Love Is A Funny Thing

by Silver Hoof

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Romance, Sex, Diamond Tiara, Sad, Silver Spoon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3610

Triple romance story

The Crusaders and all of their classmates are seniors in high school now at Ponyville High. (So they range from ages 17 to 19) Silver Spoon secretly has a crush on Sweetie Belle, but Apple Bloom likes Silver Spoon. Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo are secretly together. and Sweetie Belle is with Spike. Three romance stories in one!

this is probably the worst thing I've written.

Published 2012-09-07 13:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-11 04:06:09 UTC

Scootaloo's Secret

School had just let out at Ponyville High, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were trotting down the path to their old clubhouse. It was Senior Year, and they all varied in age, Scootaloo being the oldest at eighteen, and Apple Bloom being the youngest at seventeen. They were talking about how school had gone that day. "Can you guys believe Diamond Tiara today?" Sweetie Belle said exasperatedly. "I mean, we have our cutie marks now, Scootaloo can even fly! And yet, she still finds a way to make fun of us!" She looked at her cutie mark, a lone, one-eighth note surrounded by a glowing purple aura.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at their cutie marks as well, the former's mark being a hammer and a pick-ax crossed in the shape of an 'X', on top of two grinding gears. Sometimes, the gears actually appeared to be moving, but that couldn't possibly be the case. The latter's cutie mark was a pair of katanas forming a 'V' shape. A twin-streak of blue flames ran across the swords. Her mark represented her talent as a stunts artist, as well as her ability to wield any weapon like a pro. The blue flame represented her love for speed.

"Diamond Tiara is such a bitch!" Apple Bloom said venomously.

"Hey!" Scootaloo snapped. "Don't you call her that!" Her friends stopped mid-stride, and stared at her as if she had just suggested that they all jump in front of a moving train.

"You hate Diamond Tiara just as much as we do, if not more, so why can't Apple Bloom call her a bitch?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"I... I just don't like that word, that's all." Scootaloo chuckled nervously.

"Whut is the matter with ya?" Apple Bloom demanded. "Ah hear ya use that word all the time, an' now y'all 're tellin' us that we can't use it ta describe our arch-enemy?"

"Oh my, look at the time!" Scootaloo said, lifting her foreleg and pretending to look at an invisible watch. "Rainbow Dash asked me to meet her at the Cloudsdale Shooting Range after school, and I am terribly late! I gotta go!" She flew off, not even bothering to see if they believed her or not. She didn't really care either way.

"Sheesh!" Sweetie Belle said. "Ever since Rainbow Dash decided to adopt Scootaloo, she has been spending less and less time with us! It pisses me off!" Apple Bloom placed a hoof on her friend's back.

"Ya can't really blame 'er, Sweetie Belle. This is a big thing fer her. She finally has whut she has always wanted. She has a mother."

_______________________________________________

Scootaloo pulled out the note that had fallen out of her locker at school this morning. She read the note out loud. "Meet me behind the school at four oh-clock. I can't wait." Her pulse raced and her heart soared. The note had been left unsigned, but there was no need for a signature. Scootaloo knew that mare's mouthwriting anywhere. Scootaloo was gaining speed, and the high school came into view on the horizon, red bricks filling her vision. When she was just a few feet from the building, she saw the pony that she had come to meet. The pink mare lifted her head as Scootaloo landed.

"Hey Scoots." She said.

"Hey Diamond Tiara." Scootaloo smiled and put a hoof to Diamond's face. And then, they kissed.

_______________________________________________

"This clubhouse holds a lot of memories." Apple Bloom said with tears in her eyes.

"Hey." Sweetie Belle said. "We are still the Cutie Mark Crusaders. We don't have to stop making memories." Apple Bloom sniffed.

"Don' ya think we should drop that name. Ah mean, we have our cutie marks now, so isn't the name 'Cutie Mark Crusaders' obsolete?"

"Of course not! Scootaloo would say that the name 'Cutie Mark Crusaders' is a legacy that we need to keep alive. And personally, I would agree. We may not be crusading for our cutie marks, but now we can crusade with our cutie marks!"

"Ah get whut yer sayin'." Apple Bloom said, smiling a little bit.

"And besides, we have to pass this name on to our children."

"Yeah!" Apple Bloom said enthusiastically. "Wait... when would we be having children?"

Sweetie Belle chuckled. "Not for a long time. But we will have some eventually." Apple Bloom nodded.

"The Cutie Mark Crusaders Legacy will live on!" They said, high-hoofing each other. Then they fell to the floor, laughing.

_________________________________________________

Scootaloo lay propped up aginst the back of the school building with Diamond Tiara's head on her chest. The pink mare nuzzled Scootaloo lovingly and said, "Could we please tell them now?" Scootaloo sighed in defeat.

