Will I Fail Or Will I Complete (the stories), I Can't Be Sure!by SevenEyesChaptersBat-might-be-involved-or-maybe-notD-D-D DISK-SCRATCH BREAKER!!!How Every Creature Lived Dash's DreamTwilight Names a Book 'Mark'Quick, Let's Ponify Everything!Forget-Me-Pox?The Princess Angel/AngleShining Ships Seven Ships2023 is an entire year away from 2024. What? No one told me that time was linear! (oh, and the parody in this story is a bad thing to read so please choose the choice please... :):Bat-might-be-involved-or-maybe-notDiscord was not bored. Discord was very not bored. So not bored was he, because he had so so much to do with his time. He had had the most delightful dream of a Generation 7.8 My Little Pony show. It only ran for half a season before patent groups complained about the centaurs not wearing pants. After waking he had washed his teeth and brushed his mane. Before brushing his teeth and washing his mane. He doged the walk and wrote yesterday's news, and now found himself with much more chaos to perform. Just so much chaos. So much. Almost too much. But no. Just a lot. Never too much. Too much would be like reading ten paragraphs each with only one sentence in! Silly biscuit. That could never happen. Discord was rather calmly tapping his thumb against the big desk in the sky, when it occurred to him. He simply loved to tap! So tap tap tap-tap, did occur. The beat by some coincidence was near perfectly to the heart beat of no less than Batman himself. Something that the draconiquous noticed fairly quick. This gave Discord an idea. A wonderfully, maddeningly, smile-some idea. Still tapping his thumb against the solid object that had now become a four headed sign that simultaneously read 'Sop', 'Yeld', 'to release this town immediately' and 'One Vay'. Discord morphed his own face into a white gloved human hand and snapped his figures. Now when someone like Discord snaps their fingers the sound effect department needs to try and not get sued for copyrights of the many other characters who are able to magic stuff about with a snap. Other characters with similar reality warping super abilities include but are not limited to: 'CENSORED', 'REDACTED', 'ERROR 404', but best of all, 'INVALID' and of course who could forget 'YO MAMA!' (I certainly don't, wink wink). When 'YO MAMA' snaps her fingers you know. You know the thing that you know, ya know? Course ya know. Gotham city. The city that was a day behind the city of tomorrow. The today city if you will. Batman was about to hurt poor little old Joker with a large pointy stick he had found when taking Scooby Doo on walkies. However a flash of light that would cause most to shield their eyes, but not Batman. Batman fell over backwards stumbling around in a futile effort to look like vengeance and the night while blind as a bat from the sudden retina frying illumination. Eventually Alfred's voice came through the Bat-radio in his Bat-cowl, "Master Bruce he got away." Freezing in much the same way that a superstitious and cowardly criminal does when seeing the caped crusader, Batman fumbled on the ground no more. Instead he gave a mighty Bat-flex to fight back his three headed enemy of embarrassment, tangledness and gravity. Author's Note Thought I would start this experiment with my latest idea for a fic. Would have began with my first but funnily enough I cannot remember the finer order of ideas. Hahahaha! (Serious memory problems are my lol-bread) D-D-D DISK-SCRATCH BREAKER!!!The day had come at last. This, the second day of summer, was the day of a great chance for ponykind. So it came to pass, that no other than Vinyl Scratch had the opportunity to lounge around and stare into space. She was up to absolutely nothing, and it was oh so wonderfully quiet. She had no plans at all for the day, so she just idly passed the time by herself. Hmmm, what even was time. Vinyl wasn't stupid ya know. She had listened to many lectures from her parents, both of whom were accomplished physicists on… What was it? Meat-a physics? Yeah. Of course she was vegan and as such did not partake. She rather absentmindedly started to nod her head in agreement with herself. The nods continued and formed a simple beat of her own devising. The beat was rather normal. Actually it was annoyingly normal. Vinyl allowed herself to put a slight spin on the normality of the beat while still not putting in the level of effort to match it to any particularly fancy rhythm. So, nod she did to the randomness of her imagined beat as she simply relaxed more and more and more into her sofa. Today was going to be one of the good ones. Nothing to do, and nopony to pester her. Ah, truly this was perfection itself. A knocking at the door ruined perfection itself. Oh poop, what to do now? She shuffled her mind back to working properly. There had to be a solution to this latest imperfection, that she was to suffer through. Octavia probably didn't have to deal with something like thi- Wait, that might just work! “Taviiiiiii,” Vinyl cried out to her roommate in the most pathetic moan she could muster, “dooooooor.” Filled with a sudden satisfaction with the knowledge that she had done her bit for the day, the DJ turned to face away from the sound in an effort to get some sleep. All this stress would do her no good at all. She needed to close her eyes, rest and relax. That darn knocking repeated itself, only now faster and more intense. But that was fine. Everything would be fine. Any second now she would hear the hoof steps of the most reliable pony in Equestria coming to her rescue. The knocking did not stop. It did however change from those irritating random thuds against wood, into an embarrassingly perfect recreation of the Star Wars theme. ... Well that doesn’t usually happen. Curious as to what musical genius wanted the door to open so bad, Vinyl opted to open her eyelids to see the world around her once more. Unfortunately the brief wandering of her eyes around her surroundings, revealed that there were no windows in sight. Drat! Now how would she bring an end to this musical mystery? Maybe if she set up a complex series of mirrors, and implemented a telescope or two, she get a look through the peephole and- The knocking stopped. There was no more intrusive noise to be heard. Silence prevailed. Oh well. Couldn’t have been that important. She relaxed, idly wondering if she would have any Sci-fi related dreams when she got to sleep. She could save the space princess, stop the space baddies, and be the best space musician of all space space time. “Oh I certainly hope not, I’ve never been fond of double spacing you know.” Upon hearing the expensive sounding male voice Vinyl Scratch’s eyes shot wide open. Okay, so it turns out that there was nopony in her field of view. That wouldn’t stop her. No, this noisy mind reader was going to get a piece of her mind. Err. Get a piece of her mind again. Yeah, he won’t like that! Vinyl got to her hooves and walked to the front door, while slowly trying to piece together the events with that famously big brain she had. For vinyl, this all boiled down to, knocking plus telepathy equals a super villain that I must thwart alone. She reached this logic by assuming that the mysterious knocker had been throwing their head against the door again and again to create the disrupting sound. But in doing so, they must have disrupted the part of their brain responsible for making them use only ten percent of their own brain. This ‘brain brain’ could no longer restrict the actual brain, so it jumped directly to using one hundred and eighteen percent of itself. Resulting in thought related superpowers! Yes, telepathy was just the beginning for this menace’s menacing meat-a abilities. Soon this villain would have the ability to move things with just their mind! Oh wait I can do that. Huh, being a unicorn rocks. Which way was it to the front door again? Ah yes, front ways. She arrived at the front door, just as she had expected, what she hadn’t expected was to see the master of chaos standing in front of it. “Yo.” Vinyl said. "Well, what a creative one we have here.” Discord sarcasmed directly at the pony. Even though she was unfazed by the direct sarcasm attack, her rebuttal came out as a rather weak, “Hey, I'll express myself creatively through my music right into yo face." "Nice." He said with a smirk, then began knocking a taloned fist on the inside of the door. He was continuing the Star Wars theme, but from 0.0265 seconds from where it had ended earlier, because chaos! The extremely slight jump forward in the tune did not go amiss to the pony. She was just about to point out that he was doing it wrong when she noticed something else. "Um, why are you knocking on my door from the inside? Is it like a dog thing?" "A