Thank You, M'am

( This a re-make of the story 'Thank You, M'am' by Langston Hughes, into a more 'ponified' version)

She was a tall mare with a large purse that had everything in it but a hammer and nails. It had a long strap, and she carried it slung across her shoulder. It was about eleven o’clock at night, dark, and she was walking alone, when a colt ran up behind her and tried to snatch her purse. The strap broke with the sudden single tug the colt gave it from behind. But the colt’s weight and the weight of the purse combined and caused him to lose his balance. Instead of taking off full blast as he had hoped, the colt fell on his back on the dirt road and his legs flew up. The large mare simply turned around and kicked him right square in his blue jeaned sitter. Then she reached down, picked the colt,with her blue hued magic,up by his shirt front, and shook him until his teeth rattled.

After that the mare said, "Pick up my pocketbook, pony, and give it here.’’

She still held him tightly with her magic.

But she bent enough to permit him to stoop and pick up her purse.

Then she said, "Now ain’t you ashamed of yourself?"

Firmly gripped by his shirt front, the colt said,"Yes’m,’’

The mare said, ''What did you want to do it for?''

The colt said said, "I didn’t aim to.’’

She said, "You a lie!’’

By that time two or three ponies passed, stopped, turned to look, and some stood watching.

"If I turn you loose, will you run?’’ asked the mare.

"Yes’m,’’ said the colt.

"Then I won’t turn you loose,’’ said the mare. She did not release him.

"Lady, I’m sorry,’’ whispered the little colt.

"Um-hum! Your face is dirty. I got a great mind to wash your face for you. Ain’t you got nopony home to tell you wash your face?’’

"No’m,’’ said the colt.

"Then it will get washed this evening,’’ said the large mare starting up the street, dragging the frightened colt, with her magic orb, behind her.

He looked as if he were fourteen or fifteen, frail and willow-wild, in tennis shoes, and blue ripped jeans.

The mare said, "You ought to be my son. I would teach you right from wrong. Least I can do right now is to wash your face. Are you hungry?’’

"No’m,’’ said the being dragged colt. ‘’I just want you to turn me loose.’’

"Was I bothering you when I turned that corner?’’

"No’m’’

"But you put yourself in contact with me,’’ said the pony. "If you think that that contact is not going to last awhile, you got another thought coming. When I get through with you, sir, you are going to remember Mrs. Burlingtron Trotting Hoof.’’

Sweat popped out on the colt’s face and he began to struggle. Mrs. Hoof stopped, jerked him around in front of her, placed more magic around him, and continued to drag him up the street. When she got to her door, she dragged the colt inside, down a hall, and into a large kitchenette-furnished room at the rear of the house. She switched on the light and left the door open. The colt could hear other roomers laughing and talking in the large house. Some of their doors were open, too, so he knew he and the mare were not alone. The mare still had him with her magic in the middle of the room.

She said, "What is your name?’’

"Roger,’’ answered the colt.

"Then, Roger, you go to that sink and wash your face,’’ said the mare, whereupon she turned him loose—at last. Roger looked at the door—looked at the tall mare—looked at the door—and went to the sink.

"Let the water run until it gets warm,’’ she said. "Here’s a clean towel.’’

‘’You gonna take me to jail?’’ asked the colt, bending over the sink.

"Not with that face, I would not take you nowhere,’’ said the mare. "Here I am trying to get home to cook me a bite to eat, and you snatch my pocketbook! Maybe you ain’t been to your supper either, late as it be. Have you?’’

"There’s nopony home at my house,’’ said the colt.

"Then we’ll eat,’’ said the mare. "I believe you’re hungry…or been hungry…to try to snatch my purse.’’

"I want 2 pairs of blue suede shoes,’’ said the colt.

"Well, you didn’t have to snatch my pocketbook to get some suede shoes,’’ said Mrs.Hoof. "You could’ve asked me.’’

"M’am?’’

The water dripping from his face, the colt looked at her. There was a long pause. A very long pause. After he had dried his face and not knowing what else to do, dried it again, the colt turned around, wondering what next. The door was wide open. He could make a dash for it down the hall. He could run, run, run, run!

The mare was sitting on the daybed. After a while she said, "I were young once and I wanted things I could not get.’’

There was another long pause. The colt’s mouth opened. Then he frowned, not knowing he frowned.

The mare said, ‘’Um-hum! You thought I was going to say but, didn’t you? You thought I was going to say, but I didn’t snatch ponie’s  purses. Well, I wasn’t going to say that,’’ Pause. Silence. "I have done things, too, which I would not tell you, son…neither tell Celestia, if She didn’t already know. Everyponies’ got something in common. So you set down while I fix us something to eat. You might run that comb through your mane so you will look presentable.’’

"In another corner of the room behind a screen was a gas plate and an icebox. Mrs. Hoof got up and went behind the screen. The mare did not watch the colt to see if he was going to run now, nor did she watch her purse, which she left behind her on the daybed. But the colt took care to sit on the far side of the room, away from the purse, where he thought she could easily see him out of the corner of her eye if she wanted to. He did not trust the mare not to trust him. And he did not want to be mistrusted now.

"Do you need somebody to go to the store,’’ asked the colt, "maybe to get some apples or something?’’

"Don’t believe I do,’’ said the mare, "unless you just want the apples for yourself. I was going to make cocoa out of this canned milk I got here.’’

"That'll be fine,’’ said the colt.

She heated some lima beans and a variety of ingredients she had in the icebox, made the cocoa, and set the table with a orb of magic. The mare did not ask the colt anything about where he lived, or his folks, or anything else that would embarrass him. Instead, as they ate, she told him about her job in a beauty shop that stayed open late, what the work was like, and how all the kinds of mares came in and out, short, tall, fashionable, ugly. Then he cut him a half of her one-bit cake.

"Eat more, son,’’ she said.

When they were finished eating, she got up and said, "Now here, take this 20 bits and buy yourself some blue suede shoes. And next time, do not make the mistake of latching onto my pocketbook nor nopony’s else’s…because shoes got by devilish ways will burn your hooves. I got to get my rest now. But from her on in, son, I hope you will behave yourself.’’

She led him down the hall to the front door and opened it. "Good night! Behave yourself, boy!’’ she said, looking out into the road as he went down the steps.

The colt wanted to say something other than "Thank you, m’am’’ to Mrs.Burlingtron Trotting Hoof, but although his lips moved, he couldn’t even say that as he turned at the lot of the barren stoop and looked up as the large mare. Then she shut the door, and he never saw her again.

Rarity closed the small book

''She's just like me!'' Rarity squealed in delight.