1, Pony Princess, that is me
"Anon... Anon..." Light shone down on Anon.
"Is that you Jesus?" Anon asked.
"No, its Morgan Freeman."
Anon gave a sigh of relief. "Thats good, cause i have to delete my internet browser before I die."
Morgan stared, before slapping Anon
Anonymous opened his eyes. 'That was weird' he thought to himself. He closed his eyes, before snapping them open and sitting upright. His head slowly turned to look around the room. It was extremely luxurious. Anonymous got out of bed, landing on all four hooves. He, or rather she, examined her large frame, before staring at her sun cutie marks.
"Right, first things first. Crack a couple eggs and see if these buns can fry them." she said to herself, before walking to the door. She peeked out into the hall, staring at her sister's face. "AH!"
"AH!" Luna repeated, before shaking her head. "Why are we screaming?"
Anonymous shrugged. "Dunno. I dunno, really."
"...Art thou feeling alright?" Luna asked.
'I need to fry them eggs sooo' "Yes, I wouldn't I be?" Anonymous asked.
Luna looked uncertain. "When thou discovered my attraction to women, you seemed... uneasy. We know thou art set in the old ways, but I still cannot help my feelings, no matter how taboo."
"..." Anonymous rubbed her chin. "Go talk to Candace about it. If she tries to set you up on a date straight away, or says anything bout getting you laid- Actually, if she says anything that seemed normal, but weirdly said..." Anonymous frowned. "Basically if she tries making anything that seems like a hint of staying with a women or woman overnight in a really odd manner, just tell me and I'll beat her up."
"You'll what!?" Luna asked in shock.
Anonymous gently grabbed Luna by the chin. "Luna, for the sake of your pride, honer and virginity until after marriage, trust me bro." Anonymous told her. "Now if you excuse me, I am going to go to the kitchens." Anonymous walked down the hall before glancing back. "Well?"
"...Well what?" Luna asked.
"WELL GET GOING!" Anonymous shouted. "HITCH UP THE WAGON AND GET GOING TO CADENCE!" She ran up to Luna and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Good luck!" Anonymous then ran down the hall and out of sight.
Luna stood there. "Wow." She brought her hoof to where Celestia kissed her. "Sister, we did not know you would accept us." A tear of joy rolled down her cheek. She flew swiftly to where her chariot was kept, eager to start her trip.
*
Anonymous looked at her butt as she walked down the halls. "Huh. Most people say it's big, but it's actually rather slim." She walked past a guard, who chuckled.
"Admiring yourself, Princess?" the guard asked in a flirty/cocky tone.
"Not exactly." Anonymous answered. "I think Discord put a glamour on me, because my hips aren't actually that thick. Which means Ima need an oversized hammer."
"... oooookayyyyy theeeen..." The guard slowly backed into a room.
Suddenly, a pineapple beaned Anonymous in the head. She reared her head up, before lifting onto only her back hooves until she was in a weird C arch. "Wot." She straitened out and walked to the window, where a pony with a cart of pineapples was running from a six horned goat. "NOT TODAY, SATAN!" She leaped out the window before remembering something very important. 'Just because I got two big whopping wings and a really long horn don't mean I know how to fly, nor do I know how to levitate.' "MAYDAY WE'RE GOING DOWN!"
The goat looked up, before letting out a panicked roar. It leaped out of the way as a rather slim but large looking butt landed on the ground. "Ow! My badonkadonks!" Anonymous rubbed her chin. "Aren't my banahagaloogas near the badonkadonk, as I am a horse?"
Before she could ponder too much on this, the goat leaped on her back and bit her wings. An odd tingle traveled down Anonymous horse spine. "Oh you charmer." Anonymous said, blinking flirtatiously at the goat. She then smashed her head against the goat, sending it flying off. "Good god in the fluffy clouds of Earth, how did I survive fighting Celestia?" She looked up at the cloud free sky, and smiled as a single drop of rain landed on her face. "Good answer."
The ground shook, and guards were running all about. 'Wait, what did I miss in the last ten seconds?' She turned around and looked at the castle, where a large golden pentagram hung over the sky. "Oh hek." Anonymous ran to a door, heading inside the castle. "Gotta grab the ding dang magic friendship rocks of No-To-Drugs.
"Sister! What is happening!?" Luna asked, running along side Anonymous.
"I was hoping you could tell me."
"Something has entered the throne Chamber." Luna kicked open the doors, and froze. For sitting on the throne was a majestic creature, of unrivaled beauty.
"Wow." The two gave a double take.