dog thing?" "Yeah like you want walkies, so you're knocking on the door… Right? "You think I'm a dog? You think I, Discord master of chaos, are no more than a common canine?" "Well I'd give you more of a ca-four-point-five. You've only got one head after all. I mean, I've never actually seen a dog before, but I'm sure I read somewhere about the two head thing." Discord smiled wide with mischief. "Sure, I'm a dog, this is what all us dogs look like after we’ve lost one of our heads." He gestured to his body. "And I'd be ridiculously happy to go on a walk with you." Discord snapped his lion paw and the door in front of them turned into a tractor beam. The machine, rather unceremoniously, pulled them out into the calm quaint village of Ponyville. The village had always smelled too much of horses for Vinyl's liking. Before she could loudly and obnoxiously whine on that issue. Discord interrupted her would be words. "This village has never smelled enough like adventure for my liking." "Right?" Vinyl said, "Like where are all the battle axes and tapestries?" Author's Note I am particularly fond of this one. I almost can't believe that this pairing isn't more common, honestly why does it fall to me to to set trends these days? But enough trail blazing, it is after all a fire hazard. And let us hope I don't get fired from fimfiction for this which could be misconstrued as a list of ideas an not a fic. Oh well ramble over, u has n1c3 days todaying! How Every Creature Lived Dash's DreamThere was a new book on sale at Ponyville's bookstore (the one that also sold pajamas). Twilight Sparkle had been buzzing around the shop in the usual state of joy she had when surrounded by books. What was different, was that her buzzing movements made more literal sense, all thanks to her new pair of wings. So she buzzed and buzzed then she found it. A book she had yet to read. She had only to look at the age rating on the spine before she would allow herself to buy the book. Lucky for her it had 'For ages three plus' written in tiny writing next to the author's name, which she didn't bother reading. This was of course because reading anything other than age ratings would excite her far too much. Bad things happen when princesses are overcome with emotion. With the appropriate amount of bits exchanged for the conveniently mysterious piece of literature. Hopefully. Twilight journeyed back home like the ultra fast pony that she was, by casting a teleportation spell. When the spell concluded, she was home at the Golden Oaks library. She stood in the kitchen area of the ground floor, right next to her number one assistant. “Okay Spike I have of course not yet seen the cover so I task you with judging the book based on that alone. "Wait, why would you buy it if you thought it could be a bad book?" "You're still grounded from that time you sent spaghetti bolognese to Celestia’s face." "Look I didn't ask to be cursed with magic fire. Why must my existence but bought but pai-" "Yeah yeah, anyway here you go!" "I can't read that, I'm just a baby dragon," Spike whinely explained. "Oh don't be such a baby." Author's Note Yeah; so this is one of those times when I have an outline for an idea but when I write it the intro had nothing to do with the concepts I planned! (I planned for ponies to take dashes job repeatedly for strange reasons like: Derpy, was in charge of safety as she was able to keep her eyes in two directions at once. Fluttershy, does the animal thing. Rarity, uses her gem locating spell to help them dig through the ground without damaging the equipment. Applejack, threatened to not farm along with her entire extended family. Pinkie, who was double in the club cos she bakes and parties and jokes. ) Twilight Names a Book 'Mark'It was a brilliantly standard day in season one of 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'. The kind of day that lacked the need to explain why Twilight wasn't headmareing around with wings on her back, while also not calling upon her friendly neighborhood spirit of chaos to solve any arising problems for her. It was in fact so brilliantly standard that Twilight had her 5 pony friends round at the golden oaks library to catch up and drink tea. And they were all out of tea. And so Twilight Sparkle the unicorn was just finishing off telling them the origin of Spike's name. "So we took him home to see all my books tha-" "Wait wait wait," Rainbow Dash interrupted. "He was, what a few hours old and you thought he could read already? I get that you're an egghead and all but that doesn't give everyone around you super egghead powers." Seeing that she was done trying to antagonise her and her wonderful story, Twilight calmly explained. "Actually Rainbow Dash, Princess Celestia's very first assignment as my teacher was to document all I could about the dragon that I had hatched. While I now see that it was one of numerous attempts to teach me about friendship, back then I only saw it as a new challenge, a test if you will. So yes I did try and see if the dragon hatched with my magical skills, had acquired any of my talents other than my talent for living." At this Rainbow simply rolled her eyes. If she kept on poking holes in Twilight's story then she would probably be here all day. And there was no way that was going to happen, not when she had tricks to try, naps to take, and Scooterloos to adopt. Author's Note Really didn't get too far into this one. Might scrap it or work it into 'Who We Bludgeon' somewhere I dunno? Quick, Let's Ponify Everything!There was a rush of air in the library of Canterlot Highschool. That is to say, that wind was being artificially developed by some kind of movement. If Twilight Sparkle would just open her eyelids and look out to the world, she would see the cause of this tiny change in weather. The bespectacled teen, however, did no such thing. It had become anger hour. And thus she needed to properly compose herself for the emotional time ahead. She did this by bringing to mind a brief selection of pet peeves. Like, the people who crease a corner of the page as a way of marking their wordy progress. People who talk about coughing and sneezing at the same time, but who forget that hiccups could also occur. And the big one. Her 'friends'. Well technically, that last pet peeve was in fact six pet peeves that were combined into one superhero team. But that team had some very similar people on it, and was not diverse in any way at all. Rainbow Dash for example likes fast things, like eagles. Fluttershy likes animals, like eagles. Dash also has the term 'Rainbow' in her name. Rarity makes dresses that are all the colours of the rainbow. Rainbow has recently grown a disliking to breaking something running super speedy into a wall. Pinkie Pie has recently grown allergic to breaking the fourth wall, super sneezy. Rainbow will contradict anyone saying Daring Do is uncool. And Applejack will contradict Twilight Sparkle herself, no doubt when she presents Applejack with the whole not-diverse-in-any-way-at-all, logic which is not cool. With the memories of her 'friends' brought forth, her incredible rage was a bubbling something fierce. 'RAAAAAAAAARRR!!' she said, still with her eyes closed. It sounded loud to her, but is it not well known that your remaining senses can easily sharpen when you close your eyes or something, right? That meant that no one else heard her rage hour Rarrings, right? Twilight steadily opened one eye. Hmm looks like allot of people noticed that. Maybe? Twilight closed that eye, then opened her other one briefly. Yup, people she hadn't realised were there earlier had noticed her it seems. What if? Twilight half opened both eyes at the same time. Well, what I'm seeing is various dark shapes of people noticing her. Oh curvy crumbs of a cereal cracker in a cave's canal boat!! This was bad. What if she got thrown out of the library. She could tell she was still in a book home because of the smells of learning around her. A neat trick that she would perform at parties the moment she got an invite to one. All that remained was to open those eyelids all the way. But that would mean exposing her poor eyeballs to the harsh world, the same harsh world that had made her angry again. 