Chapters What if Flim and Flam Were Raised by Granny?
Start The Day With An Apple.
A gentle breeze swept through Sweet Apple acres on a calm morning.
The sun was high in the sky as Granny Smith, the matriarch of Sweet Apple Acres, reclined in her rocking chair to admire her orchard.
Her seat gently swayed back and forth smoothly, like warm butter on a knife. There wasn’t a single squeak or creak after her two oldest grandkids fixed her old rocking chair. Even the floorboards of their patio were nice and tight, a sturdy piece of work that made her swell with pride at their work.
She just wished that they didn’t add all of the weird buttons to her foreleg rest, though.
Granny Smith had no idea why she would ever need to press a button to warm her seat or make it shake like their broken blender. If she needed to feel warm, she’d grab a blanket, and if she wanted a massage then she’d get one of them to do it. There was a method to doing things, a tradition that the brothers felt almost driven to ignore whenever they were left to their own devices.
And, as if the universe decided to provide their grandmother with an example of their stubbornness, a loud explosion from deep in the orchard rang out in the air, shattering any semblance of a peaceful day as a pillar of smoke began to rise in the distance.
With a reserved sigh, the green mare got out of her seat and began marching into the orchard.
“Darn colts and their toys, always blowin’ somethin’ up. Musta gotten it from their father, I swear.”
An aggressive roar pierced the air as a tall metal monstrosity began to shake violently.
Below, a lanky yellow coated unicorn stallion with a red and white peppermint mane froze the wheels in place with a spell. “Flam! Any day now!” He called out as he struggled against its pull.
“I know!” A voice inside of the machine yelled back. “Just… Need ta… There!” he exclaimed.
The aggressive metal monster suddenly slowed to a crawl, savoring what few seconds it had left before falling silent. Flim, after releasing a breath e didn’t know he was holding, let go of the wheels and fell to his haunches as he took a few labored breaths.
Shortly thereafter, a stallion who looked exactly like him, with the exception of a red mustache on his upper lip, crawled out of the inert machine with a frayed mane and a stained coat. He sat next to his brother, staring at their creation for a few silent moment before he began to chuckle.
“Heh-heh- Hey, look on the bright side. At least it didn’t—”
An explosion suddenly cut off the mustached twin as the machine’s internal combustion engine shot into the sky.
“Blow up?” Flim asked with an annoyed tone.
“I was gonna say, ‘tear down too many trees.’ But hey, at least it’s all still mostly in one piece! All it needs is a new engine and some paint, and it’ll be good as new~!.”
“Really? That’s wonderful! But there’s a problem with that, Flam.”
“What?”
“We don’t have bits to buy the material we need!”
“Oh… Well… We uh… Look on the bright side?”
“Which is?”
“… I got nothin’,” Flam relented before the machine suddenly shook again, as if to cling to whatever life remained, and deployed an olive-green parachute decorated in hoof-sewn apples that fell over the broken machine.
“… … Why did we add a parachute again?” Flam wondered aloud.
“It must’ve been left over from the biplane we tried to make.”
“But I thought we used most of that for the tugboat.”
“We did, but we were pulling junk out of the wreckage pile to build this. I guess we accidentally grabbed a few parts left over.”
“Parts left over from what?” Granny Smith asked.
“Well, there’s the tractor, the—Granny!” Flim cried, turning to meet his grandmother’s accusatory eye as Flam turned alongside his brother.
“Granny! What uh… What are you doing here?”
“I was thinkin’ about bucking a few trees and get some work in.”
“But Granny, you shouldn’t be…” Flam trailed off, hoping that Flim could take the lead and convince their grandmother.
“You should just go and rest. Flam and I can pick these trees clean in only a few hours.”
“Oh?” She stated with a raised brow, taking a glance at the big green tarp behind them. “And how are ya gonna do that? Hm?”
“Uh… Honest hard work and a harder pair of hooves?” Flam answered nervously.
“Exactly. Now, what’s under that there tarp?”
“What tarp? I don’t see a tarp, do you Flim?”
“Nope. All I see is green leaves and an open orchard.”
“We’ve never even heard of a tarp before,” Flam concluded, earning an elbow from his brother as they wore tight smiles.
A long and quiet glare from their granny was enough to break the two, as they dropped their shoddy facade and lifted the tarp to reveal… Well, she wasn’t sure what it was, but it smelled like trouble.
“You’re tinkerin’ again?” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand.
“Okay, fine. Ya caught us, Granny,” Flam admitted. “B-but just listen! It’s an apple picker that can make cider faster than a pony can say, ‘Cider please.’ Right there, at their hooves, and—”
“Nope,” she interrupted firmly. “You two are Apples, ya hear? We do things by tradition on this farm. That means ya use yur hooves and ya work”
“But Granny—”
“No butts, except yours in the field bucking trees. Got it?”
“Yes Granny,” they chorused.
“Good. Now, take yer toy to the shed and keep it there. Celestia knows what’ll happen if Bloom tries to play with it,” she ordered, earning a pair of sad nods from the duo before she gave them a surprise hug.
“And don’t ya dare try ta do somethin’ dangerous, ya hear? I know ya can handle yerselves, but… Well, I’m old. I earned the right ta be worried about you two. Got it?”
“Yes Granny,” they answered in unison.
“Good. Now, get ta work. Lunch’ll be in an hour and I expect ya to be there on time.”
The two brothers nodded, a hint of solemn sadness still in their features as they trudged off to the shed with their latest failure in tow.
Granny Smith simply stared as her grandchildren slinked off, her eyes instantly drawn to their emerald colored magic as they both worked to lift it away. Her gaze soon fell to the ripe apples that hung off of the tree branches around her, each one begging to fall into a basket and feed hungry ponies outside the farm. With a final dejected sigh, Granny Smith began trotting back to the house as the brothers got to work.
