Weird and unusual punishment
Applejack is a friendly, dependable mare that you can trust to have your back. If you need her, she’ll come running, and she won’t care when.
However, you do not want to anger her. Even for earth pony standards, she’s strong, frighteningly so.
If I needed proof of Applejack’s raw strength, she was giving it in spades at Sweet Apple Acres. She was stomping around, scowling, and demolishing huge wooden empty boxes into little pieces with just one swift kick from her hind legs, mixed with yells for good measure. Rainbow Dash and I could only watch and stay out of her way.
Oh, and because the rainbow-maned mare and I were the reason Applejack was raging, we had to hope she wouldn’t decide to demolish us! If she did...hopefully my tombstone would read “Here lies Eric ‘Buggie’ Reed, a good friend to Equestria”, not “Here lies one of Equestria’s biggest idiots”.
“Ooh, I’ve never been so peeved at either of you before! I oughta...OOH!!”
*Smash!*
There went box #7, and my insides shivered from seeing the box practically explode. The remains of the first six boxes, spread all over the farm, sparked more shakes; it could have been me lying in pieces. Bet One Kick Mare pictured it with Rainbow’s and my face on it before she leveled it.
“Come on, Applejack!” Rainbow pleaded. “We said we were sorry!”
“Yeah, and to make it up to her, I’ll buy Apple Bloom whatever she wants as long as I can aff–”
*Smash!*
RIP box #8. It fell to pieces as fast as its seven predecessors did.
The livid mare pointed at what was left of box #8 while staring ultra-sharp daggers at us. “See that?! If we weren’t friends, that would be you two!”
I yanked on my hat’s brim. It was a white hat that held designs of the gang’s’ Cutie Marks on it. Not that the move would calm Angryapple. “I...*gulp*...see, but Rainbow and I didn’t know Apple Bloom would actually try to pull off a double backflip! I thought she only did crazy–uh, daring stuff like that during her Cutie Mark-seeking days!”
“Yeah! Eric and I thought it would have just gotten Apple Bloom to stop asking about testing potions on us!”
“Y’all couldn’t think to tell her, 'no’ instead of ‘If you do a double backflip, we’ll let you test on us’?”
“We did, but it just made her promise that she’d be careful,” I answered.
“And you didn’t say somethin’ like ‘no means ‘No’?”
“Tried that too, and all it did was make her get on her knees and beg,” Rainbow said.
“I almost said ‘yes’ just so she'd put away her big sad eyes. It’s hard enough to resist when Twilight or Pinkie looks at me with those eyes and beg me to do something, let alone a filly!”
It also worked against me that Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie can be adorable, or adorkable in Twilight’s case. I’m glad no pony had figured out that I’m a sucker to a mare’s or filly’s “big sad eyes” trick.
Applejack’s scowl waned, and she took a big deep breath. Good sign. “Fair point. Apple Bloom can be pretty stubborn, and the doctors said her leg will heal in only a couple of weeks. But still, because of you–”
“How about this: dare me to do something, anything, no matter how much it will hurt.” Rainbow pointed at herself. “You know I never backed out of dares whenever we played ‘truth or dare’!”
“This guy don't refuse dares either. Name your dare, mare!”
Fine, that was a poor attempt at wordplay I did.
Applejack rubbed her cheek. “Dares, you say?” She took some steps away; I guess she was trying to cook up a good dare. She stopped walking and slowly turned to Rainbow and me. A big ‘ol grin curled on that face.
I gulped. This was gonna end badly.
“Okay, I have a dare, so come with me. We’re goin’ for a walk.”
Given Applejack let me stay in one piece, I held my tongue on asking what was going on in her head. Instead, along with Rainbow, I followed Applejack out of Sweet Apple Acres. Didn’t think she cared how long it might take to clean up the carnage of those boxes she wrecked.
Rainbow and I found ourselves still trailing Applejack, but she had led us into Ponyville’s Town Square. As one of Ponyville’s busiest areas, it was teeming with ponies walking or standing on the ground and flying in mid-air.
“Applejack, are you ever going to tell us what our dare is?” Rainbow asked.
“In due time, Sugarcube.”
Good. Applejack had lost enough anger to call Rainbow “Sugarcube”. Then again, she might have been in a better mood because she was thinking of what her dare, or rather torture, was.
