Fallout Equestria: New Horizons

Lacunae and Rampage: The audacity of this bitch

By Numbername

“bitch, you think you can come in here and run me! IN MY FUCKING HOUSE!”

“Why would I want to run a whore house like this when a hoe like you does a good job at that already.”

At that the two mares rushed each other, shouting swears while pulling hair.

“Get that bitches ass Sweet Tea. Buck her in the cunt!” Rampage clapped her forehooves together like a filly getting her favorite toy. “Never let that bitch get away with that type of smack talk!”

“Leave it to Mares in Rainbow hills to put Zebras in the hood to shame.” Lacunae floated her wine over for another sip, the alicorn chuckling a bit at the display on the screen. “Out of all the things we watched, this is the most trashy yet close to home for me. Only a Canterlot mare could make a pony from the literal ghetto look reasonable.”

Rampage huffed at that. “Oh god, the Rich Bitches I’ve met in the Wasteland are something else, Luu Luu. ‘Oh, I didn't know a Zony could exist, your mother must have been very loose' like what Bitch!” Rampage’s mocking got Lacunae to cough up her drink a bit. “But no Rich Bitch compares to the audacity of Homeland Zebras. Luu Luu, they're the most ignorant, stuck-up, bitches I’ve met.”

“Oh, I believe that. They're like a mix of annoying tourists, religious zealots,and high society all in one.” The Zebra homelands had suffered like much of the world when the bombs dropped. Unlike the rest of the world their suffering was more societal collapse rather than the utter destruction Equestria suffered. Losing their capital with most of their leadership, Zebras devolved back into warring tribes that fought with each other over what remained, society still existed, it just became warlords and city-states destroying what's left. Zebras still had a functioning society enough for some to travel. And when Zebras from the homeland heard there was a large community of Zebras living in the Equestrian Wasteland, some sailed to meet their distant cousins. Only to be hit with the cultural difference of the Equestrian Zebras and looking down on them for it. “I remember you opened a stand down by the dock, what shade of racism did you get? Hateful, stuck up, or fearful?"

Rampage shook her head. “Oh Luu Luu, all of them, ALL OF THEM. Sometimes all at once! ‘Aw, you don’t speak Zebra properly. you don’t practice shamanism right. Your potion brew is not to Zebra standards. What? your a ZONY! Your tribe allows such things!’' Rampage put on the mocking tone again. Lacunae could barely hide her chuckling as she drank her wine. “Like what the fuck?! Oh, and the type of racism varies from tribe to tribe. I’ve everything from a Propoli telling me my stand was an insult to Zebra architecture, to a Mendi telling me my potions anger the fucking spirits! Oh, oh Luu but the worst was the dark edgelords.

“Had a run-in with Starkatteri?” Lacunae knew the answer, and she knew how just speaking to one of them was like listening to a preteen rant.

“Luu Luu, every time I deal with a member of that tribe I feel like I’m about to punch a bitch.” The amount of contempt that radiated from Rampage’s voice was enough to poison a room. “Mother fuckers use a little dark magic and talk with evil spirits and they think their evil wizards from a fucking comic book.” Rampage looked at Lacunae with the most earnest expression. “Luu did I ever tell you about the time I almost had a Zeb moment at my store.”

The alicorn shook her head, clearly, she had been out of town when this happened. “Oh my, I never heard about this, Sekashi must have kept it from me.”

“Oh, I didn’t even tell Sekashi about this. I didn’t want her, Maria, or you to hear about me nearly acting a fool. It wasn’t at the docks though it was in Chapel, I was just setting up the storefront for the day when the bitch trotted in.” Rampage hopped off the couch onto her hind legs as she used her forehooves to tell the story. “She wore a black clock, like all the Starkatteri do because they think they're scaring some pony, but I could see the star striped pattern under it. I say to myself ‘don’t judge her Arloste. She’s a traveler like anybody else that comes to Chapel. If she made it out this far she has to be humble a bit.’ Oh Lacunae how fucking wrong I was.” Rampage said those last words slow and meaningful. “I got behind the counter and watched as she looked around the store, after a minute I asked ‘You need anything, miss?’ She just gave me the meanest stink eye. I shrugged that off, you know it was early in the morning and some people were grumpy, so I ignored it. She kept browsing for a few minutes until I heard her say ‘this garbage potion brewing, these talismans look like they were made by a foal. Zebras here have no culture.’ I didn’t let that bother me, every Zebra in the Wasteland gets that. I kept my opinion about her hair cut of hers to myself and let her pick up a few things.”

And then Rampage clapped her hooves together. “The zenith of that meeting was the checkout argument, Luu. She trots up to the counter with a few potions and a fighting talisman, I ring her up, then said ‘That will be 50 caps miss.’ She looked at me like I had grown six heads, she didn’t say anything for a whole two minutes as we just stared at each other.”

“She didn’t have money huh?” Lacunae guessed the zebra was from the homeland and probably lacked caps.

“No, I saw her pack of caps on her hind. She just expected to get free stuff from me.”

