My Little Pony : Bloopers are Magicby CitreneSkysChaptersBloopers are Magic : Part 1Bloopers are Magic : Part 2Ticket DisasterApple *BEEP* SeasonBloopers are Magic : Part 1“Is Twilight ready for her first scene?” “No! This scrapbook opening you guys want isn’t finished.” “Well, get on with it!” “You hear that, Twilight?” Spike gave the working unicorn a sarcastic tone. “Scrapbook faster!” The purple pony sighed, gluing yet another magazine sheet to the inner page. “I’m trying, but some ponies just don’t want to help.” “One fateful day, the younger unicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for dawn,” Celestia said into the mic, watching as the already recorded scene play out in front of her. “The elder sister tried to reason with her- wait.” The alicorn paused the video, squinting at the scene. “What is it?” a director responded to Celestia’s sudden stop. “What’s up with the art style here? Why are my eyes so big, yet Luna seems to have a more proportioned eyes style? What’s up with the leg? Why do I look like I’m on drugs?” An exasperated huff sounded from the other end of the recording room. “Thanks, your highness,” Twilight muttered. “There you are, Twilight!” Twinkle Shine exclaimed, her focus directed at the purple unicorn. Twilight snorted. “Ah yes, hello friends which I didn’t learn the names of.” “Cut!” A voice halted the operation. “Twilight was that really necessary?” The actress chortled. “Sorry. The script didn’t even bother to put her name.” The pink-maned mare blinked, pulling her script out. “Wait, it didn’t?” “Okay, ready...action!” The clapboard went off, starting the recording of the next scene. Spike walks across the screen, holding a red gift box in hand. He was a few centimeters too close to the door, sending him flying when they abruptly opened. “Spi—oh gosh,” Twilight prematurely stopped her line. The small dragon rubbed his nose, and the unicorn went to check up on him. “Wasn’t...part of the script,” he muttered as he was helped to his feet. “Alright, let’s try this again,” the director called from somewhere off-screen. The actors repositioned themselves. “Annnd...take two!” The clapboard clamped down again. The dragon, once again, walked in to frame, this time further from the door. Twilight burst through the door. “Spike! I need you to find me that old copy of ‘Prediction and Prophecies,’” the unicorn ordered, running past the scaled being. Off-camera, the director and the staff could be heard muttering to themselves, which caught the ear of the actress on set. “Did I say the line wrong?” “No, just that we think that slapstick with Spike was funnier,” one said. The director cleared his throat. “Just wait a moment, I think we are going to make an edit to the script.” Spike groaned, facepalming. Twilight gasped. “Spike! Do you know what this means?” The dragon looked down from his place on the latter, looking uncertain as the ladder began to wobble. “No—wHOA!” On cue, the ladder tipped back, send the draconic creature falling from the height. The intent was so Twilight could catch Spike mid-fall, but the unicorn hadn’t had the time to walk to the right spot. Instead, he faceplanted right to the ground. “Ow,” he muttered. Twilight winced, helping him up. “Sorry!” Spike also winced, rubbing his head. “Can we try that again?” Twilight babbled on her letter, Spike taking note of everything she said. “—We are on the precipice of disaster.” Spike raised his head. “What?” Twilight glanced back. “Precipice.” He looked back at the letter. “Preci...preci...” he sounded out the letters but never did figure out how to spell it. It sent the crew behind the scenes in a giggling fit. “Ok, cut!” the director laughed a bit, a rustling of paper could be heard. “We’ll give you time to figure that word out.” Spike sighed. “Pre...ci...pate? No that isn’t right...” “Can you spell ‘threshold’?” Twilight piped. “Thre...” he looked up with a nervous expression. Twilight tapped her chin. “Uh, ‘brink’, perhaps?” He brightened. “Oh yeah, I know how to spell brink-“ “No you don’t!” someone off-screen exclaimed. He bristled, looking to the camera crew. “Yes, I can! It’s b-r-i-“ “We are changing the script!” another one called. “It’s just part of your character now.” Spike glared at the camera. “Twilight...Spar...kle!” Spike exclaimed as he finished the letter. “Got it!” Twilight gave a smile. “Great. Send it.” “Now?” “Of course.” Spike had an unsure expression. “Uh, I don’t know, Twilight. Princess Celestia’s a little busy getting ready for the Summer Sun Celebre-“ he stopped, gears turning in his head. He restarted. “Princess Celestia’s a little busy getting ready for the Sunner Sun Celebra-“ Spike grumbled slightly. He took out his script, ignoring the laughter he could hear from the staff. “What is this line? Summer Sun Celebe—Summer Sum— Sunner Sum—ugh!” He frowned as the crew and his fellow actor chuckled. “You try saying it ten times fast!” “Soooo, since we are practically done with this place,” Twilight gestured up to the spire, “what are we going to do with it?” “Leave it a mess,” replied the director. “I—what?” “You see, we are going to need this in a few seasons, and we want to make the place as authentically aged as possible.” “But—the dust! Cobwebs! Roaches...” The director chuckled. “Exactly.” “I’ll check on the preparations as fast as I can, then get to the library to find some proof of Nightmare Moon’s return,” Twilight's smirk quickly became a thoughtful frown. Spike lidded his eyes. “Then when will you make friends like the Princess said?” “She said to check in the preparations,” she answered confidently. “I am her student, and I’ll do my royal duty, but the fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends.” The pegasus chariot softly landed on the ground. Both of them slid out before Twilight turned to look at the camera. “You see kids, this is what they call...foreshadowing,” she jazzed her hooves. Spike and camera pony laughed. “Cut!” the mare behind the camera chortled out. “Twilight, you were doing so well!” “Sorry, that was too good to pass up!” The laughs diminished. The mare sighed, “Well, I guess we can always cut the last part out.” “Now, why don’t I introduce y’all to the Apple family?” Applejack offered in a high voice, not waiting to hear Twilight’s answer. Her hoof flew out, and plenty of bright, fruity color ponies came into view. Then orange mare sighed. “Most of them are strangers that we picked off the side of the road. Followed us back with the promise of food.” A moment of silence, and then Twilight and Spike giggled. That giggle became a burst of laughter. Behind the camera, the director mumbled, “She’s not wrong.” “Hm, there’s supposed to be a pegasus pony named Rainbow Dash clearing the clouds,” Spike recalled, looking up to the sky. Twilight looked up as well, noting the cloudy weather. “Well, she’s not doing a very good job, is she?” That was the cue for the pegasus to show up. They waited, but nothing came of it. “Uh,” Twilight started, peering over to the right. “Rainbow? That’s your cue.” No answer. “Hey, where’s Rainbow Dash?” someone off-screen yelled, to which a smokey voice answered. “Her hair dye session is taking longer than expected, give us one more hour and we’ll be ready.” A collective sigh filled the room. “Action!” Twilight tore her gaze from the clouds. “Well, she’s not doing a very good job, is sh— fUCK!” The unicorn cursed as she was practically flung offset as a rainbow flash tackled into her. The camera turned to follow the movement. In front of them was a two-mare stack pile, groaning. Rainbow spoke from atop the pile, grimacing. “I...think I broke my wing...” Twilight grumbled. “I think you broke my everything.” “Wait, I’m attracted to Rarity?” Spike asked the director, pointing the mare as she readied her position. The director nodded, to which the dragon stuck his tongue out. “Ew!” he complained. “My character is in adolescence! That’s like having a crush on the school...nurse...” The director chuckled, pushing the dragon on set. “Exactly right, thank you for your observation.” Spike held his head in his hand. “I feel like this is a personal attack on me.” “Now go own, my dear,” Rarity coerced, “You were telling me where you’re from.” She then pulled on the lace strings that held the corset in place, tightening it. Twilight eyes grew wide. “I’ve...egh...been sent...can’t breathe!” she hoarsely whispered. “Hm?” The corset’s strings snapped, the entire outfit falling to pieces. The victim unicorn gasped for air. “Cut! Rarity, don’t pull that hard next time.” “Oops, my bad,” she apologized, laughing nervously. “Alright, Birdabelle,” Fluttershy cooed to one of the birds. It was a jaybird, and it was perched atop one of the branches. “Do you know how to sing?” The jay seemed shy, burying in it’s feathers. She waited patiently as the bird slowly shook it’s head. She nodded. “Good, sing as horribly as you’d like!” “You know how to say your lines?” Applejack asked as she helped the pegasus stepped into the camera viewing range. “Definitely!” Fluttershy answered back, turning to face the tree. The birds gathered onto the stray branches, waiting for their time to shine. “All I have to do is act like I have crippling social anxiety, which shouldn’t be hard since I already have crippling social anxiety!” A pained laugh filled the air, and Applejack shot the off-camera director a look of concern. The party horns have gone off. “Surprise!” Pinkie exclaimed, all up in Twilight’s space. “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie, and I threw this party just for you.” She started bouncing up and down all around the unicorn. “Were you surprised? We’re you? We’re you?” She laughed. Twilight gave an uncomfortable tone. “Very surprised.” Then she frowned. “Library’s are supposed to be quiet, Miss Pie.” “That’s silly!” Pinkie smiled, pushing her face closer. “What kind of welcome party would this be if it were quiet? I mean, duh! Borrringgg!” Twilight began to walk away, but the pink pony wouldn’t stop following her. “You see, I saw you when you first got here, remember? You were all, ‘hello’, and I was all—“ Pinkie meant to gasp, in a similar fashion to her first line interacting with Twilight. Instead, she began coughing and sputtering, hacking up a lung. “Cut! Someone get Pinkie some water.” A griffon walked onto the set, passing a cup of water to the dying mare. She grabbed it gratefully, chugging it down quickly. Once her coughing fit was over, she looked over to the cameras. “Sorry, doing this voice at this frequency is hell on my throat. I blame you if I lose my voice for the week.” Pinkie poured the hot sauce onto the nearby cupcake, drenching it in Red Hot. Just as quickly, she stuffed the flaming cupcake in her mouth. All around, the other ponies gave her weird looks. “What? This is good.” “Aaaand...cut!” the director announced. “You did good, Pinkie Pie.” “Thanks.” The pink pony’s face began to turn red, sweating profusely. “N-now, can someone get me s-some milk? “As mayor of Ponyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebrrration!” As the cheering sounded from the crowd, Mayor Mare looked up slightly. “Yes, I rolled the r perfectly!” Luna looked over her script, a showing of disappointment on her face. “I sound like a generic saturday morning cartoon villain.” A sound producer looked over his shoulder, buzzing his wings. “Well, this show runs on Saturday, and you are playing the villain. Is it really any surprise?” A moment of silence. “...Bastard.” “Language. This is a children’s show.” In a burst of blue smoke, the blue alicorn appeared on the platform. Wings unfurled at her sides, and she grinned. “Oh, my beloved subjects—” she started, which was immediately cut off as a clapboard went off. “Huh?” “Agh, hey! The clapboard is not a plaything! Go wait over there with the rest of the children.” “Aww,” a filly’s voice grumbled off-screen. Luna blinked. “Uh, do I keep going?” “We can try again,” the director replied. Luna nodded, retreating out of view once more. “Okay...action!” Once again, animated blue smoke filled the platform, and in the center, Luna appeared, her wings unfurled. “Oh, my beloved subjects,” she addressed. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen your precious little sun-loving fasessshit.” A small round of laughter filled the room. The director sighed. “Okay, just one more take.” “So how will you make me look more...I dunno, villainous?” Luna asked, looking down at the concept papers. “Some combination between video editing and sleep deprivation.” “Oh dear.” “So, I don’t even make an appearance?” Celestia asked, finishing her recording. An editor shook her head. “Sorry Celestia, but you aren’t needed until the next episode.” “And for how long?” The pegasus shrugged. “The latter half of it, I think.” The white alicorn sighed. “Go figure.” Author's Note June 12, 2021 I’m toying with some ideas. But right now, this is just a bunch of actor that are making MLP. Siblings in show might not be related to each other at all, or some have a differencing appearances that is just covered due to ✨movie magic✨ I don’t know if I’ll give production crew any names or make them background characters, but we’ll see how this goes! Also, comedy is kinda not my strong suit since my sense of humor is a bit dark, but I’m going to try my best to keep this lighthearted, mostly. Bloopers are Magic : Part 2Luna waved her hoof, fanning herself in the hot recording room. “Do you guys have any fans in here?” “Nope,” a staff replied, rustling papers. “Fans create noise, and that could get into the audio recordings.” “Fair, I supposed,” she muttered. “Though, but if I’m just practicing my evil laughs, why do I need to be in here?” “There is soundproofing padding in the walls,” the staff answered in a matter-of-fact tone. “You can be as weird as to want to, and no one would hear it.” “No one, huh?” she smiled smugly, rubbing her hooves together. The griffon in front of her frowned. “No screaming.” “Well, that’s just no fun.” “Come back here!” The camera followed Rainbow’s movements as she tried to follow after the cloudy smoke. Unfortunately for her, the pegasus wasn’t able to keep with the animated essence. She panted, looking worried. “Nighttime…forever?” Then she paused. “That’s a really weird line. Why did you guys write that?” “Because….” the director's voice tried to explain, but didn’t have the words to describe it. When Rainbow shot a weird look, he sighed. “Just…follow along with the script, please?” A sigh answered. “Alright, but when the script is weird, I’m calling it out. Spike laid the bed basket, twitching. He abruptly got, looking drowsy. “…we got to stop Nightmare…!” he started, before collapsing back onto his pillow. Twilight smiled, throwing a blanket onto him. “You’ve been up all night, Spike,” she whispered lovingly. “You are a baby dragon, after all.” The unicorn walked away, turning off the lights. Just when the scene was about to end, a loud crash could be heard. “Ow!” Twilight’s voice groaned. The dragon opened his eyes. “What happened?” “The stairs are slippery!” she complained off-camera. “Who’s water spilled?” A nervous laugh came from behind the camera, and Spike glared directly at it. “Elements, elements, elements. Ugh!” Twilight fretted as she trashed the library. She levitated one book after another, flipping through them quickly. “How can I stop Nightmare Moon without the Elements of Harmony?” Rainbow came flying into the scene, pressing her face close to the unicorn. “And just what are the Elements of Harmony?” she growled. “How did you get into my house?” Rainbow ignored the joke line. “And how did you know about Nightmare Moon, huh?” She began the back Twilight into the corner. “Are you a spy?” Her accusation was pulled back Applejack entered the scene. “Simmer down, Sally,” she said. “She ain’t a spy.” Then her gaze turned to Twilight Sparkle. “But she sure knows what going on. Don’t you, Twilight?” The five actresses walked closer to the unicorn in uncomfortable silence. She blinked, before a strained smile curved her face. “You guys are very creepy.” “…it is said the last-know location of the five elements was in the Ancient Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters,” Twilight finished her line, waiting in silence as the camera stopped recording. She smiled and sighed before Pinkie approached her. “Nice work, Twilight,” she complimented. “That was perfect on the first try! How did you do it?” Twilight snorted. “Oh, I just glued my script to the page.” She showed the earth pony her secret. “See?” Pinkie stared. “...how did you do that without being caught?” “Action!” The clapboard went off. Twilight started her very short sentence. “It is located in what is now…” “Stop! Stay as still as possibly can,” the director ordered. The actresses did so, hearing the clamor of equipment being moved around behind them. Despite wanting to see what was happening, they stayed put. “Woah,” Rainbow muttered absentmindedly as magic levitated them into the air. They floated a couple of inches off of the ground, shuffling out of the library and onto the streets. They were moved carefully, not even daring to twitch their legs as they dangled. Coming closer to a heavily wooded area, the actresses descended to the ground, planting them in their exact positions. Even more shuffling and loud crashes sounded, which made Twilight hold her breath. “Okay, ready….” The clapboard went off again. “Continue!” “Wee! Let’s go!” Pinkie exclaimed, about the bounce off into the forest. “Not so fast,” Twilight interrupted her before she could go very far. The camera zoomed in on her face. “Look, I appreciate the offer, but I’d rather do this on my own.” Applejack walked into frame. “No can do, sugar cube. We ain’t letting a friend of ours go into that creepy place alone,” she protested, not seeing the unicorn’s skewed face. “We’re sticking to you like candy on a caramel apple,” she said, before halting in her tracks. “ I mean, caramel on a candy apple…dammit! I almost had it.” The girls giggled while she grumbled. “It’s not that hard! Why?” The video shook as a voice spoke from behind the camera. “If it means anything, I didn’t notice the mess up!” “Ready, set, action!” On cue, they started to walk through the forest, the camera following their movements. “So, none of you have been in here before?” both Fluttershy and Twilight whispered at the same time, to which they glanced at each other. “That’s my line,” they both said in unison. The actresses turned their heads to someone off-camera, a waiting expression on their faces. A distant voice replied. “On this script, it says Twilight. What about everyone else’s?” All the girls took out their copy of the script, giving various answers. “Mine says ‘Fluttershy’.” “‘Twilight’.” “‘Twishy’…” “Why does it say ‘Koolaid’?” “Okay, who’s the troll who did this?” the director's voice yelled, to which a laugh could be heard in the distance. “KEVIN!” Rainbow reread her script as they set up onto the next scene. “No pony knows,” she whispered in a melodramatic voice. “Every pony who’s ever come in…has never come OUT!” She shouted the last part, startling everyone else around her. Beside her, Applejack jabbed her ribs, asking out loud, “Is that line appropriate for children?” “Death joke? In a show for kids?” Rainbow clarified. She then shrugged. “More likely than you’d think.” “Applejack, what do I do?” Twilight asked in a panicked voice, her legs scrabbling against the sharp ledge. Applejack stayed silent before looking up momentarily. “Let go.” The unicorn frowned. “Are you crazy?” The earth pony chuckled. “Very much so, but that’s not the point.” “Cut!” the director yelled offscreen. “What?” she blinked innocently. “I’m supposed to be honest, am I not?” Fluttershy and Rainbow caught the falling unicorn in midair, hovering off the ground. Twilight looked at both of them, before sighing. “Phew.” Then she slipped. “AAH!” she screamed once more, the camera following the fall as she bellyflopped to the rocky ground. “Oof!” Behind the videocamera, a voice could be heard grimacing. “Maybe we should have some suspension wires as a backup…” “Aww, what’s his name?” Fluttershy asked as she stroked the manticore’s name. The hybrid creature yawned, snuggling under her chin. “Roarington The First,” the Kirin replied, smiling. “It’s odd. You’re the first he’s ever been openly affectionate with. “Ha!” Rainbow came barreling in, nudging her fellow actress with her wing. “First one, huh? At the rate you’re going, Fluttershy, you might just become a Disney Princess!” “Three, two, one, action!” As soon as the clapboard went off, Roarington went straight for Rarity with a roar and a growl. The unicorn dodged, bucking the manticore in the face. “Take that, you ruffian!” she taunted. He responded with a spit-ridden shriek, which made the unicorn hair puff out and tangle significantly. “My hair!” she whined, touching the frizzy mess. Roarington bellowed, which sent the unicorn running in the opposite direction. The camera followed as she ran past Fluttershy, and the pegasus could be heard quietly whispering, “Wait.” This went unnoticed as Applejack leaped into the fray, wrangling the manticore. “Yee-haw! Get along, little doggy!” she yelled as the hybrid creature rolled around, trying to get her off. When he finally dislodged her, Applejack came soaring near Rainbow Dash. “All yours, partner.” She tipped her hat. “I ship it!” Pinkie's voice echoed, which halted the operation. “What?” the pegasus questioned, looking towards the left. Offscreen, the actress's voice laughed. “Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” The pink mare walked into camera range, shooting an apologetic look. Then that look became a smirk. “But you can’t tell me I’m wrong.” Fluttershy laughed a little as she brushed out Rarity’s mane. “I’m very sorry about your hair. You sure you won’t be too devastated by it?” The unicorn sighed. “No, I’m not that attached to it.” She levitated a plastic cylinder towards her, unscrewing the cap. “It just a little annoying. You want to know how many bottles and gel I had to use to get my hair like that?” “No,” Fluttershy answered bluntly. “Three packs!” she exclaimed anyway. “You know how much money that costed me?” Rarity shuddered as they continued to walk through the forest. “My eyes need a rest from all this icky muck,” she complained. As intended, the actresses passed under a dark canopy, blocking out the moonlight. She muttered, “Well I didn’t mean that literally.” “That ancient ruin could be right in front of our faces and we wouldn’t even know it!” Twilight said, her voice pitching up slightly. “Forget the ruin!” Rainbow seemed on edge. “What if there was a cliff? We’d be plummeting to our deaths in that case.” “Cut!” the director’s voice called. “Rainbow, we can’t say ‘death’ on a kids' show.” The actress screamed as scary-faced trees appeared all around them, backing themselves into a corner. All of them except Pinkie Pie, who seemed to not take it very seriously. “Ha!” she laughed, making faces to imitate the trees. “Bleh! Ooh! Hehahaha!” “Pinkie, what are you doing?” Twilight exclaimed. “Run!” The pink pony turned to look at the unicorn, frowning. “Yeah, because running is definitely what you’re doing right now.” “This is the recording room, Miss Pinkie Pie,” a changeling welcomed. The actress stepped into the soundproof room, looking around. “I see. It’s a bit duller than I expected.” The changeling shrugged. “We don’t have the budget to upgrade this room, so make do with what you have.” Pinkie stepped near the microphone, tapping on the head. The sound replayed back at her at full volume, which was torture on her ears. The changeling was barely affected. “You need to plug in your headphones, else it’ll play through the speakers.” “Would be nice if you told me that earlier.” “Giggle at the ghostie!” Pinkie sang, hyping performance up. “Guffaw at the gr…gross..ly,” she struggled as the instrumental went on. “Gro…sssss…ly. Grossly. That doesn’t sound like a word. Hold on.” She read the lyrics once more. “Guffaw at the grossly. Crack up at the creepy. Whoop it up—‘whoop it up’? That’s a phrase? Why have I never heard of that?” Pausing the music momentarily, she tried to understand the song. “Did you guys use thesaurus.com for this?” “Hello,” one of the sound producers greeted. “Steven Magnet, right?” “That’s me!” the serpent said, splashing around in the lake. “Honestly, I’m quite excited about this. This is the first time I’ve ever been on a show.” “Yes yes,” she waved her hoof. “Excuse me for being upfront, but I’m curious. How does one name their child ‘Steven Magnet’?” “Mother was drunk when she named me,” he answered nonchalantly. “Ah. That makes sense.” “…All ruined without your beautiful mustache,” Rarity finished dramatically, to which the serpentine cried out. “It’s true! I’m hideous!” Steven covered his head in despair. The unicorn squinted her eyes. “I simply cannot let such a crime against fabulosity go unchecked!” The mare leaned forward quickly, pulling off a fake scale that was taped onto the serpent. Nothing happened for a while. Steven Magnet looked down at her with an odd expression. It wasn’t until a sounder producer stepped into frame. “You’re supposed to act like you are in pain.” “Oh!” He nodded. “I was just expecting it to hurt or something.” He cleared his throat. “OW! What did you do fOR-“ he coughed, sputtering out hacks as he pounded his throat. “AcK—w-why am I choking—?” Rarity spat the fake scale out. She then levitated a large pail of water, levitating it to him. “Try not to choke to death, dearie.” “There it is!” Twilight pointed out. “The ruin that holds the Elements of Harmony. We made it!” She started running for the distant castle. “Twilight, wait for us!” Applejack ran after her. “We’re almost ther—oh SHIT!” Twilight turned back to tell them, only for the ground beneath her to fall away. Slipping she found herself plummeting off of a broken bridge. Luckily, Rainbow managed to catch her before she could fall into oblivion. “You okay?” a voice behind the camera called, concern in their voice. “Yeah, I think I’m okay,” Twilight breathed. “What’s with you and falling off of cliffs today?” Rainbow asked, laughing nervously. The unicorn frowned. “It was only twice. Three times if you count the retakes.” “Rainbow…” a shadowy voice called. Rainbow drew in a breath, dropping the rope. “Who’s there?” “…Rainbow….” it repeated itself. “I ain’t scared of you,” the actress lifted herself onto her back hooves, boxing the air. “Show yourself!” “We’ve been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the best flier in Equestria…” it said from the fog, the voice echoing. “Who?” The voice laughed. “Why…you, of course.” The pegasus chuckled. “Oh yeah, kiss my ass a little more, why don’t ya?” “C-Cut!” the director chortled. “No swearing! Kids show.” “We should make an adult version of this show,” she pitched in, her voice a grumble. “Or at least up the rating.” Pinkie counted as the Elements were lowered to the ground. “One, two, three, four…uh, there’s only five of them.” She turned to look at Twilight. “Where the sixth?” Rainbow asked. “The book said, ‘when the five are present, a spark will cause the sixth element to be revealed,’” Twilight recalled, sitting on the floor. “What the hay is that supposed to mean?” Applejack threw a skeptical look. “Spark. Sparkle. My name is Twilight Sparkle. It’s me,” she smirked. “The book was very specific with its word choice.” “Twilight!” the director exclaimed. “Please stop reading into the script!” The unicorn laughed. “Am I wrong, though?” Grumbling answered her. An editor sighed tiredly, banging his head on the table. It was well past midnight, so why he was still editing the lightning in this specific scene, he didn’t know. Behind him, he hears a clatter of hooves. “Coffee?” Luna's voice offered. “Yes, please.” More clatter, and he felt the vibration of a mug hitting the table. Looking up, he saw a medium-sized coffee cup, steam flowing from the cup. Taking the handle, he splashed himself in the face with it. “…doesn’t that hurt?” Luna asked with uncertainty. “The burning sensations of my eyes and flesh is what keeps me awake,” he replied in monotone. “Thanks for the adrenaline boost.” The alicorn grimaced. “O…kay…but we are taking you to the hospital after this.” “No.” “But-“ “Too expensive.” Twilight gasped. “But…where’s the sixth element?” Luna laughed and laughed, pointing at the stones in a taunting manner. She stomped the ground, the stones shifting and shattering. Twilight mouth gaped, a look of shock crossing her face. “You little foal!” the alicorn grinned before her ears flattened. “‘Fool.’ I’m supposed to say ‘fool.’” She cleared her throat. “You little foal—foal? I mean fool!” The director chuckled off-screen. “Take your time!” Luna cleared her throat. “You little fuck.” “Applejack, who assured me when I was in doubt, reprezents—reprezent?” Twilight stumbled on her words. “I mean represents!” “Once more.” The clapboard clamped down again. “Applejack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, repepe—represents! Gah!” She stomped her hoof in frustration. “Take all the time you need.” *** “Fluttershy, who t—ACK,” Twilight choked, coughing. “C-choked on my sp-pit.” A glass of water floated towards her, and the unicorn snatched it quickly, gulping down the contents. “Ahh,” she sighed, relieved. “Thank you for not letting me die.” *** “Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger—“ “To be honest, I feel like giggling at actual danger would be a death sentence,” the aforementioned mare said absentmindedly, to which Twilight glared. Pinkie blinked at her, realization dawning on her face. “…didn’t mean to say that out loud.” “Cut!” *** “Rarity who calmed a meaningful serpent with a sorrowful gif—fuck,” Twilight facedhoofed, groaning. “Mixed up the words again.” The director’s voice came from behind the camera. “You are almost there, Twilight. After this, we’ll take a lunch break.” “Noted,” Twilight called. “Let’s try this one more time.” *** “And Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her heart’s desire, represents the spirit of,” Twilight gave a dramatic pause, smirking. “Being a fucking decent being.” “Cut! Not the line,” the camera pony said. “I know, but I messed every other line I had, so might as well continue the trend. Posing dramatically, the actresses waited with their eyes closed. They were hanging from the ceiling, wires suspending them in the air. Behind them was one big green screen. “How much longer?” Rainbow whispered, twitching as the minutes went on “Shh,” Rarity replied. Somewhere off camera, a click could be heard, and the wind blew in the direction of the six ponies. Their manes reacted, waving. That wasn’t the only thing to move, however. The six of them started to sway in the breeze as well. “Okay, I really don’t think this is safe,“ Rainbow started up again, sealing her fate. The wires that suspended her snapped, throwing her onto the floor. “Oof!” she mumbled. “You okay?” Twilight turned slightly, which made her wires snap as well. “Shit!” she cursed when she hit the floor. One by one, the actresses fell to the floor, each having produced a different noise when they fell. “All alright, what dominos curse is in place right now?” Rainbow muttered. “Oh thank goodness!” Rarity exclaimed, getting to her hooves. Her once cut tail bounced slightly with her abrupt movement. “Why, Rarity,” Fluttershy started as she trotted up to the unicorn, “it’s so lovely.” “I know!” She shook her tail, only for it to detach and fall to the ground. “C-cut!” came the director's voice as everyone started to laugh. “Let’s try this again.” “Can’t we find a different solution to this?” Rarity asked, raising an eyebrow. “I feel like the tape is pretty flimsy.” “Any better ideas? Wait for an entire month for it to grow back?” She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She frowned. “…touché.” “Gee, Twilight,” Applejack smiled awkwardly. “I thought you were just spouting a lot of hoOey—“ She coughed, hitting her throat a few times. “Sorry. Voice crack.” Another sigh came off-screen. “Take two.” “Action!” the director announced, clamping down the clapboard. “Indeed you do,” Celestia's voice emitted from off-camera. The camera turned to face to follow the sound, bright light enveloping the ruin’s wall. A large, bright bulb was lifted from the nearby window, looking like the sun. Magic made it look blinding, concealing the white alicorn as she appeared in front of the camera. Celestia spread her wings wildly, looking commanding. Her wings may have stretched a little too far, as the next thing she did was stumble. Her legs went this way and that, trying to regain her balance as the other ponies stifled their giggles. “First scene with me on screen and the first thing I do is trip,” she grumbled, which made them laugh even more. “Celestia, why are you like this?” “Alright, the last sentence of this episode, and it goes to me,” Pinkie said to no one in particular. “It’s a long one, so let’s hope I don’t die by the end of this.” She took a deep breath, waiting. The clapboard clapped. “Action!” “Are you excited? ‘Cause I’m excited. I’ve never been so excited. Well, except for the I went,” she gasped, before continuing. “But I mean really, what could be more exciting than this?” “Aaaaand cut! You did good,” the camera mare complimented. Pinkie pumped her hoof in the air. “First try! Okay, now can I drink my questionable liquids?” The actresses sat on and around a small couch, relaxing after long days of work. Most came out uninjured, while the ones that were only had minor scrapes. “That went well, all things considered,” Luna murmured, sipping her tea. “Speak for yourself,” Twilight countered, rubbing her back. “My spine feels like an old mare’s…” All the actresses, aside from Celestia and Luna, murmured in agreement. Rarity piped up from the ground. “I’m a little envious of you,” she admitted to the alicorns. “Having the big, important role was a little more tedious than I expected.” “Trust me, you don’t want my role,” Celestia laughed. “I’m only gonna show up at, like, the end of the episodes.” Luna huffed. “As far as I know, I’m not even gonna be here the rest of the season!” They chuckled at the darker pony’s plight, which only made her pout. As the laughs died down, Applejack turned to look around the room. “Where is Spike?” she asked. “He’s supposed to be here with us, is he not?” “He told me that he wanted to talk to the director about something,” Twilight shrugged. “I don’t remember why, though.” *** “Look, I’m just saying if we are going to do plenty slapstick with Spike the character, can we at least get me a stunt double?” Author's Note June 16, 2021 It was much harder for me to come up with “funny” material for this chapter. I wasn’t sure why. I hope it’s just as good as last chapter, but I’ll let you guys be the judge of that. Ticket DisasterSpike held up the apple squinting at it suspiciously. It was too shiny, too perfectly shaped. Heck, it’s didn’t even reflect the lighting the same way other apples do. “What’s is wrong with this apple?” he asked, looking to the taller staff. “We painted it,” came a reply. This immediately made Spike nervous. “You want me to…eat a painted apple?” “The paint’s edible, don’t worry,” a stallion patted his shoulder. “It’s mostly sugar and food coloring.” “Nice to know you care enough to not poison me.” Twilight licked her lips. “Oh Spike! That looks delicious!” Then Spike stuffed the whole apple in his mouth, not waiting to see if Twilight wanted it. Juice flew everywhere. The unicorn gave the dragon an exasperated look. “Spike.” He swallowed the fruit, waving his hands out. “What?” His cheeks then puffed out, and Spike burped out a puff of green embers. Which, unfortunately, landed in Twilight hair. And caught fire. As Spike, Applejack, and the show’s staff began to panic, Twilight found herself to be the only calm one. Merely blinking as the flames burned her bangs. She shrugged. “At least my tombstone won’t say ‘death by falling’.” The scroll floated down via suspension wires, right into Spike’s claws. “It’s a letter from Princess Celestia,” Twilight murmured to herself. “Ahem,” the dragon cleared his throat. “Hear ye, hear ye. Her grand royal highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala, to be held in the capital city of Canterlot, on the twenty-first day of August. Princess Celestia cordially—this a very lengthy letter.” “Cut,” the director called. “Spike, it’s not that long.” “Well, my eyes hurt from reading it,” he muttered back, rubbing his eyes. “Can you shorten it by a tad?” A sigh answered. “We’ll see what we can do.” *** “So, instead of just, simplifying the script, you want to me to still read the entire thing but add ‘yada yada yada’ two-thirds the way through?” “Yep.” “This is- you know what? Fine. I’ll take it.” “Look—two tickets!” Spike showed them off to Twilight. “Great!” Twilight clapped her hooves together. “I’ve never been to the Gala. Have you, Spike?” Spike raised an eyebrow. “You practically raised me. If you didn’t, why would I?” “You’re right…” she corrected. “But hey! Two tickets, you and me, right?” “Haha,” Twilight laughed as she began to walk away. “No.” “…and Granny Smith could replace that saggy, old hip—wait a minute,” Applejack interrupted herself, pulling out her script. “That can’t be right, can it?” A moment of silence followed as she read through her script, humming. When she finished, she rolled her script and put it away. “I did read it right.” “What’s wrong with it?” Twilight asked. “Nothing,” she replied with a tight grimace. “I just hope Granny doesn’t hear me say this…” “Action!” The clapboard clamped down. Applejack looked up with a wistful smile. “Why, I’d give my left hind leg to go to that Gala.” “Oh.” Twilight walked towards her. “Well, in that case, would you like to…” She cut off her line, veering her eyes up in anticipation. When nothing came, Twilight pursed her lips. “Where’s Rainbow?” Applejack looked around before pointing towards a nearby tree. The camera followed the movement, catching the actress asleep in the branches. Slowly, a stallion with a mic came over, stopping underneath the branch Rainbow slept on. After waiting a few moments, he tugged on the end of her tail, making her slip from her napping spot. “Wha-huh?” she slurred, her hooves raised in a fighting position. “Wha’ happenin’?” The pegasus went on a long tangent about how she would impress the Wonderbolts and the crowd. “….the ponies would go wild!” Rainbow finished, clapping her hooves. Twilight gave a stare. Then her gaze tore away from the pegasus to the camera. She did this several times, her lips tightening. “…and that’s called interrupting the show. They’d probably want security to take you off the field immediately. No way they’d be impressed by that.” “Cut! Twilight, we-“ “You can’t tell me I’m wrong with this one!” the unicorn shot back before the director could finish. “That is very flawed and egotistical logic. Did someone poke holes into this poor fillies skull? How would she even think that’s okay?-“ “Oh, yeah?” Applejack huffed. “Well, I challenge you to a hoof wrestle! Winner gets the ticket.” “Deal.” She and Rainbow zipped over to a nearby stump, starting the match. It was quickly stopped as Twilight pushed between the two, a scowl on her face. “Girls! These are my tickets. I’ll decide who gets it, thank you very much.” Her eye twitched slightly. The camera panned over to the fighting actresses as the unicorn continued her lines. “Whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket, don’t you think?” Applejack was the first to step up. “Drumming up business for the farm?” “A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts?” Rainbow countered. “Money to f-fix Granny’s hip?” The earth pony sweated profusely as she said that. “Living the dream!” Twilight frowned. “That’s Applejack—one, Rainbow—none.” “Cut! Not the script!” “Well, fine!” Twilight threw her hooves up. She then turned to look at Spike, shoving a ticket to his chest. “Sorry for saying I wouldn’t give it to you. You’re coming with me.” “Yes!” Spike cheered. Twilight began to walk off-screen, and the camera panned over to Applejack and Rainbow Dash. “Okay…” they both agreed, before glaring at each other. Again, they both zipped to tree stump, silently challenging each other. Hooves wrapped around each other, and wrestle began. Didn’t last very long, as Applejack hoof slammed the pegasus’ hoof into the wood not even five seconds into the match. “FUCK,” Rainbow shouted, wincing. “Goddammit, AJ.” “Sorry! Sorry,” she apologized profusely. “I forget how strong I can be…” “That’s Applejack—two, Rainbow—zero,” Twilight piped up off-camera, which made the pegasus scowled. “Shut up.” “Another song?” Pinkie grimaced. “This is only your second song, Miss Pie.” The Kirin gave her a raised eyebrow. “Yeah, but my last song was literally last episode. Shouldn’t we have, I dunno, a little bit more time before we get another song?” The Kirin shrugged. “I don’t make the script. Talk to the writer, if you really don’t want another song.” The pink pony sighed. “Well, I don’t expect this song to be very good, but we’ll see. Maybe I’ll be wrong.” *** Pinkie walked out of the recording room, drownings “I was wrong. The song is awful. I never want to sing that ever again.” “…the stallion of my dreams!” Rarity finished her tangent of her dream husband, before giving a pout towards the other unicorn. “Twilight! I simply cannot believe you would invite Pinkie so she can…party, and prevent me from meeting my true love!” Rarity shook her head. “How could you?” she huffed. Twilight stared. “…that’s call infatuation. Obsession, even. The only way I can see you both in the same room together is him dragging you to security and complaining of a stalker.” “Action!” Twilight sighed. “Listen, guys, I haven’t decided who to give the extra ticket to…” “You haven’t?” both Rarity and Pinkie said at the same time, having a look of excitement and realization respectively. From behind them, a soft voice spoke up. “Um, excuse me, Twilight,” Fluttershy started, kicking at the ground. “I would just like to ask—if it would be alright ...if you haven’t given it to someone else-“ “You?” Rarity gasped. “You of all ponies want to go-“ “Yes!” Twilight pushed past the white unicorn. “Since you are the only one to outright ask me instead of guilt-tripping me or giving a convoluted reasoning, you are my plus one.” “Cut!” the director sighed. “Twilight, you have to stop doing that.” Pinkie shrugged. “She has a point though. Flutters is the only one asking politely…” Fluttershy started on her own soliloquy. “There’s loons and toucans and bitterns, oh my! Hummingbirds that can really hum, and buzzards that can really buzz!” She giggled slightly into the microphone. “Blue jays and red jays and green—In pretty sure ‘red jays’ are cardinals, which makes me upset that you guys called them ‘jays.’” “Let me guess, all the other jays have different names, too?” a mare murmured, rolling her eyes. “No. Green Jays are a real species, and I believe pink jays are just Blue Jays that have a pink coloring to their feathers. It’s just the ‘red jays’ I’m mad about.” “Applejack? Were you following me, too?” “No. I was following this one,” she pointed towards Rainbow Dash, “to make sure she didn’t try any funny business.” Applejack glared. “Still try to take my ticket?” “Your ticket?” Rainbow exclaimed, leaping into the air. Pinkie piped in as well. “Twilight’s taking me!” As the other girls joined in on the arguing. The camera zoomed in as Twilight crouched to the ground. She rests her head in her hooves, looking absolutely done with everything. She sighed, looking right into the camera. “I got my bachelor’s for this. “You see, I was getting ready for the day when Mrs. Cake said that I would need to help make breakfast for the customers at Sugar Cube Corner. I thought ‘huh? It’s three in the morning?’ I still agreed, obviously, but I was maybe a little too tired from the night before because let’s face it, I was up until past twelve o clock midnight, and getting up at three was torture. So I went to the front of the store, and was like ‘open!’ So this old lady walks in with her cane and a cat, and was like, ‘I would like a strawberry milk soda and three bowls of oatmeal’ and then I said, ‘oatmeal? Are you cra-’“ Pinkie stopped as she saw the other actresses and actors stare at her. “Oh.” “Aaaaand…action!” The clapboard clapped shut. “Girls, there no use and arguing.” Twilight looked around at the fighting actresses. Rarity gave puppy-eyes. “But Twilight!” “No. All of you are acting like children. I might as well rip these tickets because they are causing me too much pain but I understand the prop designers put effort into them, I mean did you see all those failed versions? How much gold paper they wasted? That was a good fifteen dollars down the drain, and I’m not adding another three dollars to it-“ The camera pony walked into the shot. “Twilight, I think you might be getting slightly carried away. Would you like some water?” Spike and Twilight say that the table, the unicorn looking dejected. “Spike, what am I going to do?” she asked, her hair beginning to frizz. “All five of my friends have really good reasons to go to the Gala.” Spike put down the menu. “No they don’t.” “Yeah. I know. I’m lying to myself at this point.” Twilight squinted at the rain. “What going on?” She looked up to the sky. Rainbow peeked in through the clouds. “Hi there, best friend forever I’ve ever, ever had!” The unicorn frowned. “Best friend is a bit…generous,” she mused. “I’ve only known you for two episodes, and that equates to about….maybe a few days in the show’s timeline?” “I know!” Rainbow exclaimed. “It’s strange. Episode three and we are already ‘best friends.’” “Please please please stop reading into the script,” the director mumbled from behind the camera. A mare stood while the other sound producers sat. “Okay, we need noise to fill in this scene.” Her hoof pointed to the video, which played a scene with Rarity and Twilight. “Any ideas?” “Uh…string snapping?” a Kirin suggested. “Drills,” the changeling piped up. “Cats, perhaps?” a young griffon offered. “Hm…” another mare mumbled. “Why don’t we use…all of them?” A few moments of silence filled the air. Then a round of agreements began to spread. “Great idea!” “Completely reasonable.” “You know, we could just-“ “Shut up! We’ve already decided!” “…well, it’s not gonna work,” Twilight grumbled, throwing her outfit off. “You’re going to have to wait for my decision, just like everyone else.” The camera panned after the unicorn as she walked towards the door. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been trying all day to get some lunch!” On cue, an orange pony popped into the doorway. “Did somepony say ‘lunch?’” Applejack grinned. She then pulled the unicorn away, and Twilight had a glare on her face the entire time. “I think I liked it better when the world was in danger,” she muttered. “Uh…the dessert, not my auntie,” Applejack laughed after finishing all the apple-related desserts. “What do you say there, best friend?” Twilight's stomach growled, but she couldn’t focus on anything the mare was saying. “I think ‘best friend’ is my new trigger word.” “Ugh! I never thought being showered with favors would be so aggravating!” Twilight shouted to the wind as she trotted by home. The camera followed her as she opened the door and peered inside. Fluttershy was scrubbing the walls of the library, humming. This made Twilight frown. “How did you get into my house?” she said in exasperation. The pegasus turned to look at the unicorn. “Oh! Hello, Twilight,” she greeted politely. “I hope you don’t mind, but we’re doing a little spring cleaning for you.” “It’s summer.” “Well, better late than never, right?” She smiled. She then turned to look at the bunny. “It was Angel’s idea.” The rabbit squeaked in reply. “Please tell me you aren’t doing this for the ticket?” “Yeah, I’m doing it for the ticket.” Twilight facehoofed. “Well, at least your honest about it.” “What do you mean, ‘you have another song to do?’” Pinkie groaned. “In the same episode? Really?” “Yep.” “Bullshit!” “Full shit,” the changeling replied in deadpan. “Ugh!” “PINKIE!” Twilight shouted, falling to the ground as the crowd back away from her. The pink pony got up really close. “Yes, Twilight?” She blinked innocently. The unicorn sighed. “At least the other ponies tried to subtle about the ticket.” “Wait,” a pony from the crowd spoke up. “What ticket? What Gala?” “Oh! Yo—“ Pinkie coughed violently, to which a glass of water was levitated to her. She drank it up quickly, though her coughs didn’t subside until a few seconds after she finished her drink. “…t…hanks,” she thanked, her voice shriveled. She paused before trying to speak again. “Erk…t…ks…” “I think Pinkie lost her voice,” a producer said from behind the camera. “Do we have a backup?” “I’ll give you some potatoes!” “I have an extra toothbrush if you need one.” “Would you like some bread I baked?” “I’ll do your taxes.” Twilight blink. “Wait, stop. Who said that?” The crowd collectively tilted their head, so the unicorn cleared her throat to explain herself. “Who said ‘I’ll do your taxes’?” “I did,” a blue and white pony raised a hoof. Twilight pushed the ticket to the mare’s chest. “You are now my new favorite pony.” Twilight and Spike looked dazed as the teleport ion wore off. The dragon was in the worst shape, being covered in soot. “Warn me next time you’re going to use that,” he slurred, before shaking the ash off of him. “I didn’t even know that was gonna happen!” Twilight said, frowning. “Now quick—lock the doors!” The duo went around the library shutting every window, locking every door, and turning off all the lights. Once everything a quiet and dark, the two sighed in relief. And like that, the lights turned on again, revealing the five actresses standing at Twilight’s bedside. She screamed. “HOW DID ANY OF YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?” A sigh came from behind the camera. “Twilight, you need to stop saying that.” Twilight read over the last part of the script, stuffing the last part of a sandwich down her gullet. Around her were the other actors, who all were enjoying their late-night snacks. “This ending feels very cliché,” she noted out loud, which got them to murmur in agreement. “I’m honestly surprised that Twilight the character stayed friends with them,” Applejack muttered. “I would have dumped them on the side of the road if that were me.” Twilight nodded. “Yeah. I don’t think I can stand creatures like that in real life…” All the actresses walked out the door, each one laughing as they took a ticket for themselves. Spike walked away with the last one, only for it to levitate out of his grip and into Applejack’s. Spike tapped his claws together, a little disappointed. “How come I don’t get a ticket to the Gala?” “Oh, we’re we supposed to get one for Spike?” someone spoke from behind the camera, to which more mumbling could be heard off-screen. A stallion walked onto the set, handing a golden ticket to the dragon. “Here ya go, kid. You wanted it.” Spike gripped the golden piece of paper. “Not exactly a kid, but I’ll take it.” Author's Note June 21, 2021 Hi, I’m very tired right now. I hope this was funny. Maybe I make a better author’s note later. Apple *BEEP* SeasonApple *BEEP* Season “So, the first episode that isn’t focused around Twilight is about me?” Applejack clarified, looking slightly confused. “Yes, you are pony of focus,” the yak nodded. “Hm. This will be interesting,” she mused. Her ear flicked slightly towards the door, and she looked up. There was a loud, thumping sound that seemed to become form outside the recording studio, and the actress frowned. “…do you hear that?” “Yaiya hears pony’s grandmother coming, yes,” the yak replied again. This made the mare stare back, a look of absolute fear on her face. “Please tell me your jo-“ SLAM! “WHAT’S THIS I HEAR ABOUT GETTIN’ ME A NEW HIP?” Smith shouted, the door smacked so hard into the wall that the stone cracked. Orange eyes locked onto the actress. Applejack gulped, starting a sprint. “Ah! I-I’m sorry! I swear I only said that because of the script, I don’t mean anything by it!” Her yelling grew fainter as she ran past the elderly mare and into the hallway. “Don’t run from me, girly.” Smith followed after her. “Or a whoopin’ is the least of your worries tonight!” “I’ll take a bite out of this job by day’s end!” Applejack smiled as she looked down at the orchard of apple trees. The stallion beside her didn’t share in her enthusiasm. “Biting off more than you can chew, is just what I’m afraid of,” Macintosh retorted, keeping a deadpan stare. She whipped her head around, glaring. “You sayin’ my mouth is makin’ promises I legs can’t keep?” “Yep.” Applejack huffed, offended. “This is your sister Applejack, remember?” Her voice raised as she pressed her noggin against the stallion actor’s. “The loyalest and the most dependable of ponies?” Mac snorted. “Loyalest? I thought you were honesty!” “Cut!” the director’s voice snapped. A snort came from off set. “I told you they’d do that if we kept that part in the script. I expect ten dollars after we are done recording. “How are we going to make cow stampede’s feel like an earthquake?” Twilight asked as the camera crew dissembled their equipment. A black griffon rubbed the back of his neck. “The yaks will be stomping the ground.” “Huh.” Twilight helped levitated the tripods and clapboards as they moved to their next location of recording. “How will that work?” *** “Oh dear god!” Twilight stumbled as the quakes rumbled throughout town. Just standing was hard enough, but to try and run in all this chaos? Nuh-uh! No way! “How do you expect any of us to walk in this?” The griffon chuckle from his place in the air. “You just gonna have to. Sorry.” He shrugged, though his face was anything but apologetic. Though the ground was shaking, Twilight found the concentration to frowned. “Bitch.” Pinkie giggled incoherently, bouncing in a way that was similar to a jackhammer. With a vibrating voice, she spoke. “Hey! This makes my voice sound silly!” Twilight stumbled slightly as she ran into view of the camera. “Pinkie Pie, are you crazy?” Her tone was exasperated. “Run!” As the camera cut the recording, Pinkie snorted. “Have you met my character, Twilight? I am crazy!” “Yeah here that, Winona?” Applejack cooed, rubbing the dog’s head. “Your gonna be the first doggo—and probably our only but I didn’t check—on the show! Isn’t that exciting?” Winona barked, wagging her tail side to side. She leaped from foot to foot, doing a little dance to express her excitement. “Yes, it is a very special position your in! Your such a lucky girl, aren’t you?” “Ahem,” someone spoke from behind the camera. “Terribly sorry to break up a sweet moment, but we are rolling?” “So?” Applejack stuck her tongue out childishly. “Should that stop me from giving my dog some love?” A moment of silence passed. Then, “No, I suppose not.” Cheering, Applejack petted and scratched Winona’s ears. “Who’s a good girl?” she prompted. Her dog wiggled, putting her paws onto the actress's shoulders excitedly “Ruff!” “Applejack was just…just-!” Mayor struggled to find the correct words, biting her lip. It was then when Pinkie Pie came rolling it, suspended in mid-air by a green-screened wire. “Appletastic!” she declared, smiling. Then the flimsy wire snapped, the actress tumbling to the floor. Her ‘Pinkness’ began to roll away, her eyes spinning. Mayor stared for a few seconds, her mind blanking. “…Exactly!” The changeling and the hippogriff watched the scene closely as it played out on screen. The changeling tapped his hoof against the table, bobbing his head to and fro with a frown. He pressed a remote that laid out in front of him, pausing the episode. The hippogriff sighed. “What is it now, Tarsus?” “Look at the banner.” He pointed to the yellow banner that Rarity had put up. It had a red apple insignia on it, decorated with green vines. “The apple is two inches off-center. The episode is literally unwatchable now!” The hippogriff sighed, cupping his break. “Only you would ever point that out…” “Twilight, what are you doing?” Spike asked as he approached the unicorn actress. She was writing onto the index card props, very concentrated. “The scene is about to start.” “I know,” she muttered, not fully paying attention. “I just need to finish writing my script onto the cards.” “You didn’t rehearse?” “I didn’t say that.” Spike frowned. “So you didn’t rehearse.” Twilight went silent. Then, “Nope.” Spike facepalmed. Twilight pressed her cards neatly in a deck, turning to address the crowd of ponies gathered around her. “Welcome, everypony. Today, we are here to honor a pony we can always count on to help in matters great and small.” She moved the first index card to the bottom of the deck. “A pony whose contribution to—“ Rainbow came flying in, pushing Twilight’s cards off the podium. “Did you see Applejack’s slick moves out there? What an athlete!” she exclaimed, pushing the unicorn out of her way and speaking out of turn. Twilight had her jaw open, checking behind the podium to see if this was in the script. It wasn’t. “This week, she’s gonna help me with my new flying trick, and I know it’s gonna be so awesome!” Twilight frowned as she pushed the pegasus out of camera range. “Exactly. And—“ “This week, I get to run Sugar Cube Corner for the first time!” Pinkie piped in, completely blocking Twilight’s view. “What does that have to do with Applejack?” the unicorn asked, not liking at her speech was being interrupted. Pinkie blinked. “Oh! Applejack, one of the best bakers ever, is gonna help me. Applejack makes everything great so free samples for everypony!” “Sounds fake but okay,” Twilight mumbled to herself, making sure that it wouldn’t be picked up by the camera. Pushing the pink pony, she retook her place on the podium again. “Okay, that’s great,” she said through clenched teeth. “Now, If I could make a point without being inter—“ Fluttershy stepped up onto the platform, speaking softly. “Twilight?” “—rupted…” The unicorn frown deepened. “Twilight, I’m really sorry,” Fluttershy apologized, “but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping me this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the new baby bunnies that were born this season. She’s gonna help gather them using her wonderful herding skills.” Twilight was on the verge of exploding. “Anyone else?” She watched as the pegasus quietly slipped off stage. “Anyone?” Everything was quiet. “No?” Twilight made sure. She sighed. “Well then, as I was trying to say—“ she stopped as Mayor looked at her expectantly. Twilight felt her brain short-circuit. “UGH! Never mind.” she trotted off stage with a sour expression. From behind the camera, a mare looked at the director. “Nothing about that was in the script…should we start over?” The director tapped his chin. “Nah, let’s keep it in.” “—Ponyville’s most capable and dependable friend.” Mayor paused for dramatic effect. “Applejack!” The camera panned over a spot covered by curtains. Off-screen, a yak yanked a string, drawing the curtains open. Revealed behind it was a whole a heaping of nothing. A loud gasp resonated throughout the crowd. Spike's voice was louder than the rest of them. “Ah shit. Was she captured by Nightmare Moon too?” As Applejack dragged the trophy away, Twilight began to speak up. “Was it just me or did Applejack seem a little…” “Tired?” Rainbow responded. “Dizzy?” Fluttershy suggested. “Messy.” Rarity described. Pinkie hopped in. “She seemed fine to me.” Then she began to imitate the tired mare. “Whooo! Whooo!” “Oh Pinkie, why is your character so tactless?” Rainbow mumbled. “And how do you say any of your lines with a straight face?” “Negotiations with a five-year-old have prepared me for this.” “See that contraption?” Rainbow pointed to what looked liked a ladder and a catapult. Applejack blinked tiredly. “Uh…yeah?” “Well, I’m gonna stand on one end. Then you’re going to jump from that platform, launching me into the air faster than I can take off on my own. Once I’m there, I'm going to do some amazing flips and spins that are sure to impress the Wonderbolts!” Rainbow puffed out her chest confidently. Applejack squinted. “That seems dangerous and impractical.” A voice behind the camera spoke up. “I definitely have a degree in physics, and I can tell you, it’s all shit.” Rainbow stepped down from her fence post, walking over to the prop contraption. “Can’t wait to risk my life for you lot.” Twilight looked up from her book, staring at the pegasus with a concerned expression. “Can I help you?” Rainbow perched awkwardly on the Library balcony’s railing. “I think my bowel ruptured,” she said in deadpan. “Because you’re working too hard and you need help!” Twilight practically shouted. The earth pony gave her a funny look. “What? Kelp?” Applejack shouted back. She furrowed her brows. “I don’t need kelp. I don’t even like seaweed!” “HELP. YOU NEED HELP,” Twilight clarified, her face dangerously close to the other actress’. “Help? Like with work or therapy?” AJ snickered. “At the rate this episode is going, preferably both!” the unicorn exclaimed, though she didn’t seem to be talking about the earth pony anymore. As Applejack put the live worms into the mixing bowl, a sudden urge came over her as she turned to look at the camera. “No worms were harmed in the making of this.” The camera crew chuckled. Pinkie piped into camera view. “All worms were harmed in the making of this, don’t let Miss Honesty fool you.” The laugh became a little louder. “That pony is as stubborn as a mule!” Twilight gritted her teeth, before stopping to think. “That sounds racist…” As the shooting continued, Twilight found herself mauling over the line. As the group sat down for their lunch, the unicorn actress face-planted into the table. “Oh god, that was racist!” she groaned, much to the confusion of her friends. Fluttershy sighed. “You brought a dog to round up bunnies?” she asked, her brow shooting up. “Yes…” AJ frowned. The pegasus looked up to the sky. “I’m not mad, just disappointed.” Reading over the script once again, Applejack muttered to herself. “I’ll be surprised if I don’t get a concussion after this, with all this head-bonking against stuff.” “Dear Princess Celestia. Today has been shit, mostly because of Applejack. I would like to cut off my ties to this group and move back to Canterlot. I don’t think my introverted personality can handle these crazy bitches anymore. I understand you have these big and important plans for me, but just…find somepony else. Please. Your student, Twilight Sparkle.” A round of claps echoed throughout the air. “You tell ‘em, Twilight!” Spike cheered, throwing a half-popped popcorn kernel into his mouth. “Stick it to world leaders!” Rainbow Dash sighed. “All this apple-bucking has made me hungry!” “I got the perfect snack!” Spike smiled as he pulled out a batch of half-eaten, moldy-green muffins that look disgusting, even as a prop. Pinkie grimaced. “Eww, Spike I threw all of them away! Where did you even get them?” Spike smiled deviously. “From the trash!” Gagging and complaints of ‘gross’ resonated from the table. Spike took a bite out of the prop-still-edible muffins. “What? Trash muffins for trash characterization.” Applejack flopped onto the couch, looking across the lounge. “Fellow actors and actresses alike, I purpose that we all die right here and right now.” “Sounds fun.” “Finally!” “Woo!” “I’ve been waiting my entire life for this.” Author's Note Sept 25, 2021 Woo! 4th chapter is finally done!
Bloopers are Magic : Part 1“Is Twilight ready for her first scene?” “No! This scrapbook opening you guys want isn’t finished.” “Well, get on with it!” “You hear that, Twilight?” Spike gave the working unicorn a sarcastic tone. “Scrapbook faster!” The purple pony sighed, gluing yet another magazine sheet to the inner page. “I’m trying, but some ponies just don’t want to help.” “One fateful day, the younger unicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for dawn,” Celestia said into the mic, watching as the already recorded scene play out in front of her. “The elder sister tried to reason with her- wait.” The alicorn paused the video, squinting at the scene. “What is it?” a director responded to Celestia’s sudden stop. “What’s up with the art style here? Why are my eyes so big, yet Luna seems to have a more proportioned eyes style? What’s up with the leg? Why do I look like I’m on drugs?” An exasperated huff sounded from the other end of the recording room. “Thanks, your highness,” Twilight muttered. “There you are, Twilight!” Twinkle Shine exclaimed, her focus directed at the purple unicorn. Twilight snorted. “Ah yes, hello friends which I didn’t learn the names of.” “Cut!” A voice halted the operation. “Twilight was that really necessary?” The actress chortled. “Sorry. The script didn’t even bother to put her name.” The pink-maned mare blinked, pulling her script out. “Wait, it didn’t?” “Okay, ready...action!” The clapboard went off, starting the recording of the next scene. Spike walks across the screen, holding a red gift box in hand. He was a few centimeters too close to the door, sending him flying when they abruptly opened. “Spi—oh gosh,” Twilight prematurely stopped her line. The small dragon rubbed his nose, and the unicorn went to check up on him. “Wasn’t...part of the script,” he muttered as he was helped to his feet. “Alright, let’s try this again,” the director called from somewhere off-screen. The actors repositioned themselves. “Annnd...take two!” The clapboard clamped down again. The dragon, once again, walked in to frame, this time further from the door. Twilight burst through the door. “Spike! I need you to find me that old copy of ‘Prediction and Prophecies,’” the unicorn ordered, running past the scaled being. Off-camera, the director and the staff could be heard muttering to themselves, which caught the ear of the actress on set. “Did I say the line wrong?” “No, just that we think that slapstick with Spike was funnier,” one said. The director cleared his throat. “Just wait a moment, I think we are going to make an edit to the script.” Spike groaned, facepalming. Twilight gasped. “Spike! Do you know what this means?” The dragon looked down from his place on the latter, looking uncertain as the ladder began to wobble. “No—wHOA!” On cue, the ladder tipped back, send the draconic creature falling from the height. The intent was so Twilight could catch Spike mid-fall, but the unicorn hadn’t had the time to walk to the right spot. Instead, he faceplanted right to the ground. “Ow,” he muttered. Twilight winced, helping him up. “Sorry!” Spike also winced, rubbing his head. “Can we try that again?” Twilight babbled on her letter, Spike taking note of everything she said. “—We are on the precipice of disaster.” Spike raised his head. “What?” Twilight glanced back. “Precipice.” He looked back at the letter. “Preci...preci...” he sounded out the letters but never did figure out how to spell it. It sent the crew behind the scenes in a giggling fit. “Ok, cut!” the director laughed a bit, a rustling of paper could be heard. “We’ll give you time to figure that word out.” Spike sighed. “Pre...ci...pate? No that isn’t right...” “Can you spell ‘threshold’?” Twilight piped. “Thre...” he looked up with a nervous expression. Twilight tapped her chin. “Uh, ‘brink’, perhaps?” He brightened. “Oh yeah, I know how to spell brink-“ “No you don’t!” someone off-screen exclaimed. He bristled, looking to the camera crew. “Yes, I can! It’s b-r-i-“ “We are changing the script!” another one called. “It’s just part of your character now.” Spike glared at the camera. “Twilight...Spar...kle!” Spike exclaimed as he finished the letter. “Got it!” Twilight gave a smile. “Great. Send it.” “Now?” “Of course.” Spike had an unsure expression. “Uh, I don’t know, Twilight. Princess Celestia’s a little busy getting ready for the Summer Sun Celebre-“ he stopped, gears turning in his head. He restarted. “Princess Celestia’s a little busy getting ready for the Sunner Sun Celebra-“ Spike grumbled slightly. He took out his script, ignoring the laughter he could hear from the staff. “What is this line? Summer Sun Celebe—Summer Sum— Sunner Sum—ugh!” He frowned as the crew and his fellow actor chuckled. “You try saying it ten times fast!” “Soooo, since we are practically done with this place,” Twilight gestured up to the spire, “what are we going to do with it?” “Leave it a mess,” replied the director. “I—what?” “You see, we are going to need this in a few seasons, and we want to make the place as authentically aged as possible.” “But—the dust! Cobwebs! Roaches...” The director chuckled. “Exactly.” “I’ll check on the preparations as fast as I can, then get to the library to find some proof of Nightmare Moon’s return,” Twilight's smirk quickly became a thoughtful frown. Spike lidded his eyes. “Then when will you make friends like the Princess said?” “She said to check in the preparations,” she answered confidently. “I am her student, and I’ll do my royal duty, but the fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends.” The pegasus chariot softly landed on the ground. Both of them slid out before Twilight turned to look at the camera. “You see kids, this is what they call...foreshadowing,” she jazzed her hooves. Spike and camera pony laughed. “Cut!” the mare behind the camera chortled out. “Twilight, you were doing so well!” “Sorry, that was too good to pass up!” The laughs diminished. The mare sighed, “Well, I guess we can always cut the last part out.” “Now, why don’t I introduce y’all to the Apple family?” Applejack offered in a high voice, not waiting to hear Twilight’s answer. Her hoof flew out, and plenty of bright, fruity color ponies came into view. Then orange mare sighed. “Most of them are strangers that we picked off the side of the road. Followed us back with the promise of food.” A moment of silence, and then Twilight and Spike giggled. That giggle became a burst of laughter. Behind the camera, the director mumbled, “She’s not wrong.” “Hm, there’s supposed to be a pegasus pony named Rainbow Dash clearing the clouds,” Spike recalled, looking up to the sky. Twilight looked up as well, noting the cloudy weather. “Well, she’s not doing a very good job, is she?” That was the cue for the pegasus to show up. They waited, but nothing came of it. “Uh,” Twilight started, peering over to the right. “Rainbow? That’s your cue.” No answer. “Hey, where’s Rainbow Dash?” someone off-screen yelled, to which a smokey voice answered. “Her hair dye session is taking longer than expected, give us one more hour and we’ll be ready.” A collective sigh filled the room. “Action!” Twilight tore her gaze from the clouds. “Well, she’s not doing a very good job, is sh— fUCK!” The unicorn cursed as she was practically flung offset as a rainbow flash tackled into her. The camera turned to follow the movement. In front of them was a two-mare stack pile, groaning. Rainbow spoke from atop the pile, grimacing. “I...think I broke my wing...” Twilight grumbled. “I think you broke my everything.” “Wait, I’m attracted to Rarity?” Spike asked the director, pointing the mare as she readied her position. The director nodded, to which the dragon stuck his tongue out. “Ew!” he complained. “My character is in adolescence! That’s like having a crush on the school...nurse...” The director chuckled, pushing the dragon on set. “Exactly right, thank you for your observation.” Spike held his head in his hand. “I feel like this is a personal attack on me.” “Now go own, my dear,” Rarity coerced, “You were telling me where you’re from.” She then pulled on the lace strings that held the corset in place, tightening it. Twilight eyes grew wide. “I’ve...egh...been sent...can’t breathe!” she hoarsely whispered. “Hm?” The corset’s strings snapped, the entire outfit falling to pieces. The victim unicorn gasped for air. “Cut! Rarity, don’t pull that hard next time.” “Oops, my bad,” she apologized, laughing nervously. “Alright, Birdabelle,” Fluttershy cooed to one of the birds. It was a jaybird, and it was perched atop one of the branches. “Do you know how to sing?” The jay seemed shy, burying in it’s feathers. She waited patiently as the bird slowly shook it’s head. She nodded. “Good, sing as horribly as you’d like!” “You know how to say your lines?” Applejack asked as she helped the pegasus stepped into the camera viewing range. “Definitely!” Fluttershy answered back, turning to face the tree. The birds gathered onto the stray branches, waiting for their time to shine. “All I have to do is act like I have crippling social anxiety, which shouldn’t be hard since I already have crippling social anxiety!” A pained laugh filled the air, and Applejack shot the off-camera director a look of concern. The party horns have gone off. “Surprise!” Pinkie exclaimed, all up in Twilight’s space. “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie, and I threw this party just for you.” She started bouncing up and down all around the unicorn. “Were you surprised? We’re you? We’re you?” She laughed. Twilight gave an uncomfortable tone. “Very surprised.” Then she frowned. “Library’s are supposed to be quiet, Miss Pie.” “That’s silly!” Pinkie smiled, pushing her face closer. “What kind of welcome party would this be if it were quiet? I mean, duh! Borrringgg!” Twilight began to walk away, but the pink pony wouldn’t stop following her. “You see, I saw you when you first got here, remember? You were all, ‘hello’, and I was all—“ Pinkie meant to gasp, in a similar fashion to her first line interacting with Twilight. Instead, she began coughing and sputtering, hacking up a lung. “Cut! Someone get Pinkie some water.” A griffon walked onto the set, passing a cup of water to the dying mare. She grabbed it gratefully, chugging it down quickly. Once her coughing fit was over, she looked over to the cameras. “Sorry, doing this voice at this frequency is hell on my throat. I blame you if I lose my voice for the week.” Pinkie poured the hot sauce onto the nearby cupcake, drenching it in Red Hot. Just as quickly, she stuffed the flaming cupcake in her mouth. All around, the other ponies gave her weird looks. “What? This is good.” “Aaaand...cut!” the director announced. “You did good, Pinkie Pie.” “Thanks.” The pink pony’s face began to turn red, sweating profusely. “N-now, can someone get me s-some milk? “As mayor of Ponyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebrrration!” As the cheering sounded from the crowd, Mayor Mare looked up slightly. “Yes, I rolled the r perfectly!” Luna looked over her script, a showing of disappointment on her face. “I sound like a generic saturday morning cartoon villain.” A sound producer looked over his shoulder, buzzing his wings. “Well, this show runs on Saturday, and you are playing the villain. Is it really any surprise?” A moment of silence. “...Bastard.” “Language. This is a children’s show.” In a burst of blue smoke, the blue alicorn appeared on the platform. Wings unfurled at her sides, and she grinned. “Oh, my beloved subjects—” she started, which was immediately cut off as a clapboard went off. “Huh?” “Agh, hey! The clapboard is not a plaything! Go wait over there with the rest of the children.” “Aww,” a filly’s voice grumbled off-screen. Luna blinked. “Uh, do I keep going?” “We can try again,” the director replied. Luna nodded, retreating out of view once more. “Okay...action!” Once again, animated blue smoke filled the platform, and in the center, Luna appeared, her wings unfurled. “Oh, my beloved subjects,” she addressed. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen your precious little sun-loving fasessshit.” A small round of laughter filled the room. The director sighed. “Okay, just one more take.” “So how will you make me look more...I dunno, villainous?” Luna asked, looking down at the concept papers. “Some combination between video editing and sleep deprivation.” “Oh dear.” “So, I don’t even make an appearance?” Celestia asked, finishing her recording. An editor shook her head. “Sorry Celestia, but you aren’t needed until the next episode.” “And for how long?” The pegasus shrugged. “The latter half of it, I think.” The white alicorn sighed. “Go figure.” Author's Note June 12, 2021 I’m toying with some ideas. But right now, this is just a bunch of actor that are making MLP. Siblings in show might not be related to each other at all, or some have a differencing appearances that is just covered due to ✨movie magic✨ I don’t know if I’ll give production crew any names or make them background characters, but we’ll see how this goes! Also, comedy is kinda not my strong suit since my sense of humor is a bit dark, but I’m going to try my best to keep this lighthearted, mostly.
Bloopers are Magic : Part 2Luna waved her hoof, fanning herself in the hot recording room. “Do you guys have any fans in here?” “Nope,” a staff replied, rustling papers. “Fans create noise, and that could get into the audio recordings.” “Fair, I supposed,” she muttered. “Though, but if I’m just practicing my evil laughs, why do I need to be in here?” “There is soundproofing padding in the walls,” the staff answered in a matter-of-fact tone. “You can be as weird as to want to, and no one would hear it.” “No one, huh?” she smiled smugly, rubbing her hooves together. The griffon in front of her frowned. “No screaming.” “Well, that’s just no fun.” “Come back here!” The camera followed Rainbow’s movements as she tried to follow after the cloudy smoke. Unfortunately for her, the pegasus wasn’t able to keep with the animated essence. She panted, looking worried. “Nighttime…forever?” Then she paused. “That’s a really weird line. Why did you guys write that?” “Because….” the director's voice tried to explain, but didn’t have the words to describe it. When Rainbow shot a weird look, he sighed. “Just…follow along with the script, please?” A sigh answered. “Alright, but when the script is weird, I’m calling it out. Spike laid the bed basket, twitching. He abruptly got, looking drowsy. “…we got to stop Nightmare…!” he started, before collapsing back onto his pillow. Twilight smiled, throwing a blanket onto him. “You’ve been up all night, Spike,” she whispered lovingly. “You are a baby dragon, after all.” The unicorn walked away, turning off the lights. Just when the scene was about to end, a loud crash could be heard. “Ow!” Twilight’s voice groaned. The dragon opened his eyes. “What happened?” “The stairs are slippery!” she complained off-camera. “Who’s water spilled?” A nervous laugh came from behind the camera, and Spike glared directly at it. “Elements, elements, elements. Ugh!” Twilight fretted as she trashed the library. She levitated one book after another, flipping through them quickly. “How can I stop Nightmare Moon without the Elements of Harmony?” Rainbow came flying into the scene, pressing her face close to the unicorn. “And just what are the Elements of Harmony?” she growled. “How did you get into my house?” Rainbow ignored the joke line. “And how did you know about Nightmare Moon, huh?” She began the back Twilight into the corner. “Are you a spy?” Her accusation was pulled back Applejack entered the scene. “Simmer down, Sally,” she said. “She ain’t a spy.” Then her gaze turned to Twilight Sparkle. “But she sure knows what going on. Don’t you, Twilight?” The five actresses walked closer to the unicorn in uncomfortable silence. She blinked, before a strained smile curved her face. “You guys are very creepy.” “…it is said the last-know location of the five elements was in the Ancient Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters,” Twilight finished her line, waiting in silence as the camera stopped recording. She smiled and sighed before Pinkie approached her. “Nice work, Twilight,” she complimented. “That was perfect on the first try! How did you do it?” Twilight snorted. “Oh, I just glued my script to the page.” She showed the earth pony her secret. “See?” Pinkie stared. “...how did you do that without being caught?” “Action!” The clapboard went off. Twilight started her very short sentence. “It is located in what is now…” “Stop! Stay as still as possibly can,” the director ordered. The actresses did so, hearing the clamor of equipment being moved around behind them. Despite wanting to see what was happening, they stayed put. “Woah,” Rainbow muttered absentmindedly as magic levitated them into the air. They floated a couple of inches off of the ground, shuffling out of the library and onto the streets. They were moved carefully, not even daring to twitch their legs as they dangled. Coming closer to a heavily wooded area, the actresses descended to the ground, planting them in their exact positions. Even more shuffling and loud crashes sounded, which made Twilight hold her breath. “Okay, ready….” The clapboard went off again. “Continue!” “Wee! Let’s go!” Pinkie exclaimed, about the bounce off into the forest. “Not so fast,” Twilight interrupted her before she could go very far. The camera zoomed in on her face. “Look, I appreciate the offer, but I’d rather do this on my own.” Applejack walked into frame. “No can do, sugar cube. We ain’t letting a friend of ours go into that creepy place alone,” she protested, not seeing the unicorn’s skewed face. “We’re sticking to you like candy on a caramel apple,” she said, before halting in her tracks. “ I mean, caramel on a candy apple…dammit! I almost had it.” The girls giggled while she grumbled. “It’s not that hard! Why?” The video shook as a voice spoke from behind the camera. “If it means anything, I didn’t notice the mess up!” “Ready, set, action!” On cue, they started to walk through the forest, the camera following their movements. “So, none of you have been in here before?” both Fluttershy and Twilight whispered at the same time, to which they glanced at each other. “That’s my line,” they both said in unison. The actresses turned their heads to someone off-camera, a waiting expression on their faces. A distant voice replied. “On this script, it says Twilight. What about everyone else’s?” All the girls took out their copy of the script, giving various answers. “Mine says ‘Fluttershy’.” “‘Twilight’.” “‘Twishy’…” “Why does it say ‘Koolaid’?” “Okay, who’s the troll who did this?” the director's voice yelled, to which a laugh could be heard in the distance. “KEVIN!” Rainbow reread her script as they set up onto the next scene. “No pony knows,” she whispered in a melodramatic voice. “Every pony who’s ever come in…has never come OUT!” She shouted the last part, startling everyone else around her. Beside her, Applejack jabbed her ribs, asking out loud, “Is that line appropriate for children?” “Death joke? In a show for kids?” Rainbow clarified. She then shrugged. “More likely than you’d think.” “Applejack, what do I do?” Twilight asked in a panicked voice, her legs scrabbling against the sharp ledge. Applejack stayed silent before looking up momentarily. “Let go.” The unicorn frowned. “Are you crazy?” The earth pony chuckled. “Very much so, but that’s not the point.” “Cut!” the director yelled offscreen. “What?” she blinked innocently. “I’m supposed to be honest, am I not?” Fluttershy and Rainbow caught the falling unicorn in midair, hovering off the ground. Twilight looked at both of them, before sighing. “Phew.” Then she slipped. “AAH!” she screamed once more, the camera following the fall as she bellyflopped to the rocky ground. “Oof!” Behind the videocamera, a voice could be heard grimacing. “Maybe we should have some suspension wires as a backup…” “Aww, what’s his name?” Fluttershy asked as she stroked the manticore’s name. The hybrid creature yawned, snuggling under her chin. “Roarington The First,” the Kirin replied, smiling. “It’s odd. You’re the first he’s ever been openly affectionate with. “Ha!” Rainbow came barreling in, nudging her fellow actress with her wing. “First one, huh? At the rate you’re going, Fluttershy, you might just become a Disney Princess!” “Three, two, one, action!” As soon as the clapboard went off, Roarington went straight for Rarity with a roar and a growl. The unicorn dodged, bucking the manticore in the face. “Take that, you ruffian!” she taunted. He responded with a spit-ridden shriek, which made the unicorn hair puff out and tangle significantly. “My hair!” she whined, touching the frizzy mess. Roarington bellowed, which sent the unicorn running in the opposite direction. The camera followed as she ran past Fluttershy, and the pegasus could be heard quietly whispering, “Wait.” This went unnoticed as Applejack leaped into the fray, wrangling the manticore. “Yee-haw! Get along, little doggy!” she yelled as the hybrid creature rolled around, trying to get her off. When he finally dislodged her, Applejack came soaring near Rainbow Dash. “All yours, partner.” She tipped her hat. “I ship it!” Pinkie's voice echoed, which halted the operation. “What?” the pegasus questioned, looking towards the left. Offscreen, the actress's voice laughed. “Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” The pink mare walked into camera range, shooting an apologetic look. Then that look became a smirk. “But you can’t tell me I’m wrong.” Fluttershy laughed a little as she brushed out Rarity’s mane. “I’m very sorry about your hair. You sure you won’t be too devastated by it?” The unicorn sighed. “No, I’m not that attached to it.” She levitated a plastic cylinder towards her, unscrewing the cap. “It just a little annoying. You want to know how many bottles and gel I had to use to get my hair like that?” “No,” Fluttershy answered bluntly. “Three packs!” she exclaimed anyway. “You know how much money that costed me?” Rarity shuddered as they continued to walk through the forest. “My eyes need a rest from all this icky muck,” she complained. As intended, the actresses passed under a dark canopy, blocking out the moonlight. She muttered, “Well I didn’t mean that literally.” “That ancient ruin could be right in front of our faces and we wouldn’t even know it!” Twilight said, her voice pitching up slightly. “Forget the ruin!” Rainbow seemed on edge. “What if there was a cliff? We’d be plummeting to our deaths in that case.” “Cut!” the director’s voice called. “Rainbow, we can’t say ‘death’ on a kids' show.” The actress screamed as scary-faced trees appeared all around them, backing themselves into a corner. All of them except Pinkie Pie, who seemed to not take it very seriously. “Ha!” she laughed, making faces to imitate the trees. “Bleh! Ooh! Hehahaha!” “Pinkie, what are you doing?” Twilight exclaimed. “Run!” The pink pony turned to look at the unicorn, frowning. “Yeah, because running is definitely what you’re doing right now.” “This is the recording room, Miss Pinkie Pie,” a changeling welcomed. The actress stepped into the soundproof room, looking around. “I see. It’s a bit duller than I expected.” The changeling shrugged. “We don’t have the budget to upgrade this room, so make do with what you have.” Pinkie stepped near the microphone, tapping on the head. The sound replayed back at her at full volume, which was torture on her ears. The changeling was barely affected. “You need to plug in your headphones, else it’ll play through the speakers.” “Would be nice if you told me that earlier.” “Giggle at the ghostie!” Pinkie sang, hyping performance up. “Guffaw at the gr…gross..ly,” she struggled as the instrumental went on. “Gro…sssss…ly. Grossly. That doesn’t sound like a word. Hold on.” She read the lyrics once more. “Guffaw at the grossly. Crack up at the creepy. Whoop it up—‘whoop it up’? That’s a phrase? Why have I never heard of that?” Pausing the music momentarily, she tried to understand the song. “Did you guys use thesaurus.com for this?” “Hello,” one of the sound producers greeted. “Steven Magnet, right?” “That’s me!” the serpent said, splashing around in the lake. “Honestly, I’m quite excited about this. This is the first time I’ve ever been on a show.” “Yes yes,” she waved her hoof. “Excuse me for being upfront, but I’m curious. How does one name their child ‘Steven Magnet’?” “Mother was drunk when she named me,” he answered nonchalantly. “Ah. That makes sense.” “…All ruined without your beautiful mustache,” Rarity finished dramatically, to which the serpentine cried out. “It’s true! I’m hideous!” Steven covered his head in despair. The unicorn squinted her eyes. “I simply cannot let such a crime against fabulosity go unchecked!” The mare leaned forward quickly, pulling off a fake scale that was taped onto the serpent. Nothing happened for a while. Steven Magnet looked down at her with an odd expression. It wasn’t until a sounder producer stepped into frame. “You’re supposed to act like you are in pain.” “Oh!” He nodded. “I was just expecting it to hurt or something.” He cleared his throat. “OW! What did you do fOR-“ he coughed, sputtering out hacks as he pounded his throat. “AcK—w-why am I choking—?” Rarity spat the fake scale out. She then levitated a large pail of water, levitating it to him. “Try not to choke to death, dearie.” “There it is!” Twilight pointed out. “The ruin that holds the Elements of Harmony. We made it!” She started running for the distant castle. “Twilight, wait for us!” Applejack ran after her. “We’re almost ther—oh SHIT!” Twilight turned back to tell them, only for the ground beneath her to fall away. Slipping she found herself plummeting off of a broken bridge. Luckily, Rainbow managed to catch her before she could fall into oblivion. “You okay?” a voice behind the camera called, concern in their voice. “Yeah, I think I’m okay,” Twilight breathed. “What’s with you and falling off of cliffs today?” Rainbow asked, laughing nervously. The unicorn frowned. “It was only twice. Three times if you count the retakes.” “Rainbow…” a shadowy voice called. Rainbow drew in a breath, dropping the rope. “Who’s there?” “…Rainbow….” it repeated itself. “I ain’t scared of you,” the actress lifted herself onto her back hooves, boxing the air. “Show yourself!” “We’ve been eagerly awaiting the arrival of the best flier in Equestria…” it said from the fog, the voice echoing. “Who?” The voice laughed. “Why…you, of course.” The pegasus chuckled. “Oh yeah, kiss my ass a little more, why don’t ya?” “C-Cut!” the director chortled. “No swearing! Kids show.” “We should make an adult version of this show,” she pitched in, her voice a grumble. “Or at least up the rating.” Pinkie counted as the Elements were lowered to the ground. “One, two, three, four…uh, there’s only five of them.” She turned to look at Twilight. “Where the sixth?” Rainbow asked. “The book said, ‘when the five are present, a spark will cause the sixth element to be revealed,’” Twilight recalled, sitting on the floor. “What the hay is that supposed to mean?” Applejack threw a skeptical look. “Spark. Sparkle. My name is Twilight Sparkle. It’s me,” she smirked. “The book was very specific with its word choice.” “Twilight!” the director exclaimed. “Please stop reading into the script!” The unicorn laughed. “Am I wrong, though?” Grumbling answered her. An editor sighed tiredly, banging his head on the table. It was well past midnight, so why he was still editing the lightning in this specific scene, he didn’t know. Behind him, he hears a clatter of hooves. “Coffee?” Luna's voice offered. “Yes, please.” More clatter, and he felt the vibration of a mug hitting the table. Looking up, he saw a medium-sized coffee cup, steam flowing from the cup. Taking the handle, he splashed himself in the face with it. “…doesn’t that hurt?” Luna asked with uncertainty. “The burning sensations of my eyes and flesh is what keeps me awake,” he replied in monotone. “Thanks for the adrenaline boost.” The alicorn grimaced. “O…kay…but we are taking you to the hospital after this.” “No.” “But-“ “Too expensive.” Twilight gasped. “But…where’s the sixth element?” Luna laughed and laughed, pointing at the stones in a taunting manner. She stomped the ground, the stones shifting and shattering. Twilight mouth gaped, a look of shock crossing her face. “You little foal!” the alicorn grinned before her ears flattened. “‘Fool.’ I’m supposed to say ‘fool.’” She cleared her throat. “You little foal—foal? I mean fool!” The director chuckled off-screen. “Take your time!” Luna cleared her throat. “You little fuck.” “Applejack, who assured me when I was in doubt, reprezents—reprezent?” Twilight stumbled on her words. “I mean represents!” “Once more.” The clapboard clamped down again. “Applejack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, repepe—represents! Gah!” She stomped her hoof in frustration. “Take all the time you need.” *** “Fluttershy, who t—ACK,” Twilight choked, coughing. “C-choked on my sp-pit.” A glass of water floated towards her, and the unicorn snatched it quickly, gulping down the contents. “Ahh,” she sighed, relieved. “Thank you for not letting me die.” *** “Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger—“ “To be honest, I feel like giggling at actual danger would be a death sentence,” the aforementioned mare said absentmindedly, to which Twilight glared. Pinkie blinked at her, realization dawning on her face. “…didn’t mean to say that out loud.” “Cut!” *** “Rarity who calmed a meaningful serpent with a sorrowful gif—fuck,” Twilight facedhoofed, groaning. “Mixed up the words again.” The director’s voice came from behind the camera. “You are almost there, Twilight. After this, we’ll take a lunch break.” “Noted,” Twilight called. “Let’s try this one more time.” *** “And Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her heart’s desire, represents the spirit of,” Twilight gave a dramatic pause, smirking. “Being a fucking decent being.” “Cut! Not the line,” the camera pony said. “I know, but I messed every other line I had, so might as well continue the trend. Posing dramatically, the actresses waited with their eyes closed. They were hanging from the ceiling, wires suspending them in the air. Behind them was one big green screen. “How much longer?” Rainbow whispered, twitching as the minutes went on “Shh,” Rarity replied. Somewhere off camera, a click could be heard, and the wind blew in the direction of the six ponies. Their manes reacted, waving. That wasn’t the only thing to move, however. The six of them started to sway in the breeze as well. “Okay, I really don’t think this is safe,“ Rainbow started up again, sealing her fate. The wires that suspended her snapped, throwing her onto the floor. “Oof!” she mumbled. “You okay?” Twilight turned slightly, which made her wires snap as well. “Shit!” she cursed when she hit the floor. One by one, the actresses fell to the floor, each having produced a different noise when they fell. “All alright, what dominos curse is in place right now?” Rainbow muttered. “Oh thank goodness!” Rarity exclaimed, getting to her hooves. Her once cut tail bounced slightly with her abrupt movement. “Why, Rarity,” Fluttershy started as she trotted up to the unicorn, “it’s so lovely.” “I know!” She shook her tail, only for it to detach and fall to the ground. “C-cut!” came the director's voice as everyone started to laugh. “Let’s try this again.” “Can’t we find a different solution to this?” Rarity asked, raising an eyebrow. “I feel like the tape is pretty flimsy.” “Any better ideas? Wait for an entire month for it to grow back?” She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She frowned. “…touché.” “Gee, Twilight,” Applejack smiled awkwardly. “I thought you were just spouting a lot of hoOey—“ She coughed, hitting her throat a few times. “Sorry. Voice crack.” Another sigh came off-screen. “Take two.” “Action!” the director announced, clamping down the clapboard. “Indeed you do,” Celestia's voice emitted from off-camera. The camera turned to face to follow the sound, bright light enveloping the ruin’s wall. A large, bright bulb was lifted from the nearby window, looking like the sun. Magic made it look blinding, concealing the white alicorn as she appeared in front of the camera. Celestia spread her wings wildly, looking commanding. Her wings may have stretched a little too far, as the next thing she did was stumble. Her legs went this way and that, trying to regain her balance as the other ponies stifled their giggles. “First scene with me on screen and the first thing I do is trip,” she grumbled, which made them laugh even more. “Celestia, why are you like this?” “Alright, the last sentence of this episode, and it goes to me,” Pinkie said to no one in particular. “It’s a long one, so let’s hope I don’t die by the end of this.” She took a deep breath, waiting. The clapboard clapped. “Action!” “Are you excited? ‘Cause I’m excited. I’ve never been so excited. Well, except for the I went,” she gasped, before continuing. “But I mean really, what could be more exciting than this?” “Aaaaand cut! You did good,” the camera mare complimented. Pinkie pumped her hoof in the air. “First try! Okay, now can I drink my questionable liquids?” The actresses sat on and around a small couch, relaxing after long days of work. Most came out uninjured, while the ones that were only had minor scrapes. “That went well, all things considered,” Luna murmured, sipping her tea. “Speak for yourself,” Twilight countered, rubbing her back. “My spine feels like an old mare’s…” All the actresses, aside from Celestia and Luna, murmured in agreement. Rarity piped up from the ground. “I’m a little envious of you,” she admitted to the alicorns. “Having the big, important role was a little more tedious than I expected.” “Trust me, you don’t want my role,” Celestia laughed. “I’m only gonna show up at, like, the end of the episodes.” Luna huffed. “As far as I know, I’m not even gonna be here the rest of the season!” They chuckled at the darker pony’s plight, which only made her pout. As the laughs died down, Applejack turned to look around the room. “Where is Spike?” she asked. “He’s supposed to be here with us, is he not?” “He told me that he wanted to talk to the director about something,” Twilight shrugged. “I don’t remember why, though.” *** “Look, I’m just saying if we are going to do plenty slapstick with Spike the character, can we at least get me a stunt double?” Author's Note June 16, 2021 It was much harder for me to come up with “funny” material for this chapter. I wasn’t sure why. I hope it’s just as good as last chapter, but I’ll let you guys be the judge of that.
Ticket DisasterSpike held up the apple squinting at it suspiciously. It was too shiny, too perfectly shaped. Heck, it’s didn’t even reflect the lighting the same way other apples do. “What’s is wrong with this apple?” he asked, looking to the taller staff. “We painted it,” came a reply. This immediately made Spike nervous. “You want me to…eat a painted apple?” “The paint’s edible, don’t worry,” a stallion patted his shoulder. “It’s mostly sugar and food coloring.” “Nice to know you care enough to not poison me.” Twilight licked her lips. “Oh Spike! That looks delicious!” Then Spike stuffed the whole apple in his mouth, not waiting to see if Twilight wanted it. Juice flew everywhere. The unicorn gave the dragon an exasperated look. “Spike.” He swallowed the fruit, waving his hands out. “What?” His cheeks then puffed out, and Spike burped out a puff of green embers. Which, unfortunately, landed in Twilight hair. And caught fire. As Spike, Applejack, and the show’s staff began to panic, Twilight found herself to be the only calm one. Merely blinking as the flames burned her bangs. She shrugged. “At least my tombstone won’t say ‘death by falling’.” The scroll floated down via suspension wires, right into Spike’s claws. “It’s a letter from Princess Celestia,” Twilight murmured to herself. “Ahem,” the dragon cleared his throat. “Hear ye, hear ye. Her grand royal highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala, to be held in the capital city of Canterlot, on the twenty-first day of August. Princess Celestia cordially—this a very lengthy letter.” “Cut,” the director called. “Spike, it’s not that long.” “Well, my eyes hurt from reading it,” he muttered back, rubbing his eyes. “Can you shorten it by a tad?” A sigh answered. “We’ll see what we can do.” *** “So, instead of just, simplifying the script, you want to me to still read the entire thing but add ‘yada yada yada’ two-thirds the way through?” “Yep.” “This is- you know what? Fine. I’ll take it.” “Look—two tickets!” Spike showed them off to Twilight. “Great!” Twilight clapped her hooves together. “I’ve never been to the Gala. Have you, Spike?” Spike raised an eyebrow. “You practically raised me. If you didn’t, why would I?” “You’re right…” she corrected. “But hey! Two tickets, you and me, right?” “Haha,” Twilight laughed as she began to walk away. “No.” “…and Granny Smith could replace that saggy, old hip—wait a minute,” Applejack interrupted herself, pulling out her script. “That can’t be right, can it?” A moment of silence followed as she read through her script, humming. When she finished, she rolled her script and put it away. “I did read it right.” “What’s wrong with it?” Twilight asked. “Nothing,” she replied with a tight grimace. “I just hope Granny doesn’t hear me say this…” “Action!” The clapboard clamped down. Applejack looked up with a wistful smile. “Why, I’d give my left hind leg to go to that Gala.” “Oh.” Twilight walked towards her. “Well, in that case, would you like to…” She cut off her line, veering her eyes up in anticipation. When nothing came, Twilight pursed her lips. “Where’s Rainbow?” Applejack looked around before pointing towards a nearby tree. The camera followed the movement, catching the actress asleep in the branches. Slowly, a stallion with a mic came over, stopping underneath the branch Rainbow slept on. After waiting a few moments, he tugged on the end of her tail, making her slip from her napping spot. “Wha-huh?” she slurred, her hooves raised in a fighting position. “Wha’ happenin’?” The pegasus went on a long tangent about how she would impress the Wonderbolts and the crowd. “….the ponies would go wild!” Rainbow finished, clapping her hooves. Twilight gave a stare. Then her gaze tore away from the pegasus to the camera. She did this several times, her lips tightening. “…and that’s called interrupting the show. They’d probably want security to take you off the field immediately. No way they’d be impressed by that.” “Cut! Twilight, we-“ “You can’t tell me I’m wrong with this one!” the unicorn shot back before the director could finish. “That is very flawed and egotistical logic. Did someone poke holes into this poor fillies skull? How would she even think that’s okay?-“ “Oh, yeah?” Applejack huffed. “Well, I challenge you to a hoof wrestle! Winner gets the ticket.” “Deal.” She and Rainbow zipped over to a nearby stump, starting the match. It was quickly stopped as Twilight pushed between the two, a scowl on her face. “Girls! These are my tickets. I’ll decide who gets it, thank you very much.” Her eye twitched slightly. The camera panned over to the fighting actresses as the unicorn continued her lines. “Whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket, don’t you think?” Applejack was the first to step up. “Drumming up business for the farm?” “A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts?” Rainbow countered. “Money to f-fix Granny’s hip?” The earth pony sweated profusely as she said that. “Living the dream!” Twilight frowned. “That’s Applejack—one, Rainbow—none.” “Cut! Not the script!” “Well, fine!” Twilight threw her hooves up. She then turned to look at Spike, shoving a ticket to his chest. “Sorry for saying I wouldn’t give it to you. You’re coming with me.” “Yes!” Spike cheered. Twilight began to walk off-screen, and the camera panned over to Applejack and Rainbow Dash. “Okay…” they both agreed, before glaring at each other. Again, they both zipped to tree stump, silently challenging each other. Hooves wrapped around each other, and wrestle began. Didn’t last very long, as Applejack hoof slammed the pegasus’ hoof into the wood not even five seconds into the match. “FUCK,” Rainbow shouted, wincing. “Goddammit, AJ.” “Sorry! Sorry,” she apologized profusely. “I forget how strong I can be…” “That’s Applejack—two, Rainbow—zero,” Twilight piped up off-camera, which made the pegasus scowled. “Shut up.” “Another song?” Pinkie grimaced. “This is only your second song, Miss Pie.” The Kirin gave her a raised eyebrow. “Yeah, but my last song was literally last episode. Shouldn’t we have, I dunno, a little bit more time before we get another song?” The Kirin shrugged. “I don’t make the script. Talk to the writer, if you really don’t want another song.” The pink pony sighed. “Well, I don’t expect this song to be very good, but we’ll see. Maybe I’ll be wrong.” *** Pinkie walked out of the recording room, drownings “I was wrong. The song is awful. I never want to sing that ever again.” “…the stallion of my dreams!” Rarity finished her tangent of her dream husband, before giving a pout towards the other unicorn. “Twilight! I simply cannot believe you would invite Pinkie so she can…party, and prevent me from meeting my true love!” Rarity shook her head. “How could you?” she huffed. Twilight stared. “…that’s call infatuation. Obsession, even. The only way I can see you both in the same room together is him dragging you to security and complaining of a stalker.” “Action!” Twilight sighed. “Listen, guys, I haven’t decided who to give the extra ticket to…” “You haven’t?” both Rarity and Pinkie said at the same time, having a look of excitement and realization respectively. From behind them, a soft voice spoke up. “Um, excuse me, Twilight,” Fluttershy started, kicking at the ground. “I would just like to ask—if it would be alright ...if you haven’t given it to someone else-“ “You?” Rarity gasped. “You of all ponies want to go-“ “Yes!” Twilight pushed past the white unicorn. “Since you are the only one to outright ask me instead of guilt-tripping me or giving a convoluted reasoning, you are my plus one.” “Cut!” the director sighed. “Twilight, you have to stop doing that.” Pinkie shrugged. “She has a point though. Flutters is the only one asking politely…” Fluttershy started on her own soliloquy. “There’s loons and toucans and bitterns, oh my! Hummingbirds that can really hum, and buzzards that can really buzz!” She giggled slightly into the microphone. “Blue jays and red jays and green—In pretty sure ‘red jays’ are cardinals, which makes me upset that you guys called them ‘jays.’” “Let me guess, all the other jays have different names, too?” a mare murmured, rolling her eyes. “No. Green Jays are a real species, and I believe pink jays are just Blue Jays that have a pink coloring to their feathers. It’s just the ‘red jays’ I’m mad about.” “Applejack? Were you following me, too?” “No. I was following this one,” she pointed towards Rainbow Dash, “to make sure she didn’t try any funny business.” Applejack glared. “Still try to take my ticket?” “Your ticket?” Rainbow exclaimed, leaping into the air. Pinkie piped in as well. “Twilight’s taking me!” As the other girls joined in on the arguing. The camera zoomed in as Twilight crouched to the ground. She rests her head in her hooves, looking absolutely done with everything. She sighed, looking right into the camera. “I got my bachelor’s for this. “You see, I was getting ready for the day when Mrs. Cake said that I would need to help make breakfast for the customers at Sugar Cube Corner. I thought ‘huh? It’s three in the morning?’ I still agreed, obviously, but I was maybe a little too tired from the night before because let’s face it, I was up until past twelve o clock midnight, and getting up at three was torture. So I went to the front of the store, and was like ‘open!’ So this old lady walks in with her cane and a cat, and was like, ‘I would like a strawberry milk soda and three bowls of oatmeal’ and then I said, ‘oatmeal? Are you cra-’“ Pinkie stopped as she saw the other actresses and actors stare at her. “Oh.” “Aaaaand…action!” The clapboard clapped shut. “Girls, there no use and arguing.” Twilight looked around at the fighting actresses. Rarity gave puppy-eyes. “But Twilight!” “No. All of you are acting like children. I might as well rip these tickets because they are causing me too much pain but I understand the prop designers put effort into them, I mean did you see all those failed versions? How much gold paper they wasted? That was a good fifteen dollars down the drain, and I’m not adding another three dollars to it-“ The camera pony walked into the shot. “Twilight, I think you might be getting slightly carried away. Would you like some water?” Spike and Twilight say that the table, the unicorn looking dejected. “Spike, what am I going to do?” she asked, her hair beginning to frizz. “All five of my friends have really good reasons to go to the Gala.” Spike put down the menu. “No they don’t.” “Yeah. I know. I’m lying to myself at this point.” Twilight squinted at the rain. “What going on?” She looked up to the sky. Rainbow peeked in through the clouds. “Hi there, best friend forever I’ve ever, ever had!” The unicorn frowned. “Best friend is a bit…generous,” she mused. “I’ve only known you for two episodes, and that equates to about….maybe a few days in the show’s timeline?” “I know!” Rainbow exclaimed. “It’s strange. Episode three and we are already ‘best friends.’” “Please please please stop reading into the script,” the director mumbled from behind the camera. A mare stood while the other sound producers sat. “Okay, we need noise to fill in this scene.” Her hoof pointed to the video, which played a scene with Rarity and Twilight. “Any ideas?” “Uh…string snapping?” a Kirin suggested. “Drills,” the changeling piped up. “Cats, perhaps?” a young griffon offered. “Hm…” another mare mumbled. “Why don’t we use…all of them?” A few moments of silence filled the air. Then a round of agreements began to spread. “Great idea!” “Completely reasonable.” “You know, we could just-“ “Shut up! We’ve already decided!” “…well, it’s not gonna work,” Twilight grumbled, throwing her outfit off. “You’re going to have to wait for my decision, just like everyone else.” The camera panned after the unicorn as she walked towards the door. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been trying all day to get some lunch!” On cue, an orange pony popped into the doorway. “Did somepony say ‘lunch?’” Applejack grinned. She then pulled the unicorn away, and Twilight had a glare on her face the entire time. “I think I liked it better when the world was in danger,” she muttered. “Uh…the dessert, not my auntie,” Applejack laughed after finishing all the apple-related desserts. “What do you say there, best friend?” Twilight's stomach growled, but she couldn’t focus on anything the mare was saying. “I think ‘best friend’ is my new trigger word.” “Ugh! I never thought being showered with favors would be so aggravating!” Twilight shouted to the wind as she trotted by home. The camera followed her as she opened the door and peered inside. Fluttershy was scrubbing the walls of the library, humming. This made Twilight frown. “How did you get into my house?” she said in exasperation. The pegasus turned to look at the unicorn. “Oh! Hello, Twilight,” she greeted politely. “I hope you don’t mind, but we’re doing a little spring cleaning for you.” “It’s summer.” “Well, better late than never, right?” She smiled. She then turned to look at the bunny. “It was Angel’s idea.” The rabbit squeaked in reply. “Please tell me you aren’t doing this for the ticket?” “Yeah, I’m doing it for the ticket.” Twilight facehoofed. “Well, at least your honest about it.” “What do you mean, ‘you have another song to do?’” Pinkie groaned. “In the same episode? Really?” “Yep.” “Bullshit!” “Full shit,” the changeling replied in deadpan. “Ugh!” “PINKIE!” Twilight shouted, falling to the ground as the crowd back away from her. The pink pony got up really close. “Yes, Twilight?” She blinked innocently. The unicorn sighed. “At least the other ponies tried to subtle about the ticket.” “Wait,” a pony from the crowd spoke up. “What ticket? What Gala?” “Oh! Yo—“ Pinkie coughed violently, to which a glass of water was levitated to her. She drank it up quickly, though her coughs didn’t subside until a few seconds after she finished her drink. “…t…hanks,” she thanked, her voice shriveled. She paused before trying to speak again. “Erk…t…ks…” “I think Pinkie lost her voice,” a producer said from behind the camera. “Do we have a backup?” “I’ll give you some potatoes!” “I have an extra toothbrush if you need one.” “Would you like some bread I baked?” “I’ll do your taxes.” Twilight blink. “Wait, stop. Who said that?” The crowd collectively tilted their head, so the unicorn cleared her throat to explain herself. “Who said ‘I’ll do your taxes’?” “I did,” a blue and white pony raised a hoof. Twilight pushed the ticket to the mare’s chest. “You are now my new favorite pony.” Twilight and Spike looked dazed as the teleport ion wore off. The dragon was in the worst shape, being covered in soot. “Warn me next time you’re going to use that,” he slurred, before shaking the ash off of him. “I didn’t even know that was gonna happen!” Twilight said, frowning. “Now quick—lock the doors!” The duo went around the library shutting every window, locking every door, and turning off all the lights. Once everything a quiet and dark, the two sighed in relief. And like that, the lights turned on again, revealing the five actresses standing at Twilight’s bedside. She screamed. “HOW DID ANY OF YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?” A sigh came from behind the camera. “Twilight, you need to stop saying that.” Twilight read over the last part of the script, stuffing the last part of a sandwich down her gullet. Around her were the other actors, who all were enjoying their late-night snacks. “This ending feels very cliché,” she noted out loud, which got them to murmur in agreement. “I’m honestly surprised that Twilight the character stayed friends with them,” Applejack muttered. “I would have dumped them on the side of the road if that were me.” Twilight nodded. “Yeah. I don’t think I can stand creatures like that in real life…” All the actresses walked out the door, each one laughing as they took a ticket for themselves. Spike walked away with the last one, only for it to levitate out of his grip and into Applejack’s. Spike tapped his claws together, a little disappointed. “How come I don’t get a ticket to the Gala?” “Oh, we’re we supposed to get one for Spike?” someone spoke from behind the camera, to which more mumbling could be heard off-screen. A stallion walked onto the set, handing a golden ticket to the dragon. “Here ya go, kid. You wanted it.” Spike gripped the golden piece of paper. “Not exactly a kid, but I’ll take it.” Author's Note June 21, 2021 Hi, I’m very tired right now. I hope this was funny. Maybe I make a better author’s note later.
Apple *BEEP* SeasonApple *BEEP* Season “So, the first episode that isn’t focused around Twilight is about me?” Applejack clarified, looking slightly confused. “Yes, you are pony of focus,” the yak nodded. “Hm. This will be interesting,” she mused. Her ear flicked slightly towards the door, and she looked up. There was a loud, thumping sound that seemed to become form outside the recording studio, and the actress frowned. “…do you hear that?” “Yaiya hears pony’s grandmother coming, yes,” the yak replied again. This made the mare stare back, a look of absolute fear on her face. “Please tell me your jo-“ SLAM! “WHAT’S THIS I HEAR ABOUT GETTIN’ ME A NEW HIP?” Smith shouted, the door smacked so hard into the wall that the stone cracked. Orange eyes locked onto the actress. Applejack gulped, starting a sprint. “Ah! I-I’m sorry! I swear I only said that because of the script, I don’t mean anything by it!” Her yelling grew fainter as she ran past the elderly mare and into the hallway. “Don’t run from me, girly.” Smith followed after her. “Or a whoopin’ is the least of your worries tonight!” “I’ll take a bite out of this job by day’s end!” Applejack smiled as she looked down at the orchard of apple trees. The stallion beside her didn’t share in her enthusiasm. “Biting off more than you can chew, is just what I’m afraid of,” Macintosh retorted, keeping a deadpan stare. She whipped her head around, glaring. “You sayin’ my mouth is makin’ promises I legs can’t keep?” “Yep.” Applejack huffed, offended. “This is your sister Applejack, remember?” Her voice raised as she pressed her noggin against the stallion actor’s. “The loyalest and the most dependable of ponies?” Mac snorted. “Loyalest? I thought you were honesty!” “Cut!” the director’s voice snapped. A snort came from off set. “I told you they’d do that if we kept that part in the script. I expect ten dollars after we are done recording. “How are we going to make cow stampede’s feel like an earthquake?” Twilight asked as the camera crew dissembled their equipment. A black griffon rubbed the back of his neck. “The yaks will be stomping the ground.” “Huh.” Twilight helped levitated the tripods and clapboards as they moved to their next location of recording. “How will that work?” *** “Oh dear god!” Twilight stumbled as the quakes rumbled throughout town. Just standing was hard enough, but to try and run in all this chaos? Nuh-uh! No way! “How do you expect any of us to walk in this?” The griffon chuckle from his place in the air. “You just gonna have to. Sorry.” He shrugged, though his face was anything but apologetic. Though the ground was shaking, Twilight found the concentration to frowned. “Bitch.” Pinkie giggled incoherently, bouncing in a way that was similar to a jackhammer. With a vibrating voice, she spoke. “Hey! This makes my voice sound silly!” Twilight stumbled slightly as she ran into view of the camera. “Pinkie Pie, are you crazy?” Her tone was exasperated. “Run!” As the camera cut the recording, Pinkie snorted. “Have you met my character, Twilight? I am crazy!” “Yeah here that, Winona?” Applejack cooed, rubbing the dog’s head. “Your gonna be the first doggo—and probably our only but I didn’t check—on the show! Isn’t that exciting?” Winona barked, wagging her tail side to side. She leaped from foot to foot, doing a little dance to express her excitement. “Yes, it is a very special position your in! Your such a lucky girl, aren’t you?” “Ahem,” someone spoke from behind the camera. “Terribly sorry to break up a sweet moment, but we are rolling?” “So?” Applejack stuck her tongue out childishly. “Should that stop me from giving my dog some love?” A moment of silence passed. Then, “No, I suppose not.” Cheering, Applejack petted and scratched Winona’s ears. “Who’s a good girl?” she prompted. Her dog wiggled, putting her paws onto the actress's shoulders excitedly “Ruff!” “Applejack was just…just-!” Mayor struggled to find the correct words, biting her lip. It was then when Pinkie Pie came rolling it, suspended in mid-air by a green-screened wire. “Appletastic!” she declared, smiling. Then the flimsy wire snapped, the actress tumbling to the floor. Her ‘Pinkness’ began to roll away, her eyes spinning. Mayor stared for a few seconds, her mind blanking. “…Exactly!” The changeling and the hippogriff watched the scene closely as it played out on screen. The changeling tapped his hoof against the table, bobbing his head to and fro with a frown. He pressed a remote that laid out in front of him, pausing the episode. The hippogriff sighed. “What is it now, Tarsus?” “Look at the banner.” He pointed to the yellow banner that Rarity had put up. It had a red apple insignia on it, decorated with green vines. “The apple is two inches off-center. The episode is literally unwatchable now!” The hippogriff sighed, cupping his break. “Only you would ever point that out…” “Twilight, what are you doing?” Spike asked as he approached the unicorn actress. She was writing onto the index card props, very concentrated. “The scene is about to start.” “I know,” she muttered, not fully paying attention. “I just need to finish writing my script onto the cards.” “You didn’t rehearse?” “I didn’t say that.” Spike frowned. “So you didn’t rehearse.” Twilight went silent. Then, “Nope.” Spike facepalmed. Twilight pressed her cards neatly in a deck, turning to address the crowd of ponies gathered around her. “Welcome, everypony. Today, we are here to honor a pony we can always count on to help in matters great and small.” She moved the first index card to the bottom of the deck. “A pony whose contribution to—“ Rainbow came flying in, pushing Twilight’s cards off the podium. “Did you see Applejack’s slick moves out there? What an athlete!” she exclaimed, pushing the unicorn out of her way and speaking out of turn. Twilight had her jaw open, checking behind the podium to see if this was in the script. It wasn’t. “This week, she’s gonna help me with my new flying trick, and I know it’s gonna be so awesome!” Twilight frowned as she pushed the pegasus out of camera range. “Exactly. And—“ “This week, I get to run Sugar Cube Corner for the first time!” Pinkie piped in, completely blocking Twilight’s view. “What does that have to do with Applejack?” the unicorn asked, not liking at her speech was being interrupted. Pinkie blinked. “Oh! Applejack, one of the best bakers ever, is gonna help me. Applejack makes everything great so free samples for everypony!” “Sounds fake but okay,” Twilight mumbled to herself, making sure that it wouldn’t be picked up by the camera. Pushing the pink pony, she retook her place on the podium again. “Okay, that’s great,” she said through clenched teeth. “Now, If I could make a point without being inter—“ Fluttershy stepped up onto the platform, speaking softly. “Twilight?” “—rupted…” The unicorn frown deepened. “Twilight, I’m really sorry,” Fluttershy apologized, “but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping me this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the new baby bunnies that were born this season. She’s gonna help gather them using her wonderful herding skills.” Twilight was on the verge of exploding. “Anyone else?” She watched as the pegasus quietly slipped off stage. “Anyone?” Everything was quiet. “No?” Twilight made sure. She sighed. “Well then, as I was trying to say—“ she stopped as Mayor looked at her expectantly. Twilight felt her brain short-circuit. “UGH! Never mind.” she trotted off stage with a sour expression. From behind the camera, a mare looked at the director. “Nothing about that was in the script…should we start over?” The director tapped his chin. “Nah, let’s keep it in.” “—Ponyville’s most capable and dependable friend.” Mayor paused for dramatic effect. “Applejack!” The camera panned over a spot covered by curtains. Off-screen, a yak yanked a string, drawing the curtains open. Revealed behind it was a whole a heaping of nothing. A loud gasp resonated throughout the crowd. Spike's voice was louder than the rest of them. “Ah shit. Was she captured by Nightmare Moon too?” As Applejack dragged the trophy away, Twilight began to speak up. “Was it just me or did Applejack seem a little…” “Tired?” Rainbow responded. “Dizzy?” Fluttershy suggested. “Messy.” Rarity described. Pinkie hopped in. “She seemed fine to me.” Then she began to imitate the tired mare. “Whooo! Whooo!” “Oh Pinkie, why is your character so tactless?” Rainbow mumbled. “And how do you say any of your lines with a straight face?” “Negotiations with a five-year-old have prepared me for this.” “See that contraption?” Rainbow pointed to what looked liked a ladder and a catapult. Applejack blinked tiredly. “Uh…yeah?” “Well, I’m gonna stand on one end. Then you’re going to jump from that platform, launching me into the air faster than I can take off on my own. Once I’m there, I'm going to do some amazing flips and spins that are sure to impress the Wonderbolts!” Rainbow puffed out her chest confidently. Applejack squinted. “That seems dangerous and impractical.” A voice behind the camera spoke up. “I definitely have a degree in physics, and I can tell you, it’s all shit.” Rainbow stepped down from her fence post, walking over to the prop contraption. “Can’t wait to risk my life for you lot.” Twilight looked up from her book, staring at the pegasus with a concerned expression. “Can I help you?” Rainbow perched awkwardly on the Library balcony’s railing. “I think my bowel ruptured,” she said in deadpan. “Because you’re working too hard and you need help!” Twilight practically shouted. The earth pony gave her a funny look. “What? Kelp?” Applejack shouted back. She furrowed her brows. “I don’t need kelp. I don’t even like seaweed!” “HELP. YOU NEED HELP,” Twilight clarified, her face dangerously close to the other actress’. “Help? Like with work or therapy?” AJ snickered. “At the rate this episode is going, preferably both!” the unicorn exclaimed, though she didn’t seem to be talking about the earth pony anymore. As Applejack put the live worms into the mixing bowl, a sudden urge came over her as she turned to look at the camera. “No worms were harmed in the making of this.” The camera crew chuckled. Pinkie piped into camera view. “All worms were harmed in the making of this, don’t let Miss Honesty fool you.” The laugh became a little louder. “That pony is as stubborn as a mule!” Twilight gritted her teeth, before stopping to think. “That sounds racist…” As the shooting continued, Twilight found herself mauling over the line. As the group sat down for their lunch, the unicorn actress face-planted into the table. “Oh god, that was racist!” she groaned, much to the confusion of her friends. Fluttershy sighed. “You brought a dog to round up bunnies?” she asked, her brow shooting up. “Yes…” AJ frowned. The pegasus looked up to the sky. “I’m not mad, just disappointed.” Reading over the script once again, Applejack muttered to herself. “I’ll be surprised if I don’t get a concussion after this, with all this head-bonking against stuff.” “Dear Princess Celestia. Today has been shit, mostly because of Applejack. I would like to cut off my ties to this group and move back to Canterlot. I don’t think my introverted personality can handle these crazy bitches anymore. I understand you have these big and important plans for me, but just…find somepony else. Please. Your student, Twilight Sparkle.” A round of claps echoed throughout the air. “You tell ‘em, Twilight!” Spike cheered, throwing a half-popped popcorn kernel into his mouth. “Stick it to world leaders!” Rainbow Dash sighed. “All this apple-bucking has made me hungry!” “I got the perfect snack!” Spike smiled as he pulled out a batch of half-eaten, moldy-green muffins that look disgusting, even as a prop. Pinkie grimaced. “Eww, Spike I threw all of them away! Where did you even get them?” Spike smiled deviously. “From the trash!” Gagging and complaints of ‘gross’ resonated from the table. Spike took a bite out of the prop-still-edible muffins. “What? Trash muffins for trash characterization.” Applejack flopped onto the couch, looking across the lounge. “Fellow actors and actresses alike, I purpose that we all die right here and right now.” “Sounds fun.” “Finally!” “Woo!” “I’ve been waiting my entire life for this.” Author's Note Sept 25, 2021 Woo! 4th chapter is finally done!
