Twilight & Spike Give Two Alicorn Princesses "The Talk"

Chapters

Chapter 1: Royal innocence
Chapter 2: The near-death of an ex-student
Bonus chapter: Two alicorns walk into a hospital

Chapter 1: Royal innocence

“Okay, Twilight. You can’t keep delaying this. Spike is a strong, mature dragon who the Crystal Empire calls a hero, so he can handle a simple talk...right? Besides...”

Twilight Sparkle traipsed down the hallways of her crystal castle, heading for Spike’s bedroom. Jitters from nerves ravaged her insides. Her hoofsteps on the cold floor had never sounded so loud, even if they actually weren’t.

What was her deal? It was long overdue for Twilight to have a dreaded conversation with Spike about the birds and the bees. While the two considered each other siblings, Twilight also viewed herself, sort of, as Spike’s mother – she technically hatched his egg. Therefore, it was on her to give him “the talk”.

Sounds like fun. Not for Twilight though.

The alicorn continued to will herself to suck it up, be a mare, and perform her job as Spike’s de facto mother, all the way to Spike’s closed bedroom door. Upon reaching the unusually menacing door, Twilight’s ears flopped sideways. She gulped, called forth more of her courage, and meekly knocked. “Spike, are you in there?”

“Yep, I’m here.”

“Can I come in? But if you’re busy, I can leave.”

“You can come in. I’m just reading Power Ponies comics."

It would be BS if Twilight denied that she was hoping Spike would have told her “no” and to buzz off. Since her inner coward wasn’t appeased, Twilight’s horn glowed magenta and the door creaked open.

Spike was lying on his bed, holding a copy of a “Power Ponies” comic book in his claws. A half-filled cup of his favorite juice rested beside his bed. He lifted his head toward Twilight and asked, “Twi? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing’s wrong.” Twilight forced her suddenly sluggish hooves through the doorway. Fighting weak wobbles from her legs, she staggered across Spike’s room and lay beside his bed. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Okay.” Spike laid his comic beside him and sat up. Twilight had his full attention.

‘Here we go,’ Twilight thought, then asked out loud, “Spike, how long have we known each other?”

“Uh...my whole life and most of yours? Weren’t you the one that hatched me?”

“Oh, right.” Twilight facehoofed. ‘Why didn’t I rehearse what I’d say?’ It wasn’t the time to stay buried in thoughts, so Twilight smacked her cheek with a forehoof and knocked her attention out of her thoughts. “S-sorry, I was a little preoccupied.” She fidgeted her wings as she added, “But never mind that. Do...*gulp*...you remember when you were asking me where foals come from?”

“I do. Every time I did, you broke out in a sweat, said you forgot about or had to do something, and ran or flew off.” Spike chuckled at the memories. “You even crashed the time you tried to fly away before you were used to your wings.”

“Yeah…I did. I still have a bump from that crash.” Twilight tapped the back of her head, where the small bump from her shameful escape hid under her mane. “But now, I...n-need to finally tell you.”

“Oh, I know,” Spike said nonchalantly.

Despite her unexpected good luck, its shock sparked Twilight’s mouth to widen and her ears to stand up. “You do?! How?!”

Spike stretched his arms in the air and yawned. “After I tried to ask you last month, I went to Rainbow and Fluttershy and they told me.”

“What?! Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy told you?!”

“Yep. They said foals are created soon after a mare and stallion bang, then the mare gives birth to her foals eleven months later. They think it works that way for dragons too, but they lay eggs after sex, but mares don’t lay eggs.”

The shock from this turn of events faltering, the corners of Twilight’s lips drooped in a frown. “Wait, ‘bang’? What does that mean?”

“It means 'to have sex’, according to Rainbow, because Fluttershy didn’t call it ‘bang’.” Spike rubbed his chin. “Though, Fluttershy did struggle to get words out when she explained how sex worked and how foals are born. Her face was red the wholetime, but I don’t know why telling me was so hard on her.”

“I didn’t know some ponies used ‘bang’ as another word for...that, but whatever. I’m just glad you know where foals come from.” Twilight leaned forward and wrapped her forelegs around Spike in a hug, which he returned. Her hug was from both affection and utter relief of being off the hook. “Still, I’m sorry for not telling you myself.”

“It’s cool.”

Twilight and Spike broke their hug. The former’s Cutie Mark and the latter’s spikes on his head glowed.

“Huh?” Spike pointed toward Twilight’s Cutie Mark. “Twi, your Cutie Mark is glowing!”

“And your spikes are too! The map must be calling us!”

The pair hurried out of the room and sprinted down the hallways. Twilight flew open a door to the throne room with her magic, and she and Spike dashed inside and toward the Cutie Map. A holographic image of Twilight’s Cutie Mark and Spike’s head circled each other over a section of the map displaying Canterlot Castle.

“Hey, look at that!” Twilight smiled and motioned a hoof toward her ~~plot device~~ map. “This is the first time it has only called us.”

“Heh, about time it sent Equestria’s best duo to solve a friendship problem. I did nothing wrong today, so I can’t be the cause this ti–wait.” Spike stared closer to where the image of his face and Twilight’s Cutie Mark danced over. ”Odd. Didn’t Starlight get called to the royal palace not long ago?”

“Yeah.” A wave of panic struck Twilight, inducing a fearful gasp. “Wait, don’t tell me Celestia and Luna are fighting again. Oh, I knew I should have stayed with Starlight, but I wanted to show I trusted her! Why didn’t I–”

Spike covered Twilight’s mouth with his claws. He knew what could happen if he failed to quell the incoming freak-out immediately. “Easy, Twi. Let’s just check things out first. It might not have anything to do with the Princesses.”

Twilight and Spike departed the castle and boarded the Friendship Express to Canterlot.

In Canterlot Castle’s throne room...

“I see,” Princess Celestia said, leaning down to Spike’s spikes, which (in addition to Twilight’s Cutie Mark) had ceased glowing during their trip. She strode back and stood beside Princess Luna. “I haven’t noticed any problems, and the...issue between Luna and me is resolved and we are closer than ever.”

Princess Luna commented, “Are you certain the map summoned you here, not somewhere else in Canterlot?”

Twilight laid a hoof under her chin. “I’m pretty sure it did. Whenever the map sent me or my friends somewhere, whoever was having the friendship problem wasn’t always apparent right away. Maybe if Spike and I stick around, we’ll find a clue?”

Celestia nodded in agreement. “That sounds like a fine idea to me. Feel free to explore the castle and see if you can find anything wrong, and Luna and I can also keep our eyes peeled.”

