Pinkie stared out over Ponyville from her room above Sugarcube Corner and carefully tried to plan her day out to the most maximum amount of fun that she could- barring any odd extra events she could usually do her job of giving the whole town, or at least a good portion of it, the maximum amount of fun without causing her to go into a complete frenzy. Cause she didn't want another event of Pinkamena to come again. Once was good enough for her and the town in general.
She felt a wash of her Pinkie Sense as she walked through her bedroom door and took her few necessities- a bag full of party supplies, a snack or two to keep up her nearly boundless energy, and a few drinks for refreshment. Even though some ponies thought she ran on pure sugar that wasn't completely the case.
She looked at her list of events for the week and ran through them carefully. "Okay, so hanging out with Rainbow and Butterscotch won't be too difficult since they just wanted to see me and hang out. Applejack only wants me to see the barn raising tomorrow and Rarity wants me to look over some designs for a few more exciting dresses. Oh and then Twilight is just Twilight so she probably will come up with some odd spell she came up with. Those are always super duper exciting. So barring any odd happenings, it can't be too hard to make everypony happy."
"Pinkie, don't be stupid like me. I mean the act to get this mess was fun, I mean really fun, but ugh." Dash leaned back in her chair, the swell of her pregnant stomach looking far larger than her five months on her small frame. She carefully tried to lean forward and winced. "Butterscotch, I hope when this baby pops out, I don't die."
Butterscotch eeped as he carefully tapped his hooves together. "I told you, Dashie, I was super sorry about that."
Dash rolled her eyes. "It's been five months and you still don't know when I'm kidding. Okay. I don't want to die cause I might want to have a chance to have another one. Plus I would love to use some form of protection but the Wonderbolts do drug tests. . ."
Pinkie cocked her head. "I don't think those are the drugs they'd be searching for."
Dash shrugged. "It's a drug isn't it? I mean sure its not the usual one, but it still does something. Plus if I don't take it, its more exciting for me. Anyway, its not like Scotch's batter can really be stopped anyway. He doesn't look like it, but he becomes a freak in bed."
Butterscotch blushed. "Dash, I don't know if this is completely appropriate for Pinkie, I mean its a lot."
Dash laughed. "I'm not being too explicit. And anyway I doubt Pinkie would be wanting something like we got anyway. No offense. Pinks, but you just don't seem the type to do something so reckless."
Pinkie nervously laughed. She had thought about relationships before- nothing too major- but she had seen how nice it could be with the Cakes and her fillyhood of the rock farm, while not perfect, gave her memories of fun times with her sisters. The feelings of need that she could feel when she was alone in bed, quietly thinking of the future and all that, well, fun and excitement that could result. She could feel butterflies in her tummy as she thought of the possibilities. And most of the feelings that had been in the background were all because of one rather loud, if fun to be around, pegasus. "Oh yeah, that's totally not me. I mean have you seen me? A baby would totally slow me down."
Dash nodded. "Knew it. I mean come on I wouldn't know how you'd take care of like a foal and the entire town's yearly supply of parties. I'd probably die trying."
Pinkie laughed, and let her friend's unknowingly careless words glide off her like rain. "I do take care of the Cake Twins every once in a while. And the Cakes don't even have to pay me cause the two of them aren't too bad if you just go with the flow."
Dash waved a hoof. "Yeah, but like that's two of them and they aren't related to you. No offense, but imagine a mini you. Like one of you is an experience. If there were more, I think the world would end."
Butterscotch rolled his eyes. "Doubt it. Though the sheer amount of excitement would put a damper on my alone time." The yellow stallion shook his head as he knew exactly what his marefriend was thinking. "And no, Dash, when I said 'alone time" I didn't mean our time together. I meant fully alone, by myself, time."
Dash crossed her arms over her large stomach and sighed. "Come on Scotch, you heard what the doctor said a few days ago- no sex for like three months. I mean come on. I mean sure, the average mare can deal with their urges just fine. But they aren't holed up with an 'epitome of virile stallionhood' like your dick."
Butterscotch stopped pouring the tea for the three of them and stared at Dash for a moment and sighed. "Seems like you've been putting those Daring Do books to fantastic use, I see. And you are just incorrigible about it. I keep telling you that signing me up for all those weird contests you think I'd like is a terrible idea."
Dash sighed. "Yeah, but I can't sign up for Equestria's Hottest Bachelor. And you have modeling experience anyway."
Butterscotch closed his eyes for a moment and facehoofed. "I knew that helping Rarity out that one time would cause issues."
Dash sighed. "Well at least you didn't pose for Playmare. That would have been something but knowing you it would have made my task of showing you off so much easier."
Pinkie looked at the time on Butterscotch's wall, the conversation now getting a little too awkward and personal for her to play off. And she could just hint that she was almost going to run late. Nopony questioned her about things like that. She carefully dug out her list of events for the day and scanned it. "Well, I'm sorry guys, but it seems like Rarity had something come up with a. . . dress. She was asking about how to use party materials in dresses." She grinned, hopefully not letting her eyes give her little white lie away.
Dash groaned. "Fine, fine. Just don't let her con you into getting into a dress. She was trying to get me to try out maternity dresses a few weeks ago and I couldn't say no cause I couldn't zip out as fast as I could in the past. . .well, don't forget I told you that I wanted to hang out tomorrow."
Pinkie cocked her head. "I don't think you did. I mean I have AJ's barn raising to go to and helping Twilight with a spell tomorrow. And Butterscotch asked if I could throw a party for one of his animals on the side."
Dash shrugged. "Nah, I totally asked you to hang out, I think. I mean its hard to forget the monthly pranking. And I'm not gonna let these twenty extra pounds ruin my attempts at pranking." Dash punctuated that statement with a tap of her hoof on the table. "I mean what would I be if I slowed down or got less awesome?"
Butterscotch piped up. "Pretty normal actually."
Dash shot him a look.
Pinkie nodded. "Well, I'll just leave you two. And yeah, I'll try penciling you in." Pinkie silently groaned as she tried to fit Dash's need into her list of things to do tomorrow. Cause while she was quick and able to get around Ponyville in a relative flash, she still had quite a distance. Twilights, Applejack, Butterscotch, Dash. They were so far away from each other and she couldn't just bend the idea of time to her will. That was Twilight's domain. Even if nopony else remembered that.
***
The twinkling bell of Carousel Boutique announced Pinkie's entry. Her hooves had drifted her here on autopilot since her mind was filled with what Dash had said- all the thoughts of things that she didn't think of often dancing in her head.
"Just a moment." Rarity walked in carrying a few bolts of cloth in her magic. "Now good day to you. . .Pinkie? What in the world are you doing here? If Rainbow Dash wasn't so unfortunately masculine in her leanings with dresswear, I'd say you'd be the last pony I'd see here. Well. second to last."
"You said you had a design that needed my help."
The white unicorn nodded ever so slowly. "I did, yes. But that was for next week. Sapphire Shores wanted some unseemly thing made out of materials most definitely not my forte. Bubble wrap and streamers and all this inane stuff. I almost didn't want to take the order except Hoity Toity said I did good work and had put in a good word."
"Uh huh."
Rarity sighed and carefully turned her "Open" sign to "Closed" and levitated over her couch. With a quick tap of her hoof, she offered a cushion to the mare and crossed her hooves in wait. "What, perchance, is wrong, Pinkie?"
The pink earth pony sighed and took a seat. "Just stuff."
Rarity grimaced. She normally tolerated Pinkie, even liked her on the days where she was her most bubbly self. but the mare was just so hard to read when she had a niggling little thing in her head. "Let me guess, did it have to do with our rather brash friend of ours? She's been particularly prickly and rather loud on her opinions on things recently."
Pinkie shifted in the couch and laid back. "Just thinking that all that might be nice."
Rarity rolled her eyes in a most unladylike manner. "Which part of Dash's life would you dare to have? The rampant drinking that pretty much curtails any hope of inviting her to any soiree or garden party that I might dare to go to, the rather obnoxious need for attention, the constant boasting, the rather uncouth way she uses Butterscotch as a living sex toy? I could go on to list all the common faults of that mare, but I doubt you would care or want to stay all day."
Pinkie shook her head. "Just the whole relationship thing."
Rarity scoffed. "Relationships. I mean honestly, good for you. I would love to see you in one, whatever you decide, but after the Gala, I'm far too busy and just disappointed in hopes for stallionkind. It's far easier to have one good and true item when the mood strikes than any fickle male that could hope to measure up to my standards."
Pinkie sighed. "That Blueblood guy must have really done a number on you, huh?"
Rarity's eye twitched. "-yes, that Blueblood fellow did do some rather horrible things. I'm just kind of glad that the Gala fell apart that one-time cause if a paparazzi caught me dead on that failure of a date, I would have never shown my face in public ever again."
Pinkie giggled. "True. And your cat would probably hate it too."