'YOLO' she thought to herself, with a great big heap of irony, so as not to be like one of those sincere YOLO-ers. With that thought concluded she opened up her eyes. "Hissss," said the being in front of Twilight. Being a snake the phrase surprised no one. But also being a snake, its appearance in a library surprised many. "He's called Seven as a joke." Fluttershy informed the onlookers. "Err, what's the joke exactly?" Twilight asked. "Oh oh. I know that one," Pinkie began, "it's because of the name of the auth- Achoo! Achoo! Oh, I'll get you back, allergic reaction fairies!!" Twilight sighed. If they kept going like this they would be expelled from every library on the planet for a week and a bit. That could not happen. Not today. With determination in her eyes that had yet to blink. Stated at the leader of the group. Applejack. Catching her eye was no difficult task as the girl was looking right at Twilight. So as they gazed at each other Twilight said, "Let's take this outside." "What, like a fight do you mean?" Rainbow Dash asked, "Cos I've wondered for quite a while who would win between us," Twilight and her 'friends' looked at Dash critically. "Y-you know, brain Vs braun. Right?" Rarity cleared her though. "I believe what our dear athletic friend here meant to say, is do you want to casually verbally spar with us all; but do so in the open air." Air. That had been at the start of this whole thing. A rush of air no less, which had subconsciously alerted her to the presence of the others. Yes, that was it. The others were all present and accounted for. So all she had to do was leave the library, and she could go about her day without any of them further annoying her. So Twilight got up. Her friend's moved to sit in her seat. It was just so comfy (Twilight could always tell in any room which chair was the most comfy). Author's Note Hehe, eight hundred words in and the main character has hardly opened her eyes! Such fun. Wot say you? (Oh and I'm gonna apologise in advance for the strange cut off and dissatisfying 'ends' to these. If you or someone you know has any recommendations let me know via 'CPIP'. If you can't don't worry just tell real loud at the sky and I'll get back to you.) Forget-Me-Pox?The elements of harmony. Six extremely powerful artifacts. One day found themselves being studied by some of the very best science ponies of equestria. A former research paper from, no less than the Princess of Friendship, had given the names of all six elements. Along with a description of how they had been used throughout history in the battle against evil. This was all a good starting point for the team. But what was not noted down was their origin. So, as is standard in Equestrian science they let it fall under the: 'if no information is given say it grew from a tree' initiative. There was only one pony from the research group studying the elements that believed this initiative held any truth. That ponys name was Crack Pot. Crack Pot was, well, a different kind of scientist. He was well loved by his peers, and never seemed to let go of his smile, his enthusiastic (sometimes too much) smile. However he had the habit to live up to his strange name, and hold some truly outlandish ideas in his field of magic study. He also had the annoying habit of not being completely wrong. He was thankfully not the sort to go around and fruitlessly try to convince others of these greatly odd ideas. No, he was quite content being different. In fact he enjoyed it, thus the smiles. His wife and coworker however was not as prone to the smirk, the grin, the showing of her pearly whites. Unless it was to bare her teeth at someone who told her to please quieten down as this is a library. Well it's not her fault that that is where all the intellectuals go. And that she needed them for her study programme FIVE MINUTES AGO! Her name was Sexy Results. She was damn sexy, and always got results. She had a cutie mark of a green tick over top a couple of hearts upon her sexy flank. She had a sexy golden coat over her sexy if slightly small frame, with a sexy pink mane and tail, both in a sexy style. In fact the only thing not sexy about her is the fact he wanted to tear out the throat of however stood in the way of her success. Thus her husband endeavoured to never do that, as that wasn't his fetish. Crack Pot had a fetish for trying to not have any fetishes. Or so his theory goes. What also goes was the mane Crack Pot had. It went and went. Going and going, all the way down to his upper front legs. It being grey and his coat being a slightly different shade of grey meant that it sometimes looked like he had an adorably fluffy chest. Other times, when the wind was harsh it looked like he had a mess of hair to untangle. His cutie mark was a potted plant with a lightning shaped scar of a crack going down from the top of the pot that a green plant was potted in. Sexy Results was staring intently at the cutie mark, but only to avoid eye contact with her husband. "So,” she said thought gritted teeth, “your idea of the hour goes, that we need to study jewelry weapons, to cure forgetfulness of the populous' memory of some celebrities!" Cracked Pot just smiled that same old smile which he always seemed to have, while awake, and said, "Oh whatever gave you the notion that it was my idea? And they are not celebrities; yet. That's what we are here to solve, at the insistence of one particular bearer of a 'jewelry weapon'." He left out the name of the blur of rainbows and shouts because he truly couldn't remember it. Or the face or voice of the pony that it belonged to for that matter, which seemed to give some small legitimacy to the idea. "So that's what we do now, artificially make celebrities." Sexy complained with a not quite sexy sigh. "Well according to a certain Princess’ research paper they have defeate-" "How did Princess Celestia make time for a research paper? I know we can't doubt her or we'll lose our jobs, but just how?" Sexy asked, gaping sexily. Crack Pot who was used to her sexy outbursts from their five years of marriage, stayed as calm as ever and answered. "It was not written by Celestia. Rather her ex-pupil, now Princess, Twilight Sparkle." When Crack only heard the sound of silence sexily coming from his wife he continued. "The element bearers defeated enemies of this land with the elements. However, when was the last time you even heard someone speak of them?" "Speak of who?" "Exactly!" "So we don't even know who we are researching the effects of the phenomena on." Deadpanned Sexy Results. "I know! Isn't it exciting?" He said sexily (he learnt how to do that from his wife). A quiet voice called out from behind them, "I don't find it exciting." They both spun around upon hearing the soft spoken tone to find Wallflower Blush removed her just a bit larger than was reasonable sunglasses to say, "Did you miss me?" "Why do you ask? Did you miss your paycheck for being absent until now?" They both quipped, somehow at the same time. One theory for this goes that it was because to do so would be sexy. But who would believe that? Rainbow Dash rapidly tapped a hoof against the floor in her impatience. She had caused a slight indent in the stone floor with her contestant tap tap taps. The remaining members of the bearers of the elements of harmony friendship group, were quietly annoyed by this. The ponies had in their own special amounts of time come to realise that if they reprimanded Dash for being inpatient, then they would have to first register and admit their own inpatients with the rainbow maned pony's inpatients. "Paradoxes are fun, aren't they Twilight?" Twilight Sparkle did not answer. She was trying to keep a secret and she didn't have her hand-dandy plant pot full of soil to hide her mouth in. She had resolved to not speak until the knowledge that the other science ponies had gathered, came to light naturally. A fart was heard. All other ponies looked at Applejack. Author's Note I was going to publish this sepratly as it's own story story but couldn't decided how to end the chapter in a satisfying way. Alternatively you could view this as a treat for getting so far into my adventures in imagination and strangeness. (Just ignore the fact that if I had put it as it's own story you could have just read it on this site as well. Okay?) The Princess Angel/AnglePrincess Celestia stood alone atop a quiet hill. All around her were peaceful reminders of her and her little ponies' success and prosperity in working with the magic of the natural word. Guiding a path towards a better tomorrow for all. She would soon be joined by another, by one equal to herself. Equal in terms of power, fame and regality. Celestia needed only a little time to think by herself. To ponder how best to prepare for the task of welcoming the newest ascended ruler to their rightfully earned kingdom. Such preparations were difficult given the circumstances. She just wasn't the type of mare that could properly focus on her royal task of helping out other, younger royals, while a winged white rabbit was shooting lasers from a distance. The distance, she managed to decide, was the most annoying of all. It was like the rabbit had dedicated some time to calculating the length from her from which the laser firing