That was unequivocally the worst movie I have ever seen. Of all time. Even worse than the one about talking yellow faces.
These were the thoughts running through Twilight’s head as she wearily stumbled out of the Canterlot theater. She had been deceived by the clever title and epic visuals of the movie poster and had envisioned it as a great historical thriller, perfect for relaxing on her day off. Unfortunately, it appeared that 50% of the budget had gone into said deceitful marketing, leaving an execrable pile of garbage that failed to satiate her hunger for serious, tasteful entertainment that respected her intelligence. She was already regretting the bits spent and hours wasted, wishing she had done some research beforehand or even just stayed home and read books. The trip home was depressing, the funk of her thoughts further deepened by the dreary rain that started falling.
She arrived home and flumped into bed, letting out a disheartened sigh. Her disappointment was immeasurable and her day was ruined. Spike knowingly and quietly brought her some fresh peppermint tea which briefly lifted her mood, but it didn’t last and she lapsed back into the quagmire of despondency. She attempted to sleep, but the sheer mind-numbingly terrible plot and stupid bucking song from the credits returned full-force and filled her thoughts with aggravation. After tossing and turning for a few hours, she angrily got out of bed and tossed the blanket in a messy heap before vexedly wandering the halls trying to eradicate the memory from her mind. Eventually she made her way to the throne room and moodily stared at the faintly glowing Cutie Map. An idea began to take shape in her head.
“WHAT THE @*&#??!”
(This was an appropriate reaction, considering that an unscheduled teleport arrival into your bedroom at 4 am was akin to waking up from a flashbang being detonated in your face)
Starlight thrashed in the blankets and flopped off the bed, landing with a thud and dismayed yelp. She lay tangled in blankets on the cold floor, briefly contemplating the thought of briskly disassembling Twilight’s mortal meatbag on a molecular level before pushing herself up. She rubbed her face as the sanguineous thoughts were somewhat unwillingly dispelled and turned to level a flat stare at the purple intruder. “What.”
Said purple intruder’s enthusiasm was briefly squelched by the growl, but she quickly recovered. “I need your help with a vital warning mission! It’s extremely important and you have the knowledge and expertise to help me pull it off!”
The flat stare continued.
Twilight faltered a bit then forged ahead. “Yesterday I watched the worst movie I ever saw, and the thought of the time and bits I wasted has been driving me crazy! Not to mention the brain cells I lost to that awful plot and the stupid earworm song from the credits. I need you to help me go back in time and warn Past Twilight not to buy a ticket for the movie. I know you can do it, so can you help me?”
Starlight’s eye twitched.
Twilight and the book landed in an unceremonious heap in the hallway as Starlight’s door, wrapped in an irritated corona, slammed closed with an impressive thunk. She sat up, rubbing her forelock and collecting her thoughts. She got up and levitated the book beside her before proceeding down the hall toward her lab, ignoring the muted enraged scream and crash that emanated from the bedroom. When she arrived in the lab, she opened the book and started reading Starlight’s notes on the improved time travel spell. After drawing a few diagrams and solving twenty-odd equations, Twilight was fairly certain that she could pull it off with no major timeline disruptions or cataclysmic events. Absentmindedly chewing on a bagel while double-checking her work, she ignited her horn and brought up the spell matrix. The lab was bathed in a pulsating lavender glow and weird shadows from the equipment danced on the wall as the portal formed, discharging small bolts of lightning. There was a loud pop as Twilight vanished into the portal and the lab was reclaimed by darkness.
Past Twilight stared as Future Twilight made a wobbly landing in front of her. Time travel could be quite disorienting--as she well remembered--but curiosity pushed that memory aside as she wondered what terrible event might have caused Future Twilight to mess with time again in order to warn her.
(Roseluck, up to her usual antics and holding a sign proclaiming ‘Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so’ while standing outside the cafe, also witnessed the arrival. She was nonplussed, but decided the best course of action was to faint dramatically. The annoyed proprietor came out and threw the sign in the trash before unsympathetically pushing the limp heap of pony out of the way)
Future Twilight straightened herself and spoke. “Past Twilight! I come bearing a grave warning!” Past Twilight pulled out a notepad and quill and readied herself to record the message. “Whatever you do tomorrow, do not go to Canterlot and especially do not go to the theater!" Future Twilight continued. "Ignore the new release posters! Do not buy a ticket! You will only end up filled with regret and melancholy!” She paused, seeing Past Twilight looking at her with an eyebrow raised. “What? It’s true! The movie is just that bad!”.
Past Twilight lightly shook her head, folded the notepad and stowed the materials in her saddlebag before replying. “Okay, I get your point loud and clear. I’ll make sure not to visit the theater tomorrow. I was planning to go to the Archives anyway, so it’ll be fine. Trust me-you? Whatever. I’ve got this.” Future Twilight still seemed worried but nodded and reopened the portal, jumping back to the future.
Future Twilight was relieved. Everything had been fixed and her previous day off would be perfect. She cleaned up the loose papers in the lab and wiped off the chalkboards, making sure everything was tidy and in its proper place. The scorch marks on the floor would have to wait until she could pick up some paint. She grabbed a manebrush and gave her mane a few swipes while she headed to the kitchen. Maybe a nice breakfast would cheer Starlight up.
Past Twilight tossed and turned. She was thinking of the cryptic warning she had been given, and it wouldn’t quit bothering her. Surely the movie couldn’t be THAT bad? I kinda want to go so I can find out what all the fuss is about.
Eventually she made up her mind and drifted off to sleep.
The next morning she walked through Canterlot, noticeably deviating from the route to the Archives. It couldn’t hurt just to look at the poster and see what the fuss is about, right? I’ll take a quick peek and then go to the Archives.
That was unequivocally the worst movie I have ever seen. Twilight ruefully thought as she left the Canterlot theater.
Author's Note
“But you can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. It can't last.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
Inspired by events in Estee's Discord