The white unicorn huffed. "Yes, well, less about me. More about why you gallivanted into my shop on a particularly slow day. Now this is some relationship issue, I presume. Haven't heard about you getting with somepony, no matter who, and with how impressively vocal you are about good happenings, I'd say that its more a longing for companionship."
Pinkie nodded. "Well, I thought about asking Twilight about it."
Rarity laughed. "No, that'd be a terrible idea. While I do enjoy a fair bit of talking with our purple friend about Canterlot culture, I'd doubt she'd know the first thing about practical relationships. She sees things in scientific terms. Not a hopeless romantic bone in her body. Though I had heard around town that Twilight and Luna are dating. Which if so, completely destroys my idea of the mare- I mean honestly, I thought she gravitated towards books with how readily she pulls out dusty tomes."
Pinkie sighed.
"Sorry, sorry, couldn't resist gossip. But with that decidedly un-Pinkie dullness, I wonder if you even know the wonders of sex."
Pinkie frowned. "I know of it. And no. I know how stuff works. I mean Twily told me how in detail. Though I may have not paid all that much attention cause it was just so. . .boring. Whoever this Cadance was that Twilight kept mentioning sure doesn't know how to explain stuff well."
Rarity tapped a hoof. "Oh my, virginal stirrings in a mare? How very. . .exciting."
Pinkie rolled her eyes and leaned back on Rarity's couch. "I don't know what that is and I don't want to know. Cause the last time you looked like that you locked yourself in your house just cause we told you our dress orders."
Rarity facehoofed. "Verily. I remember that going slightly differently, though I do hope Butterscotch still has his tuxedo, I rather liked that one. But, back to the here and now. you are telling me you had no attraction to any pony ever, not a little, or at least enough to maybe share a kiss or get to what Dash so vulgarly termed "third or last" base- however the act of lovemaking is so crudely termed."
Pinkie shook her head. "Not really. I mean I grew up on a rock farm surrounded by rocks. Though I did think there was one young colt that might have liked me once."
Rarity lifted an eyebrow and leaned towards Pinkie. "Really? Tell me more."
Pinkie shrugged. "I mean he was at a party once and he wore some goofy glasses and talked about how my party was the best party ever and then I never saw him ever again."
Rarity blinked. "That's. . .highly disappointing."
"I was eight. And it wasn't like I was focusing on stallions or anything. It was more of a weird memory of something kind of nice since nopony had ever truly thanked me for a party before."
Rarity nodded. "Fair, but what was the colt's name? I mean if he left such an impression that even years later you say that he was the closest relationship you had with one of those of the opposite sex."
Pinkie leaned back. "I never asked his name."
Rarity looked at Pinkie, her eye slightly twitching. "You never asked his name. So this whole escapade was entirely pointless? I mean honestly, I was waiting for you to reconnect over a nice cup of tea and reminisce and have a ton of foals and I could be one of those wine aunts that orange friend of Sweetie's keeps calling me. Which grinds my gears since I'm not even thirty yet."
The pink earth pony giggled. "Well, I doubt he has Pinkie Sense or something similar so I can't just find him performing a perfect party, but it was rather nice talking to you. Definitely made me feel better for the moment."
Rarity groaned. "My pleasure. Ah, what about the dress. I mean with the talk, the time slipped away from us."
Pinkie waved a hoof. "Oh, just wait for to-" Pinkie blinked, her memory as to why she came to Rarity remembered, the thought of tomorrow giving her the willies. "Yeah, another time."
***
Pinkie laid on her bed, the worry of tomorrow quickly running through her mind. She'd been holed up in her room for the last hour spitballing ideas on how to make everypony happy- and she was stumped. "Darn it me. I try to do everything super right and I don't know what to do. What do you suggest, Gummy?" Pinkie turned and stared at her crocodile friend.
Gummy stared back at Pinkie, his tongue slowly poking his face. If she had been an animal, she could have heard his treatise on happiness and joy. But she wasn't, so he just sat there.
"You're right, Gummy, why didn't I think of it. Mirror Pool."
The story of the Mirror Pool had been passed down in her family for generations as a fable, one magical pool created by some unknown creature- Pinkie thought Discord was highly likely- a pool that created copies of a pony, duplicating them in a myriad of ways. Granny Pie had told of a story where a pony had to harvest fields of rocks in a night and with the pool, was able to create an army of clones that listened to the disciplined farmer's every word.
Pinkie rubbed her hooves together and grabbed a nearby sheet of wrapping paper and tried to sketch the list of directions she could remember from her memory, a decade of detritus quickly melting away as she hummed the little tune that told her exactly what to do. She giggled as she worked.
With the plan in place, she quietly ran through the ideas for tomorrow- with multiple Pinkies, there would be no issues with multiple parties. The problem was already solved and all she had to do was wake up slightly early and nopony would be the wiser.
"And Twilight thinks I don't have fantastic ideas. I mean what could go wrong with more of me?"
***
Pinkie Pie yawned as she carefully walked through the Everfree Forest. She was lucky to have Pinkie Sense or walking through what most ponies thought of as a super duper dangerous, almost no fly zone just as the sun rose would be a death sentence. But Pinkie was determined to make her friends day memorable and fun. Or at least the most fun with the least amount of effort on her part cause she slept terrible yesterday. The nightmare of ruining or missing her friends' planned events weighed heavy on her.
Pinkie carefully worked through Nana Pinkie's rhyme, silently cursing that nopony went near the Mirror Pool to make the trek there slightly less bramble-y. "Where the brambles are thickest, you will find, the Mirror Pool you seekest, don't you mind". . .weird way to put that old timey rhyme, especially since I doubt most Pies saw how bramble filled the Everfree truly is. I mean how should I know if this particular bramble patch is the brambliest bramble to ever bramble since that one over there could be-" Pinkie's thought was cut short as she stepped into a large hole that the bramble patch was covering.
The sensation of gravity hit her, and she fell down into the dark unknowable, and rather painful hole of black. She couldn't entirely use her Sense as a guiding principle of safety since she couldn't exactly tell what was going on, so she just curled up into a slightly chunky ball and hoped that she could be safe.
She couldn't tell where she was since all she felt for a few seconds was her body bouncing off hard stone and sliding down an incline of some height. She kept her eyes tightly shut and only opened them once her kind of painful ride down was finished.
She opened her eyes and stared down at the Mirror Pool, its glistening clear waters and slight greenish rock shore kind of pretty and almost making up for the aches and pains that she wouldn't tell her friends. It would be really super awkward to explain to Twilight, for example, how she could have gotten hurt when she had what Twilight once jokingly described as "joke related plot armor" which she didn't understand fully.
She carefully trotted down to the Mirror Pool and stared into it, nervously thinking of all the possible bad things that her mind had come up with in the middle of the night. She breathed out and stomped a pink hoof to focus herself since she had only so much time to waste if Nana Pinkie's story about these reflections being clean slates. She had time to learn to be Pinkie given by years of practice and memory. These copies had to get the most condensed Pinkie boot camp to ever be devised by her.
She fished through her saddlebags and carefully pulled out a collapsible stand to lay a hastily drawn series of doodles to explain to a not original Pinkie, the ins and outs of being her- the ponies, the schedule, the eating habits, the Pinkie Sense 101. She had to be the least Pinkie planner to make this work.
She pulled out her watch and looked at the time and she grinned since she was thirty minutes ahead of schedule. Carefully rubbing her hooves, she walked towards the pool and stared into it, quietly chanting the rhyme that her Nana taught her when she was little. "And into her own reflection she stared, uh, yearning for one whose reflection she shared, and solemnly sweared not to be scared at the prospect of being doubly mared!" Taking a deep breath, and attempting to leave out any idea of her being in Rainbow Dash's position of having kids, she fell into the pool.
***
"Fun, fun, fun, fun."
Pinkie had spent some time getting used to another one of her and she wondered if this version of herself came out perfectly. First of all, she didn't think she was that obnoxious and secondly, it was kind of hard to get the clone to focus on the plan. "Okay. That's one. But the problem is that I have multiple things unfortunately planned at the same time, and that doesn't cover the possibility of there being things that will pop up during the day." Pinkie sighed and quietly noted that she should actually plan out her days better- or at least learn how to say no. "Okay, so me teaching me how to be me started. But now I need more of me to do my job better. Cause I can't just have one more of me. It'd be better if I had like four more of me cause then I could have one for each of my friends." She stared at the Mirror Pool and sighed, quickly running through the little jingle in her head. And anyway, it would be quicker to teach multiple Pinkies at once anyway.
Pinkie stared at the four other Pinkies who glanced around the cave like little dogs. Their eyes were glued on everything but her perfectly planned presentation. "Okay, Pinkies 1 through 4. The names of my friends are?"
"Applesnack, Butterface, Twiggy Sprinkles, Cheapity, and Rainbow Fast."