“Oh, I see. She probably thought since you were a Zony you would probably think she was cursed or could curse you by denying her service. Starkatteri loved to throw those curse threats around.” The Alicorn had witnessed the fear the Star tribe had in their homelands. Zebras feared them so much that the tribe basically could do whatever it wanted.

“And I was having none of that shit Luu.” Rampage nodded as she emphasized every word. “I said to her again 50 caps, please. She finally spoke saying ‘surely you know what I am?’ I shook my head at her question, ‘then you know that to deny Starkatteri items is to bring a curse upon yourself. My reply was ‘you can curse yourself out the front door.’ She was confused so she said ‘Maybe you misunderstood, I require supplies for my travels, you will listen or my curse will be wrathful.’ And so I finally said ‘Lady, if you don’t get your edgy trashy hobo-looking ass out now I will smack you so hard your stripes will fly off and become real stars.’ She was completely lost for words at that, don’t think that bitch had ever been told off before.”

Lacunae, eating the entire story up, poured herself another glass as she eagerly listened. “Oh, I can feel the Zeb moment from this.”

Rampage laughed a bit, it was good having a pony friend who she shared Zebraism with. “Oh it built up, we went back and forth with me telling her just to leave until she finally said ‘Who are you to disrespect me you fucking inbred hybrid race traitor.’ Luu, I was about to hop over the counter and drop this bitch.”

Lacunae raising a smirking eye at that. “Did the ass whipping ensue?”

Rampage let out the biggest groan of disappointment. “No. The only thing, THE ONLY THING stopping me was I didn’t want my daughter to see me beating the shit out of a fool. All this happened when Hope was ten, and I wanted to be a good role model. I didn’t want my little filly coming home from school to see me beating up a mare in the middle of town like we’re Zebras in Hood Wasteland edition. cuz I was going to drag her into the road, I didn’t want my shop getting bang-up.” The striped mare looked at her friend, a bit of shame in her words. “Also I didn’t want you, Maria, Sekashi, or my husband hearing or seeing me being Wasteland trash again. So I just trotted from behind the counter, grabbed her, she tried to fight against me but once she felt that grip strength she knew it was pointless and dumped her out on the street. She gave me the meanest evil eye but knew from the grab alone not to start shit.”

Lacunae floated her glass onto a table sitting in between the couch and TV. She found it amusing that for her friend’s vulgarness the striped mare tried to be an upstanding person in the eyes of her family and friends. She was more a proper mare than most in the Wasteland. “Don’t look down on yourself, Arloste. You are a fine mare in this blasted hellscape we call a Wasteland. Especially compared to me.”

That got a ‘what’ from the striped mare. “Whereas your life becomes an episode of Zebras in the Hood, my life before taking on this wonderful form before you was nothing but Mares in Rainbow Falls, but more violent.”

Rampage gave her friend the most disbelieving look ever. “Luu Luu I’ve been around you for 38 years and have never seen you whip anyone’s ass in public outside real fights. Hell I haven’t even seen you get violently angry with someone outside like Celestia worshipers and Blackjack.”

“Remember what I said early about Canterlot Mares?” The striped mare nodded. “My everyday experience living in Canterlot and being a student to the princess was being exposed to high society, and all the trash in it.”

Rampage perked up as she sat back down on the couch, hanging onto every word. “Tell me more Luu Luu.”

Like a good gossiper, Lacunae obliged. “Now I’ve told you about the finer Canterlot trash.”

“The bitch who cucked her husband with every servant is my favorite.” Rampage smiled like a foal at that.

“Yes, but all those stories had one thing in common. I was never the center of them. I was always just a watcher staring at other ponies ruining their lives. I tried to keep my distance away from the drama of Canterlot but when it found me I ended it with the quickness.” Sometimes permanently depending on how vile the situation got, but the Alicorn kept that to herself. “I dealt with everything from mares trying to get me into their open relationship to bucks trying to marry me to get closer to Luna. And every time I gave the look of ‘I’m Luna’s student, do not mess with me or else.’ But sometimes that wasn’t enough, sometimes a high-class pony needed a high-class beating.”

The Zony was a little taken aback by the level of vile she heard in the Alicorn’s voice. Lacunae got angry, she yelled every once in a while, but this sounded like anger filled with poison hate. “There were many cases where I let my less than civilized side out. But there was one case that really stuck in my mind.” Using her magic, Lacunae poured herself another glass of wine as relief for dragging these memories up “One day your mother decided to take a tour of Canterlot Castle along with baby you, I decided to accompany her since I knew the ins and outs of the Castle more than any tour guide. Also because it was the height of the war with the Zebras meaning she wasn’t allowed to take any tour, but being the heir of Luna allows me to bend the rules a bit.

“The tour was going well except for the evil eyes every castle guard, servant, and castle staff was giving us. But your mother long since learned not to care, she focused on the good in life not the bad, also she could beat their asses if she wanted too so she took pride in that.” That got a laugh out of the striped mare which Lacunae smiled at. “I decided since we were in Canterlot I would show your mother and little you the princesses since your mother looked up to Celestia so much, that was when on our way to the throne that a certain mare guard stopped us.” Lacunae gulped down a fair bit of the wine as the memories came flooding back.

