Dressed in Black

by Crystalline Waters

Rating: teen
Tags: Suicide / Self Harm, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Scootaloo
Length: 4466

Scootaloo takes the time to reflect on how much her friends have done for her.

It's been a long journey for Scootaloo. She has made a career out of scooter stunts and reflects on how much her older sister and friends have helped her get to where she was. Through times of doubt and distress, she has always been provided a shoulder to cry on and a pair of hooves when she couldn't stand on her own.
Based on Dressed in Black by Sia.
It's about the love of close friends instead of a lover that I'm pretty sure is spoken about in the song.

T.W. Mentions of suicide and self harm

Published 2021-06-17 00:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-06-17 00:40:00 UTC

You Covered My Heart in Kisses

Author's Note

Hey y'all! I have been obsessed with this song lately and thought that it would make a good fanfic. Scootaloo was not the first character to pop into my head when I thought to do a fanfic on this, but I ended up choosing her. I tweaked the lyrics a bit to fit the story better so these lyrics aren't fully accurate. This is my first(and probably last) songfic, so please leave any critiques you may have. I hope you like it.
:)

You Covered My Heart in Kisses

Scootaloo waited in the middle of the arena waiting for the winners of the competition to be announced. She was at the Spring Stunt Racer Championships in Fillydelphia. It was a three day event that showcased the routines of ponies who specialized in scooter stunts. As it turned out, there were a lot of ponies who did, but only the best hundred had been enrolled in the championship. Some were younger than her, about sixteen or seventeen. Most, like her, were in their early to mid twenties, but some were between thirty and forty. The first two days had passed and the amount of talent she had seen was surreal. This competition was by far the biggest competition for someone in her line of work. Only the top ten contestants made it to the final day of competition, and Scootaloo felt honored to be one of them. Though she wasn't alone. Looking at the audience, she saw Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Rainbow Dash with the rest of the Elements sitting in a higher up portion of the bleachers. The group had all decided to accompany her as a show of support. When they had first announced that they were tagging along, Scootaloo had admittedly cried tears of joy. It meant the sun, the moon, and the stars that she had friends who were willing to encourage her and be there for her. The rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Rainbow Dash had been especially helpful, even before this day. Through everything, they had been there to stand next to her as she walked, to nudge her towards her successes, and to pick her up after all her failures. And regardless of what happened today, this event was definitely a success. As she waited, she thought about how far she had come, and about the ponies who had gotten her there.

I had given up

I didn't know who to trust

In the beginning, Scootaloo was alone. She was living in an orphanage with no friends or family. She knew no joy, as the orphanage only harbored sadness, with the wails of abandoned children and the harsh words of the workers. By the time Scootaloo was eight years old, she was already giving up hope of being released into a family. Couples had come and gone, in and out for years. Nopony wanted her, and she never had any friends because they were all adopted before she could form any real bonds with them. Her wings were a real issue, as nopony wanted to face the challenges of dealing with a flightless pegasus. The workers weren't very understanding or kind. They never understood and never took the time to, saying that they were busy with everypony else. Everypony who would be in and out within a few months. Until one day, she could take no more loneliness, and ran away using a scooter from the orphanage. And she didn't look back.

So I designed a shell

Kept me from heaven and hell

She recalled her arrival in Ponyville when she was about nine years old. Since she ran away, she had run from place to place, never staying anywhere long. But Ponyville was a place unlike the others she had been to. The ponies there were so friendly. To them, she was just another young filly who always took her scooter for a ride around the town. Everypony greeted her with smiles or waves of their hooves or wings. She felt welcome there, but all the same avoided ponies, never wanting them to find out her story or get to know her. It was surprisingly easy to go to school without anypony asking for papers or legal guardians. She kept to herself, and whenever asked about her life, she made up stories. She told the other foals that her parents were Swift Breeze and Cirrus Ice. That she was going to be a stunt pony, so she never needed to use her wings for flight. She'd always play a tough filly, never once exposing or allowing herself to feel any weaknesses. Until ponies found out.