What if Flim and Flam Were Raised by Granny?
An Apple A Day Pays The Bills.
The sun above Sweet Apple Acres was beating down on Flim and Flam’s thin coats as they reared up their hooves, striking their respective trees with all the strength they could muster with each buck.
Flim’s legs burned as his hooves begged for mercy, a plea that went ignored when he tried to buck the tree again, sending a small hoof-full of apples into a wooden bucket that sat next to him. He painted heavily as his brother fought with his own tree, kicking the base with a heavy hoof as he swept the sweat off of his brow.
“How… How many apples ya got, Flam?”
“’Bout a dozen or so… Buck. She doesn’t let us pluck ‘em off the trees with a spell. Can’t hit them with a stick either, we gotta buck ‘em. It’s always her way or the high trail,” Flam moaned. “If she’d just give us the farm then we could take care of everything! We’d be able ta pay the doctors, if she’d just give us a chance.”
“I hear ya, brother. But, it’s not like we can do much since the land’s in her name after… After ma and pa passed.”
“… Bloom looks a lot like ma, don’t she?” Flam wondered aloud, passing an empty basket to his brother as he continued bucking his tree.
“Yeah… She’s got pa’s coat too.”
“Just like us,” Flam said, an unspoken reassurance between them. In a small town mostly full of earth ponies, rumors would spread like wildfire about any “different” births.
A lot of mean colts and fillies would parrot their parents, accusing their ma of having a one-night stand with a patrolling guard, or saying that the brothers were adopted because their “real” parents didn’t love them. Young ponies could be really cruel when they got creative.
The two brothers had to grow a thick coat after that, and then a thicker one when their parents passed, leaving the two teens to watch after their grandmother and a little filly who was still in diapers. They took any side job outside of the farm they could to make ends meet.
“… So, what are we gonna do, Flim?” The mustached brother asked in between futile bucks to the tree. “Princess Celestia’s gonna be here for the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration in a week!”
“I know, Flam.”
“We can’t buck over three thousand apples in just seven days!”
“I know, Flam.”
“And even if we could, we can’t hoof squeeze the cider we’ll need by then.”
“I know, Flam!” His brother yelled. “I get it, we’re screwed. Up the Smooze’s Creek without a paddle, sittin’ in front of Discord with an oil painting, out in the rain without an umbrella. We… We’re doomed,” Flam’s brother lamented, falling to his haunches as he stifled his tears.
“We… This was supposed to be our chance. Finally prove ta Granny that we can make the farm better. She could retire, Bloom wouldn’t have to start missin’ classes just to help out here. Buck! Those colts were right about us.”
“Hey, hey. No they weren’t,” Flam consoled, before an idle thought struck him. “Which colts, again?”
“Those big city colts, remember? They said we were just a pair of screwups and look. We’ve got a shed full of scrap and barely any bits to get by.”
“Hey, we’re not screwups. I mean, do you know anypony else that can build those?”
“What’s it matter when nopony wants to buy them? Granny won’t let us use them, and Celestia knows you and I can’t find a pony willing to pay what we’re asking for. Only pony who could afford them is Filthy Rich, and… Well, you know how Granny hates us talking to him about business.”
“… We could just not tell her,” Flam mused.
“You mean lie? To Granny?!” Flim asked, quickly rising to his hooves to match his brother’s height. “Flam, we might not be the most honest of Apples, but I’m not lying to her.”
“We wouldn’t be lying, we’d… We’d just be throwing her a surprise!”
“Flam, we… I can’t, Flam. I might be a liar, buck I’d lie to Princess Celestia if it’d help Granny. But her? Na-uh. Nope, I ain’t lying to the mare who raised us,” Flim decided.
“Then what are we gonna do, Flim?”
“I don’t know, just… Just let me think. We’ve got a week to do the impossible and convince Princess Celestia to drink Apple Cider so we can nab a picture and use it to advertise.”
“Right, but we can’t meet our quota or afford to give a free ,” he shuddered at that word. “sample to the princess.”
“So… We… Apples, we need apples for cider, can’t get the cider without more apples,” Flim began to muse, pacing around the tree in circles as he muttered to himself. “No magic allowed, machine’s busted so we can’t use that. Apple family reunion!” Flim shouted. “They’ll be here for the Apple Family Reunion, we can… No,” Flim instantly shot down.
“No help there?”
“You wanna ask cousin Bareburn to work when he’s on vacation? Besides, we do this our way. We don’t need anypony else’s help. We just… Okay, so five days. They’ll be here two days before the Summer Sun Celebration, so five. Three thousand divided by five.”
“Six hundred apples a day.”
“Right.”
“More if we want a full day of making cider.”
“Okay. Three thousand divided by four.”
“Mmm… Seven fifty,” Flam answered. “About an apple a minute between us at least if we work twelve solid hours.”
“Okay… Okay, we can do that. Just need to take less breaks.”
“Granny’ll tan our hides if we miss breakfast, lunch, or dinner. We also need to buck enough apples to sell at market without missing the three thousand quota for cider.”
“Alright, yes, thank you Flam,” Flam’s brother moaned. “… Buck, we need more time. Can’t ask Bloom, she needs to be ready for school. Don’t want Granny to hurt herself…. Okay, so let’s say thirty-five hundred in four days.”
“Eight seventy-five,” Flam answered hesitantly, causing Flim to hiss through his teeth.
“Over eight hundred apples a day,” Flim lamented. “Okay… Okay, we can do this… Maybe.”
He swiftly turned to buck the tree again, causing five apples to fall off of their branches and land in the padded buckets. “Eight hundred divided by two,” Flim stated.