“Now this mare was clearly not your average royal guard. She was a captain with the decor to spell it out for you, I could also tell she was a noble by the fancy armor and family crest. She gave your mother the same evil eye every pony else did but didn’t ignore us, after a minute she spoke to us ‘what are stripes doing here?’ I tried to speak but your mother spoke up first ‘Oh me and my ball of love want to see great Celestia. We're loving the castle so far.’ She was violently cut off by the bitch yelling at her ‘I didn’t ask you stripe!’ that bitch pointed a spear at your mother, I stepped in to explain to her ‘She’s here on my supervision.’ The bitch looked at me like I had broken every rule she could possibly think of. ‘Stripes are not to be allowed on Castle grounds! Your endangering the princesses!’ She then started listing off protocol going over every rule about ‘stripe travel.’ and how your mother needed to be watched at all times. Finally, I just said ‘I am the faithful student of Luna herself, if I trust some pony you will too. That is not a request, that is a fucking order.’” The anger was building in Lacunae as she recalled every word for that day, no matter how much she had become at peace with herself some things still set her off.

“She took the hit, bowed, and let us pass to the throne room. But just as we were about to pass she tried to trip me but your mother got in the way, and she nearly fell on you Rampage. She saved herself at the last minute by balancing on one hoof. I had to magically lift you out of your carriage to make sure you were alright. All while that bitch gave a ‘Zebras have light feet: comment. I stared at her with murder on my mind. I knew what she needed, but your mother quickly step between us and gave me a look saying ‘it’s not worth it.’ So we continue the tour but I wasn’t going to let that mare off, oh no she needed to be reminded of her place.”

“I needed permission first. So after the tour, I approached the only mare who could give it, Princess Luna herself. I told her of the accident, how the mare treated your mother, how she disrespected me, and how she struck your mother. Luna understood and gave permission to seek retribution. You see Luna had very ‘medieval’ views on the world, being banished for a thousand years does that, back in her time's such disrespect only is met with rightful payment. A dual.”

Lacunae took one last gulp of her drink before floating the glass onto the table. Her nerves calmed as the liquor did its job. “I waited until the guards changed shift to confront her, she would have been changing in the locker room with the other mares in the Royal Guard then, it was the perfect time to destroy her. I found her talking with others of her rank about the ‘filthy Zebra and her half-breed daughter.’ She called me the princess’s pet, saying ‘she would wipe that murderous expression off my face.’ So I said I would take that challenge. I stood there in front of dozens of Royal Guard mares demanding satisfaction for the wrong she showed your mother and you. She refused me, said a princess toy like me wasn’t worth her time. That’s when Luna appeared behind me, all fell on her as she spoke. ‘You have insulted my student and her guest in my Castle, you will either fight my student and end this wrong or you shall be banished from the guard for insulting me.’ She had no choice but to obey.”

Rampage saw something on Lacunae she had only seen from raiders, a smile of sadistic pleasure. “We fought with no weapons, no gear, no magic, simple hoof to hoof. Like in the old times, she sized me up as a threat, I looked her over for the places that would cause the most pain. She wanted to beat me, I wanted to break her. Our fight wasn’t long, it wasn’t flashy, it was quick and brutal. It wasn’t much of a fight for when it was over she lay broken and bleeding against a locker, her left hindleg snapped, while I stood untouched covered in her blood. She wasn’t dead but from what I heard she needed care for a week. Luna didn’t criticize me for my brutality, unlike her sister she understood that I needed to write that wrong and this was the only way. After that none of the guards would dare make eye contact with either me or your mother when we toured the castle.”

Lacunae looked with a longing expression, moving in closer to the striped mare she placed both her forehooves on her shoulders as she stared deeply into the Zony's eyes. “Do not look down on yourself, Arloste. You are a fine mare who carries herself more than most ponies do in this whole blasted Wasteland. The fact you reframed from harming that Zebra all to be a good mother figure would make your own mother shed a tear, her daughter is a proper mare.” Lacunae spoke every word earnestly. “You're a better mare than me Rampage and I mean that.”

The Zony didn’t know how to respond. It was probably the highest compliment she had gotten. “Thank..thank you Luu Luu. That means a lot.” The striped mare hid the mist that was building in her eyes. “I don’t think you're bad either Luu Luu, you just wanted to protect my mom. Yeah, your a little violent but that just means you care about the people around you.”

The Alicorn gave the warmest smile as she embraced her friend. “Always looking to cheer me up. Thank you Arloste.”

They broke off their embrace as Rampage pointed with renewed valor. “If you need to feel good about yourself Luu Luu there’s 200 more episodes of trash rich bitches punching each other to make you look reasonable.”

Lacunae nayed at that. “Can’t argue with that. I may not be a proper mare but at least I’m not them.”

The two resumed their TV watching, cheering the trashy mares fighting.

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