"Greetings." the creature said, standing up. I have come here to help."
Jessica entered the throne room. She stopped, amazed by the angelic being.
"Help with what?" Anonymous asked, memorized.
"With everything." The creature's voice boomed with authority and comfort.
Anonymous got an uneasy feeling. "What is the name of our hero?"
"My name is Lucifer, the Leading Light Bearer."
"Oh. HELLLL. NAWW!" Anonymous said. "I ain't fallin for yo tricks devil man!"
Lucifer let out a soft laugh. "I think you have me confused for someone else."
"ANONYMOUS!" Anonymous turned to watch himself enter. "Give me back my... Good me that man is gorgeous."
Discord popped into existence. "WHO DARES BE MORE GOR- Oh hello Satan."
Lucifer frowned. "I thought this world didn't have humans."
"Enough Chit chat get back slapped." Anonymous said.
"Why do you raise your voice?" Lucifer asked. "For I am simply here to help you-" A hoof rammed into his eye. "F*CK! Why did you do that!?" He blinked, and saw the pony goddess was no longer under any of his charm. "Very well, A clash of the Titans it shall be! ACK!" He screamed as Anonymous bit him in the arm.
Lucifer threw off the Goddess of ponies. He summoned a flaming blade of light. "ENOUGH! FOR I WILL-" Anonymous grabbed the blade and threw it aside, before ramming her head against his. She turned around and bucked him with the
muscular legs of a goddess, sending Lucifer into the wall.
"Woo! Go get him girlll!" Discord shouted, snapping his fingers. A cheer leader outfit appear on Jessica and Luna, while one formed on top of Celestia's (who is in Anonymous's body) suit.
Lucifer wrestled Anonymous to the ground. "I could offer you anything you desired! But no, you-"
"Yo Lucifer Mc Buzzleflabberpants! Watch THIS!" Anonymous grabbed Lucifer around the waist, and suplexed him. The ground cracked as Lucifer crumpled. Anonymous tossed the Father of Lies aside. "Honestly, I always imagined you as a goat man. But considering that you are a deceiver, Angel Form kinda makes sense."
"Somepony tell me what the CRAP! is going on." Jessica demanded.
Anonymous and Discord shrugged.
Jessica frowned. "I'm talking about Dad and Princess Celestia."
"Ohhhh..." Discord rubbed his chin. "Well, I did that as a prank, but that's a good thing, seeing as Somehow Anonymous is a better fighter."
"Better wrestler. I know how to fight up real close. That's something the equine race really doesn't do." Anonymous explained. Her eyes snapped wide with a realization. "Wait, dad?"
Jessica coughed. "Let's change the subject."
Anonymous nodded. "Discord, I need two dozen eggs, a spatula, one of those poofy chef hats, and an automatic slapper."
Discord snapped said items into existence. "There you go!" Anonymous set the slapper against Discord. It was snapped away before he could get slapped. "Nice try but-" Anonymous slapped Discord. "... Well done."
"Celestia, Discord put a glamour on yo tush so it would look massive." Anonymous said, pointing at her rump.
"I see that." Celestia said, glaring at Discord. "And I want it removed."
"To be honest though, you do need a little more thickness in the hipness." Anonymous said, scratching her rump. "It be a little too slim."
Celestia opened his mouth to object, before rubbing his chin. "Fair enough."
"Hey, can you swap their bodies back?" Jessica asked.
"Hang on I wanna do something real quick." Anonymous quickly said. She rushed up to Lucifer, grabbed him by the wings, and kneed him in the gut. "Go back to hell, alright?"
***
The mane six teleported into the grand throne room, ready to fight the dark hordes. Twilight frowned, seeing Luna and Anonymous eating fried eggs, with Celestia holding a spatula and a chef hat on her head. On her flank were some eggs. Discord was nearby, with a row of butts of multiple different sizes. And finally, there was a large, handsome, muscular human with wings and a black eye leaving through a portal.
"Nope! Nope nope nope nope..." Applejack took off running, already fearing the insanity. She ran down the hall, only to be dragged back in by Jessica.
"Okay... Somepony tell me what happened here." Twilight said, rubbing her head.
"Well, it all started this morning when I woke up." Anonymous began.
Pinkie pulled out a note book, taking notes and making doodles. Suddenly, her doodles became noodles as Discord slurped them up. "Hey! My pasta pictures!"
"My complements to the artist!" Discord said. "Did you make them with the sauces?"
"Well of course!" Pinkie said in a somewhat offended tone. "If I didn't, how would people know how flavorful it is?!"
THE END!
