My Sweet Apple Family
I guess I’ll start with Pa. Pa is the most toughest, most strongest, most nicest, most bestest, most… shoot, he’s the most EVERYTHING in Equestria, I spose! Pa’s name is Bright Mac. That’s short fer Bright Mcintosh. Granny says he’s named after his granpappy. Pa’s granpappy would be my greatgranpappy. I ain’t never met my greatgranpappy, but if Pa’s named after him, he musta been big and strong too. And sweet. I love Pa with all my heart, Princess.
Then there’s Ma. Her name’s Pear Butter, but Pa calls her Buttercup. He’s real sweet on her and when they hug it makes me feel like a swarm of fireflies are tickling my tummy. Ma’s just as great as Pa. She’s kind and lovin and loyal and she gives the best snuggles. And she puts up with my brother’s stubbornness a hay of a lot better than anypony I’ve ever known could, even Pa. Pa doesn’t get short or nothin, but he grabs his mane and doesn’t know what to do. Ma doesn’t have that problem with my brother. Course, she ain’t got the drop on me yet.
My brother’s name is Big Mac. That’s short fer Big Mcintosh. He’s okay, far as big brothers go. He never lets me forget I’m the little sister though. Sometimes race from the barn to the back orchard, cause that’s where the juiciest apples are. I give him the what for but he usually whoops me no matter how hard I run. He’s bigger so it ain’t fair. I’m sure you understand, Princess. Mac might be a gnat sometimes but he’s one of them gentle giant types and sweet like dad, too. I love him same as I love Ma and Pa.
My granny lives with us too. Her name’s Granny Smith. Real fittin name, Princess, cause she’s Mac and me’s granny now, but even when she was younger her name was Granny, too. I hope that makes sense cause it does fer me. Granny’s got this way of talkin like there’s always somethin to do on the farm and if yer not doin it, you’ll get an earful. And trust me, you will. But she’s real nice at the end of the day when the work’s done. Lots of times we sit around the couch and Granny tells us stories or we look through old photos. I love Granny just like the rest of the family.
Granny used to be married to my granpappy, Plum Stubborn, but granpappy passed away, and Granny says that means we can’t ever meet him. I wish I could because Granny says he was a hot serving of zap apple pie, whatever that means. I don’t think she means he’s a dessert. It’s some grown up thing I spose. Granny never liked other ponies much who weren’t into apples, but granpappy was really stubborn. I guess you could figure that out from his name. And he asked Granny to marry him forty-five times before she said yes. I wonder how many times a stallion’s gonna ask me to marry him before I say yes. I give him a hundred tries, Princess.
Even though I never met granpappy, I love him too. Family is family is family, that’s what Ma says.
I reckon Ma has a ma and a pa of her own. Granny is Pa’s Ma, but I ain’t heard much about Ma’s folks. I don’t think she came outta the dirt, but maybe she did. Granny don’t talk at all about it, and Ma and Pa don’t, neither, except once Ma told me her ma was named Jolly Citrus and that she’s from the Orange family. Guess that means I’m part Orange too, if only a little.
It’s really strange, Princess. We don’t even have pictures of Ma’s folks. Well, wherever Ma’s folks are, if they’re Ma’s folks, it means they’re my granny and granpappy, so I love em, too.
Spose I can’t forget about Apple Bloom. She’s the baby. Ma talks goo goo to her, which I think is annoying, but it makes Apple Bloom laugh and it stops her crying so that’s good. I don’t like hearing my baby sister crying, even if she does it a lot and it wakes me up in the middle of the night. Can’t imagine what it’s like fer Ma and Pa. Apple Bloom sleeps in a basinet in their room. I can make her laugh sometimes when I pull my ears up and stick out my tongue. Pa can’t make her laugh unless he lets her smack him with her rattle. That makes Apple Bloom giggle more than anything the rest of us ever do. She’ll be trouble, that one.
Before I forget, cause I don’t want you thinkin bad of me, I do love Apple Bloom. She’s a cute baby sister. If she could make less stinkers, if you pardon me sayin that, Princess, I wouldn’t mind it none.
Oh, do you mind if I talk about Lorna too? Lorna’s our dog. She’s a mommy just like Ma is, cause she’s got a puppy named Winona. Winona’s real cute and she licks my face until I laugh and fall over. And wouldn’t ya know it Princess, she just keeps lickin even when I fall over. I can barely breath sometimes. I love Winona. Oh, and Lorna. Lorna’s an old girl, Pa says, so she’s not quite spry no more. I think Granny must be an old girl too, since she’s always complainin she ain’t like she used to be. I don’t know much about that, but I like Granny just like she is now.
