It had been a long night of gutting teenagers and scaring their parents shitless, and Freddy Krueger was exhausted. He walked in the front door of his hell-house (what did you expect; that he would just float around aimlessly all day?) and hung his hat on the black, thorny hat rack next to the door. Next he peeled his thick red and green striped sweater off and hung it beside his hat. However, the glove with blood-stained knives protruding from its fingertips remained on his hand. He had long since grown attached to his homemade set of claws; both literally and mentally.
Freddy climbed up the set of stairs to his bedroom sluggishly, leaving more scrapes on the railing as his claws dragged. “Damn, what a day.” He opened his bedroom door. “Who knew murdering the innocent to harvest the fear of others was such an exhausting job?” he continued talking to himself as he made his way to his private bathroom. “I mean its fun and all, but after all this time I guess the job’s starting to get to me.”
Upon entering the bathroom, he looks at himself in the cracked mirror. He noted the melted skin and meat clinging to his skull from where he had been burned alive in the reflection; nothing unusual.
Shrugging, he opened the medicine counter behind the mirror and pulled out a jar of lotion. He popped the lid off and, using the blade attached to his forefinger, scooped a dab of the gel and spread it across his cheeks like one would spread butter on toast. Once he finished spreading the lotion, he put the lid back on and placed it on the shelf where it had been and closed the cabinet.
He looked at himself in the mirror again, seeing the globs of lotion melting and running across his deformed face. That was better. Now that that was done, it was time for him to get some well-deserved rest.
He closed the bathroom door behind him and stepped over beside his bed. He stretched his arms back before twisting his neck, resulting in a series of gut-wrenching cracks and pops as his joints loosened. He let out a long sigh before pulling back the covers to his bed (of nails) and lying down. Blackness consumed him as he fell fast asleep.
-
Freddy tossed and turned uncomfortably, muttering to himself. He didn’t recall his bed of nails to be quite so… fluffy. Uttering some hellish profanity, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He was in the middle of a dirt road in what appeared to be some kind of quaint town of thatched houses. Looking down, he realized that he had been lying on a pile of clouds. On top of that, he was wearing his hat and sweater now.
“The fuck?”
Looking around again, he noticed several multicolored pony-things walking in the street around him. Some were flying ponies, others were regular ponies, and there were even ponies with horns. A few ponies smiled warmly and waved to him when they realized he was looking at them.
“Where am I? …Where the hell am I?!” He snatched up a light yellow unicorn as it trotted past him. “What are these? What the hell are these?!” He shook the pony violently, making its head and limbs flail around. "Whats with these ponies?!" When he stopped shaking her, the unicorn beamed at him and kissed the tip of his nose. “Son of a bitch!” He chucked the pony as hard as he could into the air, only to have a Pegasus fly in and catch it.
“Nice throw,” the unicorn shouted to him, giggling a bit. Freddy stared at the unicorn with a mix of disbelief and hatred. The Pegasus set down the unicorn he had chucked, and the two just carried on their merry way. What the hell was going on?
Suddenly a twig snapped behind him. He spun around and came face-to-face with a bright pink ball of bouncing cotton candy. Wait… No, it was a pony. “Hiya Mr. Freaky-face McGee! Welcome to Ponyville! My name is Pinkie Pie, and I’m here to throw you a ‘welcome to Ponyville’ party with my-” she jumped out of his face and onto her “-Welcome Wagon!”
“Ok, I guess that answers where I am… sort of… but what the fuck is going on?!”
“I just told you that, silly! I’m throwing you a party!”
Freddy stared at the annoying pink pony for a second. “Do you even know who I am? I murder teenagers for a living! Why would I want a party from some obnoxious little prissy, sissy, piece of shit?”
“Because I love you!”
“…What now?”
“Don’t be shy, it’s okay! Everypony loves you! Isn’t that right?” Every pony within earshot cheered or shouted happily.
Freddy looked around nervously. “What?! Nobody is afraid of me?”
Pinkie stopped bouncing and looked him straight in the eye. “Of course not! So what if you look like your face fell in a fry-vat? It’s not what’s on the outside that matters. It’s what’s on the inside that truly counts!”
Freddy scowled. “Well then I’m sure you won’t mind if I see what you’ve got inside!” He shouted as he jumped the pink pony, pinning her on her back with a hand at her throat. He saw shock and fear in the pink pony’s eyes before bringing down his other hand to cut open her gut. But instead of the ear-splitting scream of death he loved so much, he was bombarded by laughter from the pony.
“Hee-hee-hee! Oh! Oh stop it! I’m ticklish! Pftahahahaha!” Freddy stood up and took a step back from the pony. “Awwww, I didn’t mean literally,” Pinkie said, sounding a bit downbeat.
Freddy looked at the pony in shock. There wasn’t a scratch on her! He held his hand up to see what had gone wrong; but instead of a glove with knives, there was a soft pillow with big feathers attached to his hand. He started waving his hand about wildly to try and shake the tickle-weapon off.
“Uh oh. Looks like there’s a storm coming,” Pinkie said. Freddy stopped the futile attempt at getting the pillow off his hand and looked up to the sky. Several large, bluish purple clouds were rolling in above the town.
“What the fuck now?”
Suddenly a chainsaw fell from one of the clouds and landed on the ground at Freddy’s feet. He looked around him as several other random objects started falling from the clouds.
“The clouds; they’re dropping us presents!” A purple unicorn exclaimed happily as a stack of books fell before her.
Pinkie began to bounce again. “I hope mine’s a football!”
Something about that made Freddy’s mind finally snap. He frantically picked up the chainsaw at his feet and started it up with a loud roar. He couldn’t stand it here any longer. He began screaming in rage as he shoved the chainsaw through his own chest, splattering blood everywhere.
-
Freddy’s eyes shot open as he sat up in bed, cold sweat drenching his blankets. He looked around frantically to see where he was. Once he realized he was back in his bedroom he let out a relieved sigh. “Damn, what a messed up dream,” he said as he wiped the sweat off his brow with a hoof.
“Wait…” He looked down at his hoof in shock. Panicking, he pulled out his other arm; only to have a hoof on it as well. His eye twitched. “No…” He jerked the blankets off him, revealing a blood-red pony body with a dark green tail sticking out between his hind legs. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
-
Freddy’s eyes shot open as he sat up in bed, cold sweat drenching his blankets. He jerked his arms up frantically, wriggling his fingers (and claws). Then he jerked back his blankets off, only to find his original body as it should be. He breathed a heavy sigh of relief and fell back into the bed of nails. “Fucking hell, what a nightmare.”
He stared at the ceiling for a moment before sitting back up. “You know what? I don’t even want to go to sleep anymore.” He swung his legs off the bed and stood up. “I wonder if there’s anything on TV,” he muttered as he left the bedroom and walked down the stairs. Once in the living room, he slumped down on the sofa in front of his HD plasma TV and picked up the remote. He pushed the power button and the screen clicked on, showing a purple balloon sinking into a cloud bank.
“My Little Pony, My Little Pony. Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhhh-”
“FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”
