Royal Pwni Sisters

by Jorofrarie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1902

A story about life, the universe, and hackers...

Sometimes ponies play video games, and sometimes they have a good time.

But usually, they don't. This is what happens when they rage.

Not having fingers probably doesn't do anything to help either...

Published 2012-09-05 21:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-05 21:24:02 UTC

Team Hackfest 98

Feel free to like and fav...

Royal Pwni Sisters

by Jorofrarie

Luna was running for her life, and boy did she know it. The pounding hoof-falls, loud in the oppressive silence that had only just fallen. The flames that had been chasing her only moments earlier had disappeared.

But they’d be back. They always came back. It was only a matter of time before that fire-breathing demon came to chase her again.

A modicum of her magical power returned to her, and she used it to power a hasty and improvised invisibility spell, temporarily hiding her from the prying eyes so focused on finding her.

And worse, killing her.

Even her status as Princess of the Night wouldn’t stop her enemies from killing her, the ‘immortality’ didn’t mean anything here. They would kill her with ease.

She came across a corridor and quickly ran down it. One of the enemy soldiers appeared at the end but Luna, with her invisibility, was hidden from sight. She ducked into the corner of the corridor and let the soldier run past, the heavy clunking from his equipment creating an irregular noise.

He was so close to her, she could almost feel the heat, smell the sweat coating his body…

But then he was past her, and she was alone in the corridor as the soldier ran out the other end. Luna ran on in the other direction, away from the soldier.

And then she was out in the open, a small courtyard showing two sets of staircases up to the next layer of the enemy base, the target of her infiltration mission. It had been a long, long time since she had had to do these kinds of mission, but recently, due to the sudden war; she had been getting a lot of practice.

Pausing for a moment to catch her breath, Luna crept into the corner of the courtyard, hiding underneath one of the staircases. She could hear the enemy troops nearby, emerging from their equipment and fitting room. The odd call for help could also be heard, and Luna tried to judge the specialties of some of the troops.

But then it was time to move on. The power that she had used for her invisibility spell had been all but used up completely, so there was no choice.

The cloaking spell vanished and Luna switched to something that she had learned more recently, only shortly after the Changeling Invasion, some months ago. The ability that they had enabling them to change appearances was only available to them, but a spell could imitate that almost perfectly.

As Luna slowly reappeared, a small blue cloud of flames enveloped her, changing her appearance to suit that of one of the enemy soldiers. Namely, the one that had passed her in the corridors. Luna started up the stairs…

She passed rooms, and some enemy troops, quickly, not pausing to glance for fear of seeming shifty. She had a different goal in mind.

Some of the enemy troops had started training in long-range assassination, and it was her new assignment to take these select few out with the least fuss, and most efficiency.

She was nearing the outside of the enemy base, but a balcony spread out into the open, giving a perfect viewing gantry for these… ‘snipers’? Yes, that was the name that Celestia had told to her. These soldiers had been eliminating hordes of her own, and now was the time to get revenge.

There was no stopping the Lunar Republic.

Wiping a bead of sweat away from her brow, Luna focused on hunting down these pests. The balcony would be the obvious place for them to be as it gave them an almost unimpeded view of the surrounding area, so she headed there first.

And then she spotted her target. One of the elites, a specialist soldier.

From the top of the slouch hat on her head, to the dusty pants, this mare seemed to ooze professionalism. Luna started across the balcony. The sniper was completely out of it, focused only on the far away targets of her teammates. And that would be her downfall.

Luna quietly lit up her horn and started to bring a butterfly knife out of a holster on her leg, flicking it open in an instant and with barely any noise. The sniper still hadn’t heard. Perfect.

Luna placed the knife in her hoof for maximum strength. This strike would have to be swift and precise. She raised her hoof, poised to bring it down on the unsuspecting assassin as she presented her exposed back to the Princess…

And then the sniper spun around in less than a second, no hesitation.

The last thing that Luna saw in that life was the barrel of the large gun that was the sniper’s calling card, and a flash, a lightning noise roaring in the air…

“MOTHER BUCKER! I SO BUCKING HAD HER THEN!”

Boom, headshot! Cellytelly killed Woonatunes with skill.

“What?! How was that a bucking headshot?! She buckin’ turned on a dime! What the buck was that?!”

SLAM!

“Dammit! "Okay, let’s do this again…”

Luna appeared a second later, running out of her equipment room in an instant. She cloaked herself with her magic, before jumping out of her base, completely invisible, safe from h-

A four-note riff rang out loudly through her headset, almost deafening.

Boom, headshot! Cellytelly is dominating Woonatunes.

“WHAT THE HAY!!!!!!!!”