We got lots of other animals, too, like cows and chickens and such. But I don’t want you falling asleep before you read my letter, so I’ll just say that I love the farm animals just as much as the rest of my family.
I hope that wasn’t boring, Princess, but I wanna make sure you understand who everypony is because I want to talk about what a normal day is like at the farm. This way, even though you’re too busy to visit, you can understand what our family is like. That’s what Family Appreciation Day is all about, right?
I’ll start at the beginning of the day. Johnny the rooster wakes everypony up, crack of dawn, everyday. That’s farm life fer ya, Pa says. I don’t mind none, because Pa comes in and shakes me awake by runnin his hoof through my mane. Makes me feel, yknow, all giddy as a schoolfilly (Ma says that – I hope you know what it means).
Pa’s real gentle, Princess, even though I’ve seen him buck a tree so hard, the roots came outta the ground and everythin! But he ain’t like that with me, Mac, or Ma. Certainly not little Bloom neither. I think sometimes he feels like bein that way with Granny though, but who can blame him fer that.
That last part was a joke, just so ya know.
Anywho, once Pa wakes me and Mac, all of us go down fer breakfast. Let me tell you, Princess, I don’t know what fancy shmancy foods you have fer breakfast up in Canterlot, but my Ma makes the best applecrisp pancakes y’ever seen or tasted. And I’ll take that one to the bank. That’s something Granny says, and I reckon she says it cause she heard Mr. Filthy Rich say it. He comes and buys the zap apple jam every year, plus some other things as well. Real nice stallion.
Ma’s pancakes are so good, it’s like when you put em in your mouth, everything just gets tingly in your mouth and the flavor makes you wanna get up and dance. I did that once and Mac laughed at me, so I don’t do it anymore. But the pancakes are so good that I wanna. It’s one of them conflictory sort of things, if you get my meaning.
Once we all got our food at the table, Ma sits down. Pa sits at the head of the table, then there’s Ma, then beside Ma is me on the one side and Apple Bloom on the other, and across from Ma is Mac. Granny sits at the other end of the table. I guess since Pa sits at the head, Granny is technically sittin at the butt of the table. I don’t think Granny would find that funny, so I don’t ever say it. Sometimes it makes me laugh though.
You won’t tell her I said that, will you?
When we’re all done eatin’, I help Granny with the dishes. We’re a good team, so we get it done lickety-split! Sometimes Ma will do the dishes so I can race Mac to the back orchard. I already told ya how that goes. Gets me a might sore when he wins, but we both grab a nice juicy apple then head back fer chores or go to school, depending on the day.
Most of the time when I finish the dishes with Granny, and it ain’t a school day, I meet Pa out in the front yard. Pa gets goin with feedin the pigs, cause they’re the hungriest in the mornin. Then when I get there he lets me take over. Over in the orchard Mac will practice his apple buckin. He’s been doin it fer a couple years now, cause he’s older than me. I’m just startin to learn. First thing though I gotta feed the animals in the mornin.
Let me tell ya, Princess. Y’aint never seen nothin like pig feedin time. Pa showed me a few years ago. Now it’ll sound weird as rootwheat, but this is the best way to do it.
See, pigs can be right ornery, so you gotta feed em a certain way. Pa’s method he learned from his pa, and his pa learned from his, and well, you probably get what I’m sayin. Anyway, first ya gotta open the gate. Then ya close it. After that ya gotta speak goo goo to the pigs, like Ma talkin to little Bloom. It sounds crazy, but it works, Princess. And then you gotta cluck like one of the chickens. Pa says it’s gotta be done this way. But my favorite part is that you have to tie a rope around your middle and hang over the pen to actually give the pigs their food.
Pa does the tying most of the time, but I’m getting better. Almost tied myself proper yesterday. Today I wasn’t half bad, Pa said, but he still tightened it fer me so I didn’t fall and spook the pigs. Did that once. Took all day to get them piggies to eat!
After the pigs are fed, I move to the chickens. Ya gotta be quiet and sneak up on them. I’m pretty good at feedin the chickens so Pa will go do something else. Usually he works on tilling the corn fields. Most ponies don’t know this, Princess, but we got corn, grapes, and carrots at the farm too. Not just apples! Crazy, huh? And once per year we can harvest something called zap apples, which everypony in Ponyville goes nuts fer. Not sure if you’ve heard of zap apples in Canterlot, Princess, but if you ever wanna try some, you can come to the farm and I’m sure Granny will give you a free sample. I’ll write you a letter when the zap apples come in.
