The view that makes up the landscape of the tiny town of Ponyville is as beautiful as Celestia's sun basking over it. Grass as far as the eyes Fluttershy can see... every single blade a brightly shade of green. Or at the very least, that's the way she knows it... or she 'thinks' she knows. How many times have ponies aside from her have said it?
What is this place filled with so many wonders?
There is a time when a pony like Fluttershy knows the answer to this question, like a melody playing a beat pure and true. Except for this time… she does not hear the melody anymore. All the wonders Fluttershy can remember so well, they should still be that way. But this… this is as wondrous as any wonder can be.
The grass she steps upon, tickling the frogs sometimes. The field is a maze to these creatures, with stalks a hundred feet tall, a dense forest of grass blades winding down endless corridors. She watches them as they find little patches where the grass does not grow, well-trodden patches, and above all… brown.
Do they help them navigate?
To them, they must be landmarks, perhaps. Something to remember. She can see they are almost there, drawing closer—no, they are taking a different path. Pheromone trail… She knows this one.
How much do you use it? Fluttershy asks. So many competing smells here. The loaves at the bakery are strong today, fresh out of the oven. I shouldn’t get them for the birds, though. Feed is far more nutritious; millet works, too. I can make something for the rest of the menagerie; they like sprouted grain more.
As Fluttershy’s mind wanders, she turns her gaze aside. Her eyes widen at the sight.
Ants. Good, hard-working creatures. They march atop a half-finished daffodil and daisy sandwich. She can’t call it littering so long as Equestria’s tiniest creatures can make use of it, and they most certainly are. They carry small little crumbs, one ant at a time, transporting it back to their queen like a locomotive going both directions, lifting so much for their size.
How good they are working tirelessly, Fluttershy marvels. Just to bring food back to their home…
She can’t help but wonder what these little guys must be thinking now…
<>
“No, I don’t… I can’t. I don’t want to, that’s all!”
“HIDE!”
“Mane! Mane! It will hurt you. Some pony wants you! Some pony wants you. Some pony…”
<>
“What is…” Fluttershy’s eyes snap open. “No, no, no! Breathe! Just stop… breathe…”
This is Ponyville, Fluttershy reminds herself. True, it’s loud, and some ponies are not very nice. Sometimes, Fluttershy recalls approaching somepony and wanting to say something in response to… well, whatever they say. Some simply ask her, “Are you okay?”. At least they are nice enough to do so.
“I’m fine,” Fluttershy tells herself. “I was just… just looking at that tiny triangle of dirt in the middle of the market.”
Fluttershy frowns at that thought. She thinks that any pony can see she’s weird, especially if they are “thinking” it. And she recalls all the looks they give her.
Somepony dropped something! Rarity has earrings, but what can—the rock? Shiny rock! I’m not Maud, but please… thank you.
Fluttershy groans to herself, realizing she is doing it again.
"What was that all about Fluttershy?" she asked herself. "Still thinking those dumb thoughts again. As if I don't have enough to feel ashamed of?"
If there is a reason for Fluttershy's own mind to feel so lively, it stems from the fact that on the outside every pony knows what to expect from her. The shy, quiet mare whose major friends in her life are her animals much like Maud's love for rocks. Two different ponies in terms of personality, yet they do have that one thing in common. What they lack in communication with other ponies, they make up for it by finding solace through alternative means. Least in Fluttershy's case, her 'friends' that she can console with are living, breathing creatures while Maud's idea of friends are... 'special', for lack of a better term.
It's not Fluttershy's fault that she gets nervous when ponies look at her every now and then. But it's the way they look at her, and her trying to read their thoughts through their expression. All the questions added to that particular gaze from one pony after another. Always blocking her way to translate what they must be thinking, all the more increasing the anxiety within her mind.
Her breathing steadily grows hectic by the second. She can sense a glare forming on one pony, though it is 'what' kind that is difficult to determine. Confusion? Annoyed? Angry? And Fluttershy stands there, trying to figure it out like solving a puzzle. Standing there while the ponies around her wait for her to move... to do something other than stand on the lawn.
Fluttershy has messed up badly, and she does not know why.
Don’t be a nuisance, her mind commands. Don’t bother anypony. You already did bad enough. Don’t look, or ponies will notice you’re upset. The market… too many ponies…
Fluttershy forces herself to breathe as steadily as she can. Her head wanders around for some form of sanctuary.
The corner… Fluttershy observes. It’s not so busy there.
