The Cult of Anon

by SSA

Rating: mature
Tags: Porn, Sex, Comedy, Berry Punch, Human, Main 6, Drama, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Princess Cadance
Length: 13592

Anon gets transported to Equestria. Mares think he's a incubus and start worshipping him.

Anon gets transported to Equestria. Mares think he's a incubus and start worshipping him. Shenanigan's ensue when Cadance thinks he's moving in on her turf. This takes place in Reverse Gender Roles Equestria.

Published 2021-06-11 14:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-06-11 14:00:00 UTC

Chapter Only

They’ve really gone all out for this one. Big pentagram in blood, voodoo masks hanging from trees, a big tree trunk sized post hammered into the ground with a cute little poner mare shackled upright to it. Really gotta talk to these cultists.

Probably shouldn’t have taken Zecora up on her offer to live in the Everfree. She promised that no one would bother you but no~ Fucking technicolour marshmallow pones will not be stopped from worshiping your suave green ass. Probably didn’t help that you fucked three out of their four goddesses into a week-long stupor. Wasn’t your fault that you hadn’t nutted in over a month when you first got here and they were shaking their asses in your face.

It was No Nut November, what were you gonna do? So here you were, months later, with a literal cult following.

”It’ll die down by itself, Anon!” Go Fast Eat Ass had said.

”You just need a good mare to stand up to them.” The Purplest and Sexist-est horse had said.

”Better you than me, dude.” The fucking lizard had said.

They had a church. (Lyra’s place, no matter how much Bon Bon complained about it) They had robes. They had these weird masks/helmets that look like your head, and some bitch named Mare Ton had nailed a long ass scroll to your door titled “95 Reasons Why Monkey Dick Is Superior.”

But back to the present. Looks like it’s Berry Punch this time. Nice mare, usually too drunk to hit on you, and when she isn’t she’s cool with you being a ‘strong, independent stallion who don’t need no mare.’

You head out to her, trying not to step in the 'blood.' ”Hey there Berry, they got to you, huh?”

”Said they’d buy a dozen bottles of the good stuff for their ‘communion’ if I came out here.”

”Isn’t this supposed to be a ‘virgin’ sacrifice? Don’t you have a kid?”

”Pinch is actually my sister. I’m taking care of her because mom had her way too late in life. We actually thought it was impossible to get her pregnant at her age, call it a miracle.”

You open the shackles by pinching the specially made tabs. They were made in such a way that while any creature could put them on, only someone with five digits could remove them. Anti-magic too. A poor mare had been stuck in them for three days while you were out in Fillydelphia at a Power Ponies convention with Spike because no one else wanted to go with him.

The shackles open up and Berry drops into your arms. She’s a hefty little pone, the Earth ones always are, though she’s got a little flab on her that makes her extra squishy. The walk back to the house is long enough for your ‘human smell’ to get all up in Berry’s nose. You know because the ‘Sisters of The Sapient Order’ had measured it out quite precisely. It’s also why they used a paralytic venom in their ‘sacrifice's’ legs so that you would have to carry them.

Berry’s flushed as you close the back door behind you. ”Do you want some dinner, Berry?” You offer her a plate of spaghetti.

She takes one look at it and blanches, “Uh, no thanks Anon, I’m good.”

First test completed. While it wouldn’t kill them in the amount found in sauce, tomatoes were poisonous to ponies and they won’t eat anything with tomatoes in it. Except if they were hopped up on human scent and weren’t in their right mind. But since she could recognize a situation she didn’t want any part of and refuse it that meant you were primed to get down and dirty.

”So, you said no to dinner, but maybe you would like a bath? Or maybe you’d prefer… me?” Anime has stained your soul but these silly pones eat it up.

Berry goes full red in the face, “Y-you?”

You grin, “Me it is then~”

Berry goes pomf onto your bed, red faced and starry eyed. “How about we make sure that you can’t be sent to another ‘virgin’ sacrifice, hmm?”

”L-lewd”

“You don’t even know what that word really means, not yet~”

One hand in the chest fluff. One hand in the pubic fluff. Face in belly. Aww yiss. ”A-Anon!” Some of the weaker mares have orgasmed at this point, apparently Berry is more ‘marely.’ You run your teeth along her smooth belly and she moans out. You’re convinced at this point that every pony has a predator/prey fetish. Probably the reason that Equestria is hemorrhaging mares to places like the Changeling kingdom and Griffonstone now that they’re established enough that they aren’t shitholes.

Hand in the chest fluff goes up to hold her down by her neck, not actually choking her, but close enough. Hand in the public fluff goes down to begin stroking her slick and no doubt aching sex. ”A-A-A-ANON~” Yup, there she goes. Still, she lasted longer than most other ponies. She might actually be conscious when you finish.

Standing up from the panting mare you step back and start unbuttoning your dress shirt. Berry can’t take her eyes off you as more and more of your chest is revealed. "Do you like what you see, Berry?”

She nods. “Would you like more?”

She blushes and nods. God damn you love being what is essentially a succubus in pony land. Is it really a wonder they started worshipping you? You certainly would have happily been a virgin sacrifice for a hot succubus back home. Shit, does this mean you have a cult of incels? Eh, whatever, they’re cute and most are down for casual sex. They could quit with the sexism though, really.

Pants: off. Dick: out. Pony pussy: Sopping wet. Close up the hatches boys, we’re diving in deep.

You’d compare the feeling of pony pussy to human pussy, if you’d ever had any of the latter. Do human women feel like half a dozen slick, soft hands massaging every inch of your length? And that little bit at the very end that when you bump into it the woman goes nuts? Being able to bottom out is pretty freaking awesome. Berry lets out a little “Ah!” every time you tap her cervix with your dick head. You stay still, hilted in Berry as she pants, moans, and writhes on your length.

The cult must do something to them so that their hymen isn’t damaged during your entry, since not one of them has felt any pain since the first sacrifice. Which is good, because while slow, soft sex that would gently stretch it out instead of ripping it would be fun, it wouldn’t get you off fast enough and by the end of it you’d be fucking an unconscious ragdoll, which is most certainly not your fetish.

”More, Anon, please. Fuck me.”

“Of course.”

You plant your lips on Berry’s and ravage her mouth as you begin fucking her, picking up pace quickly until you’re jackhammering into her, you balls slapping against her plush pony ass. Her eyes roll up into her head and her limbs spasm as they try to hold your bulk. A wet squelching sound beats out a fast rhythm as her flooding tunnel tries to suck your pistoning dick back in on every out thrust.

Berry’s stopped talking, it’s all she can do to breathe through your assault on her pussy. Less than a minute in and she’s already on cloud nine. If you tried you could pound her for a full five minutes before cumming. All this sex has done wonders for your endurance. You were a bit of a quick-shot when you first arrived. Not any more. They’ll have to start sending ‘virgins’ in two at a time soon. That or you could start letting them suck you off before you start, so that you can get a head start on them.

Oh, there goes Berry again. It’s like a sloppy handjob in there along with, y’know, the full pussy experience. "I’m getting close, Berry. Where do you want it?”

You get to ask, since she’s still mostly coherent. ”F~fill me up! I wanna have your foals!”

Silly Berry, you can’t get ponies pregnant. Still, best to give the lady what she wants. “Take it!”

The feeling of you filling her womb pushes Berry over the edge and keeps her there as you rocket your warm seed into her foal hole. You pop off a rope, pull back slightly, and then slam into her cervix to shoot another one right into her while her pussy contracts around you, sucking you in as deep as you can go.

Tired of holding yourself above her you roll over so that you and Berry are side-by-side. Careful not to pull out and get your bedsheets covered in your cum. The two of you rest for a bit before Berry suddenly blurts out, “I love you.”

“I care for you too, Berry.”

She blushes, “S-sorry, that just came out.”

“Don’t worry, happens more often than you’d think. Now let’s get cleaned up and ready for a night of snuggling.”

Her expression says ‘too lewd’ but her body says ‘moar plz.’ Grooming pretty ponies make monkey brain go brrrrrrrrrrrrr. Fluffy ponies make for top tier body pillows, none of that imported Japanese crap.

