Pain in the Flank

by Seanessy

Rating: mature
Tags: Rarity, Sex, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2609

Rarity and Applejack are stuck together

In an attempt to sprinkle a sufficient sum of succulent spice in their sex life, Applejack and Rarity end up placing their plots in very unpleasant and amusing position.
Disclaimer: This is NOT a "clopfic". However, sex IS implied given the situation.

Published 2012-09-06 16:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-06 16:04:01 UTC

A Strongly Bonded Love

Second Disclaimer: Thank you so much for being open-minded to what seems like a very sketchy idea. Trust me, sex is mainly implied, so don't worry about getting the beautifully descriptive and raunchy sexual sentences. I just wanted to conjure up something light and funny. First comedic MLP fanfic ever, so please, CONSTRUCTIVE feedback (as well as "OMG I LOVED THIS") is appreciated!

“Darling, what do you mean… stuck?” the white unicorn said; her breathing slowly coming down from short rapid pants as she wiggled her hind parts.

“Ah…Ah can’t rightly put my hoof on it Rare, but yeah…I think we’re… stuck together.”

The two mares slowly stood up together. Applejack leaned forward, flexing her inner muscles in attempt to loosen the lengthy toy that connected the two lover’s rear ends. However, instead of an easy slide out of her bum, she felt a tight yanking sensation against her insides that provoked a slight squirm.

“Applejack, this…this isn’t right. How did we get… you did lube up BOTH sides of it didn't you?”

“O’course Ah did! Ah ain’t stupid!”

Rarity opened her mouth for a second then curled her lips to one side. She had the perfectly precise retort ready to tango off her tongue but, given the situation, she thought it best to hold her insults until their flanks were free from this folly of failed fornication. Instead, she cleared her throat and masked her concern behind an optimistic vocal inflection.

“Well, it is our first time trying this, maybe we’re both just a little nervous. Let’s just, calm down and allow our muscles to fully relax.”

“Right, good thinkin’ sugarcube.”

The two mares stood stationary, unable to face each other for obvious reasons. Applejack allowed her head to sway back and forth to the tune she hummed while Rarity frantically tapped the ground and took deep staggered breaths. She would occasionally give her rump a slight jiggle, to see if the offending object would wiggle, but each small shake simply seemed superfluous. The item that bonded their bums wouldn’t budge one bit.

“I can’t take this! I’m not even…” Rarity turned her head to Applejack then bit her lower lip. Although Applejack was her lover, she still felt the need to vocalize her opinions in a fastidious vernacular.

“Horny?” Applejack said as she beamed a smug smile at the unicorn who turned her head away swiftly but not before her whole face flushed even redder than the apples on the earth pony’s flank. If there was one thing Applejack enjoyed doing, it was basking in, and poking fun at, the rejection Rarity had for her “un-lady like” side, “Ah mean… turned on? Heh, me neither, sugarcube.”

Rarity cleared her throat loudly, as if to disassociate herself from such talk as she would do when one would bring up an uncomfortable topic at a dinner party. Her eyes examined the left and the right of her surroundings, assuring no living creature would ever be able to identify her next sentence. She lowered her head and let out a whisper.

“Yes, and if neither of us are… aroused… why are we still… still…”

“Butt buddies?”

“APPLEJACK!” Rarity screeched through gritted teeth, turning her head swiftly and staring daggers at her much like Fluttershy would to force compliance from a misbehaving animal.

Applejack couldn’t help but laugh at the unicorn’s embarrassment. “Relax sugarcube, ain’t nopony around for miles. Ya got that sign up on yer door that said ya ain’t takin’ no orders today, so we ain’t gon be seen like this.”

“Still, you don’t have to be so vulgar! We are not… what you said… we are simply… attached to the flank.”

“That’s what Ah said, butt buddies.”

A low growl emitted from Rarity’s throat as a chuckle emanated from Applejack’s. The unicorn stamped a hoof and rolled her eyes at the earth pony’s shameless sanguinity.

“How can you possibly make jokes at a time like this?”

“Cause hun, yer getting’ all worked up for nothin’. If we stay calm, we’ll be separated in no time.”

Minutes continued to pass, both mares gave slight tugs every few seconds or so to see either’s caboose would be loose. Rarity began to whimper, drooping her shoulders as hopelessness started to overwhelm her. The unsettling feeling soon creeped its way into Applejack which caused her to scratch her head. Despite something like this being their first time, she knew something had to be off. Surely the doggone dildo would’ve dangled its way out of one of them by now. She decided it was best to vocalize her concerns with the worrisome unicorn who expressed her qualms earlier.

“I… I don’t rightly get it, sugarcube. We did everythin’ right didn’t we? I put the sticky stuff on both sides of the danged thing, and then we both put it in our b–”

Rarity perked up. “Sticky… stuff?”

