Author's Note
No regrets. None whatsoever.
Enjoy this bit of insanity.
Just a Cup of Coffee
"Snrrk!!"
Twilight Sparkle came to life from the realm of sleep with a very undignified and definitely unprincess-like snorting that would have absolutely mortified Rarity to her very core, possibly even to the point of dramatically swooning away onto her fainting couch with a shriek of horrified disdain.
She released a wide yawn that closely resembled a perishing fish desperately trying to breathe it's last, and stretched her limbs and wings in varying directions, attempting to make each appendage wake up along with her. Once she was sure all of them were moving, she shoved the covers off of her body with another gaping yawn and slowly heaved herself out of her bed.
Her bed, of course, did not seem to approve, and apparently neither did her blanket, for both of them conspiratorially attacked her, the blanket tangling around one hind leg and flopping her back over into the warm and comfortable embrace of her mattress while her soft pillow wrapped around half of her head and seemed to whisper into her ear that she should stay right where she was.
"Must...get up." Twilight mumbled, halfheartedly, as she forced herself from the confines of her bed and blanket and managed to get up on her hooves.
Bleary eyed from sleep, she staggered from her room and down the long hallway to the kitchen, where she knew Spike would be preparing breakfast, and her favourite coffee.
Mmm, coffee.
Twilight could almost taste it's warm, smooth bitterness on her tongue as she started to drool in delightful anticipation. There was nothing at all like a cup of hot coffee to wake a pony up and clear their mind. Plus it just plain tasted delicious.
She staggered into the kitchen, first running into the doorframe before actually managing to step through it.
Thud!
"Ow!"
"Good morning, Twilight!" Spike greeted, expertly flipping pancakes.
Rubbing her slightly dented horn, the barely awake princess scowled at the offending doorframe as fiercely as her sleepy state would allow...which was not much.
"You. I will deal with you later, Frame."
Spike swallowed his laughter as she then staggered to the table and collapsed in a chair. He carried a plate of pancakes to her and placed them in front of her with great care before fetching the syrup.
"Coffee, Spike?" Twilight mumbled as she attempted to levitate a comically large bite of pancake to her mouth, only to drop it and poke her muzzle with her fork instead. She glowered blearily at it. "...You're joining Frame in court later."
"Uh..." He coughed, glancing at the cupboard where it normally was kept. "Uh, Twilight? We um, we're kinda...out of coffee?"
Twilight froze, eyes slowly widening as her vision came into focus, losing a good portion of it's bleariness in a hurry.
"Spike. I thought I just heard you say, no coffee."
"Heh, you kinda did."
He let out a startled yelp as he was grabbed in her magic and slightly shaken as if he were some kind of seasoning bottle.
"How can we be out of coffee?!"
"Y-you forgot to buy m-more!" He returned through rattling teeth.
She dropped him and stood up. "I need to get to the store immediately!"
He gazed up at her, arching one eyebrow. Her fur coat was mussed up, and her mane was a mess of frazzled strands sticking up all over her head. Her tail wasn't much better. Plus she had syrup on her muzzle.
"Uh, shouldn't you maybe, I don't know, use a mane brush first?"
"No! No time to waste! I need my coffee!"
Her horn glowed.
"Twilight, you really should-"
With a brilliant flash she was gone, having teleported out of the room before he could even finish. He sighed heavily. Hopefully she wouldn't run into Rarity while looking so...unkempt.
The startled store clerk actually screamed when the frazzle-maned mare randomly teleported into existence right before her.
"Coffee! Where do you keep your coffee?!" Twilight demanded.
"Uh, uh, b-back there on the far shelf, but we d-"
Twilight teleported to said shelf, frantically searching it for signs of her beloved beverage. The clerk screamed again when she teleported back, ending up muzzle to muzzle with her.
"I don't see it!"
"W-well we're sold out, Princess Twi-"
"What?!" Twilight all but shrieked, grabbing her with her magic and shaking her. "You mean you have NO COFFEE?!"
"We haven't had time to restock yet! We sold the last bag yesterday!" The panicked clerk cried.
Twilight's lips curved into somewhat not so pleasant grin.
"Perfect, who did you sell it to? Maybe I can talk them into letting me take it."
"Really, Princess Twilight, I can't give out that infor-"
"WHO. WAS. IT." Twilight added an extra shake for good measure, eyes wild, grin bordering on slightly psychotic.
"M-MISS RARITY! W-WE SOLD IT TO MISS RARITY!" The thoroughly petrified clerk wailed. "Please, just don't hurt me."
Twilight blinked. "Oh, pft. I would never!"
She released the shaking mare and teleported out of the store, leaving her to slump to the floor and wonder if perhaps it might be a really good idea to move to a different town uninhabited by coffee deprived princesses.
Rarity was quite busy, hard at work carefully laboring over her newest line of fashion ware, when all at once a familiar lavender mare materialized next to her.
"RARITY."
"GAHH!" Rarity flung her work into the air with an undignified scream, before realizing just who had appeared. "Merciful Celestia, Twilight! Do you have to appear so dramatically when I-AHHHH!"
The second scream escaped as she got a good look at the bookish intruder, her eyes widening in absolute horror.
"Twilight! Whatever have you done to your mane, darling?! It's positively hideous!!"