A gentleman always makes his one night stand breakfast in the morning. If he wants her to come back, anyways. Also ponies are fucking assholes before they have breakfast. Except Pinkie, but you’re pretty sure she pops a hooffull of pop rocks every morning or something. You wave merrily to Berry as she wobbles her way down the path back to town.

Later...

You are an equally sore and elated and no longer virginal Berry Punch. Previously a nonbeliever. Now you’ve seen the light. Truly Anon is too pure for this world. His smile must be protected and his cock must be sucked. The Sisters are waiting in your darkened living room.

“Turn on a fukin’ light ya idjits.”

You smack a lamps base and it turns on, revealing the four mares who lead the cult wearing their dumb robes and weird green spherical Anon helmets. They scramble up from their game of poker and try to look like they weren’t bored waiting for you.

”Berry Punch!” Twilight says, trying to disguise her voice but failing spectacularly, “You who were once among-”

“Shut it you purple pain in my flank. I’ll join your order, but I want another helping of that hot monkey dick!”

Twilight clears her throat, “Well, so do we all. Which is why we’re starting Phase Two early! We were hoping to get more converts first but my tests have shown that Anon’s sexual power was not, in fact, transferred to any of us during coitus.”

“You mean you’re still getting shot down by any stallion who isn’t fat and desperate?”

”But no matter,” She ignores you, “Our big balled succubus cf will love us better than any measly stallion! We must simply show him that he needs mares in his life to protect and love him like he deserves!” The other three cultists clop their hooves politely.

“And how are we going to do that?”

”I have a checklist!”

Be an equally angry and distraught Cadence. Kick open the door to the fancy eating place: Manger à Trois. There he is: Anon. Having a fancy dinner with Fancy Pants, Fleur de Lis, and Rarity. You can't let him do this again. Taking your glory and your job. "Anon!" Everyone in the restaurant looks up at you.

"I have asked you nicely, and you refused me once.

"I pleaded with you, and you refused me twice.

"I begged you and you refused me thrice!

"Now I shall do what I should have done from the beginning."

You step forward and push your glorious pink tuft out, "I'm going to show you why a colt shouldn't stick his hoofsies in a mare's business!"

"Oh ho ho." Anon says as he stands and turns to you, "Didn't I say before, Mi Amore Cadenza, that no one mare should have all that power?"

Anon begins slowly walking towards you. You grin, the ゴゴゴゴ begin emanating off you in waves. "Oh? You dare to approach me?"

"I can't boop you if I don't get closer."

He's falling right into your hooves, good. "Then come as close as you like!"

With three great strides he's in front of you. "Thousand finger technique, INFINITE BOOPING! ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!"

You expertly deflect each boop with a wing or a hoof. "MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!"

The technique collapses under your impenetrable defense. "Your love of booping betrays you, Anon." You chuckle darkly. "Each attempt at a boop causes a line of love to extend from your fingers to my nose in the exact path that your hand will take. My nose is untouchable!"

The music skips. Why is there boss music playing?

https://youtu.be/2MtOpB5LlUA?t=223

"Cadence, you fool. You may have changed the genre, but you've forgotten the setting." A cold chill runs through you. "You've forgotten, Cadence, that Friendship is Magic! YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BOOPED!"

"NANI?"

Suddenly a dozen lines of love criss cross across your vision as nearly every patron in the establishment is suddenly upon you, booping you snoot unrelentingly. The scrunches are so powerful that they knock you right out the door and onto your butt. Anon stands in the doorway, backlit by the expensive crystal chandeliers.

"I've helped each and every stallion and mare in Ponyville when I could. I consider each and every one of them my friend, and I know they feel the same. Do not be embittered by this defeat, Cadence, let it strengthen you, and when we next meet, I hope it is on the field of friendship and not in the trenches of love and war."

The door closes with a boom as tears fill your eyes. "Shiny~ I got boop-ed!"

"Aww, honey, come here, I'll kiss it better."

Damn you loved your husband.

Be Anon, succubus/minor love deity in horseland. (Divine authority given by the crown. You have the paperwork and everything.) It’s weird sitting on this side of the confessional. “Confess, my child, and be forgiven.”

Priests say that shit, right? This was an awful idea. ”H-hey, father?” The mare asks, “This is secret, right? You won’t tell anypony?”

“It is, my child. I must act in cases where I believe that you or another are in immediate danger, but all things spoken in this booth will remain between us.”

”O-oh… ok.” The mare falls silent for a minute. ”I-I… I did a very bad thing…”

“Did you harm someone, child?”

”N-no… Well, not really. Not yet.”

“What did you do?”

”I…” She sobs, “I cheated on my herd!”

You sit in stunned silence for a moment. You knew that this theoretically happened but it was very, very rare. Suicide was a bigger problem than cheating with these tiny sexist horses. This must be really serious. ”I-I didn’t mean too! It just happened! It’s not my fault! H-he came onto me! He seduced me!”

“Calm, child” You wish you felt calm. “Tell me what happened, what led up to this?”

”I… I was in the market, doing the shopping, like I always do since everypony is so busy, and he came up to me. HE came up to ME and he was FLIRTING!” She was practically hyperventilating at this point.

”He bumped his flank into mine and he said some stuff that I didn’t really listen to but he complimented my tuft! He walked home with me and since no one else was home he came in and helped me put away the groceries. Everything was fine but suddenly my face was in his balls and then I was on the couch and he was rutting me and it felt so good! I haven’t been rutted in months!” She sniffles.

”He came on my face, said I was a filthy whore and walked out. I just… I just lay there for a while, but I heard my herd unlocking the door and I bolted out the back. I… I didn’t know where else to go. I remember Lyra saying something about you helping ponies so I came… here.”

This one was tough, you’re no trained relationship counselor but this looks like a ‘no one is in the right’ sort of situation. “So, your herd likely knows that somepony had sex in their house while they were out, and they might know who did it.”

”Y-yeah.”

“And unless you clean off really, really well they’ll know it was you and who the stallion is.”

”They probably don’t know who he is… They wouldn’t unless I didn’t wash off his cum. I-it’s hard to smell a male over the smell of a female.”

“I see, so they won’t know who he is unless you tell them.”

”I… I don’t want to get him in trouble. It’s my mistake, I made it.”

Silly poner, it takes two to tango, and unless he is nose blind and an idiot he could tell you were taken. Still, he would never be held accountable. Heck, he’d be hailed a hero, a pinnacle of masculinity for his ability to lure away a taken mare from her herd, something thought nearly impossible to do.

She would be seen as worthless and disloyal. She’d probably lose her herd and not be able to find a new one. The chances of them forgiving her are about zero, which is sorta fair, you wouldn’t take back a cheater either. Sucks for her though.

Better get some context. “Why do you believe you engaged in sex with this stallion, my child? Were you sexually frustrated?”

”Y-yes…”

“Is there more than that? How has your herd been treating you?”

”Th-they’re great! They’re all nice, and they’re good ponies, they don’t deserve this…”

“But how do they treat YOU, child. What do they ask of you, and what do they give you?”

”W-well, I get the groceries, and pretty much everything else. I work on the weather team so I usually have the afternoons off…”

“Do you spend that time with your stallion?”

”N-no… He’s usually with Flitter… She’s also on the weather team.”

“But you always go out to buy things? Shouldn’t you and she share this responsibility?”

”M-my alpha said that since F-Flitter is more fertile she should… spend more time with him…”

“But let me guess, the other mares spend time with him too?”

”Th-they say that since I’m home early that I had my chance to spend time with him, b-but I don’t! I-I haven’t even kissed him in two weeks…” She’s sobbing openly now, “I-I just feel so-so…” She breaks down at this point, crying and sobbing. Should you go and hug her? Sobbing continues for a full three minutes. Yeah, that pone needs a hug.

Stepping out of the booth attached to the side of your house you open the other door and pull out the sad pone, cuddling her close to your chest as she sobs. Rocking her gently you slowly walk into your house and begin preparing hot cocoa. Filly’s love hot cocoa.

Several minutes later you are sitting across from the mare as she quietly sips her cocoa. “It sounds like you had more than one problem with your herd, my child.” She nods sadly. “How many mares are there?”

”S-seven.”

“That’s quite a few. Herds are usually from three to five, not counting the stallion, are they not?”

