”Notebook, check. Rulebooks, check. Dice, check. Does everypony have their character sheets?” Twilight asked from behind her DM screen.
”Sure do!” Rainbow Dash said confidently. Fluttershy nodded gently, looking over her papers one more time.
”All ready, darling!” Rarity said, laying down her quill after adding a few finishing flourishes to her character portrait.
Twilight smiled and looked down at her notes. ”Okay. You all meet in a tavern-”
Her narration was cut short by a flash of light as Discord in his Captain Wuzz outfit teleported in the middle of the table. ”Hold it right there! I heard there was a game of Ogres and Oubliettes about to start!”
”What? How did you hear about this?” Rarity asked.
”Oh, I have a sixth sense about these things.” he said, pointing at an extra ear on the back of his head.
”Discord!” Fluttershy exclaimed. ”What are you doing here?”
Discord shrunk back a little, continuing in a much more polite tone. ”Well, the guy’s night is a few days ahead so I was wondering if I could join your game in the meantime?”
Twilight rubbed her chin in thought. ”Well, with Applejack at the rodeo we are indeed one player short. Okay Discord, welcome aboard!”
”YES!" he said with a victorious fist-pump, before pulling out his dice bag and pouring out his character sheet and gaming chair. ”Captain Wuzz, at your service!”
Twilight levitated his character sheet to herself, taking a moment to read it through and take some notes. ”Alright, everything seems to be in order so let’s get started: You all meet in a tavern-”
”Hold on.” Discord interrupted, holding up his paw and turnip-hand. ”Are you really planning to play this game just on paper?” he asked.
”What do you mean?” Twilight asked, tilting her head in confusion.
Discord snapped his fingers, instantly turning the room into a medieval tavern filled with cardboard cutout characters. It took the ponies a while to take it all in - everything was real, except on a closer look placed along a grid covering the floor. ”This is how we play at the guy’s night!" Discord said, smiling smugly as he leaned back in his chair.
To his surprise, Twilight didn’t look too happy. ”Thanks Discord, but I already have a meticulously planned out campaign I’d like to run myself.”
”Yes of course. And I can make it real!” Discord exclaimed, taking a swig from his mug-shaped token.
”It’s not really my campaign if I’m not the one running it.” Twilight explained, trying not to sound ungrateful.
”Um, Discord?” Fluttershy said, tapping his shoulder for attention. ”Could you let Twilight run the game? She’s been really looking forward to all the calculations and number-crunching.”
Discord rubbed his chin in thought, taking off his beard to briefly scratch his head with it as he weighed his options. On one hand he really wanted to play, but on the other playing on paper wasn’t nearly as exciting. On the third hand, if Twilight could borrow his magic she could host the game while he’d also get to play it the way he wanted. He definitely didn’t like being powerless even for a second, but this was a matter of Ogres and Oubliettes!
”Fine.” he said, putting his beard back on and retracting the third arm he’d sprouted. ”But only if you use my magic to make it happen!”
”Really? That’s fantastic!” Twilight gasped with eyes full of joy, before she remembered something that curbed her enthusiasm. ”But aren’t you the only one who can handle chaos magic without going insane?”
Discord laughed at the implication that he wasn’t already insane himself. ”Oh, don’t worry Twilight! You don’t need to handle ALL of my magic, as it’s mostly bound into maintaining this dimension. You can trust me on this.”
Twilight looked at her friends for advice, but seeing all of them smiling and nodding at her encouragingly, she let out a calming breath and agreed. ”Alright Discord. Let’s do this!”
Discord smiled with glee and reached one finger to touch Twilight’s horn. Suddenly, a bright flash of light blinded the ponies as a loud explosion threw the tavern into disarray, the cardboard characters running around screaming in terror. Rarity was the first to regain her sight, blinking as she looked around the table and saw only a charred spot where Twilight had just sat.
”Twilight! What did you do to her?” she yelled at Discord, who was still laying on his back regaining his bearings.
Discord groggily lifted his hand and snapped his fingers, but nothing happened. He tried a few more times, before an angry stomp to the balls caught his attention in an instant. ”GAAH!” he yelled in unexpected pain, instinctively grabbing his balls and starting to roll over before Rarity’s hooves forced him to face her.
”What did you do to Twilight?” she demanded angrily, the sounds of other ponies gasping and screaming carrying from behind her as Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy noticed the remains of her seat.
”She’s running the game!” Discord grunted between clenched teeth. ”She’s fine, unlike my balls!” he added, slumping over to his side as Rarity let go of him.
She stepped back and tossed her mane back with a huff. ”My apologies. But you should have warned us what was going to happen!”
Discord groaned in pain, taking a few deep breaths to deal with the ache before continuing the conversation. ”Would somepony heal me already?!”
Now Rarity blushed with some embarrassment, as she looked at the other party members. ”We, uh, don’t have a healer at the moment.”
Discord cursed quietly at having to deal with this kind of pain, but Fluttershy was next to pipe up. ”I know a soothing song that could help. Should I try it?”
”Yes!” Discord replied with an exasperated grunt. These mares definitely weren’t treating his balls with the urgency he’d have preferred.
”Okay. *ahem* Captain Wuzz, Captain Wuzz, got hit in the eggs.” Fluttershy sang gently as she strummed her lute. ”Now they are cracked between his leggs...”
Discord cringed at her choice of lyrics, but the pain was ever so slowly starting to ebb. After a few more embarrassing verses he stood up, as despite the lingering pain in his nuts the crowd of NPC mares gathering around him was getting just too humiliating. ”Thank you Fluttershy. Were those lyrics really necessary though?”
”Oh yes.” Fluttershy nodded. ”That’s how bardic magic works in this world.”
Discord rolled his eyes, deciding to just get on with the game. ”Very interesting. Now, what is our quest?” he asked, pulling his fallen chair upright and sitting on it, letting his sore nuts hang comfortably over its edge.
”I don’t know yet.” Rainbow Dash said. ”We’ll just have to keep you eyes open for anything suspicious.”
”Or we could just ask around.” Rarity suggested, gesturing to the barmaid.
The purple mare trotted over to their table smiling politely. ”Greetings! My name is Fruity Punch, how may I serve you?”
”Hello Fruity Punch. Any juicy rumors going around?” Rarity asked.