Fluttershy walks her way to the spot that is presumably safe. The ponies around her must think she’s silly, possibly a bother, too. Ponyville is the nicest town in all of Equestria… but perhaps not as nice for some.
Why did I have to—just stop and look? Fluttershy stomped the ground. I must be annoying to every pony around me.
The frustrating part is that Fluttershy has so many thoughts to share… but barely any ponies with whom to share them. There are too many who’d laugh, whether to her face or behind her back. She just needs to stop. Take a breath. And keep going. No pony can understand the little things about her except Fluttershy herself. How many times has it happened before? Too many to count.
Fluttershy's actions on a day-to-day basis are equivalent to what she sees more than any pony, except perhaps her best friends: a group of mares, a dragon, and even a zany Draconequus, who always stand beside her no matter what. Course, they can’t possibly share the same problems Fluttershy has. But, they’ve always been more assertive than her, and hardly worry about anything. Fluttershy wishes that could apply to her, instead of feeling so scared twenty-four hours a day.
Something she is going through right now feels different. The trouble is, she doesn’t know why. Yet it happens so many times… so why does it suddenly feel stronger?
Without question, Tirek was one of the most terrifying creatures. Discord, too, at least initially. Then there was Nightmare Moon, the Storm King, Queen Chrysalis (maybe former Queen since she no longer has her own Hive). And then there’s King Sombra, Discord…
Stupid… you just said his name twice! Fluttershy berates herself.
It’s awful for Fluttershy to think this way. Even she knows that. Even when it’s world-changing or world-ending when it’s right there in front of her, life in Equestria goes by and she has no idea it’s happening. And then what? What does Fluttershy have when it happens? It’ll all be gone… and moments that big likely will not matter the next day. And where does it leave everything else in Equestria? It is never enough… the biggest things Fluttershy is able to accomplish, and she will be at an age she will barely remember them. That will be the most awful part of her life.
Then there are all the other things she is likely to miss. The animals she will never have a chance to see or hear; all the habits she will have no time to learn. Possibly friends she will never get the chance to meet, among a million other things she will not see. Ponyville is beautiful, yet she feels she only knows a tiny corner of it. This town one day will be gone, and she will remember none of it. It all pales in comparison to the great big world out there… but she’s not ready to leave and risk losing everything she still remembers. The very idea of it makes her sick.
I’m not ready… I’m not ready… I’m not ready… I’m not…
She’s doing it all over again. She must stop. Breathe. That all too familiar panic nearly consumes her, driving her to tears. Soon, everypony will be staring at her… again. She can’t afford to do this, not here and now. But still… why… and what is she truly scared of?
All she has to do is find someplace quiet, take a seat, and be at a place where no pony can’t—won’t hear her. A place where she can leave others undisturbed, and give no reason for anypony to worry about her or see how worthless she is compared to the lives of millions.
“Go to the park,” Fluttershy advises herself. “It’s just right across the street. Go… while the other ponies are distracted or have other things to do. Just go away! Just head down there… sit… don’t come back!”
Fluttershy can feel the lump in her neck growing bigger. Her eyes dart around for something to do, like looking at all the sweet birds flying across the blue sky. But she can’t. Her vision is blurry—her eyes brim with tears. Wiping her eyes, she is eventually able to see the birds in a variety of colors: brown, blue, green… all types of birds she can’t see in the trees because they are hidden so well or flapping too quickly.
“It’s my tree!” they might be saying. “Only our friends are welcome!”
She can understand their language and what goes on in a bird’s mind. Constantly singing over anything, like a tree they feel is rightfully theirs and theirs alone. Living everyday like it all matters. Because… today is all that matters.
As she feels the lump slip away, exhaustion takes over Fluttershy. But she does not want to fall, not this way. It’s so stupid, why she does that… The overwhelming sensation takes control of her. She can’t afford to think this way—ponies are not meant to live like this. So she focuses her attention on the birds, particularly to one blue jay sitting on an empty branch.
“Hello, Firth!” Fluttershy says. “It’s nice of you to come see—no, it’s nice to see you. What’s that? Oh nothing… nothing. Oh, that’s very nice of you… oh yes. Very nice…”
Fluttershy speaks to Firth when she can, knowing so much about him and his species. Well… not everything, but still good enough. Not as much as the ants crawling across the grass though. It’s funny how there’s still so much more for Fluttershy to learn within a tiny triangle shaped patch of dirt just in the middle of the market. It’s as if they want to show her there is more to life, even more that the average pony tends to miss.