Pinkie blinked and sighed. This was going to be so much harder than she expected. "No. Close, but no. Okay. Its-"
***
Twilight rubbed her hooves together in glee as she stared at her collection of theorems and math that littered her blackboard. She had been attempting to work on a side project for months- while she liked being in Ponyville and having friends, she didn't want to pidgeonhole herself into a unicorn whose life work was only related to friendship related theorems. Useful workarounds for friendship problems wouldn't just give her that kind of legacy that she had dreamed of when she was a foal. She nodded briefly at Spike, who carefully scampered behind a nearby wall in case this planned test of the Bashkir-Tersky paradox of making one item into two similar sized items just with a quick rearrangement spell. Simple in theory, hard in practice since messing with the general laws of physics even briefly usually caused a bit of push back from the world. Twilight carefully slid her safety goggles over and readied the spell, quickly aiming at her least favorite fruit. A lowly orange sat ready to be tested.
"Hey, Twilight!"
Twilight screamed in shock as her spell careened off her carefully created mark. The spell ricocheted around the room, bouncing off the walls until it hit a nearby plant, splining the greenery in half. Twilight blinked at the reflected plant and groaned. "Pinkie, I was trying to test a hypothesis about things you wouldn't understand, let's just say that technically cloning organic matter is what might be affected in the future, and I would be greatly rewarded."
Pinkie grinned stupidly. "So the Mirror Pool, but in more steps."
Twilight grimaced. "Yes, the Mirror Pool, a totally unseen old mare's tale from the time of the Pillars give or take a few hundred years. I'd love to test that out, but some of us work on known parameters of logic, not hopes and dreams. Now what do you want before I ban you from my workshop of science."
"P-I mean me. . .I thought you wanted to do some science experiments. You love science experiments. . .you sure do- Twiglight."
Twilight sighed. It wasn't often that Pinkie called her a wrong pet name or weird nickname for fun- it was at least a biweekly happening when either Pinkie was just bored or tired. "I think Spike could whip something up. But remember, if the vial looks interesting or unknown to you- do not touch. I am still trying to clean up the last mess you caused with the acid spill."
"What acid spill?" Pinkie bobbed her head sideways.
Twilight facehoofed. "Of course, you wouldn't remember causing that horrible hole in my basement floor. Whatever."
***
"Butterscotch, I'm bored."
Butterscotch looked down at dash who had unceremoniously laid herself right in his lap, uncomfortably wedged between his legs in an attempt to tease him. "Well, Dash, a picnic is supposed to be relaxing."
Dash rolled her eyes. "Sleep is supposed to be relaxing. Picnics are supposed to have food. And this does- for your animals." The blue pegasus crossed her hooves and stared at the sneering female rabbit who sat proudly on top of a horde of carrots. "and where is Pinkie anyway? She was supposed to be here like five minutes ago and she's rarely late."
Butterscotch shrugged. "Maybe she was held up by something. I mean she is still only a pony. Not some force of nature."
The petulant pegasus rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, you haven't seen when Pinkie goes without sleep for a week, she goes completely nuts. That was both the best and weirdest birthday party I ever had."
"Well give her time, she'll get here."
Dash leaned into her large spoon of a stallion. "We could totally fuck. I mean it's been a while since we did a nice outside boning. I mean come on there's like so many comfy clouds and I'm super fast at screwing." Dash tried and failed to sexily raise her eyebrow.
Butterscotch grimaced, memories of the last few times they had done that exact thing rushing through his mind. The successes and the near failures. "You forget that the last time almost had us tossed in jail for public indecency. Which was totally your fault."
Dash crossed her hooves. "How was I supposed to know that day was the "Meet the Weather Team Day" for Ponyville Elementary? Nopony told me about it, and it wasn't on my schedule."
Butterscotch stared down at Ponyville's Lead Weathermare and raised an eyebrow. "You forgot and in the midst of us having what you normally would call, "a good time", I wound up underneath your desk, while twenty kids were being lectured by you about the weather.
"Okay, so maybe I forgot that Cheerilee told me about it, and I forgot about it. Sue me, I'm terrible with dates anyway. Anyway, how do you think I felt? Somepony had just finished inside me. It was totally a bad time on my end too."
Butterscotch sighed. "Well can we slow down on the whole having sex thing every day? I don't think it's super great and all for- you know- I mean it's been a few months and I think it's getting really awkward."
Dash grimaced. "Yeah, it's just been hard is all. I mean I haven't had a drink in like six months, and I have no hobbies outside of flying and that and it's-"
"Hey, you two, how are you doing?"
Butterscotch and Dash looked up and stopped for a second as they realized there was something wrong. Two Pinkies, two very similar looking and sounding Pinkies stared back at the pair. Dash just carefully nodded and elbowed Butterscotch in the stomach to test if she hadn't been given something by Blossomforth as a joke.
"ugh, ow, I mean its super nice to. . .see you too, Pinkie. . .s. I mean I hadn't planned for multiple yous, but I can definitely figure something out.
"Cool, hey, Rainbow Trout, why are you fat?"
Dash's eye twitched, and if she wasn't pregnant, she'd be throwing hooves right about now. "I sure don't know why there's two of you, but I didn't ask." Twilight had asked her to stop calling every slight annoyance an 'emergency' but multiple Pinkies was probably a super emergency in Twilight's eyes.
***
Rarity sat there as Pinkie explained her totally foolproof plan, a shocked look on her face.
"-and so, I will be able to be anywhere for you girls or any part of Ponyville. . ."
Rarity put her hooves together and tried to diplomatically find the nicest answer she could. She had seen a lot of random, world changing artifacts just by being near Twilight's mad scientist routine of hers. That was to be expected- she was used to Twilight ruining one of her workdays with some rather crazy idea or item. Pinkie, on the other hoof, was a hooffull to deal with, sure, but she wasn't prone to causing mayhem. This Mirror Pool idea was dangerous, or at least the pink earth pony hadn't thought of the myriad issues of generating possible actual cloned life. "I don't want to come off as ungrateful, but Pinkie, dear, what in the name of Tartarus were you thinking?"
Pinkie looked taken aback for a moment, until she composed herself again. "I mean it's really hard to be with all you girls and the town, I was just thinking it might have been a little easier to have more of me."
Rarity sighed. "Yes, but what about where these clones will work or live or any number of things. Not to mention, what's to stop the clones from making more of themselves or how would the town take having like fifty of you? And what if they are alive and totally don't want to go back in the Pool?"
"Well. . .I, uh, haven't really thought of that."
***
The two Pinkies stared at the Mirror Pool, their faces reflected in the greenish-blue water and they smiled as they stared quickly at one another. They had come here soon after Butterscotch and Rainbow Dash had crept away to tell Twilight that there might have been a major issue. The Pinkies didn't know or care about that. They just had one mission: To spread as much joy as possible given by them by Pinkie Prime and a new secondary mission newly unlocked by Rainbow's own look.
A mission that the original Pinkie didn't want to express out loud completely.
They wanted to fuck. And the feeling spread through the two Pinkies, who had demurely looked at Dash over the whole picnic, a growing sense of something they themselves couldn't fully understand for they were only a few hours old. They didn't know how to deal with lust- they were a blank slate in that regard.
So, they decided to fix the issue the only way they knew how.
"Okay, Pinkie. Remember the plan. Make fifty Pinkies and I make fifty and we should be fine."
Pinkie Two raised a hoof. "Odd question. What's fifty?"
Pinkie One thought for a moment and realized that she didn't know what fifty was. Pinkie Prime hadn't told her what numbers were. "Uh, it sounds like a lot. So make a- what did Rainbow Trash say- a fuckton of us and we'll be fine. I mean there's not enough of us to go around. Did you see how many ponies were in Ponyville. That's a lot of ponies not having Pinkie parties.
The other Pinkie nodded. "Sounds like a great idea." The pair quickly hoofbumped and smiled at one another, and quietly repeated the spell that gave them life in the first place. Soon enough, the Pool started printing out copies of Pinkie, the ponies sliding out of the cool water. The Pinkies stared at one another and nodded. They had two missions. Bring joy to all of Ponyville, and find the unknown pony in the few memories that had been given by the original one and fuck the shit out of the stallion. Cause Pinkie found him hot enough to remember him. Whoever he was. They had a picture of him as a young colt, but it was so difficult to know who he was. The hazy memory of Pinkie's first crush was like a dark glass, opaque and hard to make out.
No matter, the Pinkie Squad would be okay. For they were the best party planners in all of Equestria. And they had Pinkie Sense. Whatever those meant.
***
Cheese Sandwich pulled his poncho around his shoulders as he shaded his eyes with his cowboy hat, scanning the area with a hoof over his eyes. He had rarely fulfilled his duties as Equestria's Premier Party Planner near the Canterlot area since he had decided that pony held the reins in partyology so well here. So, color him surprised when his Cheese Sense went off with a ringing in his ears. A real gouda sliding into blue cheese kind of feeling. A bad or, at least, an odd feeling. Like there were more party planners in Equestria for some reason. An impossible idea for sure since the school of hard knocks did not just give out Ph.Ds in party planning, preparation, and presentation of personalized professional parties for particular ponies.