A male guard stepped into the room. “My apologies, your Majesties, but I have a minor issue to report.”

“What is it?” Celestia asked.

“A few ponies are spreading conspiracy theories of you and Princess Luna secretly having foals, as well as claiming Princess Luna being sent to the moon was fake news. However, we are working to deal with them as we speak.”

Celestia and Luna stared at each other. Giggles burst out from both.

“That is crazy,” Luna said. “Of course I, or rather Nightmare Moon, was banished to the moon, and I have yet to even lay my first egg. You have not laid any either, right, Sister?”

“No, but I have sometimes made jokes and pulled small pranks to help ponies feel more at ease around me. It could be that some ponies are being a little...overzealous in taking my lead.”

The guard gave a weak gasp. “Wait, you two can lay eggs?”

“Yes. Alicorns can lay eggs after cuddling long enough with a stallion,” Celestia answered. “Foals hatch from eggs, after all.”

Twilight’s mouth widened. Did she hear right?

The guard backed out of the throne room without speaking a word.

This just got interesting.

“Um...what was that about cuddling and alicorns laying eggs?” Twilight asked in a high-pitched voice.

“I said alicorns can lay eggs after cuddling with a stallion, just like all mares,” Celestia calmly responded.

She did hear right. One of Twilight’s eyelids twitched, then her body froze. Twilight.exe had stopped working.

“Uh, Twi?” Spike poked Twilight’s chest.

“...”

“Twilight?”

“...”

“Equestria to Princess Twilight Sparkle!”

“...”

Spike pulled the motionless alicorn’s head down to him and whispered in her ear.

Pure energy triggered Twilight’s eyes to bulge and her wings to spread out. “No! So help me, Spike, if you tell our friends about my crush on–oh. I must have frozen. Thanks for snapping me out of it.” Twilight.exe rattled her head to fully reboot herself and folded her wings.

Celestia pointed out, “You always freeze if you feel something unbelievable happened. Do you think mares can’t lay eggs or that foals don’t come from them?”

“Oh, what kind of question is that, Sister?” Luna tittered. “Twilight has practically read every book in existence, so of course she knows about the method ponies reproduce.”

“Y-yes, I…” Twilight slowly turned to Spike. Arteries branched out in her eyes. “Spike, can you, uh, help me check something?”

“Sure.”

Twilight dashed out of the room with Spike following. In the hallway, Twilight whispered, “Spike, did you hear them say mares lay eggs and that it happens after cuddling a stallion?”

He nodded. “Yep.”

“How is it even remotely possible that two ponies who are over one thousand years old think that?” Twilight asked with her hooves up in frustration. “There’s ‘crazy’, ‘very crazy’, ‘Starlight’s plans crazy’, and then there’s this!”

“It’s odd that Equestria’s two oldest ponies are wrong about how foals are born. But if they are” –Spike pointed a claw at Twilight– ”why don’t you tell Celestia and Luna about sex and how foals are really born?”

Twilight’s eyes dilated from the words, and she fought to keep herself working. Giving a full-grown mare, much less Princess Celestia, “the talk”?

“W-well,” Twilight stuttered while grimacing, “I-I...suppose I could, but I can’t, especially not to Princess Celestia! She’s like my second mother!”

“What’s the big deal?” Spiked asked with an oblivious frown. “You’re only talking about sex and the details of foalbirth.”

“It’s...uh…” Twilight spoke through gritted teeth, a drop of sweat running down her face. She quit trying to clarify her stance and explained through un-gritted teeth, “I guess you’re too young to understand or it’s the dragon in you. Let’s just say it’d feel too weird!”

“But what if this is the friendship problem we gotta solve?”

“Then I should have the map sent for repairs to ensure it still knows what ‘friendship’ is.”

“Wouldn’t fixing it be your job as the Princess of Friendship? Anyway, what are we going to do?”

More drops of sweat flowed down Twilight’s face. She yearned to turn tail and retreat to Ponyville, but this was a friendship problem, kind of. Pride as the Princess of Friendship clamped on the fear that begged Twilight to flee shamelessly – she had work to do. She closed her eyes and took a deep, slow breath. “I’ll tell them. I guess the map thought I couldn’t handle this on my own.”

“I doubt it thinks that little of you, if it can think.”

“No, it was at leastright to send you with me; I might have lost my nerve and ran back to Ponyville if I were alone for this.” She forced a smile. “Do you have my flank?”

Spike smiled supportively and winked. “Flank, gotten.”

Her smile deepened, filling with some more confidence. She should handle this kind of talk without Spike, given his age. Unfortunately, the wimp in her was reluctant to go back in solo if she didn’t have to, despite the mare’s status as a multi-time heroine of Equestria. “Thanks. Let’s go.”

With Twilight’s knees buckling from nerves, Twilight and Spike walked back into the throne room. The two shockingly innocent Princesses had remained where they were.

“Are you two finished with whatever you needed to check?” Celestia asked.

“Uh, yes, yes we are,” Twilight answered, speaking faster than she intended to. Speaking at her normal speed, she asked, “Um, Princess Celestia, before Spike and I left, you said that alicorns, like all mares, lay eggs?”

“That is correct.”

Twilight scraped a hoof against the floor, as if she were attempting to scratch away the tenseness of this situation. “I have read many books about it, and I know I don’t have my own foals, yet. However, while our ovaries do produce eggs, I’m certain that no marecan lay them. Remember, Flurry Heart didn’t hatch from one.”

Celestia stared upward in thought, rubbing her cheek with a hoof. “I did wonder about that, but it is quite possible Flurry hatched before we saw her.”

“But Shining Armor or Cadance would have mentioned that Cadance laid an egg. Plus, I've seen newly born foals in hospitals, and I’ve never seen a single sign of eggs.”

Luna asked, “Then in that case, how do you believe foals are born?”

“Y-you see,” Twilight began as she fiddled with her wings, “they develop inside a mare’s body, and she gives birth to them live.”

“Strange.” The elder royal sister looked toward her younger sibling. “Sister, have you heard anything about this?”

Luna shook her head. “No. I learned all I know about the matter from you.”

“I see.” Celestia turned her head back to Twilight, eyes conflicted on if what she was hearing was really the truth. “Twilight, I will admit that I am a little...hesitant to believe this, but you do sound sincere about your claim. If you are indeed correct, then after a stallion and mare cuddle, their foal just somehow ends up inside the mare’s body?”

“Uh...foals don’t come from cuddling either,” Twilight answered meekly.