Applejack finally stopped walking once we were in the middle of Town Square and turned toward Rainbow and me. It was showtime. “All right, ready for yer dare?”
“Yep!” Rainbow and I answered together.
“Glad to hear it, and this is where the fun begins.” Applejack chuckled, but her smile curled into more of a smirk. “Now, I dare both of you to cuddle with each other.”
That pony couldn’t be serious! Rainbow’s and my mouth dropped, and we asked, “What?!”
“Y’all heard me! Cuddle, and till I say so, ya can’t tell anyone that it’s because of a dare.”
She was serious! Me? Rainbow Dash of all ponies? Cuddling?! The presence of the surrounding ponies practically buried me. “But we’re in public! It’ll be way too embarrassing, plus Rainbow and I aren’t that close!”
“Heh heh, I know,” Applejack said, her smirk looking so smug.
“Then you ‘know’ that I’m not cuddling with Eric out here! I can already hear the laughing and the ‘Rainbow Cuddler!’ calls at Wonderbolt practice!”
“Well, tough luck, because this is a dare. I thought you never wimped out of them?”
My fellow never-say-no-to-dares partner and I stared at each other. Rainbow’s eyes told me that she knew we were screwed too, so she moaned and lay on the ground. I sat beside her.
“You call that ‘cuddlin’? Y’all not even makin’ contact!”
Got no idea why we thought sitting close together would satisfy our new temporary boss. We inched closer and I slowly curled my arm around Rainbow, she mirrored my move with a foreleg, and we begrudgingly pulled the other close.
Okay, being in Rainbow’s embrace was actually a bit cozy. Her soft, fuzzy coat pressed against me. Her body heat oozing into and warming me further upped the cozy factor.
It was pleasant, but also weird! We were good friends, sure, but we had never even hugged one another before, let alone cuddle! I’d take staying up half the night trying to calm down a paranoid OCD pony over this! I know: it happened last night when Twilight found out she had messed up on two of her schedules and freaked out over it. I only got five hours of Zzzzs due to the Princess of Panicking’s antics.
“Better,” Applejack said, “but it looks like yer just huggin’, not cuddlin’. Rainbow, nuzzle his chest, I dare you.”
“I...” Rainbow started, but it ended in a groan.
This was a dare, so there was no saying "no". I took off my necklace with my free hand, which had a green geode hanging from it, and laid it on the ground. The geode would have gotten in Rainbow's way as she did her dare if I left my necklace on.
As for Rainbow, she gritted her teeth, leaned her head into my chest, and nuzzled it, but we kept our arm or foreleg around each other. Each rub and scrape of her muzzle was surprisingly light, if not delicate, and she almost looked adorable with her head buried in my chest. Who knew the tomboyish Rainbow could be a gentle nuzzler?
But giggles from one of the ponies watching re-sparked the weirdness factor. I glanced over and saw the pony in question was a purple unicorn stallion with an orange and black mane. Going by his white jacket and stethoscope, he was a doctor, but I had never seen him around before.
Of course, I had other things on my mind to worry about – and wrapped in my arm and chest – than that doctor’s origin.
“That’s more like it!” Applejack said with a big fat smirk. I think I liked it better when she was raging at her farm. “It even looks like this ain’t yer first cuddle rodeo.”
“Nope, this is our first one, and we’re not giving any repeat performances,” Rainbow mumbled as she sped up her nuzzling. Her rubs grew rougher as well.
“Look at it this way: this can’t get much weirder,” I said.
Applejack’s smirk deepened, even showing her teeth. “Oh, is that a challenge?”
I facepalmed with my free hand. Me and my big mouth. Rainbow swung her head from my chest and toward Applejack, her mouth agape.
”N-no, I wasn’t–”
“Challenge accepted! So, Rainbow, I dare you to take his hand and ask, ‘Aww, are you going to kiss my hoofsies’?"
Rainbow growled. After a second, she looked at me with gritted teeth, her cheeks glowing red like tomatoes. “Thanks a lot, Eric.”
“Sorry,” I said with my best sheepish grin.
We freed each other from our arm’s/foreleg’s grip, and her forehooves shook as she used them to hold my hand as best as she could with hooves. “Aww, are you going to kiss my hoofsies’?"