was more than audible. But far enough away so that stopping the beams from causing constantly increasing damage was infeasible. She needed a lot of preparation for this. And just maybe, the memories of yesterday could give her the strength of mind to process today in an efficient manner. There were legends of non ponies that had ascended to what you might call alicorn status. They contradicted each other fiercely but they had one thing in common. Their contrived story telling. This had always been a slight annoyance to Celestia. Why was it that a narrative seemingly depended on over the top illogical setups to thrive in the particular fandom that it was a part of? But those stories were always just that. Mere stories. Something to wish for as a group, round a campfire. The precious details of his ascension might well be lost forever. Celestia however had taken it upon herself to ensure that the details are found, by doing what she does best. Teaching. Yes she would find a way to get the rabbit to talk and talk ponish at that. She would not let a mere language barrier, prevent such legendary knowledge to remain forever a secret. Of course she could learn to speak rabbish. But… nah. She already spoke the languages of the old ponish, alicorn, phoenix, opossum, owl, haddock, krypton, mars, and even fancy! Author's Note I was planning to do a slight crossover with the previous fic idea in this one. One day. Yes, one day. >:) Shining Ships Seven ShipsIt was sometimes said that the unicorn Shining Armor was 'lovely'. This was mostly said of him by his own darling wife, Cadence. She was, after all, the princess of love, so her saying that he was lovely was never contested. Not within earshot at least. But behind closed doors, and turned backs, and mirror portal accessed worlds, who was to say what happened? Cadence was pondering this mystery while brushing her teeth. She had to brush her teeth because mundane tasks were part of life, and when else would she have the opportunity to doubt things like her husband's generally perceived loveliness? Spitting out her toothbrush, and having it bounce off the mirror into her heart shaped toothbrush holder, was no easy feat. She did the mathematics in her head for the manuviour as a way of calming herself down and a confident smirk at her own reflection later she was ready to stroll towards her bedroom. Gently levitating away the 'Various Vehicles' catalogue Shining had been intently browsing, Cadence said, "I've had another bathroom thought," she had meant to go straight into the issue but seeing Shining's alarmed expression she decided to meander for a while. "It's just a little thought, tiny really and I know it might be nothing but-" "The answer is no." "What?" "An old dog can't change its stripes by walking on custard." Classic Shining. Always so wise, irrelevant but wise. "Actually I wanted to make you the official Equestrian shipper." "Oh, is that all? I'll have it done by the end of the month." Fifteen years later. “Wow, that was a long month dear.” “Yes. I think it's safe to say that Luna got a little carried away with the new lunar-calendar.” Author's Note BoatyMcBoatfFace's favourite fic. 2023 is an entire year away from 2024. What? No one told me that time was linear! (oh, and the parody in this story is a bad thing to read so please choose the choice please... :):Author's Note Oh. Oh no. No, no, no. I'm writing words again aren't I? Well I can only say this... Oops. And, err sorry? Well, so, I think that that is all. ( but thanks for reading my authors notes, you're very polite you know :) With kind wishes and lots and lots of love, Me. XxXxX 2023 is an entire year away from 2024. What? No one told me that time was linear! (oh, and the parody in this story is a bad thing to read so please choose the choice please... :): Dumb ground. Dumb sky. Dumb-Dumboat who was surely the dumbest griffin alive. He was the guy that called himself a boss, but his job title was actually: waiting staff employer's managing director of overseas training evaluative statistical analysis. Just how dumb can you be? What did Rainbow Dash need them for anyway? Waiting was dumb. So why wait to staff your employees? That's mathematically dumb. Rainbow Dash wanted to calculate the exact levels of dumb that existed in everything that wasn't named Gilda the griffin. Gilda was the least dumb. That meant that she could be helpful. Maybe even help with dumb level calculations. Other griffins were too dumb to do number things like that. But, maybe there was no point in figuring it out. If Gilda helped out then Dash would need to pay her back. That always took up way too much time. Okay, so for now there were only three dumb levels. Most griffins were 'very dumb', Gilda was 'least dumb' and Dash and the rest of everyone else would be 'never dumb'. Now all Dash needed to do was find a non-griffin and call them 'never dumb'. Simple. Rainbow Dash the griffin was still flying. And trying to go towards the shadows. And the shadows were getting big. Real big. Like they were a part of reality, with how real they were. There must be a real big 'never dumb' close by. Landing was easy because the ground wet. So she got to swimming towards the darkest place that she could see. The tree was so shadow heavy and Rainbow smiled at it. Trees were magic. Trees were cool. Trees were free of snakes. But this tree had a snake-thing sleeping at the bottom. "Looool," Rainbow dash shouted with no self control. The word bottom was her favourite funny thing. Just as planned the snake-thing woke up and looked at Rainbow. "I don't get it. What was the joke?" The snake didn't move its mouth to talk, so it must be a snake-superhero. "Could you let me join your super team?" Dash enquired. Now she thought that she had asked that with an amount of coolness and pure nonchalance. Unfortunately no. No she hadn't. Just didn't happen. It's Kinda embarrassing to watch and then describe. It's fortunate that she didn't realise how desperate she sounded. Because that realisation might have made her go to sleep from gaining the sudden awareness. "You sound desperate for a sort of 'mountainous calling' my little griffin." The snake was correct, but Dash got very fight or fight-while-flight at this. "You desperately wanna one v one me?" Rainbows were being spontaneous created around the griffin called Rainbow Dash. Those rainbows had been in her inventory the whole day. Stealing them had been kinda boring for Dash. And she had no guilt. Like a true anarchist. "No thanks friend, I am only capable of going into one v one mode with large fish." "Oh..." Dash wanted to say more but was interrupted from being motionless and silent moments later when the snake's words started appearing in her mind once again. "My name is Flutter Sky." "Like Dumb sky?" "No I have the word Flutter in front and there is a capital letter at the start of 'Sky'. See like this..." The snake called Flutter Sky blinked seven times in quick succession. Causing the words Flutter Sky to be permanently displayed in the lowe left quadrant of Rainbow Dash's vision. There is no way for Dash to unsee that word now. "Nice pun, Sky. I guess you could say; that I SEE what you did there. And I NAME it PUNNY. Also your powers are a SIGHT for tired EYES." Rainbow Dash was not prepared for the incoming snake shout. "IF YOU'RE TIRED MAYBE GET TO SLEEP, YOU ODD LITTLE GRIFFIN!!" Rainbow was already asleep. The word 'IF' was her one weakness after all. Flutter Sky stretched over to the one who has woken her up three minutes and eight seconds go. She was still surrounded by a lot of spontaneous rainbows. And Rainbow was apparently this griffin's own name. Very silly of the universe to call her thar. Flutter Sky was nearly done reading though the multitude of legal documents Rainbow insisted on keeping in her at all times. Some were only a little water logged. However the diary entries of other griffins had been completely destroyed. A quick glance behind the rainbow spectacle that surrounded the griffin, did in fact revel the smelly tracks along the ground. Unsurprisingly they lead right to the urine pond. Flutter Sky didn't know what Dash had been through in life. But mistaking a large body of urine for a bath tub meant only one thing. That there was no other person in space or time as incalculably dumb as this stinking griffin. Realising there were no other options Flutter Sky moved with confidence to the most magical tree in the land. The adventures along the way were too much to describe. She got to the tree. Asked the Flutter Goddess if she could tap out. Was delighted to have her request approved that same decade. From that point on Flutter Sky would be free of this universe. Never to come back for an encore.