“Four hundred. But, for eight seventy-five, that’d be four thirty-seven and a half for both of us.”
“Alright. And what are we at now?”
“Um… Thirty.”
“Perfect! How long have we been working?”
“… Forty-five minutes,” Flam muttered, causing his brother’s smile to wane slightly.
“Okay, a bit behind schedule, but… Is that thirty in your bucket, or…”
“Each,” Flam answered.
“Darn, I was afraid you’d say that… We’ll figure something out later. Let’s… Let’s just get as much done as we can and go from there,” Flim decided as he bucked the tree again.
Unfortunately, the other apples in the tree appeared to more resilient than the few they managed to collect so far. “Buck. flam, help me out here. You take one side, I’ll take the other.”
His mustached twin easily complied, if only a little sluggishly because of his sore hooves, and helped his tired sibling. With a little bit more effort, the two of them were able to clear two and a half trees in two hours, bringing up their required eight hundred total to a hundred and seven.
It wasn’t long after that that the siblings both collapsed under a tree in exhaustion, taking refuge in the tree’s generous shade as they hid from the fiery tormenter that hung in the sky.
With nothing but their ragged breaths and a few spells to keep them cool, Flim reached for an apple before recoiling his hoof, hesitant to touch the product they worked so hard to get.
“What if we hire somepony?” Flam suddenly suggested.
“What? What for?”
“Bucking apples.”
“Flam, we don’t have the bits to hire help.”
“Well somepony in town must need something fixed. Pinkie Pie?”
“Fixed the stoves last week.”
“Rarity?”
“Sewing Machines are good as new.”
“What’s her face, with the glasses?”
“We ended up breaking her speaker system and had to pay her back.”
“Right… Celestia damnit, how are we supposed to get over three thousand apples?”
“I don’t know,” Flim bemoaned into his hooves.
The brothers were always great at cutting corners, keeping Sweet Apple Acres afloat another year or so with a good number of their ideas. A lucrative deal here, an endorsement there, and they had suddenly got their hooves on enough bits to keep their livelihood. The problem was that they always had enough to get by, but never a reserve or a surplus they could tap into.
Still mulling over a few plans that could work, and also backfire immensely if they didn’t, the brothers sat under the tree pondering ideas until a young filly called their names.
“Flim~! Flam~! Ya’ll out here?” The squeaky voice called out.
“Over here!” Flim yelled, summoning the smallest apple of their family to their side.
Apple Bloom, a young filly with a coat only a shade lighter than her brothers, and a light red mane that blended into her bow, bounded over to the two as Flim raised an eye brow.
“Bloom? What are you doing here?”
“Granny told me ta come get’cha. Lunch is on the table right now,” she chirped.
“But Apps, aren’t you supposed to be in school right now?” Flam asked.
“I was. Taday was a half-day.”
“Half-day? I thought the half day was tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I was pretty sure tomorrow was the half day,” Flam agreed.
“Right, I remember. Thursday was a half day.”
“Today’s Thursday,” Apple Bloom jumped in, causing the two brothers to freeze as Flam mumbled out a single question.
“Today’s Thursday?”
“Yup!”
“Oh, oh shoot, Bloom. We’re so sorry, we didn’t know,” Flim apologized as he slowly got up. “We shoulda been there to pick you up.”
“How did you get home anyway?” Flam added, rising to his hooves as he stretched his hind-leg.
“I walked all the way over. Anyway, come on, the soup’ll get cold!” She said, turning tail and quickly galloping away as her two siblings stood alone in the orchard.
“… Thirty-five hundred divided by three, then divided by two?”
“Impossible,” Flam sighed.
“Rats!” Flim hissed as the two dejectedly walked back to the farm house. “Fine, we… We’ll figure something out after lunch.”
“Sure we will,” Flam agreed with the same bombastic enthusiasm of a rock.
It was certainly bad if even “Mr. Bright-side” couldn’t even find anything positive to say. Still, they would endure and find a way to keep their livelihood intact, they had faced worse than a tight deadline and impossible odds.
Flim just wished he could think of one of those times at the moment.
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What if Flim and Flam Were Raised by Granny?
Step 1: Apples, Step 2: ???, Step 3: Profit!
Crisp sunlight bounced into Flim’s eyes as he cleaned a new iron pan, sending a glare up to Celestia’s hot ball of gas before passing the soap covered pan to Flam to rinse off. All the while, the two traded ideas back and forth about their latest invention.
“Magic propulsion using the kinetic energy of an enchanted bouncing ball,” Flam suggested.
“Casing inside would wear out sooner or later, assuming the ball doesn’t reach mach speed and burn itself to a crisp,” Flim retorted as he scrubbed a glass in his telekinetic grip.
“Alright, what about using a coal burning stove for the power?”
“Might work, but having that be connected to the machine would probably boil any of the apple cider we make,” the clean shaven brother pointed out.
“Hamster wheel?”
“Did you honestly forget the last time we made Fluttershy upset?” Flim asked incredulously.
“I didn't, but it could be worth it for that picture with Celestia,” Flam argued.
“Hmmm… Put a pin in it for now. What else ya got?”
“What'cha doooin’?” Apple Bloom asked, suddenly appearing between the two brothers without any warning.
After fumbling with one of Granny’s favorite mugs for a few moments, Flim tentatively set it down on the counter before shooting Apple Bloom with a disapproving look.
“Bloom, what’d we say about sneaking up on ponies?”
“Only ta do it ta suckers!” She happily cheered.
“What? Nooo! We said not too!” Flam said loudly, before quietly whispering to Apple Bloom. “Good job on remembering, Apps.”
“Thanks. So, what's goin' on?”
