The Real (and totally not scary) Rainbow factory

by NaiKujibo

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life
Length: 4938

SOL baised around an OC working at the rainbow factory

In response to a gory horror fic that was published in a popular pulp fiction magazine, the Rainbow Factory decides to open up tours to prove that making a rainbow does NOT involve grinding up ponies.

(author's note, I READ RAINBOW FACTORY FOR THIS STORY, OH CELESTIA WHY!?)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-15 08:27:07 UTC

The Stuff With a Side of Exposition, Please

The next day was spent treading on eggshells as Rainbow Spectrum tried his hardest to stay as busy and away from April as he could. Truth be told, Spectrum's job did consist of sitting there and pulling a lever whenever a blank was produced (looking pretty was entirely optional, but he liked to put forth the extra effort). Several ponies wondered how he had managed to land such a cushy job and were therefore envious of his position. In reality, his job situation was actually a combination recent patent laws and Spectrum's 'Rainbow Light Splicer' to which said patent laws applied.

You see, according to these new laws, The Weather Factory or any corporate entity affiliated with The Weather Factory could not simply buy the machine like it could in the past, but had to pay out royalties to the inventor (inventors, or other recognized entity) for as long as the machine was in use. Furthermore, if such a machine required a pony with specialized training to operate it, only said ponies could operate the machine.

This left The Weather Factory with little option, because the only one qualified to operate Rainbow's machine was Rainbow. Besides, it was much easier on The Factory this way because, they only had to write one check while management figured out what to do with a worker who didn't work (which, in actuality, had been pushed aside and onto the desk of a Pegasus in Snowflake Quality Control who honestly didn't know why something concerning The Rainbow Factory was on her desk.)

This left Spectrum in an excellent position and April a headache every time she saw Spectrum. Ever since Spectrum had taken the job a month ago, April had resented him. April had not become the head of The Rainbow Factory by sitting around and doing next to nothing all day. As far as she was concerned, Rainbow was a mooch who was making annoyingly close to her own paycheck.

Fortunately today was a Friday.

Fridays were days that tensions were lowered, clocks were watched, and newer co-workers who had a bad day were invited to unwind later during the lunch break by their peers.

"So whaddya say Rainbow?" asked Fog Catcher, a faded purple pegasus with a wavy mane that covered most of his eyes.

Rainbow Spectrum sighed and took a moment to consider. In his attempts to busy himself throughout the day, he had visited the some of the other departments. Cloud Production had treated him like an impatient child when he had offered his help and The Rainbow Refinery had somehow gotten the impression that he had come to boss them around.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," replied Rainbow.

"Great, see ya after work on the runway," Fog Catcher replied before the bell signaling the end of lunch sounded.

"Well, I'd better get back to my lever," thought Rainbow spectrum with a tired smile as he waved goodbye to Fog Catcher.

The rest of the day went by relativity fast with no sign of April.

Thanking Celestia for small miracles, Rainbow joined Fog Catcher on the runway and took flight.

"So what's this place called anyway?" asked Spectrum.

"The Place," Fog Catcher replied.

"Yeah, what's it called?" Spectrum repeated.

"The Place," Fog Catcher repeated slowly.

"Did you get cloud in your ear or-," Spectrum stopped mid sentence.

"Is this place actually called The Place?"

Fog catcher gave a wily grin

"Yeah, they even have this mystery drink challenge of the day called 'The Stuff,'

Spectrum laughed at the absurdity of the situation.

"So if I told you I had to do The Stuff at The Place, you would know where I was and what I was doing?"

"You betcha," replied Fog Catcher as the duo rounded a corner and into an abrupt change in scenery.

You could almost draw a line from the point the newer buildings ended and the older buildings started. Cloud had begun to drift apart, structures had begun to loose their shape and cramp together in some places, and at one point, Rainbow thought he had saw a vulture on a roof not too far from him.

"Heh-heh, nice neighborhood," Rainbow joked nervously.

"Ain't it though," Fog Catcher said without a hint of sarcasm.

"The place isn't far from here, right?" Rainbow asked, spying a pegasus who looked like he had lost some feathers in a fight.

"Yeah, it's just up ahead," Fog Catcher replied.