"Fine." She said. "Tomorrow, we can tell them. We can tell the whole world for all I care. As long as it makes you happy." Diamond looked up at Scootaloo.

"Did we really...?" She blushed. Scootaloo chuckled before responding.

"Yeah." She whispered. "And it was amazing." She smiled down at her marefriend. For a few seconds, they just lay there in blissful silence, but then Scootaloo said, "Was there actually a time when we hated each other?" Diamond Tiara giggled.

"I can vaguely remember a time around fourth or fifth grade when we were always fighting, but it is only a wisp of a memory." She whispered. "But now, I can't imagine a life without you. I love you Scootaloo." Scootaloo gasped. Diamond had never said that before.

Then, she smiled slowly and said, "I love you too, Diamond Tiara." They went back into the blissful silence and listened to each other's slow, steady breathing. Then, Diamond Tiara started making circular motions on Scootaloo's chest with her hoof.

She looked up at her and whispered, "My turn?" Scootaloo gave her a sly smile.

She propped her up against the building and said, "Damn right."

___________________________________________________

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were doing some renovations on the Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse when Rainbow Dash whizzed by overhead. "Hey Rainbow Dash!" Apple Bloom called out. The cyan mare skidded to a halt and flew back to the clubhouse.

"Yeah? What's up? Do you girls want an autograph or something?" She grinned hopefully.

"Well, that's not what this is about..." Rainbow Dash stuck out her bottom lip in a pout. "But Ah don' see why not." Rainbow quickly whipped out a feather and two pictures of herself.

She wrote her name on both pictures while Sweetie Belle asked, "So, Rainbow Dash... Where's Scootaloo? I thought you two were going to be at the shooting range up in Cloudsdale."

She handed the two of them their signed pictures and said, "I didn't know that Cloudsdale had a shooting range... I'll have to check that out. As for your question, I don't have a clue where Scootaloo is. I haven't seen her since I flew her to school this morning."

"But she said that she was with ya." Apple Bloom said.

Rainbow Dash sighed. "Well, Scootaloo isn't exactly the Element of Honesty, now, is she?" And with that, Rainbow Dash flew off.

Sweetie Belle looked at Apple Bloom. "Why would Scootaloo lie to us?" She asked.

"Ah don' know. " Apple Bloom said, shaking her head. "Ah just don' know."

______________________________________________________

Diamond Tiara stared down at her marefriend, Scootaloo. She had fallen asleep just moments ago. Diamond smiled and brushed a bit of Scootaloo's mane off of her face. When the orange pegasus stirred, she giggled. Scoots opened her eyes slowly and yawned. "Did I fall asleep?" She asked. Diamond Tiara nodded. Scootaloo shifted to where they were looking into each other's eyes. "Why didn't you wake me?" She whispered.

Diamond giggled. "You're so beautiful when you sleep. And you looked so peaceful."

Scootaloo snickered. "Yeah. Like you're gonna get me to believe that I look beautiful."

"But you-" Scootaloo stuck her hoof over Diamond's mouth.

"Look, the best I could ever hope to be is attractive, and even that is stretching it a bit. I've never really been much to look at." She said it, not as though she were degrading herself, but as if it were just a fact that she had come to accept. Diamond wasn't sure, but she thought that was worse.

"It doesn't matter what anypony else thinks." Diamond Tiara whispered. "You're beautiful to me." She saw Scootaloo bite her lip and try to hold back tears. It didn't work.

"Nopony has ever said that to me before." Scootaloo cried, rivulets of tears streaming down her face. She held on to Diamond tighter than she had when they... The thoughts of what had occurred only moments ago cheered Scootaloo up slightly. She still held tightly to her marefriend, but she dried her tears and smiled slightly. "Thank you, Diamond Tiara."

Diamond smiled and scratched Scoots behind her ear, making her writhe in agonizing joy. "No problem." She said. "Wanna go another round?"

"Oh, hell yeah!" Scootaloo cried, trying not to collapse from the sensation behind her ear.

Tarnished Silver

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom sat next to each other in class the next day. "Why would she lie to us?" Sweetie Belle said.

"Yer still on that?" Apple Bloom appeared annoyed. "Look, whatever it is, she'll tell us eventually. We're her friends, an' she trusts us."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Sweetie sighed.

"Of course Ah'm right!" Apple Bloom beamed. At that moment, Diamond Tiara trotted in with a huge grin on her face. "Oh great. What do ya think she has planned fer us today?"

"I don't know." Sweetie Belle said as a second mare walked in behind Diamond. "Wait, isn't that Scootaloo?" Sure enough, the orange pegasus had walked in behind Diamond Tiara. They watched in horror as their mortal enemy began to nuzzle their best friend lovingly.

"Everypony, listen up!" The pink mare said. "We have a confession to make!"

