“Ok, Luna, now we’re all very glad you are a better pony now your back from the moon, and hey! I’m all there, but…”
“But what lief sist'r doth cullionly to intendeth?”
It was afternoon in the castle throne room as there stood two mares in the middle of the room. Celestia held her hood to her face, obviously confused.
“Ok, see? Like, nopony knows what that means anymore.”
“Speaketh liketh what?”
Celestia shook her head. “Like that. Like that old talk you're doing.”
Lina shot Celestia a cold look. “Well, if 't be true i wasn’t did banish on the moon f'r one thousand years, haply mine own dialect wouldst beest to thy liking.”
Celestia now in turn raised an eyebrow. “I think that was a shot, but I honestly can’t tell.”
Lina rolled her eyes and began fidgeting in place. It was no time to be talking about her way of talking. Talking about talking? That’s ridiculous. “To beest fair, i wisheth not to learneth to simpleton f'rm of our quite quaint language. Pure imag'ry flows off the tounge in grace and style. Simply, thy new way of talking doest not impresseth me in the slightest, so i wisheth not to changeth. So sist'r, thanketh thee f'r thy holp, but i guesseth i might not but beest going”
Celestia opened her mouth for a second, face stuck in pure and eternal confusion. “Yeahhhhh, so ya don’t want to change I think?”
Luna began to respond until Celestia shoved her hoof in Luna's mouth. “Wait, wait. Buck me. No, no, Luna, I’m not killing my brain again. Listen, I haven’t heard that talk in a while and well, it’s not easy to get accustomed to.” The hoof was out of the mouth. Repeat. The hoof was out of the mouth. “So to communicate, can you please try to learn the new language?”
Luna sighed, and began to speak when the hoof breached the lips barrier. “Heyyyy, let’s give my ears a break shall we?”
Luna nodded, and Celestia gave a nervous smile. “Ok. TWILIGHT!”
The doors opened to reveal a small purple unicorn as she stumbled through the doorway. It was plainly obvious to the sisters that she was eavesdropping on the conversation, so when she fell on her face, it was hilarious. The sisters began to laugh, which obviously confused the poor unicorn, who began to laugh herself. This only caused the sisters to laugh harder, challenging the young mare. Not to be deterred, Twilight increased in volume, looking at the murals and glass painting for a helping hand in the misunderstood laughing competition. This went on for a minute until Twilight was screaming. The sisters realized this would go on forever, so they did their best to keep a straight face. After realizing there was no laughter anymore, Twilight looked around the otherwise empty room to flex her laughing muscles. She won, let the girl celebrate.
“Haaaaaaaa, so uh, great laugh princess. You know, I was studying laughs and-“
Celestia chuckled, but quickly spoke before Twilight took that as a threat to her throne of chortling. “Twilight, you don’t need to impress me or my sister.”
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief and Celestia continued. “In fact, all I need is for you to get Luna to normally talk.”
“Princess, honestly, it’s not too bad when I heard her.”
“Yeah, well she wasn’t settled in yet.”
“Maybe she’s nervous?”
“Ooh, never thought of that. She’s been sleepwalking.”
“Hasn’t she been here for 2 days?”
“Yes well, she’s crazy, my Luney. Sigh.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Did you just say sigh?”
Celestia shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, I sighed.”
“No, you said the word sigh.”
“Yeah. I was tired.”
“No, I get that. But you literally said sigh.”
“Yeah. I was-“
“Princess, I respect you dearly, but that’s not how you sigh.”
Luna nodded behind them. “I concur yond is weird”
Twilight turned to Luna with a smile and began to forget about her very recent quarrel with Celestia. And that means, like, really recent.
“Oh right Princess, sorry. Ok, let’s go over-“
Celestia jumped in front of the two, and began to laugh awkwardly. “Ok, ok, I’m sorry, but I don’t see what mistake I made that you judged so cockily.”
Stare.
“You said the literal word sig-“
“AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!”
Celestia boosted her voice electrically loud in Twilight's face, forcing her to look away to save her head from being torn off.
“MOTHER OF ME, ALL OF YOU ARE SO UNGRATEFUL. I'M GONNA STORM OUT NOW!”
She dramatically walked to the stairs and looked back with a crazed look in her eyes. “SORRY FOR YELLING! SIGH! HEAR THAT? THAT'S A SIGH MOTHERBUCKER, A BUCKING SIGH!”
And with that, Celestia stormed up to her room, repeating that phrase nonstop. Twilight and Luna only looked for about a second before Twilight turned to the murals. “Well, that was sighprising!” Twilight did mocking laughs as her horn caused a bass riff to play. Luna stared dully at her.
“Wherefore art thou talking to our glass paintings?”
Twilight realized why she was there in the first place and turned to the moon Princess. “Ok, Princess, let’s teach you proper dialect.” Twilight began to float out numerous types of books labeled with literature and language from her backpack she always wore. “Ok Luna. Let’s start with some simple sentences.”
“But of course.”
Rolling of the eyes.
“Ok Princess, we will start off with the easiest one. Repeat after me. The dog chased the ball.”
The Princess cleared her throat, and closed her eyes for maximum concentration. “T-the dog c-chased t-the b-ball.”
Twilight smiled while nodding, thoroughly impressed. “Nice! Ok. How about a longer one. I went to the store, but they didn’t have any sales.”
“I wenteth to the st're but those gents didn’t has't any sales”
“Ok, see, it’s not working. Ya went back to your old thing.”
“Too much w’rk.”
“No, actually, hey look at me, actually it’s not. Because we’ll, ya see, you just repeat after me.”