Feedin chickens don’t take too long so I head over to the cow pasture after that. Ma’s there by the time I come around. She swaddles Apple Bloom up and puts her in a sling like a saddlebag. I gotta say, my little baby sister looks too cute fer words when Ma does that. This time of year, we watch the cows as much we can on account of some mangy timberwolves that like to prowl around. They’ll nip the heifers in their backends, Princess, and if that happens you better believe the girls will stampede! Course, Ma and Pa are like superponies, so when they work together, they wrangle them stampeding cattle faster than you could beat a worm at ringtoss.
That’s farm speak fer real quick, Princess.
So after that, I go practice my buckin fer a bit. It ain’t harvest season, so I practice on the same tree until the growin apples come off. Then I move to another. Pa says its fine since there are so many trees, I won’t ever be able to knock enough baby apples to make a difference when its time to harvest. My buck’s not like Pa’s, but I think I could give Mac a run fer his bits! Pa says one day Mac and me will be runnin the farm so we gotta get really good at buckin. But Ma and Pa and Granny’ll be around for a long time, right, so they’ll be able to help. And Apple Bloom once she’s bigger.
Once I’ve got a few hours of buckin in it’s about lunchtime, so I head back to the barn and sure as the rain after a drought, Princess, most of the family is around the dinner table when I get there. Sometimes we all grab a cob of corn and eat on the porch, but usually we’ll have some sandwiches in the kitchen. Granny makes an alfalfa and carrot sandwich so yummy, if you put it on yer head yer tongue would wag right through your noggin trying to get to it.
On the really hot days we all cool off by the well. Granny doesn’t like to waste water, but Ma and Pa will wait til she goes to the other side of the barn and then we’ll have a water fight. It’s real harmless fun, Princess, and when you’ve been workin on the farm in the heat all day, it’s a treat. And any time Mac and I get to spend with Ma and Pa, well, that’s just the best part of the day, really. Apple Bloom loves it when Pa gets his mane soaked. Don’t know what it is about Pa havin nasty things happen to him that that little filly loves so much.
Let’s see…
Now after we eat, around this time of year anyway, I head over to the grape vines and make sure there ain’t no varmints on em. Not just yer pesky squirrels or ferrets, Princess, but you gotta watch fer the grape mites, too. They’re a bit of no thank you, if you catch my drift. But it’s simple enough to use the broom and brush em away. I think they’re kind of cute, but Mac doesn’t like em. I think he’s afraid, if you ask me. Mac’s big boned like Pa but I think he gets scared of stuff like that, and Pa don’t. Least not what I’ve seen.
Keepin an eye on the grapes takes the better part of the afternoon, but usually little Winona keeps me company and helps out. She’s got more energy than a hare in the carrot patch. Lorna ain’t much fer working these days cept keeping Granny company, and that’s a job and a half anyway since Granny talks her old pooch ears off. Lorna can’t hear much of anything anyway. Me and Winona are pals, so it’s fun to chase away the critters. Once a grape mite got his teeth in me. I didn’t cry all that much, I don’t think, but Ma still hugged me tight and sang me a song. Pa was so furious he stomped through the vineyard and chased all the mites away for a week.
I’m done with the grapes around when the sun is close to the tops of the hills. Sunset don’t come yet, but it ain’t far off. And that’s enough of a day’s work right there, at least how your hooves feel. But we don’t quit until the sun sets, and Princess, there’s always something to be done. So after I’m done with the grape vines I go make sure the barn’s clean.
Sometimes Ma is in the barn with Apple Bloom when I go to clean it and we do it together. I love when that happens. Ma has the most beautiful singing voice. Sometimes she sings, and she’ll wait fer me to join in, too. I don’t know if I’m a good singer. Ma would never tell me I’m bad. Apple Bloom smiles real wide when Ma sings, and when I sing, if I mess up and my voice goes funny, she’ll do her cute little baby giggle. Well, it’s funny later on, but right when she does it I get a tad embarrassed and go red in the face.
Shoot, I suppose that’s the whole day. Last thing fer farm work is making sure all the hay that Pa and Mac gathered is in the barn safe and sound. We all work at that at the end of the day as the sunset starts to say peekaboo over the herizan. Think that’s how you spell it (Miss Sunbeam at the schoolhouse will tell me tomorrow… I’ll ask her, Princess).
Puttin away the hay is another time we all get to work as a family. Pa will tell us some stories about when he was younger, and if Granny is around, she’ll put her two bits in about how Pa was more of a hoofful in his colt years than he leads on. Sometimes, though, Granny is inside startin on supper. Other times, Ma will be inside with her startin supper, and sometimes Ma will be inside herself and Granny will be out with us lendin her mouth. She helps with the hay, too.