Bat-might-be-involved-or-maybe-notDiscord was not bored. Discord was very not bored. So not bored was he, because he had so so much to do with his time. He had had the most delightful dream of a Generation 7.8 My Little Pony show. It only ran for half a season before patent groups complained about the centaurs not wearing pants. After waking he had washed his teeth and brushed his mane. Before brushing his teeth and washing his mane. He doged the walk and wrote yesterday's news, and now found himself with much more chaos to perform. Just so much chaos. So much. Almost too much. But no. Just a lot. Never too much. Too much would be like reading ten paragraphs each with only one sentence in! Silly biscuit. That could never happen. Discord was rather calmly tapping his thumb against the big desk in the sky, when it occurred to him. He simply loved to tap! So tap tap tap-tap, did occur. The beat by some coincidence was near perfectly to the heart beat of no less than Batman himself. Something that the draconiquous noticed fairly quick. This gave Discord an idea. A wonderfully, maddeningly, smile-some idea. Still tapping his thumb against the solid object that had now become a four headed sign that simultaneously read 'Sop', 'Yeld', 'to release this town immediately' and 'One Vay'. Discord morphed his own face into a white gloved human hand and snapped his figures. Now when someone like Discord snaps their fingers the sound effect department needs to try and not get sued for copyrights of the many other characters who are able to magic stuff about with a snap. Other characters with similar reality warping super abilities include but are not limited to: 'CENSORED', 'REDACTED', 'ERROR 404', but best of all, 'INVALID' and of course who could forget 'YO MAMA!' (I certainly don't, wink wink). When 'YO MAMA' snaps her fingers you know. You know the thing that you know, ya know? Course ya know. Gotham city. The city that was a day behind the city of tomorrow. The today city if you will. Batman was about to hurt poor little old Joker with a large pointy stick he had found when taking Scooby Doo on walkies. However a flash of light that would cause most to shield their eyes, but not Batman. Batman fell over backwards stumbling around in a futile effort to look like vengeance and the night while blind as a bat from the sudden retina frying illumination. Eventually Alfred's voice came through the Bat-radio in his Bat-cowl, "Master Bruce he got away." Freezing in much the same way that a superstitious and cowardly criminal does when seeing the caped crusader, Batman fumbled on the ground no more. Instead he gave a mighty Bat-flex to fight back his three headed enemy of embarrassment, tangledness and gravity. Author's Note Thought I would start this experiment with my latest idea for a fic. Would have began with my first but funnily enough I cannot remember the finer order of ideas. Hahahaha! (Serious memory problems are my lol-bread)
D-D-D DISK-SCRATCH BREAKER!!!The day had come at last. This, the second day of summer, was the day of a great chance for ponykind. So it came to pass, that no other than Vinyl Scratch had the opportunity to lounge around and stare into space. She was up to absolutely nothing, and it was oh so wonderfully quiet. She had no plans at all for the day, so she just idly passed the time by herself. Hmmm, what even was time. Vinyl wasn't stupid ya know. She had listened to many lectures from her parents, both of whom were accomplished physicists on… What was it? Meat-a physics? Yeah. Of course she was vegan and as such did not partake. She rather absentmindedly started to nod her head in agreement with herself. The nods continued and formed a simple beat of her own devising. The beat was rather normal. Actually it was annoyingly normal. Vinyl allowed herself to put a slight spin on the normality of the beat while still not putting in the level of effort to match it to any particularly fancy rhythm. So, nod she did to the randomness of her imagined beat as she simply relaxed more and more and more into her sofa. Today was going to be one of the good ones. Nothing to do, and nopony to pester her. Ah, truly this was perfection itself. A knocking at the door ruined perfection itself. Oh poop, what to do now? She shuffled her mind back to working properly. There had to be a solution to this latest imperfection, that she was to suffer through. Octavia probably didn't have to deal with something like thi- Wait, that might just work! “Taviiiiiii,” Vinyl cried out to her roommate in the most pathetic moan she could muster, “dooooooor.” Filled with a sudden satisfaction with the knowledge that she had done her bit for the day, the DJ turned to face away from the sound in an effort to get some sleep. All this stress would do her no good at all. She needed to close her eyes, rest and relax. That darn knocking repeated itself, only now faster and more intense. But that was fine. Everything would be fine. Any second now she would hear the hoof steps of the most reliable pony in Equestria coming to her rescue. The knocking did not stop. It did however change from those irritating random thuds against wood, into an embarrassingly perfect recreation of the Star Wars theme. ... Well that doesn’t usually happen. Curious as to what musical genius wanted the door to open so bad, Vinyl opted to open her eyelids to see the world around her once more. Unfortunately the brief wandering of her eyes around her surroundings, revealed that there were no windows in sight. Drat! Now how would she bring an end to this musical mystery? Maybe if she set up a complex series of mirrors, and implemented a telescope or two, she get a look through the peephole and- The knocking stopped. There was no more intrusive noise to be heard. Silence prevailed. Oh well. Couldn’t have been that important. She relaxed, idly wondering if she would have any Sci-fi related dreams when she got to sleep. She could save the space princess, stop the space baddies, and be the best space musician of all space space time. “Oh I certainly hope not, I’ve never been fond of double spacing you know.” Upon hearing the expensive sounding male voice Vinyl Scratch’s eyes shot wide open. Okay, so it turns out that there was nopony in her field of view. That wouldn’t stop her. No, this noisy mind reader was going to get a piece of her mind. Err. Get a piece of her mind again. Yeah, he won’t like that! Vinyl got to her hooves and walked to the front door, while slowly trying to piece together the events with that famously big brain she had. For vinyl, this all boiled down to, knocking plus telepathy equals a super villain that I must thwart alone. She reached this logic by assuming that the mysterious knocker had been throwing their head against the door again and again to create the disrupting sound. But in doing so, they must have disrupted the part of their brain responsible for making them use only ten percent of their own brain. This ‘brain brain’ could no longer restrict the actual brain, so it jumped directly to using one hundred and eighteen percent of itself. Resulting in thought related superpowers! Yes, telepathy was just the beginning for this menace’s menacing meat-a abilities. Soon this villain would have the ability to move things with just their mind! Oh wait I can do that. Huh, being a unicorn rocks. Which way was it to the front door again? Ah yes, front ways. She arrived at the front door, just as she had expected, what she hadn’t expected was to see the master of chaos standing in front of it. “Yo.” Vinyl said. "Well, what a creative one we have here.” Discord sarcasmed directly at the pony. Even though she was unfazed by the direct sarcasm attack, her rebuttal came out as a rather weak, “Hey, I'll express myself creatively through my music right into yo face." "Nice." He said with a smirk, then began knocking a taloned fist on the inside of the door. He was continuing the Star Wars theme, but from 0.0265 seconds from where it had ended earlier, because chaos! The extremely slight jump forward in the tune did not go amiss to the pony. She was just about to point out that he was doing it wrong when she noticed something else. "Um, why are you knocking on my door from the inside? Is it like a dog thing?" "A dog thing?" "Yeah like you want walkies, so you're knocking on the door… Right? "You think I'm a dog? You think I, Discord master of chaos, are no more than a common canine?" "Well I'd give you more of a ca-four-point-five. You've only got one head after all. I mean, I've never actually seen a dog before, but I'm sure I read somewhere about the two head thing." Discord smiled wide with mischief. "Sure, I'm a dog, this is what all us dogs look like after we’ve lost one of our heads." He gestured to his body. "And I'd be ridiculously happy to go on a walk with you." Discord snapped his lion paw and the door in front of them turned into a tractor beam. The machine, rather unceremoniously, pulled them out into the calm quaint village of Ponyville. The village had always smelled too much of horses for Vinyl's liking. Before she could loudly and obnoxiously whine on that issue. Discord interrupted her would be words. "This village has never smelled enough like adventure for my liking." "Right?" Vinyl said, "Like where are all the battle axes and tapestries?" Author's Note I am particularly fond of this one. I almost can't believe that this pairing isn't more common, honestly why does it fall to me to to set trends these days? But enough trail blazing, it is after all a fire hazard. And let us hope I don't get fired from fimfiction for this which could be misconstrued as a list of ideas an not a fic. Oh well ramble over, u has n1c3 days todaying!
