"Hmm, pineapple or strawberries? Pineapple does sound appetizing right now."
Having recently retired as the princess of Equestria, Celestia and her sister Luna happily took up residence at Autumn Falls, one of the most luxurious retirement centers out near the outskirts of Las Pegasus.
With no more draining duties to tend to, the royal sisters spend their days socializing with their ~~subjects~~ new friends and neighbors, treating themselves to what the center has to offer and enjoying each other's company.
Now, on that peaceful morning, the princess of the sun happily prepares a tasty breakfast comprised of toast, apple juice, and her signature stack of flapjacks topped with pineapple and whipped cream.
Everything was right in the world and everypony was happy.
SLAM!
That is, except for one...
"Oh, morning, sister." Celestia chimes as her sister enters the room. "Pancakes?"
Luna was sour.
Her translucent mane was frazzled and deflated, the coldness of her stare could freeze the sun, and her frowning brow could put any irritated avian creature to shame.
The glum alicorn sulks all the way toward the dining room table, sitting in a chair across from her sister in silence.
"More for me, I suppose." Celestia hums, looking on in confusion.
"Hmm..."
"Uh oh, is that a pouty lip I see? Did somepony not get enough sleep?"
"..."
"Coffee?"
"Mmph."
"Here, have some toast."
Luna grasps the slice of toast offered to her in her magic and crumbles it to dust with a growing sneer.
"Have another."
Luna takes another offered slice, rips it in half and tosses it aside.
"Room for one more?"
Luna slings the last slice up against the kitchen wall.
"Last I recall, you're supposed to eat them."
"I am in no mood for breakfast, sister." Luna snorts.
"Want anything from the fridge? We have soda, OJ, some purple stuff...banana?"
Luna dumps the only banana inside the fridge into a trash bin.
"Don't you at least want the peel? You always used to eat the peel."
"Your attempts at breakfast bribery shan't sway me."
"Then what seems to be the problem?"
"I request satisfaction!" Luna growls, slamming her hooves on the table.
"Sister, relax!"
"You dare tell me to relax?!" Luna's voice booms. I will vanquish you!"
"Don't you raise your Canterlot voice at me, Luna!"
"I am INEVITA-"
POOF!
Luna scrunches her nose as Celestia lightly bops her snoot with a throw pillow.
"Did you just hit me with a pillow?" Luna utters.
"Yes, I did," Celestia nods, bopping her again. "And you deserve it. Just take a deep breath, and-"
"Grrrr..."
"Luna, use your words."
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..."
"Come on, maybe some outdoor air would help."
Luna coldly turns her head from her concerned sister as she stomps toward the door. Coming from down the hall was a guard pony casually strolling by carrying a plate of fresh assorted cookies.
"Morning, your former highness," he greets. "Care for some cookies?"
Luna swipes the plate from the guard's grasp and shatters it against his noggin, knocking him to the ground.
"My mistake," he groans. "Oatmeal raisin ain't for everypony."
"Luna!" Celestia gasps.
"We are retired, sister!" the alicorn stomps her hoof. "We are in no need for feeble security or service! We princesses are to be dignified, not adorkable!"
"But he's a guard for the resort!"
"Only two days left til retirement..." the guard mutters.
"Silence, fallen foe, before I gut you with this spoon!"
A small group of guards come fumbling in to witness the shocking altercation of the careless cookie crime.
"Ma'am," one says. "Please drop and step away from the spoon."
"Begone, fiends!" Luna booms. "I will dress you as lettuce and feed you to the snails! It will be a slow death!"
"Jokes, sister?" Celestia groans. "You have jokes now?!"
Her horn emitting an ominous glow, Luna unleashes a devastating blast that repels the group against the walls and burns a gaping hole through the exit doors, angrily moving forward with a twitching eye.
Neighboring ponies investigating the commotion from outside scatter left and right, taking cover from the livid mare's frightening presence as she emerges from the smoke staring daggers at everypony.
"FEEL MY WRATH, PEASANTS!" she bellows.
Celestia gallops outside to watch her sibling's grumpy episode unfold upon the poor ponies.
"Luna!" she calls out. "When will you calm down and talk this over?!
"When you refrain from stuffing your maw with cakes!"
"You cut me deep, sister. You cut me real deep just now."
The shaken princess tails her sister amidst the chaos. While descending to catch her breath, a subtle creaking nearby catches her attention.
"Ooh, doggie!"
There watching the mayhem continue was an astounded Granny Smith rocking soundly in her rocking chair.