"Boneless, we have a mystery on our hooves. I mean I have hooves and you have rubber chicken feet, but still. . .it's a mystery and while it doesn't fall directly into my department of expertise- I'm more of a surprise party kind of stallion than a murder mystery one- I'm interested." Boneless stared up at his partner, a scowl on his face. "No, Boneless, this isn't about Pinkie. And I told you that in confidence. This is just telling me that I shouldn't tell you anything again cause you blab all my secrets."
Cheese Sandwich and Boneless had a very one-sided argument as the pair walked into Ponyville.
Author's Note
Part One of Two
This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both of Us
"Hold her down, you two." Twilight grimaced as she tried to come up with the perfect spell to fix whatever idiocy Pinkie had done. She would have thought Dash, or even Applejack, might have messed with the Mirror Pool- not Pinkie. That was an idea that she hadn't expected since nopony had seen the Pool for so long that it was only written about in old books. And Pinkie hated being bored. A small part of Twilight thought that the mare was illiterate. A much more reasonable part of her thought that she was just a hyperactive mess.
"Get a move on, Twi, I don't want this clone of Pinkie to like turn into a murdering psycho or some evil blob monster." Dash grunted as she held the clone in a near headlock. Butterscotch was there too, just he was hiding in a nearby corner- he disliked confrontations, and this was a rather confusing and major one in his eyes.
"You've been watching too many movies, Dash, that's not going to happen, I mean the tomes don't say how to really fix the problem, or how to exactly tell who is who, but I'd have seen some mention of horrible situations like that if that happened. The ancients weren't complete morons when it came to magic." Twilight scanned a few more books and sighed. "This is going to suck so much."
Butterscotch piped up. "Is that a good or bad thing?"
The unicorn facehoofed as she tried to get her words. "I mean I'm working off old texts and with that, I can't trust the magic spells contained within. I mean a problem like this was last competently recorded around the time of the Pillars, so modern magic wasn't codified yet. . .let's see, I need a spell that tests magical constructs and a banishment spell on top of that to send failed Pinkies away, and then a spell that lets me cast it as much as possible cause the spell is too mana heavy if we have an infestation of clones. . ." Twilight hummed to herself as she thought of the possibilities.
"Speed it up, egghead. This is getting really weird." Dash squirmed cause the stupid clone was looking directly at certain places that Dash had designated as "Butterscotch only" zones of fun.
Pinkie Three, for her part just sat there, slightly amused at the wrestling that the colored one was doing.
Twilight huffed as she tried to combine the spells in her head, seeing all the possible spell matrices fall together into a slightly workable spell. "Fine, fine, one second." She breathed out and stared at the facsimile of her friend, if that was to be believed. If she had planned out the spell correctly, it would just send away the clone and not hurt Pinkie if it was the original one. Simple and clean. "Dash, hold her down."
Dash and Pinkie nodded. Pinkie had been sitting there completely still since she had no idea what was going on.
Twilight let the spell loose and aimed it at the clone, quickly zapping her with a purple glow.
Pinkie did not like that, cause it felt like there was now something she couldn't figure out deep in her core, like butterflies trying desperately to get out. "Oh, that's new. I don't know Twiggy, I don't feel-"
Pinkie popped like a balloon, the spell that had created her critically failing as it fought against the new threat of Twilight's spell. The water that had made her exploded outwards, violently covered the other three ponies in Twilight's lab, soaking them in what had once been a version of their friend. The three of them slowly blinked as a large puddle pooled on the floor.
Dash was the first to speak up. "Twilight, what the absolute fuck was that?"
Twilight breathed in and out carefully, her stress of seeing Pinkie, even if it wasn't technically the real Pinkie, explode making her get rather uncomfortably close to hyperventilating since she had expected the spell to nicely send the clone away, not have a puddle of them drip into her floorboards. "I. . .that wasn't supposed to happen, I mean I ran the idea in my head and. . .it was supposed to be easy, not that."
Butterscotch stood there, water slowly dripping off his mane, wondering if he should offer a towel or not.
***
Cheese Sandwich scanned Ponyville and realized that there was a definite abundance of pink ponies that looked way too similar. Not that he technically minded, since he did like the color pink and said pony pretty much gave him his cutie mark when she showed how to celebrate parties- but everywhere he looked there was a pink, plushy pony with a prodigious posterior climbing over everything and it almost cheapened the whole thing. He sighed and tried to come up with a joke or something to lighten the mood, but Boneless just stared up at him in disapproval. "Okay, okay, not the time." He walked through the sea of pink, looking for a certain one that recognized him at least a little.
He wasn't Equestria's second best party planner for nothing. He could feel that the frantic ponies around him weren't the real Pinkie just by feeling how they moved around- they just felt off and too fake for him to truly see the small hint of Pinkie that had made him admire her all those years ago.
He carefully sat and watched Ponyville devolve into a confused mess, with ponies staring at the mass of Pinkies and the Pinkie army staring at each and every stallion that they came across. Interesting, but he would table that for later. "If I was Pinkie right now, how would I be feeling?" He tried to get in her hooves, the idea of there being a ton of you and Ponyville probably crawling with slightly too many Pinkies, the possible worry of things turning out for the worse. He scanned for the least happy Pinkie and quickly found her since the rest of them were swearing up a storm or almost being too creepy about parties to really be useful.
He slid up ever so cautiously to this Pinkie, her mane decidedly not poofy and bright. Long strands of her mane hung limply down her face, and she looked discolored with how sad and mopey she was. "Ding dong, one party pony for somepony who needs it." He tried to be somewhat happy for Pinkie, the, highly likely, real one and he sat down next to her carefully.
"Go away."
Cheese smiled ever so slightly. He had been trying to talk to the gaggle of Pinkies for a while, but most of them just looked at him oddly, or asked him some crude questions about certain things, or even barged right towards him talking basic nonsense about parties. This was the first one to want him to leave them alone. Which told him all he needed to know. "Well, that's not a way to welcome somepony to Ponyville. Rather nice town to come back to- even if there's way too many of you right at this moment, Pinkie."
Pinkie leaned up and stared blankly at the stallion. She had a sense that they had met before, but time had smoothed her memory of when. "You look familiar, but it can't be."
Cheese carefully pulled out his best, and only, assistant and waved him around. 'Sorry about my partner here, he's rather hard to like, my name's Boneless the smartest rubber chicken ever and my rather clueless partner is Cheese Sandwich, the best party pony in all of Equestria, or maybe second best, he keeps changing that distinction."
Pinkie giggled for a moment and then went back to sighing and moping. This was advanced sadness, Cheese mused, usually the old ventriloquism trick brought a smile to most faces. Though he really did only pull that one out for foal parties so maybe the sample size was slightly skewed.
"I really messed up." Pinkie sat there looking out at the town. As she did so, Cheese kept noticing that the clones were congregating around certain stallions that looked rather confused. Understandable, he wouldn't know what to do if he was confronted by fifty hot mares.
"I'm here to listen. I mean what with all these other yous walking about and how that wasn't a thing the last time I was here, I'm rather lost."
Pinkie glanced at him and crossed her hooves. "It's a long story."
Cheese stared out at the Pinkie clones who were currently harassing a lanky stallion who just nervously backed into the nearby bakery, quickly flipping the open sign to closed and locking the door behind him. "Well, I have time. And they keep looking at me oddly, so I might need some context on that."
Pinkie's cheeks turned red. "I don't know why that might be. Probably a weird cloning thing. But uh, I guess I could tell you the really quick version of events."
Cheese Sandwich stared at Pinkie as she finished her story. He knew it had to be some kind of magical nonsense going on because it wasn't every day his view was full of Pinkies, not that he particularly minded- just it was a lot to take in. He carefully crossed his hooves and tried to come up with the most tactful way to show how surprised he was.
Pinkie tapped her hooves nervously as she looked at Cheese's face. He looked mad, she thought, though it was hard to read somepony you met like once years ago. But hopefully he wasn't too mad. She had been trying desperately to come up with a plan for like an hour on how to fix this and every time she came up with one, it got more stupid and worse than the last plan. "You're mad, aren't you?"
Cheese blinked. "Not really. I mean I probably should be kind of mad, I guess, though I don't live here and so this problem really isn't that bad. You should have seen me in Appleloosa though if you wanted to see me mad. I mean I walked into a buffalo herd since the townsponies told me that they loved pie, and the next thing I know I'm tied up and getting interrogated by a female buffalo. Turns out it was a surprise party for her and like her coltfriend had completely told me the wrong way to greet them. Something about a-" Cheese blinked again as the story clicked. "What in the world did you do in Appleloosa cause the way they talk about you; you almost destroyed a town."