Every moment a pony misses… every memory a pony does not make… She knows that that’s like. She wants those chances back, to make up for so much lost time.
What is this place filled with so many wonders? Fluttershy asks herself. Casting it’s spell… casting it’s spell…
How could Fluttershy forget that day?
She remembers the field… spending the whole afternoon down there until the flight instructors discovered she was missing. Finding her spending an afternoon with the birds, the squirrels, all forms of woodland creatures. Trying to understand everything they say to her, telling them to go one at a time even though they did not listen. Learning what it meant when a bird whistled into her ear, the sharp pricks that used to scare her until she grew used to their claws, or when their tails tickled her chin.
She remembers the birds tweeting to her, and although she did not know what they fully meant, she understood in her heart they were saying goodbye. After the police took her home, when she settled in for the evening, she spent every quiet moment thinking about the birds. So much so, she barely acknowledged all the questions from her parents about how she was, how she felt, all while they were unable to see her longing to return.
Yes, the memories are still there in her heart… as they are in her head.
Today she knows more now, but that one memory remains clear. How she longs to go back to that meadow again, where she would feel less uncomfortable. The desire to learn what it means to be surrounded by natural wonders, to remember every little detail. A landmark telling her how to grow and what to experience. She recalls going back there, to retrace the steps of her fillyhood… but it’s all gone. Everything she remembers from that day… gone…
But Firth… he’s still here. The bird flaps onto her shoulders, and the pricks of his talons don’t bother her anymore. She can sit on the dirt, slowly so as not to startle him, and all the other ground critters approach as if they are invited to.
“Hello, Copernicus,” Fluttershy greets. “Of course I remember you. Yes, I know. It’s lovely to hear your dad is recovering nicely. Oh no, it was nothing, please. You’re too sweet… yes, I know.”
Every prick from every creature does not bother Fluttershy anymore, even as smiling proves challenging. Even when her ears hurt hearing all the chirps and squeaks at once, she does not scold. It’s the outside, and every animal has a voice. She can always fold her ears if they need to shout. She eyes them as they shuffle around her hind legs.
It’s so nice out here, where life truly feels normal. The things the animals do every day, the wonders she wants to see. She barely remembers the maze, the path of life she traverses. How much each of these creatures need to move, she does not know. Somehow, it is a wonder they find their way through life. As if deep down there is a sense of intelligence and self-worth. And yet it can all disappear within a week and then… the questions pop up.
What will I remember here? Who will I have to speak to? How much time do I have to spend if I have nothing worth remembering?
Because moments do not exist forever. nothing ever does.
<>
A week ago…
Fluttershy was doing… something. It’s very difficult to describe. And a month from this moment, it will only get harder and later there won’t be anything there. No matter how special it was, it loses itself through time… like it never existed… like she never truly lived. By that time, she will be a month older with nothing to say about it. Like she skipped this indescribable moment… never truly living.
“Why am I so upset?” she asked herself. “Why didn’t I hide it better? It’s not nice to just throw it onto others! Why did you think you can come here just to get away?”
What pony can understand? Fluttershy had nopony to tell, finding no pony worth worrying about what she’s worried about. That’s not nice… worrying herself about all the complications of her life.
“No, stop, please! Oh goodness, stop patronizing yourself, Fluttershy! It’s just what you know!”
Life moved so quickly even back then… the crunch of dead leaves she’ll be unable to find. As if maybe she truly didn’t know anything. Why did she have to say anything to ponies who can’t understand? She could end up patronizing them and they won’t have reason to talk to her anymore. Because it seemed that’s what she’s good at… pushing ponies away, and eventually the animals too.
Fluttershy had never felt so embarrassed till this moment… so very upset. She thought to come back tomorrow, perhaps apologize if she felt so rude…
But then… in one month from this week, it won’t matter. Because it didn’t exist… it won’t matter to any pony. She can still feel sorry… she’d need to or else it will feel rude. But she alone will know when she doesn’t remember, like it didn’t matter. It is worse for a pony who has nothing to remember, no reason to feel any creature can forgive her.
“Breathe Fluttershy…” she reminded herself. “You… you care for them. Leave it there… come back tomorrow… don’t mix others into this… this is your problem… you must fix it…”
<>
It is almost dusk today. Fluttershy wanders these very grounds for so long she can’t count. At this hour, she should…
“No! I don’t want to!” Fluttershy argues to herself. “It’s so normal here… I know it. Besides, I left Angel instructions at home. Course, he’s very cranky about it. Why can’t I just do it myself?”