”Well... There are rumors that a sorceress has been gathering some dangerous artifacts in her tower, but if you ask me-”
Rainbow Dash stood up fast enough to bump the table, pinning Discord’s nuts between it’s leg and his seat. He let out a raspy gasp of pain, but the ponies were too focused on the discussion to pay attention to him. ”You mean Sorceress Darkle?” Dash inquired further.
”Oh, that’s right! Have you heard of her?”
”Do we? We’ve been chasing her for days!” Rainbow continued, but Discord wasn’t paying attention to it over the situation with his balls. He couldn’t move the table with all the ponies leaning on it, he couldn’t move the chair with his weight sitting on it, and he couldn’t stand up with his balls trapped.
”Move the table back!” he finally managed to croak. Noticing his plight, the ponies paused their discussion for a second to let him out of his pinch before continuing. Pressing his forehead against the table, Discord could only wait in silent agony until they had learned everything they could from the barmaid.
”...So, our next destination should be the Mystical Magic Wagon.” Rainbow Dash concluded with the rest of the mares nodding in agreement. ”Now what was that table thing about Captain Wuzz? You almost scared her away!”
Discord slowly looked up at her, still holding onto his throbbing nuts with exasperated disbelief on his face. If she didn’t know what had happened, it would have been embarrassing to tell it to her. He simply sighed and turned to Fluttershy instead. ”Just sing that darn song again.”
Fluttershy blinked in confusion, until she looked down and gasped as the pieces fell into place. ”Oh my! I’m so sorry about that!” she said, quickly pulling her lute off her back and starting a new song. ”Captain Wuzz got his balls crushed by table leg, I hope that he’s able to have children yet...”
Rarity and Rainbow Dash, until now unaware of the happenings beneath the table, burst into riotous laughter upon hearing Fluttershy’s lyrics. Discord hunched over in embarrassment, grumbling to himself and trying to look inconspicuous as more and more cardboard mares started looking his way with more or less unrestrained laughter. He really wished somepony had picked a quicker - or at least a less attention-grabbing - method of healing.
After assuring Fluttershy that it was okay to stop singing again, Discord and the party left the tavern to continue their adventure. Rainbow Dash was still joking about his accident, while Rarity at least tried to conceal her amusement.
”So what is this Magical Mystery Wagon we’re looking for?” Discord asked to draw their attention away from his uncomfortable gait.
”The Mystical Magic Wagon? It’s owned by the Grand and Powerful Mystixie, the wandering mystic.” Fluttershy explained as she hovered up next to him. ”She can be very temperamental, but her information has often been invaluable for us.”
”Look! Over there!” Rainbow Dash shouted, pointing at a purple wagon at the outskirts of the town. Excited to see the story moving forward, the party quickly made their way inside to meet the mystic.
Discord was surprised to find the cramped little wagon unoccupied, but the ponies sat down on the floor as soon as they got in. Thinking the large empty space they left was for him, he stepped right past them to sit down opposite to them. The ponies gasped with alarmed looks, but before they could get a word from their mouths, something exploded right in his lap.
”GYAAH!” Discord screamed, his balls flattening to pancakes in an instant as a cloud of thick smoke enveloped him. He reflexively tried to curl up to protect himself, but as he did his face landed against something soft and warm.
”Who requests an audience with the Grand and-” the blue blue unicorn emerging from the smoke started, before she was cut off by Discord planting his face right between her buttocks. She slowly looked behind her, twisting her rear hoof on his balls as she did, eliciting another agonized wail from the unlucky draconequus.
”G-get off my sack!” he screamed, gripping her leg to lift it off his scrotum. Mystixie let out a surprised squeal and jumped away, squashing his nuts one more time and finally allowing him to collapse holding onto his aching nuts.
”Who dares touch the Grand and Powerful Mystixie!?” the indignant mare shouted, zapping a quick spell at his groin before he had any chance to answer. His balls felt like she’d just kicked them from the inside, overwhelming him with a shockwave of agony before his friends could calm the furious magician and explain the situation to her.
Discord’s entire consciousness was to flooded with pain to register anything but the throbbing agony between his legs, but after a while he could make out the telltale sounds of Fluttershy singing about his genitals again. Doing his best to not think about the lyrics, he could only wait for the aching to ever so slowly wane away. However, his nuts were still aching when Rainbow Dash suddenly interrupted Fluttershy mid-song.
”Okay Captain, you’re up!” she said, grabbing his arms with Rarity and helping him upright.
”Up to what?” Discord asked, puzzled. ”I’d much rather hear a few more verses.” he said, cringing internally at the content of the said verses.
”While you were lying about, we sealed a deal with Mystixie.” Rarity said, straightening his tunic with her magic. ”She gets to kick your balls and we get the-”
”Now stop right there!” Discord exclaimed, yanking his hands free from the mares hooves. ”I didn’t agree to have my family jewels touched by anypony!”
”Come on, this is the only lead we have!” Rainbow Dash stated impatiently.
”No way! She just zapped me there already!” Discord demanded angrily.
”Don’t worry Discord.” Fluttershy consoled. ”I’m here to take good care of your little ballsies.”
”No! You have no idea how-”
”Get him!” Dash interrupted, surprising both him and Fluttershy as Rarity and her grabbed his arms firmly. Discord glanced at his captors in disbelief, before looking down and seeing Mystixie already coiling her leg for a hard buck.
”NOO!” Discord screamed in terror as the grinning mare launched her hoof back, smashing his sack with a gut-churning crunch. Discord’s protests turned into a garbled scream, his whole body spasming before going limp and slumping down to the floor. Mystixie let out a mocking laughter, but her words were lost to Discord as he did his best trying not to puke his nuts out.
After several humorous ballads for the mares and humiliating but desperately-needed healing session for Discord, the party was back on the road towards the sorceresses hideout. Fluttershy was running out of lyrics and had asked Rarity and Rainbow Dash for more synonyms for balls, resulting in many cringeworthy euphemisms that Discord was sure had never been used in reality.
”Twin Hoofballs!”
”Punting Cushions!”
”Trouser Omelettes!”
”Would you two stop already!” he snapped in exasperation.
”I’m sorry darling, we’re just trying to keep our repertoire prepared in case you need it again.” Rarity said with a slight smirk.