Pinkie sighed. "Guess it's a force of habit."
Cheese shrugged. "I mean it's impressive. But back on topic, I'm not mad, no. I'm just trying to come up with something that might solve the issue of-" Cheese waved his hooves around at the Pinkie clones who were now trying to climb over Sugarcube Corner in an act breaking into the bakery. "-that and other things. I mean we have to come up with something, right? It's not a party, per se, but having two creative ponies to fix this issue is better than one. A new pair of eyes if you will."
Pinkie smiled, feeling a small bit of color and volume come back into her as he spoke, it was nice to hear somepony actually want to help her. "What do you want to do?"
Cheese carefully thought. "So, who's the smartest one here."
***
"Pinkie, y'all okay?" Applejack looked carefully at Pinkie who had been acting a mite bit off the last few hours- she had slowly gotten less Pinkie and far more normal recently, but the mare kept doing a weird twitch whenever she looked at Ponyville. "I'm just asking cause you are acting more worked up than a cat in a bag."
Pinkie nodded, careful to not try and mess up the fifty random apple related names that she couldn't place- she was just one clone in a world where naming ponies for food dishes was normal. "I'm fine. . .Apple. . .jack." She had been running through the names of these particular ponies well over an hour since she really didn't know how to build a barn, or why they had decided to even need her here. Maybe the original one of her just misunderstood something but she had just been snacking on pies for most of the day and not performing necessary party activities since most were just building junk. Which was boring. But not completely a waste. "I just keep thinking I'm not being really helpful."
Applejack draped a hoof over the pink pony and shrugged. "I mean you did almost break a few boards and didn't know how a hammer worked, but you have been keeping Applebloom out of trouble for the most part, which is a whole job in and of itself, so I think you are doing fine."
The clone breathed a sigh of relief. She had felt one of her sisters, as these ponies would term that, go away suddenly and she didn't understand how that was possible, but she could definitely understand why the rest of her 'sisters' had become rather agitated. She had been trying to keep these ponies safe from anything currently happening in town, which was super duper difficult. They all kept wanting to do other things or leave. Which would break this okay dance of her acting normal and nopony being the wiser. Pinkie Four had run the different ways this could fall apart and number one on the list was having fifty of her appear out of nowhere and annoy all these Apples. "I mean its stressful." Four tried to cobble together a story on the fly. "I mean I've tried to be all over town today and its tiring."
Applejack looked up at the clouds and leaned back on a hay bale. "I mean you could have done a thing a day and not be all confused about what to do. Something simple like that. Though I'm not really all that great about slowing down and not working all that much myself."
Four sighed. That sounded right. Taking time. . . She would have finished that thought if there wasn't a commotion nearby. She could hear bits and pieces of some pony she didn't recognize- though the Apples sure did, and she knew right then and there that her time with them was probably up. They were staring at her with an air of surprise and near confusion as this pony regaled them with what was happening in Ponyville. Four grimaced and got up. "Sorry, Applejack, I, uh, have some other place to be. Good talk."
She quickly scampered off so as to not be cornered and forced to explain an impossible situation.
***
"Pinkie, the door is locked and nopony seems to be home." Cheese rolled his eyes slightly since Pinkie had been knocking on this Golden Oaks Library's door for like five straight minutes. "We could ask somepony else for help."
Pinkie shushed him, with a quick hoof to cover his mouth. "I know she's in there. I can feel it. Pinkie Sense tells me when she's not in Ponyville, or when she's sad, or happy, you know like a. . .what did Dash call it once? A barometer. That sounds correct. Well she's in there and knowing how persistent and, honestly after seeing all my clones, probably slightly annoying I am, she's on the cusp of either opening the door or blasting me to the moon."
"That sounds like a terrible time. Let's just-"
Pinkie huffed and crossed her hooves. "No, I am going to fix my mess if it kills me. Figuratively, I mean. And this is an emergency and Twilight hates when the town has issues so she would normally be losing her mind over this, so the next best thing is going to happen."
"Which is?"
Pinkie grinned as she gripped tightly onto Cheese's face and stared into his eyes. Which he might find sensual or hot if she wasn't pressing really hard on his face. He cringed as he felt the pressure get to him slightly. "We break into her house."
The orange stallion pulled away to breathe and looked at his, he guessed, partner in literal crime. "No. That's a terrible idea."
Pinkie sighed. "I mean it's not like actually breaking in. Twilight likes keeping her windows open a lot, which is weird cause I don't think she's dating a pegasus and Twilight can teleport anywhere. And anyway, I only use that secondary entry as an emergency entrance and I think having fifty clones of me wreaking havoc on the town is a good reason."
Cheese facehoofed, dreading how he'd get up like two stories since he wasn't a pole vaulter or could fly. "Okay so how are we getting in."
Pinkie grabbed him by the shoulder and smiled. "Easy, I get to climb on you and then I do some easy climbing and ta da, we are in."
Cheese felt faint as Pinkie dragged him to the bottom of the balcony, both for how fast she could run, and him realizing the particular predicament of where exactly she would be standing. On top of him.
Cheese let the next few minutes pass by in pure agony as Pinkie detailed exactly where he should be. "Are we ready?"
Pinkie grinned and shot him a look that told him all he needed to know. "Ready."
Cheese stood with as wide of a stance as he could, careful to keep his eyes plastered shut since he definitely didn't want to get a view of Pinkie's undercarriage or anything of the sort, not at all. He felt a hoof on his back and one moment later, Pinkie had to have jumped since he felt the hoof lift off of him rather daintily for how heavy he feared her to be. Not that she was fat, just he wasn't the type to actively seek out ponies to climb all over him. He cracked his eyes open to check and he saw Pinkie climb up the tree, and he got an eyeful of the thing he definitely didn't want to see.
His own member told him otherwise. Cheese grumbled and muttered to himself as he waited for Pinkie to do something since he wasn't going to get up to this Twilight's room without some kind of help.
"Watch out below."
Cheese carefully stepped away as fast as he could as a pile of sheets fell down from above. He looked up at Pinkie's grinning mug, her body leaning out the window and he facehoofed. "If Twilight doesn't kill us for breaking in, using her sheets as a rope has to be a new low."
Pinkie shook her head. "It's not the weirdest thing I've done. This is kind of tame in comparison."
***
"We've looked everywhere and this Twilight isn't here." Cheese picked up a nearby book and rifled through it, unsure of what to actually do. He for sure wasn't going to go barging into bathrooms and basements unless Pinkie was the one doing the charging. He hadn't met this mare, so he was trying to be a respectable guest- minus the breaking and entering and touching random items. He just wasn't great in situations like this. Though he doubted that most people would be great at compartmentalizing literal crimes.
Pinkie groaned. "She's here. And we've checked the normal spots for Twilight. I wouldn't expect Twilight to be in her basement lab at this time of day. I mean she's a bit of a shut in, but still." Pinkie walked confidently towards the basement stairs and gripped the knob tightly and pulled. And walked into a locked door. The pink mare rubbed her snout and winced. "Okay, that door's not usually locked. Huh, I don't usually need to do this but. . .give me a second."
Cheese nervously cantered around the room totally ready for Pinkie to pull out an axe or something.
"Let's see, get some pins and usually doors aren't that hard to unlock." Pinkie reached into her mane and fished around until she pulled out a hairpin. Pinkie fiddled with the door and leaned into the door to hear if the door's lock clicked. With a light shove and a minute of effort, the door sat open, ready for the two earth ponies to go and enter the basement.
Cheese stared at the party pony that stood before him and let the question right out into the open. "So you can lockpick doors now? That doesn't seem like a party critical thing."
Pinkie winked. "Well, I had a few parties that turned a bit weird. And ponies love weird party tricks. Do something without magic and just skill and practice and most ponies lose their minds. Helped when Twilight had to break into those Canterlot Archives that one time to turn back time. And unlocking locks that the Twins like setting up. You have no idea how little fillies and colts can be with locking them inside rooms."
"Wait you broke into. . ." Cheese breathed out and let that go. He was decidedly focused on the mission, mainly because he didn't want to get arrested. "Whatever. Can ask that later."
"Twilight, your door was locked, and then this door was locked. Sorry, but things have gotten weird and now I feel kind of bad about messing up the whole 'clone yourself' thing. Really didn't think that one through." Pinkie bounced through the lab, hints of something that had gone on here making it clear as they went through. Mostly because of the weird wet spots that littered the floor, or how wet some of Twilight's things were. And if there was one thing Twilight wasn't- she wasn't messy.
"I think we should go." Cheese looked at the collection of beakers, fluids, and other science materials that were unknown to him and felt a shiver run down his spine. Not that he was scared, no. Just that he really didn't want to meet Twilight or even really mess with a pony that could probably poison him after the whole short escapade they had done to get here.
A rustling came from the back of the room, followed by a whimper.