Some of the ponies and the critters at her cottage are bound to wonder where she is. She knows she can lose herself in her caring for animals… losing another day to everything else. But it’s too normal in the park… where everyday feels like it’s dying and life rolls on. It’s rude and selfish to see it this way, but she knows she can go back when she decides to go home. It’s just… she can’t go home… not now. The day is not done yet.
Fluttershy’s eyes turn to a familiar place: Twilight’s castle, right along the edge of Ponyville. The sun is just behind the crystal castle, shining along its surface. The castle is so bright… so pretty. The colors emanating from the light make the cold crystals look so sparkly. And it is always there, since the day it came… how can any pony miss it? Why would they? It’s not something a pony can nearly miss within a week.
Get up… her mind commands. Go…
Why?
I don’t know… it’s your friend’s home? It’s the closest one? Spend some time someplace pretty while you still can. No pony is mean to you there. Go on over… they’re easier to be around. Tell them… tell her…”
Tell her? Any of them? Fluttershy can only assume what will happen as a result. They’d probably laugh at her for worrying over something silly and selfish. Even to explain this to them will take a lengthy period of time, and it is confusing enough.
When did this come up? Why are you thinking this way? What are you talking about?
Fluttershy expects those questions to come up. Even having the answers to them, it does not change the fact even the answers are confusing. Maybe that’s why she is thinking this way… why she does not want to answer… to stay quiet for as long as she can. Those thoughts chase her as she climbs the stairs to the front door.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
Fluttershy knocks on the doors, even though they are never locked. Princess Twilight hardly locks her doors. And yet, Fluttershy always believes it’s rude to come in without knocking. Just looking at the doors themselves, they are so big it is intimidating. Yet some pony is bound to answer of course. If not Princess Twilight herself… Who else?
There’s Starlight Glimmer, one of Twilight’s own students and one of the residents of the castle. There’s also Spike, Twilight’s loyal assistant, close friend, and even a brother figure to her. Either of them are likely to answer if Twilight is not at home. Either way, one of them is bound to invite her inside… How can it matter? As complicated as it may be, just for Fluttershy to be somewhere safe and quiet… amongst friends she does trust. If only to put her in a sense of ease.
Fluttershy waits for a while… but nothing happens. No pony answers the doors. It is awkwardly quiet, not like the silence amongst the critters, but a quietness like a foyer being too big for one or two ponies. And she wonders, Why am I here? Like the first day setting foot here… now that is a day she remembers.
Fluttershy waits by the doors for a while, but no one answers. So many potential answers flood her mind: Twilight’s studying a grand spell Equestria may need. Probably off to save some pony… every pony… as she does many times. Perhaps finding a pony to change their perspective, their lifestyle. All very important reasons… that’s how life is, one reason driving her actions. Least that’s how Fluttershy recalls.
It is then she finds a note upon the door which read, “Off to Griffinstone.” Twilight did mention a desire to visit there once. A problem to resolve because it just exists… something Twilight will remember when she returns.
That just leaves Fluttershy standing there. Now she realizes she is spending a whole day reminiscing over memories of what no longer exists. And she can’t think of anypony else to see, surely all her friends are doing important things throughout Equestria. All of them making moments… just as Fluttershy is trying to do. But her whole day… she spent it all on the ants… Firth… Copernicus.
Did anything she do today feel the slightest bit normal? Reminiscing over first times coming to Ponyville? Or is Fluttershy merely repeating the same routine over and over? A moment only exists once in a pony’s lifetime.
Is that why? Fluttershy asks herself. That must be why…
It’s just scary going out there, with everypony judging. Such a shame how it happens even in Ponyville, happening only just earlier today prior to going outside. Yet Fluttershy knows it happens much more in places less friendly. It is always scary when the map tells Fluttershy to go there; not like she does things she doesn’t like. Lately, she finds herself spending more time away from Ponyville and seeing ponies like Twilight less often. Those places are where things happen, not in a town that seems too normal. Everything in Ponyville just feels… normal.
Fluttershy can still recall the trip to a land far beyond the boundaries of their home…
Klugetown… home to creatures willing to sell and slice the ponies to bits…
Falling from Calaeno’s airship…
Placing with the hippogriffs… Queen Novo getting mad…
Coming back to a different Canterlot…
Nearly losing… losing…
Regretfully, Fluttershy does remember that and so much more.