“Not much. Just thinking about how to make the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6,001 not blow up,” Flam answered, earning a light slap with a wet rag from Flim.
“Didn’t Granny say yur not allowed ta fiddle with yer doohickies?” The youngest apple asked.
“Technically, she just told us to be safe, and to keep you away from it, you little trouble maker, you,” Flim said, booping his little sister’s muzzle with a sud soaked hoof.
“But Granny said we need ta do things by tradition,” she pointed out, rubbing off the few bubbles that stuck to her muzzle as Flim began to clean another plate.
“Tradition’s good an’ all, Bloom. But, sometimes, things need to change. I mean, do unicorns still raise and lower the sun?” He asked, earning a head shake from his little sister.
“Nope. The Princess’ been doin’ it.”
“Exactly! Princess Celestia can do the job of ten unicorns, heck, a hundred unicorns. It’s about time we make something that makes our job easier too.”
“Ya wanna make another Princess Celestia?” Apple Bloom asked with a tilted head.
Flim and Flam couldn’t help but snort at that
“No, we just wanna make something to make it easier on the farm,” Flim said.
“Something that puts Sweet Apple Acres on the map!” Flam added gleefully. “Believe us, Apps. By the time you’re our age, you’ll understand. Progress has no breaks!”
“Oh, we’ll probably need to replace the breaks on the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6001, too,” Flim stated, passing the plate over to his brother to rinse off.
“What if I quit school ta help out?” Apple Bloom asked.
“No,” the brothers answered immediately. “No way.”
“No how.”
“Not in a million years.”
“Never,” they chorused.
“But come on! I can help, I’ma big filly!” She tried to argue, earning a pair of head shakes from her older brothers.
“Not gonna happen, Bloom,” Flim said. “You’re going to school and that’s final, no questions.”
“Except the ones you ask your teacher, Apps,” Flam helpfully added.
“But I don’t need school! I can write, an’ spell, an’ I can do math! Remember when ya asked me ta help ya fix the patio?” Applebloom asked, hoping to convince her stoic brothers.
“That’s different, Apps. Ya need to go to school to learn and make friends.”
“Flam’s right, Bloom. Flam and I went to school, and look at how smart we turned out,” Flim boasted.
“Then why’d ya stop goin’?” Applebloom asked, causing the pair to fall silent.
“Uh… We were...” Flim trailed off, giving Flam the perfect opportunity to jump in.
“We were too smart!”
“What?” Flim asked.
“Really?” Apple Bloom asked with willing curiosity.
“Yup, we aced every test growing up. Flim, you remember that math test, right, the one from fifth grade?”
“Oh yeaaah. Mr. Strict thought we were cheating and had us answer a ton of questions in front of the class.”
“Right? And remember science class?”
“With the baking soda and the compressed bottle cannon we made?” Flim asked in a gleefully nostalgic tone.
“Granny couldn’t decide if she wanted to laugh or shout at us. Though, it was Professor Doctor’s fault for leaving that duct-tape just lying around.”
“And don’t forget that meat-head ‘Bulk’. Bleh, he had it coming for being a jerk.”
“Reaaaal piece of work, that guy,” Flam agreed.
“So ya both were really too smart for school?” Apple Bloom butted in, causing the twins to remember what had initially set them on the road of fond memories.
Clearing his throat, Flim grabbed Apple Bloom’s attention as he thought up an excuse. “Well, we were certainly the smartest in the class back then. But there were a lot of reasons why we stopped. We didn’t have friends there, we could study on our own time, and going to school didn’t seem that important to us.”
“Then why should I go? I’m just as smart as you two.”
“Oh really? Quick, what’s seven times five?” Flim asked.
“Uh… Five, ten, fifteen, twenty,” Apple Bloom muttered.
“You’re staying in school, Apps,” Flam finished, earning a nod from Flim as the brothers settled their argument. Their younger sister couldn’t do anything more than groan in annoyance as her siblings continued to wash the last of the dishes.
“But I hate school. It’s boring,” Apple Bloom protested.
“Then make it fun. Why, if there was one thing we… learned…” Flim trailed off, earring a worried pair of looks from his siblings.
“Flim, ya’ll okay?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Flam, bathroom!” Flim yelled, grabbing his twin in his magic as he pulled him upstairs into their rather snug bathroom.
Shutting the door behind them, Flim hoped over to the sink and set the hot and cold valves to their highest settings, bathing the room in a soft steam as Flam fixed his coat with a hoof.
“Flim, what’s—”
“Kinetic energy!” Flim interrupted happily as he used the fogged glass on the bathroom mirror as a makeshift board to draw out his plan. “You were right Flam, kinetic energy could work for the S.S.C.S, wow, I just realized we need a shorter name. Anyway, it could work, but there were a few problems. First, a hamster would be too small and Fluttershy would probably make us watch over Angel, again ” he shuddered. “But, if we could gather kinetic energy from somewhere else and bring it to the Squeezer One, like the new name?”
“Really rolls off the tongue.”
“Good, anyway, the Squeezer One could gather kinetic energy from somewhere else and then use that to power itself.”
“Okay, but what would we use?”
“Not what, who. It’s simple, dear brother, Apple Bloom said school was boring, so we’ll ‘help’ make it fun for her and the others.”
“And how does that help us?”
“Easy, there’s one repair job in town that neither of us have wanted to touch. And, we could use it to generate the energy we need,” Flim finished, drawing an image of a familiar school house with a broken playground.
“You… You want to use the kinetic energy of a seesaw, a twirler, and a swing set… I love it!” Flam cheered before a thought struck him. “Oh… We have to help her , don’t we?” He groaned, earning a sage nod from Flim.