How Every Creature Lived Dash's DreamThere was a new book on sale at Ponyville's bookstore (the one that also sold pajamas). Twilight Sparkle had been buzzing around the shop in the usual state of joy she had when surrounded by books. What was different, was that her buzzing movements made more literal sense, all thanks to her new pair of wings. So she buzzed and buzzed then she found it. A book she had yet to read. She had only to look at the age rating on the spine before she would allow herself to buy the book. Lucky for her it had 'For ages three plus' written in tiny writing next to the author's name, which she didn't bother reading. This was of course because reading anything other than age ratings would excite her far too much. Bad things happen when princesses are overcome with emotion. With the appropriate amount of bits exchanged for the conveniently mysterious piece of literature. Hopefully. Twilight journeyed back home like the ultra fast pony that she was, by casting a teleportation spell. When the spell concluded, she was home at the Golden Oaks library. She stood in the kitchen area of the ground floor, right next to her number one assistant. “Okay Spike I have of course not yet seen the cover so I task you with judging the book based on that alone. "Wait, why would you buy it if you thought it could be a bad book?" "You're still grounded from that time you sent spaghetti bolognese to Celestia’s face." "Look I didn't ask to be cursed with magic fire. Why must my existence but bought but pai-" "Yeah yeah, anyway here you go!" "I can't read that, I'm just a baby dragon," Spike whinely explained. "Oh don't be such a baby." Author's Note Yeah; so this is one of those times when I have an outline for an idea but when I write it the intro had nothing to do with the concepts I planned! (I planned for ponies to take dashes job repeatedly for strange reasons like: Derpy, was in charge of safety as she was able to keep her eyes in two directions at once. Fluttershy, does the animal thing. Rarity, uses her gem locating spell to help them dig through the ground without damaging the equipment. Applejack, threatened to not farm along with her entire extended family. Pinkie, who was double in the club cos she bakes and parties and jokes. )
Twilight Names a Book 'Mark'It was a brilliantly standard day in season one of 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'. The kind of day that lacked the need to explain why Twilight wasn't headmareing around with wings on her back, while also not calling upon her friendly neighborhood spirit of chaos to solve any arising problems for her. It was in fact so brilliantly standard that Twilight had her 5 pony friends round at the golden oaks library to catch up and drink tea. And they were all out of tea. And so Twilight Sparkle the unicorn was just finishing off telling them the origin of Spike's name. "So we took him home to see all my books tha-" "Wait wait wait," Rainbow Dash interrupted. "He was, what a few hours old and you thought he could read already? I get that you're an egghead and all but that doesn't give everyone around you super egghead powers." Seeing that she was done trying to antagonise her and her wonderful story, Twilight calmly explained. "Actually Rainbow Dash, Princess Celestia's very first assignment as my teacher was to document all I could about the dragon that I had hatched. While I now see that it was one of numerous attempts to teach me about friendship, back then I only saw it as a new challenge, a test if you will. So yes I did try and see if the dragon hatched with my magical skills, had acquired any of my talents other than my talent for living." At this Rainbow simply rolled her eyes. If she kept on poking holes in Twilight's story then she would probably be here all day. And there was no way that was going to happen, not when she had tricks to try, naps to take, and Scooterloos to adopt. Author's Note Really didn't get too far into this one. Might scrap it or work it into 'Who We Bludgeon' somewhere I dunno?
Quick, Let's Ponify Everything!There was a rush of air in the library of Canterlot Highschool. That is to say, that wind was being artificially developed by some kind of movement. If Twilight Sparkle would just open her eyelids and look out to the world, she would see the cause of this tiny change in weather. The bespectacled teen, however, did no such thing. It had become anger hour. And thus she needed to properly compose herself for the emotional time ahead. She did this by bringing to mind a brief selection of pet peeves. Like, the people who crease a corner of the page as a way of marking their wordy progress. People who talk about coughing and sneezing at the same time, but who forget that hiccups could also occur. And the big one. Her 'friends'. Well technically, that last pet peeve was in fact six pet peeves that were combined into one superhero team. But that team had some very similar people on it, and was not diverse in any way at all. Rainbow Dash for example likes fast things, like eagles. Fluttershy likes animals, like eagles. Dash also has the term 'Rainbow' in her name. Rarity makes dresses that are all the colours of the rainbow. Rainbow has recently grown a disliking to breaking something running super speedy into a wall. Pinkie Pie has recently grown allergic to breaking the fourth wall, super sneezy. Rainbow will contradict anyone saying Daring Do is uncool. And Applejack will contradict Twilight Sparkle herself, no doubt when she presents Applejack with the whole not-diverse-in-any-way-at-all, logic which is not cool. With the memories of her 'friends' brought forth, her incredible rage was a bubbling something fierce. 'RAAAAAAAAARRR!!' she said, still with her eyes closed. It sounded loud to her, but is it not well known that your remaining senses can easily sharpen when you close your eyes or something, right? That meant that no one else heard her rage hour Rarrings, right? Twilight steadily opened one eye. Hmm looks like allot of people noticed that. Maybe? Twilight closed that eye, then opened her other one briefly. Yup, people she hadn't realised were there earlier had noticed her it seems. What if? Twilight half opened both eyes at the same time. Well, what I'm seeing is various dark shapes of people noticing her. Oh curvy crumbs of a cereal cracker in a cave's canal boat!! This was bad. What if she got thrown out of the library. She could tell she was still in a book home because of the smells of learning around her. A neat trick that she would perform at parties the moment she got an invite to one. All that remained was to open those eyelids all the way. But that would mean exposing her poor eyeballs to the harsh world, the same harsh world that had made her angry again. 'YOLO' she thought to herself, with a great big heap of irony, so as not to be like one of those sincere YOLO-ers. With that thought concluded she opened up her eyes. "Hissss," said the being in front of Twilight. Being a snake the phrase surprised no one. But also being a snake, its appearance in a library surprised many. "He's called Seven as a joke." Fluttershy informed the onlookers. "Err, what's the joke exactly?" Twilight asked. "Oh oh. I know that one," Pinkie began, "it's because of the name of the auth- Achoo! Achoo! Oh, I'll get you back, allergic reaction fairies!!" Twilight sighed. If they kept going like this they would be expelled from every library on the planet for a week and a bit. That could not happen. Not today. With determination in her eyes that had yet to blink. Stated at the leader of the group. Applejack. Catching her eye was no difficult task as the girl was looking right at Twilight. So as they gazed at each other Twilight said, "Let's take this outside." "What, like a fight do you mean?" Rainbow Dash asked, "Cos I've wondered for quite a while who would win between us," Twilight and her 'friends' looked at Dash critically. "Y-you know, brain Vs braun. Right?" Rarity cleared her though. "I believe what our dear athletic friend here meant to say, is do you want to casually verbally spar with us all; but do so in the open air." Air. That had been at the start of this whole thing. A rush of air no less, which had subconsciously alerted her to the presence of the others. Yes, that was it. The others were all present and accounted for. So all she had to do was leave the library, and she could go about her day without any of them further annoying her. So Twilight got up. Her friend's moved to sit in her seat. It was just so comfy (Twilight could always tell in any room which chair was the most comfy). Author's Note Hehe, eight hundred words in and the main character has hardly opened her eyes! Such fun. Wot say you? (Oh and I'm gonna apologise in advance for the strange cut off and dissatisfying 'ends' to these. If you or someone you know has any recommendations let me know via 'CPIP'. If you can't don't worry just tell real loud at the sky and I'll get back to you.)
