My name is Shadow the Hedgehog and this is my story.
Shadow the Hedgehog pulled out a crisp metal that glistened before the light. Its barrel and short body sat in his hands. He cocked the back and prepared to fire its incredible length all over the Ponyville civilians. A loud ring rang out from his motorcycle that had the jingle of “Montero”, so he went and found his phone shooked against the leather seat.
“Oh for nuts sakes, I was about to savagely brutalize these ponies for being too fucking cute, gah this shit makes my wrists hurt” said Shadow, he scratched his wrist in anticipation for tonight. It was daddy's turn to make mommy hurt like he did. “Fuck this, I’m just going to go fuck with Pinkie Pie or whatever…”
Shadow took off in his motorcycle which left a gust of smoke that circled around behind where he drove. It made Sweetie Belle cough and eyes turn yellow during the homosexual diversity festival they were enjoying. The hedgehog took in a waft out of a fat blunt which he let out a tuft of pleasurable smoke. His eyes turned reddish in color and he gave a satisfied smile.
“Oh fuck man, this is some good ass cush, I wish Jesus Christ was a blunt so I can smoke him” he said, before he rotated his arms forth and back in a circle motion. “I hope she is okay with a pot smoker like me, I tsundere like no tomorrow”.
Shadow went his way until some kind of bat slapped him in the face. He screamed a terrified girlish squeal as the motorcycle went out of control. His body did a four hundred twenty degree flip before he landed on the road with a powerful slam. He turned around and walked back to his vehicle to find a body with a cape that laid in the ground. The stranger turned up and it was a tall black clothed man who massaged his sore head.
“Oh god what the fuck” said the stranger. “I’m so sorry, do you take vampire insurance?” He took out a piece of paper with an image of a bat and an insurance company named “Morgan and Morgan, for the people” on it.
Shadow extended his hand and pierced the vampire’s chest in one blow. Blood began to seep out from the chest wound before it slid off and fell to the ground. Then, Shadow threw the vampire stain with one motion which cleaned his entire hand.
“Racist Term tongues my anus” said Shadow as went to walk down the road. The motorcycle then vibrated before it exploded in a hot flash of fire and smoke. His body slowed to a crawl as the fire flamed on. Then he continued to walk down the road. After several miles of this, Shadow remembered he could go fast.
“Holy shit, I can go really fast, I forgot” he said.
Shadow ran so fast that the skin on his face stretched behind him. He now arrived at Sugar Cube Corner where sweets and sugar sat alone in a corner. At the door was Pinkie Pie who refused to let Shadow in because she was a bitch ass honky.
“Let me in you stupid skank, I only gave you hedgehog aids because i’m your best friend” said Shadow with a knock of the door. Then, Pinkie Pie opened the door which screeched open.
“You promise you won’t turn me into an anthropomorphic creature?” said Pinkie Pie who had long smooth depressed mane. “I don’t need legs of a human, that feels fucking weird on my imagination i’m crazy”.
Shadow kicked Pinkie Pie to the side of the wall and pulled down his imaginary pants. Down those pants, was an elongated schlong that was ready to penetrate.
Shadow slammed his penis into her throat. His hedgehog cock slapped deep into her cheeks to the point where you could see them bulge. Then, he slapped his cock deep into her throat where his furry black pelvis touched her muzzle. Then he shot spurts of seed into her throat and face where she then released him.
“Oh fuck, that was so hot, my penis ejaculated so hard, I need a smoke break” he said, before dissapearing and then getting a pack of menthols in one second. “Thank you Pinkie Pie, you changed my ways and now I will thank you by giving you a hug’.
“Oh really, you aren’t just gonna stab me or something right?” and shadow stabbed her with a bowie knife in the shoulder blade.
“Something to remember me by because I am gay and gave you aids” said Shadow the Hedgehog. “Remember to call me by your name next time I come to Equestria”.
She nodded and he disappeared.
As Shadow the Hedgehog continued to run at top speeds, he began to think. He wondered how being homosexual was a wrong idea when he himself was one as well. How could a gay man with straight sensibilites even exist. All he could think of was how this identification, this ludicrous felony of ideas had consumed him. The only thought that remained was the unusual insanity of being nothing more than a miasma of confusion.
And so he shot himself in the head with a pistol.
Dear Rainbow Dash,
It has come to my attention that you have been degenerated into a Nazi Supremacist. The reason was not your control, but because you took in the virus while visiting Fluttershy while under the influence of the said drugs: Heroin, Krokodile, Mary ji Juana, crack cocaine, and a lot more. We beseech you to be free of drugs and Nazism, for you will surely gain nothing but hatred. Also, you’re gay.
Sincerely, Princess Celestia.
Rainbow Dash tucked the letter away in her butthole. It sucked into herself before it disappeared from sight. Then she exploded because being outdone the edginess by another being wasn't enough for her. She needed to outshine.