“Afraid so, Flam. If we don’t, then we’ll have just wasted a day for nothing and we’re already short a day since we forget today was Thursday. One of us’ll need to go to market tomorrow and sell apples while the other stays here and makes cider.”
“Do we even have enough apples to sell tomorrow?”
“With enough coffee and desperation, I can guarantee we’ll have enough apples by tomorrow, or my name isn’t Flim Apple. Now come on, we need to buck some trees and prepare for a midnight visit to the school,” Flim said as he quickly raced out of the bathroom and halfway down the hall before he noticed that his brother wasn’t following.
“Well, what are you waiting for?”
“Um, I actually do have to use the bathroom,” Flam said, earning a sigh from Flim as he shut the door.
“Make it quick!” He ordered as he trotted down the stairs.
The two had quite the busy evening and night ahead of them.
What if Flim and Flam Were Raised by Granny?
Funny Apple Related Saying That's Relevant.
The moon hung high in the sky as the mare inside it glared down at the slumbering ponies below.
As for the ponies who weren’t asleep, there was one mare in a lilac colored coat with a bottle tucked under her foreleg. She stumbled blindly through the streets, humming a garbled tune as she grew closer to a small schoolhouse on the edge of town.
A lot of beer and some good company had caused Berry to be locked out of her house, and she knew one pony who would be able to help her. All she had to do was trot to the school, knock on the door, and then her sister would help her.
Easy peasy lemon squeaky when it’s sleazy cause cheesy pot pie and she don’t care, cheesy pot pie, and don’t care, “Cheesy pot pie an’ I don’ care!” She sung.
Second verse, same as the first! As she was enjoying her time singing, a voice suddenly cut through the darkness and knocked her off her rhythm. So rude.
“Who’s there?” A stallion’s voice shouted, before another one joined it.
“Flam, what. is. Wrong with you,” they complained.
“What? I wanted to know who was out there.”
“Flam. We’re trespassing .”
Peering through the darkness, Berry trotted through the playground and saw two lanky unicorns with bright red manes sitting next to . Flam and Flim, if she remembered right.
“What’re you doin’ here?” She asked, earning a pair of cautious looks from the twins.
“… What are you doing here?” Flam… Flim? Buck, they looked the same, asked.
“I asked first,” Berry argued.
“… No, you didn’t, we did,” one of them countered. Damn, really? She was worse than she thought.
“I’m here to see if Cher’s done with work yet.”
“Berry, it’s midnight,” the yellow unicorn chastised, running a hoof across their face as he sighed.
“Oh. Well what are you doing here?” Berry asked again.
“We got your permission to help rebuild the playground, remember?” The one with a red blob on their muzzle said.
Really? Wow, Berry was such a considerate sister then. Look at her, helping out her little sis and making sure those tail biters were happy. Oh hey, the sky is suddenly staring at her. Silly stars.
The two sober stallions watched Berry’s descent into a giggle fit end with the mare falling on her side before passing out in the dirt.
“… Should we help her up?” Flim asked.
“I won’t say anything if you won’t,” Flam stated, creating a silent agreement between the siblings to let sleeping idiots lie.
Their shovels sunk into the brittle dirt below as they tore out the base of the old twirler and scrubbed out the grime and replaced it with the new, definitely not made out of spare plane parts, twirler. It had been a hassle to secretly lug the heavy metal park piece all the way from Sweet Apple Acres, but it was the only major piece that needed to be completely replaced.
The seesaw only needed new cushions and a sturdier plank of wood, and the swing-sets needed a Flim and Flam specially branded adhesive remover.
“Heh, we sure left this place for worse when we were done,” Flim remised, sighing in nostalgia as he looked at the new bell in the tower. “They still haven’t found that bell yet, huh?”
“I guess not. I’m pretty surprised that the glue is still holding on those swing-set chains.”
“Of course, only the best for a little revenge before we finally left this dump.”
“Yeah… Can’t say I feel too good about it now that Apps is going here,” Flam said, earring a dejected sigh from his twin.
“Yeah. But hey, at least we’re fixing them now for her,” Flim decided, adding the final touch to each plaything by hiding a small device on each one. “And, with these convertors, these little munchkins will fix our problems too.”
“Alright, that settles it. Anything we missed?”
“Hmmm. Swings?”
“Swung right around.”
“Seesaw.”
“It’ll see better days.”
“Twirler?”
“It uh… Oh, it made a complete turn-around!” Flam joked.
“Perfect! Now, for the finishing touch,” Flim said, lightning up his horn and activating the gemstones attached to each receiver. “By this time tomorrow, we’ll be sleeping in… Yawn, in money.”
“Per… Perfect,” Flam agreed, shaking off the temptation to sleep for a few more minutes. “We… We better get home Flim.”
“You said it Flim.”
“You’re Flim,” Flam corrected.
“I know. I said Flam.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“Did not.”
“Did t-you know what, forget it. Just help me lug this stuff back home so we can sleep.”
“You… You got it!” Flam agreed, using a spell to lift up half of the playground’s old twirler and the other tools and pieces they brought with them.
It was a long trot back to Sweet Apple Acres after that. Their hooves carried them all the way to the shed of their humble home, before Flam finally fell victim to his heavy eye-lids and fell to the ground. His brother was no better, only making it a foot away from the latch of the shed before he slumped onto the dirt and laid his head.
The twins, being no strangers to having loose dirt and grass acting as their beds after a long day and night of work, didn’t wake up from their arguably very comfortable rest until Celestia’s sun began to peer over the horizon.
What if Flim and Flam Were Raised by Granny?
Life's Like a Bustle of Apples... Somehow.
The sun, being the evil trickster that it was, silently crept over the horizon like a predator, bathing the land in warm light as it rose higher in the sky.