Cheese now felt his heart start racing as his mind made the sounds far worse than they were.
Pinkie bounced through the room, totally unfazed at the weird flickering light that swung back and forth giving certain corners of the room an unnerving back and forth dance between light and shadow. "Now that's Twilight. Let's just. . ." Pinkie stopped, had a full body quiver and quickly pulled Cheese down to the floor as bolts of magic bounced around the room.
Twilight came out from the shadows, and Cheese grimaced as he noticed that the unicorn looked terrible, her eyes were red and bleary, and her mane and coat looked unkempt. He could let that go, barely, but the mare also had a weird tic of her eye twitching as she looked at the two earth ponies. Great, he mused, she was full blown crazy. \
"Another Pinkie?" Twilight's voice cracked as she tried to figure out what to do. "I can't do it, not again, I mean the water is still all over and I just had Dash and Butterscotch leave and it's all too much."
"So, Twilight, how do we deal with all of the other me's." Pinkie didn't really read the room as she was prodding at random bottles and reading all the odd notes scattered along the walls.
Twilight sat down on the floor and rocked back and forth, muttering to herself as she tried to stay as calm as possible. "You popped like a balloon. I mean I'm glad it was water and not blood, but still, it was horrible. It got everywhere and I can just imagine what it would look like if it was all solid matter. If I did that more than once, would I be a murderer? Or do clones have a sense of self or not. I mean they are just magical constructs, but-"
Cheese walked up and put a hoof on Pinkie's shoulder, trying to make the largest and most obvious hint that this was a lost cause. He turned back and loudly spoke to nopony really as he tried to push his way up the stairs. "Nice to meet you, I mean it's been memorable, in a way. But, uh, we really should be doing something, anything else."
Cheese grabbed Pinkie by the hoof and lead her upstairs. Gripping onto the doorknob and listening to the purple unicorn's near ranting about the ethics of clones, he walked into the first floor. Which was completely normal, except for the fact that he ran face first into another Pinkie's chest.
The marshmallow plush of yet another Pinkie threw him off, and he landed on the floor. What came next made him just confused.
"Hey, so this is weird, but I want you to deal with my sisters. I mean the idea of there being more that one of us is nice and all, but I was really liking being near the Apples and seems like my sisters are all a bunch of idiots."
Cheese could only nod as a part of his mind realized that there were now two of them. Two slightly rational Pinkies that wanted to fix this mess. Yet again there was another part of him that had certain images of there being two Pinkies and all the fun that could bring. He carefully locked that image away.
***
"-and so, we're stumped. I mean the best unicorn in Ponyville is a hot mess and now you want to help us." Cheese sat down on the library's comfiest chair and crossed his hooves.He wasn't mad, just annoyed that the one day that he thought his Cheese Senses were doing great, he had to try and fix whatever this was. Usually when he followed his Sense, it was for a child's birthday party issue, not "there's fifty hot clones of a mare you liked that one time as a colt and now there's her clone asking for help. He would be normally putting all this frustration, or inspiration, whatever it was into a song and right now he was just too tired to come up with decent rhymes.
"So, ask another unicorn. I mean totally simple solution there. And that's coming from somepony who really doesn't like her all that much." Four simmered as she stared at the basement door. She had felt her "sister" pop and die, so having the pony that had caused that issue this close to her was infuriating. "Pinkie said there was this Rarity. Unicorn right there. And just do some spell or something to get the attention of all of the rest of me. Which is simple cause every one of them is looking for this stallion right here."
Pinkie blushed.
Cheese Sandwich stared at the two pink mares. "Run that by me again?"
Four facehoofed. She was completely confused why the Original Pinkie even liked this Cheese Sandwich. He was fine, if nothing special, and personally, he wasn't all that hot to her. Maybe it was an emotion thing. Applejack had this whole family of ponies that she had called out to by name and knew everything about each one- she had a connection with them. This was the first time she had met this stallion and he was kind of oblivious. "Something about how Pinkie thought you were kind of fun to be around and maybe wanted something more. Now they are harassing the town because their memories are all jumbled."
"Wait, so Pinkie likes me? Liked me, whatever." Cheese stared at Pinkie who was blushing heavily, which was noticeable under her pink coat.
"I was new to Ponyville and you were kind of the one pony who got into the party spirit and didn't think I was crazy. Don't ask me why these clones want more than that. And I had only thought of you like that once."
Four rolled her eyes. These ponies were just so difficult to deal with. "Because of this 'Rainbow Dash' which yet again is probably going to be on my list of ponies I will enjoy talking to. For reasons."
"So, what do we do? I mean we can't just give the other clones what they want." Cheese nervously looked at the two similar mares and realized that, yes, that was totally an option. The glints of a plan coming together sparkled in their eyes. "Oh Celestia. What now?"
***
Applejack grimaced as the two Pinkies bounced the idea off of her. She had a headache knowing that the ranting mess that Caramel had been spewing had been right and there were way too many Pinkie Pies walking around and making messes. Knowing that she had spent most of the day with one of them, while not terrible, was a bit weird. "So, you want to use my barn for one of them weird Canterlot orgies?"
Rarity rolled her eyes. She had been told of the situation on the way here. Not that she was surprised that Pinkie's wonderful plan had turned into a big mess. Though she didn't have to say "I told you so" to get her point across. She had been practicing the few spells that Pinkie and the clone had come up with and improvising others that worked rather well. She was nowhere near as good as Twilight when it came to magic, but she had a different bend to problems. Less brute force, more creativity. "Canterlot orgies aren't a thing, AJ. Doesn't mean that Canterlot doesn't have those, just that they aren't exclusive to Canterlot."
Applejack rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm going to have to clean the mess of this anyway so sorry that I'm real hesitant to let you all be screwing like jackrabbits in the barn we just put up. Like the paint ain't even completely dry."
Pinkie nodded. "I know that and sorry for the last moment thing but Twilight's kind of indisposed. So, you two were the next best thing."
Applejack grumbled. "Knowing her, she would have done this similarly. Like I know my family barn is big and all but still."
The white unicorn laughed. "Well, it wasn't like I was going to get new orders of dresses until this got fixed. And you'd be surprised how many elites love a good magic gone wrong story, so it's a win in my book."
Four walked up and nodded at the gathered ponies. "Just sent out the call. So they are going to be here soon."
Pinkie looked at Cheese and blushed since she knew this next part was going to be really awkward. She had tried to come up with a plan that didn't involve hijinks and physics breaking, but she was already this far and there were fifty of her that needed to be dealt with. It wasn't possible for a normal one of those to last that long. "Okay, so, uh, Cheese are you ready for the next part? I'll be quick about it. Just need a moment is all."
Cheese Sandwich, who hadn't been told much at all about the idea got the hint. "I mean sure. Is there like a secluded place here for that?"
Applejack just pointed to the barn.
***
Cheese and Pinkie stared at each other.
"So, I just have to blow into your- you know- that."
The stallion stared back, slightly confused. "-why?" He didn't know why himself and while he would probably really enjoy Pinkie doing anything down there, they had a mission to do. He thought the whole "bed Pinkie" might be a later thing, not going into a barn and working things out.
"Inflatable genetalia. I think that's the right word. Twilight used that word once and told me vaguely what it meant. I think she thought I didn't do anything like that so, uh, I kind of need to blow into your. . .penis to make it bigger. . .and all that."
Cheese stared at the heavily blushing pony that stood before him and all he could think about was that this was really silly. Like he hadn't heard of just blowing up a dick, sure there were probably like sixty-nine ways to do a sex spell, cause everypony got really horny once in a while with heat and all, but just blowing into a dick? She had to be pulling his leg. Though he technically didn't lose out anything in letting her do it. "Okay, so while I might regret this, sure. Let's blow up my dick."
Pinkie walked close to Cheese and lowered herself down and looked at his member, not too big, not too small. Would probably be just right for most ponies, but she was stretchy and if she was stretchy, then her clones would be too. And they wanted a 'fun time' whatever that meant. And she could go for a rather long time due to her boundless energy so adding a slight advantage to Cheese's one and only tool might help. She didn't know herself what fun was right now. She was too worried about a whole lot of things. And one of those things was that she was way closer than she expected to be with Cheese. She had had dreams like this, the act of it running circles through her head, but this was the real thing. She took a deep breath, put her mouth around his nice package and blew directly into it.
Cheese squirmed, unsure if this farce was actually going to work. And then the feeling of air inflating his anatomy hit him. It felt odd, to be sure, but the pressure of the air forcing itself into his bait and tackle like a flesh balloon was the most focused pleasure he had felt in a while. Like ever, maybe. He bucked his hips a bit at the feeling, letting new inches stretch carefully down Pinkie's maw as his balls took a greater spot between his legs, slowly widening his stance slightly as she kept blowing a full lungful of air into it.
