The Great Canterlot Castle Crime

by Rainbowfan45

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 2089

Rainbow Dash is absolutely smitten with Twilight Sparkle. Now to let her know that in a very unforgettable manner!

Rainbow has had a major crush on Twilight for ages, she just wouldn't admit it. When her emotions finally get too overwhelming to ignore or deny, she hatches a plan to capture her crush's heart.

Or rather, steal.

Her plan?

Break into Canterlot Castle of course!

Don't worry, it'll make sense. If she can pull it off.

Published 2021-05-27 19:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-05-27 19:30:01 UTC

It's a Crime, Rainbow

A shadowy figure inched up close to a side wall of the tall, awe inspiring building, a blue nose poking cautiously around the corner and a pair of magenta eyes intensely scanning every inch of the surrounding areas. Her dark outfit would shield her from any potential view.

"Really, Rainbow Dash, I do think that burglar outfit was quite unnecessary. Not to mention it does not really become you."

Rainbow snapped to attention and scowled fiercely at the speaker.

"Rarity, we are on a top secret stealth mission. One that demands patience, perseverance, and a lot of silence. Which means now is not the time for fashion!"

Rarity huffed indignantly. "Darling, there is always time for fashion. And common sense as well."

Rainbow scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

"I think she means ya don't really need that there robber suit." Applejack waved her hoof at her outfit. "It's broad daylight, sugarcube, not the middle of the night."

Rainbow rolled her eyes and flung back the hood of her outfit. "It's the principle of the thing, guys!"

"Ooh, there's principals?! Can I bake them cakes?? Give them ice cream??" Pinkie bounced in place.

Rainbow facehoofed. "Worst. Partners in crime. Ever."

"Oh, um, Rainbow Dash? There's a guard coming." Fluttershy pointed.

"Gah!"

Rainbow dove behind a shrub, and the others shook their heads as they watched the guard. He stalked straight up to them.

"Halt in the name of Celestia!" He ordered. "What are you doing?"

"Hello, don't mind us, darling. We're simply breaking and entering the royal palace." Rarity stated nonchalantly, with a dismissive wave of her hoof. "I don't think we've met. I'm Rarity, Element of Generosity. And these are my friends. Princess Celestia has approved this so called crime to ah, test out security."

The was an audible facehoof from the close by shrub. The guard blinked.

"Oh. Well then. Carry on." He saluted and trotted away.

"Never bringing you on a mission again!" Rainbow huffed, exiting her hideout. "Its a stealth mission, Rarity!! You're not supposed to announce it!"

"Oh I do apologize, Rainbow Dash. Shall I call him back and tell him the truth, and have us all arrested before we even get inside?" Rarity snarked.

"Rarity, Celestia ain't approved of nothin'." Applejack said disapprovingly. "She don't know anythin' about this!"

"Well she has approved. Or rather will, when she hears of our reasons." Rarity returned. "So it is technically a future truth."

Applejack blinked. "Well then."

"Ok, can we get on with this?" Rainbow demanded. "I have a 'steal my crush's heart' plan to attend to!"

"Quite. Though remind me again why breaking into the palace and risking potential arrest and dungeon time was part of this plan?" Rarity cocked an eyebrow.

"Because I want to do something so awesome to make my love known that Twilight will never forget it!"

"Awwww!" Pinkie giggled. "TwiDashie is so cute!"

"Say what now?" Applejack looked confused.

"Never mind! It's Pinkie Pie. Now let's go!" Rainbow growled.

She led the way towards the castle doors, moving with caution, trying to avoid being spotted by the gaurds in front of them. Her friends followed, also attempting to stay out of sight.

"Ok." Rainbow whispered to her fellow burglars. "We need a plan to get past them. Rarity, do you know a knockout spell?"

"Uh, no, darling. That would be beyond my scope of spells. I have never had need to learn one."

"Darn it. Ok then. Fluttershy, what about your Stare?"

Fluttershy's eyes widened. "Oh...oh no, I couldn't! Not to those poor guards! Not when they're not doing anything. That would be mean. And I-I think probably illegal to do to royal guards."

"Fluttershy. We're criminals right now. In the act of commiting a crime. One more won't do much."