Forget-Me-Pox?The elements of harmony. Six extremely powerful artifacts. One day found themselves being studied by some of the very best science ponies of equestria. A former research paper from, no less than the Princess of Friendship, had given the names of all six elements. Along with a description of how they had been used throughout history in the battle against evil. This was all a good starting point for the team. But what was not noted down was their origin. So, as is standard in Equestrian science they let it fall under the: 'if no information is given say it grew from a tree' initiative. There was only one pony from the research group studying the elements that believed this initiative held any truth. That ponys name was Crack Pot. Crack Pot was, well, a different kind of scientist. He was well loved by his peers, and never seemed to let go of his smile, his enthusiastic (sometimes too much) smile. However he had the habit to live up to his strange name, and hold some truly outlandish ideas in his field of magic study. He also had the annoying habit of not being completely wrong. He was thankfully not the sort to go around and fruitlessly try to convince others of these greatly odd ideas. No, he was quite content being different. In fact he enjoyed it, thus the smiles. His wife and coworker however was not as prone to the smirk, the grin, the showing of her pearly whites. Unless it was to bare her teeth at someone who told her to please quieten down as this is a library. Well it's not her fault that that is where all the intellectuals go. And that she needed them for her study programme FIVE MINUTES AGO! Her name was Sexy Results. She was damn sexy, and always got results. She had a cutie mark of a green tick over top a couple of hearts upon her sexy flank. She had a sexy golden coat over her sexy if slightly small frame, with a sexy pink mane and tail, both in a sexy style. In fact the only thing not sexy about her is the fact he wanted to tear out the throat of however stood in the way of her success. Thus her husband endeavoured to never do that, as that wasn't his fetish. Crack Pot had a fetish for trying to not have any fetishes. Or so his theory goes. What also goes was the mane Crack Pot had. It went and went. Going and going, all the way down to his upper front legs. It being grey and his coat being a slightly different shade of grey meant that it sometimes looked like he had an adorably fluffy chest. Other times, when the wind was harsh it looked like he had a mess of hair to untangle. His cutie mark was a potted plant with a lightning shaped scar of a crack going down from the top of the pot that a green plant was potted in. Sexy Results was staring intently at the cutie mark, but only to avoid eye contact with her husband. "So,” she said thought gritted teeth, “your idea of the hour goes, that we need to study jewelry weapons, to cure forgetfulness of the populous' memory of some celebrities!" Cracked Pot just smiled that same old smile which he always seemed to have, while awake, and said, "Oh whatever gave you the notion that it was my idea? And they are not celebrities; yet. That's what we are here to solve, at the insistence of one particular bearer of a 'jewelry weapon'." He left out the name of the blur of rainbows and shouts because he truly couldn't remember it. Or the face or voice of the pony that it belonged to for that matter, which seemed to give some small legitimacy to the idea. "So that's what we do now, artificially make celebrities." Sexy complained with a not quite sexy sigh. "Well according to a certain Princess’ research paper they have defeate-" "How did Princess Celestia make time for a research paper? I know we can't doubt her or we'll lose our jobs, but just how?" Sexy asked, gaping sexily. Crack Pot who was used to her sexy outbursts from their five years of marriage, stayed as calm as ever and answered. "It was not written by Celestia. Rather her ex-pupil, now Princess, Twilight Sparkle." When Crack only heard the sound of silence sexily coming from his wife he continued. "The element bearers defeated enemies of this land with the elements. However, when was the last time you even heard someone speak of them?" "Speak of who?" "Exactly!" "So we don't even know who we are researching the effects of the phenomena on." Deadpanned Sexy Results. "I know! Isn't it exciting?" He said sexily (he learnt how to do that from his wife). A quiet voice called out from behind them, "I don't find it exciting." They both spun around upon hearing the soft spoken tone to find Wallflower Blush removed her just a bit larger than was reasonable sunglasses to say, "Did you miss me?" "Why do you ask? Did you miss your paycheck for being absent until now?" They both quipped, somehow at the same time. One theory for this goes that it was because to do so would be sexy. But who would believe that? Rainbow Dash rapidly tapped a hoof against the floor in her impatience. She had caused a slight indent in the stone floor with her contestant tap tap taps. The remaining members of the bearers of the elements of harmony friendship group, were quietly annoyed by this. The ponies had in their own special amounts of time come to realise that if they reprimanded Dash for being inpatient, then they would have to first register and admit their own inpatients with the rainbow maned pony's inpatients. "Paradoxes are fun, aren't they Twilight?" Twilight Sparkle did not answer. She was trying to keep a secret and she didn't have her hand-dandy plant pot full of soil to hide her mouth in. She had resolved to not speak until the knowledge that the other science ponies had gathered, came to light naturally. A fart was heard. All other ponies looked at Applejack. Author's Note I was going to publish this sepratly as it's own story story but couldn't decided how to end the chapter in a satisfying way. Alternatively you could view this as a treat for getting so far into my adventures in imagination and strangeness. (Just ignore the fact that if I had put it as it's own story you could have just read it on this site as well. Okay?)