No, no, no, stop! Fluttershy’s mind screams. It didn’t happen that way… it didn’t! Everything turned out fine… Twilight came back… and we won! She’s not gone… the clouds weren’t closing… she came back!
Fluttershy takes a deep breath before anything else happens. Before she starts to cry again. Wiping her eyes, clearing her vision, she can picture Twilight looking at her. Fluttershy just needs to pick herself up, pretend like everything is perfectly normal and smile. But no… that forceful gesture will surely make her worry. Shining along the window, the hour of dusk settles as the sun sinks beyond sight and yet still shows a lovely atmosphere.
And yet as she thinks about it, when Fluttershy is at her worst, that’s when those moments happen. As uncomfortable and scary as they are, she remembers them the best. Learning more by exploring an all-too scary world, even if that means getting lost in some scary castle that happens to show up one day. She thinks a bit if Fluttershy never came back… would anypony remember?
Am I really getting better? she asks herself. Have I only gotten better because I put on a brave face?
Of many questions that a mare like Fluttershy can ask herself, one agonizing debate stands at the very top of the list: 'Who' is Fluttershy? She is a growing mare, the same as any other who crosses the street. Over the years, she steps out and every day is one adventure, an opportunity to break out of the shell that keeps her safe from all potential hazards. Whether through her friends' encouragement or her own doing, Fluttershy wants only to prove there is more to her story than ponies give her credit for.
It gets easier for Fluttershy, time after time... but the days feel slower. Baby steps... that is what Fluttershy calls it. Very small, but still some form of progress for the mare. Some days, Fluttershy is content with the natural rhythm and pace she sets herself. But the rest of the time... even she grows tired of tackling life so slowly, lacking any form of progression. Perhaps, just this once, Fluttershy feels this is the time to pick up the pace... even by just a tad.
The sun against the door gives off a warm glow, and Fluttershy feels something along the frame… a pulse. And then the door opens as Starlight Glimmer comes into view, a book hovering in her magic aura. She turns from the open material and looks up, surprised to see Fluttershy standing there.
“Oh, Fluttershy!” Starlight gasps. “Have you been standing out here all this time?”
“O-O-Oh, uh no…” Fluttershy stammers. “Uh, actually… I-I-I was wondering if Twilight was home?”
“I see… well, I’m afraid she’s not here at the moment. She had an important errand to carry out in Griffinstone.”
Griffinstone… Fluttershy repeats to herself.
“But… you’re welcome to come in and wait,” Starlight offers. “Spike sent a letter stating they’ll be back in a few hours.”
“O-Oh, thank you.” Fluttershy smiles lightly.
Starlight lets Fluttershy into the house. She closes the door behind her… and locks it. Probably wanting to make sure Fluttershy feels safe.
“I-I-I hope I’m not disturbing you.”.
“Oh no, not at all,” Starlight replies. “I was just catching up on some spells I’m anxious to try. You don’t mind if I keep the doors locked, do you?”
“N-No, no… I like the peace and quiet.”
“Why did you say that?” her mind screamed. “That kind of talk makes ponies worried. Stupid mare…”
Starlight Glimmer glances toward Fluttershy as they walk to the throne room, and the former can’t help but notice something is off about the pegasus.
“Is something bothering you, Fluttershy?” Starlight asks. “Is… somepony causing you trouble?”
“Of course not, I just—No!” Fluttershy stutters fretfully. “Oh my goodness, no! It just feels so safe here, you know?”
Stupid, stupid, stupid! She’s worrying about you because you’re not saying anything but implying you’d rather stay inside. You don’t deserve friends like that.
“Would you like me to just unlock the door?” Starlight offers.
“It’s okay… there’s nothing out there I’m worried about,” Fluttershy reassures. “I was just… thinking.”
Thinking of what? That’s the question for Fluttershy. Living? Remembering things? Starlight looks at Fluttershy, but she does not want to tell her what’s on her mind. Just as well, she does not know if she even wants to tell anypony. Even if Twilight is here right now, she too may get worried over Fluttershy… perhaps even confused. Still, Fluttershy knows she can’t lie about it for long, she’s never been good at it. Besides, ponies like Starlight or Twilight will ask more questions.