”H-he has expensive tastes, a-and he’s worth it, I swear! H-he’s a good stallion, he’s pretty, he’s got good legs, h-he’s good in bed. He deserves the best!”

“I do not doubt your stallion's worthiness, but there’s only so much time in the day. I know that your mother likely told you that a mare should be strong no matter what, but mares need love and affection too.”

”I-I know that…”

“Did you go to your alpha about these feelings?”

”...Yes…”

“Did she do anything about them?”

”...No”

“It sounds to me like you weren’t really part of the herd, then. It sounds to me like you were neglected, and you felt alone, and when you reached out they didn’t reach back. Yes, you did wrong, and you must repent and atone for it as best you can, but your folly was not in your betrayal alone, but in your unwillingness to address your own needs when you felt they were unfulfilled.”

”I… I don’t understand.”

“You were neglected, child. You asked for help, and you were refused. So when somepony came along and offered you what you thought you weren’t getting you accepted their offer. Yes, you shouldn’t have done this, but I can understand why you would do so. But now we need to decide what to do next.”

She nods sadly.

“You’re going to have to tell your herd what happened. You’re going to have to admit to your fault and apologize for your actions. I know that this will hurt you. I know that they will likely kick you out of the herd.

“But to be quite frank, I think it might be best for you to leave that herd regardless. They are no doubt good ponies but I don’t think they can be what you need right now. Here.” You pull out a pamphlet and give it to her. “Regardless of what happens when you go back to your herd I want you to go here as soon as you can. I want you to sit down with one of their counselors and tell them everything you told me, and everything I told you.”

”The Cadenzian mission? Don’t you hate them?”

You chuckle, “We have an… understanding. They have professionals with training that I do not. Now, don’t get me wrong, they will try to turn you mono, but you don’t need to do anything they say. Their counselors are some of the best in Equestria, and their confidentiality is guaranteed.”

She nods, “Ok, Mr. Anon. I… I’ll do what you say…”

“It’s the right thing, child, now finish your cocoa before it gets cold.”

The manticore roars and Anon falls on his tight flank. It goes to strike but a bubble shield of amazing power rises around Anon. The manticore bounces off of it and as it falls back you blast it with your level 9 wizard bolt using all nine of Starswirl’s enhancement locking rings.

The manticore runs off into the Everfree like a scared little kitten. You approach the stunned but not too hurt Anon and gently lift him to his feet. “You’re safe now, Anon.” You comfort the frightened stallion as he clings to you tuft, “You’ll always be safe with me around.”

”Thank you, ~~Twilight~~ powerful magical mare! You were right all along! I’ll move in with you right away and I’ll make you hot food for every meal just like your dad used to make and I’ll have sex with you every night because you deserve to have some stress relief from your big important studies!”

“I know, I love you too Anon.”

You look down on your latest revision on the Demanonicon, it was perfect. You couldn’t wait to see what additions the other members had written to be added to the book. It was getting pretty thick, they might have to start thinking about turning it into a series rather than a single holy tomb.

With a happy prance you dart off to your treebrary from your favorite writing hill. When you get there, though, three of your fellow sisters are waiting for you wearing their full regalia. Is the big spherical Anon helmet still really necessary? You thought that everyone agreed that it looked silly. Oh well, some habits die hard, you guess.

"Girls? What’s up?"

”So, check it, Chrysalis dragged her buggy butt out of the Everfree and Challenged Anon for control of his… Are we still a cult? Or are we, like, a religion now?

You sigh, “We’re technically a religion but I don’t like the fact that we had to do that. It just seems a bit silly. I mean, Anon’s a great guy and he’s really helped us out, and I mean, he’s certainly got some unique abilities but I wouldn’t call them deity tier. I prefered when he was just a weird extra-dimensional succubus.”

”Yeah, but you heard what the stallions in town were saying. They were going to form a mob and run him out of the country! Pff, it’s not like he was going to steal away their mares or anything, but stallions can’t handle a little competition, the pansies.”

You sigh, you just wanted a big balled goth cf, was that so much to ask for? Apparently it was, because the stallions of Ponyville couldn’t live with the idea of the mares they passed over getting some free loving. So in order to protect Anon you’d registered him as a deity. The conditions for being a registered living deity were pretty simple, you had to have fifty Equestrian citizens sign a form confirming that they worshipped you and you couldn’t be ‘of mortal magic.’

That second clause is what stopped most creatures from becoming a deity. ‘Mortal magic’ describes almost all kinds of magic in the world, meaning that most deities are registered on the fact that they’re immortals. Anon got around this by having no magic at all, therefore he was not ‘of mortal magic.’

Dash is still talking, “So, Chrysalis is challenging him for control of his religion, but guess who shows up?”

Oh no. ”Cadance, that’s who! So the three of them are having a standoff over by the lake!" Time to go be a hero again, filly.

Anon, Cadance, and Chrysalis stand in a triangle in the meadow, the wind rustling the grass and the leaves of the nearby copse of trees. Cadance is dressed in her finest regalia, a cape spilling over her left foreleg, her hair whipping in the wind and her face stern.

Chrysalis is armored for battle, the insectoid plates of her mail giving her an even more buggy look. Her eyes dart between her two opponents, looking for the tiniest weakness.

Anon wears a dozen scarves over a body stocking. Each scarf contains a rune spell and they drape his body alluringly. He has forgone the chainmail bikini that Pinkie got him, but don’t worry, she has it in her saddle bag in case he changes his mind.

Cadance spoke first, “Love… is powerful. Love is the highest order of emotion that any creature can feel. It connects a mare and stallion together in a way that cannot be denied. It’s ultimate form is that of new life. Love is a union of mind, body, and soul, and that union bears fruit sweeter than any other.”

Chrysalis snorts in derision, “Love… is selfish. It cares not for need, for justice, for right or wrong. Love picks someone and lies to the body and mind. It tells them that this being will not betray them. It tells them that this loved thing will not wither and die and fall to dust. Love cares only for its own voracious appetite, and punishes those who will not feed its unthinking desires, and those that feed their love should in turn be fed upon, that their folly be properly punished.”

Anon looks first at Cadance, then over at Chrysalis, “Love… is infinite. It springs from a well unending. Love should be given freely and often. Given to those closest to your heart. Given to you friends. Given to your family. Given even to the pony on the street who waves to you as you pass by. Love is not diminished in its sharing, it is strengthened. To love, and to be loved, is as natural as breathing, so breathe, and live.”

The opening statements are pretty powerful, if you do say so yourself. It’s a shame that it quickly devolved into name calling, strawman arguments, and ad hominem. Eventually the three of them were just screaching at each other. You expected it of Anon, he was just a colt after all, but Chrysalis was supposedly an immortal being older even than Celestia and Cadance is like an older sister to you.

”All stallions are KINGS!” Cadance screams in Chrysalis’s face.

”If he breathes, he’s a SLOOOOOOOT!”

The pair charge at each other and start smacking each other around. You sigh in relief that magic is banned during a religious challenge, that rule enforced by a ring of magic nullifying rods sunk deep into the ground. Anon looks on with a frown of fatherly disappointment. You guess you understand why some of the newer initiates call him father, but he’ll always be your daddy~

Eventually Chrysalis and Cadance separate. Cadance is bleeding from her nose and Chrysalis is dripping ichor from the side of her mouth. ”Really, ladies, hooficuffs? I thought we were better than this.”

”SHE started it!” Both mares insist, pointing at one another. They dissolve into bickering again. At least the mares know not to hit a stallion, even if he’s bigger than them. That’s relieving. You look over and spot Applejack standing in the crowd behind Cadance.

“Hey, AJ, I didn’t know you were a Cadenzian.”

AJ looks over at you, “Oh, hey there Twi, I’m not a Cadenzian, but Big Mac is an’ I gotta stand behind family, y’know?”

You nodded, “I know that pain, sis, my brother’s married to her after all, and I’m pretty good friends with her.”

”Mite strange that you ain’t one yerself, ta be frank.”

“Cadence doesn’t really push her own ideals unless somepony asks, she’s cool like that.”