”I wouldn’t have needed it last time if you hadn’t sold me out.” he grumbled.
”Sorry darling. I’m sure your jewels will be fine from now on.” Rarity said, petting his back gently.
Just as she did, a flying rock out of nowhere struck Discord in the balls, crushing them like grapes and sending the draconequus tumbling down with a bloodcurdling scream.
”It’s an ambush!” Dash yelled, flying straight up for a better vantage point.
”Take cover!” Rarity screamed, grabbing Discord with Fluttershy and dragging him behind a large rock at the side of the road. ”Can you see anything?” she yelled up to Rainbow Dash.
”Twenty six wildmares ahead! Eight with slingshots, rest with spears!” she reported.
”Oh no!” Fluttershy gasped. ”And we don’t have Orchard Paladin with us! What do we do?”
Discord was holding his groin in searing pain, more desperate than anypony to resolve the situation so Fluttershy could get around to healing his balls. ”Don’t you have any spells to deal with them?” he asked Rarity.
”Spells? Oh, no, I’m a bard.” she replied.
”A bard? Fluttershy is a bard!” Discord gasped out with great exasperation.
”Yes, a musical bard. I on the other hoof am more of a social bard.” Rarity explained.
”Well go socialize with them!” he spat out with frustration. Unable to come up with better ideas, Rarity took a few nervous breaths to calm herself and nervously walked off to negotiate with the wildmares.
Fluttershy stood up against the rock to peer after her, when being left alone with Discord alerted him to his pained gasps and groans. ”Oh! I almost forgot...” she gasped, quickly getting the lute off her back and starting to sing in a half-whispering voice. ”Captain Wuzz hit in balls with a small flying rock, his ballsack now squashed like well-stomped sock...”
Discord could hear the nervousness from Fluttershy’s voice, but her healing song was still making the incapacitating pain of his crushed balls wane into something more bearable. His nuts were feeling much better when Rarity finally returned, visibly relieved by finishing her negotiations.
”I got some great news for you!” she said, wiping a few beads of sweat from her bow with a silken handkerchief. ”The chieftess of the wildmares is willing to let us pass in exchange for some... um... male companionship.” she finished with an awkward blush.
”Really?” Discord asked, raising his eyebrows. ”That seems unexpected from a game ran by Twililight of all ponies.”
Rarity let out a nervous laughter. ”Eheheh, yeah... maybe it’s just because we’ve never had a male in the party before.” she suggested.
Discord looked at her suspiciously, but as the wildmares in ragged fur clothing appeared all around them, he realized they really didn’t have any other chance. And the way they kept glancing at his junk made him hopeful that he could indeed solve the situation with his manly charms. As the excited mares practically carried her to the village ahead of the party, he really felt like his luck was finally turning.
As he was brought to the center of the primitive village, his captors lowered him in front of a strong, beige earth mare who looked him up and down with a pleased smile. ”I am Bong Bong!” she introduced herself. ”You’ll make a fine male for our inexperienced warriors!”
”Maybe a bit much for the inexperienced, but I’ll be gentle.” Discord said, grinning with glee at how straightforward these savages were.
Bong Bong smiled at him, nodding gently before turning to address the rest of her tribe. ”These are balls!” she said as she pointed a hoof at his crotch, his smile vanishing in an instant. ”Aim there for great effect!” she instructed, stepping back and leaving him standing in shock, surrounded by savage mares staring at his package with gleeful eyes.
”Now hold on, hold on everypony!” he pleaded, holding his hands out towards the slowly encroaching ponies. As he backed away from the mares in front of him, a hoof from behind struck his balls with a fierce uppercut, smashing them against his pelvis with terrifying strength. He screamed out in pain, lowering his guard to cup his balls which allowed the rest of the mares to pounce him, toppling him beneath their squirming bodies as they all went straight for his tender privates. Discord screamed in agony as dozens of hooves groped at his balls, squeezing, slapping and bopping inexpertly as the excited mares experimented to their hearts content.
”Ooh, squishy!”
”And stretchy!”
”Weird little things!”
”They’re soft? Aren’t they called stones?”
”I thought they were supposed to crack like eggs.”
Discord could only squirm helplessly, his screams muffled by the plot of a mare sitting on his face as she looked for her chance to squash his nuts. The unending stream of jabs and stomps to his tormented balls was more than his mind could handle, and with the mares kneading his nuts like lumps of dough he finally blacked out from the pain.
”Hey you. You’re finally awake.”
Discord groggily opened his eyes, looking around his unfamiliar surroundings. His balls were throbbing in agony, and feeling them carefully with his hand he could tell that they had swollen to roughly three times their normal size. He appeared to be inside one of the huts, with a mint-colored unicorn looking up and down his body with a curious expression. ”Yes. Awake and sore as Tartarus!” he muttered angrily.
”I want to suck your cock!” the unicorn said excitedly, looking him in the eyes as she put her forehoof on his balls. Discord yelped and flinched - she was obviously trying to be somewhat gentle, but against his sore balls her hoof felt like a ton of bricks.
”OW OW OW! Careful with those!” Discord urged, relaxing a little as she lifted her hoof. ”In case you didn’t notice, what you and your tribe did really put me off the mood for that!” he said, rubbing his nuts gently to soothe the pain.
The pain exploded anew as the mare slammed her hoof right back on his balls much harder, leaving them compressed. ”Pleease!” she pleaded as she pressed harder, her hoof slowly crushing his swollen eggs like a hydraulic press.
”Okay okay okay! I’ll do it!” Discord frantically yelled to save his nuts. He could feel every agonizing detail of them reverting to their original shape as her hoof lifted, leaving him gasping for breath as he cradled his nuts for his dear life.
The mare let out a happy whinny and turned around, pushing his hands away from his groin as she plopped herself backwards on top of him. ”Good! And I want you to finger me!” she said as she carelessly grabbed his sensitive balls between her hooves. Discord gasped in pain, but quickly brought his hands up to her plot to avoid angering her with his tender parts still at her mercy. He rubbed his clawed hand over her vulva, eliciting a pleased hum from her as she started teasing his sheath with her tongue. He wished she’d let his poor balls go, but even with the unnerving grip of her hooves around them, the situation was already getting him hard. As she started to suck on his stiffening member he used his fingers to spread her pussy and give it a lick, earning him a quick, hard punch right in his swollen ballsack. The worst pain he had feared from her squeeze was nothing compared to the blunt force crushing his balls, all the pain at the hooves of the tribe exploding anew in his tenderized sack.
