before Hoover, looking at the door questioningly. Then, slowly, the door began to open with dramatic, booming music playing. Billows of white smoke began pouring out of the room, and a bright, intense light shone outward, nearly blinding the ponies (save Celestia) as the door continued it’s slow opening.
“Showoff…” Hoover muttered, then rolled back.
As the smoke cleared, out rolled what was evidently a bicycle , although not designed for any equestrian. It also had all manner of accessories strewn about it, such as lamps, streamers, a lion’s head on the front, and two hard side pouches at the rear wheel.
“This is Big Red, a nineteen forty six Schwinn Western Flyer. Big Red houses data about most of the sports, exercises, and all manner of fitness practices to keep a living being happy and healthy.”
“Hello!” The bike said in a cringy tone, followed by two honking style laughs.
Immediately, Luna, Cadence, and Twilight all looked to Celestia, the eldest alicorn quickly realizing she'd fallen to everypony’s attention.
“What?” Celestia asked.
“Perhaps this is a good choice, mayhaps it would assist mine sister in losing a few of those stray pounds upon her flanks,” Luna said with a grin.
“Are you calling me fat!? ” Celestia spat.
“Well defined would be nicer,” Cadence added.
“Oh dear…” Hoover muttered, backing away from the open door.
Celestia and Luna were muzzle to muzzle, glaring at one another, when from below them a skinny rubber tire rolled up, separating the two.
“Now now, there’s no need to fight!” Big Red began, ringing his bell. “There’s more productive things to do than argue and bicker.”
Suddenly, Celestia felt herself being moved upward, and now sitting on the uncomfortably small (to a horse, it was otherwise a large) seat of the bicycle, which then began pedalling off with a shrieking Celesita along for the ride.
“Come on now, put those rear hooves on the pedals, we can burn off some of those calories in a jiffy!”
“Lunaaaaaa, Cadeeeeeey, Twiiiiiliiiiiight, heeeeeeeelp!” Celestia was gone after several moments.
Slowly, the three remaining alicorns couldn’t hold back their laughter, letting out loud guffaws and whinneys, Luna going so far as to roll on the floor.
“Sigh, ” Hoover said, taking the lunar alicorn’s tail in his cord and began pulling her away, with still giggling Cadence and Twilight close behind.
The next door was several large bays away, a massive 21 above the archway. “Now we’re entering the larger scale stuff, however there’s one just before we enter the large hanger I’d like you to meet.”
Big Red had finally dropped off Celestia, who was panting and covered in a lather of sweat, as the bike had taken her around several laps before letting her go. Interestingly enough, Twilight was the first to notice Old Loudmouth following behind, with Sammy the cell phone resting on top.
They stopped at another one of those ordinary doors, however something was different.
“There’s an amber light above this one?” Twilight asked, which drew in the other pony’s curious looks.
“Yes, but I felt like this one would be… beneficial.”
This time, instead of the door simply opening, Hoover had to stand directly in front of the door, while a blue light illuminated the space in which the vacuum occupied, then with a click and a beep, the door opened.
The four alicorns looked on with curiosity, and while the shape was different, having a tall back part, a foldable seat, and several switches and buttons, it was impossible to mistake this thing for what it was.
“A toilet? Really?”
Twilight’s outburst caused the other ponies, radio, and cell phone to chuckle.
Then, a loud, booming voice came from the room.
“I am a monument to all your sins.”
“Oh hush, drama queen,” Hoover moved to the side. “This is the O.T., otherwise known as the Outside Toilet. We just call him Chief .
“Step forth, beings, and be judged.”
With a roll of her eyes, Luna was the first to approach. Suddenly, a small camera-like object came from the side, and again a blue light much like earlier surrounded Luna.
“Hrm. Impressive, while you do not show it, your body and mind are that of an ancient being. Organic, with strange thaumic energies surrounding you. You’ve also been touched by a tainted source, and are still fighting it off.”
Luna gasped.
“You… are worthy.”
Suddenly, the door closed down, trapping Luna inside.
“Luna!”
“Sister!”
“Auntie!”
The three alicorns rushed forward, but Hoover stopped them.
“Relax, there’s actually a perfectly good reason for this. You’ve all been here for hours, so I figured you’re organs needed… release.”