And I had hit a low

Was all I let myself know

She remembered all of the teasing she got for being a blank flank. She remembered how painful it was to choke back tears as bullies berated her for being flightless. All of the times ponies would offer her a place to stay once they found out she lived in an alley. She remembered the looks of pity from ponies around the town who had heard of her unfortunate situation. But she never let anyone help her. Never let anyone in. Because she couldn't be weak. Everywhere she went, she was plagued by hurt and self doubt, further engrained into her mind by the other foals. She felt so alone and craved a loving embrace that she had never once felt. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to admit that to anypony else. Not that she had anypony to admit it to anyways.

Yeah, I had locked my heart

I was imprisoned by dark

Day after day Scootaloo used to go to school and face those who sought to hurt her. She still had no friends, but enemies of a sort. Lying in wait for her every day. There was no way out. She could just pack up and leave, but she'd feel..guilty? This town had cared for her for the first time before looking at her like she was some poor little thing. Day after day, the world closed in on her. She was locked in the darkness of harsh words, jeering smiles, and her own self-loathing. And nopony had the key to let her out.

You found me dressed in black

Hiding way up at the back

Life had changed since she was nine. She was numb and couldn't care less about what was going on around her. Always going about her day, alone and doing her best to not draw any attention to herself. Turning off all feelings when her bullies decided to pick at her heart. She was eleven when she met two fillies like her. Two eleven year olds being constantly mocked for being blank flanks. They found her sitting behind a tree in the park one day, staring numbly at a group of foals her age playing happily. They introduced themselves as Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. But they went a step further than just talking, and invited her to join them to play. The two had apparently been trying new ways for years to get their cutie marks and had welcomed her to become a part of their group. She had initially disagreed, but the fillies wouldn't hear of it. They welcomed her with open hooves into their new group. The Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Life had broken my heart into pieces

You took my hooves in yours

You started breaking down my walls

And you covered my heart in kisses

I thought life would pass me by

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were inseparable within a year. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle were truly great friends, easily seeing through Scootaloo and did everything they could to get her to open up to them. They could see that she hurt, that her heart ached and begged to be loved. Happiness was something that she had more of than when they first met her, but her lavender eyes still held such a deep sadness. One day, the two sat her down to get her to talk. She could clearly remember Sweetie Belle sitting right across from her, taking Scootaloo's hooves in her own. The two were so quick to assure her that she could come to them for anything, and that they'd do whatever the could if she ever needed them. In truth, over the course of the year they'd been friends, they'd been slowly breaking down her inner walls that she had built up so high. She felt compelled to let them in, even just a little bit. So she explained that she was lonely. That she never thought that she'd ever amount to anything because she wasn't a "true" pegasus. She didn't tell them everything, nor did she allow any tears to be shed, but it was a start. When she was finished, the two had expressions not of pity, but of conviction. As they wrapped her in a warm embrace, they offered words of encouragement. Ah don't know what yer talking' about Scoots. You are the most talented stuntfilly Ah know! Yer definitely goin' places one day, Applebloom had said. Sweetie Belle had chimed in with And you're not alone, no matter how you feel. You have us until the end! They had stayed in the hug for a few minutes after that.

Missed my tears, ignored my cries

Life had broken my heart, my spirit

And then you crossed my path

Scootaloo had a dream. A dream she never saw becoming a reality. She would never be good enough, brave enough, or strong enough. Her scooter was no longer used for stunts. Just for travel. Her friends believed in her no matter what, but Scootaloo's dream had no motivation. She felt the fighting flame that had once existed inside her had been blown out. She felt broken, and what hurt the most is that she knew she was only hurting her own chances, not anypony else. It was during that time that she realized the importance of a family. Without one she was drowning. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle were there to keep her afloat, but she needed some pony to pull her out of the water. Rainbow Dash moved into Ponyville when Scootaloo was twelve. The tiny mare was everything Scootaloo had ever hoped to be. And everything she needed. She remembered day after day watching the mare from afar with hope and admiration. There was one question on Scootaloo's mind during the first few months of watching Rainbow Dash. Would she take me under her wing? The mare became a potential older sister in the young filly's mind.