”No lick! Only finger!” the mare demanded angrily over the agonized wailing of a busted draconequus. Eyes wide as saucers and face still contorted in a scream of pain, Discord quickly obeyed and stared fingering her pussy to the best of his ability. She let out a pleased moan and got back to fellating him, the combination of pain in his balls and the feeling of her lips on his cock almost too much to handle. He rubbed her winking marehood faster, her frantic movements revealing that she was approaching her limit just like he was. Her body clenched in the throes of passion, her rear legs squeezing his body as her forehooves squashed his balls like she was trying to squeeze juice from an orange. He screamed in agony, quickly joined by an intense orgasm as his cock erupted like a firehose inside her mouth. For what seemed like an eternity he lost track of everything but his genitals as they kept pumping out load after load of hot thick cum. He had nearly passed out by the time his orgasm finally started to ebb, his cock shooting a few more squirts in the face of the now white-faced mare. His body went limp, and he could only lay back and catch his breath under his equally exhausted partner.
After a minute the mint-colored mare finally spoke up. ”That... was good!”
Discord replied with a barely audible groan. The orgasm had been mindblowing, but the throbbing pain in his balls was going to last a lot longer. Suddenly, their moment was broken as the door of the hut opened and the familiar beige earth pony stepped in.
”Gyra! What are you doing?!” Bong Bong asked.
”Bong Bong! I’m, uh, training!” she lied, punching Discord in the balls to support her story. He screamed at the explosion of renewed agony, before Gyra started really laying the pain on his balls with fierce blows from alternating hooves. After six more testicle-crushing blows Bong Bong finally rolled her eyes asked her to stop.
”Yeah yeah, okay.” she said just to get on with it. ”The adventurers are leaving and need their male back. Bring him to them - and get yourself cleaned up!”
Discord’s purple, swollen nutsack throbbed between his limp legs as two mares carried his semi-conscious body back to the waiting party.
”Oh hey Captain Wuzz! Did you have fun?” Rarity chirped happily.
”Oh my, you look spent!” Fluttershy commented, blushing and covering her mouth to conceal her giggling.
”Can’t blame him.” Rainbow Dash added, gently nudging Fluttershy with her elbow. ”Lucky guy must have slept with most of the tribe!”
Discord looked weakly at the party that still thought sex was what they’d wanted male company for. He was about to correct them when Bong Bong slapped his nuts, setting off another explosion of pain in his swollen eggs.
”Good male, big balls!” she commented, ignoring his wails of pain as he twitched from pain.
”And look at this!” Rarity continued like nothing had happened. ”In exchange for some avant-garde fashion tips, they even offered to take us straight to the sorceresses’ lair!” she said, gesturing towards a crude but comfy-looking cart.
Discord was still breathless from the slap when Dash and Fluttershy grabbed his arms to lift him into the cart, with Rarity pushing from below with one hoof squarely on his throbbing ballsack. He squealed in pain, his thoroughly tenderized nuts flattening under his weight before the ponies flopped him down on the cart, allowing him to curl up into a ball to protect his poor eggs from any further damage. The ponies sat in the cart around him and waved goodbye to their wildmare hosts, now dressed entirely in grass skirts and wooden jewelry.
Discord could feel every tiny movement of the cart in his nuts as they jostled around his sack. ”F-fluttershy, my balls...” he croaked out, catching the gentle pegasus’ attention.
”Oh, I guess they must be sore after so much - um - cuddling...” she said, her voice trailing off as she blushed. She tried not to look at him as she took out her lute and started singing. ”Captain Wuzz the great lover of wildmare tribe, taking them... um... on... a... ride?"
He looked up to see why Fluttershy had stopped singing, finding her looking at her lute with a puzzled expression. ”What are you waiting for?” he demanded impatiently from the one pony that could help with his indescribable agony.
”That’s odd. Usually bardic songs just flow out with magic.” Fluttershy said as she studied her instrument for anything out of place. Suddenly her eyes widened in realization, her face blushing in embarrassment of what she needed to say. ”I might need more details about... um... what you did with the... um...”
At this point the two wildmares pulling the wagon couldn’t hold their laughter anymore, stopping the cart abruptly as they burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter. Fluttershy, Rarity and Rainbow Dash all looked in confusion as the wagon pullers struggled to catch their breath long enough to explain what they were laughing at.
”Sex... sex with this guy?” one of them managed to say before collapsing back into fits of laughter.
”He was our sparring target!” another added with tears in her eyes before returning to her side-splitting guffawing. Fluttershy gasped as she realized the implications, while Rarity and Rainbow Dash burst into laughter themselves.
”Oh man!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, rolling on the wagon floor with Discord and nudging his side like he was supposed to find it funny as well. ”That must have been some nut-pounding excitement, eh? Get it? Like heart-pounding but with nuts!”
Rarity barely managed to stay sitting as she laughed in a somewhat more ladylike manner. ”Oh Darling, I thought you felt squishier than usual down there!”
”Aww, don’t worry Captain.” Fluttershy comforted, smiling gently and petting him with her hoof. ”Just tell us all about it and we’ll have your ballsies fixed in no time.”
Discord would have sighed in resignation, had he been able to breathe normally, and started regaling the tale of how the mares carried her to the village like a guest of honor before ganging up on his balls like they owed them money. Fluttershy had to ask him to repeat himself on multiple occasions as the riotous laughter and joking comments from other ponies kept interrupting him. The wildmares even shared some personal accounts on how they’d experimented with his testicles. He felt nauseous just hearing about how they had kept biting and stomping his balls long after he had fallen unconscious.
Fluttershy had done and admirable job trying not to giggle at the mares stories, and eventually had enough material for a proper healing song. The party got moving again, with Fluttershy singing her song and the rest of the party wholeheartedly joining in during the choruses.
”...Oh great Captain Wuzz with the balls of mush! The nuts every single mare wants to crush!”