”Wish I could say th’same. Ever since Sugar Belle moved in she’s been goin’ on about how Applebloom an I should find a nice stallion. Says we could all look after the farm together. It’s a mighty fine idea but ta be frank I don’t wanna live in the same house as ma brother ‘n’ sister for the rest of my life, y’know? An’ when I do eventually want foals I want a herd there to pick up the slack on th’ farm.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to be part of the Sisterhood? Anon has helped over a dozen sisters to find herds to join. And if you still want to look for a stallion yourself he holds sexual healing days at least once a week. If you’re lucky he might even single you out for special attention!”

AJ rolled her eyes, “Like I said the first time, Twi, I just think it’s wrong to deify regular folks is all. Anon’s a nice colt, but he ain’t some demon or whatnot.”

“But the things he can do to a mare!”

”Are just his biology. You’re the scientist here, you should know that!”

“B-but he was MADE for us! Can’t you see! Someone or something is looking out for us, and that thing gave us Anon, their one true son, to save us from our loneliness!”

AJ sighed, “Twi, that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”

”I PLAY MY SHINING ARMOR IN FACE DOWN DEFENSE POSITION!” Cadance screamed, tossing Shining out in front of her, face down ass up.

You did not need to see your brother’s balls, ew. Quickly hopping over to your side you see that a changeling that’s larger than the other’s is standing in front of Chrysalis and Shining is still face down ass up in front of Cadance. Ah, there’s her telekinetic grip on his neck, keeping him in that position. Your old foalsitter is one kinky bitch.

Anon reaches behind him and grabs Fluttershy by her scruff. ”Buttershush, I choose you!” Tossing her forwards.

Several seconds of silence follow. ”Uh, mom? What are we supposed to do now?”

”Defeat them!” Chrysalis shouts.

”So, what, just beat them up?”

”Yes!”

”Quiet Wings, use paralyze!” Anon commands. Fluttershy mumbles out a question.

THOOM

A cloud of dust obscures the creatures that just landed in the center of the three feuding creatures. The still blowing wind blows the dust away to reveal Celestia in her full deific regalia. ”I received word that there was a religious dispute inside my borders. I have come to resolve the issue.”

”Shit! It’s the fuzz! Every man for themselves!” Anon screeched. Silly stallion, getting all bothered over a strong mare appearing. Oh shit he’s activated those scarves I gave him. Double shit he summoned his weapons. The things are massive, nearly as long as his arms. Their bright colors warn of their power, like a poison tree frog.

They whine as they spool up. And suddenly the air is filled with dozens of the tiny foam darts that the weapons spit like a vampire fruit bat does apple seeds. Everything devolves from there. Pool noodles, fly swatters, and buckballs fill the air.

War, war never changes. The Sister/Cadanza front is fierce. The Sister/Changeling front quickly devolves into an orgy. You want to join in, but as a commander you must abstain. For King and Cuntry. Make your foremothers proud, mare. The four deities in the center of the melee are dodging in and out of each other, slapping at each other with their pool noodles. Anon appears to be avoiding most of the damage by using his ranged weaponry. Good colt.

The battle rages on for a century (of minutes), many booboos were made, but eventually, the champion stood, the rest couldn’t get her, Celestia in her sweat stained sweater. ”Now, are we ready to sit down and talk about this like adults, or do I have to get the hose?”

She DID have to get the hose, but only to wash the stank off the orgy pile, and she was nice enough to warm up the water first so it was more like a communal shower.

Cadence refused to give any ground but Anon eventually came to an agreement with Chrysalis with some stipulations added in by Celestia. Changelings were allowed to feed off any willing Sister at any time and Anon would give as much of his love as he could to them once a week. However, changelings were required to keep their black chitin horn visible in any form they took while on Equestrian soil to identify them. All in all, a good deal. You get all the free sex we can handle and the bugs get their love. You wonder if some of them could be taught to change into Anon.

You drop some parsley into the cauldron. That’s what it is, a cauldron. It was way too big to be a pot. So big that it needed its own supports to hold it above the fire. It was also necessary.

You see, gender roles are so ingrained in pony social structures that it’s considered a completely normal thing for a mare, no matter how old, to simply pop into her friend’s father’s house for dinner, or a snack, or whatever. There’s even a saying for it: “A father of one is a father to all.”

So it’s no wonder that when you essentially became the guiding male force for many if not most of the mares in Ponyville that didn’t have a strong father figure in their life currently - usually because they’d moved to the growing town - that they would inevitably pop into your house for snacks, or lunch, or dinner, or some such other treat. And of course they expected you to have food cooking at all times. What stallion didn’t, after all? The only exception to that is stallions that helped with businesses.

The fact that you’re out in the Everfree hardly deterred them at this point. Heck, they were talking about cobbling a small road out into the forest that would stop between your and Zecora’s houses. Maybe even refurbishing the old road to the Castle of Two Sisters.

Regardless of future municipal development it came down to the fact that starting several months ago you started getting more and more visitors for meals. It was easy and even comforting to have one or two mares around for lunch or dinner, even though they were weirdos.

Being king of the nerds is easy when you’re a massive nerd yourself. But soon enough your little house was full of mares at all times of the day, wanting snacks, wanting dinner, wanting headpats or tummy rubs or help trimming their tufts or just wanting some hanky panky.

Some of these mares were so starved for male attention that they just wanted to be somewhere where they could just take in the smell of a male without it being weird. Fortunately they realized that you, of course, couldn’t cook for all those mares. They’d eat you out of house and home. Which is when they started bringing you ingredients when they visited. A stallion’s work is never done.

So over time and with a lot of help from your mares your once-house is now a house/church/counseling center/dinner hall. Here at the back of the dinner hall is an idea that you reintroduced to the ponies: perpetual stew. Much like on earth, perpetual stew was a staple of pony towns in the middle ages and is still kept going in some of the earth pony inns around Equestria. So, whenever a mare came by for a snack she could grab a bite of the stew, and at meal times the Sisters would gather round the long U shaped table in the dining hall.

The double doors to your kitchen would open wide and you and your chosen helpers for the day would wheel the big food cart out along it’s tracks, serving each of the mares and all the little buggies sitting at the table, giving each a kiss upon their brow. Then the cart would be pulled back along its track until it slotted into place at the head of the table, turning the U into an O.

At dinnertime you would make the day’s announcements. Praising those young mares that had found a herd or stallion to date. Announcing work accomplishments. Reading out any help requests and asking for volunteers. Sometimes having to assign mares to help one another if needed. None of the mares here were the kind to volunteer to socialize with others. If they were, they wouldn’t be here. Then with the business of the day done you would sit down and everypony would begin to eat.

It’s… nice. When it’s like this it’s like having one big family of sweaty nerds.

Later it would be a very incestuous family, but hey, what guy wouldn’t want to drown in pussy? One that wasn't you, that’s who. Good thing they’re not here, huh? Dinner tonight was a delightful cajun-ish style chili with garlic bread. (weaker garlic butter for the pones because they can only handle so much)

The sounds of eating, talking and laughing fill the hall. To your left Pinkie Pie talks with Fluttershy about a riveting game of horseshoes that she was the referee for. To your right Twilight and Dash talk about a book series that Dash has recently picked up. Seems like Twilight was finally able to get Dash to read something that isn’t Daring Do.

Further down the table Lyra and Bon Bon are talking to Octavia, Lyra gesticulating wildly as she often does. You’re not entirely sure why those three joined the Sisters, since you’re pretty sure Lyra, at least, is gay.

About halfway through dinner the small door that led to the kitchen opened and in walked Spike, coming around to stand between you and Twilight, “Got a letter about an hour ago, one for you, Twilight, and one for you, Anon. Marked yellow with a gold stripe for medium urgency reader’s eyes only.”

”Hmm,” Twilight hummed as she picked up her letter, “Probably some sort of non-imminent threat.”

You crack open your own letter.

Dear Anonymous,

I hope this missive finds you and your Sisters well. There is a rather important problem occurring right now in the Crystal Empire. Nopony’s lives are in danger, which is why I’m writing to you and Twilight both rather than simply gathering the Elements and heading up there myself.