“Well, where do they arise from if not through cuddling?” Celestia pointed at Twilight, or rather at the sweat starting to rain down her forehead. “And, perhaps you should see one of our doctors. It is not humid, but you are sweating quite badly.”

“N-no, it’s okay. I was...working out before the map called me, but my workout’s effects are only showing now, but I’ll be fine.” The big liar who had rarely exercised in her life wiped her forehead, rubbing off some of the perspiration her anxiety was pumping out. “But anyway, w-when a mare and stallion want to have foals, they have...s-s-se–”

“Sex,” Spike calmly said.

“Wait, Spike, I got this. I am already having you do more than you should.” Twilight pondered what to further add. Alas, “nothing” was her brain’s wonderful answer, coaxing her to fiddle with her wings again. “Yes, a mare and stallion have...what Spike said.”

“Sex?” Luna asked with a baffled frown. “It feels as if I should, but I do not believe I have ever heard of this ‘sex’.”

“I haven’t either, but then again, it is easy to forget things at our age.” Celestia giggled. “We are lucky that we can still remember what we have for breakfast, usually. Twilight, in case Luna and I simply forgot, tell us more about sex.”

“Have you ever had it?” Luna asked. “Does it feel good?”

A whimper escaped Twilight’s lips, even if she couldn’t escape. ‘I should have let Starlight tear Starswirl the Bearded’s scroll in the past.’

Her internal semi-joke over, Twilight answered, “I have never personally experienced sex, yet, but sex is when a stallion puts h-h-his...um...*inaudible*...inside a mare.”

Celestia raised a hoof beside her ear. “I am afraid I didn’t hear what you said a stallion puts in a mare, and where does it go? Inside the mare’s mouth?”

”NO!!” Twilight’s eyes justifiably bulged, again. Her wings flared out at such a speed, it fired out a harmless shockwave, which blew into and flapped the ponies’ manes. “Not in the mare’s mouth! Gross!”

“So he places his whatever somewhere else, like the mare’s anus?” Luna asked. “Because that doesn’t–”

“No! Not there either!” Twilight took a deep breath and blew out some stress. Her eyes shrank to normal size, at least for now, and she relaxed her wings. “He puts his...h-his...”

Spike groaned and facepalmed. “All right, that’s enough. Twilight, since you can’t tell them, I will, or we might be here all day. I’m getting hungry.”

“But you can’t–”

Spike covered his claws over Twilight’s mouth. “But I am.”

With hunger making him the alpha of the fabled Twilight-Spike duo, Spike uncovered Twilight’s mouth and faced the other two alicorns present. “Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, sex is when a stallion sticks his *censored* into a mare’s *censored* and *censored*. After sex is over, his sperm swims toward the mare’s eggs inside her body and fertilizes them. The fertilized eggs slowly grow into foals inside the mare’s womb, then after eleven months, the mare enters labor and pushes out her fully-formed foals through her *censored* and is born.”

Twilight’s bottom lip dropped to the floor. Spike explained everything as if it were an average, “E” rated fact. ‘I should reevaluate my life when I’m back home.’

Celestia and Luna blinked twice, eyes fixated on the dragon. Awkwardness camped out in the impromptu sex ed class.

“Wow, really?” Celestia asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Y-y-yes, really,” Twilight replied as her bottom lip shot up to its normal spot. “I...couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“That is hard to believe. I knew there was much I didn’t understand when I returned from the moon, like how we speak now, but I thought I understood how ponies reproduce.” Luna glanced at Celestia and sighed dejectedly. “Are our memory really that bad now?”

“Perhaps I should ask some guards if they have heard of sex or experienced it themselves. Some of them are fathers, so surely–”

“N-no!” Twilight shouted with her pupils shrunken. “Sex is a...sensitive topic, so you really shouldn’t ask ponies about their...sex lives. Hospitals are where foals are usually born, so if you’d rather hear a doctor tell you, maybe one at a hospital could tell you?”

“I see. Sister, how about we pay a visit to Canterlot Hospital?”

“Yes, let’s.”

Celestia and Luna strode past Twilight and Spike and out their throne room’s door.

Alone with Spike, Twilight moaned and wiped the remaining moisture off her forehead. She stared at her Cutie Mark, which was, mercifully, glowing. Spike’s spikes joined the glow party.

“We did it, Spike, and I hope we never have to solve a friendship problem like that again. After we get you something to eat, let's return to Ponyville. I need to drink some cider.”

Twilight and Spike left Canterlot castle. Twilight couldn’t help but wonder if some cruel trick was played on her. Yet she was a friendly, sympathetic pony who loved helping others, and would lay down her life to protect her friends or Equestria. Who would want that benevolent Princess to endure such embarrassment?

Meanwhile, in a chaotic pocket dimension...

Inside a lone house's living room floating in the strange void resided a possible answer to that earlier question: Discord, the legendary Lord of Chaos and Equestrian Heavyweight Champion of trolling. He rested in an upside-down floating chair; a bubble made from his chaotic magic, displaying a flipped image of Canterlot Castle’s throne room, was by a wall in front of him.

“It looks like ‘The Sweaty Twilight Sparkle & Spike Show’ is over. I just wish Equis-cable wasn't so expensive.” Discord shoved a pawful of popcorn into his mouth, which was in a floating red bag that was also flipped. “It was well-worth giving those two a...push to Canterlot for the show to air.”

He looked beside him where Fluttershy, Equestria’s most feared pony (when enraged), was in a second upside-down chair. “Right, Fluttershy? You cook up the craziest ideas when you’re bored.”

“I don’t know. I’m starting to have second thoughts about my plan, even if...” the unexpectedly devious mastermind said with a guilty frown, although it looked like a smile due to her topsy-turvy position. Memories – and anger – of her and Rainbow Dash giving Spike “the talk” a month ago forced out a scowl. “Okay, I still can’t believe I had to tell Spike the…*shudder*...details about pony reproduction. It was Twilight’s job to hold that conversation with him, but she kept running from it!”

“Yesss, who knew Twilight could be such a scaredy pony when it comes to having talks and quesadillas?” Discord took another big gulp of popcorn.

Fluttershy’s scowl waned, and her remorseful expression revealed itself again. “But, be that as it may, we might have gone too far by changing Princess Celestia’s and Princess Luna’s memories of how foals are born. You promised to change their memories back, but I should have thought of something that only affected Twilight.”

“Oh, Sunbutt and Moonbutt are great sports, so they’ll be just fine about our fun.” Discord snapped his claw, and the bubble displaying Canterlot Castle’s throne room poofed out of existence. ”But, since the show is over, I should return you to your cottage, then restore Sunbutt’s and Moonbutt’s memories before they make foals out of themselves. Pun very much intended.”

