Equestria Girls in Cali

by smakleapp

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Fluttershy (EqG), My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash (EqG), Comedy, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity
Length: 1339

The Equestria Girls become Valley Girls

Sunset, Rainbow, and Fluttershy talk it up at a coffee shop in the Cali sun.

Published 2021-05-25 13:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-05-25 13:50:00 UTC

Oh My Gawd

The coffee shop was bustling with life, many going to get their Americano with extra shots of cream. Another few sat at their tables, typing up their memoirs or coming of age stories while looking around to check if people noticed their typing. However, one table was the biggest source of noise. It housed three girls. All wore skimpy outfits, believing that the coffee shop equaled the beach.

One girl wore a blue bra, and her hair was characteristically rainbow. She wore short jeans. Veryyy short jeans. She would move her legs every minute or so in order to show off that yes, she did in fact have thighs. She was chomping down on a muffin, chocolate chip of course. Next to her sat a taller woman, reddish hair this time. A yellow top accented with a tattoo on her belly.T r u t h. She also thought of the bright idea to wear leggings out in the hot Cali sun, scratching her leg to get the sweats out. Then finally sat a purple hair girl, filling up the hairs Holy Trifecta. She was the least skimpy one, wearing a beautiful flower dress. It was beautiful, but according to the guests, unnecessary. But this was all bearable to the fellow coffee drinkers. Until they began to talk.

“Oh. My. God. Girls. You won't believe what I found out.” the yellow girl said in an obnoxious tone.

“Oh my god girl, spill,” followed blue girl.

“Yes, yes, now,” demanded flower girl.

“Girls, guess who’s going on a shopping spree?” An obnoxious grin hung off her face, and the girls followed by putting their hands on their heads.

“Three girls named Rainbow, Fulttershy, an Sunset, that's for sure!”

Ears of the forsaken were now put into jeopardy. The harpies sang a tune of excitement, while the ears of the fellow men wept with great and plentiful tears. The ringing would not cease even after the violent screams were yanked away from their area of dwelling.

“Sunset, how in the fawwwkkkkk did you pull this off?” Rainbow asked.

“Oh my gurl, ya know how it go!”

Fluttershy put her obnoxiously long rainbow nails on Sunset's shoulder. “Flash really let you?”

“Hawhawhawhawhaw!” Sunset croaked. “The Gluck Gluck 5000 doesn’t fail!”

And the song of the harpies dawned once again.

“Where too?” was the easy follow up question belonging to Fluttershy.

“Sephora of courseee!”

“YAYYYYYYYYY-”

“Girls.” The girls now turned from their frantic yelling circle to the young man who donned a green apron, holding three drinks. “Coffee for you.” The girls now had faces of mild interest at the young man.

“Who got the Espresso heated for two minutes, with vanilla extract, passion fruit essence, frothy milk, but not too frothy, because ‘eww’, and a drop of chocolate syrup on top, not for taste, but for the vibes?”

The girls looked at each other, and giggled. “We got the same thing, maaannnn.” The man in question ignored this, and haphazardly placed the coffee on the table as the girls stared at him with disgust, watching him walk away.

“So. Ruuuddeeee. He needs to fawwking apologize,” Rainbow said while opening and closing her hand for great effect.

“Yah, I would make him, like, I don't know,” Fluttershy said while visually stumped. Sunset nodded her head while chewing her gum, letting her nails create irritating sounds on the table.

“I would, like, chew gum, and like, fawwking, I don't know, say, “Make my coffee!”

“HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWH” The table erupted in deep, throaty chuckles and the entire shop was subjected to the loud torture.

Rainbow was thankfully able to breathe. “Oh my-Sunset, such a WHORREEEE!”

The laughter never ceased, it never ended. The customers wished to say something, but every step they took, the girls would react. With defense only possible from a lot of practice, a leg would silently and quickly shift, showing more bare skin to the intruder. If that didn't work, a simple push of the body forward would make the pancakes dance, and the invader retreat. Thus was what the customers called, The Valley Girl Bubble.