Rainbow Spectrum was expecting The Place, to be a restaurant, maybe not the most high class place considering their surroundings, but a good place to go to unwind. After flying through the bad section of town, the most he could hope for would be some kind of diner, but no matter how he looked at it, The Place, was undoubtedly a bar. A bar equipped with a neon sign and two dark alleyways for unexpectant ponies to get lost down.

Now Rainbow wasn't opposed to a few drinks to help a pony have a good time, but in his opinion, it was still much too early to start drinking.

"So, uh what kind of food do they serve at The Place?" Spectrum asked shakily.

Fog Catcher laughed, "I guess I should have explained The Place better since it'll be your first time there, but don't worry, it's not as bad as it looks on the outside."

"I sure hope not," Spectrum thought as they landed in front of the door.

To Fog Catcher's credit, The Place was a lot nicer and cleaner than it appeared on the outside. The far back wall was occupied by the bar counter which contained several glass bottles containing liquids of many colors. The rest of the bar was decorated in spring colors including complementary flowers in jars on the tables. However, it lacked several features that one would expect from a bar on this side of town. For one, it was lacking any sort of dance floor or a place that somepony could DJ at.

The Place actually seemed pretty homey.

Spectrum let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding and relaxed.

"See?" Fog Catcher said, "it's not as bad as it looks on the outside."

"Yeah, it's actually quite nice in here," Rainbow replied as they seated themselves at a table near the bar.

The bartender looked up at them.

"What can I get you two?" asked the bartender in a scratchy voice.

"I'll just have a daffodil sandwich and some water," said Rainbow Spectrum.

"Potato skin and two orders of The Stuff, Horace," Fog Catcher called.

"Comin' right up," replied Horace as he handed Spectrum his glass and began mixing drinks.

"So Rainbow's your family name, right?" Fog Catcher asked bluntly.

Rainbow Spectrum immediately stopped drinking and stared at Fog Catcher.

"Hey, if you don't want to answer, that's fine," Fog Catcher said after a moment.

"No, it's fine, it's just that nopony has asked me something like that outright before," Rainbow replied, "and yes, Rainbow is my family name."

"Sorry about that," Fog Catcher said with a small smirk, "I only ask 'cause you can tell alot about a pony from the way they answer you."

Rainbow Spectrum raised an eyebrow.

"How so?"

"Well for example, somepony who was born with a name from the Old World will have a fit about it," explained Fog Catcher, "pride, anger, shock, somma them 'ill even look at you with pity."

"Go on," urged Spectrum.

"A pony with a New World name might get a little miffed, but won't react that much. Usually they haven't had the same 'honor thy family name' junk fed to them with their baby food," said Fog Catcher with air quotes.

"Usually?" asked Spectrum.

A sour look crossed over Fog Catcher's face.

"Growin' up in Manehattan, my mom was the cleanin' lady for an Old World family. We lived in a house not too far from that waste of space they called a home."

They sat there in silence for a moment.

"Order up!" exclaimed Horace as he moseyed over to their table with a trey on his back.

Spectrum, glad for the interruption, accepted his plate as well as one of two glasses of dark brown liquid.

"Ah, wow looks delicious!" exclaimed Spectrum in an attempt to change the subject.

"Wait, try The Stuff first," said Fog Catcher.

Spectrum stopped with his mouth open as he was about to take a bite into his sandwich. He looked over to Fog Catcher who, only a moment before had an expression that was reserved for bad memories, now had one of almost childish glee.

"Alright, I guess I find out what all the fuss is about," said Spectrum as he placed his sandwich back on his plate.

Rainbow Spectrum picked up the glass and even before the drink had made it past his lips, he was regretting his decision. It was the unmistakable smell of high-proof alcohol. His brain tried to tell his hand to stop it's transit, but it was too late. The dark brown liquid charged past his lips where it began to burn as it descended down his throat.

To give Spectrum credit, he managed to keep the sip in his mouth and stop himself from spewing it across the table and onto his new friend.

Spectrum shoved the glass away from himself and yanked the water to him with a horse wheeze.

Fog Catcher laughed uncontrollably while Spectrum chugged his glass of water.

"Looks like it was the Appleloosan Painkiller this time," gasped Fog Catcher in between bouts of laughter.