“Well, they do have a sense of humor, especially Princess Celestia, or 'Sunbutt'.” Fluttershy giggled, her hoof covering her mouth. She’d never admit to her friends that she loved her “special friend’s” nicknames for the royal sisters. “Thanks for helping me.”

“Thank you for letting me help the fun way: with a hint of chaos.” Discord snapped a claw, and Fluttershy was teleported out of Discord's pocket dimension and to her cottage.

Now alone, he snapped a claw again. A bubble showing an image of Canterlot Hospital poofed where the previous bubble had been. Celestia and Luna were nearing the hospital’s door.

“Actually, I’ll wait a bit before giving back their memories about the birds and the bees. Their show might not air again. In fact...I think I should just pop over there and watch it live.”

Author's Note

Oh, Fluttershy, you evil but adorable genius! That'll teach Twilight to not get out of her big sister/mom duties again!

In a blog I made about 2 weeks ago, I said something would happen in this story that I guaranteed no one would see coming. What I was talking about was how Fluttershy was behind Celestia and Luna not remembering how foals are born, and even thought mares laid eggs. She just had Discord to help her do it.

If you had read the blog and guessed right, or saw it coming as you read this story, then I have egg on my face :derpytongue2:

Chapter 2: The near-death of an ex-student

In Ponyville...

Twilight and Spike entered the Castle of Friendship’s grand two-leaved gold doors, and into its hallways. Twilight stomped along with her brows furrowed, grumbling to herself.

“Come on, Twilight,” Spike pleaded, “the Apple family promised it wasn’t personal. After what Starlight did when she drank cider after a bad day, can you blame them for being...cautious?”

“I suppose not, but I’m Twilight, not Starlight. Am I the type of pony that’s super-prone to going a little crazy?”

“Uh–”

“I just heard myself, so don’t answer that. Still, after how much they laughed when we told them...what happened with the Princesses, Granny Smith could have at least given me one cup–”

One of the hallway’s doors opened in turquoise magic. The previously mentioned off-screen bad drunk, Starlight Glimmer, trotted through it. She stopped trotting and looked toward her friends, wearing a cheerful smile. “Oh, hey, guys. Where have you two been? You were gone when I got back.”

“We were sent on a friendship mission. Twilight could barely handle it, but I still don’t get why she was freaking out and sweating about it.”

“Maybe you’ll understand in a few years.” Twilight sighed, feeling her now-dry forehead with her hoof. “I probably lost 20% of my body weight from sweating, so about twenty pounds.”

After a chuckle, Spike said, “If it’s 20%, then it’s more like you lost thirty–”

Twilight glowered at Spike. “Spike, do you really want to go there with me in this bad a mood?”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.”

“I take it the mission was a rough one?” Starlight asked, her smile flipping into a concerned frown.

Twilight and Spike explained the insane events that occurred in Canterlot Castle.

After the story was over, Starlight’s eyelids twitched, her mouth quivering. The rest of her body stood still. Taking after her mentor, Starlight.exe had ceased working.

“Starlight? Are you okay?” Twilight asked, stress from her “friendship mission" ebbing.

Spike poked Starlight in her ribs. No response. “Uh, Twi? I think that story broke her.”

A curl crept on Starlight’s quivering lips. She collapsed to the floor, erupting in howling laughter.

“That is priceless! Oh, and Celestia asked if ‘it’ went in a mare’s mouth?! Ha ha ha! I wish the map had sent me with you!” Starlight’s eyes leaked tears from her raucous laughter. She mixed in rolls as she laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

Be honest: wouldn’t you be doing the same if you were in Starlight’s place?

“Yeah, it’s real hilarious,” Twilight said sarcastically. She stormed down the hallway and into her library, trailed by Spike.

After about a minute, Starlight’s laughter abruptly ended.

“Are you finally done laughing, Starlight?! It’s about time!” Twilight whined from a chair.

“...”

“Starlight?” Twilight asked again in a more concerned voice.

“...”

Something was amiss, so Twilight and Spike hurried out of the library and to where they had left Starlight. The duo’s mouths dropped.

On the floor, Starlight lay motionless on her side, eyes closed. A peaceful smile remained marked on her face.

“Starlight?!” Twilight and Spike shouted in unison. They dashed to Starlight, and Twilight shook her with her hooves.

“...”

“Starlight Glimmer, talk to us!” Twilight shook Starlight again, harder.

“...”

Spike felt Starlight’s neck. His eyes widened. “Twilight, I can’t feel a pulse! She actually died laughing!”

“What?!” Twilight felt Starlight’s neck, followed by her eyes joining Spike’s eyes in widening. “You’re right! Find some help, quick, and I’ll apply CPR!”

Spike bolted out of the castle; Twilight rolled Starlight onto her back and applied chest compressions.

“Starlight, you can’t die! You’re too young, and I still need a chance to laugh at you like you did at me!” Twilight switched chest compressions with mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

After half a minute with no progress made, Twilight’s horn glowed magenta. A spark of electricity struck the dying unicorn.

Later, in the ICU of Ponyville’s Hospital...

“Twilight, I think she’s waking up!”

With a weak moan, Starlight pulled open her eyes. She was on her back in a hospital bed; Twilight and Spike stood beside Starlight’s bed. An oxygen mask covered Starlight's mouth and muzzle, and steady beeps from an EKG machine pulsed in the background.

“Oh...what happened?” Starlight started to roll toward the direction of her friends, but a stabbing pain in her chest stopped her movement and forced out a yelp.

“You died,” Spike answered nonchalantly.

“I what?!” Starlight shouted with her pupils shrinking to pinpricks, but she yelped from another stab of pain in her chest. “But I wasn’t ready to die! I still haven’t kissed...wait.” Starlight’s fear warped into confusion, allowing her pupils to regrow to normal size. “If I’m dead, how can I feel pain, and how can you see or hear me? Did I kill us by messing up spells, because I’m sorry if I did!”

“Don’t worry, Starlight. You’re still alive, and you didn’t kill anypony by messing up spells,” Twilight assured gently. “Plus, it’s not possible for you to accidentally kill anypony with spells.” She scraped the floor with a forehoof and continued, “After the third time I did it and Chrysalis revived us, I cast a worldwide spell to make all Equestrians immune to death by magical mishaps. It’s a long story, so don’t ask what happened.”

“Okay, but before I do it anyway and also ask how high was your body count, why did Spike say I died?”