“Beliefs differ.”
“Cmon, please?”
“No.”
“Fine!” Twilight threw her hooves in the air in immense frustration, in turn throwing the boom she had in her hand. “Luna, cmon, see can’t give up this early. The pacing would be off!”
Luna stared at Twilight, and smirked. “Leaveth me beest oth'rwise i shall shout a whole essay.”
Twilight froze in place and her eyes widened. She smiled very nervously. “Hey Luna, cmon girl. Hey, how about we go over grammar?”
Stare
“Pronouns?”
Stare
“Difference between a verb and an adverb?”
“I stareth at the travelling lamp as i beginneth to questioneth what's real. Whe'r i can beest who is't i wanteth to beest and needeth to beest, to chuckle in the visage of death, and to liveth. I am nay mortal, mine own blood is divine. Mine own blood is true! its all me and mine own reality. Haaaa!”
“Nooooooo!” Twilight held on to her head as it bulged and with a quickness almost not natural, her head blew up into confetti. Lunas laugh struck across the place, until-
“Hey. You killed our comic relief.”
Luna turned to see floating murals, Discord, herself, Celestia, Sombra, all the drawn characters floating carrying baseball bats and crowbars. They slowly descended on the moon princess.
“No! They're alive! THEY'RE ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-“
Author's Note
Adding a normal ending so if your not a fan of this one wait till I release the normal ending
“Ok, see, it’s not working. Ya went back to your old thing.”
“Too much w’rk.”
“No, actually, hey look at me, actually it’s not. Because well, ya see, you just repeat after me.”
“Beliefs differ.”
“Cmon, please?”
“No.”
“Ok well Luna, you're making things very difficult.”
Luna scoffed. “I don’t und'rstand thy qualms. I believeth I talketh n'rmal and it doest not needeth to beest hath changed by any means.”
“Yeah, but it actually kinda does. Because you can’t give speeches when nopony understands you.”
Luna in an instant was hit with realization. “Oh! Aye of course! Mine own acceptance speech!!” Luna materialized a piece of paper, and Twilight's eyes widened.
“Woah woah, please Luna, no need.”
Luna smiled. “Of course! I needeth to use mine own royal voice!”
“Wait, no-“
“TIS THE DARKEST DAYTH WE HAST ENDURED BUT WETH CAN PROSPR AND BE THE BEEST PONIES WE HATH BEEN!”
Twilight slammed into Celestia's throne with unnatural force as Luna screamed at the top of her lungs, the foundation of the castle crumbling around her. Celestia stormed down the steps.
“WHO TOUCHED MY BABY!” She looked over to Luna who was smiling with glee as she read off her script. “IS LUNA YELLING?”
“IT'S HER SPEECH!”
Celestia's face turned to horror. “Oh no…”
“WHAT?”
“She’s been working on that since she’s been here.”
Both looked in with terror in their eyes, Twilight struggling against Luna’s voice.
“WELL DO SOMETHING!”
Celestia looked confused. “What?”
“I DONT KNOW! SHE’S TALKING ABOUT CHECKS AND BALANCES, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE BUCK TO THINK!”
“Oh no! She always did have a strong stance on keeping the federal government in check!”
“PLEASE!”
Celestia thought about a minute, then turned to Twilight with a smile. “Oh, well, I don’t know what to do. Sigh.” She stared straight at Twilight.
“PRINCESS!”
“Hmm?”
“WHY ARE WE HOLDING GRUDGES! I'M ABOUT TO BE FLAYED ALIVE!”
Celestia studied her hoof, a small smirk emerging on her face. “I don’t know what you're talking about. All I did was sigh.”
“PRINCESS NO PLEASE!”
Celestia faked concern. “Wait, unless I didn’t sigh. Unless that’s not how you do it.” She smiled at Twilight again. “But it is, though, right?”
“CE-“
“It. Is. Though. Isn’t It?”
Twilight looked down, as much as she could in her situation. “FINE. OK. IT'S A SIGH!”
“Also Balck Forest is better than Canoli Cake.”
“THAT WAS A PASSING COMMENT A WEEK AGO!”
“An idiotic comment that has been stuck in my mind for as long as you said those words you imbecile!” Celestia spat at Twilight.
“WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?”
“It has everything to do with this!”
“FINE IT IS!”
“Now call me Mommy!”
“...”
Celestia waved a woof in dismissal, chuckling. “Nah, that’s weird. I got it.”
In a split second, and with a quick flash of her horn, an anvil appeared above Luna's head. The poor fluffy princess only had seconds to understand what was going on.
“We needeth to taketh a intermit the economy and all to receiveth an equal footing into business the present day. This way, all of equestria can knocketh off those trusts in 'rd'r to-wuh?”
BANG!
With a sickening sound, the anvil slammed Luna in the head as she instantly went down. Twilight gasped, free from her loud ass prison. She immediately went over to the fallen sister.
“Celestia! A freaking anvil?!??”
Celestia shrugged, now standing alongside Twilight, looking without emotion.
“Worked though, didn’t it?”
“She’s bleeding from her head!”
Celestia's magic wrapped around Luna, and slowly turned her over so her mangled side wouldn’t be seen.
“What are you talking about?”
“I think you killed her!”
Celestia chuckled, waving a hoof in dismissal. “Oh, this? Nah. We’re immortals. She is going to be fineeee.” Celestia began to squat up and down. “Let’s celebrate!”
Twilight began to tiptoe behind her, being cautious as possible. “Ok, well I’m going to leave.”
“Okay!”
The last sight Twilight saw was Celestia, now clapping along with the squats staring down at her incapacitated sister.