Applejack sighed and rolled her eyes. “Excuse me, Ms. Fussy Flank… the lubricant… and−”

“Applejack…” Rarity said as calm as she could, her heart suddenly pounding faster than twenty thousand seizing colts at a rodeo, “Please let me see the bottle of lubricant you bought.”

Applejack kicked the nearby bottle behind her and it slid in front of the unicorn, allowing her to read the label. Rarity permitted herself a small sigh before letting her eyes fall onto the brightly printed lettering on the bottle.

“Marty’s Marvelous Mare Mu− APPLEJACK!!!!”

“What?! What’s wrong now?!

“You bought mucilage!!!”

“Um…ok?”

“You were supposed to buy LUBRICANT!”

“Ain’t it all the same thing?”

“NO! NO IT IS NOT!”

Rarity bit her bottom lip so hard that she swore if she didn’t calm down soon, her top teeth would hit her chin. She wanted to slap the earth pony, but given their “tie” to each other, such an attack would be nearly impossible and bring a plentiful amount of pointless pain to the persnickety unicorn’s lady like plot. Shaking with fury, she did her best to gently kick the bottle back to her friend. “READ IT!”

“Marty’s Marvelous Mare Mucilage.” Applejack started. Her eyes then fell upon the smaller words just below the product name, “The number one super strong adhesive… for making stuff stick.”

Those last few words danced off of Applejack’s lips slowly, as her brain put the pieces together after noticing the word “adhesive”. She felt chills run up her spine and her legs suddenly became wobbly. Without any forewarning she sprinted towards the door, dragging the unicorn with her.

“Owowowowowowowow Applejack stop!”

Rarity planted her hooves on the ground firmly causing Applejack to jerk forward then, fall onto her stomach.

“Yeowch! That smarts!” the earth pony yelled, standing up swiftly while clenching her flank muscles to ease the violating sharp tugging pain that ran through her behind.

“You can’t just start running like a mad horse without warning! It hurts! Where in Equestria did you think you were going anyway?”

Applejack leaned forward gently, gesturing Rarity to move with her. “We needa get to a doctor!”

“Not in this condition we’re not!”

“Whaddaya mean?!”

“If you think, that for one second, I’m going to walk around Ponyille with this… thing… hanging out of me and you attached to it yo−“

“Can’t y’all put away yer prissy pride for a second? How else are we gonna undo what we done did?”

“Correction. YOU did it. And we’ll just have to think of something.”

“Like what?”

“Well, I don’t know, it’s your fault, why don’t you throw out some brilliant ideas?”

“Seein’ a doggone doctor!”

“Preferably ones that DON’T tarnish my reputation.”

“Is that all y’all ever think about?!”

“At least I do think! I’m not like SOMEPONY who is too stupid to decipher the difference between lubricant and mucilage!”

Applejack gritted her teeth. Anytime they did have an argument, it always came back around to the earth pony being stupid. Granted, she wasn’t as intellectual as Twilight, and sometimes didn’t think things all the way through, but stupid was over the top. This happened so frequently that Applejack hated the use of the word “stupid” in any context, even if it wasn’t directed towards her. Usually she would brush it off, but at this particular moment, when the smart thing to do would be to see a doctor, Rarity wanted to be the persnickety priss she was, and only think about how SHE would look if anypony were to see them and that did not settle well with earth pony.

“Rarity, hun, now REALLY ain’t the time.”

“Oh, am I hurting your STUPID feelings?

“Stop it, sugarcube…”

“Why? Is the STUPID earth pony becoming aware of how STUPID her decision was to buy STUPID glue instead of lubricant and now, as a result of her STUPIDITY, we’re now stuck in this STUPID situation looking completely STUPID?!”

Applejack grunted loudly and dropped the front half of her body to the ground, raising her lower half and her attached lover in the air while balancing on her forelegs. Rarity squealed as the object’s sudden upward force stretched her hind parts pulling her off the ground. She kicked her legs frantically as she levitated in mid-air.

“Eeeeaaahaaaaa! Applejack! What in Celestia’s name are you doing!?”

“How bout I just buck us apart?”

Rarity turned her head to the petrifying glare in her lover’s emerald eyes. She couldn’t be serious.

“Applejack, darling, surely you jest.”

“Eeeeeenope...”

“You would seriously injure both of us, you are aware of that right?”

“But if goin’ to the doctor is the STUPID thing to do, then this here has to be the only SMART solution.”

Rarity swallowed hard as sweat trickled down her face. As much as she hated being outsmarted by the earth pony, she was not planning to call her bluff in this particular situation. She had no doubt that one of Applejack’s legendary firm kicks would separate them, but she would rather take the emotional pain of endless humiliation over severe rectal trauma any day. She let out a low sigh.

“Applejack?”

“Yeah?” the earth pony retorted, her forelegs still stiff as bricks as she balanced the both of them.