Stirring softly from their relaxing rest, Flam opened his eyes to see the sun stare daggers into his eye sockets, prompting him to block the sun with a hoof as he pulled himself off of the ground.
“Morning Flim,” Flam groaned, washing out the taste of morning breath from his mouth with his tongue.
“Morning… MORNING!” Flim suddenly exclaimed, grabbing all of the leftover supplies and the old playground twirler with his magic. It took only a few moments for Flam to suddenly catch on and awake himself up, joining his brother’s side to help lift the heavy piece of metal as they began opening the shed and shoving it inside.
“You manage the stall, I’ll make cider. Deal?” Flim yelled to his brother.
“Deal,” they both agreed as they made a mad dash to the house.
Luckily for the twins, their grandmother and little sister were both still sleeping soundly, giving the brothers the perfect opportunity to sneak inside.
Flim and Flam counted their blessings as they slowly ascended the stairs, quietly congratulating their little sister for fixing the squeaky steps that used to creak with the slightest ounce of pressure.
There was only one significant problem with their plan to sneak back inside, and it suddenly became very evident to the two unicorns as they stood outside the bathroom door. Their literal dirt nap had left their coats covered in loose dirt and grass, something that could be fixed easily by the one shower inside the house.
“… Loser takes the garden hose?” Flim offered, earning a nod from Flam as they turned to face each other.
Grabbing a bit from their room with Flim’s magic, they flipped the golden coin in the air as they both quietly called out their bet.
Celestia, despite being an evil mare who raised a flaming ball of annoying light into the sky each day, had blessed Flam with a victory as the bit came up as her cutie mark.
Savoring a silent cheer, Flam quickly trotted into the bathroom as Flim dragged himself outside to wash off with the gardenhose.
The smell of hay-bacon and coffee seeped through the floorboards of Granny Smith’s room, causing the elderly mare to slowly rise from her bed as the familiar scent tickled her nose.
The morning sun, acting as the gentle nudge she needed to open her eyes, peeked through the old curtains that hung over her window. The Apple matriarch trotted through her early morning routine before heading downstairs, where Flim and Flam had been cooking a hearty breakfast for everypony else.
It genuinely amazed her that those two could be so thin despite their constant exercise and eating. Must have been their magic, made everything a tad too easy on their bodies in her opinion. Still, it did come in hoof from time to time, so she wouldn’t look a kind dragon in the mouth.
Though a bit disheveled and red eyed, the two still wore bright smiles as they finished the last pancakes.
“Morning Granny,” they both greeted, taking their seats at the kitchen table as Apple Bloom, whom had already been waiting at the table, sluggishly raised her head.
“Mornin’ Granny,” the youngest Apple said, stifling an adorable yawn as Granny sat at the head of the table.
“Morning kids. What are you two doin’ up so early? Normally, I have’ta drag ya’ll out of yer shed if I want us to have breakfast.”
“Just a little side project,” Flim answered talking a long sip of coffee as he used a spell to set the table.
“What kind of side project?” Granny pressed with a hint of suspicion in her voice as Flim passed a plate to her.
“It’s not on the farm Granny, don’t worry. Just did some work in town,” Flam assured her.
“Another job in town then? Who’s it fer?”
“That’s a surprise,” Flim said, using a spell to catch Apple Bloom’s head before she tried to use a pile of pancakes as a pillow.
“I’m sure everypony’ll love it, Granny. Just you wait,” Flam added on. “It’ll be… Darn, can’t think of a good pun.”
“Um… It’ll knock ‘em out of the park?” Flim offered, earning a chuckle from Flam.
“Nope. Just leave the jokes to me, I’m better at them.”
“Are not,” Flim refuted.
“Are too.”
“Are not.”
“Are too.”
“Are—”
“Boys, simmer down and eat your breakfast,” Grannny ordered, bringing an immediate end to the silly squabble that would have kept going until they were blue in the face.
The rest of breakfast went over smoothly as they ate. When Granny Smith finished her breakfast and tried to take her plate to the sink, a green colored aura wrapped around the plate and put it away for her, along with the other silver ware and glasses that needed a good soak.
“Apps, all set to get to school?” Flam asked as he grabbed her saddle bags from the parlor and placed them on her back.
“Yup!” Their little sister replied happily.
“Alrighty then, come on Apple Bloom, I’ll walk ya ta school,” Grannny Smith offered, earning a pair of worried looks from her grandsons.
“Granny, you did’t need to do that. Flam and I could have taken care of it.”
“Don’t be silly, Flim. I’ll take her and you two can set up the stall,” she snorted.
It was nice that her grandsons cared for her, too many colts and fillies these days didn’t have a lick of respect for their elders, but she wasn’t made of glass.
The brothers were still reluctant to let their grandmother go, and Flam took it upon himself to step forward. “I’ll take Apps to school and set up shop after. It’s on the way to town, anyway.”
“And I’ll be on the farm bucking apples. The family will be here soon and then we need to cater the Summer Sun Celebration. Why don’t you… Uh, see if there are any extra blankets in the closet?” Flim tried to offer.
“I can do that later. Sides, it’d be good to get outside and stretch ma legs a bit,” she countered, trotting past the pair as Apple Bloom galloped outside to wait patiently on the porch.
She could hear the duo sighing as she closed the door behind her. Theatrical pair of colts, those two, making a big stink over a mare walking her grandchild to school.
She understood though, a little piece of her would always know that they were just scared of losing more of their family. And, truth be told, she was too.
Flim and Flam were a bright pair of colts, too bright for some farm in a town that was literally called “Middle of Nowhere” when her grandmother was a filly. If it weren’t for their devotion to their humble family, those two could have went out to change the world. It was a scary thought for Granny Smith.