The Princess Angel/AnglePrincess Celestia stood alone atop a quiet hill. All around her were peaceful reminders of her and her little ponies' success and prosperity in working with the magic of the natural word. Guiding a path towards a better tomorrow for all. She would soon be joined by another, by one equal to herself. Equal in terms of power, fame and regality. Celestia needed only a little time to think by herself. To ponder how best to prepare for the task of welcoming the newest ascended ruler to their rightfully earned kingdom. Such preparations were difficult given the circumstances. She just wasn't the type of mare that could properly focus on her royal task of helping out other, younger royals, while a winged white rabbit was shooting lasers from a distance. The distance, she managed to decide, was the most annoying of all. It was like the rabbit had dedicated some time to calculating the length from her from which the laser firing was more than audible. But far enough away so that stopping the beams from causing constantly increasing damage was infeasible. She needed a lot of preparation for this. And just maybe, the memories of yesterday could give her the strength of mind to process today in an efficient manner. There were legends of non ponies that had ascended to what you might call alicorn status. They contradicted each other fiercely but they had one thing in common. Their contrived story telling. This had always been a slight annoyance to Celestia. Why was it that a narrative seemingly depended on over the top illogical setups to thrive in the particular fandom that it was a part of? But those stories were always just that. Mere stories. Something to wish for as a group, round a campfire. The precious details of his ascension might well be lost forever. Celestia however had taken it upon herself to ensure that the details are found, by doing what she does best. Teaching. Yes she would find a way to get the rabbit to talk and talk ponish at that. She would not let a mere language barrier, prevent such legendary knowledge to remain forever a secret. Of course she could learn to speak rabbish. But… nah. She already spoke the languages of the old ponish, alicorn, phoenix, opossum, owl, haddock, krypton, mars, and even fancy! Author's Note I was planning to do a slight crossover with the previous fic idea in this one. One day. Yes, one day. >:)
Shining Ships Seven ShipsIt was sometimes said that the unicorn Shining Armor was 'lovely'. This was mostly said of him by his own darling wife, Cadence. She was, after all, the princess of love, so her saying that he was lovely was never contested. Not within earshot at least. But behind closed doors, and turned backs, and mirror portal accessed worlds, who was to say what happened? Cadence was pondering this mystery while brushing her teeth. She had to brush her teeth because mundane tasks were part of life, and when else would she have the opportunity to doubt things like her husband's generally perceived loveliness? Spitting out her toothbrush, and having it bounce off the mirror into her heart shaped toothbrush holder, was no easy feat. She did the mathematics in her head for the manuviour as a way of calming herself down and a confident smirk at her own reflection later she was ready to stroll towards her bedroom. Gently levitating away the 'Various Vehicles' catalogue Shining had been intently browsing, Cadence said, "I've had another bathroom thought," she had meant to go straight into the issue but seeing Shining's alarmed expression she decided to meander for a while. "It's just a little thought, tiny really and I know it might be nothing but-" "The answer is no." "What?" "An old dog can't change its stripes by walking on custard." Classic Shining. Always so wise, irrelevant but wise. "Actually I wanted to make you the official Equestrian shipper." "Oh, is that all? I'll have it done by the end of the month." Fifteen years later. “Wow, that was a long month dear.” “Yes. I think it's safe to say that Luna got a little carried away with the new lunar-calendar.” Author's Note BoatyMcBoatfFace's favourite fic.
2023 is an entire year away from 2024. What? No one told me that time was linear! (oh, and the parody in this story is a bad thing to read so please choose the choice please... :):Author's Note Oh. Oh no. No, no, no. I'm writing words again aren't I? Well I can only say this... Oops. And, err sorry? Well, so, I think that that is all. ( but thanks for reading my authors notes, you're very polite you know :) With kind wishes and lots and lots of love, Me. XxXxX 2023 is an entire year away from 2024. What? No one told me that time was linear! (oh, and the parody in this story is a bad thing to read so please choose the choice please... :): Dumb ground. Dumb sky. Dumb-Dumboat who was surely the dumbest griffin alive. He was the guy that called himself a boss, but his job title was actually: waiting staff employer's managing director of overseas training evaluative statistical analysis. Just how dumb can you be? What did Rainbow Dash need them for anyway? Waiting was dumb. So why wait to staff your employees? That's mathematically dumb. Rainbow Dash wanted to calculate the exact levels of dumb that existed in everything that wasn't named Gilda the griffin. Gilda was the least dumb. That meant that she could be helpful. Maybe even help with dumb level calculations. Other griffins were too dumb to do number things like that. But, maybe there was no point in figuring it out. If Gilda helped out then Dash would need to pay her back. That always took up way too much time. Okay, so for now there were only three dumb levels. Most griffins were 'very dumb', Gilda was 'least dumb' and Dash and the rest of everyone else would be 'never dumb'. Now all Dash needed to do was find a non-griffin and call them 'never dumb'. Simple. Rainbow Dash the griffin was still flying. And trying to go towards the shadows. And the shadows were getting big. Real big. Like they were a part of reality, with how real they were. There must be a real big 'never dumb' close by. Landing was easy because the ground wet. So she got to swimming towards the darkest place that she could see. The tree was so shadow heavy and Rainbow smiled at it. Trees were magic. Trees were cool. Trees were free of snakes. But this tree had a snake-thing sleeping at the bottom. "Looool," Rainbow dash shouted with no self control. The word bottom was her favourite funny thing. Just as planned the snake-thing woke up and looked at Rainbow. "I don't get it. What was the joke?" The snake didn't move its mouth to talk, so it must be a snake-superhero. "Could you let me join your super team?" Dash enquired. Now she thought that she had asked that with an amount of coolness and pure nonchalance. Unfortunately no. No she hadn't. Just didn't happen. It's Kinda embarrassing to watch and then describe. It's fortunate that she didn't realise how desperate she sounded. Because that realisation might have made her go to sleep from gaining the sudden awareness. "You sound desperate for a sort of 'mountainous calling' my little griffin." The snake was correct, but Dash got very fight or fight-while-flight at this. "You desperately wanna one v one me?" Rainbows were being spontaneous created around the griffin called Rainbow Dash. Those rainbows had been in her inventory the whole day. Stealing them had been kinda boring for Dash. And she had no guilt. Like a true anarchist. "No thanks friend, I am only capable of going into one v one mode with large fish." "Oh..." Dash wanted to say more but was interrupted from being motionless and silent moments later when the snake's words started appearing in her mind once again. "My name is Flutter Sky." "Like Dumb sky?" "No I have the word Flutter in front and there is a capital letter at the start of 'Sky'. See like this..." The snake called Flutter Sky blinked seven times in quick succession. Causing the words Flutter Sky to be permanently displayed in the lowe left quadrant of Rainbow Dash's vision. There is no way for Dash to unsee that word now. "Nice pun, Sky. I guess you could say; that I SEE what you did there. And I NAME it PUNNY. Also your powers are a SIGHT for tired EYES." Rainbow Dash was not prepared for the incoming snake shout. "IF YOU'RE TIRED MAYBE GET TO SLEEP, YOU ODD LITTLE GRIFFIN!!" Rainbow was already asleep. The word 'IF' was her one weakness after all. Flutter Sky stretched over to the one who has woken her up three minutes and eight seconds go. She was still surrounded by a lot of spontaneous rainbows. And Rainbow was apparently this griffin's own name. Very silly of the universe to call her thar. Flutter Sky was nearly done reading though the multitude of legal documents Rainbow insisted on keeping in her at all times. Some were only a little water logged. However the diary entries of other griffins had been completely destroyed. A quick glance behind the rainbow spectacle that surrounded the griffin, did in fact revel the smelly tracks along the ground. Unsurprisingly they lead right to the urine pond. Flutter Sky didn't know what Dash had been through in life. But mistaking a large body of urine for a bath tub meant only one thing. That there was no other person in space or time as incalculably dumb as this stinking griffin. Realising there were no other options Flutter Sky moved with confidence to the most magical tree in the land. The adventures along the way were too much to describe. She got to the tree. Asked the Flutter Goddess if she could tap out. Was delighted to have her request approved that same decade. From that point on Flutter Sky would be free of this universe. Never to come back for an encore.