“That was too quiet,” Applejack said. That stool pigeon. “Ask it louder, so everyone can hear it.”
Rainbow growled again, then asked in a borderline yell, “Aww, are you going to kiss my hoofsies’?!"
Laughter from ponies erupted from that one, and even Applejack broke out in a short laugh! I bet my face glowed red; my cheeks heated up. Why couldn’t those ponies go eat some hay or do something else instead of watching “The Cuddling”?!
“Now that was better! Now, Eric, say, ‘If I do, will you kiss my footsies?’.”
Of course I would have to say something. “If I do, will you kiss my footsies?!”
Cue more roaring laughter from our “audience”. Then again, we got a filly hurt, so I suppose this humiliation was justified.
I looked at Applejack. “Was that loud enough?”
She nodded. “Yep, and you two look so cute together!”
“No we don’t!” Rainbow moved her hooves off my hand and crossed her forelegs.
“What do you want us to do now?” I asked in my own pout. “Rub each other’s bellies?”
Applejack slyly grinned. “Ooh, that’s a fine idea, so I dare you to do it! And as it happens, lay on yer backs.”
*Smack!*
“Ow!” There was no time to react to the incoming light-blue hoof of a now-hovering pegasus. She whacked me on my noggin, and my hat almost flew off!
“Are you trying to make this harder for us?!”
“Sorry, again!” I massaged the top of my head. Too bad it wasn’t helping. “Anyway, we can at least do it fast to get it over with quicker.”
“That would make it easier, so I dare both of you to rub the other’s stomach for a good...twenty, no thirty seconds.”
My mouth must hate me today. This is stuff Pinkie would do. If looks could kill, Rainbow’s scowl would have ended me. I pointed at my head and gritted my teeth to brace myself. “Hit me again.”
*Smack!*
*Smack!*
“Ow! What was that last one for?!”
She pointed a hoof at me, the same one she wailed on me with. “In case you make things worse for us again! Now, I’ll get rubbed first. Try not to tickle me.”
Rainbow landed back to the ground and lay on her back. I leaned down and massaged her big – not big like that – belly in circles while massaging my head with my other hand. When Rainbow smacks, she smacks hard.
I’ll admit: the thin, fuzzy hair brushing against my hand as I rubbed across her soft belly was kinda nice, but weird. I almost wanted to poke it – but I’d rather not risk Rainbow forgetting she had already given me a third smack preemptively and land a fourth one.
But a giggle from some ponies pierced my ear. Now the belly-rubbing only felt weird.
Rainbow growled, glaring at Applejack. “Applejack, I hate you.”
I whined, “This is weird and unusual punishment!”
“Heh heh, it is, but don’t worry. I’ll get over it.”
The rest of the thirty seconds had rarely felt so long thanks to the laughing and tittering our audience was giving us. The seconds dragged along like minutes – and probably held the ground to stick around even longer.
After (in my head) ten minutes, Appleboss said, “That’s long enough. Go ahead and switch places.”
Rainbow rolled off her back and stood up while I lay onto mine. Places switched, she reached for my belly and rubbed it in circles. The mare’s surprisingly gentle rubs sent internal tingles from my stomach, down my arms and legs, and they vibrated all the way to my feet and hands, like waves in an ocean.
I felt like an overgrown baby. Perhaps it would have been better if Applejack had just torn me apart at her farm. If that weren't enough, those reddish-pink eyes of Rainbow’s bearing down on me...I could taste the fury in them.
However, maybe ten seconds (or thirty to me) into Rainbow’s “massage”, it stopped feeling too weird. The tingling waves pulsing through my body and sinking into my muscles started to feel relaxing.
Thirty or so seconds (in real time anyway) into the belly massage, Rainbow lifted her hoof off me. She must never know I started to enjoy it a little.
“Uh...guys?” a female voice from behind called out. I stood up and looked behind me.
The voice belonged to Starlight Glimmer, and Twilight stood beside her. Both mares’ eyes were widened, but Twilight’s were bulging a tad larger.
Yep, awkward just took some steroids. Why didn’t crickets chirp to make this less uncomfortable?
“Starie” stayed motionless. However, Twilight gasped and flew off in the direction of her castle. She looked like she might set a new alicorn record in flight speed.
“Do I even want to know what’s going on, or should I turn away and forget everything I just saw?” Starie finally asked.