And he felt the edge of an orgasm right before she stopped, the sensation of near release slightly uncomfortable. Pinkie pulled his dick out of her mouth, inches upon inches that didn't exist a few minutes ago now exposed to air. Cheese felt ridiculous as his package wobbled around as he moved. He had joked that it would probably be like a flesh balloon, but here it was a two foot and some change black pillar that wobbled and jiggled like it was a comedy sketch. "Will this like explode or something? I mean it's cool and all that this is happening, but balloons pop and I don't want to lose a part of me that I'm kind of attached to as a stallion."
Pinkie shrugged. "It shouldn't. I mean I've not really done this before."
"So how did you do it?"
Pinkie sighed. "Trade secret."
A knock at the barn door surprised the duo. Applejack's low drawl came from the other side. "They're here."
Pinkie rolled her eyes and hummed to herself for a moment. "Oh yeah, I think I might want to do some more of this later, if you would like? I mean maybe not today, but soon."
Cheese just nodded.
***
The mass of Pinkie clones stared up at Cheese expectantly. They had filed into the barn like lost sheep, looking around at the large area, lost in what exactly what they were doing here of all places. Four had told them about the one and only pony that they had been searching for- besides a few rather loud clones, they had come willingly and easily towards the barn.
They looked up expectantly at their original, Four, and Cheese ready to get whatever this is over and done with so they could go back to celebrating parties and baking and doing pranks. Simple Pinkie things that they had been told what Pinkies do. Pinkies One and Two, the creators of the waves of worse clones, sat in front, their hooves crossed as they waited for something to happen. They- and all the rest of the clones- hated boredom.
Pinkie herself spoke up first. "Uh, thanks for coming you all. I know its last minute and you were probably off doing what you felt like, but look here." Pinkie pointed at Cheese who sheepishly waved back. "It's the pony all of you were looking for."
One rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but I saw him and he didn't look like the pony you wanted. Too old. And anyway he's not all that impressive. Earth ponies need to be big and strong to get me interested."
Two looked at her and scoffed. "Unicorns are better. I mean have you seen the pranks and fun they can get down to with magic? Nothing could compare."
A voice from another clone piped up in the back. "Aren't we all earth ponies? But still, pegasi can fly fast and stuff. And I'd like wings."
"Yeah well, shut the fuck up. I made you so you should listen to me, and I say unicorns are better."
The gaggle of Pinkies devolved into a loud and raucous squabble,
Pinkie facehoofed. She knew this wasn't going to be easy, but she would have expected something a little easier and quieter than having clones of herself argue amongst each other. "Okay, Plan B. Cheese, this will be really awkward but I'm using the Appleloosan distraction plan."
Cheese's face drained of color. He had heard of the mess that Pinkie caused in Appleloosa firsthoof. "No, I am not a good dancer and with this. . ." he quickly gestured to his inflated junk. "I'd probably be even worse."
"It's our only hope, cause Rarity isn't completely done with the mass of sex spells that would make our job easier. Just wobble around and they'd probably get some ideas of their own. And I am only saying this cause I definitely want to do stuff later so they'd probably feel the same."
Cheese grimaced and walked to the front of the hastily built stage. "Uh, can I have a moment?"
Alll the clones stopped for a moment and stared blankly at the stallion up on stage. Their bickering, while loud and obnoxious, faded away quickly because they couldn't focus much on things that truly mattered.
Cheese blushed furiously as he stood up on his hooves and closed his eyes to not completely die of sheer embarrassment as he slowly rocked back and forth, his junk acting like a metronome to his uncoordinated and awkward dance.
Pinkie blushed as she watched, quickly counting down the moments until Rarity was done. She pulled out a watch and pulled her one manageable and smart clone aside as the time wound down. They looked at one another as the watch hit zero and took a synchronized deep breath as Rarity's spell went off and a loud clank came from the front of the barn- which was Applejack locking them in the barn until all this mess was done and over with. Pinkie and Four hid behind the stage, careful not to stare one moment at the mayhem that the myriad of spells would produce.
A hazy mist of pink floanted down to the ground. concentrated love spells that Rarity had seen firsthoof, mixed with a spell that Twilight would have found slightly distasteful. A Want It Need It Spell aimed directly at Cheese's crotch.
Cheese counted to ten and waited for the pink tsunami to cover him.
***
Cheese Sandwich opened his eyes and all he could see was Tartarus of pink flesh. He could barely tell what was going on since every pony clamoring for his junk looked the exact same- plush softness hiding a powerful muscle tone if the crazed slamming of his dick between pink walls of inner flesh gave him any indication. Some of the clones were experts with their bodies just rolling into his, pistoning their hips in such a way that almost brought him to climax until they backed off and slowed down. It was maddening since there were so many Pinkies that he could barely tell what was going on. It was a mass of limbs and flesh, twisting and turning over him. He could feel certain clones fight over him like a piece of meat. Which he would normally find somewhat hot, if just a little, except there was thousands of pounds in this sea of pink butts and cotton manes. It was like his nightmares and dreams met and shook hooves on how sexy things were.
He looked up into the eyes of the clone furiously spearing herself on his inflated dong and he wondered if Pinkie's own face looked like that when they might be making love. An odd thought since he was doing that, but clones and the real thing might act slightly different. He let that thought linger as he watched the clone writhe in pleasure, her eyes slowly rolling back in her head, a wordless scream right on her lips, her mane unkempt and he was in heaven.
Which wouldn't last long with the clones assaulting his senses. As he felt the clones massage his dick, the weird feeling them them trying to milk it for all it was worth and the care their hooves had for it, a smell of two things filled the air- pure lust and the scent of baking cookies.
He felt his body contract as the first wave of the heightened orgasm hit. It was a feeling that was familiar. Tightness followed by sweet release. A feeling that usually felt amazing and it would normally be that except for one thing.
As he orgasmed, he stared right into the eyes of the clone he was primally rutting, the aphrodisiac and spell mixing into a haze of lust that gave him and all the clones a one-track mind.
One moment he was staring into the eyes of that clone, thinking that it was Pinkie herself, wishing that it was, and the next moment he was covered in a fine mist of confetti. He blinked, feeling the shiny paper spill all over him. He shivered for a moment as he realized that it wasn't some hazy hallucination. He didn't have time to ponder the odd happening as a new clone crawled on him and positioned herself above his member and impaled herself on it.
It was a marshmallow torture machine. And he was loving nearly every moment.
***
Two whole hours later, Cheese couldn't feel his legs. The weight of so many and so frequent Pinkie Pie poundings had caused his groin to feel like a pulverized piece of meat. He looked up at the last one of the remaining clones, her eyes an insane mask of desire and he felt nothing as he watched, yet again, as his now raw orgasm caused her to turn into confetti. He was horrified the first few times, worried the next few, and now he felt almost nothing. He was surrounded by a mass of confetti, a foot deep, and he just felt numb.
He sat there looking up at the first Pinkielesss view of the ceiling, no thick, luscious pink butts. No slightly pudgy tummies. No cute faces that drove him wild. Just a ceiling and nothing else. The beams of new wood welcomed him like an old friend he hadn't seen in years.
He tried to roll over or even get up, but his legs were useless. He looked around to see anything that could help him and found nothing at the moment. But as he swiveled his neck around, partially to get feeling back in his limbs, he noticed another odd thing. Though with how the day had gone and all the weird things like seeing clones turn into confetti, he wasn't too surprised about weird magical nonsense.
A large sphere of cum floated in the middle of the barn.
He watched it float lazily in the air and he almost laughed at how stupid it was. How stupid all of this was. He couldn't laugh as his throat was dry after the rough tumble in the hay he had just completed.
"Okay, what the fuck is that?"
Cheese guessed that was Pinkie's one remaining clone. He had never truly heard the mare herself swear.
He turned his head to watch the duo stare at the scene of mayhem, confetti strewn everywhere. It was a complete mess. He watched the two of them wade through the barn, stepping over the confetti pile and staring both down at him and at the weird floating magic ball of cum.
"Is that normal? I don't think that's normal." Four crossed her hooves and stared at the milky white condensed ball. She would be angrier or more shocked at it, but she had just heard her other sisters all turn into scraps of paper. She had a lot to process and deal with.
Pinkie shrugged and stepped closer to the ball. "I mean it's kind of neat. Twilight would love to research this-" she gingerly touched it with a hoof and it felt warm and inviting to her. Like it was sort of alive in a weird magic way. She didn't know how to explain it, though she didn't know how to exactly explain her Pinkie Sense, like it just worked, and, like that, this remainder of the clones felt active and alive.
"This is going to be really dumb."
She poked it once more and the ball contracted and slithered down her body, leaving a faint trail of wetness,
"What the fuck are you-" Four stammered out.