He could only grumble under his breath, enduring the humiliation as the agony of his swollen testicles finally started to ever so slowly wane again. And he preferred not to think about why the ”every single mare” part wasn’t hampering the flow of Fluttershy’s singing.
The trip went mostly uneventfully - aside from one more stop due to riotous laughter as Discord had to divulge what happened during his private session with Gyra. Nevertheless, by the time they arrived to their destination his balls had recovered to their original size and condition. The party waved goodbye to the cart pullers, as they left back home singing the new song that was destined to become their tribes favorite for generations to come.
Despite the humiliating journey, being finally free of pain and back on the adventure had Discord feeling pretty great. He looked up at the imposing tower of black stone, and down at the impressive metal door that appeared to be it’s only entrance. Rainbow Rogue was already picking the lock, with the rest of the party waiting anxiously to enter the villainesses lair.
”I can’t believe we finally caught up to her!” Rarity said, giddily trotting in place.
”Oh yes!” Fluttershy agreed. ”Do you have the magic nullifier?”
”Right here.” Rarity said, levitating a horn ring up to show it to Discord and Fluttershy. ”As soon as we get this on her horn, she’ll be completely powerless and ready to capture!”
”How are we going to get the ring on her?” Discord asked.
With one more click, Rainbow Dash finished picking the lock. ”We have to use the element of surprise.” she said. ”The sorceress spends most of the time so absorbed in her books, sneaking up on her should be a piece of cake!”
”But we still have to be quiet.” Fluttershy reminded. ”If she spots us we’ll have to fight her, and she is really powerful!”
Discord nodded. ”Got it. Everypony, stay quiet and follow me!” he said in a half whisper as he carefully opened the door.
The ponies gasped in unison, too late to warn him before he activated a trap waiting behind it. Discord barely had time to see the swinging log coming at him, falling lower as it picked up speed and slammed right between his legs hard enough to throw him off his feet. He barely managed to suppress his scream of pain as the log squashed his balls and threw him out onto his back between the shocked ponies.
”Oh dear!” Fluttershy gasped, quickly taking out her lute to soothe his pain. However, Rainbow Dash was quick to stop her before she could start playing.
”Ssh! We can’t make too much noise or she’ll hear us!” she hushed her.
”Oh, right.” Fluttershy nodded. ”Sorry Captain, you’ll just have to bear it for a while.” she said, empathically petting the whimpering draconequus cradling his balls.
”Count yourself lucky.” Rarity said, gaining an angry glare from Discord. ”Had you been a pony, that log would have hit you in the head. Now that would have really hurt!”
Discord didn’t even dignify her with an answer, opting to just rock back and forth, groan quietly and try to wait out the worst of his agony.
”I’d better go ahead and clear the traps.” Rainbow Dash said. ”Follow me once you’ve got your nuts together.” she said with a smirk before carefully sneaking inside.
After a few minutes, Discord got up on his still wobbly legs. His balls were throbbing in pain, but he knew that the sooner they’d catch their target, the sooner Fluttershy was free to play her healing song again.
”Are you feeling okay?” she asked, looking at his pained face as he slowly straightened himself.
”Close enough.” he lied, starting to hobble bow-legged after Rainbow Dash.
Entering the tower with almost paranoid carefulness, Discord saw loads of disarmed traps from spiked pits to sawblades strewn across the floor. Dash had done good job cleaning the way for him and the rest of the ponies, and they got safely to the second floor where Dash had just finished a safe path to the next staircase. She silently gestured the party to follow her, nervously pointing a hoof up to indicate that the sorceress was just above them. They made their way across the room as quietly as possible, until Discord’s horn snagged onto something.
His eyes widened in horror as he recognized the telltale click of a triggering tripwire, and a fist-sized rock on a string fell from the ceiling. He was too late to react as the trap swung down in a way too familiar arc, right into his already tender sack. His swollen balls flattened around the hard and fast stone, forcing out a barely muffled scream of agony as he fell down on his knees cupping his throbbing groin.
”SSH!” the ponies hushed in unison, staring at him as he squirmed in his silent suffering.
”Weren’t you supposed to take out the traps?” he whispered angrily, his balls feeling like two cantaloupes made of pulsating agony.
”I’m sorry, okay!” Dash replied in an exasperated whisper. ”I didn’t think to look that high! Now get moving already!”
Discord took a few deep breaths and got up with Fluttershy’s help. Rarity took one step ahead of him, stepping on a shovel and sending its handle bouncing right up into his tormented balls. This time, the jolt of pain striking his balls took him completely by surprise and he couldn’t help letting out a sharp yelp of pain before his legs completely failed him.
”Come on! That wasn’t even a trap!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, glaring at the male for slowing down the adventure.
”Ooh... Sorry darling!” Rarity said, blushing sheepishly. ”I’ll make it up to you the next time we-”
Suddenly, an angry yell interrupted the party’s internal bickering. ”WHO DARES ENTER MY SANCTUM?!”
The ponies turned around in unison, coming face to face with the purple unicorn sorceress, clad in a black, spiky armor and staring at them furiously. Not waiting for an answer, she lashed out at them with a black tendril of magic, barely missing Rainbow Dash as she dodged away from her.
”It’s the sorceress!” Fluttershy screamed, jumping behind a table and tipping it over for cover.
”We got you now, Darkle!” Rarity said, pulling out her magic nullifier. Darkle lashed another tendril at her, swiping the ring right off her telekinetic grip and sending it flying into the corner of the room. Rarity gasped and ran after it, leaving Discord alone in the middle of the room.
With the adrenaline of the sudden fight, he had already drawn out his bow, and was now aiming an arrow right at the sorceress. ”Goodbye, trap-making maniac!” he said, releasing the arrow and sending it flying right between her eyes. To his horror, the arrow stopped mid-air in front of her, before snapping in half in her telekinetic grip and falling uselessly onto the floor.
”You!” Darkle yelled, staring right at him with burning eyes. ”You are going to pay for that!” she said, lashing one of her magical tendrils at him. Discord tried to roll out of its way, but the tendril curled up right between his legs, tugging his roll to a halt with a firm grip on his ballsack.
”No no no! Not the balls!” he screamed in terror, the thought of receiving any more punishment to his already tender testicles filling him with pure terror. His begging turned to screaming as the sorceress dragged him to her by his balls, until she was looking him straight in the eyes with a tight grip around his nuts.