Do you remember the tale of Nightmare Moon? I’m sure you do, it’s when my sister was consumed by sadness and attempted to plunge the world into eternal night. Well, you see, I’m afraid something similar has happened to my dear niece Cadance. After several days with no news from the Crystal Empire I sent a fast messenger to inquire about the state of the Empire.

The messenger returned with concerning tidings.

The ponies of the Crystal Empire fill the streets in an unending festival of carnality. Mares drink spirits until they fall down. Stallions eat cakes with no regard for their weight. The pleasure houses have filled to capacity and stallions whore themselves out on the streets.

All this under the banner of Empress Decadance.

Even as you read this Twilight should be gathering the Elements of Harmony.

But I would like you to try to help her first, if you would be so kind. Know that I would not ask this of you if I believed that you would be in danger, but the nature of Cadance’s corruption leads me to believe that she won’t harm you or anyone if she can help it.

In her corrupted state Cadance’s attachment to her Domain is weakened. This means that, should someone of a similar domain defeat her they would be able to disconnect her from her goddesshood.

By defeating her I do mean that she must fall unconscious due to exhaustion, magical or physical, and you would need to put your hands upon her. At that point the power should flow into you.

I would like you to do this for me, Anon, and for her. Cadance does not deserve to live on forever while the stallion she loves, the only stallion I believe she will ever love, passes on.

By taking her domain from her you will render her a mortal alicorn like her daughter.

But this would mean becoming immortal yourself. I know that this is much to ask of you, and if it is too much, you needn’t do as I ask. The Elements will no doubt purify her as they did my sister.

I ask on behalf of Cadance, who cannot. I believe that with your outlook you can love and lose, and love again. I do not believe that Cadence can.

Please, help the one who is like a daughter to me in a way that I cannot.

I shall respect your decision, whatever it may be,

Celestia

You look up, the table is silent, everypony looking at you. Twilight has already darted out of the hall. “Well, ladies, it appears that the crown has asked us to help with a situation. Our dear friend Cadance has had a bit of trouble in the Crystal Empire and needs to be set back on the straight and narrow. So, who’s up for a crusade?”

Silence reigns for several seconds before Roseluck raises her hoof, “What’s a crusade?”

You pause. You’d gone over Equestrian history. Nowhere in there is mentioned the idea of a crusade. “Does anypony here know what a crusade is?”

They all shake their heads. “But you have the cutie mark crusaders!”

Moondancer huffs, “We know what crusaders are, Anon, like the Stardust Crusaders. It’s just another word for adventurer. So I guess a crusade is just another word for an adventure?”

Huh, perhaps it’s a word left over from a time before Equestria? But shouldn’t any language that old have changed to the point where such a word would be unrecognized? Whatever. “Yeah, it’s like an adventure, but religious. It’s usually about beating up other religions because you think they’re wrong.”

The mares look uncomfortable at that idea, “I don’t want to hurt people, especially over something as silly as what goddess they like best.”

“Hey, hey, that’s just what the word means. What we’re really going to be doing is going up to the Crystal Empire to talk some sense into Cadance. I’m mostly taking you ~~girls~~ mares with me to keep me out of trouble.”

Now THAT is something they can get behind. In under a day you, the Elements of Harmony, and about twenty Sisters are on an express train to the Crystal Empire. It was… exactly like Celestia said. Debauchery in the streets. You didn’t see a pony that wasn’t rutting for the first fifteen minutes you were there, and the one you did see was passed out in a pool of their own vomit. Even the normally horny and down-for-anything mares of your Sisterhood were weirded and grossed out by the sight. That is, until you start getting close to the center. Mares would split off from the group, stepping into buildings that smelled of pastries, or alcohol, or sex. None of you notice, focused on your destination like you are, until it’s just you, the Elements, Lyra, and Bon Bon.

The doors to the palace are ajar, a butler lying half in half out of the doors as the guards go to town on him. You pass without a word. He didn’t look to be in pain, and you can better help him by stopping this at the source. The palace is dark. Unidentifiable sticky puddles of what was once liquid dot the ground. The echo’s of pleasure, and pain, can be heard faintly in the halls. At the end of the long entry hallway are the doors to the throne room. Light spills out around the edges along with the muffled sounds of sex. No doubt Decadence is putting Shining through his paces in there.

“You girls ready?” A chorus of ‘yes’s. The mares go ahead of you and push open the doors. The scene is both expected and unexpected.

Shining is definitely being put through his paces. He appears to be suspended by a cirque du soleil harness and is bobbing and waving high in the air. Around him, either on harnesses or floating on wings or magic are half a dozen mares. They perform a frankly beautiful dance of bodies, but inevitably Shining’s cock get stuffed somewhere.

There, lounging on the throne, is Decadance. Her transformation has left her both beautiful and terrible. Her fur is nearly black, with only a tiny hint of the pink it was before. Under her eyes are darker lines making tear tracks. Her hair billows around her in an ethereal wind like her aunts. She wears a shimmering night dress, strategic parts of it sequined with crystals while her petral, crown, and shoulders are gold, accented with crystal hearts.

She turns to you, and her gaze is like a hundred breaking hearts, “Ah, the Elements of Harmony, and Anon. I’ve been expecting you, or Chrysalis, to show up for a couple days now.”

”Memo’s don’t travel as fast as I do, but don’t worry, I’ll make up for lost time by kicking your but faster than you can say, ‘oops all Dashie.’”

Decadance smiles and stands, “Oh, I don’t think there’ll be any butt kicking going on here, unless you ask really nice~”

“Now now, Cadance, or Decadance, if you prefer, there’s no need to be catty.”

”You’re right. By now you’re all well and truly under the effect of the Crystal Heart. The fact that you aren’t rutting yourselves senseless right now is a testament to your fortitude.” She’s right. You’ve been rock hard ever since entering the city. The mares in front of you are drooling and winking. The smell is intoxicating.

If you didn’t think she’d stab you with her horn while you were distracted you’d probably be plowing your mares right now. You might have a fear boner, but it was still fear that drove you. "Y’know, candy ass, old Papanon gave me some advice, some very good advice, and I’d like to share it with you.” You begin to stride towards Decadance as she slowly walks toward your group. As you pass in front of your mares you look back to see glazed eyes. They’re barely aware of what’s happening.

”Do tell me, Anon. It’ll probably be the last coherent thoughts you have before my divine pussy is wrapped around that toothpick you call a cock.”

You grimace, “He said to me, ‘Son, one day some hoe is gonna step out of line. Hoes do that sometimes. They get off track, and they need someone to set them straight. So you keep that pimp hand strong, son. You keep it strong and when that hoe steps out of line you put here right back where she needs to be.’ And I have, Decadence, I’ve kept my pimp hand strong, allow me to show you.”

You bring your arm up and backhand Decadance across the face as hard as you can. Pain shoots through your hand as one of your knuckles is cut on her teeth. Decadance’s head snaps around hard and she wobbles a bit before steadying. She looks up at you, her lip bleeding. She licks away the blood and some of the lipstick, spitting it onto the floor in a red and purple glob.

“Impressive. My turn.” With a swing of her head she telekinetically grabs you and slams you into the wall, hard. Your vision goes blurry and dim as the back of your head hits the crystal and bounces off.

Decadance releases you immediately and you fall to the floor, vomiting your guts up. She turns away from you as your mares break out of their trance and rush to your side, “I don’t like hurting colts, you know.” She gazes up at Shining, “I want them to be loved, and pleasured, and I want each of them to find their place. I don’t care if it’s in the kitchen, or the bedroom. Heck, I don’t mind if they run a business or, fuck, they can run for office for all I care, so long as they’re taken care of, loved, and are doing what makes them happy.”

With Twilight’s help you’re half on your feet and wobbling, “J-just stay down, Anon,” Twilight’s voice is shaking, “We’ll take care of her. You were never supposed to get hurt.”

You were in way over your head. You should probably let Twilight handle this, but Celestia’s message rings in your mind. This is the only chance Cadance might have for a truly happy life. Fuck, it’s so hard to imagine that dying is the happier option, but to be honest, if you had someone you loved? The thought of living forever without them sucks. But YOU could get over that. If Celestia thought that Cadance couldn’t? You’d believe Sunhorse.