"A *COUGH* what *COUGH*?" Rainbow sputtered.

"It's a popular frontier drink for cold winter nights," explained Fog Catcher, "It's well known for it's ability to make your face go numb, not so much for its flavor."

"You don't *cough* say," Spectrum said with a hint of sarcasm.

The two began their meals in silence as most good meals do.

"Wow, you weren't kidding, about the food," Spectrum began, "it's hard to go wrong with a daffodil sandwich, but you don't find too many places that can make a great one."

"No kidding," Fog Catcher replied, "I've tried something new almost every time I've come in here and I haven't been disappointed yet."

"Looks like I'll have to come back here again," said Rainbow with a smile.

Fog Catcher sat in silence for a moment.

"If you're from an Old World family, you mind telling me your family's legacy?" asked Fog Catcher.

Rainbow Spectrum facehoofed.

"Why on Equestria do you want to hear my family legacy?" asked Rainbow in return.

"Oh come on!," Fog Catcher goaded, "everypony knows that all of you Old World families have some sort of interesting story or five that you toss around."

"Maybe some other time," said Rainbow with a sideways glance.

"Cammmmooooonnnnn!" Fog Catcher pleaded with a grin.

"Oh alright!" Rainbow said as he rolled his eyes, "prepare yourself for the story of the first Rainbow."

"This is gonna be good," Fog Catcher said as he took another bite from his meal.

"Our family legacy begins with my ancestor Dasher, The Lightforger after the fall of Discord," Rainbow Spectrum began.

***

"A pegasus messing with rocks all day makes about as much sense as a unicorn trying to move the clouds, Dasher," said Rainwater as he churned the barrel of water turning cloud.

"So you don't find it strange at all that this rock can add color to light without getting hot or lighter?" Dasher replied.

"No, and honestly, I think that silly thing was a waste of bits," Rainwater retorted, "that unicorn gypsy probably just magicked it to do that or something."

"That's not how a unicorn's magic works Rainwater," Dasher said with a roll of her eyes, "If you would pull you head out of that hole you've chosen to bury it in and actually learn about the unicorns and the earth ponies then maybe you might actually learn that they aren't as bad as you think they are."

"Jeez Dasher, next you'll be saying we should have kids with them," Rainwater retorted as he stopped churning and took the lid off the bucket.

"Then maybe I will!" Dasher said as she slammed her hooves on the cloud where the quartz lie.

Unbeknownst to the two pegasi, the cloud recoiled and the quartz flew over Dasher and into the churner.

"Dasher!" Rainwater exclaimed, "a pegasus' warrior pride should not allow for such actions."

"To Tartarus with the pegasus pride and that stupid mindset!" Dasher exclaimed, almost shouting "everypoy knows that if all three of the races had not come together, we would not have beaten Discord!"

With these words, Rainwater leapt at Dasher with furious intentions.

While the two brawled, the quartz sunk to the bottom of the churn and began to turn the cloud into an ugly grey color.

"...featherless trader!" Rainwater shouted at Dasher as their fight knocked over the churn that held the cloud.

Instead of half made cloud being spilled everywhere, the result was a spectacular array of color.

The anger the two felt was immediately replaced with confusion, curiosity, and wonder.

"Whoa, what is that?" Rainwater said as he picked himself off the ground.

"Whatever it is, you have it in your mane," said Dasher as she tried to suppress her laughter.

"Maybe I'll shove your face in it to match your personality, you clown," Rainwater said, anger mounting again.

Whatever Dasher had been about to say was interrupted by the majestic voice of Princess Celestia.

"My little ponies, whatever are you arguing about?"

Both of the ponies stared in awe as her majesty descended from the sky before quickly bowing their heads.

"Rise my little ponies, for I am curious, what is this beautiful substance you have created.

Always one to think on her hooves (and never miss an opportunity to take a cheap shot at Rainwater) , Dasher responded, "I'm not sure your majesty, but it seems to make a pretty bow for Rainwater."

Rainwater's eye twitched as he struggled between two urges. His first urge was to remain composed in front of the princess, or his second urge, to slap Dasher for calling him, a pegasus warrior, pretty.