Twilight answered, “Clinically, you did: you laughed so hard and long after hearing about our ‘friendship mission’, you suffocated yourself and your heart stopped.”

“But Twilight saved you by restarting your heart, but she broke four of your ribs by mistake while performing CPR on you.”

A grateful smile eased itself on Starlight’s lips. “Oh, thank you so much, Twilight, but what made me–” Starlight’s lips quivered. Another round of laughter followed, this time mired with the pain from her broken ribs. The beeping from the EKG picked up speed.

“Ow, oh I remember! Ha ha-ow! I’m so, so sorry–ow, and laughing is killing my chest, but–ow, that was just too funny!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. She took some solace in that both Starlight would be fine and that her laughing was painful, to Starlight. “Well, Spike, let’s tell the others that she’s going to be okay, given she doesn’t suffocate herself from laughing again.”

“Wait, Twilight, I just thought of something. It was your electric spell that restarted Starlight’s heart and only took you one try, right?”

She nodded. “That’s right.”

“Why didn’t you do that first instead of CPR? Did you forget?”

“No."

Spike scratched his head in bewilderment. “So why did you still do CPR? You wouldn’t have broken her ribs if you had given her heart a shock first.”

The alicorn scowled at the still-laughing and yelping Starlight, whose tears flowed down her face and oxygen mask as she laughed.

“Spike, I know.”

Author's Note

Ouch. Twilight was sore at Starlight, wasn't she? I wonder if Sunset Shimmer would have a good laugh when/if Twilight tells her about her "friendship mission".

Depending on how well this story does and if people would even want to see it, I may add a short bonus chapter showing Celestia and Luna aka Sunbutt and Moonbutt at Canterlot Hospital.

Edit: There was some interest and the story is doing more than well enough to do it, so there will be a bonus chapter with Sunbutt and Sunbutt at the hospital.

Bonus chapter: Two alicorns walk into a hospital

After they had more or less received “the talk” from Twilight Sparkle and Spike, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna ran down Canterlot’s streets. They were heading toward Canterlot Hospital.

Luna whispered, “Did you really think Twilight and Spike are right? It would tear our *censored* if we pushed foals out of them!”

“No, and I have no idea why they think that, but Twilight doesn’t handle it well when I don’t trust her,” Celestia whispered back. “However, she always believes what doctors say, so if we can have one verify that mares do lay eggs after cuddling with stallions, we can ask them to tell it to Twilight later.”

“‘Tis a good idea. If we ask them to keep their conversation secret, it will help Twilight not feel humiliated about being wrong. But wait: if the plan is to have Twilight talk to a doctor, why did you not bring her with us?”

Celestia smiled sheepishly. “Hehe, the idea...slipped my mind. Blame my old mare memory and desire to not hurt Twilight’s feelings. Since we are almost at Canterlot Hospital, we might as well stick to my original plan.”

“Heh. Sometimes I wonder how Equestria survived this long with you at the helm,” Luna said in a tease, matching that tone with a playful smile.

“Like you fared much better when you took my place for a day?” Celestia countered with a smirk of her own.

The sisters giggled. A few seconds later, they reached Canterlot Hospital’s front door; the mares slowed their running and calmly walked through it.

In the hospital’s lobby, Celestia motioned a hoof toward a nurse, a white unicorn wearing a white hat bearing a design of a red cross, walking about. “I know I said ‘doctor’ but a nurse should suffice, so let’s ask her to help us.”

Luna nodded in agreement.

The Princesses ran toward the unsuspecting nurse, and Celestia asked, “Pardon us, but can you spare a minute?”

“Of course, Princess Celestia. What can I do for you?”

“Now, this may sound like a strange question, but please just bear with us,” Celestia pleaded. “I won’t bore you with all the details, but is it true that mares lay eggs after they cuddle with a stallion?”

The nurse stared blankly. “Uh...my apologies, but I don’t think I caught that. Can you ask it again?”

“I asked if mares lay eggs after cuddling with stallions?”

“Oh...you did ask that,” the nurse muttered. After a moment, she smiled and giggled. “Oh, I know, it's a joke! Ha ha, you’re a great comedian, Princess Celestia! I heard that you had all of Stablemart laughing during your last visit there!”

Celestia smiled in pride. “Well, I am pleased that my jokes are such a big hit, but I wasn’t joking this time.”

The nurse’s smile dropped like a rock. After a second, it returned, along with another giggle. “Oh, you’re still joking! You got me good the last time you pretended to be serious about something! I even tried that trick on–”

Luna scowled and shouted in her Royal Canterlot Voice, “SHE IS NOT KIDDING!!”

“Eep!” The nurse jumped. The instant her hooves landed back on the floor, she bowed in submission.

Other ponies in the lobby, including two receptionists behind a counter, stopped whatever they were doing and gawked at Luna in silence, eyes and mouth agape.

The loud Princess of the Night covered her mouth, then spoke normally, “Wait, I am sorry about that. I did not mean to shout, but Celestia truly was serious about her question. I have the same question myself.”

The nurse slowly raised her head, fighting shivers that being yelled at by a very powerful alicorn will force out. “Oh. Uh, well, in that case, no. Mares don’t lay eggs after cuddling with stallions, or at all. Foals don’t even hatch from eggs.”

“Really?” Both Celestia and Luna asked simultaneously.

“Y-yes.”

“So, how are foals born, if not from eggs?” Celestia asked.

The nurse grimaced. She looked toward nearby ponies standing up or sitting in chairs, but – unfortunately for her – none required any assistance . She was no stranger to answering a patient’s personal question, but she had never done anything like give “the talk” to one. Let alone to her Princesses!

“Um, are you feeling okay?” Celestia asked, eyes oozing concern.

“I-I am, but it’s, uh…” The unicorn lifted a hoof and glanced at it. “Oh, gee, look at the time! I’m sorry, but I have to...check something. Bye!” She hurried out of the lobby and dashed through one of the hospital’s hallways.

“Okay, that was weird,” Luna commented with a baffled frown.

“I agree. She wasn’t even wearing a watch. Maybe you frightened her when you yelled at her?”

Luna facehoofed. “Well, at least I had my best run yet. Two years is my new record of not accidentally making a pony scared of me, since I returned from the moon.”

“At least you have come a long way since then. But back to the matter at hoof: let’s try asking somepony else..”

One of Canterlot Hospital’s obstetricians, a brown pegasus stallion – wearing glasses and a white coat – stepped from a hallway and into the lobby. He strode toward the lobby’s counter and quietly spoke to a receptionist. It was as if the Universe held a grudge against him by choosing this moment to send him out.