Twilight blinked. “Wait, you mean…”
There was then the sound of a flush, and a few seconds later, the door opened to a starry eyed Luna, a silly grin on her face.
“Oh… how wonderful that twas.”
“The next shall approach, and face judgement!”
Chapter 4: The Clean Choice
Chapter 4: The Clean Choice
All four equines were deemed worthy, although each had varying experiences with the O.T. Apparently, having a jet to wash your behind was a grave oversight in Equestrian plumbing, and would be rectified upon returning home.
Hoover took them into bay twenty one, where the doors were all massive, and more spread apart.
“What monstrosities reside behind these doors?” Luna asked, walking beside Hoover, a silly grin still upon her face.
“These are the large ones, although most were designated for helping more primitive worlds should we find one, yours seems to be not too far behind. But I know one of which would benefit from your world, as apparent by the many railways visible from our satellite imagery.”
They stopped before one of the massive doors. By now, the ponies had noticed not only the radio and phone device, but Big Red was pushing around Eeore on a small wheeled cabinet made of wood.
“Alright, ponies, the final one on our list.” At Hoover’s words, this door was split in two, going into each wall.
“Oh my…” Luna gasped.
“Oh wow…” Cadence agreed.
Before them was a massive locomotive. It was all black, the number 1225 impressively blazed upon the front, showing it’s rail number.
Honestly, the Crystal Empire’s speed engine was a joke in comparison, and it was the high end fleet of engines available to all of Equestria.
“Meet the N-one two dash eight dash four Berkshire, or as we simply call him Pere because of his original operation line.”
“Greetings,” the booming, yet not overly loud voice said, followed by a ring of a bell.
“You’re huge! ” Twilight blurted out, which she quickly covered her muzzle with a blush on her cheeks.
“Haha, yes, I get that many times.”
Hoover rolled forward. “Pere here was a museum piece, tour train, used as the inspiration for one of the most popular children’s books for the Christmas holiday, and around the year two thousand one hundred and ten, used as a red cross engine after the massive EMP bombs took out most modern electronics of the era.”
“I did my duty, with honor.”
“Your chip wasn’t even installed then!”
“Yet I still have many of those battle scars as reminders.”
“Yeah yeah. Anyway, why I wanted to show this to you. From what I could gather from our surveyors, and my own experience, train travel is quite popular in your world, however the sizes are… small. Seems most of your trains could only pull about fifty cars at most.”
“Yes, that’s about right,” Celestia said, still looking on in awe.
“Fifty? How sad. I can easily haul four times that, and travel great lengths and distances. Had I been converted like my sister in the early twenty second century with a nuclear reactor, I could haul even more.”
“Sister?” Celestia asked.
“Nuclear reactor!?” Twilight gasped.
“It is but a sad story, one I’m sure Hoover would love to tell you later, nor would I wish upon the horrors of when her reactor went critical.”
“She detonated around twenty three oh seven, and when we were thrust into space, you could see the area of effect still two hundred years later,” Hoover said solemnly.
And then, the final bit of tour began, as the four equestrian’s began to study Pere, with the four other items following them, talking, conversing, and above all else, sharing. Knowledge, music, even poetry, everypony and every item talked about what they were about, who they were, and simply marvel at how the previous Masters of all this were both mad and brave.
Throughout all of this, Hoover continued to interject when he felt needed, and sprinkle in details forgone by the others.
Another hour had gone by, where they all met back at the front of Pere, the locomotive cooling down after showing off his steam capacity to a curious Luna and Cadence, even allowing them to try his whistle.
Alas, as all good things, they had to come to an end.
“So, you’ve met your candidates, now I hope you can come together on a decision,” Hoover stood before the four ponies, all of which still looking around, smiles plastered upon their faces.
It was young Twilight, however, that drew in her fellow alicorns, whispering, and looking back at the assembled group.
Then, Pere let out a hearty chuckle, apparently overhearing what was being said.
“You should ask him, then,” he said, clearly to the ponies.
Nodding, Twilight was the one to step forward, uncertainty clearly on her mind, but with three of her peers silently cheering her on, she gulped and put a forehoof forward.
“Hoover, is there anything saying we can pick something else, than what you’ve shown us?”