The first time Rainbow Dash noticed Scootaloo, the filly's brain went into overdrive. She stood there in front of her idol with eyes as wide as saucers and her jaw nearly touching the road she was on after Rainbow had told her that she had nice moves. Since that day, she felt some of her motivation come back. She had a reason to work hard and better herself: Rainbow Dash.

You quelled my fears, you made me laugh

Then you covered my heart in kisses

One of the best moments of Scootaloo's life was the ending of their first camping trip. It started out rough as she was afraid of what lurked in the shadows. The trees turned into claws reaching out to get her, the breeze turned into whispers. In her mind, the woods were alive and wanted to take her. But still, she did everything she could to be brave like Rainbow Dash. She wasn't afraid of anything, especially no olden pony or headless horse, and would never want to take Scootaloo under her wing as a younger sister. So, the filly sucked it up hard and tried her best to sleep that night that the CMC's and sisters were out there. The other ponies noticed that something was wrong, but thankfully Rainbow took no note. As usual, Scootaloo put up her strong front. Until night fell again.

The howls coming from outside of the cave were eerie and sent shivers down Scootaloo's spine. There was no doubt in her mind: it was the headless horse. A wave of panic washed over her, and before she could even register anything other than her own fear, she had gotten onto her scooter and had taken off. She snapped out of it a few minutes later, but it was too late, as she was falling into a very fast moving river. Self-preservation instincts kicked in and she grabbed onto a branch hanging over the river and held on for dear life. Her efforts were fruitless as her hooves slipped, and she fell closer and closer to the river below. She opened her mouth and let out a scream, but was quickly cut off as she felt a pair of strong hooves wrap around her. Looking up she saw.. Rainbow Dash? She had come to save her! In Scootaloo's mind she was both relieved and humiliated. Squirt what was that? Why are you falling into a river at this hour of the night?, Rainbow had demanded. With tears in her eyes and fear gripping her heart with its icy claws, she had explained that all she had wanted was for Rainbow to think she was cool and worthy of taking under her wing. She had looked up and seen a look of shock on the mare's face. She looked away thinking she had just screwed up, but Rainbow fixed it quickly. Her face had softened and she had said: Hey, I'm going to tell you something, but if you ever tell anypony else, I'm gonna deny it. She proceeded to explain how she had once feared the monsters lurking in the forest, but had conquered her fears. Scootaloo felt a wing gently wrap around her and pull her close. So you're looking for some pony to take you under their wing huh? I might be up for something like that. Scootaloo saw the sincerity in the older mare's eyes and her eyes filled with tears once more. Rainbow had pulled her into a tight hug, and hadn't let go until Scootaloo was ready.

I was down for the count

I was down, I was out

And I had lost it all

'Cause I was scared, I was torn

That day. She was fourteen, and had just come back from a doctor's appointment. His words stuck in her mind and ricocheted around and around again, plaguing her with despair. I'm sorry Scootaloo, but your wings will never lift you off the ground. She had seen it coming for the longest time, but she was in no way, shape, or form prepared for it. Her body grew the way a filly's normally would, but her wings never did. Rainbow Dash and the CMC's had always made sure to let her know that she'd be awesome with or without flight, and that they'd be there no matter what. But it was too much now that her worst fears were coming true. She had locked herself in the room she had been staying in in Rainbow's house and just cried. All the rest of the day and night. She had locked the door, her heart, and her spirit. She had been locked to the ground.