“Soooooooo, whatcha girls gon get?” Rainbow asked with faked interest. Sunset bit first.

“Well, this gurl needs some,” cue high pitched voice, “MAKEUP!!!!”

“OH YOU WHOREEEEE!”

“AW YOU KNOW I DON GIVE A FAWWKKKK!”

“HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW”

The girls then both moved on to the other. “Actually, I’m not really sure if I need anything.”

The girls now stared at Fluttershy as if she grew two heads.

“Gurl, like, seriousley?”

“Yah, like, wah?”

Fluttershy shrugged. “I don’t know, I have enough makeup, I don’t need anymore.”

Rainbow shook her head back and forth, disgusted by the vile words that were said out loud. “Gurl, it ain’t bout the makeup. Ya need to just shop. Like, let’s get some new sports bras with me. So fuuunnn, I promise you.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t play sports, so...”

Rainbow chewed on her gum loudly, and sipped her coffe at equal volum. “...she don get it.”

Fluttershy looked hopelessly confused. “What?”

Rainbow and Sunset looked at each other, and instantly knew the only reason for Fluttershy's heresy.

Sunset began. “Ya got a man, haven’t you?”

Fluttershy's cheeks went crimson as she leaned back in her chair. “W-wha?”

Sunset shook her head back and forth.”Girl, ya know ya gotsta stick up for yerself!”

“Yaassss! Tell her queen!” Rainbow cheered, sipping on her bullshit coffee. Sunset took that advice to a t.

“Ya need to move him over. Ya can't be Miss Man! Ya the queen! Ya tell him!”

Fluttershy looked a bit confused at her friends. “I don’t have a-”

“Ya know,” Rainbow started, “it’s a shame that the patriarchy of this country has ruined all the young queens out there who deserve to be happy! Ya know what I say?”

“Rainbow-”

“If he don know the worth, ya need to desert!”

Sunset exploded, causing Fluttershy to shake her head and sip on her own coffee. “YAAASSSS TELL HER YA ABSOLUTE QUEEN!!!!!”

“OH YA KNOW HOW I ROLL GURLLLLL!”

“YAAAAASSSSS!”

“LIKE, ARE YOU EVEN HIS SCREEN SAVER? LIKE, GURRRRLLLL”

“OH MY GODDDDDD!”

Fluttershy stared at her Starbucks coffee, then at her friends. They were yelling, whoopin it up, over a false sense of feminism. Honestly, she wondered what happened to herself. She’s not like Rainbow. She can’t be so confident that she walks up to anyone and they instantly become obsessed. She can’t be that star athlete, she just can’t. And she can’t be Sunset, the extremely popular girl at high school, equally as hypnotizing, a personality people wanted. And who was she? Yeah, she saved the school, but so what? It’s a fucking school, who cares. Fluttershy massaged her head from these thoughts.

Who was she really? Was she really this type of person? Maybe. Had she not just been laughing and yelling along with the others? She’s no better, is she? No. She sits there. She sits there and conforms to her friends.

Fluttershy starts to think about her house. Filled with birds, dogs, rabbits, any type of animal. They cared for her. They knew her. Why was she trying to fit in?

Why am I trying so hard to be someone I’m really not?

“GURLLL, LIKE, WE SERIOUSLY NEED TO, LIKE, LEAVE.” Sunset's voice cut through the blanket of fog Fluttershy felt herself in. Rainbow chimed in after.

“Yeah, cmon Fluttershy, let’s go shopping then shit on people's bodies at the beach.

“Oh I know there gonna be a biatch with small titties.”

“Oh, there always is!”

The two walked out, talking about who knows what. Without paying. With a sigh, Fluttershy took her wallet out of a designer purse she carried.

200 dollars. What a waste.

She would leave. Eventually. In due time. She wasn’t ready just yet. She couldn’t just leave a culture she was brought into. Maybe her other friends, AJ, Twilight, those girls, will agree. And with a nod to herself, Fluttershy paid for the coffees, and for the trouble, tipped 20 dollars.