“Perhaps, I was a bit hasty with the use of the word “stupid”.”

“Uh huh?” Applejack said, starting to lower the unicorn.

“And while it’s often trueooooohaaaaaahhhaahhaaa!” Rarity squealed as Applejack lifted her a again, only this time a bit higher, “I mean, what I meant to say is… I’m sorry!”

Rarity smiled as her hooves once again touched the ground. Applejack snorted to herself and began to walk. She yelped as Rarity stood still causing the glued rubber toy pull against her insides.

“What is it now?” Applejack asked without facing the unicorn.

“I…I just... Applejack…”

Rarity whimpered at the thought of all the ponies in Ponyville laughing at the two mares as they coordinated their steps across town. Tears began to build up behind her eyes and she bit her lip, cursing herself mentally for allowing such triviality to be the primary concern vs. the two ponies’ well-being. She knew they needed help, but the embarrassment of being seen like this was social suicide.

Applejack sighed as a slight compassionate smile crept onto her face. Even though she couldn’t physically see the tears building up in Rarity’s eyes, she knew they were present. As urgent as the situation was, she didn’t mind compromising with the over emotional unicorn. Applejack could personally live with a few months of laughter and ridicule, but subjecting Rarity to the same would prove destructive in more ways than one and the earth pony cared too much for her to do that.

“Don’t cry hun, maybe we can think of a way to make ourselves seem less… funny lookin’.”

Rarity sniffled and wiped her oncoming tears away. She loved that even when she was being a complete prude, the country mare still remained selfless and considerate.

“Thank you. I know I can be difficult but… well, you’re always there for me when I need you most and considerate of my feelings even when I don't deserve it. And honestly..." Rarity turned her head to her friend, "...that means the world to me, Applejack.”

Applejack’s cheeks flushed red and she chuckled. Even though the unicorn was able to precisely pinch every single nerve in her body and frustrate her, just as quickly she always found a way to make her smile. She turned her head to gaze into the unicorn's beautiful azure eyes. The sincerity in them forcing a toothy grin that Applejack did her best to hide.

“Well, Ah guess yer just lucky that ya mean so much to me, huh?”

“I’m sorry I called you stupid. You know I don’t really mean it when I say that to you.”

“It ain’t nothin’. It hardly bothers me no ways!” Applejack lied proudly, turning away and puffing out her chest as she spoke.

Rarity giggled at her friend. “Is that why you were about to disembowel us both?”

“Whoa nelly, did the LADY just say disembowel without stuttering, stammering or blushing redder than a freshly ripened apple?”

Rarity’s cheeks automatically flushed red at her lover’s comment. She turned away and covered her face with one hoof.

“Aw wait, there it is!”

“You can’t even see my face!”

“I can hear it when you blush, sugarcube.”

“Oh, hush you!”

The two mares shared a hearty laugh. Suddenly, their behind blunder didn’t seem so bad. It was an awkward and embarrassing situation indeed, but they knew that with a little tenacity and tolerance, they would tug the teal toy right out of their tushies. Applejack turned her head to the white equine.

“Rarity?”

“Yes, darling?” Rarity said, meeting her friend’s gaze.

“I love you, sugarcube…”

“I love you too…Butt Buddy.”

The two ponies engaged in another fit of laughter until a loud gasp filled the room, followed by a deafening silence. Applejack and Rarity gulped simultaneously before meeting the glance of a befuddled Fluttershy who could only stare at them, eyes and mouth wide open. Tension suddenly washed over the entire room as the three ponies all hesitated to speak. The silence was broken by Rainbow Dash, who flew in after impatiently waiting for the yellow pegasus' return.

“Fluttershy, did you see if Applejack and Rarity wanna come play b-?”

Rainbow’s wings speed decreased as she lowered to the ground, staring at her two friends who were connected by the hind parts. Dash sooned joined the group in dead silence.

Rarity’s horn glowed and she took a long sheet of fabric that covered her and Applejack from neck to neck, masking their less than presentable posteriors. She turned her head back to Applejack.

“To the doctor?”

“Giddy up!”

The two mares wobbled and hobbled as they established a walking system, emitting several “ooh’s”, “ow’s”, “ah’s” and “eep’s”. They strolled right past the two Pegasi and out the front door. Rarity leading the way and Applejack brining up the rear, beaming an innocent smile to anypony who might give them a double take.

After a couple more minutes of painstaking silence, Rainbow Dash cleared her throat and turned to Fluttershy.

“So Fluttershy, you game?”

The yellow pony’s eyes flared with terror and she backed away from her friend.

“NO!” she screamed as she leaped into the air. She sped out the door and into the sky faster than Dash had ever seen any pegasus fly other than herself.

“No, I meant…ugh, forget it…” Rainbow Dash said as she held up the ball she had been holding the entire time. She cast it aside and left Rarity’s Boutique, closing the door on her way out.

END<------->END