Pinkie grinned as the cum entered her. She had caused a lot of the issues of the last day because she felt like she wasn't enough to be in multiple places at once. And that was a silly idea, she was just one pony and all that. She lost some uniqueness points when there was fifty of her. And she was slightly annoying in large doses, she had to admit. But the reason, this all went topsy turvy was because she was jealous of one thing. She wanted to have kids. The feeling of having a huge family, of being surrounded by love and affection, of feeling truly needed. Her body shook as the feeling of every single clone's orgasm hit her senses like a concentrated Pinkie Sense bomb of emotions washed over her. She felt full and stuffed as the ball of concentrated desire worked its magic, she felt hot and bothered and she felt weak in the knees as she came hard, her own secret want of being a mother matching her own clones' loud and extreme wants.
She sat down, feeling a major twitchy twitch that ran up and down her body- the same one she had felt the last time one of her friends got pregnant. Twilight had probably warned her about weird magic sex a while ago. And probably she was being really silly, but it was her own decision. And with how Cheese had been stealing glances at her the last few hours, she thought he'd be ecstatic. She carefully put her hoof in Cheese's own and smiled. "So, about that whole relationship thing. . ."
Cheese just nodded.
Pinkie leaned into Cheese and kissed him on the mouth, letting the kiss linger for what felt like minutes, but was only a brief and quick moment of desire between the two. She laid her head in his chest and leaned into him, smelling the tangy smell of him as she hummed lightly to herself.
A quick and sharp clearing of the throat broke the two lovebirds out of their reverie.
The pair of ponies looked up at the disapproving clone, who stood there with her hooves on her hips. "You two are a bunch of idiots. Well if you two are indisposed and being weird, I'm going to tell the other two that we fixed the problem." Four walked off grumbling to herself. "I mean seriously time and a place for that. I'm not going to look at confetti the same way and now I know dicks would kill me. Fantastic."
***
"-and that's how I learned that maybe one of me is totally enough and blah, blah, blah. Signed Pinkie Pie. P.S. Cheese says hi, and my clone says she wants to move as far away from Ponyville as possible. Sad but I think I would too after all this. Maybe you know some good places for clone Pinkies that don't feel like partying."
Celestia scanned the letter from Pinkie and smiled ever so briefly. She did like Twilight's focused letters in that simple, yet effective, problem-solution descriptive way her student had. Like each letter was a report on friendship. But there was always a part of her that secretly liked the letters from her friends with how completely fun and unexpected they were. Each one of those letters exuded charm that Twilight's rote and perfunctory letters sorely lacked at times. Even Applejack's particular one where she said she "didn't learn anything." That was a particular treat. Sometimes she needed a laugh like that every once in a while.
The alicorn snickered to herself as she read further into the letter. Twilight had complained so much in her report about Rainbow Dash and Butterscotch getting together, that sometimes natural way friends drifted closer and closer. She wondered how Twilight would explain away this odd escapade of Pinkie's. She set a mental note to visit Ponyville soon, partially because she loved that bakery's desserts, and secondly, a party with Pinkie and Cheese sounded like a nice way to unwind. And while she hadn't planned on being a matchmaker for the Bearers of Harmony, her decision to force Twilight to make friends did have some upsides at times. She noted that she would probably have to bring a gift for the pair of ponies, though she didn't know exactly what. She was bad at gift giving- a thousand years of ever-changing tastes did that to an immortal. She knew that giving swords to foals was a gift giving faux pas ever since she tried that one when Blueblood was born.
"Interesting letter you have there, Celly. Very chaotic mess they had down in Ponyville. I should go give thanks to Pinkie and this Cheese, it's not every day you get to walk around and feel more than a tinge of chaos in the air. It was positively palpable and rather syrupy sweet taste of undiluted chaos magic. Your student seems to fix any chance of that a little too well." Discord popped into Celestia's room with a pink fluffy bathrobe, strode to the bed with purpose and, with a snap of his claws, quickly disrobed and tightly coiled around the large mare.
Celestia smiled. "Good to see you too, Discord. But a part of this mess has to go to you, the Mirror Pool is chaos magic after all. And I thought I had told you to at least hide that away from ponies."
Discord waved a clawed hand and shrugged. "Oh that? That was created when I was just learning what chaos magic could do. Very simple thing that. Still, I wish I could see Twilight try to fix the problem. I made it very hard to tamper with cause I was in my 'cause as much chaos as possible' phase. Turned out that was rather boring. Though I did enjoy messing with ponies that stumbled into it, they often had a few surprises months later." Discord rubbed the flank of the one pony he definitely cared ever so slightly about. "I may be the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, but I have to say that magic spells that bring life into the world are the truest sense of chaos. And have you seen dear sweet Pinkie Pie? She exudes chaos magic in every sense of her being. So of course, she found it. I mean she has a sense for chaos like bloodhounds do for sniffing out trouble."
"True, but still unregulated chaos mishaps are such a pain to fix." Celestia remembered the last time one of Discord's pranks messed up her day. He had ruined her diet when he made diet food unhealthy. Which had completely ruined her figure for months afterward, though he didn't seem to mind- her ponies thought she had been bewitched and started burning things in the streets. "Confetti was a nice touch though, I do admit, and I missed you too, Discord." Celestia rolled her eyes playfully as she looked at the serpent like creature that took up half of her royal sized bed. Celestia knew what the creature was saying in between his words. They had spent so much time together that she could feel his intent just by body language alone. Twilight had years, centuries even, to learn the ins and outs of friendship, because, even now, Celestia herself learned new things. Celestia floated the letter to her nightstand and turned her head towards Discord, planting a kiss on his twisted visage that she so loved. Being the princess that held the most duties was rather stifling, so having an outlet was ever so freeing.
"Spark of genius that, cover a pony with enough of something they like and the cost of messing with the natural order gets kind of right in their face. Though I do wonder exactly what Twilight would be covered by. Books?" Discord scratched his beard slightly in thought. "And I know, dear Celly that you missed me ever so much. I was still partially awake, so I heard you in the garden speak all your long and in-depth monologues to me. And felt you polish a few long and hard parts of me while you did so." Discord grinned wide and shifted his body around his plush and ever so cake obsessed alicorn, taking in all her curves and he felt his two phalli slide out of their sheathes and drag slowly across her rear. "Can you fit me into your schedule, dear?"
Celestia took off her regalia slowly and rolled on to her back, presenting herself like a common mare, not the immortal Princess of the Sun. Which suited her just fine. Her role that she filled wasn't all that she was. Maybe one day she could retire and live a life that truly fulfilled her, but for now, these little moments of excitement and joy would work. One day she would go on an adventure that didn't involve her micromanaging an entire country. "I thought you wouldn't ask."
Celestia loved this part as Discord entered her. She had tried sex toys before- thousands of years alone could lead to boredom- but she could never find a toy that replicated Discord's shape perfectly. Like Discord himself, his penis was truly a unique specimen. She felt the large horse members enter her and she bucked her hips in response, the cat like barbs hitting spots that she had almost forgotten about. Though her favorite part was the finish. The dog knot of his that always made her go wild.
She reflexively cast a silence spell around her room, just to make sure that no guards would be worried that she was screaming bloody murder when Discord and her finally reached the true throes of passion. The image of a guard unwittingly entering her room in the midst of coitus, which exciting, was too much of a scandal in today's modern world. She had an image to maintain ever so slightly. Even though the idea of joking around with her guards did tickle her fancy.
She covered Discord in her golden aura and smiled up at him. They had a routine, a meshing of roles and a fair bit of teasing. And while she loved being ravaged like this, she had an image to maintain. Discord grinned as he knew exactly what was coming next.
Celestia flipped their positions with a thought, ever so careful to keep Discord inside her, and in a brief moment, she looked down on him, his grinning maw ready for part two. "Ready?"
Discord popped his eyes out and rolled them around in his claws, quickly popping them back into place. "I was born ready."
Celestia flared up her horn and let her mind attach itself fully to the sun. She was always part of it, years of control and experience made it easy to compartmentalize herself and not wield the full power of the sun, due to a real worry that her little ponies would be a little too intimidated. She had carefully hooficured an image of a loving, caring Princess through centuries of control. She breathed out and let the sun's mana pour into her, the feeling of the burning heat made her moan and her eyes rolled back into her head as her mane erupted into gouts of magical fire that wrapped Discord and her in waves of heat.
Celestia sat there for a moment, taking in her Daybreaker form and smiled, sharp fangs making her grin down at Discord like a predator seeing prey in its sights. She bent down and dragged her tongue over Discord, feeling the taut and varied muscles of his and she flared her horn up and shackled him to the bed. They had an arrangement that until the both of them were truly done, they weren't going anywhere. She looked down at him menacingly with her eyes that looked like the sun during an eclipse, her irises like the corona of her heavenly sphere, and spoke to him with force tinged with her normal sense of compassion shown to all her subjects. "Time to truly let loose."
The bed buckled and bent furiously as the pair of immortals finally got down to rutting.
Author's Note
Sometimes writing really dumb stories for fun is a nice outlet.
