Spike Gets a Letter

by The Writer's Group

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Romance
Length: 1021

This story depicts mundane events with the vocabulary and stylistic prose of a clop-fic author.

This story depicts mundane events with the vocabulary and stylistic prose of a clop-fic author. It's so saturated with innuendos we had to rate it mature. ('Spike Gets a Letter' was created by the combined effort of four authors.)

Published 2012-09-06 15:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-06 15:44:01 UTC

It's Not What You Think

Spike Gets
A Letter

════════════════════════

Chapter One of Two
It’s Not What You Think
A MLP:FiM Fanfiction by Tytyvm, LimeAttack and Ferlathin in cooperation with Lucefudu.

It was Spike’s week off, and Twilight had just delivered him breakfast in bed. Spike finally felt like the Swag Beast™ he knew he was. This morning, his breakfast was accompanied by an unmarked letter addressed to him. To say he was tickled pink by the notion would be an understatement. After taking a deep swallow of his orange juice, Spike dragged his talon along the slit of the letter, effectively opening the delicate paper folds and revealing the soft writing parchment within. Slowly guiding his fingers into the opening, he gently slid the tantalizing goodness out of its protective sheath. Once fully exposed, the correspondence shook under Spike’s heated breath and lazy gaze. With a flick of his wrist the script doubled in size as it unfolded to its full length. This only worked to entice Spike’s interests further as he molested the supple calligraphy with his eyes.

It read;

Dear Spike,

I’ll always be watching you oh most beloved one!

Always behind you, your faithful follower.

Spike felt an aura of pride wash over him. Pride mixed with violation, but pride all the same. He chuckled at the note and set it down to finish his breakfast. Spike eagerly lifted a fork and slowly slid its points into the steamy mass of his affections.

Rarity was sliding a brush through her glistening back hair when Spike reentered the room. Needless to say, his jimmies were rustled.

While Spike swooned over the mare’s silky, white chest jungle, Rarity removed her fake lashes and thanked him for his dedicated slave labor. After licking Spike’s face in appreciation, Rarity lovingly shooed him into the all-devouring darkness of Ponyville’s streets.

As Spike merrily skipped home like an innocent girl in the raging, shadowy darkness, he chose to play with a piece of tape; covering his mouth completely. Immediately afterwards, Spike decided to practice knotting by binding his wrists together behind him.

In a bakery not too far away, Pinkie muttered, “Jail bait,” through her sleep.

Arriving outside the library, Spike knocked heavily on the wooden door. The portal slowly opened to reveal a flabbergasted purple unicorn. “Spike? What were you doing?”

As Twilight ripped the tape off his lips, Spike retorted, “What do you mean?” He turned around and displayed his claws. “And would you mind loosening these restraints?”

Spike slipped out of the rope with a little help. Twilight proceeded to ask, “So why wer-”

She was cut off as a scaly member was pressed against her lips. “Shush, little unicorn.”

Spike backed away suggestively and made his way upstairs. Twilight wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, and so proceeded to shrug it off as Spike being weird.

Once he reached his basket bed, Spike flung himself under the covers and snuggled into the bedding.

But what’s this? Reaching his arm under the pillow, Spike pulled out an envelope, addressed just like the one from this morning!

Ripping open the seal and plunging in wrist deep, he emerged with a vibrant-pink letter.

Dear Spike,

You’re cute when you sleep~

Smiling to himself, Spike graciously accepted the heart warming compliment, and drifted off to a land of rainbows and unicorns.

Spike was sensually scrubbing his man-scales when he couldn’t help but breathily stare at a shapely rubber toy floating beside him in the tub. Spike knew the rubber device wasn’t his because of the dark purple coloring. It must have been one of Twilight’s personal toys. Usually she didn’t like to share, but since she didn’t know, Spike took the opportunity to caress it in his hands. He greedily ran his fingers across the silicon’s length, imagining how Twilight felt when she used it. Spike couldn’t help but think of the velvet depths it’d entered, the burning heats it’d endured and the pleasures it’d brought to his highly deprived friend. These thoughts alone had made Spike desperately excited. He needed a release.

Splashing wildly, he jerked the rubber submarine off the water’s surface and back down into its depths. With a final crash into the proverbial sea, white residue flew up and across his face, causing Spike to stagger back at the suddenness of it all.

While plowing his body into the musky bath-juices, Spike became abruptly aware of a growing heat within his loins. Without further warning the floodgates violently bursted forth and matter exploded from one of Spike’s orifices. The glittery mess swirled through the water before materializing into a scroll. After hurriedly grasping the roll of paper like the Shaft of Communication™ it was, Spike began to furiously fondle the letter and lovingly stroke away beads of fluid. Satisfied that he’d removed most of the lubricant, Spike delicately undid the coil like the petals of an untouched flower.

It’s me again,

You should put a window in your bathroom.

After quickly glancing around the small, dark room, Spike fully agreed. The room was desperately in need of some natural light. Sighing, he sunk down into the murky pool and refocused his attention onto the note held above him.

The sudden sound of an all mighty crash shot Spike up and against the wall. From downstairs, a snarling beast could be heard.

“Darn it Rainbow! Again!? Bucking again!?”

Spike untensed his clenched muscles and proceeded to peer over the edge of the tub. Within arm’s reach laid the recently flung piece of postage. Spike’s claw reached out to grab the scroll...

...when he abruptly hiccuped.

Spike just stared, wide eyed, at the empty space on the floor. He’d sent a random note to the highest authority in Equestria.

And what Spike said next, would shake the foundation of Canterlot forever.

“...What’s the wor-”

In the highest room of the tallest tower, Celestia had a look of immense befuddlement on her face. As the shower kicked on, Celestia only knew three things for certain: she was confused, she was conflicted...

...and she was very, very moist.