"Oh no, Rainbow Dash. I can't." The pegasus shook her head with an air of finality.

Rainbow huffed in exasperation. "Applejack! What if you lassoed them both and bucked them so it knocked 'em out?"

"Consarn it, Rainbow, I ain't knockin' out no royal guards! That'd be plumb stupid. Ain't that assault?"

Rainbow glared. "Then what do you suggest-"

Her words were cut off by the sound of snorting laughter, and they all looked to the guards to discover that Pinkie had served them cupcakes she'd produced from Celestia knows where, and the two stallions were laughing at her jokes.

Pinkie waved and bounded back to her friends. "We can go inside now, in juuuuusssst a second!"

Her eyes locked on the guards, who were still laughing. All at once they slumped into each other and started snoring obnoxiously.

"Okie dokie lokie!"

"...you slipped them knockout drops, didn't you?" Rarity asked drily.

"Yeppers!" Pinkie giggled. "They'll sleep for like, oh, twenty minutes. So come on! Let's go!"

She bounced ahead into the castle while the others followed shaking their heads.

"Well, we're sure gonna have a mighty fine mess of crimes on our heads by the time we're through." Applejack muttered. "What the hay is next, bribin' a palace servant?"

Apparently it was.

"I can't believe you just added bribery to our list!" Rarity stated in horror, scowling at Rainbow after the servant that had spotted them had been paid a few bits and a stack of cupcakes and sent off to happily ignore their presence.

"Oh chillax, did you want your lie outside to go to waste by us getting caught now??" Rainbow growled in annoyance. "Now, Twilight was meeting with the Princesses, sooooo...throne room?"

"Merciful Celestia, no!" Rarity gasped. "Oh, you don't know anything about conducting royal affairs, do you? Honestly, Rainbow Dash! Their meeting would be held in the council chambers."

She trotted into the lead, and Rainbow moved up alongside of her.

"Uh, isn't that kind of the same thing?"

"I am going to pretend I did not hear that, darling."

"Did you hear that?" Fluttershy asked softly from behind them.

"No, darling, I distinctly said I did not hear her-"

"No, not that. Listen."

The group froze, and in the distance could hear the distinct sound of hoofsteps moving their way.

"Uh oh. Everypony, hide!" Rainbow hissed, before jumping behind a massive bronze statue of a royal guard.

Rarity rapidly disappeared behind a set of closed drapes, Applejack dove into a close by room, Fluttershy eeped and flattened herself to the wall in a highly conspicuous place, and Pinkie Pie...actually Pinkie just vanished as if into thin air, leaving zero trace.

Rarity lit her horn, snatching the fear-frozen Fluttershy and whisking her out of sight into the drapes next to her, just in time to avoid being seen by a trip of royal guards that trotted around the corner. The guards trotted casually by, not noticing the fact that a multicolored tail had sprouted over the bronze one of the statue, nor the fact that drapes were suddenly stricken by violently shaking as if from an earthquake, nor the fact that a normally closed door was standing wide open.

Once they had passed out of sight, the band of burglars crept cautiously from hiding, meeting each other in a slightly shaken huddle.

"Oh...oh dear...I-I don't think I'm cut out for a life of crime!" the still trembling Fluttershy managed faintly.

"Oh get a grip!" Rainbow hissed, despite the fact she herself was also shaken by the near capture. "We didn't get caught. Just a little ways more and we'll be- where's Pinkie?"

The others looked around, suddenly aware the hyper mare was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh dear, oh dear." Fluttershy murmured.

"Y-ya don't reckon she got captured?" Applejack asked worriedly.

"Darling, nopony captures Pinkie Pie unless Pinkie Pie wishes to be captured." Rarity quietly asserted. "I'm sure she's quite fine."

"Yeah." Rainbow nodded. "Besides, if anypony had spotted her, there'd be guards crawling everywhere by now."

"Crawling where??"

Pinkie's voice made them all jump and let out varying levels of noisy shock.

"Pinkie, don't do that!" Rainbow groaned. "Are you trying to give us heart attacks?"

"Did you hear something?" A distinctly male voice reached their ears, faint but very clear. "Sounded like yelling."