And then what happens next? One look from Starlight reveals she expects Fluttershy to tell her what’s wrong. At least that’s how Fluttershy can translate her face. But what parts is Starlight looking for? Fluttershy’s courage? Her resolve? Or maybe Fluttershy is just thinking too much.
Eventually the ponies take their seats around the map, at first saying not a single word. Silence fills the room for a minute or two.
“I’m having a problem and I didn’t know who else to talk to…” Fluttershy admits. “I can’t expect you to understand, Starlight.”
To say Starlight is confused is quite an understatement. She silently notes the concern on Fluttershy's face. It seems the mare is trying to hide something, most of the signs are clear. Every so often one hoof reaches the back of her neck to scratch, her eyes turn side to side. The silence is long and awkward.
Until at last, Fluttershy releases a deep breath.
"Starlight Glimmer, do you ever have one of those days when you don't know if you are truly living?" Fluttershy asks.
“Yeah… sometimes …” Starlight nods slowly.
She does understand… understanding the need to live. To learn about friendship when it is all new and scary. How it changes a pony’s life, propelling them to confront one’s past no matter how frightening it may be.
“I know more about it, much more than you think,” Starlight adds. “Doing something brave, saving the world, doing things no other pony can do… Twilight understands that, too. That’s why you came to see her, isn’t it?”
They both understand whether Fluttershy knows it or not. These mares truly know how to live. In Twilight’s case, it all comes from being an alicorn. Finding moments as she is destined to live forever, to remember every moment as she gets older and older. Course, she did so well long before her official coronation. Fluttershy remembers that day, Twilight’s moment… not hers. She’s Princess of all Equestria now, unafraid of anything, and living so well.
“She’s changing the world…” Fluttershy says.
“Twilight?”
“Exactly! And every pony will remember her and everything she’s done. She has enough exciting, incredible things happening every week, filling several ponies’ lifetimes. I’m sure she remembers it all… she has to.”
“Mm-hmm… I know what you mean.” Starlight nods. “Even now Rarity’s beautifying every pony through her beautiful dresses every day; Pinkie knows the stories of every pony in Ponyville and more; Rainbow Dash performs for the world and learning new techniques every day; Applejack keeps the town and her enormous family well-fed and makes friends with every customer; and even Spike, barely an adolescent… now he’s helping Twilight change the world. And then there’s me.”
“Huh?” Fluttershy turns to Starlight, surprised.
“Well… it’s no secret I’ve mastered many spells most unicorns can’t do,” Starlight shrugs. “But sometimes… I don’t feel like I’m doing much of anything these days. Sometimes I spend days just thinking of doing nothing. That I wonder if my idea of living is really just…”
“Observing ants on the ground… conversing with woodland creatures… and forgetting about it later?” Fluttershy says.
“In some crazy way, yes… is that how you feel?”
“I just feel so pathetic! I know I am. Starlight, I know I don’t say this much to the other girls… but I want to make more of myself. I really want to live; to do all the things every pony else does. Making good on my time… not like today… or last week… last year. Least you and every pony else are always doing something; I’m always at home with my animals.”
“You envy us,” Starlight concludes. “You feel jealous, and you’re not sure if you can be forgiven?”
Fluttershy nods her head reluctantly, her eyes looking at Starlight sadly.
“You know, I think the solution is easier than you think,” Starlight says.
“It is?” Fluttershy asks, confused.
“Absolutely!” Starlight nods. “You may hear this from other mares like Twilight, Rarity, or Rainbow Dash. But coming from me, this is what I feel you should be telling yourself: If you want to do something, just do it. Life isn’t just about smelling the roses or looking at a rectangular patch of dirt…”
“Triangle,” Fluttershy corrects.
"Regardless... I cannot be the one who decides what you should do with your life. If your intent is to do something that's beautiful or awesome... well, 'awesome' is more Rainbow Dash's deal... you merely need to be beautiful."
"It's hard for me to be that beautiful pony, if I don't feel the way I should be."
"Well, from one pony to another, what is stopping you?"
Fluttershy adjusts herself as if she is trying to feel comfortable. Deep down, the question is not difficult to even answer. It is a matter of sharing some simple words... yet they seem to escape her before Fluttershy can speak. Like trying to talk from a podium, and all that emerges from her lips are stutters and clicks. Like a jumbled mind indecisive over what to say.
"I-I-I mean I want to be more than what I am," Fluttershy stammered. "Yet I feel the way I go about my day is not how I would do it. It's like I'm pretending to be a pony... a pony that doesn't sound like me. I'm making memories, but are they my own memories or merely put together by some pony else?"