Supper’s a dream, no matter who is cookin’. When everypony outside’s done with the hay, I help with gettin ready fer supper. Mac helps, too, or sometimes Pa and him stay outside and they spend an extra half hour or so doing who knows what. Ma says Pa and Mac hafta spend some time together when its just the two of em. She says strappin stallions gotta get away sometimes since they’re usually out numbered 2 to 1. I don’t make much sense of that, so I guess it’s a thing with boy ponies.
Granny’s got recipes that could fill a hundred cookbooks, and Ma has learned a ton of em too. I could tell you about a hundred different meals only I don’t want you to toss away my letter so let me just tell you about what we had last night. Last night was corn fritters, hay hash, and collard greens (one of Pa’s cousins runs a vegetable farm somewhere out east, so we got a whole wack of spinach and collards from him). Granny made apple cobbler fer dessert. Boy howdy, was that ever a hoof-licking meal.
Princess, I hope it ain’t presumptual of me to ask, but if you ever wanna come experience the Apple hospitality, I know Granny and Ma would love to cook fer you. It ain’t nothing that comes on a silver platter, but it’s so delicious and it makes you feel right at home. I’m sure you’d love it.
Back to my story. Pa helps Granny with the dishes after supper while Ma rushes us all off fer a bath. Mac can be a bed bug in a wiggle quilt when it comes to bathes, but I don’t mind em myself. I like to see how long I can hold my breath. This is one of the things I’m better at then Mac, and you better believe I let him know it, Princess.
Apple Bloom loves the water. Ma holds her and lets her splash fer a bit. Sometimes Pa comes up to see us, and you can guess that little Bloom gets a kick out of hitting him with a big wave of soapy water. That filly has a hoof on her already.
When we’re all clean and dried off, we go downstairs and, well, I said at the beginning that Granny will tell us stories and such. Most of the time I love hearin them old stories, though other times Granny goes off and off and sometimes I stop listening because she’ll start talkin about some pony she knew fer five minutes back when Ponyville was three buildings and a sign. But that’s okay because just bein around Ma and Pa and everypony else is like Hearth’s Warming every night. I mean, not quite as nice, beggin yer pardon, but a real close second.
Final part of the day is getting up and readying fer bed. By the end of a farm day yer so ready to sleep you don’t even feel yer hooves clamberin up into your sheets. And it don’t take me long to pass off to La La Land, Princess, but I don’t close my eyes right away because Pa and Ma gotta give me their hugs and kisses first.
Ma gives me two kisses, one fer each cheek. Then she rubs her muzzle against mine. Ma always smells sort of like an orange, and I reckon that’s the Orange family in her. It’s real nice, the orange smell.
Next is Pa. Pa gives me one big smooch right in the middle of my forehead, then another on the top of my mane. Then he says, “Night night, cow filly”. Every time. Mac doesn’t think I’m lookin but I watch and Ma and Pa say good night the same way fer him. Course boys will be boys, Ma says, and Mac gets all shy about it if I ask him. So, I just pretend I don’t see it. Granny says good night too.
Anyway Princess, that’s the whole day here at Sweet Apple Acres. I feel like my letter’s been longer than a prize piece of corn and I apologize fer that cause I know yer busy with your Princess-y duties. And I know other little fillies and colts sent you letters, too. But I just got one more thing to write, if you don’t mind readin a little further.
See, Ma and Pa went to do a delivery last week and they haven’t come home yet. And Princess, don’t get worried none, because I ain’t! Mac ain’t neither, at least, I don’t think so. He’s a might quiet though.
The issue is Granny. Every day she’s looking more and more worried, like she’s sick in her stomach. She does this thing where she walks back and forth outside on the porch and I don’t like to see it. Granny ain’t so positive like I am. Well, she worries about the farm, too, so I get it.
Guess what I wanna say is, Miss Princess Celestia, if you can find wherever Ma and Pa are and get em to send a message to Sweet Apple Acres, I think it’d make Granny feel a lot better and then I wouldn’t have to see her lookin so lonesome when she thinks me and Mac ain’t around.
Thanks fer reading the whole letter, Princess. I really appreciate that. And if you want to write yer own letter and send it to me, I will read it. I promise. The whole thing. That’s fair, ain’t it? But if yer too busy I understand.
Truthfully yours,
Applejack
P.S: I wasn’t quite bein honest before and I apologize fer that. I miss Ma and Pa. And I think Mac does as well. Can you send a message fer us from Ma and Pa? Something simple is fine. Just tell them we love em, and if they can say the same thing back, well, I’d be happier than one of the pigs rollin in the mud on a hot day.