"Rarity, I'm here for coffee." Twilight stated through clenched teeth.
"Nonono, it is not coffee you need, Darling, you need a good mane stylist! This look is simply scandalous! You cannot be running about town looking like some kind of unkempt ruffian! Whatever will the press say?!"
As she spoke, Rarity snatched a mane brush in her magic and attempted to brush the unruly mane. Twilight pushed her back.
"I. Need. That. Coffee! The store clerk said you bought it!"
"Er, you mean the coffee I purchased yesterday?"
"Yes!! Where is it?! Can I have it?! I'll buy you more when they restock!" Twilight's eyes were holding a hint of insanity as she gestured wildly.
"Oh no, darling, I don't drink coffee. It's simply horrid. I much prefer tea." Rarity attempted once more to brush her friend's mane.
Twilight's eye twitched. "What? Then why did you- what did you-"
"I picked that coffee up for Rainbow Dash." Rarity said smilingly, turning to lay aside the brush and select another. "She asked me to get it as she was busy so-" There was a flash of light and a pop, and she spun to find herself alone. "-well. What do you think of that, Opalescence? How strange, am I right?"
Opalescence could frankly have cared less as she hissed in Rarity's direction and returned to her nap.
"Come on, guys, put some effort into it!" Rainbow yelled at her fellow pegasi, as they shifted clouds and cleared away excess ones. "Yeesh, such slowpokes. I can do this in ten seconds fla-"
"Rainbow Dash!"
Rainbow yelled in shock at the pony that had just unexpectedly appeared in front of her.
"Gah! Sweet Celestia, Twilight, are you trying to give me a heart atta- what happened to you, you look awful."
"The coffee Rarity gave you, where is it? Can I have it? Rainbow, I need that coffee!" Twilight leaned so close Rainbow could feel the heat her ragged breaths on her muzzle.
"Uhhh...coffee?"
"Rarity said you had her pick up coffee for you yesterday!!"
"Oh! Oh yeah, that."
"Yes, that! Can I have it?!"
"Sorry Twi, no can do."
"Why not?! I thought were friends!"
"We are, but I don't have any coffee. I had Rarity pick it up for me because I was too lazy to go get it myself, and I was getting it for somepony else."
Twilight's eye twitched twice.
"Who?!" She demanded.
"Gave it to AJ. She asked me to pick it up for h-"
Twilight teleported away before Rainbow even got done talking.
"Well then. Come on guys! Get back to work!!!"
"APPLEJACK!!!"
The farmer stopped mid buck as Twilight raced up to her, gasping for air.
"Well howdy sugarcube! Er....you ok? Ya look a little...frazzled."
"Applejack. Please. I need you to please, please, please give me the coffee Rainbow gave you. I'll get you more later, I promise, but I need it!"
Applejack pushed back her stetson. "The coffee Rainbow delivered to me yesterday?"
"Yes!! Please, can I have it? Please! I'll get you more. I'll even help pick apples. Please?!"
"Sorry to disappoint, sugarcube, but I ain't got that coffee. I sent it off to my cousin last night."
Twilight's eye twitched rapidly.
"Y-you what...you don't have...but..."
The alicorn slid to the ground, seeming to deflate in a manner similar to Pinkie Pie. Applejack patted her back.
"Sorry, Twilight. Wish I coulda helped ya."
With that, she returned to her applebucking, leaving the forlorn mare to sit there in the dust.
Twilight felt very tired, even though it was not even anywhere near the middle of the day yet, and with some difficulty teleported herself back to the walk outside her castle. She climbed the stairs with her head down, feeling miserable and like she had just lost her best friend. All she wanted was one cup of coffee! Just one! Was that so hard to ask for?! And yet here she was, coffeeless. Why was the universe out to destroy her simple, innocent desire!
She slumped her way into her office, head still down, and flopped into her chair with a groan. Apparently she was just destined to not drink her coffee. That delicious, succulent, warm coffee. It was nearly depressing to think about.
"Twilight! You're back!" Spike cried out, sounding excited. "Guess what?!"
"What is it, Spike?" she asked dejectedly.
"I found the coffee package! There was enough for one good sized cup for you!"
The dragon held up the mug in his claws. Twilight sat up straighter, gloomy expression turning to one of overjoyed desire as she stared at the steaming prize in Spike's grasp.
"You are the best, Spike! Bring it over here, will you?"
Spike made his way towards her, moving slowly so as to not spill even a drop of the liquid. Twilight's gaze never wavered from the cup as he got closer, then closer, and then even closer. The treasure she had desperately longed for and searched for all morning was nearly within her gasp, her horn beginning to glow in preparation to take the mug from Spike. She licked her lips, already imagining the warmth of the beverage running down her throat and the bittersweet taste clinging to her tongue.
So close. Almost there. Just another step, a little bit more glow from her magic...
Spike tripped over the edge of the rug and went sprawling, cup flinging itself from his grasp as the liquid inside it became an airborne projectile. Twilight let out a shriek of horror. Both the dragon and the cup hit the floor at the same time, and the coffee splashed against Twilight's desk.
For a single moment Twilight regarded the sight in front of her in stunned silence, and then she let her head hit her desktop with a soft thump, letting out a quiet groan followed by a sigh of dejected resignation.
The universe had won this round.