"Every day does bring about opportunities to make memories in life," Starlight noted. "You only need to be out there."
"And do what? That's just it! I feel like I don't even know what I am doing! I thought that by coming to this castle, I felt Twilight may know what I am dealing with. But coming to you, I feel like all I'm doing is rambling all my thoughts onto you."
"I deal with this on a daily basis as a guidance counselor at the school. I imagine it must be frustrating to voice what's bothering you, yet not knowing how to express yourself or knowing what the problem was in the first place?"
"But 'how' Starlight? Just 'how' can some pony like me know what I should do, if I don't even remember what that even means?"
"Every pony's life is different. Yours... mine... every pony. Yet the one bit of advice always ends up the same thing: Be the pony who is making the most of your life."
The more Fluttershy thinks about it, the more the thoughts swarm around her head across her head. Of moments of her life that stick closely within her. Moments of her life that one hold something meaningful for her, yet the recollection as to whether it still rings true. Starlight Glimmer is onto something, but the issue is whether it brings Fluttershy any closer to discovering the source of her problem.
"I want to believe you are right, Starlight," Fluttershy admits. "I know you are trying to convince me of something... but I feel like there is so much more to this. So much I'm still trying to grasp."
"I never said that a problem can be resolved in a single day," Starlight replies. "I'm not trying to fix your problem nor do I truly expect any advice I give to be accepted. I'm merely here to listen, to show you there is at least some pony who does care about what's bothering you."
"I feel there are things I should be doing... but it's whether I will or if anything I do will mean anything."
"Every pony goes through that at times. Believe it or not, I understand how that feels. I tell myself I should move on from all the mistakes I've made in life, I should focus on being the mare I want to be just as you expressed your desires. But old habits tend to kick in and... we end up questioning ourselves whether anything we did mattered."
"And how do you finally get over such troubling thoughts? To know when you can finally speak as the pony you want to be?"
"I guess some things you never truly get over, at least not entirely. But at times when you feel you don't know what to do or how to feel, I'd recommend taking yourself back to a place where you feel safe. Where you are able to express yourself as the mare you want to be. And when you find yourself in that area of familiarity, the answer is not as far as you think."
Fluttershy ponders over Starlight's words, leaving her with much to think about. But after a moment or two, one spot in her mind comes up. The open valley, the landing after falling from the heavens. The natural wonders of the world, all its inhabitants, the clear blue sky, and the sun basking over the flowers. That place Fluttershy all but forgets... but can never truly forget. At least, not the place where she did find herself in some way.
"I don't think I'll ever truly have it all figured out," Fluttershy admits. "But for what it is worth, I am starting to recall what I need to do."
Fluttershy picks herself up from her seat around the map, as if all at once she has an epiphany.
“We live in a different Equestria,” Fluttershy realizes. “And maybe it’s time I stopped taking baby steps. I’ve been doing that for far too long. It was fine before… but none of it has gotten me anywhere. I know every pony is frustrated with me, even if they do not say it to my face. I’m going out to do a Rainbow Dash, make good use of my time and be awesome!”
“Well, your intentions are noble, Fluttershy,” Starlight replies. “But honestly, you should be awesome as your own pony. There’s no need to compare yourself to any pony.”
“My point is: I know it’s scary out there!” Fluttershy continues. “Even if I don’t want to do it, even if there are moments that make me uncomfortable, I want to be a pony all of Equestria will remember. Simply caring for animals isn’t enough, I’ve already learned that. I want to step out of my comfort zone… go to places I normally don’t want to… and maybe I’ll be so comfortable that this day alone becomes a memory. Maybe my life will get bigger when I make room to grow…
“It’s time I start living, to give my life a chance. I must be the one to make that change, do something about myself. To be a stronger Fluttershy… a more assertive Fluttershy. I know I’ve missed much, Starlight, but not anymore. It all starts today: Everything I want to do, everything I’ve been putting off, I want to do it all… starting now!”
“And how does it start Fluttershy?” Starlight asks.
“Home… a place of so many wonders,” Fluttershy concludes.
Fluttershy proceeds to make her way out of the castle as Starlight Glimmer looks on. But after a few steps, Fluttershy stops and turns back to Starlight.
“Can you do me a favor and tell all that to Twilight when she comes back?” Fluttershy asks.
“Of course…” Starlight nods.