________________________________________________________

Silver Spoon sat in the back, staring at her secret crush with a foggy look in her eyes. The sweet mare who tamed the heart of a teenage dragon. Silver Spoon sighed dreamily. She knew that Sweetie Belle was out of her reach. The unicorn was with Spike, and that could not be changed. Sweetie Belle obviously loved that dragon, and even if she didn't, Silver Spoon was pretty sure that she was straight.

Silver Spoon heard a commotion and looked up quickly. She saw her 'friend', Diamond Tiara, walk into the class, followed by... Scootaloo? Her jaw dropped when she saw them kiss each other right there in front of the class. Thank Celestia the teacher is late today. "We have secretly been together for about three to four years now." Diamond said when they parted. "Yesterday, during one of our... secret meetings... we decided that it was time we told you all. We couldn't hide it any more, and, frankly, I was tired of pretending to hate everypony."

"Ah really don' trust you." Apple Bloom said. "But Scootaloo is our friend, and Ah would trust her with mah life. If this makes her happy, then Ah'm happy." They didn't notice the platinum blond maned mare shaking her head violently in the back of the room.

"Well, I'm not!" Sweetie Belle snapped. "That bitch has been tormenting us for years, and you expect me to just accept her because our friend got a little horny?"

"Hey!" Scootaloo said, preparing to charge. Diamond stuck out a hoof to hold her back.

"Let her speak." She said. "She has a right to, and I probably deserve whatever she decides to say."

"Damn right, you do!" Sweetie said. "You hurt me and my friends, you verbally tortured us! You continued to do so, even after you and Scootaloo got together! Did you really think that I would be okay with this? Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"Because I knew that you would react like this!" Scootaloo screamed.

Their ears pricked up, suddenly distracted by a noise in the back. They looked to see Silver Spoon rocking back and forth, shaking her head and continuously chanting a single word. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no..."

"What's wrong with her?" Diamond whispered to Scootaloo.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO!" Silver Spoon jumped up from her chair. "You just don't get it, do you? You could never see! I've always had to play second banana to all of your antics! I always had to come in second at beauty pageants. I've always been the sidekick, the apprentice, the other mare!"

"Oh, so you're a little plot hurt that you never came in first?" Sweetie said sarcastically. "Big deal! You still hurt everypony you ever met! You can't justify that!"

"You know nothing about pain!" The gray mare screamed. "I've experienced pain! Such exquisite suffering! You just got made fun of! What happened to me... I wouldn't wish that on anypony."

"What could have possibly happened to you that was so horrible?"

Silver Spoon looked at Sweetie Belle with hatred. True, pure hatred. "Should I tell them?" She said to Diamond Tiara. "Should I tell them the secret that I have kept for eight years?"

"That is up to you." Diamond said somberly. Silver Spoon nodded.

She began to explain. "My father was never around. He would come home once, maybe twice a year. And when he did come home, he never paid any attention to me." She shed a single tear. "All I had ever wanted was for him to come home, spend some time with me, and tell me that he loved me when he left."

Sweetie Belle was unsure of where this was going. The mare continued. "Then, one day, on my ninth birthday, he came home... To see me. Our birthdays fell on the same day, so I had made him a present. I wanted to give it to him right then and there, but he said that he would take his present that night. I didn't understand. How could I? I was just a filly. But I found out that night." Sweetie was beginning to feel sick. She didn't know where this was going, but she had a good idea. "So that night, I lay in my bed, holding my gift and waiting for my daddy. He came inside and told me to stay still so he could take his present. I didn't understand, and I told him that I could just hoof it to him. He... He yelled at me, said to lay back down and be still. He climbed onto the bed and pinned my forelegs down, and then he... He..." Silver Spoon vomited.

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't know! So maybe next time, you should shut your fucking mouth before you judge somepony!" Silver Spoon stopped, and a sudden calm washed over her. She smiled and gave a light laugh, scaring Sweetie Belle. "I'm done." Silver Spoon whispered. "It's over, I'm done." She calmly trotted to her saddlebag and reached inside. When she pulled her hoof out, she was holding a gun.

_________________________________________________________

"Where the hell is the teacher?" Somepony screamed.

"Silver Spoon! You don't have to do this!" Diamond Tiara cried. The suicidal mare looked to her friend with tears in her eyes.

"Yes, I do!" She said. "I've spent my entire life being second best! The first pony I fucked was my own father! And to top it off, the one pony that I like is already taken!" Silver Spoon gestured to Sweetie Belle. "Nopony likes me, and, honestly, this world is better off without me." She put the barrel of the gun to her head.

"Wait!" Apple Bloom cried.

"Why? Why should I wait, when the only thing this world has to offer me is pain? Nopony loves me! Why should they? I've hurt all of them! I fucked my father! So who could possibly love me? You tell me! Who could possibly love a filthy little whore like me?" The tears spilled to the floor.