"Butter my flank and call me a biscuit," she gasps. "She's pitchin' a hissy fit with a tail on it!"
"I'm afraid so." Celestia sighs.
"Who licked the red off her candy, dearie?"
"I don't know what it is. She's always a little grumpy in the morning before coffee, but not this grumpy."
"Has she eaten anything lately?"
"N-No, I don't think so, I tried to feed her earlier but she wasn't hungry. Why?"
"I SHALL PULL THY LIVER OUT THROUGH THY EARS AND MAKE THOU EAT IT!"
Ponies scream and cower before Luna's aggressive wave of blinding magic beams, their impacts shaking the ground around them.
"Oh, no," Celestia whines, facehoofing. "She's using old English again!"
"Don't you worry," Granny says. "I'll whip up a li'l cure faster than a one-legged mare in a flank-kickin' competition. You go on and distract her for a bit."
"There's a cure for this?"
"Ah HA! We have captured thee!"
Panicked, Celestia steps outside and spots Luna in the air and rushes over to observe her odd interaction with a confused kitty cat.
"What are you doing, Luna?!"
"This 'Admiral Snuggles' creature was gazing upon us quite strangely, it must be annihilated!" Luna hisses, dropping the kitten.
Celestia dives for the ground and catches the little fur baby in her magic.
"This is getting out of hoof!"
"You know what they say, sister. One must become the ENEMY!"
"How's the cure now, Granny Smith?!"
"Now was it two sprinkles, or a dash?" Granny mumbles to herself before sticking her head out the hut's window. "J-Just keep her busy, I'm almost done!"
"Busy, busy..."
A lightbulb brightens in her mind.
Catching up to the airborne alicorn, Celestia grabs her and holds her tight in a sisterly hug.
"You shan't halt devastation, sister!" Luna states, breaking out of her wholesome hold.
"Remember when you slipped laxatives in my chocolate cake and thought it was funny? Don't you want to laugh at that?"
"Twas OUR cake to begin with!"
"Oh, right...oops."
Luna shoves her sister back and dives back down blasting aimlessly at anything that moved an inch, to Celestia's chagrin.
Soon, Granny Smith waddles out of her hut carrying something wrapped in a napkin.
"It's finished, Sugarcube!" she hollers as the princess swoops toward her.
"Thank goodness." Celestia says. "I just hope she didn't turn completely mad already."
"These're just the basic symptom-ajiggers. Anger, aggression, she might even start ramblin' nonsense nopony's used in ages."
"FEAR THE JUGGERNAUT OF OUR WRATH, LOATHESOME DRIGGLE-DRAGGLES AND FOPDOODLES!"
"Heh, well whataya know?"
"Are you certain this'll calm her down?"
"Don't you fret none, yer former heiny-ness. Once she takes a bite outta this, she'll be grinnin' like a possum eatin' a sweet tater!"
"I'll take that as a 'yes' then."
Equipped with the key to Equestria's survival, the princess steps valiantly upfront into the danger zone past all the rubble and KO'd guards.
"Luna, show yourself!"
BOOM!
The dark alicorn comes soaring down from the stormy clouds above to the hard ground with an earth-shattering thud.
"GO AWAY, SISTER!" she roars.
"Sister, eat this...thing," Celestia huffs. "Please."
"DOST THOU TAKE US FOR A FOOL?!"
"Luna, you're not you when you're hangry."
"We be only hungry for salvation! Our royal hooves crave destruction!"
Luna's tummy lightly grumbles and wiggles about.
"That be our...hooves."
"I'm too old for this."
"Stay back, sis- mmm!"
"..."
"..."
"Better?"
CRUNCH!
"Mmm......better."
Celestia collapses while a fully restored Luna happily nibbles on her crunchy treat, gracefully fluttering down to the floor.
"What do you call this, Granny Smith?" Luna asks.
"Oh, I done forgot the whatchamacallits' name," Granny Smith ponders. "Lickers or somethin' or other. Got the recipe from an ol' friend of mine."
"Mmm, well, it is quite delectable."
"I 'member last time when Big Mac used to be hangry. Boy kept wrestlin' rocks and losin' to 'em. I tell ya, sometimes, that boy could throw himself to the ground and miss, hehe."
"This was a great way to start a morning, wouldn't you agree, sister?"
As ponies creep back outside, a damaged oak tree collapses and crushes a picnic table into bits, destroying a plate of oatmeal raisin cookies.
"That's one way of putting it, I suppose..." Celestia mutters.
"And nothing of value was lost."🍪
Author's Note
Based on this:
