Twilight Sparkle, I'm Playing Sixes IV, Volume 6: From Beef to the Frags of Fatness

by toxiconym

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Team Fortress, Comedy, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1167

Rainbow Dash, notorious Highlander sandbagger, tries her hoof at leading an amateur TF2 competitive sixes team.

To the disappointment of many, Rainbow Dash has sandbagged in Highlander pugs for years. Deciding enough is enough, Highlander staff executive Micahpone banishes Rainbow Dash to the forbidden realms of Sixes: Gullywash, Metalworks, Product, and more. Heartbroken, Rainbow Dash turns to the battered lands of LFT to find a place to redeem herself.

If Rainbow Dash is to reclaim her reputation as the greatest pyro in the history of RGL to exclusively airblast snipers off the edge of Upward, she'll need to hit the ground running and make her own sixes team. Will Rainbow be able to win her first season of Invite? Or will she let herself succumb to emo music and fervent stagnation?

It's all in her hooves. Or is that the Jug?

Published 2021-06-11 19:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-06-11 19:30:00 UTC

Surprise! I'm from Highlander, everyone has one brain.

"This can't be happening!" Rainbow cried out, squinting at the big, brown letters on her computer screen.

Pony is under probation.

This pony is currently under probation. This means that any punishment from the league will result in more severe consequences.

"Ugh, that pain in the flank Micahpone must have done this. I knew she'd never let me get away with running the jetpack in pugs!"

"You ran the jetpack in pugs, really?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, and I destroyed that edgy spy main kid! What was his name? Universe? Nebula? Something stupid and space-themed."

"You know it's against the rules, Dash. And besides, I know you're very competitive, but aren't you a little too good for those pugs? Those kids are just trying to learn how to play the game."

"No pain, no gain." Dash rocked in her chair. "I was doing them a favor. How'd you think I got to where I am?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh... because I totally learned how to do magic by getting my flank whooped in ritual combat against the princess at the ripe age of 2. It had nothing to do with my intense practice regiment, daily studies, or phenomenal organizational skills."

"Exactly!" Dash exclaimed, slamming her hoof on the desk. "These kids think playing against other babies will make them good. I mean, come on!"

Twilight sighed. "Dash, calm down. Not everypony's as competitively-minded as you are. Have you ever thought that maybe they were just trying to have fun?"

"Yeah, sure, but they're playing the way they want to play, so why can't I?"

"Because it's actively detrimental to their playing experience?"

"That's impossible. No one would refuse a chance to play against me."

"Uh-huh..." Twilight stared at Rainbow's screen. "And that's why Highlander staff leader Micahpone banned you? Because the other ponies couldn't get enough of you?"

"Yeah..." Rainbow continued rocking in her chair. "Oh, look, Twilight! Micahpone just sent me a message on Chrysalis."

Her mouse clicked open Chrysalis, the VoIP, instant messaging and digital distribution platform designed for creating communities. A red bubble with Micahpone's avatar on it popped up. "Hey Rainbow," Rainbow read aloud, "you need to stop with the sandbagging. I told you in voice to relax and its just not getting through to you."

"Who does this mare think she is?"

"Keep reading, Rainbow."

"Ugh..."

"I'm removing you from the pug group and banning you from Highlander. We would be happy to accept you back once you've proven ur attitude has improved. Why don't you try playing some Sixes?"

"That's it? She wants me to play 6v6? But it's so stalematey and slow!"

Twilight nodded her head. "It takes a lot more discipline to play that gamemode, Dash. There are consequences to every push. You could lose the round based off of one decision. If you play slow and capture the points one by one, you'll be more likely to win, especially on those chokier maps like Gullywash. Do you reallly think you can handle- Oh Sweet Celestia."

"I'M GOING DEEP!" Rainbow shrilled at the top of her tiny pony lungs, whipping out the market gardener and killing the opposing team's medic for the seventh time. "Hahaaa! Rainbow Dash rules, baby. Airstrafe market garden eeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiight!"

"Dash, you can't just jump at the enemy medic like that! It won't work against a disciplined team like Ponytech! If you don't curb your bad habits right now, you'll never learn how to properly play your role!"

"Yeah, sure, Twilight. See you at LAN!" Rainbow closes her laptop and flies off.

Months went by. Rainbow spent her time sandbagging in sixes scrims and blowing her teammates off. Eventually, it was time to meet up at the LAN center. Here Dash met up with Twilight once again.

"Hey Twi, here to catch my big game?"

"Of course, Dash. I'll always support my friends. And... I need to make sure you won't threaten anypony."

"What? Why would I do that?"

"Well... it's no secret your team refuses to scrim Ponytech, Rainbow. Do you really think you'll come out of this with the "dub" in hand?"

"I'm offended you'd even ask, Twily. Just you wait."

And so she waited. And waited. Finally, it was time for the match. A clean game of Sunshine would lift Rainbow's spirits. It was her favorite map. Easy to go deep, lots of viable midfight strategies, and...

"I DONT UNDERSTAND, WHY DID YOU DROP ME WITH THAT UBER?" Rainbow screamed over the headset.

"Dash, we weren't ready to push!" Replied legendary medic Shades. "Our Demoman was reloading his stickies, and our scouts were busy fighting a losing battle against legendary roamer Blaize. If we had just rotated our heals..."

"What are you talking about? You Europeans don't understand our awesome skills. Just destroy them!"

"Dash, you fed AGAIN!"

"Chill out! Just regroup and wait for me to respawn, and -"

"No, Dash! You are literally feeding. It's so bucking simple!"

"I'm literally not! I'm carrying!"

"That's just wrong! You're cut, okay? You're cut. Right now. Leave."

"Are you joking? We're in the middle of LAN, we're -"

"Get out!"

Rainbow screamed, arching her back before being enveloped in a feint purple glow. With a pop she reappeared in her bed, kicking her nightstand into the clouds. "TWILIGHT!"

She groaned, closing her eyes. "I lost, Twilight."

"I know, I know. It's okay, Rainbow." Twilight stood before her friend. "I was saving this spell for an occasion like this. I hope you've learned your lesson, Rainbow."

She closed her eyes, concentrating. Rainbow's ears perked up and she turned to look at her friend. "What are you doing?"

"A little time trick." She winked. "Good luck! You're gonna need it."

"What's going on?" Rainbow cried out, black colors swirling her vision. "Twilight, this isn't funny! Knock it off!"

"It's for your own good, Rainbow! I promise this won't hurt you. Try to sit still."

She did anything but. Rainbow tried flying away from Twilight's grasp. She jerked and pushed against the barrier, but it was no use. Soon, nothing but black flooded her eyes. In the vast serenity of her profound speculation, Rainbow woke up.

Before her a symbol of great power appeared. A work of white spirals materialized before her. Unbeknownst to her, this was the key. It pulsated softly before fading away, its impression fresh on her mind as she fell back to sleep.

...

"You ran the jetpack in pugs, really?" Twilight asked.

Rainbow opened her eyes. She was back in her room, sitting at her desk. Twilight stood next to her. Rainbow looked at the date on her laptop, and it was confirmed. This was her second chance. The redemption arc was underway.

"Rainbow?" Twilight looked at her friend. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah..." her eyes looking to the side. "It's just... I think I know what I must do."

"You do?" Twilight smiled.

"Yeah! Come on, Twilight. It's time to hit the jug."