The sisters walked to the obstetrician, and Celestia asked, “Excuse me, do you have a minute?”

He smiled warmly – and from caution to avoid being yelled at himself. “Yes, Princess Celestia. I think I can spare a few minutes.”

“Great! Luna and I just asked a nurse if foals hatch from eggs, and if mares lay them after cuddling with a stallion, but she...had to do something. It’s true about the eggs, right?”

“In case we should say it, Celestia was not joking.”

The stallion audibly blinked twice. His glasses tilted slideways. “Uh...no. Mares can’t even lay eggs, and even if they could, the eggs wouldn’t arise from cuddling. I mean, foals could be conceived after cuddling, but not due to it directly.”

Celestia and Luna stared at each other, non-verbally asking each other, “Are you serious?!”

However, Celestia forced herself to say, “I...see. So, how are foals made?”

The stallion looked to his left, then right, followed by a gulp. He didn’t see a way to escape from this predicament. As one of Canterlot Hospital’s top obstetricians, he couldn’t attempt to pass the buck to a fellow obstetrician.

‘Something tells me I’m going to regret this,’ he thought, then said out loud, “O...kay. Let’s go somewhere more private first.”

The obstetrician led Celestia and Luna from the lobby. He mentally cursed himself as he led the Princesses down hallways and into a small empty room. Once they were inside, the mares sat beside each other in chairs, and the hapless doctor closed the door.

While it was too low to hear, faint giggling from a champion echoed through the air.

“Now, first, tell me how much you two know about pony reproduction.”

“Well, doesn’t it start with a mare and stallion cuddling, then after a day, the mare lays her eggs?” Celestia asked.

“I...am afraid that none of that is correct,” he answered sheepishly.

“Oh, but this can’t be,” Celestia said, her eyes widening. “I obviously can’t remember when I hatched from my egg, but I was there when Luna hatched from hers!”

The obstetrician straightened his glasses. “I can look into it, but could egg-laying be unique to alicorns? I suppose Flurry Heart could have hatched from an egg Princess Cadance laid, and if so, it was never told to me.”

“Egg-laying shouldn’t be exclusive to alicorns, because all mares should be able to do it!” Celestia countered.

“My apologies, and I don’t know what to say. I have been an obstetrician for over fifteen years, and I have never, ever come across any pony eggs being laid in my experience, or even heard of it happening.”

“I...see.” Luna looked at Celestia, her ears drooping. “Could our memory be even worse than we thought?”

“It appears so, and this isn’t good.” Celestia sighed in acquiescence. “Our time to retire may be even sooner than I thought, but Twilight needs at leastanother couple of years before we dare ask–”

Luna poked Celestia in her ribs and whispered, “Hey, our idea for Twilight to someday rule Equestria is supposed to stay a secret!”

“Oh, right, I almost forgot that too,” Celestia whispered back. She spoke normally, “Um, anyway, I’m afraid that Luna and I have...forgotten. So, could you tell us?”

“Uh, well...I guess, if you really want me to.” The stallion glanced at an empty wall and groaned. “Great. My diagram of a mare’s reproductive organs that we sometimes show expectant patients was moved. I guess I could go and…no, I shouldn’t.” He massaged his temples.

‘I can’t ask one of the nurses for it and have to tell them about THIS! I can already hear them laughing! I’ll just wing it.’ He cleared his throat and said, “Uh, okay, it starts when a mare and stallion have intercourse. Afterward, the stallion’s sperm fertilizes the mare’s eggs inside one of her fallopian tubes, then, if all goes well, the new embryo implants itself in the lining of the mare’s uterus, or ‘womb’ about two weeks later. Over the course of the next eleven months, the embryo grows into a fully-formed foal.”

“Oh,” Luna mumbled. “I suppose mares push a foal through her *censored* once the foal is fully formed in the womb?”

“Y-yes, that’s right.”

Celestia and Luna stared at each other, yet again. Any remaining confidence they had of their view on foalbirth seeped from their eyes and into non-existence.

“I see.” Celestia sighed despondently, her ears slumping sideways. “We have much to think about, but before we go, may I ask one more thing?”

“Uh…*gulp*...what is it?”

“We were...advised not to ask, but I take it that ‘intercourse’ is another word for ‘sex’? Neither Luna nor I have heard of it until today, or we just forgot, so how does sex look or feel?”

“Does it feel good?” Luna asked with curious eyes, rivaling Twilight’s eyes when her inquisitive nature was triggered.

The obstetrician’s ears stood up. His pupils contracted and his cheeks blushing. “I beg your pardon?!”

“We asked how sex feels and if it feels good?” the poor innocent soul known as “Luna” responded. “Or have you never hadsex?”

“Your Highness!” he exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, his whole face red. “With all due respect, I-I don’t think this is the place for m-me to talk about my own...experiences!”

“I don’t understand.” Celestia, the other poor innocent soul, tilted her head in confusion. “We promise not to judge you, so was your sex bad, or did you do it wrong?”

“No, I…” One of the obstetrician’s eyes twitched. He lifted a forehoof and looked at it. “Oh, it’s getting late. I would love to answer that...question, but I have to go. Right now. Bye!” He ran toward the closed door, but ran into and bounced off it, letting out a pain-filled grunt. The freaked stallion swung the door open and zipped down the hallway.

“Okay, to repeat what I said before: that was weird,” Luna said. “Are invisible watches a thing?”

“I doubt it.” Celestia stared toward the open doorway. “He said that he would have ‘loved to’, so Twilight was at least wrong about ponies not wanting to talk about, in her words, ‘sex lives’.”

Luna stood from her chair. “Since everypony besides us seem to know about sex, let’s ask somepony else what it is. What do we have to lose at this point?”

“Okay. Let’s go.” Celestia rose from her chair, and she and Luna walked out of the room and down a hallway. Another male doctor, an earth pony that wore no glasses, trotted toward the clueless alicorns.

“Excuse me, do you have a moment?” Celestia asked.

“Greetings, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and yes, I have a second.”

“Okay, Luna and I are having serious memory problems about the matter, so we wanted to ask how does sex look?”

The newest victim sprung in the air, eyes bulging. “WHAT?!”

“Have you ever had it?” Luna asked.

The doctor’s cheeks reddened.

Suddenly, in both Celestia’s and Luna’s heads, memories of a mare and stallion cuddling and a mare laying eggs afterward vanished. Different memories warped into their place. They were of more “colorful” images of a mare’s and stallion’s intimacy – sex – how foals really are created, and how they are born.

