Rainbow Dash is a Fucking Idiot

by Poniez n Stuff

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Profanity, Random, Violence, Pinkie Pie, Death, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Drama, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1065

Rainbow Dash does some incredibly stupid shit.

After realizing what a fucking moron Rainbow Dash is, the Mane Six decide it’s time to cut off her ability to make her own life decisions permanently.

Published 2022-03-24 21:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-03-24 21:20:00 UTC

Dip Dop Doop

“Huuuuuh!!!! Duuuuuhhhhh!!!!!! Let’s me see if I can break the sound barrier while also breaking Jon Arbuckle’s spine aaaaaaa-doooy!!!!!!” Dumbass Dash said, she then flew down, grabbed some guy, broke him in two and then did a Sonic Boom that caused the end of an alternate universe (known as the EqG universe [RIP]).

So then, doop dee dah daaa dum, she went flyzing and KILLED and did all lots of other stuff, because he has an IQ in the negative percentage points.

She flew to the sun and chucked it into Derpy Hooves’s asshole, Derpy blew up (which was tragic) and killed nearly everypony ever!!!!!!!!

“THAT’S ENOUGH!!!!!“ Twilight SCREAMED!!!!! “RAINBOW DASH, NOW!!!!” she yelled, the new Rainbow Dash, Spike, then flew in, and tied Rainbow Dash up, but Dashie punched him in the face and TORTURED him for becoming the new Dashie!!!! She then jump-kicked him straight into the lake of eternal torture and flames!!!!

“Pink-achu, we need you!!!” Twilight said, so Pinkie Pie flew in with a fucking bunch of thorns and stuff and wrapped them around Dashie Dash’s body and tied her up. “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Dashie yelled, her screams killed millions; she then farted in pain, her farts caused nuclear death for nearly everyone!!!!

“Rarity?!” Twilight begged for help, but Best Pony Rarity did not give a fuck about any of this and was just chilling in another galaxy.

“Uh... Fluttershy?!” Twilight asked. Fluttershy died.

So it was all up to Twilight and Dashie now, she flew at her and gave her a big ol’ punch in the face!!!! It was so violent and amazing, but in response, Rainbow Dash scissor chopped her neck with her legs and CHRUSHED Twilight’s very stupid and weak neck.

“*ack* NOOOOO!!!! All hope is lost!” Twilight said.

“Not so fast, said some fucking idiot.” Twilight looked to see who it was and it was Applejack. Applejack had flown to Heaven and became the Forth Horse for the Fourth Horseman, but she killed the Man, so she was now just the Horse of the Death for the Apocalypse for the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. Her and the other three flew in, causing even more horrible death and destruction in their wake.

Twilight struggled and said “Applejack, what the fuck are you doing?! Kill Dashie!!! Not random ponies!!!!!!”

“Fuck you!!!!!!!!” Applejack said. She then punched the ground and killed the universe.

Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Applejack floated around in nothingness. Applejack then grabbed Dashie’s face and whispered to her in a cruel and hateful manner “I killed more ponies than you.” she said.

This BLEW DASHIE’S MIND!!!!!!! Up until now, her murder was never intentional!!!!!! She did not know that she had to literally kill EVERYONE on purpose to beat AJ in the competition. Her brain matter literally disintegrated and fell out of her skull, killing her.

Dub Dub Dub Dub Dub DEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Rainbow Dash’s brain then came back, she punched AJ in her godawful ugly, no good pony face!!!! Dashie then recreated the universe and said “I WILL KILL MORE THAN YOU EVER COULD, CUNT!!!!!!!!”

“Girls, what are you doing?! Please stop! Murder and death are bad!!!! I don’t like ‘em!!!!!” Twilight cried.

“SHUT UP, BITCH!!!!!!!” Dashie and AJ responded.

They then did this badass action scene like something from an anime, just going around mindlessly killing every pony. It was fucking shocking!!!

In Hell, Lucifer watched as the souls descended down to him. “Where the Hell are these things coming from?” he asked out loud, waiting in silence to see if anyone appreciated his Irate Gamer reference.

They just killed and killed and killed and killed mindlessly endlessly forever. At last, Twilight knew what she had to do! She split the universe in two, then split the second universe in two, creating three universes overall!!!!! One universe for Dashie and NO ONE ELSE, one universe for Applejack and NO ONE ELSE and one universe for every other life form in the entire universe, including all the different alien species and everyone else all together.

Sadly for Twilight’s dumbass, she accidentally gave almost all the space of the universe to Dashie and Applejack, leaving her and all the septentrigintillion of different lifeforms cramped together in a space only big enough for one pony together forever in all eternity.

“HAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!! What a fucking idiot!!!!” Dashie said.

“Duuuuh, yeah, I though we were supposed to be the dumb ones, dumbass!!!!!” Applejack said.

“Just shut up!” said Twilight. She then cried because she realized that all that sweet, sweet, amazing scientific research about alien life was just out of reach!!! Literally novemvigintillions of alien life, so close, but so far away and unable to be researched forever!!!!! Twilight then cried for all eternity.

Pinkie then farted and everyone in the universe smelled it, but not Dashie or AJ, because they now had their own universes.

The End.

Dumbfuck Does Dumb Dip

One time, in the magical, fagical would of Equestria, a flying pegasus pony named Rainbow Dash lived. She liked to do all sorts of fun things, like fly headfirst into the fireworks factory and drop 10,000 pound weights on the heads of toddlers. She wans a danger to herself and all those around her.

One day after doing a 9/11 7,000 times in a row, her best friends, the Mane Six, decided they had to forcibly restrain her to stop her absolute idiocy.

“I’m really worried about Rainbow Dash. This is the trillionth atrocity she’s committed this hour.” Princess Twilight Sparkle remarked. “If she keeps this up, she’ll be thought of as the most evil creature in history, even though she is only an idiot.”

Pinkie Pie agreed, “Yeah, this shit is fucking stupid, even compared to me and I’ve liked every movie Kevin Smith has ever released!”

“Honestly, darling, don’t you think you are all overreacting? I mean, it’s not like she’s cared anyone I care about. And since I only care about myself, she’s probably not going to.” Rarity said.

“THAT PIECE OF SHIT THINKS SHE CAN CAUSE MORE DEATH AND DESTRUCTION THAN ME, DOES SHE?!!?!!?!?!” said Applejack, who immediately ran off the proverbial screen and then killed a quintillion babies for fun.

“Um... I think... we have to stop her.” said the worst character in cartoon history (you know who I’m talking about!)

“Okay, then let’s do this thing!” Twilight said.