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by TheDriderPony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Raindrops, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Lyra, Pinkie Pie (EqG), Comedy, Bon-Bon
Length: 2668

Pinkie and Pinkie collab on new magical coffee recipes. The results require the invention of new adjectives.

How do you improve on perfection, once perfection has become outlawed?
Pinkie hopes to find out, with the help of Pinkie and several (mostly) willing volunteers.
After all, nothing bad ever came from mixing high-sugar coffee drinks and highly experimental magic, right?

Written for the Quills & Sofa's "Expanded Universe 2" contest as a sequel to Grand_Moff_Pony's The Amazing Arcane Alicorn Frappe
Reading the prequel is not required, but will make certain aspects of this story clearer.

Published 2021-05-12 03:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-05-12 03:50:01 UTC

Though Availability is Limited

Most ponies didn't know that Sugarcube Corner had a basement. Not even Cakes knew.

That was because Pinkie had constructed it herself. A violation of the Ponyville Building and Zoning Code? Perhaps. But where else was she supposed to test new and experimental recipes that pushed the boundaries of food and common sense?

Tonight was a night that she planned to push such boundaries and she didn't need her Pinkie Sense to know that it was truly going to be a night to remember.

After all, how often did she get to work with an alternate version of herself from another dimension where she was some kind of long squishy pig-skinned monkey creature?

"Um, can someone explain again why there are two Pinkies here?"

Also, assistants. Another rarity in her Secret Confectionary And Research Activity Basement (she’d wanted to call it her Secret Magic Ingredients Lair of Experimentation, but the mare at the registry office said that name was taken, so SCARAB it was instead). Four volunteers —willing ones even!— sat on a tidy row of collapsible chairs like cupcakes on a display shelf. And much like cupcakes, no two shared the same expression, displaying a full selection of emotions from giddy to neutrally apprehensive.

"Because I had the idea in the first place," said Other Pinkie.

"And I'm the one with a local place to do it," she finished.

Roseluck looked confused, but Pinkie found that a lot of ponies tended to look confused even when she spoke really clearly so she'd kinda stopped noticing. "Wait, but that doesn't answer..."

"Just forget it, Rose," Lyra cut in. "It's Pinkie. You'll just get a headache. Double the headache, in this case."

Roseluck looked like she was about to object, but slowly closed her mouth and settled back down into her chair.

Pinkie cleared her throat. Fun was all well and good but the time had come for business. The business of fun which was, in itself, fun, but a different kind of fun that needed a bit more order.

"So. You all know why we're here."

"I don't."

Pinkie turned to the lone dissenting voice. Bon Bon, candymaker extraordinaire and friendly business rival (not that the mare would admit it) wore a frown that really didn't fit with the kind of cheery attitude Pinkie liked to think her SCARAB inspired. It was supposed to be a fun place of baking, not a frowny place.

"All I know is Lyra dragged me down here in practically the middle of the night, rambling something about 'unlimited power' and 'unbeatable taste sensation' and I felt it was my duty to check it out."

"Your duty as a candy maker?" Other Pinkie asked.

Bon Bon suddenly looked rather uncomfortable. "No, I meant... as a citizen of Ponyville. That. Can't leave all the chaos for Twilight to deal with."

That made sense to Pinkie. Sometimes it felt like half her day was spent warding off disasters as her Pinkie Sense warned her about them. If she weren't around, Twilight'd probably never get any free time to read!

Still, she owed the mare an explanation. It was only fair.

"I've gathered you here tonight," she said, flaring out her apron for suitable dramatic effect (and to conceal a bit of sleight of hoof), "To discuss... this."

Gasps rose from three of the four assembled test subjects. Bon Bon merely narrowed her eyes. "Is that-"

"It is!" Other Pinkie cut in, seizing the cup from Pinkie Prime's hoof to raise it like a blessed chalice. "The stupendous, spellbinding, totally superbtastic Amazing Arcane Alicorn Frappe!"

Now Bon Bon gasped. It was really more like a hissing breath sucked in through her teeth, but Rarity did that a lot too when Pinkie presented her line of food-based (and constructed) clothing, so she counted it as a valid gasp anyway.

"Those are illegal."

"Outlawed," Roseluck confirmed.

"Forbidden," added Lyra with a really big grin.

"Banned," said Raindrops, who was also present, but generally more of a listener.

"Technically, yes, but also no, but also yes and no." Pinkie snagged the cup back from Other Pinkie and placed it on the table. "It's illegal to make them and to sell them. Nothing says you can't just own one."

"Secondly," Other Pinkie stepped in with perfect timing, "It's not technically a Triple-A-F yet. It's missing the final ingredient. Lyra?"

The mare in question lit her horn and pulled a pair of saddlebags out from beneath her chair. She hopped up from her seat and made her way to the table, tossing the bags so they landed with the flaps open to reveal four bags of sparkling powder.

"Magic dust," she said simply as she retook her seat.

Pinkie nodded. It was alway nice having another pony who was as on the ball as she was. No need to waste not-fun time explaining when to do things. That was another reason she and Other Pinkie got along so famously.