And I took to the night

I'd given in to the fight

And I slipped further down

I felt like I had drowned

That night. Scootaloo was drowning. Her mind and heart raced a mile a minute. She wanted out. And she wanted it now, as her sixteen year old self was dead on her hooves. A sinkhole had opened up underneath her and had tried to swallow her whole. It had started after she had been told that she wouldn't fly. Cuts, new and old, decorated her forelegs like tally marks for each insult or negative feeling. It had finally broken her. It was too much, too intense for her to handle, even with the encouragement of her family. She was disappointed in herself. She had let words be her downfall, let herself believe the cruel ponies she had encountered, let herself give up. After everything she had fought so hard against. After everything she had hoped for, everything she had tried to fight for. She had given up. Tears fell from her face, mixing with the blood streaming down her legs, but she forced herself to choke back every sob. Even as she had sat in the bathroom in her room in Rainbow's house hitting the lowest point in her life, she had forced herself to keep up the image she fought so hard to build. Memories and desires that would never be fulfilled had fueled her anger and sadness and hysteria with which she brought the blade down into her skin. Ragged gasps escaped her throat as she had closed her eyes, preparing herself to end all of her pain.

You took my hooves in yours

You started breaking down my walls

And you covered my heart in kisses

It was then that Rainbow Dash had entered the bathroom to find her a bleeding mess on the floor. The mare had given a startled yelp and rushed over to kneel beside Scootaloo and very carefully look her over. There was blood. There was a blade. There were tears. Yet, the act itself was intercepted before it was too late. Rainbow had gently removed the blade from Scootaloo's grip and set it aside. Ignoring the blood that got on her, Rainbow had slowly wrapped her hooves around Scootaloo and held her in a firm, loving embrace. That was all it took in that moment for her walls to break, and she sobbed loud and hard into her sister's shoulder, letting all of her pent up pain and emotions be released into the soft fur. Rainbow had wrapped her wings around her as well as she continued to bawl like a filly. For such a long time she had remained in her sister's forelegs until her tears ran out and her sobs became dry. Shh. Let everything out, Scoots. I've got you and I'm not letting go anytime soon, Rainbow had said. She had never needed something or somepony so badly. She still felt lucky to have had Rainbow's words to kiss her soul.

I thought life would pass me by

Missed my tears, ignored my cries

Life had broken my heart, my spirit

Scootaloo remembered the conversation that had followed. Rainbow had patched her up in relative silence. Often during this process she'd stop what she was doing upon hearing a stray whimper or sniffle and stroke Scootaloo's hoof comfortingly. After that she had led her to the living room and had sat her down on the couch after getting her a glass of water. During this time, she had requested that Scootaloo tell her what exactly was going on. And she did. As much as her pride was hurt, she needed help so badly. So, in desperation, she had told Rainbow everything. From everything ponies told her, to her own crushing self doubt and self sabotage. No detail went unsaid, and even more tears were shed. By the end, she had ended up limp in her sister's forelegs. She remembered she had felt such relief at finally being exposed. But.. why didn't you come see us sooner Squirt? Because she needed to be tough, and muscle through her problems. She had given up, thought her life would go by and she'd be nothing. She had already let herself down and she knew it, so she couldn't let anypony else know. Rainbow had squeezed her tighter and told her: Scootaloo. I love you, the crusaders love you, Applejack and Rarity love you. And we can see the amazing filly you are, and can see the awesome mare you can be. No matter what, we are here to help you find yourself again, and we will do that. I know it'll take time, but things will get better, don't be afraid to come to us. We're your family. Your safe place. Those words had brought a calm over her, and while she had first chastised herself for not seeing it sooner, she had just let the words sink in deeper. After the ordeal, she had requested that Rainbow stay with her for the time being. The mare did, and that night, Scootaloo had fallen asleep on the couch with her sister holding her and stroking her mane softly.

And then you crossed my path

You quelled my fears, you made me laugh

Then you covered my heart in kisses

Her eighteenth birthday. Tears were shed around as she celebrated with her family. The CMC's, Rainbow and her friends had all come to congratulate her on making it that far. So much progress had been made since that terrifying night. Her mental health had improved greatly with the help of her family. Applebloom had helped her rekindle her passion for stunting, and she was getting very advanced. Sweetie Belle had gotten extremely protective of her whenever anypony, including herself, started to talk down to her. Rainbow had always been there for when she needed a good cry and hug. Everyone in her family had been there if she ever needed advice, or just somepony to talk to. As she looked around the table that day at dinner, she had felt so whole. So happy. She felt that she was loved and belonged. Because she did and always would. They had helped her face her fears, they made her smile and laugh everyday. Her heart was full of their kisses and had been since they had come into her life.