”In fact, you are going to serve me!” she said with an evil grin. She raised her head, her horn glowing as she cast a red forcefield around them, giving Discord a weird, unfamiliar sensation. He had no idea what the spell was until Rainbow Dash attempted to attack the sorceress from behind.
”HAII-YAH!” she yelled, attacking the forcefield with a high-speed flying kick. As her hoof struck the forcefield, Discord’s testicles exploded with pain like she had kicked them directly.
”YAAUGH!” he yelled, grasping at his balls still held taut by Darkle’s magic tendril. She smirked at him before turning her attention to the rest of the party, lashing at them with her tendrils while yelling threats and curses. Dash threw a series of hard punches against the shield, the force of each carrying directly into Discord’s helpless balls and confirming beyond a shadow of a doubt what the spell was doing.
”The shield is- AARGH!” he tried to warn the ponies, but a two-hooved buck from Rarity knocked the air out of him yet again.
”She can’t maintain her spells if we disrupt her concentration enough!” Rarity shouted as she kept attacking the magic bubble. ”Fluttershy! Play the distraction song!”
”O-okay!” Fluttershy replied, starting to play her lute behind the table. Darkle acted quickly though, and with a single powerful blow of her magical tendrils smashed the table in half and sent Fluttershy scampering for another hiding spot.
”It’s not breaking!” Dash yelled as she jumped up and down on top of the shield bubble. Discord screamed in agony, holding his balls in vain as they felt the weight of the pegasus stomping on them over and over. He had to think of something quickly, or the ponies would destroy his nuts long before getting their hooves on this Twilight Sparkle wannabe.
Suddenly, he realized something. This purple unicorn, ”Darkle”, apparently was just as obsessed with books as Twilight Sparkle was. And he sure knew how to get under Twilight’s skin! Still wailing in nonstop agony, he fought the pain enough to pull his personal journal from his pocket. Holding his breath to silence himself for a moment, he lifted the book and tore out a page.
As he’d expected, the sound of tearing paper immediately caught Darkle’s attention. ”Stop! What is that book?!” she asked, staring at him with a twitch in her eye.
”You’ll never know!” Discord croaked, tearing off another page and shoving it in his mouth.
”STOP DOING THAT!” Darkle demanded, crushing his balls in her grip for emphasis. Discord wailed in pain and curled up, taking his journal between his legs as he did. Darkle groaned in anger and cast some more of her tendrils to pull the book from his clutches, but the fear of damaging a potentially interesting book made her use them very carefully. She was in fact paying more attention on rescuing the book than the combat around her, as evidenced by the dimming of her shield, and less force channeled from it to Discord’s nutsack still in Darkle’s vice-like grip.
”Take cover!” Rarity yelled. Discord forced his eyes open to see what was going on, seeing a large hissing bomb right outside the forcefield. He gulped, not sure whether to hope the shield was strong or weak when it went off, but in either case all he could do was squeeze his eyes shut and brace for the blast.
As he moved his hands to cover his ears, Darkle finally yanked the book from between his legs with a triumphant ”Aha!”, just before the bomb exploded. The blast wave passed through the half-permeable shield, throwing Darkle off her feet and tumbling head-first over Discord’s prone body. The rest of the blast, however, hit Discord’s balls like a supernova of pain, overflooding his nervous system with a shockwave of unfathomable agony. Screaming his lungs out, he was completely oblivious to the ponies dogpiling the stunned sorceress and slipping the magic nullifier on her horn.
Discord didn’t know how long he’d been blacked out, but once again he woke up to an unbearable pain throbbing between his legs.
”Do you think he’s okay?” Fluttershy asked, looking down at him.
”I think so.” Rarity answered. ”After all, he took less of the blast than the sorceress did.”
”Yeah, he’s tougher than that.” Rainbow Dash added to ease Fluttershy’s concerns.
”I guess you’re right... but just look how swollen his balls are!” Fluttershy said, experimentally pressing her hoof on his throbbing sack. Discord’s eyes shot open as his incredibly tender nuts flattened under her careful yet excessively firm touch.
”YAAOUCH!” Discord yelled, scaring the ponies as he suddenly spasmed and curled up to protect his groin.
”Great, you’re awake!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. ”We captured the sorceress while you were out!”
”Indeed.” Rarity continued. ”You did a good job distracting her with that book!”
”H-heal me...” Discord managed to whimper quietly.
”Excuse me, could you repeat that?” Fluttershy asked, leaning closer to hear him better.
”M-my balls... heal me!” Discord repeated, wanting the pain to end without any further delays.
”Oh. Um, about that...” Fluttershy said, brushing her forehoof nervously as she tried to find a nice way to put what she had to say. ”I would love to, but, um... the sorceress broke my lute.”
Discord’s couldn’t believe it. He opened his eyes, finding himself face to face with the tied-up sorceress laying next to him, and bursting into full-on evil laughter as she saw the expression on his face.
”HAHAHAHA! You may have won, but at least I made you pay dearly for it!” she jeered.
”Put a sock on it, loser!” Discord snorted at her. The sorceress responded by jerking her tied-up legs violently towards his groin, failing to make contact but making him twitch in terror of being hit in the balls yet again. Seeing how shaken he was made her burst into yet another fit of laughter.
”Anyway...” Rainbow Dash butted in. "Now that we got her, we can finally take her to jail and cash in our reward. Come on Captain Wuzz, let’s go!”
”Um, I think he needs a moment to rest first.” Fluttershy suggested.
”Fine.” Rainbow sighed. ”Wuzz, you watch over her while we see if there’s any valuable loot around here, okay?” she said, receiving a pained groan as an answer before flying up to the third floor of the tower. Rarity and Fluttershy spread out as well, leaving Discord alone with their prisoner.
The sorceress glanced after each of the ponies one more time before turning her attention to Discord. ”Soo... They hurt pretty bad, don’t they?” she teased with a grin. ”All that kicking and stomping your friends did, all straight to your balls. I bet they’re just a purplish, swollen mess now, aching and aching like no tomorrow...”
Discord let out an angry grunt and rolled over, turning away from the cruel mare and her nauseating words. She just wriggled herself closer to him and continued talking in a honeyed tone.