The world was a mean place, it ate up bright eyed ponies like them and spat ‘em out sometimes. It’s why she liked tradition. It was safe, reliable, and it always worked. No need to fix something that wouldn’t break anytime soon. It was safer that way.
Inside the house, Flim and Flam were putting away the last of the dishes before trotting out of the back door to get to the apple cart.
“Everything set?” Flam asked.
“I think so. No doubt they’ll play a little bit in the playground before the bell rings, and then again at lunch too. The Squeezer One should collect a bit of energy from the morning and squeeze out about a hundred or so ciders. By this weekend, we’ll have all the cider we’ll ever need and more for the Summer Sun Celebration.”
“Good. You sure Granny won’t notice, though?”
“I’m gonna hit the south part of the orchard. Machine’s pretty quiet, and she probably wouldn’t think to look there. And if she does, I’ve got it covered. I reworked the parachute to act as actual camouflage. Oh, by the way, we need new Hearths Warming decorations, needed to use some fake plants and pine to make it work.”
“Should be pretty cheap this time of year. I’ll see if they have any at the second-used shop.”
“Perfect,” Flim quietly cheered as he hooked Flam into the wagon.
“Huh, feels a bit lighter then usual,” Flam commented idly as he began trotting ahead.
Taking a small peak under the tarp covering the apple wagon revealed a bustle or two less apples than they were planning to sell at market.
“You’re right, we’re missing a few,” Flim revealed.
“Then where’s the rest?” Flam asked his brother.
“Don’t know. Hey Granny, where’re the other apples we bucked yesterday?” Flim called as the two brothers trotted around the side of the house.
“The rest of what?” Granny asked.
“The apples. Flam and I bucked at least a good four dozen more than what we have. Where are the other bustles?”
“I tossed some of the bruised ones in the compost and used the rest for our meals.”
“Wha-but-ugh. Granny, we can’t keep tossing apples because of a little scuff mark or a bruise,” Flam complained, eliciting a nod from his clean shaven brother.
“We’re Apples, Flam, we can’t give anypony in town anythin’ less than the best. Now come on, let’s head out. Flim, you be safe on the farm, ya hear?”
“Don’t worry Granny, I’ll be out in the field if you need me!” Flim promised.
“Alrighty the. Come on, Flam, let’s get a move on,” their grandmother ordered, trotting a few paces away before Flam cleared his throat.
“Uh, actually, you two go on ahead, I’ll catch up. Gotta hit the bathroom really quick.”
“Okay. Come on, Granny, class’ll start soon!” Apple Bloom agreed, trotting ahead of her family as Granny slowly trotted down the path.
The brothers waited until their other family members looking under the tarp to stare at the empty space in their cart.
Flam buried his muzzle into his hooves as he sighed, dragging them down his face as he covered the cart again.
“I can’t believe Granny tossed a whole bustle of apples because of a small bruise,” he groaned. “We could sell a bruised apple to an apple farmer, if we tried. ‘Bruises make it more flavorful’!”
“I hear ya, Flam. But, there’s nothing we can do about it. Go ahead and catch up with them. I’ll get the Squeezer One ready to make cider,” Flim said with a little bit of desperate hope in his voice. “With any luck, we can cover the loss today with anything we sell when Princess Celestia gets here.”
“Alrighty Flim,” Flam mumbled as the two brothers broke off with Flim making a quick gallop towards the shed.
The mustached twin couldn’t help but lament their inevitable profit dip as he dragged the all too light cart.
“Stupid bruises, who cares about a stinkin’ bruise. It’s like not eating a banana because of a brown spot. We could sell them if we actually tried,” he scoffed as a funny idea started to tickle his mind.
Coming to a stop only a few yards away from their house, Flam turned to look at the old building as a devious smile slowly crawled across his muzzle.
“Hmmm… Ya know, that’s not a bad idea,” he pondered.
The apple cart was a bit heavier when he finally caught up with Granny Smith a few minutes later.
What if Flim and Flam Were Raised by Granny?
We're Not Bad Apples. Just Cheaper.
Princess Celestia’s overcompensating ball of fire slowly glided through the sky, showering ponies with warm light as they trotted around town and went about their days.
The market place was a long stretch of stalls selling fruits, vegetables, and anything else a pony could need for their grocery list. The weather was calm, the day was still young, and all the ponies seemed relaxed walking through the crowded streets.
Some venders would try to grab a customer’s attention with a flashy stall or some fun gimmick, and of course a master sales pony like Flam had taken every opportunity to grab their attention.
“Apples! Get your apples right here! Buy a clean fresh, dellllicious, High Quality Apple Acers apple, get a bruised one half off!” Flam offered to the passing mares and stallions.
The stall itself was bright blue and yellow, with a red and white stripped awning above that held a list of prices for apples and apple themed snacks. The regular customers easily peeled out of the flowing crowd that moved up and down the street, a feat the few tourists that had come weren’t able to mimic unfortunately.
Potential customers were swept away in the tide of bodies, dragged off to who knows where as they failed to navigate the constant flow of traffic.
His smile never dimmed as he continued to yell out to the crowds, hoping that a few of them would at least turn to glance at his stall. He was so absorbed in his efforts to get more customers to his stall that he barely noticed the mare setting up her carrot stand next to his.
Carrot Top, a yellow coated earth pony with an orange mane, had a modest stand with only a few colts paintings of carrots added by her little colt, Bustle Sprout.
“Mornin’ Flim,” the mare greeted with a well practiced smile.
“Flam,” he corrected on impulse, their little weekly routine pulling him into a familiar direction as he continued to scale the crowd.