"Well... Me." Apple Bloom said. Silver Spoon's jaw dropped and she dropped the gun. "Ah'v always sort of liked ya. Even when y'all were bein' a bitch. Ah jus' got the feelin' that yer heart wasn' in what ya were doin', that it was all jus' an act. But as the years went by, an' the torment got worse, those feelins kinda faded away. Until the day Ah turned thirteen. Y'all can guess the rest. Hormonal changes, puberty, sexual desires an' what not."

"Wait, sexual desires?" Silver Spoon said. Apple Bloom blushed.

"Well... What Ah meant was... I mean... Oh, jus' kiss me!" She said, pulling in the gray mare. Their lips connected and Sweetie Belle took that opportunity to confiscate the gun. Wow! Apple Bloom wasn't kidding about her feelings for that mare! They parted, and Silver Spoon dried her tears. "Ah love ya." Apple Bloom whispered.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Sweetie Belle sat on her bed, thinking of today's events at school. What the hell just happened? She stared blankly at the wall across from where she sat on her bed, her expression unreadable. Scootaloo is sleeping with our mortal enemy, and Apple Bloom is in love with her lackey. Did I miss something? When did Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon move from bitches to lovers? There was a sudden knock on the door, jolting Sweetie belle out of her thoughts. "C-come in..." She stammered. She watched as Spike opened the door and took a tentative step into her room. She gave him a thin smile. "Hi." She whispered.

"I-is something wrong, Sweetie?" Spike asked uncertainly. "When you asked me to come over after school, you sounded a little bit shaken." She looked at him with sad eyes, unsure of how to proceed. She had been having doubts lately, and her friends' sudden revelations yesterday didn't make things any better in her mind. A few months ago, she had began to wonder if Spike really loved her, or if she was just a replacement for when her sister rejected him. Thinking about her sister made her decision even harder since she had passed just a few weeks ago. Rarity was the one who helped her with all of life's tough decisions, and now that she was gone, Sweetie Belle was at a loss. "Come on, Sweetie Belle. You can tell me anything. What's bothering you?" She sighed. There was no use in putting it off. If this relationship had to end, it would end right here, right now.

"Spike, do you... Do you really love me?" The purple-and-green dragon's jaw dropped. "I'm serious. If I am just your rebound, then I want to know."

Spike stood motionlessly for a moment, and Sweetie Belle's anxiety grew to be unbearable. Then, suddenly, he threw his arms around her. "Of course I love you, Sweetie Belle! There is nopony else that I would rather be with!" She pushed him away and looked at him skeptically.

"Not even Rarity?" She said.

Spike looked hurt. "How could you even think that I would still want to be with Rarity? Sweetie Belle, I love you. You are not just a replacement for your sister. What I felt for Rarity... That was just lust."

"What's the difference?" She asked grimly. He cupped her left cheek with his clawed hand and looked into her eyes.

"This." He said, bringing her face closer to his. Their lips touched, tentatively at first, just barely brushing against each other. She could feel his warm breath on her face. Then, after what seemed like hours of an agonizing lack of contact, he finally made the connection. His lips on hers felt electric, sending shock waves coursing throughout her body. Then, out of the blue, she felt a blast of hot, almost burning breath invade her lungs. But there was no pain in the sensation. Quite the opposite, actually. It felt wonderful. She was simply melting in her lover's grasp. Mere minutes later, he reluctantly pulled away, and they were both gasping for breath.

"Wha... What in Celestia's name was that? It was amazing, whatever it was." Sweetie Belle couldn't stop smiling.

"That was the Breath of Fire. It's something that only a creature with dragon's blood can do." A tear slipped down his face. "I wasn't sure if I wanted to use it on you until today. You see, a dragon can only use this ability once. Once he does, he belongs to the mare that he used it on. Forever." Sweetie Belle gasped. "Now, even if you decide that you want to be with somepony else, I no longer have that option. I can only be with you now."

"Sp-Spike..." Sweetie Belle was trying so hard not to cry, but it was next to impossible. How could I have thought that he didn't really love me? If he would do this for me... The dam broke, and the tears cascaded down Sweetie Belles face as she embraced Spike. "I love you too! I promise, I will stay with you, no matter what!" Spike held her as she continued to cry. When, finally, her tears stopped and she no longer felt the need to cry, she eyed Spike misceviously.

"Wh-why are you looking at me like that?" He asked nervously. Sweetie Belle chuckled.

"I've seen love..." She said, her voice suddenly thick and seductive. "Now I kind of want to see lust."

Spike grinned wickedly. "Sweetie Belle, you naughty mare. Come here." He kissed her, slowly pushing her onto her back. "Your wish is my command, madam." He whispered.