Decadance keeps talking, “I thought I was enough, you know? I was the princess of love. That doesn’t mean sex, Anon, in case you were wondering. Been there, tried that, failed. No, I’m the princess of LOVE. The kind of love that connects people, truly and deeply. And not just romantic love either. I can help the love between friends, between parents and children, between siblings, Tartarus, between pets and their owners even!”

Decadance spins around to face your group, “But I wasn’t enough, was I? I was never enough. Chrysalis has been in the love game since before Celestia was born, and you! You show up and in just a couple months find solutions to problems I didn’t even know existed! I spend half my time awake trying - and failing! - to run a kingdom literally kept warm by love. I spend half my time trying my best to be a good love deity and mend the hearts of every pony I can. Half my time doing my best to help take care of my daughter, and half my time trying to be a good wife to my husband! See any problems with that?” She hisses this last part out, stepping menacingly toward you.

“That’s four halves.” Twilight Dorkle points out unhelpfully.

”EXACTLY!” Decadance’s voice pushes us back with its power. That’s hot. No, boner, shut up, we’re in a final battle. A sexy final battle. ”And it turns out I wasn’t enough for my husband either…” Decadance spits out. She strides back to her throne, her ass waving back and forth hypnotically. ”I think we’re done here. You should retreat, you look like you might need to find a doctor, Anon. Head wounds are serious things.”

You don’t want to leave, but you’re woozy and your mares practically drag you out. The Elements are too worried about you to try blasting the corrupted alicorn. You don’t remember much of the next few hours. You’re pretty sure that Twilight put up some sort of barrier around the hospital and most of the mares with you were rescuing those in the worst state from the streets.

You regain awareness with the dawn. The only pony in the room with you is Lyra who appears to be doing a crossword. You grunt and Lyra perks up, “Hey there big guy! You had us worried there for a bit. Doc said you had a minor concussion, says you need bed rest and nothing exciting to happen, but I can see by your expression that that isn’t going to be happening.”

You smile and sit up, ouch, there’s the headache. “Don’t worry too much, I’m not planning on fighting an alicorn, if that’s what you’re worried about. Why are you here and not one of the others?”

Minty pone smiles sheepishly, “Turns out playing a lap harp doesn’t exactly train your magic or your muscles for dragging drunk mares into hospital rooms.”

You chuckle at the pudgy poner, “I know the feel. Worked in an office doing ‘data entry’ for a year. I think I was half fat by the time I left for my warehouse job.”

She sticks her head out the window and lights off with some magical fireworks, probably calling the girls back. When she looks back at you she looks thoughtful, “You don’t talk a lot about your life before you came to Equestria.”

You shrug, “It was ok, but not great. Didn’t have a lot of people I liked. My family was cool but not all that supportive. I was saving up to go to college since I didn’t want to spend half my life working off student loan debt. I had work buddies, but no real friends. To be honest? I was relieved when I came here. Sure this was all new but I felt… stuck, in my old life. Like I was working toward a goal I didn’t even want.”

”Sounds sucky.” Lyra sums up your life in one word.

You laugh a bit and wince at the headache. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it. Guess it took becoming a technical god for me to get my life together and figure out what I want.”

”And what do you want, dear?” Rarity asks.

You smile at your friend, “I want to help ponies. I want to make a difference, and I want things to be better when I leave them than when I found them, and I want to be appreciated for it, can’t forget that. I’m not doing this shit for free, yo. I want cuddles, and I want to be told at the end of the day that I did a good job.”

”Sounds like you want friends.” Twilight entered the room grinning.

You chuckle, “That’s your answer to everything, isn’t it?”

“We’ll stop usin’ it when it stops workin’.” Applejack retorts as she comes to stand by your bed. “Had us real worried there, partner.”

You wave away her concern, “I’m fi~ne, I’m fine. But I assume you’ve made a big friendship plan while I’ve been out of commission?”

”Yeah, Twilight teleports us in behind her and we blast her with the elements!” Rainbow Dash exclaims.

areyouserious.pone

“That sounds like the opposite of a friendly plan.”

”It worked on Nightmare Moon!” Twilight defends.

“She was infected with a magical dream parasite, and before that she got stuck on the moon for a thousand years.”

”It worked on Discord!”

“It turned him to stone, do you really want to do that to Cadance?”

”Erm, it worked on Sombra?”

“Literally disintegrated his body.”

Twilight puffed her cheeks out cutely, “Well if you’re so smart, mr. smartflank, what do you suggest?”

“How about we talk to her?”

”Were you not there when we tried that, Sugarcube? I c’n understand if you don’t remember because you got tossed into a wall.”

“No, I remember, and that wasn’t talking. We were making dumb action movie quips at each other and she was monologuing. It was when I hit her that things went south. I’m pretty sure that if we don’t, y’know, fight her she’s not going to fight us, that’s just not her M.O.”

”Oh, c’mon! That’s so colty! We’re not going to de-evil Cadance by talking about our feelings!” Dash was doing what you call ‘lounge flying’ up near the ceiling.

You waggled your finger at her, “Somepony clearly wasn’t paying attention. Cadance, or Decadance, whatever, basically told us what the problem is. She’s overworked, underappreciated, and she feels like she isn’t a good wife to Shining. It’s pretty clear that we have a situation where the world's best marriage counselor needs marriage counseling.”

”Bo~ring! Can’t we just beat her up? I’m better at that, and it’d be cathartic! That bitch tossed our Anon into a wall! That’s the complete opposite of awesome... Awful, awful is the opposite of awesome.”

“Thank you, Reading Rainbow, but I don’t think we’re going to be able to blast Cadance back to normal. The elements would probably just stick her on the moon or whatever celestial body represents love or something.”

Twilight ponders what celestial body that would be for a moment before shaking her head, “Well, what do you suggest then? The Elements are kind of our go-to for this sort of thing.”

You chuckle, “I dunno, Sparks. D’you think we could, like, talk her out of it?”

”I dunno, Anon, ponies don’t just stop being evil…” Twilight hedged.

“Well, it’s not like we’re on a time limit.”

”Anon,” Appljack interrupts, “We’ve dragged over a dozen mares into this here hospital for drinkin’ too much, if this goes on much longer ponies are going to either get alcohol poisoning, or they’re gonna run out of alcohol, and I don’t know which is worse.”

“Mmm, so how about this. We go back and talk with Cadance, and if we can’t convince her to at least drop this whole hedonism field she’s got going on you can blast her?”

The faces of the mares scrunch, “No offence to your ‘manliness’ Nonny, but you aren’t ever going back into that castle. Ever.” Pinkie Pie insists.

You sighed, you knew this would be a problem. “It’ll be hard to talk to her if I can’t see her.”

“You got a concussion, Anon.” Twilight goes full lecture mode, “You should consider yourself lucky it wasn’t worse, because it could have been. Cadance could have thrown you hard enough to break bones. Anon, she could have killed you, and she still might.”

“But she didn’t. Girls, if she wanted me seriously hurt or dead I would be. And remember that I hit her first.”

”Doesn’t matter.” Rarity butted in, “A lady never hits a colt! Even the royal guards don’t get hurt that often, and their job is to be on the front lines!”

“Listen, listen. I understand your misgivings, but if you’ll remember princess Celestia asked me to take Cadance’s goddesshood from her so that she and Shining can grow old together. I can’t very well do that if I’m all the way over here when she agrees to stand down.”

More nose scrunching. Mares hate it when a stallion backs them into a corner. With much cajoling and promises to stay safe and let the mares take the lead you eventually arrive back at the palace before noon. With some jostling and positioning and a false start by Rarity we’re eventually in place for your dramatic entrance. Twilight gave the signal; Pinkie and Applejack bucked the doors open with a deafening SLAM.

We strode in like badasses. Rarity and Twilight up front. Fluttershy and Rainbow above. Lyra and Bon Bon behind you.
“Decadance, I’ve come to bargain!” The effect was completely lost on the inhabitants though, as they had all been asleep until the door had slammed open. In a cuddle pile in the center of the floor were the exhausted bodies of Shining Armor and the mares that had been pleasuring him last night. On the floor in front of her throne, sleeping on a few pillows is Decadance. All the ponies in the room spook up into standing positions and dart their heads around until they are all looking at your group.