"Exactly. Right now it's just a normal Pretty-Good Powerless Pony Pergamino."

"Isn't Pergamino a totally different type of coffee?" Bon Bon asked, though Lyra quickly shushed her.

"Anyway," Pinkie continued, "Normal PPPP coffee. If I do this," She opened three of the bags and took a pinch each of green, red, and blue powder. Shaking her hooves like a pair of maracas got them all nice and mixed up, after which she sprinkled them on the drink. There was a flash of light, and suddenly the drink was more than it had been before. "Now it's illegal."

Bon Bon opened her mouth to say something again, but before she could, Other Pinkie grabbed the drink and tossed it into the furnace. There was a brief flare of rainbow light before the flames returned to normal. "No evidence, no crime," she stated.

"Okay so now that we're all accessories to a misdemeanor-"

"No evidence, no crime," Other Pinkie repeated.

Bon Bon continued undeterred. "Again, why are we here?"

Pinkie grinned, not that she hadn't been grinning before, only that she stepped up from her default grin to her this-is-gonna-be-great grin. "Because only Amazing Arcane Alicorn Frappes are illegal. And these drinks are only AAAFs if we use all three flavors of magic dust."

Roseluck gasped and all eyes turned to her. "So you're saying... you've invented new kinds of magic coffees?"

"She's saying we're all about to," Other Pinkie clarified as she pulled a few more un-magicked coffees out of her mane. "Local Pinkie told me you all liked the original so much, I insisted you help us try the new types."

Bon Bon cast a side-eye to her fellow test subjects. "And you're all onboard with this? Trying out weird barely-legal concoctions with no safeties or supervision whatsoever?"

Roseluck nodded. "I'm always up to try new things."

Lyra smirked. "Who do you think gave them the idea?"

"Mama needs her magic bean juice." All eyes turned to Raindrops. "Don't you judge me. You all tried it. You know how it is."

Pinkie did not judge. She never judged. Unless she was a judge in a contest, in which case she totally judged but always kept it fair, otherwise they’d stop picking her to judge things.

The candymaker sighed. "Fine. If everyone else is onboard I guess I'll stick around. If only to make sure someone's around to tell the rescue teams what happened."

"Fantastic!" Wasting no more time for boring talk, Pinkie reached into the green bag and pulled out a pinch of powder. "Then let's get this party started! Test number one!" Other Pinkie pulled out a clipboard and pencil. "Earth pony powered magic dust."

She dashed the dust liberally over the drink. As before, the concoction glowed briefly before dying back. Only now the whole drink had taken on a swirly green color. How neat! "Presenting the Exciting Enchanting Earth Espresso!"

"It's still a frappe though," somepony muttered quietly, but Pinkie ignored them. Her drink, her name. That's how discovering things worked.

"Who wants to try it?"

"Ooh, ooh! Pick me!" Lyra was practically bouncing out of her seat with excitement. Bon Bon rolled her eyes. Roseluck shook her head. Raindrops politely raised her hoof.

"Raindrops," she decided. "Sorry Lyra," she added at the unicorn's plaintive whine. "But she did raise her hoof.”

Raindrops accepted the drink with a quiet reverence. For a long time she just stared at it. Long enough that Pinkie noted Other Pinkie jotting down 'possible hypnosis' under the list of side effects. Finally though the pegasus popped off the lid and downed the entire drink in a single swallow.

She licked her lips, not that it looked like any drink landed on them. "Mm. That's the stuff. Good, very smooth. Earthy. Almost tastes like- *hiccup*!"

The violent noise interrupted her description, accompanied by an equally violent burst of flower petals from her mouth. They took root where they landed, quickly sprouting up into a tiny field of glittery blossoms.

"Huh." Raindrops leaned down and bit one off. She chewed for a moment before swallowing. "Tastes about the same, but like it was sitting out for a bit."

"A drink that comes with its own meal." Pinkie remarked as Other Pinkie scribbled furiously on her notepad. "Next drink then!"

"That's it? You're not going to do any repeat testing or even wait to monitor side effects?" Pinkie appreciated Bon Bon’s willingness to actively participate, but she had to admit that her Debbie Downer mood and habit of interrupting was starting to wear on her a little.

"Yep! No breaks on this coffee train. Test Number Two! Pegasus power powder!" A dash of blue was taken and sprinkled. Again the drink glowed and settled down in cerulean tones. "The Pleasantly Poignant Prestidigating Pegasus Prench Press. Who wants this one?"

"I think I'd like this one." Pinkie passed it to Roseluck, much to Lyra's vocal dismay. Unlike Raindrops, she sipped hers slowly, taking the time to properly appreciate the flavor. Plus, it was hot. How Raindrops managed to pull off her trick without burning herself was something Pinkie made a note to ask her about later.

"Not bad," she mused after a moment. "Good balance of flavors. A little... fruity, I think? Can't quite put my hoof on it. Eight out of ten, would drink again."

"Any... side effects?" Other Pinkie's pen was already ready.