"I'm sure the bow would benefit you more Dasher," Rainwater said in a too calm a voice, "the bright colors in your plumage would attract somepony worthy of you."

Dasher did not miss the implications of attracting a bird as a mate and it showed on her face.

"Now, now, my little ponies, what you have created here is something wonderful and beautiful that should be shared with the rest of Equestria," Princess Celestia began, "I hereby decree that these new clouds shall be seen throughout Equestria. Rainwater, Dasher, I am placing you in charge of constructing these new clouds."

The Princess turned and opened her wings.

"Besides, Rainwater's bow certainly looks good on him," said The Princess before taking flight.

Silence was left in Celestia's wake for a moment before it was broken by Dasher.

"Well that was interest-"

Rainwater suddenly sat on his haunches and threw his hooves in the air as he took a mighty breath.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rainwater screamed a scream that would reach the heavens and echo in the valley below.*

***

"...and so on that day Rainwater humbly realized that a warrior not only had to be fierce and powerful, but also graceful and tactful as well," Spectrum said as he concluded the story of his family's legacy.

"Wow, I wonder if Rainwater and Dasher really got along as well as the story suggests?" Fog Catcher asked.

"Well they ended up getting hitched and starting my family," Spectrum replied with a shrug.

"Can I get those otta your way?" Horace asked as he pointed to the empty plates in front of them.

"Yeah, thanks," said Rainbow Spectrum.

"Great meal as always Horace," complemented Fog Catcher as Horace loaded the plates and the two (mostly) untouched glasses of The Stuff.

"Glad you both enjoyed the meal," said Horace, "I'll be back with the check inna jiffy."

"Gonna keep you timed on that," called Fog Catcher as Horace walked back into the kitchen.

Spectrum reached for his wallet.

"Oh no, I've got this," Fog Catcher interrupted.

"But," tried Spectrum.

"No, I insist," responded Fog Catcher, "besides, the story was payment enough."

"Seriously?" asked Spectrum.

"Seriously," replied Fog Catcher.

"Why?"

Fog Catcher looked embarrassed for a moment.

"It's kind of a hobby of mine," explained Fog Catcher.

"Listening to other people's family history?" Spectrum asked.

"Not just family history, all kinds of stories, first hoof, second hoof, funny stories, sad stories, embarrassing stories from that one time at band camp, just as long as their sincere," Fog Catcher explained with a dreamy look in his eyes.

The check came to their table and was paid in full as well as a generous tip.

"Fog Catcher, you have to be one of the strangest pegasi I have ever met," said Rainbow Spectrum.

"One of the strangest?" Fog Catcher asked with a incredulous look.

"You've never met my family," Rainbow replied.

"Oh?"

"Ha, not now," Spectrum said as he got up from his seat, "If I start in on any of those tales, we'll be here all night."

"Something tells me that we are going to get along just fine," Fog Catcher said with a chuckle as they parted ways and flew off to their respective homes.

*Old Equestrian translated to New Equestrian by The Canterlot Archive Society.

How Rainbows are Made and Other Headaches

A slack jawed pegasus stallion stood, mouth agape, with a look of utter disbelief on his face. The stallion in question had a faded grey coat with a long (some say too long) white mane and tail that turned into a dulled out rainbow about halfway down. The reason for his surprise was caused by a pegasus mare who had a muted yellow coat and a green mane that was highlighted by several darker green streaks. She stood with an air of authority and in this particular instance, annoyance.

"What do you mean she can't come in today?" a baffled Rainbow Spectrum asked the pegasus in front of him.

"It's just what I said, the poor mare had a delay while she was moving, so we need somepony to fill in for her on today's tour," April Showers replied with a level gaze.

"So why me?" Spectrum asked, still in denial of what was being requested of him.

"Because all you do is sit around and pull a lever five times a day at most," April responded curtly.

"Hey, it's not like anypony else can fix MY machine if it breaks, plus it's not my fault that the blanks can't be produced fast enough," Spectrum retorted.

"And while 'YOU'RE' machine is functioning properly and the next blank is still in production, all you do is sit and look pretty, so as your boss I decided that you can look pretty where it will actually be useful," April said with a glare that made things final.