Most of all, the full understanding of how a grown pony does not ask another pony they don't know if they had ever had sex, especially if they are of the opposite gender, registered in Celestia’s and Luna’s heads. Immense embarrassment assaulted not just every cell, but every atom in their bodies. Their majestically flowing manes collapsed and lay limp over their head and neck. The alicorns’ eyes bulged severely, and their faces ignited in a bright red.

For the first time, Princess Celestia bowed to a pony that wasn’t a fellow alicorn. “Oh, my, me, I am so, so, so sorry about asking that question. I-I-I don’t know what came over me.”

Luna joined in bowing. “N-n-nor do I. We are, uh–” Luna raised a forehoof and looked at it. “Oh, look at the time! We have, uh, princess duties in ten, no one minute!”

Celestia nodded, hard. “Yes we do, so let’s go! Um, bye!”

With their heads down, but their manes restarting their characteristic ethereal flowing, Celestia and Luna sprinted out of Canterlot Hospital. Outside, the royal sisters flapped their wings as hard as possible and flew over Canterlot, before finally stopping and landing near the city’s gates.

The Princess of the Day wiped her forehead of the sweat her flying had produced. “I will never be able to show my face in that hospital again, or even near it.”

“So I take it you also remembered that foals do not come from eggs and what sex is, so what in the tartarus was wrong with us?! We sounded like two buffoons in there!”

Celestia shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t have the faintest idea what was wrong. Worse, not only did we ask two stallions about their sex lives, but I asked one of them if they were bad at it! If word ever gets out about this...” Celestia collapsed to the street, covered her reddened face in utter mortification, and moaned. “Lulu, I don’t feel so good. We can’t even blame our age on this one.”

Luna leaned down and patted her sister on her back. “Do not worry, Celly. I think those doctors will be too embarrassed to dare tell even fellow doctors what we asked them.” She lifted her hoof off Celestia’s back and rose to her full height. “But more importantly, we need to figure out what was wrong with us. Maybe Twilight messed up another spell?”

Celestia rose to her hooves and thought about Luna’s theory, but shook her head. “That can’t be it. If that had been the case, she would have been trying to fix her mistake, not losing 20% of her body weight sweating and trying to...oh.” Her eyes grew at a second realization. “That is why she was so nervous! Can you imagine a mare her age trying to give mares our ages ‘the talk’?!”

“It must have been bad, but I think whatwe put those two poor doctors through in that hospital was worse. Nevertheless, we should do something for Twilight as an apology...and also those doctors if we ever get the nerve to face them again.”

“Yes, and I’m never doubting what Twilight says again, ever.” Celestia took a deep breath to compose herself. ”Luckily, she’s easy to appease: tell her you’re sorry, throw her a new book, and she’ll be happy–wait.” Celestia pointed her hoof in the air. “Is that Discord up there?”

“Hello, my favorite old mares!” Discord greeted, smugly lying across a cloud. “You two put on a wonderful show in that hospital! Five stars!” Five gold stars materialized and sparked around Discord’s cloud.

Celestia growled and gritted her teeth, her eyes locked in a scowl. “Discord, were you messing with our memories?!”

“Me?” Discord pointed a claw at himself. “Oh, I might have had some fun with your little memories.”

Luna’s scowled, matching her sister’s. “But why?! What is the meaning of this?! After all this time, I thought you had finally changed!”

“Oh, but I am changed! I’m 100% reformed!” Discord snapped his claw. A shirt with the words “reformed draconequus” poofed on his torso. “But let’s just say I was...helping out a friend.”

“Do you mean that Fluttershy sent you to do this?!” Celestia asked. “Why?!”

“Whaaat?” Discord laid his claw over his chest in mock surprise. ”What made you think it was my dear friend Fluttershy? Sure I’ve rubbed off on her a little, buuuuut–”

Celestia interjected, “I asked that because even we know she’s got you wrapped around her hoof.” Her ears sagged and she nervously bit her lip. “I just have no idea what we did to make her so mad.”

“What?! Fluttershy does not have me wra...oh, poo. She does.” Discord lay back on his cloud and gazed blankly upward in torn thought. “I can’t believe it. I, Discord, the Lord of Chaos, am now like a henpecked husband to a pegasus mare. I should reevaluate my life when I’m back home.”

Discord snapped from his sub-existential crisis and smirked down at the Princesses. “But that’s for later. As for your other questions...”

Discord went on to joyfully explain what was going in and why, mixed with some puns; he loves them. He also mentioned that the guard “reporting” news about conspiracy theories earlier was him in disguise.

After Discord’s story was over, Celestia said, “Oh. Well, we would be mad about you manipulating the map to ‘call’ Twilight and Spike to Canterlot, but at least Twilight learned a valuable lesson about not running from her responsibilities. The experience, strange as it was, will help her grow into a better pony.”

“In fact, Fluttershy will probably end up feeling so guilty later, she will beg Twilight to punch her. Even if she weren’t Equestria’s most feared mare when angry, we cannot get too mad at her.” Fire burned in Luna’s pupils. “However, for what you made us go through in that hospital just for ‘fun’…”

Luna’s scowl intensified. Her horn glowed blue.

Celestia jumped in front of Luna and pleaded, “W-wait! I understand how you feel, but don’t do it!”

“Why not?! Nothing I can do can inflict serious damage because he’s Discord!”

The elder alicorn glowered at Discord. Fire blazed in her eyes. “Because I want the first shot!”

With that, Celestia’s horn glowed gold. A mighty beam of magic fired from it and smashed into the cloud Discord had lain on.

The beam faded. However, the cloud that was struck, instead of being gone, had reformed to spell out “Missed me!”

From a different cloud, Discord mockingly waved his claw. “My, you are getting old, Sunbutt! That would have hit me in the good ‘ol days!”

“I’M JUST GETTING WARMED UP, DISCORD,” Celestia roared in her Royal Canterlot Voice, “AND DON’T CALL ME ‘SUNBUTT’!”

“Then how about ‘Old Mare Celly’? Or ‘Ms. Runs-to-Twilight-a-lot'? Or if you keep pigging out on cake, I could call you ‘Fatbutt’! Ooh, I like–”

A blue beam streaked toward Discord. He bent himself backward and the blast flew just over him, but took out his new cloud.

“NOPONY CALLS MY SISTER ‘FATBUTT’ BUT ME!!”

The sisters soared into the sky, both firing magic blasts. Discord dodged some blasts via aerial weaves. Other beams he teleported to evade them.

“Not bad! Now your aim is only off by about 50% of what it was one-thousand years ago!”