”It doesn’t have to be like that.” she cooed. ”I know several healing spells too, you know? Just take off this magic nullifier and I’ll heal your balls good as new again. You want the pain to end, don’t y-”
Discord turned to face her again, glaring at her and talking through the sheer force of his anger. ”Listen now you fiend. You are a villain, and I know better than to make deals with your kind. Trust me - I have been on both receiving AND delivering side of that kind of deceptions!”
”Fine!” the sorceress snorted, kicking her bound legs at Discord, this time close enough to rack him in his swollen testicles. His angry determination changed into a pitiful wail in an instant, which the sorceress barely even acknowledged. ”Enjoy your balls, loser! At least they’ll be larger than peas when they’re swollen!”
Discord could barely breathe, cupping his balls in agony until the rest of the party came back from exploring the tower. ”Good news Captain!” Rainbow Dash declared as she swooped up next to him. ”We found a cart in the shed outside!”
Fluttershy was next to trot to his side, petting his head gently to soothe him. ”That means you won’t have to walk with your sore male parts!”
”Indeed.” Rarity said as she caught up with her friends. ”We don’t have time to dilly dally if we want to find an inn before the nightfall, so let’s get you in the cart, post haste!”
Discord really didn’t feel like walking a single step yet, but with Rarity and Fluttershy lifting him by the arms he had no choice but to get up on his weak and wobbly legs. Before he could take a single step forward, Rainbow Dash ducked her head between his legs from behind and stood up, squashing his swollen balls against her back as she lifted him off his feet. His eyes bulged as he screamed in pain, his nuts mangled and compressed against her back as she started trotting towards the stairway.
”I can handle him, you bring the sorceress after us, okay?” she quipped at her friends, the screaming draconequus bouncing on her back with each step.
The cart ride back to town was as uneventful as it was uncomfortable. Discord’s bruised balls felt every bump in the road as he tried in vain to keep them steady in the moving carriage. Without her lute all Fluttershy could offer were gentle words and soothing headpats, while Rarity and Rainbow Dash were joking and laughing about as they pulled the cart. At least by halfway point Discord had recovered enough to gag the sorceress and an end to her incessant mockery about his bruised malehood. Finally, after one more hill the town gates came to view, and with them, a promise of finally finding a proper healing spell or potion for his tortured ballsack.
”Alright! Time to cash this bounty!” Rainbow Dash celebrated as she sped up, Rarity barely keeping up with her enthusiasm. The cart made its way through the village, braking in front of the sheriff’s office with enough force to send Fluttershy stumbling over between Discord’s tenderly spread legs. Lucky for her, his swollen testicles provided a perfect cushion between her chin and the hard wooden floor. He on the other hand screamed in pain as the weight of the stumbling pegasus flattened his recovering nuts once again.
”Oh! I’m so sorry!” Fluttershy gasped as she quickly backed away, giving him some much needed space to curl up over his aching balls.
Discord groaned with both hands around his throbbing nutsack. At least the quest was finally over so there should be no time for any more threats to his package.
”There she is! Sorceress Darkle herself!” Rainbow Dash explained as she practically pushed the sheriff out of the building. Rarity had barely released her from the carriage by the time Dash was already cashing in their reward.
The sheriff tossed the prisoner on her back and handed out the sack of coins for a job well done. ”Thank you adventurers! You have once again made the lands safer for all ponykind.”
”It was our pleasure, ma’am.” Rarity replied gracefully. ”Wherever foul magics prey upon the weak, we shall be there to protect the innocent!”
”For a reward, of course.” Rainbow added, biting on a coin to check its authenticity.
The sheriff looked at the rest of the party, namely Discord who was still whimpering in fetal position and Fluttershy who was apologizing profusely with a blush on her face. ”Say, I don’t remember this fella the last time you were here. Is he alright?”
”Yeah, he just got his balls busted while fighting the sorceress.” Dash said nonchalantly.
”And the wildmares. The whole tribe, apparently!” Rarity said with a chuckle.
”And I just... um..." Fluttershy started, her voice trailing off as she decided against telling about her awkward faceplant.
The sheriff laughed, shaking her head in amused disbelief. ”Wow, I bet he’ll be happy to hit the hay after a day like that. Sounds like everypony else has already hit the sack for him!”
The mares laughed in unison, waving goodbye to the sheriff as she hauled the sorceress to the town jail. As she closed the door behind her, a bright flash of magical light surprised the party as a familiar purple alicorn teleported in front of them.
”Twilight!” ponies yelled as they rushed to hug their friend.
”Girls! I’ve had a most wonderful session ever!” Twilight said as she embraced her friends. ”It was like I actually WAS the book, with all the formulas and calculations and...” she sighed in contentment, hugging her friends with an expression of pure joy.
”Twilight Sparkle!” Discord interrupted angrily as he carefully climbed off the wagon and made his way toward her, bow legged with both hands holding his massively swollen nutsack. ”What the hay was up with all those low blows?”
”Oh, right! I was getting curious about those myself!” Twilight said, letting go off her friends to focus her attention on Discord. She teleported in a small, hand-held sign with a target painted on it and offered it to him. ”Could you hold this as far from your body as you can, please?”
Discord groaned , glaring angrily at the sign and saying nothing.
”Right... I guess you’d like a healing spell first.” Twilight concluded what in his mind should have been obvious.
”Yes! FINALLY some common sense!” he exclaimed, carefully releasing his balls to hang freely as he exposed his battered groin for her.
Twilight chuckled at the sight of his torturously swollen pair, but quickly got back to business of casting the spell. Her horn glowed pure white as she charged up a spell he’d never seen before, firing it at his sack in one long beam of bright light. In the blink of an eye, all his pain turned into pleasure, his balls feeling like their every cell was having a simultaneous orgasm of a lifetime. And it kept on going, his cock stiffening in seconds as the pleasure of his rapidly unswelling testicles overflowed into the rest of his body. He screamed out in uncontrollable ecstasy as he came hard, shooting his load straight in the face of the unprepared alicorn.
”GAH!” Twilight gasped, cutting off the spell as a powerful gush of cum struck her face, squeezing her eyes shut and reflexively raising a force field to protect herself from the incoming geyser of semen. As she wiped her eyes she could hear the cries of the constantly orgasming draconequus, along the audible splashes of cum raining down on and around her shield bubble.