“Ahem, DECADANCE, I’VE COME TO BARGAIN!” The ponies wince, many of them holding their heads, almost all of them run out the side doors of the room. Shining just lays back down and goes back to sleep. Decadance stares at you with bags under her eyes, though it’s hard to see with the dark coat and eye liner.

”Fuck off.”

Hmm, she didn’t seem to be in a bargaining mood, but she did seem to be mentally and physically exhausted. Maybe you could steal her power now? “So you surrender?”

”Fuck… Off.” She says it slowly, like you’re an idiot. Well, she can’t stop you because you can’t read! Or, hear, or whatever. Your little group slowly approaches the irate BBEM.

“Why don’t you drop the whole ‘dionysus in pony form’ shtick Cadance, it’s not you.”

”Why don’t you just fuck right off the end of my hoof, Anon? I do what I want.”

”Hey! You can’t talk to him like that!” Rainbow attempts to ‘defend your honor.’

”Didn’t you just hear, I do what I want! Go suck a dick so you can say that you mom was wrong you fucking dyke!”

”That’s it! I’m smakin’ her!” Dash zipped at Decadance, swinging wildly, only for Decadance to grab Dash in her telekinetic grip and slam the blue speedster against the floor.

”Anypony else think they can smack me?”

Shit, mares can’t resist a challenge like that. Rarity, Twilight, and Lyra all encase Decadance in bubble shields. Then Twilight merges the three shields into a single shimmering sphere that begins to contract around Decadance. With a snarl energy radiates off Decadance, slamming into the shield around her.

WHUMPH…

WHUMPH…

WHU-CRASH

The shield flies apart and the screams of three unicorns fill the air as Twiggles, Minty, and Rarara clutch their horns. Fluttershy swoops down but before she can get her stare off she’s surrounded by a bubble of blackness. The bubble curves around until it bumps into a wall. Out of the darkness comes a quiet, “I’m ok.”

Decadance steps toward you and your earth pony guard arrays themselves in front of you. “Why can’t you just leave? I’m not even hurting anyone. I’m giving them what they want. Who are you to deny them? To deny ME?”

”We’re the ponies that are going to stop you.” Applejack looks like she’s about to charge.

“And take my power, right?” Decadance sneers at your look, “Oh don’t look so shocked, auntie’s dragonfire letters are easier to intercept than the royal post. I knew she’d send for the Elements. To be honest I though fatass over here,” She waves a hoof at Pinkie, “Would take one sniff of my aura and dive head first into a food coma to rival a dragon’s hibernation. I didn’t count on you, though, Anon.”

Decadance spits, “Take from me the power that I EARNED. The horn that I worked my ASS off for. I got here through hard work, and you’re just going to take it, like you take everything.” Her words fall into a growl, “It’s your fault. It’s Your fault. It’s. YOUR. fault…

”And now you’re here, to take the last thing I have left.”

Decadance was crying now, and her tears drew black tracks down her cheeks. “I won’t let you. I’ll kill you first.”

The three mares in front of you stiffened. No pony in their right mind, and most in their wrong mind would never even consider murder.

”Anon, you need to go, NOW!” Applejack screamed back at you before charging Decadance. It was no more ms nice mare anymore. Decadance detonated, a shockwave of air and magic pushing everyone away from her, the magic lacerating everyone in the room, including Shining Armor who had slept through everything to that point.

The throne room was filled with hisses and moans of pain. The cuts weren’t deep enough to be serious but everyone was bleeding. Decadance was crying and twitching, her head trying to turn toward Shining as he swore like a sailor. Eventually Shining’s head looked over at the group, a small cut on his nose bleeding. He looks like hell. His eyes are glazed, he pretty clearly has a massive hangover since he winces at the slightest sound.

He doesn’t say anything. You’re not even sure if he’s conscious. ”Go to our bedroom, Shiny… I’ll patch you up when I’m done with these…” Shining nods his head languidly and slowly strides out of the room. He leaves behind a drop or two of blood. Silence reigns.

Decadance is visibly shaking, trying to psyche herself up to keep fighting you. You stride forward quickly and grasp her by the horn. She stares into your eyes, terrified and broken. For a second that lasts an eternity nothing happens. And then you feel it. Her power, her Domain. You can feel it as it pulls toward you. You can almost hear the roots of it snapping as they begin detaching from Decadance.

She digs her hooves into the ground and pulls back but you hang on. After a second she stops resisting. She’s got that look, the look of the villain who’s accepted their death because they know they’re in the wrong. You smile, right genre, maybe, but wrong setting, just like you forgot earlier. You let go of her horn before her Domain can be transferred into you.
“Not today, Candy Ass. We’re going to talk. Properly, like adults. You’re going to tell me what's wrong and we’re going to work on a solution, or at least something you can do to work through whatever’s gotten you to this point.”

Decadance grimaces, “I should turn you to stone. I could, you know, autie Celestia taught me how.”

“You’re not going to, or you wouldn’t have told me that.”

There’s silence for several second, before, “I’m going to go tend to Shiny’s cuts. You can join me, or you can fuck off. I don’t care anymore.”

She trudges out of the room. You look around. All the girls are back on their feet. They’re arrayed around in such a way that they all had angles of attack if Decadance had tried to attack you. They’re all also bleeding from small cuts.
“Anyone got any bandages?”

About an hour later you’re all arrayed outside the royal bedchambers, bandaged up thanks to Fluttershy’s expertise in treating wounds. The doors open and Decadance is loafing on her bed with Shining asleep beside her. She looks up at you. “So, how are we going to do this?”

You pause. You had no idea. At this point you’d recommend that she go to a Cadenzian counselor. Doesn’t really work in this situation. "Twilight!”

”Yes?” She yelped.

“What do we do?”

Twilight.exe is processing request… ”Identify the problem!” She eventually blurts.

”I hate everything and everyone.” Decadance deadpans.

“Ow the edge.” You deadpan, “We both know that’s bullshit, Cadance. Your ‘evil’ monologue specifically said that you were overworked.”

”So I’m a bit overworked. I can handle it. Mares handle it all the time!”

“You’re trying to run a country, take care of your husband, take care of your daughter, and play matchmaker for the country that you’re running. Three out of the four of those are full time jobs. Maybe even all four since you don’t have any herd sisters to help you with your husband.”

Decadance goes fucking ballistic, “I DON’T NEED ANY FUCKING HERD SISTERS! I’M MORE THAN MARE ENOUGH FOR MY HUSBAND YOU FUCKING SLUT!”

A moment of silence. “I think we found the problem.”

Decadance’s eyes shone with fury, then with sadness, before hardening to cool stone, “Shining suggested that we try herding… I wasn’t enough for him…”

You look over at Twilight, whose eyes are wide, then at the other mares, who seem similarly shocked. “So what did you tell him?”

Decadance snarled, “I didn’t let him finish the thought. Fucking colt wanted to cuckold me, fine. I gave him everything he wanted, and more. Then I gave everypony else what they wanted too. I’m not a selfish mare, you know.”

A thought strikes you. “And where is Flurry Heart?”

The thought turns every mare's eyes in the room wide at your question. Decadance growls at you. “She’s with her grandparents in Canterlot, same as every other underage pony in the Empire. I’m a villain, not a monster, Anon.” That’s a relief.

“Well, it’s good to know that you didn’t lose your common sense when you lost your pigment.”

”I hope you’re aware that stabbing you is still an option.”

“Oh, I’m very aware.” You say as you grab a chair from Shinings makeup table, “Is this seat taken? No? Good.” You sit down. The mares in the room bar one arrange themselves in seated positions around and in front of you.

“So I don’t suppose you can tell me WHY Shining Armor, the most devout Cadenzian I know besides you, would suggest herding.”

”Why does any stallion want extra mares? Because the mare they have isn’t enough for them, doesn’t love them enough, doesn’t care for them enough. Isn’t good enough…”

You snort, “I know you don’t believe those horseapples. I bet AJ here can smell it.” You nudge orange poner with your foot.

”Don’t you bring me inta this. This is stallion business, We’re just here ta keep you safe, Sugarcube.”

You roll your eyes as Decadance answers you, “I can believe whatever I want, and it doesn’t matter besides. I gave him what he wanted. I gave the entire empire what they wanted. Before, I wasn’t enough, now I am.”