I was hopeless and broken

You opened the door for me

Scootaloo was snapped out of her reminiscing by the announcer of the championship. The awards ceremony was starting and she held her breath in anticipation. The door to her future had been opened and she had stepped through it during this competition. It was now time to see where that door had led. No matter where, it would be special because of the ponies who had opened it.

Yeah, I was hiding and you let the light in

And now I see

Here she stood at the age of twenty three, at the biggest competition of her life. Excitement and nervousness flowed through her veins as she and the other remaining nine competitors were instructed to stand behind the podium. She couldn't believe that she had barred herself from this once. But now she saw, and was, what she never thought she'd be. None of the negativity affected her much anymore, and she was ecstatic that she had indeed found the light. More like many lights, each a different color in her mind. Yellow for confidence, salmon for her family, and lavender for hope. The lights had swirled around her, guiding her to where she stood now.

That you do for the wounded

What they couldn't seem to

You set them free

The first two names were called for ninth and ten place. Scootaloo remained. The next three were called for sixth, seventh and eighth. Scootaloo remained. This meant she was in the top five. She felt so light and free in that moment.

Like a butterfly kissing a child with an eye for the minor key

A name was called for fifth place. A name was called for fourth. Scootaloo felt giddy with excitement. She was in the top three!

"And in third place.... Ms. Scootaloo of Ponyville!" the announcer projected. Her legs felt like jelly as she made her way beaming onto the podium. Tears filled her eyes as she stood proudly next to her fellow competitors. She had done it. She had made her family proud. She had proved herself to.. herself. She was proud of herself. That fact alone made her face feel all tingly. Like she was being kissed by Fluttershy's butterflies.

You found me dressed in black

Hiding way up at the back

Life had broken my heart into pieces

You took my hooves in yours

After first and second place had been announced, the audience erupted into cheers. It was such a joyful, assuring sound. She looked at her family and saw pride shining in their eyes as they clapped and cheered loudly. They had been there and were there now to see her grow. They found her surrounded by black and hiding her every emotion. They saw how broken she was. But they always held her close and never ever let go.

You started breaking down my walls

And you covered my heart in kisses

Once upon a time, Scootaloo would have rather crashed her scooter into a dumpster than cry in front of ponies. But this was a big day, and a huge milestone in her life. But her walls had been broken down, and her heart had been kissed enough to protect her, and she couldn't care less right now. Everypony was dismissed to find their supporters once the celebration had died down.

I thought life would pass me by

Missed my tears, ignored my cries

She had once thought she'd never amount to anything. But look where she was now. She and her family saw it clear as day how big this success was for her personally. She loved every moment. As she walked towards her supporters, Scootaloo looked into the trophy and saw a brief reflection of her life.

Life had broken my heart, my spirit

Her, a lone orphan.

And then you crossed my path

Her, meeting the crusaders and becoming friends.

You quelled my fears, you made me laugh

Her, with her older sister on their second camping trip to Winsome Falls.

Then you covered my heart in kisses

Her, part of a family, of which none of the members were related to her, but all of whom loved her unconditionally.

Scootaloo ran into the outstretched forelegs of her older sister with their friends surrounding them. With the biggest smile on her face, and tears trickling down her face, she looked around and could feel the warmth and love of her family surrounding and holding her. Their smiles were so bright and she could feel each one of them kissing her soul. She buried her face into Rainbow's neck and the older mare held on tight. "We're all so proud of you, squirt," she said in a slightly choked up voice.

"We all are Scoots," chirped Sweetie Belle.

"Ya did a mighty fine job out there Scootaloo," Applebloom added. Everypony else gave their own words of excitement and praise. And in that moment, Scootaloo's heart felt lighter than air.

And you covered my heart in kisses