Finally, his coarse screams faded out along his spurts of cum, leaving him panting in place with his thoroughly exhausted cock twitching in vain. With the last of the spell gone, he finally collapsed where he stood, drooling from the corner of his mouth with his mind in a blissful, post-orgasmic haze.
Twilight blinked the last remains of cum from her eyes, before looking out at the exhausted male in front of her. ”That, was a DM level spell. I just had to try it out when I had the chance.” she said with a smile, dispelling her shield bubble and yelping in surprise as a bucketload of semen fell down on her in an instant.
Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy burst out laughing. ”Darling, I think you got a little something in your mane.” Rarity joked, pointing at the head of the completely cum-drenched Twilight.
Twilight laughed too, overcoming her surprise and realizing the comedy of the situation. ”Really? Don’t you mean my tail?” she said, swinging her tail playfully and sending her friends jumping away from the flying splatters. Finally getting the laughs out of her system, she cast another overpowered spell to wipe herself clean before walking over to check on Discord.
His mind was still swimming in post-orgasmic haze, but his breath was already steadying and his eyes were starting to point in mostly the same direction. ”Wow... Twilight, just wow!” he muttered, lazily turning his head towards the approaching alicorn.
”Feeling better?” Twilight asked with a smile.
”Yes... yes I indeed do.” Discord answered, still too dizzy to say anything more witty.
”So... would you mind holding this sign for me now?” Twilight asked, offering the target to him.
”Yes, sure.” Discord muttered, too happy to think more of it. He grabbed the sign by its handle, barely remembering to hold it at an arms length when Twilight started backing away from him.
”Okay, now to test my theory.” Twilight said as she charged her horn with another visibly powerful spell. Discords eyes widened at the realization, and he quickly wiggled the sign to the tips of his fingers to make sure Twilight wouldn’t accidentally hit him. Twilight lowered her head and fired out a glowing bolt of energy - but instead of landing anywhere near the target the magical blast flew straight at his groin instead. Before he could move a muscle to protect himself, Twilight’s spell struck his balls like a bolt of lightning and sheer unimaginable pain.
”AAAARGH!” he yelled in shocked disbelief, his hands shooting between his legs as he fell down, squirming and kicking on the ground with his balls in agony. ”TWILIGHT?! WHYY?!” he cried, hyperventilating as he kicked his legs to find any small respite from the sudden attack on his testicles.
”Aha! Just as I suspected!” Twilight exclaimed happily, teleporting in a plethora of floating papers. She quickly found what she was looking for, and levitated it over to the writhing male. ”It’s your character sheet! You said in your description that Captain Wuzz has, quote, ’huge balls’. Which in Ogres and Oubliettes translates to...” she explained as she brought another paper to front of her eyes. ”...fifteen feet in size. And you have two, so it’s no wonder that something so big would be easy to hit!” she finished, smiling with pride over her deductive abilities.
Discord couldn’t believe how stupid it was to follow flavor text to such a literal degree, but right now there was only one thing in his mind. ”My balls! Heal them! Make it stop! Just make the pain stop!”
”Fair enough.” Twilight chuckled, her horn glowing once more before the world itself disappeared in a flash of light.
Just like that, everyone was back at Twilight’s castle, sitting around the table with their dice and character sheets. Everypony was happy about an absolutely fantastic session, but none of them more happy than Discord.
”Oh joyous return to reality and all its abnormality!” he sang, spinning around and snapping his fingers in quick succession to create a crown of cheese, a teapot-shaped balloon pouring out balloon-shaped tea, and a single firework that exploded into birds. ”But most importantly, these two are finally safe!” he said as he bent over and kissed his balls with his big, voluptuously feminine lips.
”Yeah.” Dash said as she trotted next to him. ”Must be great to fix things like this with a snap of your fingers, right?”
Before Discord could answer, Dash had already spun around and bucked a hoof at his ballsack. Too late to react, he could only scream as her very real hoof smashed his very real balls against his body, dropping him instantly in a curled up clump of agony. ”YAOOWww! My precious balls!” Discord moaned, breathing rapidly and cradling himself helplessly.
Dash watched him first with amusement, then with confusion while the other ponies gathered around him too. Twilight tilted her head, Rarity blinked in confusion, and Fluttershy leaned in to check him closer. ”Um... Discord?”
With great struggle, Discord managed to croak out a few words to answer her. ”M-my magic... doesn’t work on balls.”
”What?” Twilight asked. ”Why not?”
”It just doesn’t. Because chaos.” Discord winced, rolling over in an attempt to find a more bearable position for his poor nuts.
”Hang on!” Dash shouted, taking off to a hover out of excess energy. ”Are you saying that when you were a villain, all we’d had to do was-”
”But it’s good we are all friends now.” Fluttershy interrupted gently but firmly.
”Yeah, you’re right.” Dash agreed, fluttering back onto the floor. ”Sorry Discord! Didn’t know nutshots were your weakness too!”
”So...” Rarity chimed in. ”...would you like an ice pack?”
Discord took a few deep breaths before he could answer. ”No thanks. I’m just gonna sit on the north pole for a week or so.” he said, snapping his fingers and flowing limply down a floor drain.
”Well, this was an interesting day.” Twilight concluded.
”Interesting? More like the best game ever!” Rainbow Dash cheered.
”It was indeed both of those things.” Rarity added. ”Maybe we could convince him to play with us again someday?” she asked, turning to look at Fluttershy with hopeful gaze.
Fluttershy was blushing with the telltale look of a shy mare thinking naughty thoughts. ”Maybe later... But Twilight?”
”Yes?”
”Could you... give huge balls to all males next time? That was kinda cute, and funny too!”
And so, with an unanimous vote Twilight’s roleplaying sessions were changed forever.
The End
Author's Note
There it is, my longest story ever with over nine thousand words. I think I'm going to write shorter stories from now on, but from what I've already seen this trade is absolutely going to be worth it! 
Thank you for reading, and if you got this far be sure to leave a comment! 
ps. I almost left out the Gyra scene in favor of having Discord wake up in the carriage, just to make the greatest Skyrim reference ever. 