After a long stare, Rainbow Spectrum turned away and began walking tword the entrance of the tour.

"Stupid tour, stupid boss, stupid pulp fiction," Spectrum muttered under his breath as he walked out of earshot of April.

It's not that he would have minded giving a tour, It's just that his boss had been so, well bossy about the whole thing.

He neared the door marked 'Tour' and took a deep breath.

"Hi everypony, my name is Rainbow Spectrum; welcome to the first tour of the Rainbow Factory branch of the Weather Manufacturing Center," he said with much more enthusiasm than he displayed a moment earlier.

For the first ever tour of the Rainbow Factory, the turnout was a rather sorry size. There was a grandmother with her three grandfoals, (Two fillies, one colt) a small group of five, (some of whom Spectrum recognized from Cloud Production) and a young colt with a red coat who looked to be in his early teens with a face that said he had wandered in here because he had nothing better to do.

"Oh great," Spectrum thought, "there was such a BIG crowd today that the boss simply HAD to hold the tour to avoid disappointing ALL these ponies."

The sarcasm would have made a fine, thick jelly if it were to be spread upon a slice of toast.

"If you'll follow me, we can start the tour," Rainbow Spectrum began.

As the tour group started to meander in his general direction, Rainbow Spectrum began to recite the script that he had helped write.

"So how is everypony doing today?" Rainbow began.

A general mumble was heard from the group.

"That's great," Spectrum said with a lot more enthusiasm than he had felt, "I'll be your tour-"

"So when do we get to see the grinder?" The red coated teenager interpreted.

"You and I are going to get along GREAT aren't we?" thought Spectrum.

Delicious, spreadable, sarcasm jelly.

Rainbow Spectrum sighed, "I take it you're referring to the recent piece of pulp fiction called The Rainbow Factory?"

"Dude, that story was sick," the teenager said with a wicked grin.

"Gran, what is he talking about?" asked one of the fillies.

"For those of you not familiar, it is a story that was published in a pulp fiction magazine that depicted The Rainbow Factory in a less that savory light," Rainbow Spectrum answered.

"Yeah, that's putting it lightly," the teenager scoffed.

Outwardly ignoring the comment, Rainbow continued as they reached the first display, "In fact, this tour was designed to debunk several rumors that have been flying around after the story was published. For example, the story suggests that the dark clouds surrounding The Factory are to keep ponies from seeing what really goes on in there, when in reality the dark clouds are to keep the massive amount of light we work with from blinding stray ponies on the outside."

The diagram depicted two light rays going into two clouds, one white and the other a dark grey. The white cloud only managed to shotgun the light ray into several smaller rays while the dark grey cloud managed to absorb the light ray into a much smaller ray that escaped the other side.

"As you can see the dark grey clouds manage to reduce the harmful light to very low levels," Rainbow Spectrum explained.

The tour group showed varying levels of interest ranging from the excited fillies to the very disinterested teenager who only glanced over the display with an annoyingly aloof look on his face.

After a moment to look at the display, the tour began to walk again.

"Next, we will show you the first step in the construction of rainbows," Spectrum explained, "By a process of slow cooling and compression, we can create cloud gel, or a blank as many of the workers refer to it as.

"What?" the teenager interjected loudly, "That won't make gel, all that's gonna get you is hail."

"You have no Idea how much I want to hit you right now," Rainbow Spectrum thought.

"The exact process is a trade secret, however the ratio of compression to temperature is much different than the process used to make hail," Rainbow Spectrum said through a practiced mask of composure.

The next display came into view as the small group came to a halt.

"Calm down Rainbow, we made this tour to assure people that The Factory ISN'T a violent place," he thought to himself.

The next part was his personal favorite, as well as a point of personal pride to Rainbow Spectrum. He had singlehoofedly built the machine responsible for exponentially speeding up the process of adding color to rainbows. Unfortunately rank was determined by one part seniority and one part politics and not by importance. Old pegasus tradition and all.

"For this next part, everypony is going to have to wear eye protection," Rainbow Spectrum explained as he passed out thick pairs of sunglasses.

The teenager took his with a roll of his eyes.

"Let's see if this doesn't knock that look off your face," Spectrum said as he donned his own pair of goggles.