You sit in silence for a moment, just absorbing how stupid what she just said was. “You ARE aware that you’ve not achieved literally ANY of your goals, right?” Decadance twitched.

“Your Empire is in shambles with ponies puking their guts out in the streets. To the point where dozens of them are currently in the hospital for nearly getting to the point of alcohol poisoning. You’ve completely dropped the matchmaker business, considering everyone is fucking and no one is dating. You sent Flurry Heart away, so good luck being a good mom, and Shining is drugged out of his mind on your weird aura. Which reminds me, why aren’t we affected by that weird aura?”

All the mares around you look at you like you’re an idiot. Twilight turns to you with an exasperated sigh, “Anon, we went over this on the way here, that pin you’re wearing creates a field of energy that interrupts magical effects that target the mind! We developed it after Cadance’s wedding to stop changelings from replacing people!”

You look down at the little amethyst gemstone pinned to your shirt, “Oh!... I wasn’t paying attention.”

Every mare in the room started grumbling about idiot stallions. Well, at least they’re all agreeing on something.
You try to get back on track, “So, you see, this whole ‘turning into an embodiment of hedonism’ thing isn’t really working for you.”

Decadance stares into your eyes for a moment, then she looks over at Shining. “I still have my husband with me. He gets what he wants and I get to keep his heart all to myself.” Her eyes pierce yours, “That is enough.”

You breathed in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Of course she wasn’t going to be reasonable. Of course she wasn’t just going to go: you’re right Anon, I’ll stop being evil now. Time to pull out the big guns. ”Cadance, if you don’t drop your ‘fuck me hard’ aura I’m going to go back to Canterlot, tell Celestia what you did, and have her take Flurry Heart away from you.”

Rage, sudden and potent, flashes across her face. You dart forward and slap Decadance hard across the face. Not as hard as that pimp slap earlier, but hard enough for it to sting your palm. “You already sent her away.” You hiss, “You KNOW that she shouldn’t be around you when you’re like this. So you’re going to be a reasonable mare and QUIT BEING A LITTLE BITCH and you’re going to drop the aura, let Shining go from whatever magic he’s under, and we’re going to TALK about this like REASONABLE ADULTS! DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?”

There were tears in Decadance’s eyes, but she nodded slowly. Behind you you heard the mares say, “Unf.” Which really took away from the moment of your triumph, but that’s ok.

After that you really didn’t have to do much. Twilight announced a minute later that Decadence's aura had disappeared. Some of the mares were fidgeting, and you were eventually able to convince them to leave you with only two guards while the rest went out to help the ponies in the city.

Shining slowly came back to his senses, and he and Cadance began to talk. Well, they began to argue. Shining was hysterical, as you would expect after being mind controlled and fucked stupid by five mares while hanging in the air. Decadance still thought that he was trying to replace her, or taint their love or whatever. Shining is eventually able to convince her that he was just worried about her. There just isn’t enough time in the day to be a prince, a father, and a guard captain. He needed help, and he could see that she needed help. The solution seemed obvious, a herd sister or two would provide the emotional and physical support they both needed.

Decadance breaks down in his forlegs, telling him about her insecurities and fears as well as how she’ll outlive him and their daughter, and how she wants to do everything she can while they’re still in her life. He reassures her that she’ll always be marely enough for him. How she’s not only not inadequate as a wife but a hundred times better than any marefriend he’s ever had. (which is just the one back in highschool, but it’s the thought that counts.)

You’re pretty sure that everything is all over except the credits rolling, but you stick around just in case. Eventually, in the waning light of day, Decadance approaches you. “So, did you sort things out?”

Decadance nods, “I think we’re going to be ok.”

“Still look evil, though.”

Another nod, “I think we both know what has to happen next. I fell from grace.” She shakes her head, “And even if I hadn’t… I never wanted this. I’m a small town matchmaker and fate decided to make me a goddess. I don’t want to be responsible for everypony else’s happiness. I can barely keep my own heart together. I think I’m done with this, Anon. Take it from me, please?”

Decadance reaches out her hoof, holding it up like her Goddesshood sits in her frog. Slowly, you reach out. Godhood. You’d have power. Magic, like your little ponies. Immortality. You use your fingers to roll her hoof backwards, like you would if you were closing someone’s fingers around the thing they were offering you. The gesture doesn’t translate well and Decadance looks confused. “I don’t want to be a god any more than you do. Maybe… Maybe there’s some way to share it?”

Decadance chuckles, “We can try.”

A light fills the room, its center the point where the two of you are connected and spreading through your bodies. You feel the power again. By now its roots in Decadance are almost non-existent, and the last few fall away. There, between you is the power of the God of Love, and like mitosis it slowly stretches out, the deeper light in the center splitting and pulling apart, until where there was once one great light and two beings of light there are now two beings of light into which two smaller lights flow.

The power settles over the two of you like a mantle, a mantle that you know instinctively can be passed on. No need for immortality, and it comes with a built in counter in that there are two of you. When the light fades the two of you are changed. In front of you sits a pretty pink pegasus. Sure, her coat is still a bit darker, and her mane and tail have streaks of deeper colour and her magenta eyes have a tiny corona of blood red, but it’s Cadance, not Decadance. When you look in a mirror you see that your hair and skin shine healthier than they ever have before. You smile, friendship is magic, after all.

You spend the next week helping put the Empire back together. Nopony died, thank the stars, but many had to be hospitalized or put into therapy. There was even talk of just memory wiping everyone so that they forgot what they did, but it was decided that that option would be used on a case by case basis.

Eventually you and your mares were on the train home. ”Well, the only thing that’s left is a friendship report to finalize everything.” Twilight smiled up at you, a quill and scroll in her magic.

You sigh, “Really, Twilight?”

She beams, “Really really, it’s on the checklist and everything!”

“Fine… uhhh… Talk about your problems?”

Twilight scrunches, “You can do better than that.”

“Hmmm… Ask for help?”

”Already got that one.”

”Bullshit, if it being new was a criteria then Fluttershy would only have one lesson!”

”H-hey!” Fluttershy interjects, before continuing softly, “I don’t need to re-learn it every time… I just need to be reminded, is all.”

”You could always do what I did when I couldn't think of a lesson and just say ya didn’t learn nothin’.” Applejack adds and you laugh.

“You can do that?”

”Princess Celestia ain’t never chewed me out for it like my granny woulda, that’s fer sure.”

“Haha, ok, let’s do that.

“Dear Princess Celestia,
“I didn’t learn shit because I’m the best. Fuck you, raise the sun later in the day,
"Anon!”

Twilight gives you an indignant stare, “I’m not writing that. C’mon, there has to be a friendship lesson here somewhere.”
“Twi, there’s half a dozen friendship lessons in here. Don’t take on more work than you can handle. Talk to your friends and spouse about your feelings and problems. Take vacations and time for yourself. Listen to your friends and spouse, especially when they say something that makes you mad because they probably aren’t trying to hurt you. If you ARE angry, think about why and ask yourself if you know for sure if the thing that’s making you made is actually TRUE and not something you came up with yourself. I’m sure there’s more.”

Twilight finishes writing. “Good enough for me. I’ll get off in Canterlot and take this one to her myself, I haven’t visited in a long time.”

You smile and lay back on your bench. You were once a simple man with a simple job. Then you came to Equestria and tried to stay that way. The universe and these little marshmallow horses had other plans, so you became a priest, and then a god. Now you have real power, and a drive to help them as they have helped you to find a place among them.

Life is good, and it’ll get better from here.

You smile in a way you never could have before, and the power of love flows through you.

Author's Note

There could theoretically be more added to this. I had an idea where the Mantle of Love gave Anon the ability to impregnate mares and in the celebratory orgy he gets all of the Sisters pregnant and has to deal with that, but I’m done with this one and want to move onto the next short story. If any other author wants it, go nuts, it’s all yours.

I try to put a lot of thought and work into my stories and seeing reactions/criticisms help me get better and motivate me to write more.

Heck, what I would really want would be for someone to come along and be like: "Hey, I liked this part (they quote some part here) but I would have written it like this: (then they rewrite part of my story to be better)"