Luna was pissed, that much was obvious. That time the sniper had hit her directly in the head while she was completely invisible. There was no way that could be right…

Sighing, she leaned to her left and picked up a can of soft drink, sculling it while waiting to respawn. The glow of the computer monitor lit up her room slightly, throwing light over the other deserted cans and instant meals. The squeak of her chair was the only noise.

Well, apart from the raging alicorn…

“Okay, let’s actually do it this time…”

It helped that she was the Princess of the Night, it meant that she could get in a lot more practice than anyone else in the castle, who would all be either sleeping or on duty. And really, no one went to night court, so she was free to do whatever she wanted, like read…

Or play Team Fortress…

And she had been playing it a lot. Every night since she had been introduced to the wonders of videogames Luna had been practicing, honing her skills, making her the best player in her area, and she had participated in more than a few major league competitions under the alias Woonatunes.

And after all of that practice, all of that training, was it worth it?

Hell yeah. She had become one of the best in the whole of Equestria. And this was one of her best maps, 2Fort. There was almost no chance of anyone that didn’t compete professionally bea-

Humiliation!

What?! She had that one! Luna had been sitting in the corner waiting for a different cloaking spell to recharge, when that same sniper had come from nowhere and attacked her! There wasn’t any clue at all that gave away her position! She had been invisible!

That’s it, things just got real. Luna switched to another class, scout. There was no way that the sniper would be able to get her now, especially if she stayed to the back ways of the map, the hidden routes.

Luna ran out of the respawn area an-

Humiliation

-d straight into the waiting sniper, who already had her large knife at the ready. Somehow she had already moved to a position next to the exit to the spawn room and was waiting there with her kukri at the ready, the large knife already coated with the blood of her previous incarnations.

“BUCK!” Her hooves smashed into the keyboard, levitating in the air slightly as her horn controlled it, “Oh come on! That’s buckin’ spawn camping you piece of absolute crap!”

She switched to a sniper herself to combat the enemy waiting for her. After all, what better way to fight fire than with fire? And so Luna ran out of the respawn, slowly, just to make sure that she wouldn’t get killed by stupid luck.

Empty.

She started getting nervous, her hooves jittering along the surface of the desk that she was sitting at.

All she had to do was get onto the balcony, and then she would be able to snipe to her hearts content…

Hmmmm? Empty again? Huh, okay…

Luna looked around for a second, before shaking her head and scoping, hoping to shoot somepony for the first time in three lives. And there was no chance of getting killed by accident. She couldn’t see anyo-

Boom, headshot!

“FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-“

Where had that shot come from?! The sniper would have had to shoot through solid… wall…

Oh crap…

The kill cam showed it all, a sniper sitting beneath her, hidden by something… the floor. She was going against a hacker. The sniper had shot her through the floor!

Luna glared at the screen before slamming her keyboard against the table and leaving it there. She walked out of the room just in time to hear the first of many ‘Boom, headshots’ as the hacker started shooting at her while she was respawning.

Luna decided that it was time for a relaxing walk. The moon was in the centre of the sky, and there were no clouds in the sky. She started to walk towards the garden, but stopped. She heard something. Something annoying.

‘Celestia?’

The Solar Princess was never up at this time of night, but there was no mistaking the noise coming from the room just a little way up from her own…

Giggling?

Luna crept closer to investigate. But froze when she came close enough to hear, anger filling her in an instant…

“Hahahaha, ooooh, hehehehehehee……. Awww this is just too good…”

Boom, headshot.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOL! This. Is. Awesome!”

Celestia was genuinely laughing, her head thrown back as she almost collapsed to the floor in a fit of giggles. It was just so funny! Screw the rules, this was the real way to play! She could only imaging the look on her sis-

Boom, headshot.

A fresh wave of laughter. This time Celestia did fall out of her chair, rolling around on the floor laughing her head off. Luckily the room would block most of the sound from disturbing the castle, and most importantly, her sister.

“Oh man, this has got to be the best idea that I’ve ever had before…”

Another thought struck her:

“I wonder what Luna’s expression is like right now…”

But the fresh wave of laughter was disturbed by something, the telltale Clop! of hoofsteps in the outside corridor. But hay, that didn’t matter. It was probably just some servant or something, nothing to worry about…

But the door opened.

Celestia hurriedly cut off her giggles and turned to reprimand whoever had disturbed her from her ‘sleep’. She looked at the door, expecting a stunned pony…

Her breath froze in her chest. Standing in the doorway was a very large, very imposing, and very pissed off Luna.

And there was no mistaking the murder in her eyes. Celestia said the only thing that came naturally to mind in the situation.

“Buck my life.”