“WE IS GOING TO ‘50%’ YOU!!” Luna unleashed her largest beam yet, but Discord danced out of its way and teasingly stuck out his tongue.

“Better! That one was only off by 48%!”

The Equestrian Heavyweight Champion of trolling was in prime form. He and the two livid alicorns zipped through the air. Beams fired from the fury of vast humiliation lit up the sky.

Later at Canterlot’s train station...

Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy stepped off the Friendship Express and wandered into the streets of Canterlot. Fluttershy had her head hung down, and her right cheek was swollen and red.

“I still can’t believe you, Fluttershy.”

“I know, Twilight,” Fluttershy said meekly, “and I am so sorry about my plan. I was just–”

“No, I understand why you wanted to get back at me,” Twilight said in a truly understanding voice. “I should have told Spike where foals come from years ago, but I was...too squeamish. You and Rainbow shouldn’t have had to do my job for me.”

“Oh.” Fluttershy lifted her head, her shame-filled eyes shifting into puzzled ones. “Well, why did you sound so disappointed in me?”

“I wasn’t disappointed or angry at you; I just couldn’t believe that you begged me to punch you. You’re one of my best friends, so I hated to physically hurt you like that! Besides, I’m more frustrated about how everyone laughed at me about...that.” Twilight blew a deep sigh. “At least Sunset Shimmer didn’t find it funny when I told her about it in our journal.”

“I know I was persistent with my begging and even got on my knees. But, after I asked Discord to change the Princesses’ memories for something they had nothing to do with, I deserved to be punched. We even almost lost Starlight because she laughed so hard about what...happened.” Fluttershy lowered her head for a second time. “He didn’t mind my plan, but what was I thinking asking something like that?”

“Well, let’s find Celestia and Luna as fast as we can, so you can tell them what happened and apologize. They should have talked to a doctor by now, so they are probably–wait, look up there!” Twilight pointed in the air. “Is that the Princesses chasing Discord?!”

Fluttershy gasped and gazed upward. Above, Celestia and Luna, both with sweat raining from their foreheads, continued to fire beams of magic at Discord, who narrowly avoided them. A few ponies in Canterlot had their eyes on the mid-air battle; some ate popcorn or candy as they watched.

“Well, well, seven hours, and you are still going like two energizer ponies!” Discord floated sideways, still smirking at Celestia and Luna. “Impressive for ponies your age, even if you still can’t hit me!”

Fighting pants, Celestia declared, “We…*pant*...might not be in our prime anymore, but we aren’t ready to…*pant*...retire at Seaward Shoals yet!”

As the aerial battle resumed, Fluttershy laid a hoof on her cheek. “Oh, my. Discord must have already told them what happened, and I have a feeling he...waited to give them their real memories back. Should we go up there and try to stop them?”

Twilight rubbed her chin, watching the battle over Canterlot rage on. She smiled and answered, “Not yet. I have another idea.”

“What?”

Twilight’s horn glowed and fired a magenta beam down at the street. Two chairs, each with a bag of popcorn sitting beside them, materialized at where the beam contacted the street; Twilight hopped onto one of them. She sat back comfortably, picked up the bag of popcorn by her chair with her magic, and floated some popcorn into her mouth.

“If I know Discord, he’s going to grow too cocky and let his guard down, so let’s see how much longer it will take before he’s hit. Then, I’ll go and ask Celestia and Luna to stop.”

Luna fired a mighty blue-colored blast. It grazed Discord’s tail, causing him to spin end-over-end.

“Yes! I got him!” Luna cheered, pumped her forehooves up and down in celebration, despite her fatigue. “Score one for Luna!”

Discord straightened out his tailspin and leered at Luna. “That was just a lucky shot, Moonbutt!”

Celestia grinned, her wariness draining from the sight of Luna successfully landing a blow. “More like your luck has run out, Discord! Now let’s see if I can give you another ‘spin’!”

Twilight smacked her cheek to knock away the huge smile that had lit on her face. She looked at Fluttershy with a sheepish grin. “D-did I say I would go and stop them after the first hit? I meant after the second–no, tenth hit. Uh, for science, not my amusement.”

Earlier, in the human world…

After Princess Twilight Sparkle had informed Sunset Shimmer about her “friendship mission” via their magically connected journals, Sunset Immediately passed the news to seven of her friends: six girls and a purple dog, Spike. They were all in Sunset’s living room when Princess Twilight’s message was sent.

However, they all shrugged their shoulders. None of them thought what the Princess of Friendship endured was amusing and went about their business.

No, of course that last paragraph isn’t true!

What actually happened is that after Sunset told her friends the news, she and most of them roared in laughter. The two friends that truly didn’t laugh, Fluttershy and Spike, watched on in silence.

“Ha ha ha! Oh, that ‘talk’ must have been a sight to see!” Rainbow shouted while holding her stomach.

“No kidding!” Twilight chimed in, her glasses tilting. “Ha ha! Poor other me!”

Tears rolled down Applejack’s eyes from laughing. “Spike not understandin’ why she was squirmin’ and sweatin’ so bad must have made it even worse! Ha ha ha!”

“Laughing at Princess Twilight like this is so wrong and undignified, but I can’t help it!” Rarity wiped tears from her eyes.

“I wish that ‘Cutie Map’ would have called me too!” Pinkie chimed in, who had fallen on her back when she started laughing. “Today was sooooo boring!”

“I wish I understood what is so funny,” Spike said with a puzzled frown.

“And I wish I knew why it feels like everything was somehow my fault,” Fluttershy said, her hand lying against her cheek.

Sunset calmed her laughing down and said, “Okay. Girls, that was hilarious, but let’s cool it before our hearts stop like Starlight Glimmer’s did.”

The rest of the girls calmed their laughter, though Pinkie and Rainbow failed to suppress one final giggle.

“Now,” Sunset began, her frown and eyes oozing seriousness, “the next time Princess Twilight comes to visit us, no one spill how we were laughing about what she went through. Deal?”

“Deal,” everyone else responded.

“No complaints here,” Rainbow said, but a memory forced a shudder from her. “I will never forget what happened after we laughed at a new ‘dance’ she tried to show us.”

Author's Note

Hmm. Sounds like some mayhem happened when Princess Twilight showed off some dancing, if she can even call her dancing "dancing"! At least the school survived whatever happened.

I was thinking of trying to have more of the aftermath of Celestia's and Luna's visit to the hospital, but I couldn't figure out a way to do it in this chapter with so much happening. That feels like something that could be better suited for a sequel than a bonus chapter if I were to do it.