“For now, I’ll advise picking the second option,” I answered. Thanks to the boss’s stipulation, I wouldn’t be able to squeal what was really going on yet anyway.
“Okay. See you later.” She turned and walked out of the town square, but not toward the castle. Maybe she was heading to therapy to help forget what she saw.
“Ya know, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you enjoyed your stomach bein’ rubbed at one point, Eric!” Applejack teased with her sly smile again.
“I did not, and can we go now? Please?”
“Hmm...” Applejack rubbed her chin, possibly the universal thinking position. “I guess ya just about suffered enough, so you can go after one last dare.”
Rainbow let out a wicked-loud groan. ”Whaaaaat?”
“You and Eric asked each other to do somethin’. Remember?”
“We did? The only things I remember asking Rainbow was why she hit me a third time and what you made me...no.” My mouth dropped. If Applejack was thinking what I thought she was thinking, I wouldn’t want to use it again!
“You wouldn’t dare make us do that!” Rainbow shouted.
“Oh, but I will dare you to kiss Eric’s ‘footsies’! And Eric–”
I pointed at Applejack and declared, “No, I am not kissing that mare’s hooves!”
“But I’m not asking you to kiss ‘that mare’s’ hooves. I’m daring you to kiss Rainbow’s hoofsies!”
Sometimes, I hate how I can’t refuse dares. I looked to Rainbow, who had her hoof over her mouth; she looked sick. There was only one thing I could think of to say.
“Rainbow, I’ll let you choose: which of us will get to kissing first?”
I held and stared at my toothbrush, wondering if my lips needed more brushing.
I lost count of how long I was washing my mouth and brushing my now-sore lips after running back to Twilight’s castle. A half-hour?
What I did know, going by my reflection in the bathroom’s mirror, was that my lips were reddened from my brushing. Of course, that was minor compared to what a certain orange earth pony dared me to do, ten times on each hoof! They weren’t even clean!
Oh boy, I might need therapy to get that experience out of my head. I almost forgot to put my necklace back on after it was over. Wasn't sure if I would ever be able to tell Sunset Shimmer what happened. Let's just say I didn't think she would have liked it.
Though it wasn’t just me that suffered. Who knew how long Rainbow would keep washing her mouth and lips in her bathroom? The one bit of good news was that our ex-boss forgave us.
A chill flowed down my back. Felt like something was watching me.
I turned around to see Twilight standing outside the bathroom’s doorway. Didn’t even hear her hoofsteps.
But something wasn’t right. The smile on Twi’s face was calming, yet too calming. Not good. I’d gotten used to her normal freak-out sessions where she paces in circles, yells stuff like “How could I have let this happen?!” with bloodshot eyes, not...what this was.
“Twi? What–”
“Just come with me,” she answered in a soft, motherly voice. Odd.
Her horn glowed pink. My body was lifted in magic and was pulled toward her. My toothbrush was pulled from my hand and floated into the cabinet over the sink.
“W-what are you–”
She stroked my arm and whispered in her maternal voice, “Shush, it’s okay. You’re safe, I promise.”
I had no idea what was up. We have a brother-sister friendship, and something triggered Twilight's “big sister” mode. Trying to ask more would have gotten me shushed again, so I stayed shushed as she carried me out of the bathroom, down the hallways, and to my bedroom. Was that music and bird chirps coming from my room?
Once in my room, I saw that I was right. A record player on my dresser was playing serene music, mixed with the peaceful sound effects of birds chirping.
Again, odd. That record player wasn’t even mine nor had I seen it before.
Twilight walked across the room to my bed while still levitating me, laid me onto it on my back, and covered me with my blanket. She leaned forward, tenderly stroked an arm again with a forehoof, her big purple eyes screaming worry, and whispered in that motherly voice, “Just stay in bed for now, and I will take care of everything you need. Your big sis is finally going to stop stressing out so much, so this won’t happen to you again.”
Wow. That pony thought she had actually driven me nuts with her most recent freak-out!
I wouldn’t be surprised if Princess Celestia heard my laughter in Canterlot.
Author's Note
If I were Eric, I would have thought about pretending to be a little loopy for a while. He might not get another chance in a long time to get Twilight to start learning to calm down!
He's going to be kicking himself the next time she freaks out over something.