The burglar team stared at each other as they heard rapid hoofbeats, the same trio of guards coming into view.

"Bucking hay." Rainbow rasped. "RUN!"

They scattered in multiple directions immediately...minus Rarity, who uttered a shriek at having been spotted and gracefully fainted onto the floor.

"HEY! HALT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA AND LUNA!"

With that, the guards gave chase, even calling for backup due to the fact there was "unauthorized potential hostiles" at large in the castle. Rainbow sped down the hallways, determined to avoid capture. She had to get to Twilight! Her love life depended on it!

Her determination was short lived as she raced around a corner and slammed headfirst into the metal breastplate of one of Princess Celestia's personal guards.

"Ow..." she mumbled in a daze as he grabbed her and unceremoniously hauled her down the hall.

Twilight's eye was twitching as she stared down the group of abashed would-be criminals, her expression one of mixed shock, disbelief, and rage.

"YOU BROKE INTO THE CASTLE, YOU LIED TO A ROYAL GAURD, YOU DRUGGED TWO MORE ROYAL GAURDS, AND YOU SOMEHOW MANAGED TO DESTROY MULTIPLE VASES, A WINDOW, AND SIX CHAIRS WHILE RESISTING ARREST. DID I MISS ANYTHING?!"

Luna and Celestia stood watching with something of a mix of amazement and amusement on their features as Twilight unleashed her fury at her friends.

"Uh, well, there was a good reason I thought this up." Rainbow offered.

"Oh I should have known it would be your idea!" Twilight snapped, eye twitching again.

She pushed her snout directly against Rainbow's, eyes boring a hole straight through her. Rainbow didn't even flinch. Inhaling deeply, Twilight spoke in a lower but dangerously icy tone.

"Why was it necessary to break into this castle, Rainbow?"

"Uh, well, because I needed to get to something very valuable!"

Another eye twitch.

"What was so Celestia-darned valuable that it was worth breaking into a castle, drugging guards, and risking a possible decade in the dungeons for?!"

"You."

The others in the room held their breaths, watching with curiosity how Twilight would react. Celestia and Luna blinked, and then smirked knowingly at each other.

Twilight blinked, rage forgotten in her confusion.

"...what?"

"You. I had to break in because I had to do something super awesome, so awesome you would never be able to forget the day I...told you that I love you."

Twilight's jaw dropped as she stared at her in shock. "Wh-what?"

Closing the distance between them, Rainbow leaned towards her.

"I love you, Twilight Sparkle. Completely, deeply, madly love you. And if you share that, and if you'll have me, I would love to be your marefriend."

Twilight turned several shades of red, her mouth moving as she struggled to form a comprehensive answer. The others waited with baited breath, but she couldn't even speak. Rainbow's gaze was locked into hers, a smile on her face.

"Well come on, darling, don't keep her waiting!" Rarity exclaimed, only to have Applejack cover her mouth and hush her.

"I broke in to steal your heart." Rainbow quietly stated.

That did it.

Twilight smiled slightly. "Oh Rainbow Dash."

She flung her forelegs around her and hugged her tightly. Rainbow reciprocated, even though public displays of affection were not entirely up her alley.

"You are a wonderful mare, Rainbow. And if I'm being honest...I...love you too. I have for awhile now."

"Really?!" Rainbow exclaimed in joy.

"Yes." Twilight pulled back to look in her eyes. "And I will absolutely have you as a marefriend. With all of the heart that you successfully stole."

Rainbow let out a cheer amid applause from their friends, before promptly kissing Twilight fully on the lips, unable to stop the snort that came out when her new marefriend turned another shade of red.

"This was the best crime ever!" Pinkie cried, dramatically crying an ocean of tears.

"Oh yeah, about that." Rainbow turned to the princesses. "Uh, sorry for breaking in and drugging your guards, and well, yeah."

"Think nothing of it." Celestia returned. "Since it was all done for love I do believe we can let it slide, wouldn't you say, Lulu?"

"I believe we can, yes, sister." Luna answered in amusement.

"However, please be nicer towards the guards next time." Celestia grinned.

The entire group was released, and walked out of the castle with the smiling new couple in the lead.