The vacuum cleaner was silent, the headlamp dim. “I’m… sorry? What?”
“Is there?” Twilight asked again.
“Well… I mean, no, I just simply went through the database to establish what candidates would best-”
“Then we’d like to pick you,” Twilight cut off the appliance.
Hoover rolled back, headlamp glowing bright white. “M-M-ME!? What? But-”
“Would that be a problem?” Celestia stepped forward. “While we appreciate, and adore these others you’ve shown us…”
Luna then joined in. “We all have found your company quite enjoyable.”
Then Cadence stepped up. “We know you said you have an important job here, but is it something that could be placed upon another?”
“Well, I mean, nothing says it has to just be me… but I’ve done it so long… I just…”
“Little Hoover, you have done much for us, for humanity, but it is time to do for yourself. You’ve been awake for so many cycles. Go, share with these equines our homeworld, our Masters.”
“But what of Three Point One!? Surely he will not-”
There was a crackle of static, and a voice boomed over a speaker.
“I’ve already filled out the paperwork. Your replacement is being sought out as you sit there and blubber on.” The computer’s voice called out.
“I… I don’t know what to say. None of the six previous species ever considered me before… I just…”
“Well then, we make number seven, and seven has proven itself to be quite a lucky number,” Celestia smiled down at the vacuum cleaner.
“Yes… same with… the Masters.”
There was another bout of silence.
“Sooooo…” Cadence said, leaning forward. “Do you wanna?”
“Um… yes?”
What next caught the vacuum by surprise, nearly causing him to inflate his bag as a defensive mechanism.
All four of the ponies rushed forward, hugging the appliance between themselves.
“Welcome to Equestria, Hoover,” Twilight said.
Several Years Later…
Princess Twilight Sparkle walked about her Canterlot Castle with long, powerful, and graceful strides. She hummed one of the many new songs to hit the airwaves in Equestria. Herself, as well as the other three alicorns, had made an announcement of the discovery of a bountiful resource of knowledge, art, music, and inventions from a passing alien craft, shared willingly to them by its creators. It had been such a joyous occasion, that even the tabloid ponies paid the small scar on her scalp no mind.
So over the course of a couple months, a new art exhibit was opened in Canterlot’s Museum of Arts, where one former Princess of the Night shared tales and stories, their history, and what they meant to a long lost people. Of what these humans had created on canvas, or photographed, for all of time to remember.
Music notes and stanzas had begun to be floated around, even going so far as a few groups to spring up which specialized in the unique music choices, including four changelings whose sole goal was to spread rock and roll . It was the Princess of Love herself who strived for the ever encompassing passion of music to be heard throughout the land.
And then there was the technological boom. While many things would not be happening overnight, there was enough information to have the Canterlot, Manehattan, Fillydelphia, and many other institutes busy for generations to come. Advancements that would one day ensure Equestria as a utopia of prosperity. Celestia herself oversaw the tutelage, which gave the returned teacher something to look forward to that wasn’t bingo.
Rounding a corner, Twilight nodded to a passing maid, and then stopped before a simple closet door, where one lone guard stood vigilant.
“Is he in?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, your highness, he is just resting after working in the west wing.”
Nodding, Twilight rapped on the door with three gentle knocks.
The door opened, revealing a simple cleaning closet, filled with chemical supplies, brooms, mops, and of course-
“Good day to you, Hoover.”
“Your highness!” a mostly green, with a bit of gray on the lower half, vacuum cleaner said happily, each syllable enhanced by the strobing of its headlamp.
From her pocket dimension, a large notepad and quill were pulled out, already half full of notes, stories, and other such things to be published one day. “I have some time off, and wondered if you wished to join me while I enjoy my lunch? Maybe share another story or two?”
The vacuum cleaner rolled out of the closet, the guard graciously closing the door behind it. Then, Twilight swept a hoof ahead of her, and the appliance began rolling down the hall, Twilight taking strides to walk beside it.
“So,” Hoover began, “with any luck we’ll have the television set completed in a few decades, but I have to tell you about my favorite I Love Lucy episode. It’s all about candy, you see, chocolates to be exact…”
The End.
Author's Note
I know this last chapter was kinda short, but honestly my steam was wearing out and the things coming out of my body currently are unholy.
BLOG POST THINGIE.