Rainbow spectrum rounded the corner and made his way to a lever on the wall and gave it a pull. The wall began to move up to reveal a large (but still much smaller than the factory) contraption.

Even though Administration had rejected his idea of having dramatic music play while the wall was moving, that didn't stop him from having it play it in his head.

"Daaaaa, da dum, daa daa dum," Rainbow thought to himself.

"Ladies and gentlecolts, may I present to you the Rainbow Light Splicer!"

The object in question looked like somepony had managed to introduce a telescope and a cannon at a crazy party. Said telescope and cannon managed to hit it off quite well and after some booze and a wild night, produce the contraption they saw before them.

"Allow me to demonstrate," Rainbow said as he moved to the control panel.

After some button pushing, a hole in the ceiling opened up that allowed a ray of sunlight to shine on a large lens. The machine began to hum as the barrel of the gun swung around until it was pointed at a glass cylinder on the other side of the room. A sloshing sound was heard from the ceiling as a pure white substance was pumped into the cylinder. The hum from the Light Splicer grew louder until it began to shake the floor, when suddenly a prismatic ray shot from the gun and into the glass cylinder. A sudden quiet filled the room.

"You may remove your eye protection now," Rainbow Spectrum said before removing his goggles.

"Hey what gives, this thing's supposed to make rainbows," said the teenager.

The glass cylinder had changed from containing pure white, to an ugly dark grey.

"Wait for it," Spectrum said, and with a flick of a switch, activated a pump.

The effect was almost immediate. As the ugly grey began to move out of the lass cylinder, it began to separate into a psychedelic display of all the colors of the rainbow.

"This concludes the tour of The Rainbow Factory, please be sure to stop by the gift shop on the way out," said Spectrum with a grin.

As the small group began to file out, a lone, red coated teenager stayed behind to get a final glance of the machine.

"Peh, a grinder would have been cooler," he said as he turned to walk away.

A faded grey leg shot out in front of him, blocking his path.

"Using live ponies to produce color is a horrid and disgusting act," Rainbow Spectrum said in a voice just above a whisper as a rarely seen dark look crossed his face, "and besides, if we did that, the only color we would get would be red."

The poor teenager's pupils shrank as he made the mentally made the connection to his own coat, and without a word stepped around the enraged stallion and cantered to the exit.

Feeling much better, Rainbow Spectrum turned around only to find his good mood deflate just as quickly as it arose.

"H-hi April,"

"Good evening Rainbow,"

***

Rainbow Spectrum unlocked the door to his cloud house and slumped down on the couch. Needles to say, the rest of the day had consisted with a royal chewing out involving something about not scaring the daylights out of members of the tour group. This was not the first time he had been chewed out, but this had certainly been the worst.

The stress of the day had taken it's toll on Rainbow as his mind and body allowed the stress to seep out and lull him into a hypnotic state of relaxation.

The slight ka-chink of his mail slot yanked him from his trance and demanded his attention. With a grumble, he got off the couch and made his way to the front door where a small stack of envelopes waited for him.

Adds, store sales, bank offers, he noticed as he indiscriminately pushed them aside. All of them looking the same, all of them mailed in the same slightly glossy paper. Then one of them caught his eye.

He picked it up off the floor to see a hoof written address in hoofwriting that brought an immediate smile on his face.

Tearing open the letter, he read:

Hey Specs,

You're not going to believe this, but I'm an egghead now! Shocking right? It all happened while I was in the hospital when Twilight (HUGE egghead) told me that I should read Daring Doo. I thought she was just being Twilight, but then I was hooked! Daring is SO AWESOME! She fights monsters, and finds buried treasure, and dodges booby traps, and all sorts of stuff. I stayed up all night to finish it. Hope to see you soon.

Your sis,

Rainbow Dash

P.S. I just re-read this and I guess I should explain why I was in the hospital. I broke my wing during stunt practice, but I'm all better now. I can already hear the I-told-you-so's. Write back soon.

A quirky smile spread across Rainbow Spectrum's face as he read the letter.

"It's just like that little filly to write that she was in the hospital so nonchalantly," he thought as he finished reading.

Without hesitation, Spectrum reached for a quill and some parchment.

Dear Dashie...