"Not really. Let me take a better look." Roseluck rose from her seat... and then continued to rise. She sailed smoothly up and forward a little, straight out of her chair and to the ceiling. "Does this count?"

"Zero gravity," Other Pinkie noted. "Can you normally do that?"

"No."

"Then it counts."

"Test number three!" Pinkie cried before anypony could stop her. Another flash of light unveiled a glimmering red drink. "Order up! One Ultimate Unbelievable Unicorn Unmaking!"

"Unmaking?" Other Pinkie asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know any types of coffee that start with a U."

"This one's mine," Lyra said, already reaching for the cup.

"No," Bon Bon said, barring her with a foreleg.

"But Bon Bon!"

"I said no. No way in Tartarus am I letting you drink something called an Unmaking."

"It's just a name."

"Somepony's gotta drink it," Pinkie pressed.

"Lyra." Bon Bon looked her wife deep in the eyes. "Know I do this because I love you." With an agility that surprised everyone, the sedate candymaker performed an expert combat roll, landed right in front of Pinkie right side up, swiped the drink from her hoof, then backflipped back into her seat while draining it dry. She landed squarely in her seat, legs crossed, cup empty of coffee.

Her eyes widened as the flavor finally registered. "Oh wow, that's actually really good. I can see why you-" With a flash of light that looked suspiciously like a teleportation spell, she vanished without a trace.

"Welp, that's all three done. Guess that wraps up the testing." Other Pinkie pushed her notepad back into her mane and began cleaning up. Raindrops hiccupped another burst of flowers and proceeded to eat them. Roseluck tried to push herself off the ceiling towards something heavy she could grab so she wouldn't go bouncing right back up.

"What? But I never got to try one!" Lyra whined.

"Sorry, but there's only three types since combining them is illegal."

"Then why'd you have me bring over unattuned dust?"

Other Pinkie opened her mouth then stopped and turned to Pinkie, whose smile had turned a little nervous. "Why did you have her bring that?"

Pinkie giggled. It wasn't a happy giggle, more a nervouscited giggle. A slightly guilty giggle. "Weeeeell, I maaaay not have invited you over just cause you gave me the recipe. You do have a special type of magic that the rest of us don't."

Her eyes widened like dinner plates. "Whaaaa? You mean hu- that thing I am that Twilight said I'm not supposed to mention? Is... is that legal?"

"It's not illegal. I couldn't find a single law having anything to do with the thing that you are that we can't say around Lyra."

"Fillies, I am right here," Lyra deadpanned.

"Alright, I'm game. Pass me the stuff." Pinkie passed her the bag of white powder. "So how do I... oh." As she reached into the bag, the powder began to glow. It thrummed and hummed and did all sorts of other things that usually only happened to sound and not light. When it finished, the white dust had gone yellow.

"Secret surprise bonus test." Pinkie snagged a smidgeon and, with great care and concern, sprinkled it over the last drink. The flash this time was bright. Enough to make them squint and turn away. When they could finally look back, they beheld true beauty.

The drink was golden. A bright radiating yellow like the rising sun of morning. Pinkie lifted it slowly and presented it to the awestruck unicorn like a newborn foal. "Presenting... mystery flavor."

Lyra accepted it with silent wonder. It almost seemed a shame to drink it, but in time, she failed her sanity check and drank deeply of the golden nectar. When she finally freed the straw to take a breath, the cup was nearly empty.

"Well?" Both Pinkies pressed in pink-perfect sync. "How do you feel?"

Lyra exhaled slowly, her voice light and far off. "I feel... I feel..."

"Yes, yes?!"

"I feel an incredible urge to start a Let's Play channel."

Pinkie blinked in confusion. Other Pinkie blinked in perplexity.

"I also feel really compelled to figure out how to share photos of me eating lunch with as many ponies as equinely possible."

Pinkie turned to Other Pinkie. "Is this normal for... your people?"

She scratched her head. "Kinda? I guess."

"Huh. Not very impressive."

"I know. I was expecting something more too."

"Hey, you mind if I go?" Lyra asked. "I should probably figure out what happened to Bon Bon. Also, I need to go find an antelope or something and chase it till it collapses from exhaustion."

Pinkie couldn't think of any reason for her to stay. She glanced at Other Pinkie. She shrugged, seeming to have the same lack of ideas. "Yeah, sure. Good luck finding her."

"Thanks. And thanks for the drink. See ya Rose. Bye, Drops"

"Bye.”

"*Hiccup!* Mfhm."

Pinkie shook her head as their failed experiment shrugged into her saddlebags, turned, and headed for the door. "Oh well. I guess they can't all be winners. Some drinks just weren't meant to hit the specials board."

Turned away as she was, everypony was too focused on their own issues to watch Lyra leave. As a consequence, nopony saw how, when she reached for the doorknob, five small hooves grew out of her main one to grasp and turn it. She stared down at them, then slowly shifted her gaze to the still brimming satchel of yellow powder in her saddlebag.

"Well isn't that interesting. I wonder if this stuff works as a candy coating?"