“Shoot, yer right. Good thing ya got that bloody caterpillar on ya face. I wouldn’t be able ta tell otherwise. So, where’s yer less evil brother at?”
“Working on the farm, right now. Ah! Ladies! May I offer you a limited time deal! For just today, buy a clean red delicious apple and get a slightly bruised one half off!” He called out, earning a few interested looks as they came by and made their purchases.
“Yer sellin’ bruised apples now?” Carrot Top asked as Flam accepted a few bits and divided up the orders.
“Just today. Family’s coming over for the Sunset Celebration. Gotta make sure we have some bits lying around in case anypony needs something.”
“Well ain't that nice. Oh, how’s yer Gran doin’?”
“She’s fine, but me and Flim still worry. Ever since she pulled her hip last winter we’ve been trying to keep her off it. But, you know us apples.”
“Yer too stubborn fer your own good,” Carrot noted sagely. “So, what about yer sis?”
“Apps’ been doin’ good. Got a B plus on her last math test, can you believe it? I’m tellin’ you, Carrots, she’ll be smarter than anypony in there by the end of this year.”
“Well good fer her. Say, ya’ll about ready to start?”
“Hun, I was born ready,” he said, putting on a deceptively arrogant mask as he called out to the crowd.
If there was one thing ponies liked more than eating, it was watching a show.
“Apples for sale! Buy one get a bruised one half off!”
“Wow, I always knew ya were a cheapskate, but sellin’ damaged goods too? Wait ta hit a new low, Flam,” Carrot barked.
“Hey, a bruised apple is still better than the cleanest carrot you’ve got!” He shot back.
The beginning of their squabble was rarely as important as the climax since that would be when they had a bigger audience. After that, the beginning of their performance would be word of mouth, and it would be polished up by a few ponies who wanted to look like they knew more than others.
“Excuse me, I’ll have you know that mah carrots are the best of the best. Ya’ll wouldn’t know a good carrot if it slapped ya!”
“You mean the potato’s ugly an' scrawny cousin, right?”
“What’d you say about my carrots?”
“The truth. And believe me, that’s a rarity from me.”
Their little squabble grew louder after that, only stopping for a moment to throw a bit of softer banter whenever somepony actually came to but from one of their stalls.
Slowly, a few tourists began to openly gape at the pair as they threw insults back and forth. It was a bit less build up than if Flim was around, but overtime more and more potential customers would venture to buy an apple or carrot and enjoy the show.
It might have gone on for a bit longer if there wasn’t a pillar of smoke coming from Sweet Apple Acers.
When Flam finally noticed the grey column in the distance, his mouth fell agape as he uttered a quiet whimper.
“Oh no…”
Earlier that day, Flim had fine-tuned the Squeezer One and finally turned on their beautiful foal.
Using the sun’s angle to measure the time, Flim had rightly guessed when the earliest ponies would get to the school house and how long it would take for their day to start. By that point, young colts and fillies were playing to their hearts content on the playground equipment, delivering a steady stream of energy that was charging the Squeezer One.
A low hum filled the air as the device’s ears began to whirl. It was a slow at first, gaining momentum as the minutes began to pass by and the machine truly came to life. Using his magic to grab the cone of the Squeezer’s vacuum, he hung it over one of the apple trees and watched as it plucked every apple off of its branch, turning the cleanest and brightest apples into apple cider while taking the seeds of the young ad cotton apples to replant them later or to make compost.
Flim couldn’t help but smile as he took the machine around the orchard, cleaning the fullest of trees and making over a dozen glasses worth of apple cider in under a few minutes. Come sun down, they’d have about half of their goal and raking in a large sum of bits.
A light chuckle escaped Flim as he allowed the machine to suck up another bustle of apples, easily doing the work of six stallions in a hoof-full of minutes.
“Celestia’s sky is sunny, it drizzles like honey, and we’re rolling in the money,~” he hummed, trotting at a steady pace as the machine’s wheels dragged it through the grass.
Everything was going perfectly well with the brothers’ latest invention. There wasn’t a hint of any potential problems was Flim spent the next half hour trotting alongside the machine and clearing trees.
So, it came as a bit of a shock when the converter engine’s humming tune began to grow into a heavy baritone pitch. After securing the Squeezer’s vacuum to the side and opening the engine panel, Flim looked at the machine’s gauge and balked at the high pressure.
Since the twins had decided to use a number of fillies and colts to power their machine, the appropriate measures were taken to conserve what little energy their small bodies could provide before converting it into raw power.
The machine was pushing far beyond what it was designed to take in, and a growing sense of dread soon filled Flim as he heard the Squeezer’s gauge break.
“Wait! Wait, stop! No, no, no! A bunch of fillies and colts shouldn’t be able to generate this much energy! Where is it coming from?!”
Elsewhere, there was pink blur spinning on a bright red twirler outside of the school house.
“Best! Day! Ever! Whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
“Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!” Flam screamed, grabbing onto the Squeezer One’s wheels with a telekinetic spell.
It pulled against his magic, dragging Flim along for a very painful ride as it began to tear through the orchard. Trees were uprooted, apples were smashed, and Flim was battered, beaten, and battered again as the machine raced around and through groves of trees.
"Worst! Gah! Day! Oof! Ever!" He cried, letting his magic finally slip from the runaway apple picker, hitting the ground with a solid thud before it finally crashed into the old apple barn. The old wooden walls crumbled like wet tissue, landing with an explosive crash as it buried the Squeezer One in planks and shingles.
The barn that their great great pappy made when the Apple Family settled in Ponyville. The one their papa was born in when Granny couldn't make it to the hospital. The barn where Flim and Flam were conceived in.
The barn where they were gonna host the Apple Family reunion... gone.
"... Oh, Granny's gonna kill us..."
