This is the greatest possible ending I have received yet. Well done, Ethesto. Well done.

I Am the Law

Rainbow Dash stared at the machine, a growing sense of dread filling her adorable, little-pony belly as the sounds of gears and pistons grinding Anon’s corpse into a fine, red paste filled the room. It was a horrible sound, reminiscent of wet spaghetti splattering continuously into a hard surface. Such was a normal sound for the machine, however, so the guards paid it no mind as they began herding all the little fail Pegasi into a line. It would be their turns to get ground up next and the guards preferred to do it in an organized manner.

Their attention was pulled away from their jobs, though, as an ungodly squelching sound came from the machine and the gears slowly ground to a halt, as though caught on something. They all turned and fixed their stares on the machine, wondering what was going on.

Doctor Atmosphere flew down from his spot on the rafters despite having been shooed away by Rainbow Dash mere moments ago. He was far too curious about whether or not the human would actually produce spectrum to turn a blind eye. Besides, he was more worried about the well being of the machine than incurring the wrath of his daughter. He trotted forward, inspecting the shoot leading into the machine with a critical eye.

“It must be clogged,” he said, looking into the hopper for what was blocking the gears. He turned and motioned towards the nearest guard. “Don’t just stand around, get the plunger!”

The guard immediately ran into a supply closet as Doctor Atmosphere turned to where his daughter was standing. Her jaw was dropped in a mixture of shock and horror and some moisture could be seen in her eyes, threatening to spill out in the form of delicious, salty tears, as she stared at the machine. “All those ridiculous clothes he always wore probably got caught in the gears,” he said, either uncaring or completely oblivious of Rainbow’s current mental state.

A moment later the guard returned, now carrying a modified plunger and a bucket of highly-corrosive acid. The acid would eat through anything caught in the machine, but wouldn’t damage the magically protected metal parts. Then they would open the bottom part and use the plunger to help flush out the corroded meat stew.

Unfortunately, they didn’t get a chance to clean the machine out before it began groaning, as though under immense strain. Suddenly cracks began to appear on its metal-plated surface and there was a series of loud snaps as if something inside were breaking. Every pony in the room stared wide-eyed at it, unsure of what was going on as they took a few involuntary steps back.

Then, without warning, the whole thing exploded in a massive gout of fire. Metal pieces flew out in all directions but, thanks to the poorly defined powers of magic, didn’t hit any of the ponies. Then the room was filled with smoke and silence. Not a single pony dared even breathe, afraid that the smallest sound would cause something to happen.

After only a few moments, the smoke cleared, and the ponies were able to take a look at what remained of the machine. More importantly, they were able to see a humanoid figure kneeling in the middle of the wreckage.

Rainbow Dash was overcome with relief, thinking that Anon had somehow survive the machine. As she looked closer, though, it became apparent it wasn’t Anon. His face was all different, and he was wearing a skin-tight skin-suit, undoubtedly fastened together from the flesh of countless slain enemies and his feet were covered by a pair of socks made from the tears of previously mentioned enemies’ children. He slowly stood up, fixing his eyes on Doctor Atmosphere who cowered under his intense gaze.

“I am Nicolas Cage,” he said in a voice like warm root beer flowing across your ear drums. “And I am the law!”

He suddenly raised his arms in the air, using the powerful magic of humanity to summon a dozen tiny Judge Dredds who were each riding an equally tiny dinosaur. As they appeared, they repeated the phase ‘I am the law!’.

It became immediately apparent to the guards that shit was about to go down and the more cowardly of the lot attempted to flee. The less bitchy guards, however, brandished their lightning sticks, ready to show this guy what’s what. Unfortunately for them, Nicolas Cage had trained under both emperor Palpatine and the Fire lord, so he knew a thing or two about lightning.

Without even wasting time on witty banter, he raised his arms, forked lightning firing from the tips of each of his fingers and into the heads of every guard in the room. Within seconds, all that remained of each of them was a thoroughly charred corpse. In the meantime he never moved his gaze from Doctor Atmosphere who was now trembling on the floor.

“Wha-what a-are you?!”

Nicolas Cage looked around, gauging the reactions of every pony in the room. “I thought I made it clear. I am the law.” He looked back at Doctor Atmosphere, fury now burning in his green eyes. “And there is no justice in murder.”

The doctor was unable to respond to such a badly-used Tyrael quote, or even gasp out a startled cry as Mr. Cage suddenly rushed forward with the speed of two cheetahs tied together, which is to say, really fast, and kicked out with one leg. His foot broke the sound barrier as it connected with Doctor Atmosphere’s neck, severing his head in one clean swipe. This was followed by a jet of blood erupting from his open neck-hole, as is normal when performing fatalities.

He then turned and looked Rainbow Dash up and down, admiring her sexy pony ass. She didn’t seem scared of him at all. In fact, if the liquid dripping down her tail was any indication she was actually aroused. He smiled down at her, and reached out with one hand, ruffling her mane with his overly-muscular fingers.

Rainbow shuttered at his touch. It felt sooooo good. She instantly jumped on top of him, eager for a gratuitous amount of sex. Something he was more than willing and experienced enough to give. Without another word they got down to business, electing to do it right there on the floor next to the fresh corpses of the guards and Doctor Atmosphere as the group of young pegasi in the room who had failed their flight tests and the tiny judge Dredds were forced to watch the whole thing.

And they all lived happily ever after… The end.

Author's Note

THIS IS ART

DO YOU SEE THIS?